King Cucaracha

What's the betting some dumb kid'll shoot himself within the month trying to re-create this...

Me. Velocity's a cool show...you get the best parts of Smackdown, Tazz making fun of Josh Matthews, Ultimo Dragon, some of the cruiserweights who don't get on Smackdown. Last week they had Rey vs Nunzio and Shannon vs Noble. That's two more quality matches than Raw usually has. It's a decent enough show, and if I did it, I'd probably not just write about Velocity...like add in my thoughts on news stuff that's going on beforehand. I'm not expecting everyone who watches wrestling to read it, but seeing as I watch Velocity every week, I might as well write a recap for it...

The guy has a point. The amount of times I've heard all that amongst the monotonous Fuck Goldberg shit... Goldberg is just gonna go out, destroy Mark Henry, pop the crowd with a Jackhammer on the big guy and someone else will attack him. Sure, it won't be a great match. It's not supposed to be. It's supposed to push Goldberg, who is the World Champ...supposed to make us give half a damn about someone in the midcard for a few shows...supposed to continue a stroyline which makes sense. The amount of times I've heard bitching about that stuff...you've got it.

Err Dames...I'm interested in Velocity recapping, but when would be the deadlines for each week? I'm asking because we don't get Velocity over here in Britian until Sunday night, and with school and shit, the earliest I'd be able to get that done would be Monday night/evening.

Vince freaked at the thought of MLW becoming competition with Lawler...god, I hate to think what he's like now. This is good news. The non-Hogan fans who think the TNA is gonna die overnight because of this can blow me. If TNA was gonna die over one little thing, it would have happened already. It hasn't. Hopefully this is the thing that can push TNA to near-competitiveness with the WWE. With that out of the way, what's the betting we'll kick off the show with Hogan bashing the WWE? That's a shoot brotha!

I wouldn't be surprised if they used one off Limp Bizkit's new album...if not this month, then soon.

So if you slapped my face off in public, murdering you afterwards would be justified because you didn't show me any respect? Fuckwad. M Never been to London have you?

I take it you never read any poems during your school years with half rhymes in. And yes, I am being serious. Not about 'school' and 'down'...That's just lazy as fuck...but 'asleep' and 'creek'. Personally, I don't get the over-hate here...well, sorry, I do...but it's taken to ridiculous levels at times. I haven't bought the album, I just borrowed it and put the half decent stuff on a copy CD with some other stuff. Eat You Alive is ok, as is Down Another Day. But it's not great I agree.

Or for leverage on a vertical suplex. I just think it's supposed to be 'morally wrong', but it can be interpreted as 'using other means to gain unfair advantage on pinfalls.' A reverse atomic drop is supposed to affect the tailbone rather than be a lowblow. For dropping people on the top rope, in kayfabe terms, it could be argued that the ropes were just in the way or it was accidental.

So, which McMahon is to blame for RVD/Christian apparently losing viewers then?

Thank fuck. I'd rather remember the great Bret Hart for what he was, rather than a handicapped version (which is really sad for me to say) in any type of competive match, be it with Angle or anyone.

Goldberg pops the crowd, but he isn't over as a draw for buyrates or ratings. Neither is RVD, but he's over as hell. What's your point?

Yeah, Triple H owns you Todd The “HEY WAKE UP AND WRITE” Match Daemon vs. Craig McLennan Memphis Eel wins with his new finisher, the Sweet Elbow Piledriver. “Bring Your Own Weapon” Match Jimmy “The Demon” Liston vs. “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins Liston, because Spike is inconsistant. Slightly Biased Cage Match for the T.V. Title Brian Bowers vs. Jay Morrison Bowers if he can write this week. European Title Match Todd Royal© vs. Dominic Korgath Toddster, though it'll be close, because I like Korgath's style. #1 World Contendership/#1 Euro Contendership Singles Match Aecas vs. Landon Maddix Err...well, I'd better not comment I guess. World Title Hardcore Match Insane Luchadore© vs. Manson I'm gonna go for the shock, and put Manson to win, because everyone else thinks IL.

HYPOCRITE ALERT! The guy is broke, but then he says he won't spend his money(which he doesn't have remember) on a promotion with Jarrett on top. Or, in other words... I'm broke, I have no money...I'll try and gain smark popularity and blame it on that damn Jeff Jarrett. Seriously, if he doesn't have the money to pay each week for the show, just say it. Don't bring Jarrett into it. If he must mention Jarrett, try a different paragraph or something.

