King Cucaracha

^ Is done.

Will be up either tommorrow or Tuesday, all being well. Opt in or out here to be classed as helpful.

Yay! I actually watched a little bit of the game since I was awake and looking for something to watch. Just the last few minutes before half time when the Lakers went on that big unanswered run of points. I need to find a team to follow next season, just so I've got reason to watch the sport again. I guess since I adopted the Browns, I should adopt Cleveland for NBA purposes too. EDIT: And by 'adopted', I mean 'drew out of a hat at random'.

Here I thought this was you wishing me belated Happy Birthday.

I'll acknowledge it. Somebody said something mean and she(?) went off the deep end and turned into a crazy attention whore who goaded and sabotaged the board. If I thought she were genuine in that post and wasn't going to come back in a week with a completely conflicting message, I'd acknowledge it even further, but we all know that's just a formality.

3 on 2 Handicap Match The Heavenly Rockers and Abdullah vs. The Christ Air Express plus other stuff

Show'll be compiled in the next day or so. Days when it's not my birthday.

"Sweet Home Chicago" hits and out struts Jumbo as HeldDOWN returns. The Japanese fans seem amused with the loveable big guy, with numerous shots of smiling clapping fans watching his walk to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. First, from Chicago, Illinois... weighing four hundred, fourty pounds... JJJUUUUUUUUUUMMMMBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Jumbo makes his way around ringside and even gets a couple of young Japanese girls to DANCE along with him before he climbs into the ring. COLE Big Jumbo enjoying himself here in Tokyo, a big fan of the sushi I hear. COACH There's a surprise. Jumbo struts around the ring some more and gets the crowd going. COLE Well Jumbo having some fun, but the fun is going to stop very soon I feel. [COLOR=purple]"Oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone And oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long Just tryin' to find my way back home But the old me's dead and gone Dead and gone, dead and gone..."[/COLOR] The opening to "Dead And Gone" by T.I. fades into "Numb" by Linkin Park. The crowd stays mostly quiet except for a few, isolated screams from female fans as Leon Rodez emerges through the entrance way. Disheveled, Leon wears to the ring his usual ring-robe, only inside out, the black unpatterened lining far less attractive than the robe should be. BUFFER And his opponent. From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds... the former OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the world... LLLEEEEEOOOOOONN... RRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!! COLE Over the past few months, this man once the most easy going and cheerful wrestlers you were ever likely to meet has suffered a crisis in confidence and has seemingly lost all faith in anything. He claims that "All I did was give, give, give and all people ever did was take, take, take" and that his friends and fans are "dead to me", saying "I've been plumbed so deep emotionally by them all that I've got nothing left." And last week, still raw from winning and losing the OAOAST World Title in the same night, he took out his frustrations on his former girlfriend Maggie and then his innocent niece Jade. Leon stalks his way down the aisle eyes lowered fixed on the ring, as the song suddenly erupts and the lights flash back and forth from purple to white static. [COLOR=purple][b][i]"I'VE BECOME SO NUMB I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE BECOME SO TIRED SO MUCH MORE AWARE! I'M BECOMING THIS ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE MORE LIKE ME AND BE LESS LIKE YOU!"[/b][/i][/COLOR] Walking up the ring steps, Leon stops briefly and stares out into the crowd, taking a long breath before he enters the ring. His lowered eyes look over at Jumbo as he pulls off his inside out robe, throwing it carelessly under the bottom rope. COACH Well it's kind of hard to argue with Leon lately. We've been saying it for long enough, how many things have gone badly for Leon. I guess it was only a matter of time before something snapped. COLE Maybe Leon is going through a period of bad luck. But to take it all out on his closest friends and on his family the way he is, what good does that do? COACH You heard him yourself, he doesn't care anymore. *DINGDINGDING!* Leon sizes up his opponent, which is quite a size up. The bigman looks at his opponent with pity, as he skulks around the ring. As they move in Jumbo doesn't go for a lock-up and instead seems to be talking to his opponent, questioning where his head is at. Leon has no time for Jumbo's compassion though and CRACKS him across the face with a slap! COLE That's not too smart. Jumbo is understandably mad and goes after Leon, who ducks through the ropes, growling at the referee to "GET HIM OFF ME". COLE And if Leon insists on being so sullen, he might not want to bring Jumbo down with him. As Jumbo is moved back by the referee Rodez emerges from the ropes. Scowling, he moves in and locks up with the bigman, quickly delivering a knee to the gut before Jumbo's strength can show. With Jumbo doubled up, Leon delivers a forearm to the side of the head. And another. And a third. But Jumbo shrugs them off, shoving Leon away! Rolling through to his feet, Leon runs right back at Jumbo with a boot to his portly midsection and goes for an irish whip... but Jumbo won't budge! Regretting his move choice Leon tries again, but again has no success moving the 440 pounder. COACH If Jumbo don't want to go, Jumbo ain't going! Resigned to defeat, another boot from Rodez breaks hold of Jumbo and he hits the ropes himself. A clothesline connects, but it doesn't budge big Jumbo! Leon tries again, a second clothesline not enough either! Into the ropes again, Leon clubs Jumbo with a third clothesline, but he's still on his feet. And Jumbo suddenly reverses on Leon, throwing him into the ropes and knocking him down with a shoulder tackle! "YYEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Leon quickly rolls under the bottom rope to regroup with Jumbo hot on his trail. The referee gets in between the two, preventing Jumbo from attacking while Rodez is in the ropes. Which allows Leon to pop up and grab Jumbo, hanging his neck across the top rope! COLE Well that's a cheap move, the kind of cheap move Leon Rodez never used to resort to. COACH He's in there with someone twice his size, cut the guy some slack. As Jumbo reels back, Leon climbs to the top rope and connects with a Missile Dropkick, finally enough to put Jumbo down! Leon goes for the cover... 1... 2... POWER kickout! Annoyed by that, Leon quickly mounts Jumbo and rains down with right hands! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Breaking away before he can be disqualified, Leon comes off the ropes with an elbow drop. A second elbow. And a third, before glaring into the crowd brimming with frustration. COACH See, this is the kind of killer instinct we never saw outta Leon when he was the 'nice guy'. All the smiling and the entertaining, that's great. But this is what wins you matches, wins you titles. COLE Except Leon didn't seem to have a problem winning matches and titles with the smiling and the entertaining before. This isn't some conscious choice, this is the result of something inside Leon going wrong. Jumbo picks himself up on the ropes and Leon is on him, clubbing away in a vain attempt to keep him from getting up. Jumbo does reach his feet, so Leon tries and succeeds in whipping him to the ropes. Putting everything he has behind a back elbow, Leon knocks Jumbo backwards, staggering back against the ropes he came from. As Jumbo falls to a knee Leon rushes over and stomps his opponent, until he lays across the middle rope. Turning away, usually you'd expect a jig at this point from Rodez. Instead, he scowls at the idea before turning back and standing on Jumbo's back, holding onto the top rope in order to choke him against the middle. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Stepping down, Leon ignores the referee as he reprimands him. Getting a run-up he delivers a dropkick to Jumbo's back before he can get off the ropes, then goes for another cover... 1... 2... No! Members of the crowd shout their approval for Jumbo by shouting "JUMBO!" (seriously, that's what they do, watch some NOAH you philistines!), briefly distracting Leon. COLE It's still so strange, seeing an OAOAST crowd routing [i]against[/i] Leon Rodez. Jumbo begins to get to his feet, kicked repeatedly by Leon as he tries to do so. The kicks won't keep the bigman down though and eventually he reaches up, grabbing Leon by the throat. The referee warns Jumbo about the choke, allowing Leon to break the hand away and nail Jumbo in the gut with a rolling sobat kick. With his back to Jumbo, Leon then turns the other way, spinning 180 and connecting with an enziguri! COLE Nice combination of kicks from Leon. COACH Nice if you're not on the receiving end. Leon covers Jumbo... 