King Cucaracha

Somebody explain how this is a 'new' breed. Please.

We can write matches. Read the shows, find out. It's just people adapting to 'SWF style' of dragging 7 minute matches out into 10k of the floweriest language possible. But the invasion deal is being dealt with by Bruce (SWF), Rando (SWF), Zack (former SWF) and I'm probably helping out as and when (SWF). As far as I know, it's not a case of people coming in and writing SWF matches, because with the OAOAST, it's a case of furthering storylines through matches knowing that your stuff will be in the show regardless. In other news, I should get around to reading the show. But congrats to Toxx. I kinda expected it, wasn't overly pleased with my match, but congrats nonetheless. Maybe if England hadn't played on Saturday things would have been different.

I recorded the re-run and watched a little more and have come to the conclusion that ECW has the biggest ratio of dumb marks to real wrestling fans in the world of wrestling. Case in point: 'Eugene sucks', but when Spike Dudley came in with the 'mentally retarded' gimmick, they loved it. Because it was ECW. And ECW fans are blind marks for anything ECW does. Angle walked out on ECW because what they were doing was 'too extreme' for him, but now he's the messiah of professional wrestling. No, the ECW fans were trying to be smart as usual and came up short, as usual. I tried to like it, I really did. I put aside all the things I hate about this new ECW, I tried to forget it's just a marketing ploy. But I'm completely with Rudo. The fans seemed dumber than ever. The best match was Orton (WWE) vs. Angle (WWE). All my misconceptions of ECW, bang on. At first, I felt kinda sorry for the ECW fans who'd buy into this con. After seeing how fucking dumb and disrespectful they by and large are, I couldn't care less.

House Rules~!

I'm still trying to get over the mass groaning when Hargreaves was brought on on Saturday. The atmosphere just died flat the moment you saw him on the touchline.

How come when Orton applied the chinlock it was 'boring', but Angle applies a headlock and the ECW fans creamed themselves for the technical wrestling display~! exactly? My minor observation after sitting through the first 15/20 minutes then going to bed.

11.9k and finally in.

"No Gimmicks Needed" Chris Candido, anyone?

I've got a bad feeling, if only because we're terrible in opening games. Paraguay are the sort of team we could easily slip up against in an opening game, where-as we'd usually cream them in any other surroundings. Anyway, bugger the opening day. I forgot to register my dream team with The Sun in time and I had both Klose and Schweinsteiger in it. At least I'm a little more optimistic for England now. Judging from the first two games, so long as England can get out of the group we should have no problem against any of the 4 teams from Group A. All four looked weak in defence, even Ecuador.

Wasn't this basically the storyline reason Big Show joined ECW from the WWE? Must try harder.

Well, Team Heyross are only Lumberjacks, so if you want them in the battle royal then feel free. And you can include CW and Bo too.

One of those things. I wrote my match in about an hour and didn't announce it because I wasn't sure I'd have time to even do that. So neither me nor whoever wrote the tag match (Rando?) obviously knew we had similiar plans.

Up to 9th. I

Some of the later ECW DVDs and videos were released with studio music dubbed over top of the real music and the difference was more than you'd think. Al Snow coming out to something other than "Breathe" just isn't the same. The F.B.I without the Stayin' Alive Remix isn't the same. Mikey without "Loser" wouldn't be the same.

Germany 2:0 and Poland/Ecuador goalless.

I need to start giving a crap about ECW.

Lumberjack Match "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant w/Shayne Brave and The Heavenly Rockers -VS- "The Handsome Hustler" Ned Blanchard w/Simon Singleton and Team Heyross. If Tyler wins, Jade is no longer Ned's slave. If Ned wins, he gonna get sum bootah~! Plus a segment with Leon and Crystal.

For now, Leon, Bo and CW. Also, I'm fine with writing the Battle Royal again this year, unless someone else has called it unbeknownest to me and on the condition that people actually write tag matches this year.