No, he started before then...do you own Survivor Series 89? If so, watch the first match and the ref at ringside in particular, because it's Shane O Mac...with previously mentioned bowl haircut. He started refereeing in the late 80's, not just during the Attitude era. As for Vince, the problem is his character is a known ratings winner in the past. So obviously he'd use himself over guys like RVD and Christian when they cause the ratings to drop. Plus, Vince can still play a role as a manager, because he cuts a good interview or promo when he's not all over the latest hot blonde. So obviously he'll book himself to be out there.

Exactly why I wanted you to mark that match, Tod! ;) But anyways, I forgot to address this and I will right now: Maddix I booked you against such a tough opponent like Aecas because I thought you were one of the few could really take him on. You stand a decent chance of winning here, man, so don't put yourself down. Just write out your heart and you may actually do it . ...aw shucks.

Raw- Orton SD- Eddie

Nash vs Goldberg...meh. You'd think Vince would put Goldberg against someone to cover for his lack of pure wrestling. e.g Jericho. But Nash? Jeezum.

Ah...well, I really need to get with the time difference I guess...but yeah, I'll admit my stuff was a little late. So, my apologies for what it's worth. Sorry guys.

[i decided not to start with a show review...although I'll advance on to that eventually. It's nothing brilliant...but I'll happily wait for any feedback. Cheers...] Yeah, so we're all unhappy with the WWE recently. That's beginning to become beyond old news. I'm one of the increasing minority who still watch the WWE. I can see the bad don't get me wrong, and it's obvious there's a problem. But I can still see through that. Hell, I'm entertained by Coach and Al Snow. Probably because I'm an Al Snow mark, and Coachman's bit is just surreal. Considering who is is, and how he's more accomplished on the microphone than a good section of the Raw roster. Hell, if I wasn't a 'bitter smark', I'd be looking forward to Goldberg-Triple H. The build-up so far has been sufficient. Nothing on the level of a posedown or an arm wrestling match. Just something simple. You're not here to read about the current WWE, I know. You can do that countless other places from countless other sources. But the booking part of that last paragraph is what I'm focusing on. See, with the current state or the WWE, it's easy to forget that for all 'Vinnie Mac' has done wrong, he has created some great programming in the past. Sure, he may have had help from others. And sure, the ratio of good to bad is about 1:2 if you add everything up. But still, the fact remains...every now and then, Vince McMahon can make stars, Vince McMahon can put on good programming, and Vince McMahon can create a memorable feud or occurence. Take for example, Bob Backlund and Bret Hart. Just these two very names can bring back great memories for many different wrestling fans. One of the greats of the 80's and one of the greats of the 90's. Two men that will go down as legends. And two men that together managed to put on a memorable little feud in late 1994/early 1995. A feud seemingly out of nowhere. One of my favourite feuds ever. Not just for those involved, but for the almost simplistic yet effective booking involved. And also, for when it happened. Late 1994 wasn't the best of times to be a WWF fan. We'd seen the end of Owen Hart versus Bret Hart...kind of. We'd just experienced Summerslam...and the return of the Undertaker. Oh, not forgetting the casket match at the Rumble, the green smoke, the floating Marty Jannetty, the Fake Undertaker and the urn with a torchlight in it. Not to mention face Doink. Not that it was particularly bad...it's more what could and should have happened instead which makes it so bad. But in the midst of all this, we have some good. But we needed something...fresh. Something new. Two phrases which you wouldn't associate with Bob Backlund. 'Part 1': The History Now, I don't profess to be an old school fan. Most wrestling before 1987/88 is almost foreign to me. But, I do know the asic hitory for this. This feud 'starts' in 1983. Of course, Bret isn't involved. This however comes into play later. On December 26th, reigning World Champion, nice guy Bob Backlund met dastardly heel The Iron Sheik in Madison Square Garden. Backlund had held the belt for almost four years...something which of course was more common before the days of monthly PPV's (or indeed any PPV's) and Monday Night Raw. Hell, nowadays it's not highly though of when someone holds the belt for a year (Diesel, Triple H). That's different of course...but you get the point. Anyway, having held the belt for so long, Backlund was obviously booked very strongly. People saw him as champion for so long, and just got used to it. Back then, the belt was a lot more important. If you held the belt, you really were the best. So, Backlund had been the best for four years. The Iron Sheik, the challenger, wasn't the favourite to win understandably. Nobody wanted to see a foreign heel with the belt. Not with such a great, straightlaced champion already established. But, the fans were dissapointed. The Iron