1... 2... Kickout! Looking a little frustrated, Leon forces Jumbo with all his might so he's backed into a corner. Hanging Jumbo's arms over the ropes Leon fires off a flurry of right hands, weaking the bigman while he walks across the ring. Leon lines up his large target and charges in, taking off with his Superman Spear! COACH See, that's not the place to be attacking Jumbo. He's got plenty of padding there. With Jumbo slumped over Rodez walks back across the ring, lining up again. As he charges this time though, Jumbo moves out of the way. Able to put the brakes on in time, Leon stops himself in the corner and charges Jumbo in the next corner... but Jumbo gets his knee up! Dazed, Leon stumbles backwards. Jumbo grabs him by the arm, whipping him into the corner and ENGULFING the fallen idol with an AVALANCHE in the corner!! COLE OH! Four hundred, fourty pounds, just SQUASHING Rodez! A flattented Rodez stumbles out of the corner again and into Jumbo's arms, with a BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!! 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! COLE I would hate to think what state of mind Leon would be in if he loses here tonight! And he almost did right there! Jumbo starts to get some confidence back and draws on the crowd as Leon gets back up. Off the ropes, Jumbo trundles forward and knocks Leon down with a hefty body attack. Another cover by Jumbo... 1... 2... Kickout! Calling out to the crowd, Jumbo looks ready to go for the kill. COLE Jumbo is feeling it here. We could be on the verge of a considerable upset, if Jumbo can knock off the former World Champion, here at his lowest ebb! Jumbo grabs hold of Leon by the head, but Rodez breaks away and attacks the knee with a couple of kicks. A couple of forearms follow, before Leon hits the ropes. He ducks a clothesline from Jumbo, rolling through off the far ropes and looking for the clothesline... but meets Jumbo's boot in his chest! As Leon hits the mat Jumbo comes off the ropes and goes for the XL SPLASH... ...BUT LEON ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH At least they're well trained for earthquakes here in Japan. Winded, Jumbo gets to one knee before getting cracked in the back of the head with a dropkick! He's rolled over and as he gets to his knees again, Leon is waiting, aiming with a Rolling Sobat to the head and CONNECTING, scrambling Jumbo's brains!!! Leon quickly forces Jumbo down onto his shoulders and hooks what he can of the leg... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... LLEEEEOOOOONN... RRROOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!! COLE And with that deadly spinkick to the head, Leon Rodez picks up the victory over the 440 pound Jumbo. Not in the mood for any celebrations, Leon warns the referee off with a cursory glare as he gets to his feet. He looks down at Jumbo as he's rolled from the ring. No hint of a smile or any kind of enjoyment. Just a blank stare, the same blank stare that he gives the crowd. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Wait just a minute! The crowd suddenly erupt as "Liberate" powers through the arena and again as BOHEMOTH marches through the entrance way! Unsuited, the tanktop and jeans combo from Bohemoth apparantly mean business~ as he makes his way down the aisle, eyes locked on Rodez. Leon, caught a little by surprise, stands with his hands on his hips and looking away as Bohemoth jogs up the ring steps and enters the ring, demanding a microphone. COLE Bohemoth apparantly looking for a showdown with his one time friend, after what happened last week. As Bohemoth gets the microphone, Leon doesn't bother to wait around to hear what he has to say and starts to leave, which obviously doesn't sit well. BOHEMOTH HEY! Don't you go anywhere man, because I've got something to say! Stopping halfway through the ropes, Leon slowly steps back inside, still not giving Bohemoth the courtesy of any eye contact. BOHEMOTH You know, I don't know what the hell is going on in your head lately. I don't know what's happening, to make you turn your back on Zack and on me the way you have. That's fine. I'm sure you've got your reasons, crazy as they might be. But I draw the line when you start going around and taking all this crap out on other people, innocent people. Especially when those people include Jade. Leon finally looks over at Bohemoth at the mention of Jade's name, stood in a corner. BOHEMOTH Oh yeah. She told me what happened last week. And I'm sure as hell not going to sit back and accept that. I mean, come on man... that's your [i]niece[/i]. And you feel you can talk to her the way you did? Big man all of a sudden, taking your anger out on people who aren't gonna fight back. Well guess what, family or no family, when you mess with Jade, you mess with me. So if you've got something to say, how about you say it to my face if you've got the guts? Huh? How 'bout that? Glancing up, Leon's face shows the hint of a smile as he takes the microphone away from Bohemoth, daring enough to stand right in his face as asked. LEON You're right about one thing. Jade [i]is[/i] my family. Which is why I think you aren't going to do a damn thing to me. Raising his eyebrows as if to say "oh yeah?", Bohemoth sure looks ready to do something. Until Leon laughs under his breath. LEON You know what, 'Bo', save the tough man act. You don't scare me. Not one bit. The fact is, you're pathetic. Just like I once was. Look at you. All angry, pent up, on somebody's else's behalf. Always somebody's else's man. Standing in Zack's shadow, just like I was. Before that, standing in Wright's shadow. And now, fighting your girlfriend's battles. I always second guessed whether you really had a brain of your own in that head of yours and I guess we're finding out now, you don't. Well, I do have a mind of my own now. And my mind is telling me things that it should have months ago. If you, or Zack, or Jade don't like it, that's too bad. Sometimes you need to hear those things you don't want to listen to. I mean, we could go into the real story behind why a jacked up 32 year old man is sleeping with a tiny 19 year old girl and what that says about him... Bohemoth's eyes widen, about ready to kill after that cheapshot. But somehow, he doesn't. LEON ...but the fact is, you aren't worth a second of my time. I don't owe you an explanation. I don't owe you any gratitude. And I don't owe you an apology. Leon turns his back on Bohemoth and goes to walk off, but stops, looking over his shoulder. LEON If you've got a problem with that, then go ahead and do your worst. Leaving himself wide open to a sneak attack Leon stands and waits for Bohemoth to make a move. Those in the crowd that understand what's going on urge Bohemoth to take Leon out. But Bohemoth, strangely, can't bring himself to attack Leon and just stands fuming, glaring a hole in the back of his head. LEON That's what I thought. Throwing the microphone back at Bohemoth's feet Leon leaves the ring, a contemptful look on his face as he walks off. Bohemoth stands in the middle of the ring still seething as he watches Leon leave. COACH Wow. Leon called Bo's bluff... and he's walking away in one piece. COLE Honestly, I don't think Leon really cares if Bohemoth did tear him apart. I don't think he'd have given Bohemoth the slightest opportunity if he was. But Bohemoth didn't take it, showing miraculous restraint considered what Leon had the nerve to say to him. COACH Oh, I don't think it's nerve. I think you're right first time, it's not hard to be brave when you don't care about anything or anyone. Bohemoth continues to stand seething in the ring as we fade away. [b]*COMMERCIALS*[/b] Back from the commercials, Jade Rodez-Duncan cuts a worried figure having just watched what we saw on a monitor backstage. She paces around, apparantly waiting for Bohemoth to come back from the ring. But it's not Bohemoth who walks up behind her, but uncle Leon. JADE Leon... What was that about!? What's your problem, Bo's never done anything to you. LEON That'd make him about the only person here who hasn't then. JADE ...Leon, you need to talk to somebody. Please. You're taking your anger out on everybody that cares about you, people who are trying to help you, don't do this again, please... LEON I heard what you said. To Bohemoth, that is. Jade stops her pleading, surprised. LEON I hate to be the one to break it to you... but he's not going to keep that promise. Life doesn't work that way. You don't get what you really want in the end. Trust me, he WILL break your heart. And then... then you'll understand me. You'll understand everything. Leon walks off, leaving Jade with that troubling thought.

