King Cucaracha

I've got one the Anderson Cup thingies. Love Shack w/Jade and Melody. And hopefully: Over The Top Rope Inaugural Brawl Todd Cortez vs. James Blonde vs. Landon Maddix vs. Ned Blanchard vs. Tim Cash vs. Spencer Reiger

Are you guys saying Craig Bellamy isn't a superstar? Better not let him hear you.

Man, how could I forget Rhettski the Jettski? I guess I lumped him in with Grizzly and now Ernie Osiris as recent. But thinking about it Rhett debuted that gimmick a while before all the other students got makeovers. No coincidence that Delirious is the trainer at the wrestling school now and suddenly the students are being entertaining.

I love the Man City chairman trying to save some face after Kaka turned them down. "Milan bottled it", "it became public and we didn't want to do it that way". Face the facts mate, Kaka didn't want to risk ruining his career by selling out to a team in a relegation battle just for money. Good for him.

What do you expect them to make them out of, candyfloss!?

He was good on the mic, but I didn't understand that flapping attack thing he did. He went to grab Cena, stopped, wobbled and looked unsure then JBL jumped in. Looked like something went wrong somewhere. I think the point was that he went to attack Cena but had second thoughts, then with Cena distracted JBL popped him. Something like that. Although he then went for SCM later, so maybe not.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: January 17th, 2009 First air date: January 19th, 2009 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead corespondent: Tony Brannigan The Lethal Rumble is a few days away, depending on what Syndicated re-run you're watching this show on. And when I finally get around to posting it. Tonight Syndicated paves the way for the Lethal Rumble as we announce yet more... well, that's being generous, a couple more to add to the couple already announced doesn't sound so great though... entrants into this 8th annual Lethal Rumble! For some, their slim hopes of an AngleMania main event die tonight. For others, their slim hopes live on! Let's get to it! Lethal Rumble Qualifying Match ***Tyler Bryant -VS- Divine Brother Uno w/Divine Brother Dos*** For the second week in a row Tyler Bryant kicked off Syndicated, this time with a special stipulation. A victory for him would mean he qualifies for the Lethal Rumble, but if Uno could pull off the win then both himself and partner Dos would be among the 30 participants. Fighting for himself and his kin brother, Uno got out of the blocks early with an attack on Tyler as the bell rang. Uno's wild forearms and stomps kept Tyler reeling for the opening of the match, completely overwhelmed by the surprise attack. Clearly meaning business, Uno tried early to elevate Tyler up into the electric chair. But Tyler was able to slip down the back, shoving Uno into the ropes for a big Samoan Drop and a 2 count. Suddenly a fire was lit under Tyler and it was he who went on the attack. His right hands sent Uno scurrying to the floor for a reprieve but a reprieve wasn't forthcoming as Tyler followed him out. A chase broke out at ringside until Dos interjected himself. Stepping in Tyler's path Dos mumbled some sort of tribal chant at the boybander. No more than distracting, but effectively distracting as it allowed Uno to strike from behind coming off the apron. Tyler was rolled back in and Uno scored a nearfall. Uno stayed on the attack and laid into the fallen Tyler, then with the referee dealing with backing him up Dos reached into the ring to add some strikes as well. Eventually enough was enough for SHAYNE BRAVE who came to the ring with his arm in a plaster cast to even the odds somewhat! Uno wasn't phased for long and got another nearfall from a middle rope senton splash. But Shayne used his one good arm to rally the crowd behind Tyler and the power of the people overwhelmed the mystical powers of Los Conquistadors as Tyler fought to his feet and fought back into the match with punches. After unleashing a Top Ten Hit in the corner, Tyler whipped Uno across and delivered a match ending Yakuza Kick... or, at least it would have been match-ending, had it not been for Dos draping his partner's foot over the ropes. Dos was soon laid out by Shayne, sacrificing his arm to deliver a shot with the cast. In the ring, Uno countered on Tyler and took him up for the electric chair again. Again Tyler escaped though and delivered the Idoliser (TKO) to score the win and advance to the Lethal Rumble! Winner: Tyler Bryant, via pinfall Our HeldDOWN~! Recap brought us more sneak attacks and extra-curricular activities from TSM's favourite show. Krista and Malaysia fought on the set of a gameshow, Jade and Melody fought in McDonalds and Bosley and CPA tracked Mariachi all the way to Mexico! What will those crazy cats of the OAOAST think of next!? Maybe there'll be a fight in a wrestling ring! Radical thinking from a radical cat. Before our next match, we reminisced on last year's Lethal Rumble and the contribution of Biff Atlas to the annals of Rumble history. And I gotta say straight away, Coach was right, that was