King Cucaracha

I'm still holding out until I actually see it, but that line's got me worried. Getting rid of the Pure Title would be just a dumb move all round. When they don't go the 'both men losing 3 ropebreaks' finish too many matches in a row, the Pure Wrestling Title concept is one of the most innovative and interesting things in the business right now.

You can tell it's a serious and sombre start, when HeldDOWN~! gets the cold opening. And that's exactly what we've got tonight as we open in the parking lot to see the OAOAST 24/7 Champion Leon Rodez entering the arena. Slapping the security guard on the shoulder and flashing a thumbs up on a good job, Leon hauls his bag behind him as he enters the arena and finds himself confronted by a microphone weilding Josh Matthews. MATTHEWS Leon, a momentous night in OAOAST history, can we get some comments from you on the hot topic of conversation, Zack Malibu? RODEZ I'm not sure it's my place to comment. But...you know, it's a real shame. Sure, he stepped over the line... way over the line. But Zack's a good person. For a moment there's an awkward silence, which takes Leon a little by surprise. After all, interviewers are supposed to be talkative by their very nature. It's a weird night, see. MATTHEWS I doubt many would agree with that sentiment right now, but... RODEZ That's the problem, see. I've known his bad side and I've known his good side, we were Champions together and we were enemies and the fact is what he did was totally out of character for either one. Zack's no psycho. He's no threat to human life...(laughs to self)...I mean come on, he's a father now. He just...look, the guy was provoked and provoked. He's put up with so much crap from so many people and he's held back and held back but those Smartmark guys crossed the line. They didn't just step over it, they did it with a skip in their step. Zack's actions were a complete moment of madness. Breaking into his house and threatening his newborn baby and it's mother was pre-meditated and calculated. Cold blooded. And yet, it's so typical of everyone to turn a blind eye to that and jump on the popular bandwagon of making a scapegoat out of someone for one solitary mistake, no matter how much worthwhile they've done in the past. Months and months of the SWF guys making Zack's life a living hell and not one person in this company stood up for him. Not one... Pausing for a moment, Leon hangs his head a little. RODEZ Not even me. Leon looks back up, far more serious than you'd normally expect from him. Turning to Josh, Leon takes a deep, audible sigh before continuing. RODEZ What Zack did was wrong. I've got as long of a fuse and temper as anyone, so I can't really identify with him and how he reacted. But...well, I just hope it hasn't really come to this. Because if this really is the end of Zack Malibu in the OAOAST, then there's a lot of people that have failed him who are gonna look at themselves in the mirror tommorrow morning and feel pretty ashamed of themselves. And I'll be top of the list. With a sorrowful look to Josh, Rodez walks off the set, perhaps forgetting that was supposed to be part one of the interview. But he's long gone by the time Josh really notices, so the crack interviewer, perhaps a little guilty himself, waves for a cut to the opening video package.

Exactly. He worked stiff on a few nobodies, so what? Rosey has more upside than Jamal. Rosey carried off the goofy gimmick and he got pretty over with it. In 3MW Jamal was the noiser of the two, that's the sole reason he stood out. A few grunts and yells, that's pretty much what the Headshrinker gimmick entails. Put Jamal in the S.H.I.T shoes and everyone would see that he's pure S.H.I.T. Plus Rosey does a moonsault. Touché my friend.

Umaga's an uneducated savage from the deepest, darkest jungles of Samoa who sees AAE as his 'master'. Cookie cutter booking.

Euro '92 was a fluke.

The sooner they cut the strings on Umaga, the better. It's a decades old midcard gimmick stuck on a passable at best wrestler. The only thing he has going for him is an overrated, one-line manager who's one bad crowd away from debuting 'Wooza-Wuzza' as his new catchphrase. I'm all for trying new ideas and looking for new stars, but how is Jamal doing a Headshrinker redux with Slick as his manager new?

The answer is clearly Orton vs. Sweeney. Sweeney would carry Orton to the match of his life.

Have they actually confirmed that this is the end of the Pure Wrestling Title, or is this just a fancy way of saying 'Title vs. Title'?

24/7 Open Challenge Leon Rodez vs. SWFer Ghost Machine 4.0 HI-YAH Tag Team Titles D*LUX vs. The South Central Militia Guest Commentators: The GPX

Quite a stacked show, made better by the 'Syndicated' matches. The fact Chicken Mask Jr. was in the main event makes me proud in a very wrong kind of way. Nice to see Bruce doing something equally as...well, nonsequitor. As long as the regular characters get proper airtime to carry the show, it's good to see this sort of light-hearted stuff. I was a little unsure on the gun angle when I heard about it but I think it was pulled off pretty well, to the point it wasn't as much of a shock tactic as it was storyline development. All in all good stuff.

I wouldn't call CM Punk a wrestler with an MMA gimmick any more than I would Taker. They're just professional wrestlers who've taken an influence from it and incorporated a few moves. No different than someone taking elements from Japanese wrestling and adding it to what they have. If anything, it's a more legitimate way of say 'well bah gawd, Simon Dean has an extensive amateur background King, don't underestimate this young bluechipper'. I'm a casual MMA fan and not a diehard, but I don't have any interest in straight dead-on MMA gimmicks within professional wrestling. They tend to stick out like a sore thumb. Shamrock was able to mesh with other professional wrestlers and Angle of course 'got it'. You can't go into a professional wrestling show and wrestle a mixed martial arts match every time. If this Terkay guy can bump and play the crowd and all those elements and they manage to convince people he's a professional wrestler instead of just an MMA guy trying to play wrestling, then great. If not, he won't last long. It's professional wrestling. You have to be a wrestler first, MMA guy second.

You're not an indy valet by any chance? That pretty much says everything about the so called 'wrestling fans' that were at the show. I'm sure it wasn't 100%, probably not even 50%, but these ECW marks who think THEY are the show and not the wrestling, that's what kills me. London and Kendrick are as much ROH wrestlers and indy wet dreams as CM Punk. What's the big difference and why one over the other? And don't claim it's because they're 'WWE guys', because Kurt Angle has been eons more anti-ECW in his life than either and he's the greatest thing since sliced bread because he wears an ECW t-shirt now. By all reports, London and Kendrick had a good match. And they 'never got a chance'. So, the ECW marks (trying not to use 'mutants' here, despite the strong urge to) went with the full intention of NOT enjoying parts of the show? And to shit on the efforts of two people trying to do their jobs? I don't get it. If you/these ECW marks are such great, all-knowing professional wrestling fans, how come Justin Credible and Tommy Dreamer are given better receptions than far superior workers like London and Kendrick? Oh, and for the record, I don't enjoy DX and I'm not a 'super' smartmark. I just don't swallow the ECW Kool-Aid, with Heyman or without, like some people apparantly do.

I don't think having a 'fixed' plan of so many big matches and so many squashes really works, because it limits the freedom a bit. The fact that one week I can write a serious Cage Match (albeit sucky) and the next week do something stupid with the 24/7 Division is liberating and the thing that seperates us from the SWF. A little more organisation would be nice, but I don't think it should be a case of we 'must' have a certain amount of a certain thing each week. As far as lateness, I'm as guilty as anyone in recent months. Hell, more than anyone. Time difference is an issue if we're adding deadlines, but something to give me a kick up the arse and stop me from coming on Friday morning to edit my stuff in each week is welcomed.