In order spread through the show, obviously. Despite the Oriental decoration, there's no feng shui, relaxed zen or calming chi in the office of OAOAST President Josie Baker. Just more headaches and more paperwork, with some different scenery. And it's still an open door policy to any disgruntled OAOAST workers who want to barge in and disrupt her. Like, for example, Landon Maddix, who doesn't even bother knocking and catches Josie by surprise in a small, short moment of calm. MADDIX Josie, a moment of your time? Landon, rather presumptiously, takes a seat on the edge of Josie's desk. A rather vexed Ms. Baker stands up and walks around in front. JOSIE Look, Landon, this whole 'level playing field' thing you seem to think we have, just because you're running the SWF and I'm running the OAOAST and you believe we've got some sort of common ground... it's not happening, okay? We're not buddy buddy, you don't have some special inside track with me. You are the employee and I am the employer. Understood? MADDIX You're feeling stressed out. I can tell. Don't worry, I get the same thing myself all the time. Josie feels like banging her head against a brick wall, but thankfully restrains herself. MADDIX Here's the deal. I've been trying to get this little thing off the ground with my guys lately, a challenge laid out to the rest of the locker room. Four on four, anyone who thinks they're a stronger force than Cucaracha Internacional can go ahead and try to prove it. It's simple, but it's effective. Anyway, the problem is, I guess you must have not heard about it, being so busy as you are. We can't answer any of these challenges, because we're getting double booked! First you put Todd and James in some ladder match at School's Out, meaning we can't accept a challenge on Pay Per View. Then last week, you're putting Faqu in there with the World Champion, so we can't accept a challenge then either. Your priorities are a... little all over the place. Look, I run my own promotion too... Josie groans under her breath. MADDIX ...so I know how hard it is to keep everyone happy with booking conflicts. So I'm just laying it out there, just something to keep in mind, unless you really HAVE to, don't be putting my guys into situations that don't matter anymore. What's important to us is the eight mans. JOSIE I appreciate the clarification. MADDIX Not a problem. Always glad to help. So, what are the chances of finding us opponents for tonight? JOSIE Well, as it happens, you're in luck. I've got opponents ready and waiting. Smiling, Landon doesn't seem to notice the tone of Josie's voice might not be leading to something he'll like. JOSIE You see, I've been meaning to talk to you about this eight man tag situation. Yeah. Very good idea. Not only is it great for unity... it's doing a great job of keeping those titles around your boys' waists, isn't it? MADDIX What do you mean by that? JOSIE Well, we can't have them defending the belts if they're in eight man tag matches, can we? Very crafty. Unfortunately, contrary to what you seem to think, nothing gets past me Landon. Trying to look as offended as possible at these 'wild' accusations, Landon stands up off the desk. JOSIE You've not been defending titles on PPV, on TV and even the live event defences are drying up. And now both the US and 6-Man Titles are running close to their 30 days. I'm not having another International Championship on my hands. So, tonight, Cucaracha Internacional are going to be defending their titles. MADDIX :O What? Why? JOSIE Were you not listening, I just explained exactly why! MADDIX But what about the eight man tag I asked for? You're just going to take my suggestion and toss it away, without even considering it? JOSIE Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. Now, if you could run along and pass the message on? I've got a lot of paperwork to be getting on with... I'm sure you understand. Trying to come up with another arguement, Landon comes up short and ends up stomping out of the room in a huff. Josie sighs and goes back to her paperwork as the sound of footsteps and muttering gets fainter and fainter.