We return to HeldDOWN~! with the questionable sounds of "It's Raining Men" playing and the Canadian fans not knowing quite how to react to Los Diablos De Fuego as they jig down to the ring. Mariachi rides an imaginary pony down the ramp while Moracca hands his pink sombrero to a ringside fan, giving him a seductive wink. Yes, him. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied to the ring by Mariachi and their mascot, El Oveja! He weighs in at one hundred and seventy one pounds... hailing from Cabo San Lucas, MEHICO! He represents Los Diablos De Feugo... MMMOOORRRRRAAAAAACCAAAAAAAA!!! CABOOSE Is that a blow up sheep doll? COLE Yes, that's El Oveja, Los Diablos' new mascot. CABOOSE Why's there a hole in the bottom of it? COLE ...Moracca of Los Diablos De Fuego in action next, taking on "The Natural" Christian Wright. This will be Christian's first match without Bohemoth by his side in the OAOAST and it'll be interesting to see how he gets on, against certainly one of our more 'unique' workers. There's history here, Los Diablos being responsible for Christian and Bohemoth's defeat to Chicks Over Dicks at AngleMania earlier this year which was one of the major factors in Wright and Bohemoth's break-up. *BREEEAAAK!* The well trained fans boo wildly as "Tear Away" by Drowning Pool hits, the new entrance music of the former HI-YAH World Heavyweight Champion, Christian Wright. Striding out through the entrance doors, Wright holds his hands aside and waits in the spotlight lighting up the stage before pulling away his hood and striding on down the aisle. BUFFER And, his opponent! From Raleigh, North Carolina...he weighs two hundred and thirty three pounds. The OAOAST 2005 Rookie Of The Year... "THE NATURAL"... CCHHHHRRRRRIIIIISSSSTIIIIIAAAANN WWRRRRIIIIIIIIIGGHHHHHHHHHTT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Jogging his way up the ring steps, Christian stops on the apron and disrobes of his...robe...tossing it on top of a nearby stagehand before entering the ring. Mariachi and sheep doll quickly leave the ring as Wright glares across at Los Diablos, with noted distain on his face. COLE Christian Wright seems very eager to remind everyone about his status as Rookie Of The Year, but you could argue that he really hasn't lived up to that billing so far this year. CABOOSE Why do you think he's always pointing it out? It's the only thing he's accomplished all year. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and we are underway, with the unorthodox Moracca skipping across the ring merrily to lock up. In no mood for games, Wright shrugs that lock up attempt away and buries a knee into the gut, clubbing Moracca over the spine with a forearm and making his intentions perfectly clear in the process. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" COLE And there's the chant, starting up early. Wright seems even more fired up now as he wraps on a tight headlock, grinding his forearm across Moracca's ear in the hope of cauliflowering it up. In moves referee Charles Robinson, but although Moracca's a little affeminate he's not that weak to quit from a headlock. Landing some forearm to the ribs, Moracca weakens up the headlock before backing off the ropes, shooting CW off the otherside. Wright shoots back at Moracca tries to stand up to him, but ends up going down from a shoulder block. Off goes Wright again, Moracca rolling over onto his front for Wright to go up and ove...NO! Moracca pushes up as CW goes over, tripping him up and causing him to land flat on his face! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Coming up holding his nose, Wright wheels around and Moracca catches him with an armdrag! Up comes Wright, into a second armdrag from Moracca! And Wright completes his misery by walking into a third armdrag, leading into an armbar by Moracca. COLE Unorthodox he may be, but don't count Moracca out. Los Diablos De Fuego had a pretty good record down in OAOVW and became staunch fan favourites in the process. COACH But they're not the 2005 Rookie Of The Year! COLE Not you too. Wright clambers up in the armbar, ending up getting the arm wrung for his trouble. Rather than work on the hold or keep it tightened up or even keep it properly applied, Moracca instead places Wright's hand on his chest, guiding it down towards his crotch...which is thankfully cut off by another knee from CW! The morality man then slaps Moracca upside the head for his lurid behaviour, before snapping him over with a vertical suplex for a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Roughly hauling Moracca up, Wright slams in a forearm and then a second, before whipping Moracca off into a corner. However, Moracca lands chest first on the top turnbuckle, able to manoeuvre himself up and over the top to the apron. Momentarily surprised, Wright delays his charge, eventually running and getting slapped across the chest for his trouble. Locking fingers with The Natural, Moracca climbs the ropes and tumbles in, taking Wright over by the arm lucha style! COLE There we go! Again, Moracca showing what he can do! Wright pulls himself up as Moracca hits the ropes, shooting himself out into a wheelbarrow position. Catching the Diablo, Wright manages to counter and as Moracca pushes up off the mat Christian catches him in a waistlock. But unfortunately for Wright, Moracca decides he likes this position, bumping and grinding with a dirty smile on his face! COLE Oh Lord. Disgusted, Wright pushes Moracca away and tries to dust off the gay he's left behind, but leaves himself open for a schoolboy rollup from Moracca... 1... 2... Kickout! Scrambling up Wright begins to charge in, but so does Moracca. Thinking himself the wiser, CW ducks his head...but Moracca goes up and over with a sunset flip... 1... 2... Kickout! Beginning to reel a bit, Christian is backed up against the ropes by Moracca and sent off the other side, rebounding back and taking an inverted atomic drop! Wright instantly clutches his 'area' and in a surprising show of sportsmanship, Moracca attempts to help him out by offering to rub it better. Wright doesn't appreciate the gesture though and wipes Moracca out with a clothesline! COLE You get the feeling that Christian is lacking a little confidence tonight, because so far Moracca who is a predominant tag team wrestler is having the best of this match. CABOOSE I know Wright's had a bad run recently, but losing to Moracca would top everything he's lost this year, surely. COACH Not gonna happen. CDub's smart, that's why he's the Rookie Of The Year and Bohemoth wasn't. Wright continues to favour himself but pulls Moracca to his feet, draping his arms over the ropes... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lashing him with a knifedge chop. Moracca grimaces in pain, at first, before rubbing his nipples. Yeah, and I can't believe I wrote that. Confused as to what to do, Wright goes to the gut with another knee before pulling Moracca off the ropes. Chops, apparantly, don't have the desired effect so Wright instead slams a forearm across the side of the head before scooping Moracca for a slam. Moracca is able to go up and over, landing behind CW. Quickly Wright lands a back elbow to stop Moracca from capitalising, then takes him over with a crisp Belly To Belly Suplex! Making sure not to put too much body on body, CW follows up with a pin... 1... 2... Kickout! Wright applies a simple rear chinlock to try and slow Moracca down, but Moracca pushes up and sits out with a Jawbreaker! The whiplash effect sends Christian retreating backwards and into the corner, where Moracca runs in and crushes him with a clothesline. Winded, CW slumps down against the bottom turnbuckle, as Moracca lights up. CABOOSE Oh no, he's not. COLE I think he might be. Folks, if you didn't put the women and children to bed already, now might be a good time. Moracca happily slaps his cheeks, Mariachi applauding him on as he backs up towards CW...AND GIVES THE NATURAL THE STINKFACE!!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAA - EEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!!" COACH That's wrong. So so wrong. For what seems an eternity Wright finds himself with Moracca's BUTT rubbed in his face, but finally he manages to push him away. Clearly pleased with himself, Moracca skips over to Mariachi who has climbed onto the apron and gives his tag partner a hug. Wright meanwhile pulls himself up, trying to swat away the smell from his nostrils and failing. Out he staggers, into Moracca who performs a simple double leg takedown before floating over into a Jacknife pin... 1... 2... Kickout! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Wow, Moracca almost had him! What an upset that would have been! CABOOSE That's a little debatable, with Wright's form. Both men come back up and it's Wright who strikes this time, a European uppercut knocking Moracca into the corner. Down to the bottom turnbuckle drops Moracca and unlike Wright, Moracca is more than willing to stay sat. Looking down with disgust, Wright is beckoned on by Moracca, the fruity Mexican licking his lips in anticipation... ...and slowly, Wright smiles. COLE Uhm...what the hell's going on? What's going on is Christian Wright backin' that ass up! Moracca eagerly awaits the Stinkface and Wright seems willing to oblige, slapping his ass as he backs towards Moracca. COLE Am I seeing things? Have Los Diablos De Fuego converted the convertor!?! Backing up, Wright shakes what God gave him as he approaches Moracca, eyes closed, waiting with baited breath. Not seeing Wright stop short, tapping his temple. *SMACK!* "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HE BROKE HIS FACE~! COACH YES! I TOLD YA, HE'S A GENIUS!! Shocking Moracca with a mule kick right in the face, Wright kills Moracca's buzz flat. Moracca writhes in pain holding his face, until Wright then hauls him up, the smile long gone now as he hooks on a front facelock. Up goes Moracca...and with a twist, DOWN goes Moracca! COLE Converting The Sinner!! 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And just like that, there goes the losing streak! Christian Wright picks up a crucial victory! BUFFER Here is your winner... The OAOAST 2005 Rookie Of The Year... CHRISTIAN WRRII... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Wait, what!?! COLE OMGIT'SPIMPHEMOTH~!~! The crowd go bananas as striding down the ramp comes The Meterosexual Monster himself, Bohemoth, suited and booted and stylish as ever. Christian panics and bails from the ring, hiding himself up beside Sofa Central as Bo casually strides to the ring where Mariachi is busy checking on the fallen Moracca. Jogging up the steps, Bo enters the ring and stares at Wright through orange tinted sunglasses, totally stoic. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" Pensive even to be in the same arena as his former bodyguard, Wright hops over the barricade and begs for the bigman not to think about following. Bohemoth watches on for a moment before slowly removing his sunglasses. Folding up the shades, Bo places them carefully in his front jacket pocket, before taking a step forward... ...and DESTROYING Mariachi with the MURDERLINE~! COLE Woah! Wh...what the hell was that for!?! CABOOSE Maybe Bo remembers getting glitter thrown in his eyes at AngleMania by these two fruit baskets. The crowd seem stunned for a moment but soon cheer on the ultra cool Bohemoth as he pulls Mariachi back up. Moracca remains down and hurt as Bohemoth scoops Mariachi up into his arms, parades the Mexican around, before spinning him out, around and DOWN with the Erotic Awakening Of B!! Mariachi quivers on the canvas, Wright watching on in horror, as Bohemoth now lifts Moracca up. Stooping low, Bo hoists up Moracca, turning swiftly and PLANTING Moracca with a Front Spinebuster, ONTO Mariachi!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Bohemoth has just destroyed Los Diablos De Fuego! And look at the look of fear on Christian Wright's face! The decimated Los Diablos cuddle up to each other for consolance as Bohemoth retrieves his shades from his pocket and puts them back on. And without further motion or word, Bo takes a last glance at the cowering Christian Wright before turning and abruptly leaving. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" COLE I think Bohemoth has just sent a message loud and clear to Christian Wright, who has still yet to accept his former bodyguard's challenge for a match at The Great Angle Bash! And if I were Christian, I'd be inclined to keep things that way! COACH Bo's just a power guy. Sure, he looked impressive beating up Morachi and Marracas, but CDub proved tonight that he's smart. He won with his brains, not just his brawn and if Bo got his match at The Bash, he'd be outsmarted just the same. Bo doesn't take a second look back, walking stoicly back up the ramp as Wright takes his leave through the crowd. Aaaand, commercial!

