King Cucaracha

Let alone a battle royal where she'd have to take a bump from the ring or win it. Hopefully Sunny'll be involved. From a historical perspective she's one of the most important people they could get, behind maybe Sable and Chyna. And she's got to be on better terms than those two. Infact, weren't there rumours a year or two ago about them re-signing her, before she was in ROH?

Definitely Not Hot Young Wang Region 1. Goldengreek 8. Xavier Cromartie 4. KOAB 5. theone 3. YKRG 6. Jerichoholic82 2. TaigaStar 7. NoCal Mike Most Likely Homosexual Region 1. Cabbageboy 8. JN News 4. pbone 5. EricMM 3. AmDragFan 6. Twisted Intestine 2. bob_barron 7. Milky BUTT Fuck Stupid Region 1. RoHo 8. HarleyQuinn 4. Chazz 5. Matt Young 3. Jingus 6. Czech 2. Marvin 7. DarKnight The "I Tried to Save Good Matchups Until the End and Now I Have a Fuck Load of Them" Region 1. EHME 8. Cartman 4. Gary Floyd 5. Porter 3. Y2Jerk 6. Lord of the Curry 2. Enigma 7. CWM

US Title Unofficial #1 Contendership- Winner faces Todd Cortez at AngleMania James Blonde vs. Nathaniel Black Plus, Leon Rodez vs. somebody.

Anyway, I'm going to make up my missed pick. I could do with a few cruiserweighty kind of wrestlers, even if I don't end up with a full division. And this guy's not going to last much longer. One of the best pound for pound wrestlers in the world, capable of playing it straight or being a valuable comedy act. So if I end up with my expected comedy midcard, he'll fit right in there too. Former ROH World Champion, WWE Cruiserweight Champion, probably some other stuff I've forgotten... JAMIE NOBLE boy!

If I was Cucaracha, I'd be having a fit right about now. Nah, I didn't have Reed on my radar honestly. Simmons is going to be a singles babyface, since I've got Florida as a territory. Wait, someone picked Jack Swagger already? Holy shit. Talk about a guy who could have waited another... 20 rounds. Anyway, I PMed Mellow but I must have missed a message telling me not to. OR THERE WAS NO MESSAGE. Either way, no bitterness. Only peace and love. Except for Twisted Intestine. Go out and get laid or something, leave the rest of us to obsessively stalk each other to see where we're up to. Do it for us!

FWIW, I'm not sure if I'll be around long enough at the weekend to actually get the show posted, so I'd expect a Monday posting, which is about normal to get everything marked. If you don't see me around, don't panic. Flattered by the attention as I would be.

I loved the ODB segment. Mainly for one reason. The random guy with the drum who's only purpose was to perform a rimshot after ODB made a deez nuts joke... was there any introduction or explanation of him in the past that I missed? I sure hope not. They should stick him in a different segment every week. No explanation neccessary.

Okay, now I'm really pissed.

Basic salary, fuck all, aside from personal satisfaction at having done me a favour. I'm not 100% sure on whether Toxxic'll be back in time to mark. So, any volunteers for marking the Bruner/Thoth-Me/Taiga match?

Crap, so you did. I've really been off form this week, huh? In that case JST can mark the tag match, Spike you can handle Va'aiga/MANSON. Problem solved. Thanks.

Enthusiasm like that will not go unrewarded!

1. The Beautiful People vs. Taylor Wilde/Roxxi/The Governor BONUS (1pt): Who gets pinned? Velvet Sky BONUS (1pt): Who scores the pin? Taylor Wilde 2. Samoa Joe vs. Scott Steiner 3. Booker T (TNA Legends Champion) vs. AJ Styles BONUS (1pt): Will the title be on the line? No 4. Match of 10,000 Tacks: Matt Morgan vs. Abyss 5. TNA Knockouts Title: Sojourner Bolt vs. Awesome Kong© 6. TNA X Division Title Ultimate X Match: Suicide vs. Consequences Creed vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley© vs. Chris Sabin 7. TNA World Tag Team Title: Beer Money Inc. vs. Team 3D BONUS (1pt): Who gets pinned? D-Von BONUS (1pt): Who scores the pin? Roode 8. TNA World Title with special referee Jeff Jarrett and special enforcer Mick Foley: Kurt Angle vs. Sting

Man, I had Orton and Tajiri as my next two picks. And I almost took Hayes last pick. Man.