There's a bit of a hold up in the show, being caused by problems backstage. MARV and MEL, The Christ Air Express, stand in their ring gear ready to compete. But there's clearly a problem and they look around, impatiently waiting for someone or something. That someone might not be Josie Baker, who stomps over in a bad mood to sheepish reactions. JOSIE Where is he? MARV Dude, I dunno man. He said he'd be here. MEL Ya know, he might have gotten lost or something. Or his train might be late. I dunno. JOSIE This is [i]Japan[/i], the trains are never late! Unless he shows up in the next five minutes, you can kiss goodbye to your title shot. I'm sorry but the last thing I need is unreliability. Laughter can be heard off screen. MARV and MEL's frustration turns to anger the moment they look over. Looking like the cats that got the cream, THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS stroll into shot, with Abdullah Abir Nerdly perhaps smiling the widest of the bunch. ABDULLAH Is there a problem here Ms. Baker? Oh, dear, what's the matter... missing someone perhaps? What a shame. Now, perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement. Before that arrangement can be spelled out, a tense Logan shoves in front of Abdullah pointing the finger at the CAE. LOGAN Face it, your boy cut and run. ABDULLAH Logan, please... LOGAN He finally figured out he was a loser, so here's hoping you two take the hint and go join him in obscurity real soon. We'll be happy to give you a kick in the right direction! MARV Oh yeah? MARV and MEL have heard enough and jump Logan, leading to an all out slugfest between the two teams! Abdullah tries to get his guys to break it up but they're not listening. JOSIE SECURITY! Get them out of here! Get them out of here, now! All of them! A ranks of OAOAST security pull The CAE and The Heavenly Rockers apart and try to pull them towards the exits. Abdullah runs behind trying to convince the security to use non-violent forms of control, as Josie watches on, arms folded. COLE Well I'm not sure what that means for our Six Man Tag Team Title match, because it was supposed to be The Christ Air Express and Jamie O'Hara challenging for the belts, I'm getting that confirmed right now in my ear. Apparantly, no sign of O'Hara and The Christ Air Express are now getting thrown out of the arena, along with The Heavenly Rockers! COACH That's what happens when you put your faith in a loser. COLE If it wasn't for The Heavenly Rockers and this ridiculous smear campaign they've been on, O'Hara would be here, I'm sure of that. COACH But instead he's hiding because he's embarrassed, is that what you're saying? Boy, we're really missing out by not having a guy like that around, huh?