0. But I've been TOASTing those OATs, so you know. Actually it's not 0, the intro is done. Can't be bothered to count right now. Toxx, you can drive to Cambridge by all means. Don't expect me to be there though.

Probably protection, for both him and Rob, like when guys raise their arms a little when taking splashes. And Scroby, no problem. I hate people who use terms like "in the business" when they're not in the business, but I can deal with people when they actually are.

Backstage and still depressed at her hand in her brother's defeat earlier in the night, Jade Rodez sits alone in one of the arena's long corridors with her head hung down looking at the floor sadly, in no mood for any conversations or condolences. Unfortunately, that's just what she's going to get, as the Beverly Hills Blonds celebration party has stumbled across Jade. Simon and Mackenzie chatter away in the background as out in front, Ned Blanchard is busy talking on his cellphone, still in his ring gear. BLANCHARD Not at all, not at all! It was my pleasure! And if you ever need any assistance dealing with him again, just give me a call and I'll be at your side at a moment's notice. Listen, I've gotta go. Thanks again for the call Crystal, I'll see you next week. ... (hanging up) Why so glum, Cookie? Cheer up, you did great out there! Giving no response, Jade continues to hang her head. BLANCHARD Oh come on, what's the matter? Don't tell me that you're all sad because I beat your brother cleanly in the middle of that ring. He should be used to it by now. Besides, families in wrestling are never supposed to get along anyway. It's an unwritten rule. So you tripped him up? Big deal! Sneering, Ned twirls a lock of Jade's hair around his finger, causing her to pull away. BLANCHARD I know just the thing to cheer you up... JOSH MATTHEWS JADE! Jade Rodez! BLANCHARD Oh jeez. Rushing onto the scene, Josh Matthews skids to a halt beside the unimpressed Beverly Hills Blonds, with a clipboard in his hands. MATTHEWS Jade, I just got back from the head office and this is the contract that you wanted, all approved... BLANCHARD Let me see that! Snatching the clipboard away from Matthews, Ned scans the contract, shaking his head with a wry smile. Mackenzie eventually snatches it away herself, causing murmurs from the BHB. BLANCHARD What the hell is this? MATTHEWS Well, it's a contract for next week, for one on one match between yourself and "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant. And not only that, but it will be a Lumberjack Match, with each of you able to select three hand picked Lumberjacks. (notices everyone looking at him) ...I read it on the way. MACKENZIE Wait a second, what the hell is this about stipulations!?! MATTHEWS You mean the bit where if Tyler wins, then Jade is freed from the contract forcing her to be your slave? "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" BLANCHARD Wha...[i]YES[/i], the bit about Jade being free from her contract! You don't give me a lot of credit, do you Cookie? What the hell makes you think I'd sign away that, especially after I won it fairly and squarely at School's Out? Finally looking up, Jade JADE Because it he loses...I'll do anything you ask. SINGLETON You're already doing that dummy, that's one of the condition of being a slave! Infact, now that I think about it, that's kinda the only condition of being a slave. BLANCHARD Wait wait, hear her out. By anything you mean...'anything' anything? JADE Yes. BLANCHARD No questions asked? JADE Yes. BLANCHARD Any time of the day, whenever I want it? JADE ...yes. Perking up, understandably, Ned snatches back the contract and a pen from Josh Matthews' front pocket. Without hesitation, The Handsome Hustler then places the contract on Jade's back, using her as a makeshift leaning post as he happily signs on the dotted line. Mackenzie and Simon don't seem to be too impressed with Ned's decision, but Ned certainly does, as he hands the contract back to J.Math. BLANCHARD You young lady have got yourself a deal. Seven days and you're all mine. And by my calculations, that leaves us with thirteen lucky, lucky days to celebrate our new arrangement you lucky, lucky girl. Thirteen days and thirteen nights, alone in the wilderness of my plush duvet. And once those legs open, you're not gonna want to close them ever again! Everyone suddenly feels the urge to vomit, aside of course from Ned who for some reason assumes that sentence would in some way be alluring. BLANCHARD Now, you go back to the hotel and get my bath water ready. I've got some Lumberjacks to find.