Welcome to Bumpsville.

[b][SIZE=5]JUSTPRETENDTHISISSYNDICATED[/SIZE][/b] [SIZE=1]Syndicated, HI-YAH and Holla~! are registered trademarks of the OAOAST[/SIZE] SCHIAVONE Coming up next, a first for OAOAST Syndicated television as we bring you action from Japan, with the HI-YAH Tag Team Championships on the line. Ever since winning the titles, The Beverly Hills Blonds had failed to not just defend the titles in Japan, but failed to wrestle in Japan period. That naturally irked the HI-YAH Board of Directors, who ordered the Blonds to defend their titles in the company's home country within a fourty day period. The Blonds just about made the cut, as they defended their titles against the former champs, D*LUX, who have been out of action for the past month with Shayne Brave seperating his shoulder. But upon his return to action, D*LUX finally got their first traditional, two on two rematch. We now go to the pre-recorded coverage of that match. Seeing as they're all in Japanese and no-one in America is multi-cultural enough to be interested, we'll skip the introductions. Suffice to say, some people threw some streamers. VENTURA Ix-nay on the poilers-say. SCHIAVONE So, we join the match early and in progress. Your commentators for this one, the first two people we could get into the studios at short notice, Johnathan Coachman-san and Michael Cole-san. * BONG * Schiavone and Ventura BOW respectfully. *JAPANESE STAR-WIPE~!* As we magically travel back in time to the land that time hasn't actually forgotten, Tokyo, Japan, The Beverly Hills Blonds are out on the floor conversing with the Executive Producer of SMN Productions Mackenzie DeCenzo. In the ring, Shayne Brave has exited to his corner as Tyler Bryant stays in the ring. COLE Well, welcome to this coverage of the HI-YAH Tag Team Title showdown with myself and The Coach on voiceover duty. You love doing voice-ovesr, Coach. COACH Maybe I can pick up an award for voice-over work like my boy Sideshow Bob did a couple weeks ago. COLE And as you join us, or we join you, however this stuff works, you see The Beverly Hills Blonds already having to regroup on the floor as the tag team specialists D*LUX gained an early advantage in this match. COACH Of course they did, they were both in the ring at the same time! COLE And so were Ned and Simon. COACH And D*LUX had chairs, don't forget about the chairs! COLE Coach, just because people didn't see what happened doesn't mean you can make stuff up. Re-entering the ring, Simon Singleton is now the legal man. Whether he was or not you'll never know because you'll never see the beginning of this match. Ha! Simon and Tyler lock up and the OAOAST's only official voyeur snatches on a side headlock, to applause from his partners. Mackenzie shouts for Simon to 'Hold that pose', but Tyler disrupts the shot with a couple of forearms to the gut before shooting Simon off into the ropes. Back shoots Simon with a shoulder block, putting Tyler down and giving Si time to hit his brand new pose, the 'roll camera' pose. When that gets no reaction from the stoic Japanese fans Singleton gives up and hits the ropes again. A drop down by Tyler forces Simon up and over the top, coming off the ropes on the other side. Tyler goes over top this time with a leapfrog and scuttles over to his corner as soon as he lands on his feet, tagging in Shayne Brave. In he leaps as Simon rebounds, into the waiting challengers, who take him over with a Double Hiptoss! Ned takes that as his cue to enter, but he runs into a Double Dropkick, putting him back through the ropes and to the floor! COACH I'm begging the ref to get some order here. One in one out Wang, one in one out! COLE Coach, that's Charles Robinson. COACH I know, but Wang is a damn funny word. COLE No-one's denying that. The tag team specialists are warned by referee Robinson to quit with the double teaming, but in mid-protest Simon is thrown out of the ring, making the fact both of D*LUX are in the ring slightly less illegal. Mackenzie is forced to leave her director's chair and regroup her troops again on the floor. But she soon exits, stage left, upon seeing D*LUX on the run. Sprinting across the ring, Shayne and Tyler take flight, with Shayne wiping out Simon with a TOPÉ SUICIDA while Tyler bundles onto Ned's unwilling shoulders with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!! *APPLAUSE* COLE Respectful response from this Tokyo crowd for the stereo daredevilry of D*LUX! In the D*LUX corner Jade Rodez leads the clapping as Shayne and Tyler pull themselves up. However, their celebrations are short lived as Shayne collapses back down clutching his right shoulder, to the immediate concern of his tag team partner. COLE Uh-oh, I think Shayne may have hurt himself on that dive. And if so, that's the same shoulder he seperated just a few weeks ago. COACH That'll happen when you dive head-first into someone like that. Maybe he should have thought of that. Shayne tells Tyler not to worry and that he's okay, but he's clearly favouring the shoulder as he makes his way back towards his corner and to the attentions of Jade Rodez. Meanwhile, Tyler picks Simon back up and throws him into the ring. Climbing up onto the apron, the boybander stops, noticing Ned behind him and thrusting a foot back into the face. And as Ned goes tumbling back over the flimsy ringside barricade, Tyler springboards up to the top rope and in with a crossbody on the standing Singleton... 1... 2... Kickout! Rolling off of Simon, Tyler scrambles up and lies in waiting with a deep armdrag. Another armdrag. And a third armdrag to complete the trio, dizzying up Singleton and setting him up for a Superkick... *WHIFF!* ...which Singleton ducks! With the momentum he put into the kick carrying him, Tyler stumbles forward and gets caught from behind by Singleton, setting up for the Puroresu staple, the backdrop suplex. Tyler blocks once, then twice, so Simon instead pushes Tyler off and into the ropes. Instead of allowing the laws of wrestling physics to rebound him back though, Tyler takes matters into his own hands, leaping to the middle rope and moonsaulting back onto Simon... COLE Asai Press, I guess. 1... 2... No! COACH And a kickout, I...mickout? COLE Leave the rhyming to me, G. Tyler keeps the pressure on as he catches Simon the way up, backing him off the ropes and shooting him in with an irish whip. A back elbow misses the mark, so Tyler re-adjusts and leaps with a leg lariat...CAUGHT! Simon is able to slow down his run just enough to catch Tyler in mid-air, taking him fluidly over with a back suplex! COLE Nice counter there. COACH And the fans clap. I don't get it. COLE They're a very respectful nation Coach. A culture shock for us, I know. Having been dumped on the back of his head, Tyler instinctively looks to crawl to his corner. Simon cuts him off with a boot though, turning to Shayne and daring him in before running the ropes, landing a kneedrop to the back of the head. Shayne declines to take Simon's bait, possibly because his shoulder is continuining to give him some problems, so he instead watches on as another kneedrop finds the mark. Backing into the ropes again, Simon looks Shayne in the eye before virtually walking across the ring and dropping a leg down across the back of the head! Simon stays sat after the legdrop and smirks, to smirks all round from his partner and manager/business consultant/Executive Producer/repressed lesbian. SINGLETON TAKE TWO! *BAM!* Simon lifts the leg and slams it across the back of the head again like a clapboard. COLE This again? Urgh. SINGLETON TAKE THREE! *BAM!* SIMON OWWW! But Tyler rolls from underneath the leg, causing Singleton to jar it into the canvas on the third attempt! COACH Don't worry Mackie! We'll cut that bit out in editing. COLE Who's the one with the stupid gimmick here again, you or Simon? COACH ...is it both? Limping to his feet, the fuming perrenial second man of the team thinks about tagging his first man for a moment, but decides against it and instead looks for retribution. As Tyler climbs back up, Simon charges in and looks to take his head off with a clothesline. Spotting it coming Tyler throws up the arms and blocks with his forearms, which Simon ends up clattering his wrist into to leave him with two out of four limbs aching. Add to that list his jaw... which admitedly isn't a limb, but whatever... as Tyler strikes with a backfist, sending Singleton stumbling off to the side. Now it's Tyler's turn to contemplate the tag, but he too declines, although for different reasons. Shayne has the arm extended for the tag, but it's his non-injured arm, which hangs limp. So Tyler stays in and rushes towards Singleton, aiming for his head with a fitting Yakuza kick. Ducking underneath, Simon skids to a halt, turns in the centre of the ring and catches Tyler on his next run, sweeping him overhead with a Railgun Belly to Belly Suplex! COLE And Tyler pays the price for not making the tag when he had the chance. Simon gets back up and this time, he does make the tag, bringing in Ned. COLE Ned Blanchard, legal in the match for the first time. And after what we saw a week and a half ago on HeldDOWN~!, I'm sure these fans will be a little less 'receptive' towards The Handsome Hustler. COACH I hear no booing, they must love him. Stepping into the ring with all the drama and grandious you would expect from him, Ned hovers over Tyler and gleefully puts the boots to the pop wannabee. Eventually Robinson warns Ned about the kicks. So he changes it up, dropping to his knees and choking Tyler with his forearm! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOU..." Breaking on four Ned adobts his innocent look, which isn't going to win him any Oscars any time soon. Ned then brushes Robinson away and drags Tyler to his feet, hanging him over the ropes and driving a forearm into the gut. A second forearm. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And then a knifedge chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Make it two! Off the ropes comes Tyler, trying to fight back, which is a tough task when you walk straight into a knee. Ned then whips Tyler off into the ropes and catches him on the rebound with a powerslam! Calling referee Robinson over, Ned drops down with the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Tyler isn't put away, so back to the choke goes Ned... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FO..." Another break, another cover... 1... 2... Kickout! "TY - LAH!" "TY - LAH!" "TY - LAH!" "TY - LAH!" Jade leads the crowd in a chant of broken English behind Tyler, as he's pulled to his feet and locked in a front facelock by Blanchard. Tag is made. Heading to the middle rope Singleton waits as Ned lifts Tyler and drops him across a knee with a backbreaker. Singleton then comes off the ropes with an elbow, flipping Tyler off of Ned's knee and face-first into the mat. COLE An ode to Demolition, from the team of many odes. As Ned is escorted from the ring, Simon makes the cover. Robinson is momentarily caught up getting rid of Ned but leaps into action once he spots the pin... 1... 2... Broken up by Shayne! Still Shayne isn't getting full mobility out of his right arm, but he does break the count before retreating to the corner. Complaints from The Blonds and Mackie are useless now, so they re-concentrate on Tyler. Simon pulls the boybander up and dumps him out to the floor before taking issue with Shayne, finally able to lure him into the ring. Sure enough, Robinson holds him back... *CLANG!* ...while on the outside, Ned drops Tyler throat-first across the steel barricade! The Japanese fans closest to the action go scurrying as Blanchard turns out to them and bows, a gesture which is probably pretty offensive to them. Not that Ned seems to care. COLE Ned Blanchard, Sociopath. COACH C'mon Mikey, he's just trying to be 'respectful' to these 'respectful' people. Everywhere I've been all week, people have been bowing at the mere sight of me. COLE But... we're not in Japan... we're in a recording studio. COACH What difference does that make? Scooping up Bryant, Ned dumps the challenger back into the ring and dusts his hands. Meanwhile Simon has finished up his taunting and rushes over, pulling Tyler back up and capitalising with a gutbuster. He chains that with a quick vertical suplex and floats over, into a lateral press... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH Now Ned and Si are settling in. This is why they're the most successful team in OAOAST history, it's so natural to them. COLE The cheating aspect, anyway. And I'm sure Black T would argue they are the most successful tag team in OAOAST history. COACH After the show is over, they might even be employed by the OAOAST anymore. COLE Could happen. My colleague referring to the HUGE 10-person tag team match later in the broadcast. Tony Brannigan leading his team of Dan Black, Leon Rodez, Bohemoth and OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Alfdogg against Axel, Drek Stone, Hoff, Gunner Sharps and Crystal. COACH M-- COLE Yeah, we know.Your baby girl. COACH Gotta add some soul to it, baby boy. Simon now leaves the ring, stopping on the apron to check for any blindside attacks before heading up the turnbuckles. Slowly Tyler begins to pull himself up, while Simon sets on the top. Around lumbers the challenger and it seems for a moment he might find his corner, until Singleton soars and catches Tyler's attention, the boybander instinctively wheeling into his path and getting wiped out with a soaring crossbody block! The force of the landing bounces Simon off of the chest of his opponen, but he hops right back on top for the pinfall... 1... 2... Kickout! JADE COME ON TYLER! Jade's vocal encouragement earns her Simon's attention, the OAOAST's wanabee cameraman pointing a finger in her direction and yelling at her to pipe down. However, this distraction is giving Tyler the time to drag himself back to his feet. Frantic, Ned and Mackenzie shout for Simon to pay attention, bringing Simon around...and into an inverted atomic drop from Tyler! COACH Lowblow! COLE Which is of course a popular misnomer, as that move actually targets the coccyx. COACH That's what I said! As Simon hops on the spot and his partner vainly cries foul, Tyler quickly follows up with a standing dropkick. Tyler then rolls away and dives to his corner, making the tag to Shayne Brave. JADE YAAAAAAAAAAAY! Rushing into the ring, Shayne detours away from the still prone Singleton and barges Ned off the apron, sending him perilously close to Mackenzie and her director's chair. From behind Singleton creeps up on Shayne, but a sixth sense tells Shayne to turn around and throw a dropkick. Sixth sense, correct. As Shayne comes up he once again favours the shoulder, but does his best to shake it off as he heads to the top rope. COACH Can we fast forward this part? COLE No we can not! As Shayne reaches the top floor, Singleton walks in, prompting the dive. Instinctively Simon ducks his head. But Shayne spots it coming and adjusts just as he leaps, going over top and snaring Singleton over with a flying sunset flip... 1... 2... NO! First to his feet, Shayne keeps up the quick tempo and rushes towards the ropes, leaping up to the middle strand and preparing for a springboard move of some sort. Of which sort we won't know however, as just as he springs off the middle rope, Ned snatches Shayne's right arm out of mid-air and leaps from the apron, hanging "Showtime"s shoulder over the top rope! COLE Oh come on! A cry of pain escapes Shayne as he stumbles backwards, into the waiting arms of Simon Singleton who quickly spins him around, snatching the arm and driving him down with a Divorce Court single arm DDT! COLE And now The Beverly Hills Blonds are focusing on the arm, which is bad news for D*LUX. This is Shayne Brave's first match back since seperating his shoulder and while he's medically cleared to compete that arm simply can't be 100% so soon after the injury. COACH That's some great scouting is what that is. COLE Well, great is a little strong. Everyone knew about the injury. Simon decides to tag out and bring the fresher man back in, Ned going straight after the arm with some stomps. Tyler has to watch on helplessly from the apron as his brother in boybanding and tag team partnering tries to cover his shoulder with his good arm and hand, which doesn't really deflect much of the attack. Stomp after stomp rains down, Ned only stopping on his own accord. Ned now reaches down and hangs the arm over the bottom rope, stepping on the hand as he springs off the bottom rope, bringing his bodyweight crashing down across the shoulder in a remake of a modern day classic. Howling in pain, Shayne clutches the arm to his body. But Ned stomps it back into the open and hangs it up again, repeating the move from moments earlier to the destain of both Tyler and Jade across the ring. There's more destain to come though, as Ned leers over at Jade and blows his former slave a kiss. Jade turns away in disgust, but Ned sees fit to tell a different story to the fans. BLANCHARD She wants me. She wants me. SIMON (shouting across ring) Me love you long time, ain't that right, Jade? :P Dragging Tyler away from the ropes, Ned reaches up and makes the tag to Simon before stretching out the arm and pinning it to the canvas. Referee Robinson begins a five count, but Tyler tries to come in for the save, distracting him and giving Simon full time to climb to the top rope. Simon then leaps off and drops the big knee into the arm, sending Shayne into another fit of pain. COLE Imagine the pain Shayne must be in, that shoulder hanging onto the proverbial thread. COACH I guess Shayne won't have a shoulder to cry on after the match. Get it? Huh? Huh? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Simon throws his hands in the air and waves 'em like he just don't care, performing the Charleston and the Super Bowl Shuffle to mock the pop music aspect of D*LUX. Shayne cues up a mini-rally, reminding Simon and fans alike that he still has a left arm, punching Simon in the breadbasket from his knees. Doubled over, the "Video Voyeur" effectively kills Shayne's momentum by raking the eyes. Temporarily blinded, Shayne pokes out for the ropes as he wanders around. Simon displays his seal hunting skills, clubbing Shayne over the should and restoring a lost classic, the old fingernail-rake-across-the-back! SIMON :D COACH You gotta love... VENTURA ...the new WWF ring! COLE & COACH :huh: COACH Well, what I was trying to say is, you gotta love how Simon does everything with a smile. The man loves his job. About as much as you love blow... COLE IRISH WHIP! ...to the Beverly Hills Blonds corner. Ned raising both hands in the air to show he's not involved in any foul play. Although he probably wishes he had after Simon is served a nice big helping of boot to the face! And thanks to mix of baby oil and sweat Shayne manages to escape the clutches of the Handsome Hustler, slipping away. But trouble lies ahead in the form of Simon Singleton, who whiffs swinging for the fences. Just like he'll be doing in the bedroom tonight and for many days to come following an atomic drop that puts him on his heels. Shayne attempts to reach his corner by somersaulting between Simon's legs, but Simon steps through and bridges back and up on his neck! ONE... TWO... THR-- KICKOUT! Simon kicks Shayne in the shoulder to stay in control. Not for long, however, as both begin to play a game of Tug-of-War: Irish Whip Edition, each reversing the other's attempt until they run out of room and collide. Shayne falls against the ropes while Simon takes a delayed back bump straight from the Greg "The Hammer" Valentine school of selling. And wouldn't you know it, once Simon hits the mat Shayne falls forward and HEADBUTTS THE GROIN! SIMON :o COLE We felt that one all the way over here in our production studios, ladies and gentlemen. His face resembling something found in a National Geographic magazine, Simon scoots over to his corner and tags Ned. The Handsome Hustler barring the right arm of Shayne Brave behind the youngster's back and ramming the shoulder into the top turnbuckle, bringing him down afterwards in a hammerlock. Always the opportunist, Blanchard places his feet on the ropes for added leverage, once step ahead of the referee but eventually caught in the act. Blanchard fires Shayne to the ropes, driving the back of the elbow into the heart of Showtime prior to decking Tyler off the apron, baiting the Tremendous One into the ring knowing Charles Robinson will cut him off. And it works like a charm. Naturally, the Beverly Hills Blonds take advantage of the situation by executing one of their signature double-team maneuver -- drop toehold/elbow-to-the-back-of-the-head. COLE Come on, ref. Get 'em out of the ring. Look at this! An illegal switch. Simon placing the hammerlock back on Shayne Brave. What arrogance on the part of the Beverly Hills Blonds. COACH It's only cheating if you're caught. * JINX * The Blonds are caught. Not in the act, but Charles Robinson isn't stupid. He can tell the difference between a blond and a strawberry blond, proving so by ordering Ned back in. Surprisingly, no complaints from Ned or Mackenzie. In fact, Blanchard pats Charles on the bum for a job well done, telling him he's a credit to the sport. Why is the Handsome Hustler so jolly in July? Because he's about to put the match in the can, getting Shayne ready for the Slingshot Suplex. COLE There's the slingshot...but there's NO suplex. Float over...into the SHAYNEDROP! The excitement in the D*LUX corner subsides when Shayne immediately clutches his shoulder, the concussion from the mat too much for his shoulder to handle. Even though precious seconds have been wasted Shayne still makes the cover. He's got nothing to lose. ONE... TWO... NO! Mackenzie places Ned's foot on the ropes. One person who takes exception to that is Jade Rodez, chewing Mackie out...for her actions, that is. Ned returns to the curtain that is the ring apron, putting the match in Simon's hand. Right back to the arm he goes, feverishly stomping away. Shayne shoved into the corner. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" SIMON May I have another, kind sir? Oh, you're so kind. Why yes, you may. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" SIMON Move Ovaltine, please. Well, milk does the body good. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" SIMON :lol: :o Tired of being a non-sexual play toy, Shayne tosses Simon into the corner and chop... Owie, owie, owie. Shayne's arm so badly damage he can't even raise his arm for a knife-edge chop. Simon capitalizes, grabbing the arm and climbing up to the middle turnbuckle for another trip to Divorce Court, but Shayne swats Simon away to the mat and ascends to the top. FLYING CROSSBODY! ONE... TWO... THRE-- KICKOUT! Shayne quickly wraps Simon up in a small package! ONE... TWO... THREE-- NO! This time Simon is the first to his feet, and he scores with a swinging neckbreaker that sucks all the calm excitement in the air. Simon points at Ned and then to the top. CLAPBOARD LEGDROP! Ned struts from post to post on his side of the ring, asking the cute female Japanese translator to bring him the HI-YAH tag belts. COLE Premature celebration on the part of the Handsome Hustler. This match far from over. COACH Until the 3 count is made. Which is in... ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! SIMON & NED :huh: The Blonds go into panic mode, the frustration starting to sink in. Irish whip, Shayne ducks a double back elbow and makes the tag to Tyler as he rebounds off the ropes, pressed up into the air... DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK... COUNTERED INTO A DDT IN MIDAIR! Tyler from the apron into the ring and onto the Blonds crushes with a corkscrew slingshot crossbody! ONE... TWO... THREE-- DOUBLE KICKOUT! Tyler brings the Blonds together for a meeting of the minds, then with Shayne pairs off with Simon and Ned in the corner. 1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8... 9... 10! Their plans to hurl the Blonds into each other backfires when Simon reverses Tyler's Irish whip, sending him into the path of Ned Blanchard...STUN GUN~! Shayne freezes up, shocked at the turn of events, leaving him prone to attack. Simon kicks him in the gut and spikes him head-first into the mat with a DDT. The match back on scheduled, the Blonds prepare a release date for their double-team finisher. They climb to the top of opposite corners, visualizing the next scene on their HAND SCREENS~ and dive off... ...THE ATOMIC BLOND! COLE Nobody home! COACH They obviously must've learned about atomic weapons in North Korea, because that launch was a failure. The Blonds pop up gasping for air after missing the splashes from the top. Scoope and a slam, and another. Big hand for Simon, and one for Ned. A thumb to the eye stops Tyler in his tracks. The laboring Beverly Hills Blonds fire Tyler off to the ropes. Bryant managing to avoid double back elbows and clothesline attempts on the recoil, rolling under and finding himself together again with Shayne, the pair leveling the Blonds with stereo dropkicks! D*LUX give each a nod before thrusting forward... *SMACK!* *SMACK!* ...with a Double Superkick that disposes Ned out to the floor! COLE Hit Me Baby One More Time! COACH Oh, I'm gonna need another hit of tequila if this keeps up. Mackenzie frantically tries to revive the Handsome Hustler, going as far as giving him CPR. The lights are on but nobody is home. In the ring, Simon blindsides Shayne with a knee to the back, knocking Shayne out onto the apron. Singleton and Bryant trade blows, Tyler reversing Simon's Irish whip. Simon charges back on the rebound, leaping up and turning in midair so that he can hook his legs under Tyler's arms and bring him over in a modified victory roll...but Tyler somehow manages to block it, amazingly finding a way to maintain his balance long enough to slightly elevate Simon up in the air as Shayne flies off the top... COACH Oh, no. Not this. Anything but this. ...and, AS SEEN ON 60 MINUTES, drops the leg across the back of Simon's head! COLE Tyler with the cover! ONE... TWO... THREE!!! * DING DING * Jade jumps into the ring and dives on Shayne and Tyler, looking over to Mackenzie and giving her a nice big :P . The official announcement is made in Japanese and followed up in English. FEMALE TRANSLATOR (in distance) Your winners of the match and NEW HI-YAH Tag Team Champions... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT... "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE... D*LUX! COACH What the hell happened?! COLE The crowning of new champions. COACH I thought the Beverly Hills Blonds retained. COLE Didn't you pre-screen the footage? COACH No. COLE Then didn't you read the spoilers? COACH I don't know how to work a computer. COLE The hell you don't. Whose computer do you use to write your Hot Newzline scripts? Mine. And everytime you're done I have so much porn on my hardrive I can create my own site. COACH What you download on your computer is your own business. I don't have to put up with this. I'm not in the mood. COLE (groans) Well anyway, ladies and gentlemen, we have new HI-YAH Tag Team Champions. Congratulations to D*LUX and Jade Rodez. I'm sure they'll represent HI-YAH far better than the Beverly Hills Blonds did. Still to come, the huge 10-person tag for control of the OAOAST. Stay with us. We're back after this quick stroll down. We go to break viewing a still photo of D*LUX and Jade posing with the HI-YAH tag titles. [b][color=#993399]OAOAST SYNDICATED WILL CONTINUE *winkwink*[/color]![/b]