Do you have anything to offer the board at this point? Besides, Cheech, you know I love you is not, nor has it ever been funny. If you want to talk shit to me, come up with something creative. Yes. Friday and Saturday nights, when I pick up my daughter, or drop my brother off at school. Infact, the only time I'm on her is when I watch my daughter at my house which is during the week for the most part. Ain't much else to do then surf the web when I'm online. And I'll keep calling you Cheech, you know I love you, because your name is dumb. How did everyone else miss this gem? I wanted to quote it, but by then he'd stopped posting and I didn't want to rattle the nest while the bees were quiet, as it were. Because bees are fucking irritating, you know? But yeah, typos are awesome.

More often than not, I put everything off until the day of the show, or maybe two days before. Always have done. Schoolwork, SWF, OAOAST. I occassionally get on a run of a few weeks where I'm done with plenty of time to spare, but in general I leave it later than I need to. Once I actually get myself sat down to write I can churn my stuff out real quick. But starting early, I always, always get distracted.

We're back inside the Cucaracha Internacional locker room, which is a little more densely populated than it was last time. Still in his chair like a grumpy father is Nathaniel Black, still reading the book he had earlier, leading us surely to wonder if this book is somehow buying advertising time to have been seen on camera twice. Also in the room is Landon Maddix, looking slightly irritated as well. The source of their collective irritation is James Blonde, whining like a little boy who's been told he's not getting the toy he wants for Christmas after all. My advice- a good, firm slap. Gotta teach these kids the way of the world early! BLONDE But you said you'd think about it! MADDIX I did. BLONDE And it's STILL a no? MADDIX Afraid so. Why can't you just go after the Heartland Title, or the World Title, or the... uh... is the X-Division Title still about? What's the one where you could win it and then rename it whatever you want? ...can't you just be satisfied with the 6-Man Title? BLONDE That's not the point though. BLACK (looks up from his book) I swear, this kid's workin' my last nerve. MADDIX I'm dealing with it honey... uh, uhm, Nathaniel! Taking the parentage thing a bit too seriously unconsciously, Landon himself seems surprised at the slip of the tongue. Not as surprised as Nathaniel though. Blonde sighs, getting ready to protest again. Not wanting to hear anymore Landon holds a hand up to stop him. MADDIX Look, James, I keep telling you, it's not in our best interests to be having you and Todd fight. He's in now. That's the end of it. Blonde bites his lip. He knows he probably shouldn't press it. But he's got a trump card. BLONDE What if I told you it [i]was[/i] in our best interests? MADDIX Well, I'd probably call your bluff and demand to hear your idea out of morbid curiousity. BLONDE In that case, prepare to be morbid, I guess. BLACK Already way ahead of you. BLONDE Look at it in a different way. Think about this... it's AngleMania, biggest show of the year. United States Title on the line. Todd Cortez defending for Cucaracha Internacional, steps in the ring with some random OAOAST wrestler with nothing better to do with his time. Random wrestler pins Todd, wins title, Cucaracha Internacional lose on the big stage. [i]Or[/i], Todd Cortez takes on fellow Cucaracha Internacional member. The spotlight shines on us and us alone. We exhibit out competitive ability to the world. Title stays in with us, Cucaracha Internacional win on the big stage. What's going to grab people's attention in a way we want to grab it, Todd Cortez versus opponent, or Cucaracha Internacional versus Cucaracha Internacional? Why should only one of us get the glory? Seeming to be thinking about it Landon scratches his chin. MADDIX Okay. You might just have a point. (looks over James' shoulder) What do you think? CORTEZ Sounds good to me. Eyes widening James whips around, only now realising that the US Champion has walked in mid-speech and caught him red-handed. He laughs nervously as Cortez steps around next to Landon. MADDIX So you'd be okay with this Todd? And, I stress, as a fair and friendly competition only. CORTEZ What can I say, James really sold it to me. Cucaracha Internacional's best going at it. MADDIX Well, second best. CORTEZ Oh, of course. Second best and third best. Your two top prospects. And AngleMania will sort out pecking order. What better way of representing Cucaracha Internacional than that? BLONDE (relaxing) Yeah... exactly. MADDIX Okay then, that's that settled. We'll get contracts drawn up and... Suddenly, having been peering at all of this from other the top of his book, Nathaniel Black has had enough and stands up, making enough of a scene to get everybody's attention. Only Todd doesn't look surprised. BLACK 'Ang on a minute! Since when did we bloody decide that James is 'igher up the rankings than I am!? Why ain't I gettin' a mention 'ere? BLONDE Not now, eh Nat? BLACK Pipe down shortarse! You want Cucaracha Inner'nacional bein' represented, why not me an' Cortez? CORTEZ He's got a point too, Landon. MADDIX In that case, I guess the choice is up to you Todd. Seeing his plans crumbling again Blonde looks on helplessly. CORTEZ Or, you know what we COULD do... MADDIX What's that? CORTEZ Well, how about we let them settle it between the two of them. BLONDE [size=1]No...[/size] CORTEZ Let them fight it out. Winner stays on to wrestle me at AngleMania. Can't say any fairer than that. Much to Blonde's horror, Landon seems to be thinking it over. MADDIX Nat? You okay with that? BLACK Fine by me. MADDIX James? BLONDE Well I dunno see... MADDIX We'll go with that. The leader has spoken! All I need now is some sort of balcony to frequent as I watch my minions fight! We'll work on that. Where's Megan when you need her? CORTEZ Probably try catering. Nodding in agreement Landon leaves in search of Megan, Todd following and brushing close past Blonde to the point that it's almost a shoulder barge. Staring dead ahead Blonde looks shell-shocked. By the time he looks up, Black is once again nose-deep in his book. And Blonde just holds his hand to his head, experiencing a sudden migraine.