[i]Zack takes it right on the chin and nearly falls from the roof, catching himself with one hand before spilling down to the canvas below! Malibu looks down, seeing that it's a bit of a drop from the roof to the mat. Crystal swings herself on the roof of the cage, gaining momentum before swinging up and wrapping her legs around Zack's head... ...AND HITTING A HURACANRANA THAT PULLS HIM FROM THE ROOF DOWN TO THE CANVAS~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COACH YOOOOOO~! The crowd roars as Zack and Crystal land...but Crystal tucks and rolls backwards just as she crashes...AND COMES UP WITH MALIBU'S LEGS IN HER ARMS~! THE CRYSTALLING IS LOCKED ON~!!!!!!!!! COLE LOOK AT THIS! THIS MUST HAVE BEEN HER PLAN ALL ALONG! CABOOSE SHE SUCKERED HIM IN! HE COULD HAVE DIED FROM THAT FALL! COACH He went up there! Who was the su...[/i] "Leon!" Glancing away from his T.V monitor, The Silky Smooth One himself (being the only person on the roster called Leon) looks up from his seat to find those teenage heartthrobs D*LUX entering his locker room, dressed to kill. Or compete. Hopefully they won't kill, OAOAST insurance is pretty weak. Leaving his video going, Leon shuffles around to face his partner for tonight. TYLER We've been looking for you everywhere. C'mon man, it's go time. LEON One moment, 'my cru'. If you were looking 'everywhere for me', why didn't you start outside the locker room with the big gold star that says 'Leon Rodez' on it? TYLER We did but you weren't here. LEON Ah...coffee break. SHAYNE What are you doing anyway? [i]CABOOSE Well he's not here to play poker with us, you twit! What do you THINK he's trying to do!? COACH He can't get in though, Mikey! He can't help Zack! Hoff starts shaking the wall of the cage desperately, but the fans pop like never before as Leon Rodez, The Global Party Exchange, and The Blurricane charge down the ramp and pigpile on Hoff, beating the former 24/7 Champion up the ramp and back to the dressing room! Hoff, weary from his earlier brawl, tries to fight back, but is driven back to the dressing room thanks to the four on one odds, as Crystal struggles to keep Zack down! Hoff is sent back behind the curtain, and the four babyfaces stand atop the ramp, making sure nobody tries anything, watching on as the action unfolds down in the ring.[/i] TYLER We get that Crystal took your belt bud, but can you not do your scouting some other time? LEON My wha...oh, [i]scouting[/i]! Yeah. That's...that's exactly what I was doing. Sure. Sounding far too unconvincing, Leon grabs the remote from beside his feet and pauses the tape as he attempts to change the subject. LEON So, me tagging with you guys, huh? It's funny because I always wanted to be in a boyband. Well, until I hit puberty at least, then my priorities changed a bit you know. But until then it was a dream. Of course, back then it was still a popular dream. I admire you guys though, living your dreams no matter how out of date they may be. SHAYNE Are you ready or what? LEON Woah woah, what's with the attitude? I thought you boyband guys were supposed to be laid back, mellow, nicer than nice. SHAYNE Yeah well, not tonight. TYLER You realise that Jade's going to be at ringside tonight. In Ned's corner. ... LEON Yeah. Of course. The upbeat body language that usually comes from Leon slowly fades, as he runs a hand over his head. LEON Listen, I know you two guys feel bad but Jade's tough. She'll be able to deal with it, so I know that that "Slaveheart" video deal was pretty embarrassing... SHAYNE Pretty embarrassing!? Did you see what they did!? LEON No. I tried but...no. I heard though. All week. And for what I've heard, Ned'll get what's coming to him. But what I'm trying to say is there's no point in us going out there and losing our cool over it, because that's exactly what Ned's counting on. They tried it on me before. You've got to trust Jade and just concentrate on wrestling. Bludgeoning Blanchard's brains out is a tempting idea but it's not going to get Jade out of this contract and it won't get you the HI-YAH Tag Titles back. TYLER We know. LEON Good. Just follow my lead and we'll be fine. Now, give me a minute and I'll be right with you guys. Fist pumps all round, Shayne and Tyler leave the locker room. And once he's sure they're gone, the first thing Leon does is of course grab the remote. [i]"Zack? Come on Zack, do you give or not!?" "I.....I....can....Nnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaargh...I...Unnnnnnnh..." "Zack? ZACK?" Crystal pulls back, letting out another war cry, overexerting herself simply to try and further hurt the man who betrayed their friendship and tortured her for the past four months. "ZACK?" "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH....I.....I....." "I SURRENDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *SUPERDUPERMEGAPOPOFTHECENTURY~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* *DING*DING*DING* Hebner taps Crystal on the shoulder, and she collapses, falling forward as she lets go of The Crystalling. The London crowd reaches a fever pitch as she slowly stands up, lifting her head to see the fans calling for her and pointing to Earl Hebner, who stands behind her. She turns, and Earl Hebner takes her wrist and raises her arm up, drawing a huge crowd pop again, and a sigh of relief from the Female Phenom! Michael Buffer stands up, and his normally bombastic voice is nearly drowned out by the joyous crowd as he makes the official announcement. "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR WINNER....AND THE NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION....CRRRRRRRRRRYSSSSSSSSSSSSTALLLLLLLL!" COACH MIKEY COLE, SHE DID IT! COLE CRYSTAL! CRYSTAL IS THE NEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION![/i] Smiling broadly, Leon finally stops the tape and follows as we fade back to ringside.