COLE Our US Title match is up next, let's go back up to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP! In the ring, accompanied by BIFF ATLAS... from Brooklyn, New York. Weighing two hundred, twenty eight pounds... "THE DISCO DUCK"... VVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNYYYYYY... VVVAAAAAAAAALLLLLEEENNTTIIIIIIINNEEEEE!!! Vinny breaks out the "Night Fever" dance, shrugging off Biff's eager attempts to tell him something. COLE A big opportunity tonight for Brooklyn, New York's only known disco fan. "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche hits and the first time Nate Dogg shouts "Oh No", a quick burst of pyro shoots up from both sides of the ramp, showering Todd Cortez in sparkles as he stands preparing to walk down the aisle. BUFFER And introducing his opponent. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty six pounds... and representing Cucaracha Internacional... he is the reigning and defending OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPION... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOORRRRRRRRTTEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!!! Cortez climbs into the ring and stands on the turnbuckles, showing off the US Title to the Japanese fans. Still instant about trying to tell Vinny something, Biff is shooed from the ring by his tag partner, with more important things to worry about than Biff's insane superpower theories. Cortez hands the belt over to the referee and Vinny V gets a good look at it, before asking the referee to hold it in the air and using it as a makeshift disco ball, dancing underneath it!! COACH Oh yeah! COLE We've seen some disrespect and degredation for championship belts before and that's right up there. COACH Are you kidding? If Vinny wins tonight, I'm sure the belt will take pride of place, hanging over his dancefloor. *DINGDINGDING!* Vinny gets down to business and locks up with Cortez, grabbing a side headlock. The smile is wiped from Vinny's face though as Todd turns out of the headlock, sweeps the leg and kicks Vinny HARD in the spine! Rolling out of the ring Vinny calls a timeout. COLE That's what happens when you treat someone else's title belt as a disco ball... I assume, anyway... I don't imagine that's ever happened before, anywhere, ever. Having worked the kinks out in his back, shrugging off Biff's attempts to help in the process, Vinny climbs back into the ring. He asks for another lock up, only to fake Cortez out and boot him in the gut instead. Vinny clubs Todd in the back before giving him a chop to the chest, suddenly feeling good again. Off the ropes, he knocks Todd down with a shoulder charge and proceeds to dance again! COLE Now is not the time for dancing, even if you are "The Disco Duck". Vinny hits the ropes again, going up and over Cortez. Popping to his feet Cortez looks for a hiptoss, blocked by Valentine. After another ode to John Travolta, Vinny swings at Cortez with a clothesline. Cortez ducks though and rolls Vinny up... 1... 2... No! Vinny elbows Cortez down and tries a pin of his own... 1... 2... No! Shoving Cortez to the ropes, Vinny ducks his head and pays with a boot to the shoulder blade. He tries again with a clothesline but Cortez ducks again, waiting for Vinny to come back off the ropes and delivering a well-placed kick to the chest. With Vinny reeling, Todd delivers a clothesline off his own. And another, sending Vinny rolling to the floor again. COLE I think Cortez has had just about enough of Vinny's timeouts. Biff comes over to advise Vinny again, just as Cortez leans out of the ring... and clocks their heads together! COLE A meeting of the... uhm... minds? Pulled back onto the apron by Cortez, Valentine is nailed with a couple of right hands before the referee comes over. The moment's distraction allows Vinny to knee Cortez through the ropes and set him up, looking for a suplex to the floor. Cortez blocks the attempt and fights Valentine off, nailing him with some more shots. Staggered on the apron, Vinny holds onto the top rope hovering dangerously over the arena floor. One final right hand dislodges him... and luckily, Biff is there to come to Vinny's aid, catching Vinny in an electric chair as he falls off the apron. COACH Oh, the super strength! COLE The wha... please, don't you start! Ungrateful, Vinny yells at Biff to put him down but he seems more amazed at having heroicly rescued someone and tries to stop his legs from wobbling while he carries Vinny to 'safety'. Cortez watches on, confused. Before eventually he tires of the cherade and runs across the ring, DIVING INTO BIFF WITH A PLANCHA THAT SENDS BIFF AND VINNY ON HIS SHOULDERS CRASHING BACK INTO THE BARRICADE!!!!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE All they're missing is a long overcoat and a hat and they'd make the perfect Scooby Doo villian. Cortez untangles Valentine from Biff and throws him back into the ring, going for the pin... 1... 2... Kickout! Staggering away, hands in front of him, Vinny tries to buy some time but Cortez chases after him with a boot and sends him to the ropes. Knocking Vinny down with a back elbow, Todd turns away and follows up with a standing moonsault! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE I have to say, Cortez taking this challenge in his stride, unlike Landon Maddix earlier. COACH Todd's a fighting champion. Landon wouldn't invest his time and knowledge into anything less. COLE I'm sure Todd appreciates every bit of it. Vinny backs into a corner... *SLAP!* ...and gets chopped! *SLAP!* ...and again! Cortez then whips Vinny across the ring, but runs into a raised boot as he tries to follow up. COLE Oh, Vinny scores with a hard shot. Out of the corner, Vinny delivers a swinging neckbreaker on the doubled up US Champion! He crawls on top and makes the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Vinny shakes off the effects of the punishment he's been taking before attacking Cortez, clubbing him across the back as he tries to get up. Scoop and a slam puts Todd in position for Vinny to go up to the middle rope. He stands tall and jukes and jives a little, before driving the point of the elbow into the chest. COLE And Valentine starting to build some momentum. Any coincidence that Biff is still flat out on the floor? You decide. Doing a little celebratory dance, Vinny waves Todd back to his feet. A boot doubles him up, Vinny off the ropes with a kneelift. Vinny then grabs Cortez in a gutwrench and attempts to turn him up inside down, setting up Blame It On The Boogie! But Todd rolls right over onto his feet and reverses on Vinny, elevating him onto a shoulder and rolling SNAKE EYES in the corner. Turning into the ropes, Cortez then catches Vinny staggering backwards with the HOLLOW POOOOOIIIIIINNTT!! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Cortez looks for the finish and sets Vinny up, looking for the RIOT ACT PLUS... NO! Vinny backdrops his way out of it! COLE Vinny dodged a bullet there and... wait a minute, what's this? Motioning to the outside, Vinny calls very clearly for Biff to go and get him a steel chair. Still looking shaken up, Biff starts to walk around ringside to go grab a chair... but suddenly, he stops. To Vinny's confusion. A little more frantic, he waves at Biff to "put the pedal to the metal", but Biff wags his finger. And telling Vinny he has a "better idea", he goes back around the ring and starts to try and uproot the steel steps! COLE What is Biff doing? COACH I think Vinny's wondering the same thing. Biff struggles to get the lower steps away but manages to, as Vinny watches on bemused. Deep breath, Biff summons on his (super?) strength and prepares to throw the steps into the ring... and freezes. COLE Uh-oh... I think Biff may have thrown his back out! With Biff doubled up in pain, Vinny despairs before getting spun around by Cortez. Vinny throws a wild, instinctive right hand which Cortez ducks, jarring Valentine with the Crotch Droppah! Cortez then reels Vinny in and connects with the RIOT ACT PLUS~!~!~!#1#!~#!~, dead centre of the ring!! COLE Riot Act Plus, no Biff to save, this one is over! 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match and STILL OAOAST United States Champion... TTOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOORRRRRTTEEEEZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Vinny rolls out of the ring and he and Biff are left to help each other towards the back, one favouring his back and one favouring his neck. The US Champion remains in the ring and climbs the turnbuckles to salute the Japanese fans again. COLE And an impressive, successful title defence for the US Champ here in Tokyo! Cortez steps off the turnbuckles and begins to turn away, when suddenly a figure hops the barricade! Sliding into the ring, the unnamed attacker then nails an unsuspecting Cortez from behind with a clothesline!! COLE Wait a minute, what the hell is this!? COACH Is that... that guy, we've been seeing these past few weeks? Tommy G? COLE It is! That's exactly who it is! But what is he doing here in Japan!? As Todd picks himself up, Tommy G climbs onto the middle ring rope and waits for the US Champion to turn his way. 6'6" and 270, he amazes everybody by taking off and hooking Cortez in mid-air with a FLYING TORNADO DDT, planting Cortez right on his head!! COLE WOW! What a DDT that was... but WHY!? Standing over Cortez, the mysterious Tommy G looks around the crowd before down at Cortez with a satisfied smile. Security and referees make their way out, causing Tommy G to casually leave the same way he came, back through the crowd, having sent whatever message he intended to send.