Much like last week, at the catering table is Megan Skye. Infact, much like any week. Just like last week Megan is filling up on cups of coffee and looking generally indifferent to it. Just like last week, she's interrupted in her menial task. But this week it's Todd Cortez who's spotted her and veered off from his path in order to pass by inconspicuously. CORTEZ On another coffee run? MEGAN Why, did you want something? CORTEZ You're better than this. You know that. Megan scowls at Todd. MEGAN Don't start with me Todd. Last thing person I need blowing smoke up my ass is you, especially when it comes to my managerial ability. You didn't seem so concerned with that when I was supposed to be your manager way back when. So, save it. CORTEZ That's what I miss about you most, that sunny exterior. MEGAN What do you really want Todd? CORTEZ What do you mean by that? MEGAN James told me something the other day. Something interesting. CORTEZ Let me guess... was it about Landon? Not amused, Megan folds her arms and stares at Todd. He MEGAN Look, I don't know what your deal is. I don't know if James is parranoid, or if he's right to be. Just wisen up already, okay Todd? Do the right thing and listen to Landon, everything will be so much easier that way. You're the US Champion now. Surely that tells you something? You've got talent. Don't waste it on some pointless grudge. James is already campaigning to get that belt off of you, keep it up and you won't be champion for much longer. Looking interested at what he's just heard, the last part anyway, Todd contemplates. CORTEZ That's exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks. Todd walks off, leaving Megan to wonder what he meant by that.

Into the Cucaracha Internacional locker room we go, tracking US Champion Todd Cortez's entry. And inside we find Nathaniel Black, bucking the OAOAST employment trend, proving his literacy by reading a book about the Kray twins. Which is shorthand for 'he's English'. Cortez walks around the seat Black's lounged in, setting down his US Title while eyeing the Brit. CORTEZ Another easy night, huh? Barely acknowledging his fellow CI member, Black scowls and turns the page. CORTEZ Don't worry, I know how you feel. BLACK Wha's that supposed to mean? CORTEZ You're bottom of the ladder now. Down goes the book. Probably not the best person to be interrupting, a guy reading a book about notorious gangsters. BLACK An' 'ow do you figure that, eh? CORTEZ Weren't you out there once, going toe to toe with Zack Malibu, giving him the fight of his life? The guy who's now holding the World Title? That was seven months ago. And what have you done since then exactly? You took the top guy in the company to his limit. That should have opened doors for you. Gave you opportunities. How many opportunites have you had this year? Looks like you've put a foot wrong somewhere. Question is, when? BLACK ... CORTEZ Anyway, enjoy your book. Todd strolls past Black and back out of the room, smirking slightly. The Brit goes back to his book, only to stop in mid-reach in thought.

To be fair, I'd consider him further down the line. Not this high. Yeah, if he was still on the board I would have looked at him more seriously at some point, just on reputation. But he didn't fit the rest of my roster so it would have meant using another 'outside' pick just to fit him in. There's still another guy on the board I've got the same feelings about and maybe I'll take the plunge on him before somebody else, who knows.

I've got very limited knowledge of the Florida territory, but I do factor it in a little. Only reason I looked at Dusty at one point. I might be a little more TNA friendly towards the end with the Orlando connection.

I pretty much skipped on Ventura for the same reason as al did.

The thing that induction video left me with... the Brainbuster was much more devestating than I remember it being. Maybe it's just that they showed the best ones on jobbers willing to sacrifice themselves, but wow.

No silly, what you need to be successful is a gimmick. Or in EHME's case, a better gimmick.

Wait, Venk's Canadian, right? Nevermind about the wallet then. Wait, do Canadian currency jokes still work in this economy?

If you guys are all finished picking the bones, I'll just take Venk's wallet and be on my way.