CABOOSE I get the feeling Leon's becoming obsessed with Crystal. And not just teenage fanboy obsessed either, more Jonathon Coachman obsessed. COACH What's the big deal? So he was watching a tape of Crystal winning the World Title? So what, I do that all the time. CABOOSE Like I say, Jonathon Coachman obsessed. COLE Leon has his 'issues' with Crystal but tonight he has to put those aside, because we're set for Six Man Tag Team action and this all centres around another of the OAOAST's female attractions, Jade Rodez. It was 11 days ago at School's Out live on Pay Per View that Jade and her team D*LUX were beaten by The Beverly Hills Blonds and Mackenzie DeCenzo. Due to the stipulation on that match, poor Jade has had to become Ned Blanchard's...'slave'. And we of course all saw last week that downright disgusting footage that The Blonds recorded and had the audacity to air in front of a worldwide audience. Well tonight Ned and Simon might have a few consquences to pay for their depravity, not just from D*LUX but from Jade's brother Leon. COACH Yeah, but he still gets to go home tonight with Jade and the HI-YAH Tag Title. Simon too. You think they care it they get a few bumps and bruises tonight? Ned can just get Jade to rub some ointme... COLE Don't give him ideas, for the love of God! COACH And besides that, they've got big Gunner on their side. Consequences, schmonsequences, says I. "Call Me" by Blondie hits, prompting a group of backstage hands to come flying out from the back, dragging a lavish red carpet with them. And soon to grace the carpet is Mackenzie DeCenzo, clapboard in hand, heralding the arrival of the HI-YAH Tag Champs. Stood at either side of Mackenzie, Ned sneers out at the crowd in his typically lurid way while Simon makes a handscreen around his HI-YAH Title. The trio then part, allowing Jade Rodez to follow out. Looking understandably like she'd rather be someone else, the bedraggled Rodez sibling lugs Mackenzie's director's chair down the ramp like the good little slave she has become. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this six man tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing team number one...first, hailing from Beverly Hills, California. Led to the ring by their Business Consultant MACKENZIE DECENZO... and, "the Slave you all Crave" JADE RODEZ. They weigh in at a total combined weight of four hundred, sixty pounds. The HI-YAH WORLD Tag Team Champions... SIMON SINGLETON and "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOONNDDSSSSSSSSS!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH The Slave you all Crave, I love it! COLE How long did it take Ned to think that up? Probably all night while he couldn't do what he really wants to do with poor Jade. COACH Oh poor Jade, boo hoo. Quit whining. She'd love it and so would you. Jade sets the director's chair up at the first post she comes to and tries to walk off around the ring. However, Ned has other ideas, jogging down the ramp and dragging her back by the arm. Finger wagging, Ned points to the floor. Jade again tries to get away, but a contract's a contract and a slave's a slave, meaning Jade has no choice but to drop to all fours by the apron, providing a makeshift step for Ned to climb up to the apron with. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE That is repulsive...just repulsive! Who the hell does he think he is!?! CABOOSE Jimmy Rave? Simon follows his partner up the human step, the Champs entering the ring while Mackenzie decides she'll enter too, just for the fun of it. And to dig her sharp high-heel into Jade's back on her way up, causing her to yelp out in pain. Mackie pays it no heed as she's helped in by Ned and Simon, the Blonds and Mackenzie posing in centre ring while Jade pulls herself up clutching her back on the floor. "FUCK YOU NED!" "FUCK YOU NED!" "FUCK YOU NED!" COACH Can somebody bleep that out please? We do have standards around here you know. COLE Oh, we have standards when Ned's getting yelled at, but using a poor young girl as a step is a-okay? COACH There we go with the 'poor' stuff again. Either you know something about her upbringing that we don't or you're just a pansy. "Vicarious" by Tool (and to name a band Tool, you have to be one) hits next and Gunner Sharps storms through the HeldDOWN~! entrance doors. Luckily, Jade isn't required to help this monster into the ring, as he strides down the aisle and up the ring steps. BUFFER And, their tag team partner. Standing 7 feet tall and weighing in at three hundred and seventy five pounds. He hails from Detroit, Michigan... GGUUUUUUUNNEEEEEEERRRRRRRR... SSHHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRRPPSSSSSSSS!!!. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Luckily, Jade isn't required to help this monster into the ring, as he strides down the aisle and up the ring steps. Climbing in over the top, Gunner pulls away his facemask and is patted on the back by his partners as he turns back to the entrance, growling away like the monster he is. Mackenzie has now left the ring and takes her seat in the director's chair, with Jade crouched unbecomingly beside the chair, almost like a dog. *GOOOOONG!* "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" "C'mon man" "DON'T CALL IT A COMEBACK..." Jade is the first to her feet as "Mama Said Knock You Out" hits and although she is soon forced to kneel back down, the crowd around her stand freely and cheer wildly for "The Silky Smooth One" as he jigs out from the back, backed up by both Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant. Neither member of D*LUX plays to the crowd as usual, instead glaring down at Ned and Simon, who smugly dare them all on. BUFFER And, introducing their opponents. At a total combined weight of six hundred and seventeen pounds. The team consisting of "TREMENDOUS" TYLER BRYANT and "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE BRAVE... D*LLLLLUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!! And, their tag team partner. Hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLEEEEEOOOOOOOONN RRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" With the introductions over, Brave and Bryant suddenly peel away and sprint towards the ring, sliding right into an ambush by The Beverly Hills Blonds! Lagging behind, Leon slides in to attempt the save, but Gunner is waiting with a boot to the side of the head, meaning Leon doesn't even make it to his feet! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And we're underway in a hurry, D*LUX and Leon Rodez unable to wait to get their hands on Ned Blanchard! It's Blanchard who has his hands on them though, by way of fists to the head of Tyler Bryant. Singleton deals with Shayne Brave while Gunner pulls Leon to his feet, pitching him up and over the top...to the apron. Hanging onto the top rope, Leon avoids a Lillian Garcia like spill to the floor and lands safely on the apron. Gunner takes a moment to notice but when he does he charges in, only for Leon to lowbridge the top rope and send Gunner toppling over the top and to the floor! That allows Leon to re-enter the ring and now pull Singleton off of Shayne, dropping him with a right hand. Next to get it is Ned, pulled around and dropped down just as his partner was, to the quiet delight of Jade on the floor. And now Leon is cooking, spotting Simon Singleton charging in and ducking his head, near enough to the ropes to backdrop Simon over the top...AND RIGHT ON TOP OF GUNNER!