Here's Leela disappointing me. Adam and Brody are just pissed because they're not a top 50 pimp like myself. I remember when I had a draft with my wrestling figures. I think I took Vampiro at #3 for one side because it was a cool figure. I was 10 years old. Pretty much the same deal as this is, in many ways.

I hope Brody bumps all these threads again tommorrow for no reason too.

I sure hope not, I've got two matches and a bunch of segments to be writing! One of them is Leon Rodez vs. Jumbo. My stuff might be late since I'm not sure I'll be here tonight to post it.

I might just give this site a try. Never been one to restrict myself to one forum and I don't really get why people rationalise it as a choice between one board or another, unless their time online is really limited. Branch out. (Pretend to) Meet different people. What's the deal with the bit at the top of the page Nitro, where you've got the big events with >Bet and >Results next to them? I understand you've only just found the place yourself, but do they really have some kind of odds on match outcomes or something, or is it just your standard prediction competition?

Gordon Brown makes racists look good by comparison?

In the hallways of the arena Jade Rodez-Duncan sits close to tears, being comforted by her burly boyfriend, Bohemoth. JADE I just hate seeing him so... so hurt and so broken up. I didn't go there for my sake, I went for him, honest. I just can't believe he'd [i]think[/i] that about me. BOHEMOTH I know, I know. I'm gonna go sort him out. As Bo starts to march off, Jade jumps out of her seat and holds her arm out in his path to stop him. JADE NO! BOHEMOTH Jade, he needs sorting out. He can't talk the way he did to you and get away with it, he needs some sense beating into him. JADE No, please Bo, don't. He doesn't know what he's saying at the moment, he's just angry and he's suffering. This isn't Leon, it's just not him. It's not his fault. He needs our help. He doesn't need anymore problems. Please, don't do anything. Relenting, Bo stands down. BOHEMOTH Fine. But something's gotta be said. First Zack and now you, it ain't right and you know it. I need to have it out with him sooner or later. JADE Promise me you won't hurt him. BOHEMOTH Listen, I can't promise anything. JADE You've got to. You don't understand, what we've got is one thing but... he's my family. Tell me you understand. A little evasive Bo seems to shrug, but Jade is insistant and makes Bo look her in the eyes. JADE If you love me, you'll promise not to hurt him. After a few seconds eye to eye, Bohemoth finally gives in and pecks Jade on the cheek. BOHEMOTH Fine. JADE Thank you. Bohemoth wraps a comfoting arm around Jade shoulder and walks her off, still not looking completely convinced.