Sheik clamped in his patented Camel Clutch. Backlund was trapped, but however he wouldn't quit. He was the courageous champion, he wasn't going to give up without a fight. And then, suddenly...in came the towel. Backlund's manager Arnold Skaaland threw in the towel. As the bell rung, the Garden was in shock. The Iron Shiek was the champ. Backlund lost...but he never gave up. Gorilla Monsoon made damn sure we knew Backlund didn't quit. Hell,a fter four years, they wanted to take the belt from Backlund, but still keep him looking strong. And they did it. Part 2: Early 93 Skip forward nine years. Bob Backlund returned to the WWF some point in 1992. I'm a little blurry on when or even if he left. But I can't remember seeing him until about late 92, so I'll just assume. Anyway, the 1993 Royal Rumble was kind of a turning point for Backlund. He was given the main focus of the Royal Rumble, by lasting for about an hour. From nowhere, he suddenly meant something again. It was a great re-build for Backlund. Meanwhile, Bret Hart was by now the WWF Champion, after beating Ric Flair for the belt in October 1992. A title defense against Razor Ramon at the Rumble made a good impression. Bret was rapidly becoming a great champion. Then, both men hit roadblocks. Wrestlemania 9 took these two, grabbed their momentum and threw it to one side. Bret lost the belt to Yokozuna. We all know what happened after that, with Hulk winning the belt, and then losing it back at KOTR 93. Incidentally, Bret won the King of the Ring that year. So he wasn't totally ruined. Bret went on to a feud with Jerry Lawler, and then got involved with his brother in a little feud which produced two awesome matches (Summerslam and of course Wrestlemania 10). Of course, he also took the belt at Mania. As for Backlund...well, he lost to Razor Ramon at Mania. And then virtually disappeared. He didn't get onto PPV until over a year later. Part 3: Backlund vs Bret, part 1 So, it came as a surpise...a huge surprise, when finally the feud started. It was just another Monday Night Raw. Just another main event. Champion Bret Hart versus random lower midcarder. Said lower midcarder would put up a good fight, until Bret hit his lauded five moves of doom and win. Only...this was different. During the match, Bret went for a vertical suplex, but Backlund blocked and countered with a small package...of course, Bret kicked out at two. Only Backlund jumped up, and started celebrating a victory. Nobody thought to much of it really. After all...this was a routine Bret victory right? So, Bret gets the win eventually, and after the match he offers a handshake. Everyone waits for Backlund to do the right thing. It's all that could happen right? Backlund has been a good guy all his career. So he stretches the hand out, and the crowd aren't really caring...it's obvious what's going to... BANG! Suddenly, Backlund hits a slap. Bret goes down, and immediately Backlund locks in the Crossface Chicken Wing. Watching this over, you can see the shock on most of the crowd's faces. You can see the veins popping out of Backlund's neck. You can see, watching it over, that this was a masterstroke. From literally nowhere, in one movement, Backlund was pushed from obscurity to a feud with the World Champion. And, he deserved it. He played his part perfectly. From the babyface nobody cared too much about, to a pyschopath heel...effectively, and most of all believably. Part 4: Building up Backlund...and the Chicken Wing So, you go from obscurity to a top line push...great. But there's a problem. Namely, the fans don't have a clue about Backlund. Let's be honest, this was the time of the so called 'New Generation'. You know...where Vince tried to imply Mabel and Adam Bomb were superior to the likes of Hogan and Savage, because they were the 'new generation'. As such, the fans were supposed to see the younger wrestlers as better. Backlund wasn't young. Far from it. Not to mention the fan base at the time. I doubt anywhere near 30% of the core audience saw Backlund's run as World Champion. And for those who knew, there must have been some doubts. 'Hell, he was a great champion. But that was nearly ten years ago. Since then he's done nothing.' So Vinnie had to rebuild Backlund's credibility. Luckily, there was a simple way to both do this, and further the feud with Bret. After his heel turn was established, and he started wearing the suits, braces and ties, Backlund appeared on Raw and basically challenged anyone in the wrestling business to escape his signature hold, the Crossface Chicken Wing. In hindsight, it was a fantastic move. Suddenly, Backlund had an effective submission hold...something which instantly makes someone credible. Just look at Lance Storm during his early run in WCW. A few clean wins with his half boston crab, and it helped him no end. But also, it got the crowd into the match as soon as it got locked on. Of course, this needed time. So who should Backlund put the move on first...to establish it as a deadly hold. How about a magazine editor? Yeah, this wasn't the best move on paper. But it worked. See, the magazine guy appeared on Raw. I think he may have been writting an article about the hold. So anyway, Vince McMahon conducted