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Two for the price of one...and now, Ned Blanchard's gonna get his! COACH Oh no! Pulling himself up slowly, Ned dusts himself off unaware of what's awaiting him. Screams of "CUT!" from Mackenzie fall on deaf ears as Ned finally lifts his head...to find himself surrounded. Shayne, Tyler and Leon have circled The Handsome Hustler and there's nowhere for Ned to run as he tries to beg off, but is denied by a right hand by Shayne! Right hand by Tyler! Right hand by Leon! Right by Shayne! Right by Tyler! Right by Leon and Ned goes down, trying to roll to the safety of the outside. D*LUX aren't going to let him go anywhere though and grab a leg each to stop Ned from crawling away, then drag him back to his feet and send him off the ropes. Back shoots Ned, into the arms of D*LUX who press him into the air, then split, allowing Ned to plummet back down... *SMACK!* ...AND GET BOOTED BETWEEN THE LEGS IN MID-AIR BY LEON! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE YEAH! That outta cool Ned off a little! COACH Oh no, right in the Golden Globes! Weeping in pain Blanchard finally manages to roll away from danger, but Shayne is close behind him and follows him to the outside giving chase. Meanwhile, Gunner has rolled back into the ring and blindsights Leon and Tyler with a double clothesline, sending both rolling out to the floor. Shayne continues to chase Ned regardless, rounding the ring as Ned slides back in and begs off again. That trick isn't going to work on Brave. Or, so it seems, until Simon Singleton sneaks into the ring and clotheslines Shayne down from behind! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Ned quickly rolls back out and demands that Jade tend to his 'injury' while referee Billy Silverman finally has control and deems Simon and Shayne the legal men by counting Simon's pin attempt... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Well, it looks like we've finally got some control here. Singleton and Shayne Brave in to start and look at Singleton go to work! Singleton pops back up and puts the boots to Shayne before turning to his corner, to find no partners as Ned is still concerned with his testicles and Gunner is out of position. So Simon hauls Shayne up and sends him off the ropes. As he comes back, "Showtime" Shayne tries to go through the legs with a baseball slide. But Simon stomps down on his way through, slamming the sole of his boot into the back of the teeny bopper's head and putting an abrupt end to his slide. Stepping off to the side, Simon then follows up with an elbow, following that up with a legdrop. Staying sat, the perrenial second man of the Beverly Hills Blonds/NNMX takes centre stage now as he waits for a little hush in the 'studio'. SINGLETON TAKE TWO! *BAM!* Simon lifts the leg and slams it across the back of the head, clapboard style. COLE We saw this at School's Out... SINGLETON TAKE THREE! *BAM!* And again! COLE ...and it was ridiculous then too. Rolling backwards and to his feet, Singleton backs off the ropes and strolls back, measuring Shayne as he leaps up with a Standing Frog Splash, right across the lower back! Shayne groans in pain, as he's then turned over and covered... 1... 2... Kickout! Picking Shayne back up, Simon now has his two partners on the apron but declines to utilise them, instead hooking "Showtime" and taking him over with a textbook suplex. Hanging onto the head, Simon floats through and brings up Shayne with him, re-positioning himself behind the boyband sensation and dragging him down across a knee with a modified backbreaker. MACKENZIE BRAVO! BRAVO! With Shayne still draped over his knee, Simon strikes a few red carpet poses for any paparazzo that might be in attendance before helping Shayne upright, applying a front facelock. Taking his sweet time over the next move proves a mistake though as it allows Shayne to fire back. Firing punches into the ribs with his free hand, Shayne weakens up the Blond and spins out of the facelock, coming out to arms length and looking for a short arm clothesline. Simon manages to duck over and spin into a waistlock, chained into a full nelson. But Shayne slams his arms down to break the hold, drops to a seated position and snares Singleton over into a rollup... 1... 2... Simon kicks out... ...but Shayne rolls through and makes the tag to Leon Rodez! Unaware of the tag, Singleton is to say the least shocked as he sees The Silky Smooth One barrelling towards him with a clothesline and isn't able to duck the arm before it clubs him down. Back up pops Singleton, into a second clothesline. And then a third. Staggering around, the disorientated second wheel of the Beverly Hills Blonds stretches out a hand for the tag but wanders just short of his partners, back around into Leon who looks to slow the pace back down with a simple arm wringer. Leon then reaches out and tags in Tyler, giving the arm another tug while Tyler scales the buckles, coming off the top with an equally simple double axehandle. Tyler takes the lead from his experienced partner and wrings out the arm, with a vengeful look towards Ned. COACH Why does nobody do things IN ANGER~! anymore? I miss that. Dropping to a knee, Simon tries to lower his base and find an escape route, but Tyler wrenches the arm again to bring him back up and makes the exchange with Shayne. Despite still favouring his back, Shayne goes up top and comes down with the elbow on the arm, then barring the arm back up to keep Singleton at bay. COLE Great teamwork from the trio of D*LUX and Leon here and it seems Leon's calming influence is being taken to heart by Shayne and Tyler, who came in fired up which didn't do them much good. COACH They're not going to beat Simon with an arm wringer though, are they? COLE They're wearing him down, Coach. COACH They're wearing my patience down. With the arm still barred up Shayne extends a leg out, allowing Leon to tag back in. Grabbing the waistband of his shorts and twirling his finger to the sky, it's Leon's turn to go up, coming off the top and snapping Simon's arm like a Slim Jim, Dig It~!, as he drops another double axehandle across the shoulder! By now Simon's arm is beginning to hang a little loose and Leon goes right back to it, wringing the arm...but leaving himself open for a thumb to the eyes by the apparantly no longer Sarcastic Mr. Singleton! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As Leon tries desperatly to rub some sight back into his stinging eyes, Simon quickly takes a detour and scampers to his corner, making the tag to the 7 footer, Gunner Sharps. COLE And now the whole face of this match changes, as in steps big Gunner! CABOOSE And you know he's got to be pissed about getting beat at School's Out. Gunner climbs in over the top and measuring the standing target across the ring he charges, looking to wipe out the blinded Rodez with a clothesline. However, Leon isn't quite as blinded as he makes out and manages to swipe Gunner's legs out in mid-charge, drop toeholding Gunner to land throat first across the middle rope! The bigman sprawls out on the ropes, Ned and Simon looking on despairingly as Rodez does THE JIG~! before hitting the ropes, shooting back and driving the weight into the spine! COLE Call That Bitch Bojangles! If Gunner wasn't angry before, he is now. As Gunner claws himself up off the ropes, Leon backtracks and lets Tyler Bryant try his hand against the bigman. And despite a one hundred seventy pound weight difference, Tyler eagerly enters the ring and hits the ropes in front of Gunner, firing off a dropkick. Gunner goes back barely more than a step, unaffected by the boybander. Tyler tries again and this time Gunner takes another step back and taking this as progress, Tyler quickly makes the tag to Shayne, who rushes down the apron. Leaping to the top, "Showtime" Shayne then springboards in with his own dropkick, but that still doesn't put the bigman down leaving D*LUX looking a little confused as to what to try next. Coming together, the two quickly decide they need to stay on Gunner while they've got him rocking and both rush off the ropes, looking for stereo clothesline on the monster...CAUGHT! Gunner grabs both boybanders by their throats, setting for a double Chokeslam. Leon senses the danger early however and quickly scampers up the ropes, prompting The Beverly Hills Blonds to try and come in to stop him. Referee Silverman is naturally drawn over to the proven rule breakers, allowing Leon free reign to tumble off the top with a Blockbuster neckbreaker to finally take Gunner down! COLE He calls that Slam Dunk The Funk...and, I'm afraid I don't get it. But an impressive move nonetheless. Leon re-exits the ring and with Silverman still fielding protests from The Blonds Tyler and Shayne double up, "Showtime" Shayne hitting the ropes and "Tremendous" Tyler backdropping his partner across Gunner's chest. Out goes Tyler, as Silverman comes back over to count the pin... 1... 2... AUTHORATIVE kickout by Gunner, pressing the 188 pounds Shayne over Silverman's head and across the ring! COLE Wow! Incredible strength by Gunner! CABOOSE And they've left the smallest man in the ring in with the biggest, not a very smart move from D*LUX and Rodez. Scrambling to his feet Shayne realises he's outmatched and tries to get back to his corner to make the tag. Problem is, there's a seven foot Michigan monster standing in his way. Throwing out an arm, Gunner catches Shayne at the side and tosses him back one-handed into the Beverly Hills corner, before charging in and avalanching "Showtime"! Unbeknownest to the referee, Ned grabs hold of Shayne's white denim jeans waistband, keeping him pinned in the corner as Gunner charges again and crushes him against the buckles a second time! Gunner is slapped on the shoulder by Simon for a tag as he backs out of the corner looking for a third charge. However, referee Silverman is soon alerted by Ned's hand in the triple team by super snitch Jade Rodez, earning Team Blond + 1 a warning. And earning Jade some chastisment from both Blanchard and Mackenzie DeCenzo. "JADE!" "JADE!" "JADE!" "JADE!" Meanwhile, Simon has taken over from Gunner and pulls Shayne into the centre of the ring, landing a spinning savate kick to the midsection that doubles his opponent over. Hitting the ropes, Singleton then follows up with a Swinging Neckbreaker and makes the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Straight away, Simon tags out to Ned, pinning down Shayne's legs as The Handsome Hustler steps into the ring and measures the boyband superstar for a driven elbow into the sternum. Ned pops back up for a second elbow. And a third, all in quick succession. Ned then proves just how shallow he is by looking right past his manageress and his slave, into the third row where a 'lucky' woman in the third row gets a kissy face from Blanchard. COACH What a man. Even in the middle of the match, Ned still has time for his adoring fanbase. COLE Puhlease. Rolling Shayne back up to his feet, Ned backs up to the ropes and whips him across the ring, catching him on the rebound with a kitchen sink knee, buried in the gut. Shayne goes down to his knees, only to be pulled back upright for a Side Russian Legsweep by Blanchard, chained straight into a pin... 1... 2... Kickout! Blanchard takes brief issue with the count with referee Silverman, before noticing Singleton wanting back in and giving his partner the tag. Together The Blonds set "Showtime" up and deliver a double irish whip, landing double bionic elbows upon Shayne's return. A little flip-flop and fly later and Simon drops tha big elbow if you [i]weeeell[/i], demanding the count... 1... 2... Another kickout! CABOOSE Well, that was a little dumb. Singleton doesn't have nearly enough weight behind an elbow drop to win a match with it, even with nostalgia on his side. Pensive looks have taken over in Team D*LUX's corner as Singleton now wraps on a bodyscissors with the legs, going back to the ribs that have been worked on most of the match. At a loss of what to do, aside from come into the ring and do more damage, Rodez decides on a little fan interaction, slapping the turnbuckles in rhythmically. "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" Jade tries to fuel the chant on her side of the ring but Mackenzie and Ned put a stop to that, if not the chant. Feeding off the energy Shayne tries to fight the hold and shuffles around into a seated position. Shayne then starts to try and prise Simon's legs apart to break the hold, which is stopped by a couple of forearms between the shoulder blades. Crawling backwards with the scissors still on, Simon then tags in Ned who comes in able to pick his spots. "1!" "2!" "3!" A measured Blanchard boot slams into the chest of the helpless Shayne... "4!" ...giving Singleton time to break the hold and slide from the ring before the count of five he needs to get out legally. Ned decides not to pick up where his partner left off and instead brings Shayne back up, grabbing the arm and whipping Shayne across the ring and HARD into a neutral corner! The force brings Shayne stumbling out and into Ned's arms, for another whip into the opposite neutral corner. BLANCHARD THIS ONE'S FOR YOU BABY! ...announces Ned to Jade, earning a look of disgust from his slave, as he charges in...AND MISSES! Shayne avoids the corner splash and Ned ends up running himself into the turnbuckles! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE There's a miscue by Ned, who's wandering eye has gotten him in trouble and not for the first time. COACH Jade distracted Ned! You can't tell me that's fair. COLE And you can't tell me it's fair that...well, that any of Ned's treatment towards Jade is 'fair'. "SHAYNE!" "SHAYNE!" "SHAYNE!" "SHAYNE!" Crawling towards his corner, Shayne looks to make the tag while Ned still lays slumped in the corner gasping for breath. COACH It's just a good job he didn't make her wear that schoolgirl outfit from the Slaveheart video, then he'd really be distracted. CABOOSE I don't remember a schoolgirl outfit in Slaveheart. COACH Special Director's Cut. Ned finally comes back to his senses and peels himself off the turnbuckles stumbling around to find Shayne closing in on his corner. A despairing dive from Ned sees him lunge for the ankles. And he manages to grab Shayne, holding him back... ...only momentarily, as Shayne hops up onto one foot and lunges with the TAG to Leon Rodez!