Spread them out around the other stuff. You know, assuming there's enough other stuff. COLE Major changes here in the OAOAST and an unprecedented situation, TWO former World Champions off the back of this past Sunday night. And right now we're going to take you backstage and get some comments from a man who... well, who knows how he must be feeling right now, Leon Rodez. Backstage we go and in an unfortunate piece of staff management, we find Maggie Nerdly with microphone in hand. MAGGIE Uhm, thanks Michael. I'm gonna try and get a few words with the former World Champion, although I'm not sure he's gonna be in a talky mood. After a clear moment's hesitation, Maggie moves around a stack of metal pipes to a lonely and isolated part of the arena, literally the far corner. Sat there on the floor is Leon Rodez. Glancing up, Leon notices who's appeared in front of him and immediately he lowers his head with a snarl on his face. MAGGIE Leon? Staring straight ahead, Leon doesn't acknowledge his former girlfriend at all. MAGGIE Leon... it's Maggie, I need to get an interview with you. Still no answer and Maggie looks worried. Carefully she starts to approach Leon, when suddenly he looks up. LEON Haven't you done enough? MAGGIE I'm... just here to do an interview. It's my job, I'm sorry... LEON You're 'sorry'. You're '[i]sorry[/i]'? No, you're not sorry. You're pitiful. You're feeling sorry for [i]yourself[/i], because you look at me and you wonder what you did wrong, because everything is about [i]you[/i], isn't it? Needy. That's your problem. You're needy. If the world doesn't revolve around you then it doesn't matter. Well I realise now just how pathetic you really are. All the time we were together, you didn't give a crap about me, just about how I made [i]you[/i] feel. Heh... You're an attention whore, as well as an actual whore. Get the hell out of my sight. Gasping, Maggie can't quite believe how Leon can be so cruel. She tries to say something back, but feeling herself well up, she covers her mouth and scuttles off sobbing. Leon watches with a contemptful look before lowering his head again. COLE Er... well, unfortunately it... looks like we won't have that interview for you right now. We apologise for that, something we clearly didn't need to see. Poor Maggie. COACH Poor Maggie? Poor Leon more like.

COLE We understand that our broadcast colleague Josh Matthews is standing by, ready to try and talk to Leon Rodez. Hopefully we can get that interview this time, take it away Josh. As earlier, we find Leon sat in his secluded corner of the backstage area and a little more receptive to an interview who hasn't broken his heart. Josh stands over him, Leon staring the other way at the wall. MATTHEWS Leon, if we could, I'd like to get your thoughts on what happened this past Sunday at School's Out. LEON I'm not angry. And I'm not surprised. All I am... is numb. Leon glances over. LEON I told everybody what I was setting out to do this past Sunday. My goal was to take away from Zack what he had taken from me. To make him suffer the same pain that he's forced me to suffer. And I did that. I ran over that moment in my head a hundred times. Over and over again. And deep down, every time that thought ran through my mind, I knew in the back of my mind that I was going to pay. Pay for what I was going to do for Zack. And pay for my success. I just didn't expect it to be so soon... Scowling, Leon runs his hands through his hair. LEON But the source? That's no surprise to me. Because Krista Isadora Duncan is everything that's wrong with life. She epitomises how unfair life is. How someone can deserve nothing and get everything they desire. I've suffered thanks to Krista before, so I can't say I'm surprised that she's the source of my suffering now. But Krista needs to realise one thing. In my life, for every moment of pleasure, there must be one of pain. That moment, that brief moment of pleasure when I looked down at Zack being carried from the ring... that's the one moment of happiness I have to cling to from this entire sorry year. All the bad and all the wrong that's been dealt me on one hand, what I did to Zack on the other. Well, Krista, I feel that pain again now. And I'll feel this pain time and time again like I have for months. But that moment of pleasure at YOUR expense... it will be worth all the pain in the world to me. You deserve your taste of bad karma, perhaps more than anyone else. And I... Leon trails off and his head sinks down into his shoulders. The reason being the appearance of Jade Rodez-Duncan, wearing a worried expression on her face. She kneels down next to her uncle, who flinches wishing she wasn't so close. JADE We need to talk. LEON No we don't. JADE Yes... yes we do Leon. This isn't right and I can't bear seeing you like this anymore, you have to talk to somebody about this. You're depressed and you need... LEON I don't need to talk. Least of all to you. You're the absolute [i]last[/i] person I want to see right now, so why don't you just leave me alone? JADE Because I'm worried about you! Leon slowly looks up and chuckles under his breath. LEON Why the sudden change of heart? JADE What... Leon, please, stop this... LEON Why don't you just run along and go celebrate with Mommy? That's where you'd rather be. It's where you've been the past year, right? You didn't care about me then. I don't need you pretending to give a damn about me now, just to sooth your conscience. Standing up, Leon walks off and leaves his niece behind close to tears.