the segment. This was during his face over-bearing commentary run obviously. Long story short, Backlund was encouraged to show the magazine writer what the hold felt like. Not fully, of course. That'd just be wrong. So Backlund locked it in, and everything seemed normal. Vince did his thing, the magazine writer commented on how hard it seemed to escape. And then Backlund starts throwing the guy around like a rag-doll. It's pretty funny, because it seems to take forever for Vince to realise Backlund has the hold fully locked in, even though he's totally destroying the guy just metres from him. Eventually Backlund releases, and the guy sold the injuries of the hold. The next step up was another logical one. Backlund's former manager Arnold Skaaland got clamped in the Chicken Wing a week or two later. This time, Vince saw the signs, and frantically tried to pull Backlund off the elderly Skaaland. It made for some memorable images. And it also moved the feud on. Backlund hadn't forgotten 1983...the main basis for the feud had been established. Slowly, Backlund moved on to more credible sources to take out. Bob 'Spark Plugg' Holly...Duke 'The Dumpster Droese...hell, even 'American Made' Lex Luger and 'Sellout Native American' Tatanka. After these sorry bunch of gimmicks, Backlund faced the 123 Kid one on one...and this of course led to... Part 5: The Bret-Backlund confrontations So, we've got the 123 Kid one on one with Bob Backlund. I'm pretty sure this was on Raw November 14th...although don't take my word for it. Backlund obviously dominated the Kid, The Kid did his fight back bit but ultimately tapped out to the Chicken Wing. The difference this time, was Backlund keeping the hold on The Kid...only this time Bret Hart comes running down the aisle, and stomps Backlund off of the Chicken Wing. Cue the referees and officials to try and hold the guys back...always surprises me how 8 average men can't hold back one proffesional wrestler in a pull apart brawl...but one referee can regularly hold back a proffesional wrestler during a tag team match. Ah...the mysteries of pro wrestling. Back to the feud, and the pull apart efforts of the referees doesn't last...as eventually Backlund breaks free, and manages to lock the Chicken Wing on Bret...but in a masterstroke move, he releases it just as quickly. Mind Games always gets plus points in my book. Backlund escapes, and grabs a microphone, letting Bret and the world know that the Chicken Wing was just a taster of what'll happen at the Survivor Series. He then begins to walk off...as this time Bret breaks free, trips Backlund in the aisle and locks in the Sharpshooter! The fans prepare to go nuts...and Bret breaks the Sharpshooter, returning to the ring. Counter mind games=more plus points. Bret then takes microphone, and tells Backlund that THAT too was a preview of what he will do in the Survivor Series. Quick pet peev of mine...I love Bret Hart and all. But he has this...habit of saying 'In the Survivor Series'. It's AT the Survivor Series Bret. AT. Ok, rant over...so far they've played things perfectly. They put over Backlund and his hold...fitted in a confrontation between champ and challenger, plus they got around the problem of possibly ruining the 'Nobody can escape the Chicken Wing' storyline extension, as well as giving a reason to make the match a Submissions Match. So...where do we go from here. Why, the reliable chat show of course. Part 6: The Towel Bearers As I already brought up, Bret had previously been feuding with his brother Owen. Rather than forget this, Vince decided to add this into the feud...at the same time, continuing the original basis. The incident of '83. See now it was officially a submissions match, the next logical step for the match would be to have towel bearers. Basically...you could only win by submission and then the towel being thrown in by the opponent's towel bearer. Smart move. The obvious choices where those chose...Owen opposing Bret, and The British Bulldog in his Brother in law Bret's corner. The two joined up with their comardes on the Heartbreak Hotel...of course hosted by the soon to break up World Tag Champions Diesel and Shawn Michaels. Long story short...Backlund went mad, saying that he would make sure Bret gave up, and the belt would be his...his....his...all his. Bret responded with a gem...'You wanna talk about old generation, new generation...you're from the lost generation.' He then blew it by sucking up BIG time, saying he was going to win for 'all the young children around the world who believed in him'...and again pissed me off by saying 'In the Survivor Series'. But I can forgive that. As for the towel bearers...they were set to particate in the Razor-Michaels captained Survivor Series match, but they also met on 'Sunday Night Slam' one on one. During the match, being in his classic dick heel phase, Owen feigned a knee injury, which of course stopped the momentum of the match. And also allowed Mr Bob to run down the aisle, and lock in the Chicken Wing on Bulldog from behind! Clearly all better, Owen decides to stomp away on Bulldog too...until Bret runs down, clotheslines Owen out and brawls with Backlund. Part 7: AT the Survivor Series So, it came to the big match. All the build-up was on the REAL main event. Sure, Taker-Yoko-the Chuck Norris debacle headlined. But everyone and their mother knows what the real main match was. The first ever Submission Match for the World Title...it had that special feeling about it. Now forgive me if over-hype this. In my opinion, this turned out to be a classic match. Without a doubt, in my opinion, the single best mix of story telling and submission/technical wrestling ever. The stories running through the match actually pushes this match above Benoit-Angle for my personal enjoyment. Hell...Benoit-Angle was a throw-together when you think about it. 