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" In comes Leon, to the despair of Ned who tries the ol' begging off trick again, despite the fact it hasn't worked for him yet. Singleton comes rushing in to provide a save but Leon cuts him off, and suddenly He's Got The Fire Down Below with the inverted atomic drop! Off hops Singleton as Gunner now tries to save, ending up being cut off by a dropkick before he can even get fully in the ring. Now Ned tries an ambush. But he gets caught, right hand blocked and retaliated! Rodez keeps coming with the right hands backing Ned up into a corner as Tyler Bryant rushes in, unloading on Singleton with right hands as well. With The Blonds backed into opposite corners, Leon and Tyler give each other the signal before whipping them out, into a collision in centre ring! Away stagger The Blonds, Simon eventually collapsing backwards as Ned gets dropkicked in the back...but he doesn't go down. So Leon says to hell with it and rushes in with a facecrusher, BRINGING NED'S HEAD DOWN INTO SIMON'S NETHER REGIONS!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH NO! That should be a disqualification! Just because Leon's into shoving people into other people's crotches doesn't mean he should be allowed to force the Blonds to join his...his...sex festivals! COLE Sex festivals? CABOOSE He's getting hysterical. Shall I slap him or you? Simon rolls quivering from the ring holding his...well, you know...as Leon brings Ned back up, backing him into a corner. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" That's a chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" So's that. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" That too. Resisting the urge to strut out of the corner Leon then whips Ned out from the buckles, over towards Tyler who's waiting to execute a backbody drop on The Handsome Hustler! Celebrating their good teamwork, Leon and Tyler slap hands, Leon then inexplicably breaking into a dance routine in an attempt to fit in with his boyband buddy. Unimpressed, "Tremendous" Tyler leaves and goes after Ned...but leaves Rodez open, as Gunner Sharps manages to sneak his 7 foot frame into the ring unnoticed by The Silky Smooth One, clubbing him down from behind with a clothesline! COLE Man, Gunner completely blindsighted Leon. And just as he was about to break into the Running Man too. By the throat Gunner lifts Leon back up, signalling that it's all over before hauling Rodez up and DRILLING him with a Chokeslam! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Oh, it's over! COLE But Gunner isn't the legal man, Ned is and he's busy trying to fend off Tyler Bryant out here on the floor. Gunner doesn't realise this until his attempted pin isn't counted by referee Silverman though. And despite Mackenzie's attempts to convince Silverman that Gunner is Ned's "stunt pinner", the referee refuses to count the fall, forcing Gunner into action. Reaching out of the ring the bigman grabs Tyler by the hair to stop him wailing away on Ned, long enough for the Handsome Hustler to drive his knee into the gut and throw Tyler face-first into the steel barricade! Gunner then helps Ned into the ring and motions for him to make the pin. COACH Here we go, now it's over! Strolling over, Ned decides to put his own finishing touches on the match, leaping over Leon with an elbow drop before making his pin... 1... FEET ON THE ROPES! 2... BUT JADE PULLS NED'S FEET OFF THE ROPES... ...AND DRAGS HIM CLEAN OUT OF THE RING!! "YYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE YEAH! YEAH, YOU GO GIRL! CABOOSE This can't end well. Ned is, to say the least, shocked by this show of disloyalty from his slave and Mackenzie is equally outraged, standing from her director's chair to scream her displeasure at Jade. At Jade meaning right down her ear. The 18 year old understandably backs down, meekly shielding herself from Ned who's yelling at the top of his voice, finger pressed right up against Jade's shielding hand. "JADE!" "JADE!" "JADE!" "JADE!" Meanwhile, in the ring, Gunner doesn't wait around to deal with these histrionics and pulls Leon back up. Leon fights back however, headbutting Gunner in the gut on his way up before taking it to the seven footer with some right hands! A flurry of shots land and eventually Gunner is on the backfoot, retreating towards the centre of the ring as Rodez continues to throw the rights. A big one leaves Gunner staggering, Leon following up with a clothesline. Gunner stays up, but the bigman is clearly unsteady on his feet, so Leon backs off the ropes and comes chargi...NO! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Rodez falls flat on his face, his leg tripped from underneath him by...well, by Rodez. Jade Rodez. COACH :D COLE Oh my...did Jade mean to do that? COACH Of course she meant to do it! She's a slave and slaves do what's good for their masters! Looking utterly ashamed of herself, Jade hangs her head and looks away from the ring, having placated Ned and Mackenzie at least as they happily back off. Stumbling up in the ring, Leon turns to see what the hell just happened. But he soon remembers he's not alone in the ring, turning around...INTO A MOTHERFUCKING IMPACT SPEAR!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE GOD HE TORE HIM IN HALF!!! Sliding back into the ring, Ned calls Gunner off. The bigman backs off under orders as Ned then begins to try and hoist Leon's deadweight back off the mat and up to his feet. Still unable to watch, Jade shields her entire head, eyes and ears, not wanting to know what's happening as Ned finally gets Leon up. On goes a front facelock and up goes Leon, down across the top rope before bouncing back courtesy of a patented Ned Blanchard Slingshot Suplex! Gunner keeps watch, as Ned wraps Leon up, legs hooked, head cradled... 1... 2... 3!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Damnit! That stinks! Rolling straight from the ring, Ned smiles his smug smile as Mackenzie rises from her chair again to applaud The Handsome Hustler. D*LUX roll in moments too late, as Ned scampers to safety with Gunner as a shield, smiling away as Jade Rodez is already halfway up the aisle skulking away sadly. BUFFER Your winners of the match...the team of GUNNER SHARPS and the HI-YAH World Tag Team Champions, THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS!!! Ned is greeted by Simon and the two HI-YAH Tag Titles, which The Blonds proudly hoist over their heads for D*LUX to see. Seething from the ring, Tyler and Shayne tend to Leon with eyes fixed on the rampway, as Ned thanks Gunner for a job well done, while Mackenzie pats Simon on the back, despite the fact he wasn't involved in the finish whatsoever. COLE And look at how pleased with himself Ned Blanchard is. COACH Of course he's pleased with himself! He just pinned a former 2 time 24/7 Champion, a former X Division Champion, one of the so called future stars of this company. Ned pinned him, one two three. And now he gets to go home to a made bed, a well cooked meal and a well scrubbed kitchen floor. COLE That's repulsive! How can you act so smug? Ned Blanchard just forced Jade into costing her own brother a match! CABOOSE Poor Jade. ... CABOOSE What? I wanted to get to say something for a change. COLE Let's go to something else, get my mind off of this situation.

Harvey Wippleman and no, not that I can recall.