I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! "Womanizer" kicks in and through the impressive golden shower of pyro emerge the most x-rated couple in professional wrestling today, Malaysia Nerdly and of course Mister Dick. As well as the golden sparks, boos rain down on Mister Dick as he takes off his glittering white cowboy hat and holds it underneath himself and Malaysia to catch any of the stray spit they start swapping. For good measure he hocks a big loogie into the hat, which Malaysia places her face inside seconds later. COLE Ew. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, from San Antonio, Texas... weighing two hundred, thirty eight pounds. Accompanied to the ring by MALAYSIA NERDLY and representing The Deadly Alliance... MMMIIIIIISSSSSSSTTEEEEEERRRRRRRR... DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" BUFFER And in the ring, from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, two hundred nine pounds, MARCUS WALKER! The enhancement raises his fist to the crowd while Mister Dick slides into the ring and starts to feverishly pound his crotch into the canvas, paying no attention to his opponent. COLE Mister Dick has been in a bad mood, worse than usual that is, since missing out on being involved in this past Sunday's School's Out. But I guess all is right with the world now, having helped Reject capture Money In The Bank. COACH Yeah but I still think Mr. Dick's got some unfinished business with Denzel Spencer. *DINGDINGDING!* Mr. Dick rushes his opponent in the corner with kicks and stomps, working him down into the turnbuckles. Pinning his throat on the bottom rope, Mr. Dick then pushes up on the ropes, choking Walker to the referee's count of four. Satisfied with his work, Mr. Dick strolls all the way over to his corner for some more attention from Malaysia. COACH Isn't it refreshing to see true love flowering before your eyes? After some smooches, Mr. Dick is pointed back to the action by his authorative ladyfriend. Mr. Dick grabs Walker as he comes out of the corner, scooping and slamming him in the middle of the ring. And he enjoyed it so much, he decides to do it again. On the third scoop slam, he makes a lazy cover while giving Malaysia a good look at his rippling abs... 1... 2... Kickout. Not concerned with the kickout at all, Mr. Dick's gaze stays on Malaysia and he crawls across the ring for another kiss. COACH You know, I wouldn't stay in a bad mood long either if I had Malaysia. COLE If you had Malaysia, you'd be hospitalised within a week. COACH Yeah, but it'd be worth it. Whipping Walker to the ropes, Mister Dick knocks him down with a clothesline, all very routine for The Human Hard On. The fans start to get on his back and he gives as good as he gets, shouting abuse from over the ropes. Unbeknownest to MD, his inexperienced opponent is getting back up and his eyes widen as he spots an opportunity. Malaysia tries to warn her man, but before he knows what's happening, Mr. Dick has been pulled down with a schoolboy rollup! COLE WAIT A MINUTE! 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE Oh my, Mister Dick almost got shocked right there!! That cocksure attitude almost cost him again, if he thought what happened with Denzel was embarrassing, he nearly topped that tonight! Flustered, Mister Dick gets back up and is met with a combination of right hands from Walker, getting the crowd excited. Walker hits the ropes and has the presence of mind to duck a Dick clothesline. But Mister Dick has had enough at this point and DESTROYS his opponent coming back off the ropes with a STIFF KICK!!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH OH what a kick! COLE I think Mister Dick is finally paying attention. Suddenly Mr. Dick is all business, dragging the nobody who almost embarrassed him to his feet. He slaps Walker around a little, before jarring him with an inverted atomic drop. Hitting the ropes Mr. Dick shows more intensity with a Clothesline From Hell, mowing Walker down! COLE There's the Cock Shock and that should avoid the shock upset, but it could have been very different. Mister Dick drags what's left of Walker up again. Lifting him onto his shoulders, Mr. Dick hits the COCK BLOCK and forces Walker down with a disgruntled pin... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... MMIIIIIISSSSSTTEEEERRRR... DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Still scowling, Mister Dick looks almost embarrassed at what happened. Not even offering any physical contact for Malaysia, he storms out of the ring and gets into another arguement with some fans on his way to the back. COLE Clearly Mister Dick hasn't learnt the lessons that Denzel Spencer should have taught him. Maybe now, Mister Dick will start taking his opponents a little more seriously? COACH Why? COLE Why!? Coach, he could have gotten beat again tonight! COACH You want to know why Mister Dick's angry? Because he's the premier athlete in the world and he's sick of people getting by on flukes. This guy tonight? Would have been nothing but a fluke. Just like Denzel Spencer was nothing but a fluke. He's no match for Mister Dick, he just got lucky. And Mister Dick hates people who rely on luck. COLE You can put a positive spin on it all you want, but you don't win matches on paper or by tales of the tape, you win them in the ring. Maybe Mister Dick ought to learn that, instead of whining and crying when somebody like Denzel Spencer beats him fair and square?

So... that means you really think Brody is an over-utilised, bad poster who knows nothing about wrestling and isn't funny, right?

Yet more mixed messages, it's amazing. "I killed the board"; "hey this board has potential". "I'm a man"; "wait, no I'm not!". "e-feds are faggotry"; "*writes for the OAOAST to prove some pathetic point, probably because you're butthurt about something Zack said*" "I really wanted to improve the board"; "I was gonna delete shit to get a reaction". "I'm crazy."; "I'm not crazy, it's the voices in my head that are crazy!". It's a wonder you get through the day in one piece sweetie; sir. Then again, how else will you get your *LEENA ATTENTION*, I guess. *shrugs*

WHUT? Man, I don't think there was one finish on the entire show that wasn't bad or blown. Trust me, if you were there with us, I doubt you'd have enjoyed it. It was BAD.

Sorry for the delay guys, thought it'd be a good idea to stay up all night watching Halloween Havoc 1999. In hindsight, I was wrong. All done now. MUST READ. Honestly.

I'm nearly done. Definately by tonight.