Yeah. It's in GCF, I'll bump it for whoever's posting the show this week.

BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the OAOAST 24/7 Championship of the World! At this time, we wish to remind you all, there will be NO refunds! [b]*GOOOOONG!*[/b] "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" "C'mon man" "DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK..." The familiar sounds of "Mama Said Knock You Out" by LL Cool J bring the crowd to their feet, happy as always to see the fun-loving 24/7 Champion Leon Rodez on his way to the ring. Decked out in silver, the robed Rodez slaps some hands on his way to the ring, not showing too much left-over disappointment from Syndicated. BUFFER Introducing first, from Grand Rapids, Michigan. He weighs in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds. The reigning and defending OAOAST 24/7 Champion... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLEEEEEEOOOONN RRRROOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Well, it's that time of the show where we venture into bizarro world. Leon Rodez has already run through The Spock and ZombieSault in these 24/7 Open Challenges and this week, he takes on an import from our friends in Japan, Hi-Gate. And, typically, it's not just any import. The eccentric Chicken Mask Jr., son of the original Chicken Mask, accepted the challenge and showed to the world that he's not chicken! COACH Gah! COLE Oh lighten up. Rodez rolls into the ring and disrobes, unconcerned with his challenge tonight. BUFFER And, introducing the opponent and challenger. From Cage 74 of Hensgate Farm, Tokyo, Japan. He weighs in tonight, uncooked, at pounds. Representing Hi-Gate Promotions... "THE PRECOCIOUS PRINCE OF POULTRY"... CHICKEN MASK... JJJJJUUUUUUUNNNIIOOOOOOUUUUURRRRRR!!!! Confusion spreads through the crowd like e-coli (or, is that from cows? I dunno.) as the jovial and rather wacky in it's own right, "Chicken Payback" by The Bees, cues. Leon jigs along to the infectious song as the entrance doors part, to reveal one of the oddest looking creatures in OAOAST history. And that's saying something. The cruiserweight frame is nothing new and the tights, yellow with red tassles down the sides, aren't too outlandish. But the mask is, because basically, it's a chicken mask. Duh. Complete with feathers and the... gross thing on the top of chicken's heads... Chicken Mask Jr. walks to the ring, as somewhere Terry Taylor wonders why he couldn't have gotten a mask in his day. At least that way he wouldn't have been recognised. COLE Oh man. COACH This is finger lickin' ridiculous! You'd think Leon would be used to these wacky opponents by now, but still he looks bemused, fighting back laughter as Chicken Mask Jr. rolls into the ring. A quick peck on the canvas finds no feed, so he pulls himself up, chicken walking across the ring and pecking curiously at the 24/7 Championship in Charles Robinson's hands. Creeped out, Robinson snatches the belt away and orders Chicken back to his corner, which he clucks off into. COLE So, Leon with another unorthodox opponent here tonight. But from all reports from Japan and I've done my homework on this, this youngster shouldn't be taken lightly. After all, is he really any different from, let's say, any of the Tiger Masks? Or Black Tigers? COACH Yes, because he's a CHICKEN!! Leon, still bemused by this opposition, signals that he's ready to go. No answer from Chicken Mask Jr., but Robinson isn't getting paid by the hour so calls for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* Neither he nor Leon expect the next happening however, as Chicken Mask Jr. flips out and starts to run around the ring like... well, like a headless chicken. Rodez scrambles out of the ring and Robinson follows, as Chicken Mask Jr. continues to squawk around. COLE Chicken Mask Jr. is apparantly a battery chicken, so the sound of the ring bell and this unusual amount of open space has understandably odd effects on him. Leon and Charles stand on the outside, chatting amongst themselves as Chicken Mask Jr. continues his rampage of the ring. But suddenly, The Southern Fried Superstar calms himself down and realises he's in a wrestling match, kicking into semi-human mode. Adjusting his run in mid-circle, Chicken Mask Jr. turns and charges the ropes. Robinson reacts quicker than Leon and dives for cover, as CM Jr. dives through the ropes and wipes out Leon with an unexpected topé!! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE See! Underneath that mask, there is an impressive professional wrestler. And it's falls count anywhere, as he goes for the pin on the floor... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Pulling Rodez up, Chicken Mask Jr. takes the Champion by top and tails, pitching him back into the ring. Chicken Mask Jr. curiously pecks underneath the ring apron briefly, but comes back out without weaponry and slides back into the ring, to be met with a boot to the gut from Leon on his way up. A forearm backs CM Jr. against the ropes, a second following before Leon hooks a feather covered wristband and whips his opponent across the ring. Back rebounds Chicken Mask Jr., the relatively skinny masked man being easily tilted and whirled around into a backbreaker. A hold of the mask helps Leon to keep the chicken man up though. Hooking on a reverse front facelock, Leon grabs the tights and lifts Chicken Mask Jr. up and over, looking to catch him over the back in backpack position. Chicken Mask Jr. floats over top though, landing behind Leon and pushing him to the ropes. And despite the bad back, as Rodez rebounds, Chicken Mask Jr. is waiting with an impressive standing dropkick! COLE Ooh. The talons right into the face! Chicken Mask Jr. pops back up and does a brief chicken walk, to the semi-delight of the fans. That gives Leon a chance to recover from the dropkick, but as he gets to his feet Chicken Mask Jr. is waiting. CM Jr. wraps on a front facelock and starts pecking at Leon's shoulder blades! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE That's inhumane! Eventually Leon grows tired of his upper back being treated like corn and snaps upright, backdropping Chicken Mask Jr. over. The plucky poultry person is up quickly as Leon favours his back, trying to check if he's bleeding at all. Unfortunately, he isn't the freaky kid from The Exorcist and can't rotate his head 360 degrees, so distracting him long enough for CM Jr. to attack from behind. Front facelock on, Chicken Mask Jr. points to the corner with a loud squawk and is met by a mixed reaction from the pro-Leon but also pro-wacky crowd. Chicken Mask Jr. then breaks into a run and climbs the buckles, twisting around with a Tornado DD...NO! Leon throws Chicken Mask Jr. off, the agile 'animal' however managing to land on his feet. Like a headless chicken, Chicken Mask Jr. runs headlong at Rodez as soon as he gets his footing. But Leon manages to sidestep him and swipe out the legs with a drop toehold, sending Chicken Mask Jr. face-first into the middle turnbuckle! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE That may turn the tide. Leon needs to get serious here, else he's going to end up with an unexpected and quite embarrassing loss here tonight. Picking himself up in the corner, the dis-orientated Chicken Mask Jr. turns around, just in time to take some Double Knees to the chest crushing him against the buckles. Chicken Mask Jr. promptly collapses out of the corner and after being dragged across a foot or so, finds himself in a bad position. LEON FOUR FIFTY! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Shouldn't that be the [i]Squawk[/i] Fifty? COACH Groan. Exiting to the apron, Leon scales the turnbuckles on the outside as the crowd around him rise to their feet. They've seen this plenty of times before from The Silky Smooth One, but it's still damn impressive. Rodez reaches the top quickly and notices the crowd's excitement, so milks it a little longer, asking the crowd if they really want to see 'it'. A mighty cheer tells him they do, so Rodez sets on top and tumbles forward, with the 450... ...AND FINDS ONLY CANVAS!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE No! He went for it too soon and again, Chicken Mask Jr. proves to be less of a pushover than the Champion maybe expected! Another chicken walk from Chicken Mask Jr. earns him some unexpected cheers as he stalks around the 24/7 Champion. Pushing back to his feet, Leon is met by CM Jr., who pecks away at his defences, literally. Leon throws his hands up to protect his face as Chicken Mask Jr. keeps on coming, backing Rodez defensively into a corner. Grabbing the ropes, Chicken Mask Jr. hauls himself up onto the second rope in front of Rodez and waits as the Champion peers nervously from behind his guard...and gets pecked across the nose! "ONE!" Peck! "TWO!" Peck! "THREE!" Peck! "FOUR!" Peck! "FIVE!" Peck! "SIX!" Peck! "SEVEN!" Peck! "EIGHT!" Peck! "NINE!" And a final Peck! "TEN!" Chicken Mask Jr. leaps down from the ropes and celebrates with a happy chicken walk. Leon meanwhile still sports the same look of bemusement from earlier as he stumbles from the corner. This certainly wasn't what he expected. Neither is the kick to the back of the head he gets as he nears the centre of the ring, striking him across the external occipital protuberance and knocking him clean out! "OOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Was that the Chick Kick!? COACH It's cringeworthy, so yes, probably. For some reason Chicken Mask Jr. decides now is the time for another strut, rather than following up on the kick. But eventually he clucks his way back over to Leon, scooping him into his back in a very chicken like way and diving on top with the pinfall attempt... 1... 2... Kickout! CHICKEN MASK JR. BWUUAAAK!? Chicken Mask Jr. questions the count, but Robinson informs him it was "buawk, buawk, shoulder up" rather than the "buawk, buawk, buawk" CM Jr. is contesting for. The Champion is being given some recovery time however, alerting Chicken Mask Jr. that he's still in a match. Forearms club Rodez down to his knees, setting him up as Chicken Mask Jr. hits the ropes and springs up off the fed knee... COLE Shining Gizzard~! COACH *slaps head* ...landing a kick to the stomach! Different, but effective. Effective enough for a pinfall attempt... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE I tell you what, I think Leon may have underestimated Chicken Mask Jr. He went for the finishing touches early on expecting him to be a pushover, but this challenger is clearly higher up the pecking order than Leon thought. COACH How many more of these do you have? COLE I don't know, but I do know this... if Leon doesn't soon mount some offence, this is in danger of becoming a [i]squawk[/i]over! COACH I miss ZombieSault. Climbing off the canvas Leon grabs at his gut with both hands, gasping for breath. Suddenly though, he finds one arm ripped away from the gut, as Chicken Mask Jr. creeps up behind and pulls the arm up behind Rodez's back! COLE CHICKENWING~! CHICKEN MASK JR. WITH THE DEADLY CHICKENWING!! Caught in the lethal hold, Rodez flails in panic and fear in search of an escape. Chicken Mask Jr. is trying to add a crossface to the chickenwing to really finish the 24/7 Champion off, but Leon's flailing is making that a tough task and eventually, after spinning and turning Chicken Mask Jr. into a stuppor, Rodez falls to his knees and sends CM Jr. sprawling forward across the middle rope. Favouring the arm, Rodez manages as much of a jig as one arm and an aching sternum will allow before hitting the ropes. Back he shoots, Chicken Mask Jr. still hung throat first over the middle rope as Leon dives in and drives all his weight into the spine! COLE Call That Bitch Bojangles... COACH ...YO~! COLE ... COACH What? I'm no fan of Rodez, but at least he's come dressed as a human being tonight. As Chicken Mask Jr. comes off of the ropes Leon affords himself time to chicken strut briefly, before rolling CM Jr. up into a pinning predicament... 1... 2... No! Chicken Mask Jr. rolls through to his feet and attempts to beat Leon to the punch, with a kick, right to the gut. But Leon catches the leg and leaves Chicken Mask Jr. hopping around on one leg like...well, a chicken with one leg. Swing and a miss from CM Jr. A second swing and a miss. And a peck and a miss. Rodez seems confused at that one, giving Chicken Mask Jr. time to throw an Enziguri. Rodez ducks though, causing The Southern Fried Superstar to flop face-first into the canvas. RODEZ YOU [b]COCK[/b]! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH What's with all these lameass puns, did someone give Malibu the pencil!? COLE Cock jokes and insider references. Break It Down, Coach. Not exactly insulted by the insult, because he is indeed a cock, Chicken Mask Jr. climbs up and finds himself trapped in a rear waistlock. Chicken Mask Jr. blocks the attempt at a suplex and performs a standing switch to end up behind Leon. Again Chicken Mask Jr. attempts to lock on the Crossface Chickenwing, but this time Leon is prepared and hoiks CM Jr. up onto his back... COLE BANANA HAMMO... ...only for Chicken Mask Jr. to start pecking frantically at Rodez's ear, until he frees himself from backpack position. COLE It seems our Japanese friend has done his homework. Leon has been finishing people off with that backpack stunner for the past few weeks and that's the second time Chicken Mask Jr. has escaped those clutches in this match. Upon landing on his feet Chicken Mask Jr. sets off into the ropes, shooting back with a clothesline attempt. Rodez ducks underneath the flailing wing however, charging the ropes himself and soaring back at Chicken Mask Jr. with a flying forearm! Faster than you can say 'That one was for Terry Taylor, biatch', Leon pops up and does a quick rooster strut rather than go for the cover. He has other ideas, as he pulls Chicken Mask Jr. back up, locking on a 3/4 facelock and pointing to the turnbuckles. COLE Start writing that Feedback... With Chicken Mask Jr. trailing behind, Leon runs to the corner... ...but is denied Feedback THIS, as Chicken Mask Jr. shoves him off, sending him chest first into the buckles! Incidentally, you can and should still feedback this. Anyway, the winded 24/7 Champion stumbles back out of the corner and right into the waiting Chicken Mask Jr., who snatches the right arm into a...yeah, you guessed it, a chickenwing. CM Jr. then pulls Rodez down with the left arm pinned down too, into a modified crucifix... 1... 2... NO! COLE Wow, almost! COACH You know, having Alix Spezia as the Champion was bad enough, but if we have a [i]Chicken[/i] holding our 24/7 Championship, we might as well just pack up and go back to our day jobs right now. COLE You have a day job? Grimacing under his mask and showing some rare humanity, Chicken Mask Jr. wraps on a front facelock to keep Leon controlled. He's a chicken, sure, but he knows his psychology. Rodez fights to his feet despite the pressure being put on his neck by The Precocious Prince Of Poultry and tries to take out the legs, but Chicken Mask Jr. keeps a wide base. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" COACH There we go, a sense of some normality finally. Hunting for an escape, Leon does grabs a leg and looks to rip it from the carcass. Like Thanksgiving. Only in August. And with chicken. Chicken Mask Jr. wriggles the leg back and lands a knee up into the chest, followed by a second. But The Silky Smooth One is not deterred for too long by these skinny chicken legs and lifts Chicken Mask Jr. up, then guides him down across a knee with an Inverted Atomic Drop! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Right to the giblets! COACH And welcome back to cloud cuckoo land. COLE Ha! That's the spirit Coach. COACH Wha...ah, CRAP! A clothesline by Leon follows up and sends Chicken Mask Jr. rolling for a reprieve on the outside. Rodez is happy to take his own reprieve in the ring too, having taken the majority of the punishment in the match, though not really 'hurt' as such. He just welcomes the rest. However, that rest may not last much longer, as on the outside Chicken Mask Jr. takes another curious sniff underneath the ring skirt...only this time, he doesn't come out empty handed. Pulling himself up onto the apron, Chicken Mask Jr. clutches in his right hand a non-descript but familiar to anyone who's watched wrestling for any noteable amount of time black bag. COLE Hey, hang on just a minute. I know there's No Disqualifications in 24/7 Title matches, but this is stepping over the line! We don't need this! The crowd begin to catch on and a nervous murmur goes up as Chicken Mask Jr. enters the ring. Referee Charles Robinson pleads with him to dump the bag, but CM Jr. just shrugs him aside and pulls away the tie. Opening up the back, Chicken Mask Jr. then reaches inside and Leon's eyes grow wide as saucers, as he scatters a handful of the contents across the ring canvas, then tips the entire bag, covering the ring canvas with thousands and thousands of... ...CHICKEN FEED!?! "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?" COLE OH, MY~! COACH Do you think the SWF is hiring yet? Shock and fear turns to confusion as Chicken Mask Jr. steps cautiously through the bird seed and approaches Rodez, who quickly has to shake himself back into the world of reality and pop him with a punch to the gut before he can attack. Rodez then grabs Chicken Mask Jr. by the mask and looks to turn him towards the bird seed. Then he realises it's bird seed, pauses, wonders what the hell is going on and gets caught by a knee. Chicken Mask Jr. isn't as confused of course and he drags Leon over, setting him in a standing headscissors and calling for a powerbomb. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh no, he's gonna powerbomb him into that razor sharp chicken feed. For the love of all that's holy somebody stop him!! Reaching down, Chicken Mask Jr. wraps the arms around the waist, giving Leon a quick few pecks to the spine before lifti...NO! Leon blocks. Another lif...NO! Again, Leon is too heavy. Panicking, Chicken Mask Jr. goes with what works and pecks away at the spine again to weaken Rodez up some more before his next try. But this time as CM Jr. tries to hoist the Champion up, Rodez snaps himself upright and backdrops Chicken Mask Jr. overhead... ...sending him plummeting... ...RIGHT INTO THE DEVESTATING PILE OF CHICKEN FEED!!!!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" COLE OH MAH GAWD!! SOMEBODY CALL 911 AND ASK FOR THE VETERINARIAN~!~!!~!!! "HOLY CLUCK!" "HOLY CLUCK!" "HOLY CLUCK!" "HOLY CLUCK!" Chicken Mask Jr. sells the chicken feed like a thousand white hot knives being pierced through his skin, rolling around in the bird seed to the nauseation of referee Charles Robinson. Even Rodez watches on, part disgust and part disbelief on his face, as Chicken Mask Jr. tries desperately to swat the seeds out of his back. Chicken Mask Jr. is clearly in agony. So it's a good job Rodez is there to put him out of his misery. *SMACK!* Superkick, right to the jaw, puts Chicken Mask Jr. down and sets up the cover... 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" And just like that, it's (some would say thankfully) over. Rolling off of Chicken Mask Jr., Rodez brushes some chicken feed from his arm with a grimace and quickly rolls out of the ring to collect his belt. And check himself out of bizarro world ASAP. BUFFER Your winner of the match and still the OAOAST 24/7 Champion, LEON RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZ!! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Well, that was certainly different. Leon Rodez, still 24/7 Champion. And while we clear those lethal seeds from the ring, let's go to something else.