'Oh, Benoit and Angle have had about 8 or 9 matches on PPV before...lets throw them together again, give them a two/three week feud and hope for the best.' This was something different, and it worked. The match summary...well, Bret outwrestled Backlund from the start...a little slow selling from a presumably nervous Backlund was obvious to see. But that's understandable. Backlund worked on the arm for most of the match, until Bret fought back and worked on the leg. Bret managed to lock in a figure four leglock, and even though Backlund looked ready to quit, Owen wouldn't throw in the towel. Backlund eventually escaped though, and had a few chicken wing attempts. Bret escaped them all...although he didn't actually break Backlund's word, as he never broke from the full hold. Eventually Bret got on the Sharpshooter, until Owen worked the referee and Bulldog...allowing him to bulldog Bret off the Sharpshooter. The Bulldog sprinted after Owen, Owen dropped down and Bulldog tripped, hitting head first into the steel steps. At the same time, Backlund locked in the Chicken Wing. Nobody to throw in the towel though. Suddenly, Owen looks remorseful...watching his brother, and his brother in law...he shows remorse. He actually starts crying. Bret manages to summon a near escape, but in the end it didn't work. Meanwhile Owen claims he's sorry, and tries to wake up Bulldog. In full tears, he eventually goes over to Stu and Helen who were sitting in the crowd right by Backlund. Owen let them into ringside, and pleaded for his mom to throw in the towel. Stu stopped her, but only momentarily as Helen grabbed the towel and threw it in. The shock on the crowd's faces was awesome, as Owen grabbed the towel and ran off. Bret got helped to the back, as Backlund celebrated to the shocked crowd. A lot put into the match...and Owen played his part brilliantly. His interview afterwards wasn't too great...Backlund however put in a good interview, getting over his madness once more. But everyone played their part brilliantly...even Davey, who played 'the knocked out guy' brilliantly. And although it didn't beat Angle-Benoit or Bret-Owen on match quality, it was one of the best booked matches in the WWF that decade...if not more. The bad points? Well, apart from Bret's annoying habit...the reason for the storyline. I implore you to find Survivor Series 94 for this match...or just the match on it's own. Save the embarassment of owning Clowns R' Us vs The Royal Family. When you get the match, listen to Vince on commentary. More than once, Vince...and Gorilla Monsoon for that matter...mention George Foreman winning boxing's World Title at Backlund's same age not long before the Survivor Series. Which brings up the question...was this all a publicity stunt? If it happened in boxing, it can happen in wrestling too. It's a worry. When you think about it...it probably was an attempted publicity stunt. See then...Backlund went from top of the world, to JOBbed. Diesel, turned at the Series, gained the belt from Backlund at a house show. A HOUSE SHOW. The World Title changing hands on a HOUSE SHOW! From there, we got Backlund-Bret 2: The rehash for Wrestlemania. With Roddy Piper as the referee. This time, Bret broke the Chicken Wing, and won the match. So he got his win back. And Backlund disappeared...again. Which all adds fuel to the 'publicity stunt' fire. But still. For a few months...Backlund turned back the clock. It was like 1983 all over again. Vince means may not be sound for most of the time, but his methods can work wonders. With the right workers. Luckily for Vince...Owen, Bret and Backlund fit that criteria. See...not all publicity driven storylines involve gay weddings or manequin sex.

Oh joy...fourth loss in a row coming up Seriously though, good card Judgey...

Well I dunno what happened with IL and Manson, but I did my third of the match for what it's worth. And as for the other two matches...dissapointing to say the least. I would have thought at least one would show...but there ya go. Hopefully it'll be better next week, or those damn dancing HHHamsters will keep holding us down! Just getting there before everyone else.

Big Show- Eat You Alive by Limp Bizkit. Work it out for yourselves.

Velocity is Smackdown's version of Heat. Heat has recaps, Velocity has recaps. Thing is, using seperate angles on Velocity is a good idea, but Vince can't even write storylines for most the full Smackdown roster. Basically, they add the recaps so people have two chances to see what happened on Smackdown, just like they can Raw. Nobody watches Afterburn or Bottom Line.