Outside the arena and if wherever the heck we are is as hot as England has been, it's bloody roasting guvnor! Bad news for ducks, snowmen and fat people afraid to bare the flesh...or thin people who live near fat people who aren't afraid to bare the flesh. But it's good news for one lucky ice cream vendor who's drawing a roaring trade in the parking lot, as a queue of OAOAST personalities stand lined up and waiting in the heat, some more patiently than others. At the head of the queue, new HI-YAH Tag Team Champions D*LUX and their manageress Jade Rodez can't seem to make their minds up, to the frustration of some of the road agents and underpaid menia staff stuck behind them. SHAYNE Do you have any of those... chocolate things, that are like... [i]double[/i] chocolate? JADE Double chocolate? Is that wise? TYLER Oh, in that case, I'll have a broccoli sundae. Oh, wait, there's no such thing! Bummer, man, so long sixpack! JADE There'll be plenty of time to get flabby when your fans forget about you. Now, choose. A few audible sighs sound out as patience is wearing a little thin. But the threesome don't seem too bothered, Shayne looking over the pictures on the side of the truck again for good measure. JIVIN' JR (off screen) ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM! I'm burnin' up here bah gawd! CHRISTIAN WRIGHT (off screen) My perserverance levels continue to wane presently! MELODY NERDLY (off screen) If these bitches don't soon pick, I'm'a bust some caps in this joint! TERRY TAYLOR (off screen) Word. The collection of the OAOAST's most weird, wonderful and forgotten characters' murmuring becomes louder and more noticeable, until finally Jade turns around to give them an apologetic look. JADE How about we just get something simple guys? Two scoops of chocolate for me please Mr ice cream vendor guy. TYLER Oh, so you can have chocolate and we can't? Harsh! JADE Just choose already. TYLER Okay...uhm, well in that case...vanilla? ??? (off screen) That's funny, I woulda thought you two had enough vanilla as it is. And all heads turn! Stepping out of the queue, the chuckling Johnny Jax seems very amused at his tag team partner Scotty Static's wisecrack as they barge to the front and square up to the HI-YAH Tag Team Champions. D*LUX seem to be all smiles too, which makes the GPX's smiles a little less noticeable. Mockingly, Static looks from Shayne to Tyler and back again, rubbing his eyes in disbelief as Jax smirks at the side. JAX You know Scotty, I liked these guys better when they were us. STATIC I hear that. Feels like I stepped into the Twilight Zone or something, because I could swear I was looking at The GPX right now. You know, from back when the boyband thing was still cool. JAX Back when it was still original? STATIC Yeah. Man, those were the days J, those were the days. Sometimes I miss the old GPX man, the days when we'd tear things up just to get a cheap laugh. All those suckers we beat down? All those headlines we stole, those waves we made? Look at what we've become man. The respect, the high standing. It ain't the same. Sometimes it feels...I dunno, a little empty. I feel like throwing down some old school Scotty Static dawg, ya know, throw up the hands, scream out some YAHTZEE~!, dig? But then I realise that luckily, we don't have to, because apparantly we're popular enough to warrant a [i]tribute band[/i]. Static's mid speech jubilance quickly disappears on that last line as he turns to glare at D*LUX. Looking at each other, Tyler and Shayne seem a little confused at what warranted all this hostility. Their manager is far less laid back and isn't going to take this as lightly though, striding in front of her team and standing up to her brother's former running buddies. JADE What's your problem exactly? JAX How about the fact you and your mealtickets are ripping us off, hotcakes? STATIC You're making your names off of our legacy and it don't sit too well with us. See, a couple of greenhorns pretending to be The GPX re-invented takes away from the real GPX, really re-invented. Incase you hadn't noticed, unlike your boys, we ain't manufactured... WE'RE REAL! We've moved on from this boyband jig. Maybe ya'll should step into the 21st Century with us and stop riding our tails? JAX Either that, or pay us some damn royalties, because you've gotta be running through some copyright laws. TYLER Then maybe you should be paying a certain Canadian for ripping off his catchphrase too. I'm no laywer, but I'd like to see you prove.. that.. wrong! Burn! Jax scoffs, Static a little less amused. STATIC See, that's the thing dawg. We don't [i]need[/i] no stinkin' catchphrases. JAX Actions speak louder and we've been speaking loud and proud for years! Trailblazers, that's The GPX. We trailblazed this company. We paved the way in the tag division and we left that path open for wannabees like you to follow on along. JADE We don't need to follow anybody's path. STATIC Puhlease! Without your bro', you'd be picking up welfare checks every week sister. TYLER Hey, easy there buddy! SHAYNE What's with the hostility here? We're just trying to get an ice here. TYLER Maybe if you're so 'real', you should settle this in the ring instead of out here? That offer prompts some smiles from The GPX as Johnny adjusts his Six Man Tag Team Championship over his shoulder. STATIC Sure thing boys. JAX And unless your little 'bodyguard' here doubles up as a wrestler, I'm gonna assume you're not after our Six Man Tag straps. So we'll settle this straight up. No Holliganda, just GPX to D*LUX, two to two. STATIC If you gots the balls, natch. YAHTZ... Scotty stops himself in mid old-school catchphrase, shaking his head. STATIC ...nah, I don't think so. The GPX stride off, curiously without the ice creams they had been queuing for previously, leaving the flustered HI-YAH Tag Team Champions to watch on.

Syndicated fallout. Wait, what? Uh, okay. 24/7 Open Challenge Leon Rodez © vs. HI-GATE's Chicken Mask Jr.

I've always spelt it curb, but then again I can't write English English anyway. That's what you get for watching U.S TV 90% of the time. Hell, I've got Frasier on in the background as I type. Which I guess should make me sound more intelligent, but as I say, it's in the background.

Aside from Chelsea, the clubs they're joining (Inter, Madrid and Barca) are willing to pay them more outrage wages. There's your basic explanation. To be fair, La Liga and Serie A are probably more exciting prospects. The choices for the Premiership are either a. Join Chelsea and risk sitting on the bench 50% of your games or b. Join anyone apart from Chelsea and kiss goodbye to winning the league.

Alf.

I approve. As far as teams go though, I doubt it'd work. Assuming people really got into it, they could put whoever they were wrestling that week on their roster, have them kick out of seven consecutive finishers and rack up the points easily. I like it as it is, a fun little way of showing who is teh content.

Main event is in and there's some important developments that mean everyone should re-read the show, w/ME. Seriously, do it now.