some hot shit. In a good way. Anyway, times have changed and like the rest of us, Biff's main concern is no longer the environment. It's his health and well-being. So after that reminder of beating's past, surely Biff wouldn't put himself in a situation where he's in a match with 29 other possible opponents? Wrong. Lethal Rumble Qualifying Match ***Tim Cash -VS- Biff Atlas*** But first he'd have to qualify against resident nice guy Tim Cash. However, maybe we weren't wrong, as Biff refused to wrestle once in the ring and instead ducked through the ropes to keep Tim back. Obtaining a microphone, Biff insisted that he wasn't cleared to compete and that he'd suffered a serious injury (having caught a cold queuing overnight hoping to get a good seat at Barack Obama's inaugaration, he threw his shoulder out while sneezing and was forced to leave Washington to seek medical help). So he proposed that the only fair thing to do would be for Cash take the forfeit victory and go on to the Rumble with his blessing "and grave warnings of danger... but mostly blessings". However, Cash disagreed. He announced he didn't think it fair for an opponent to lose his once in a lifetime shot at AngleMania main-event status because of an unavoidable ailment. Refusing to take a forfeit, the nicest man in professional wrestling instead suggested that the referee call the match a draw on the agreement that BOTH men advance to the Rumble due to being unable to complete their qualifying match within due time restraints. Biff didn't like this idea one bit. But the referee seemed okay to go by that ruling. And despite his best efforts to say no, Tim's niceness would not take no for an answer and before Biff knew it Cash shook his hand and the bell was ringing to throw the match out and send both men into the Rumble! Much to Atlas' abject horror. Winner: Draw, both men qualify ANGLEPALOOZA 2009 January 25th, Seattle, Washington LIVE on Pay-Per-View! Featuring Survive Or Surrender. The 8th Annual Lethal Rumble Match. The World Title on the line. And much more. Backstage we found Biff Atlas a gibbering wreck at the prospect of facing 29 other men in the Lethal Rumble. In a daze he wandered his way to Josie Baker's office and pleaded that a draw should eliminate both men, not advance them. Josie agreed that would be the normal decision. But in the spirit of sportsmanship she was willing to look the other way, just this once! And she wouldn't take no for an answer either. Poor Biff! ***Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont -VS- Twice Nightly and Mango Chutney*** Not a Lethal Rumble qualifier, although if Felix and Reggie are in then let's pretend it was. Not that they're neccessarily going to win, of course. They did. But let's keep up the pretences a little longer, eh? For what it's worth, Twice Nightly is a really obscure Whose Line reference and Mango Chutney is... just a funny name. Admit it, you LOLed. Felix started off with Mango, not to be confused with Tango Bosley, using his speed to befuddle the fruity rookie. After a couple of armdrags and a standing dropkick Felix showed off with a springboard crossbody block off of the middle rope. A 2 count later and a tag was made. Nightly didn't fare much better and Felix dominated the exchanges between the two, before tagging in Reggie. The power man of the team took over and turned it up a notch (BAM!), smashing through Nightly with high impact attacks, then drove him into the canvas with a running powerslam. Mango tagged in, but got squashed immediately with an avalanche. Squashed mango? Anything? Eh. Anyway, Felix kept Twice isolated while Reggie dumped Mango with a press slam. Reggie followed up with a Scissors Kick and scored the pin nobody could have seen coming! Winner: Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont, via pinfall NEXT WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! The Anderson Cup continues with D*LUX vs. The Last Kings Of Scotland and number one contender Mr. Dick teaming with love object Malaysia to take on Los Diablos De Fuego. World Champion Leon Rodez hosts a very special Love Shack, with Women's Champ Jade Rodez-Duncan and Melody Nerdly. I think they all might know each other somehow. Not sure. Plus the build to Anglepalooza and the Lethal Rumble continues one would assume Lethal Rumble Qualifying Match ***Jamie O'Hara -VS- Spencer Reiger*** Our main event brought us another crunch qualifier. Spencer's flawless track record for POing his opponents continued on pre-match as he attempted to ape O'Hara with some hot b-boy stances. And that's word. Once the action got underway, Spencer couldn't ape O'Hara's high-flying offence and found himself thrown around with a variety of scissors and drags. After far too many flips and dips for his liking Spencer rolled out of the ring and decided to take a timeout, refusing to get into the ring until his opponent "stops that gymnastic trash!" The resulting lock-up was much more his style. Especially one which he could lure O'Hara into, then knee him in the gut. Reiger put a beating to O'Hara and got a 2 for a big knee drop. Showing off his own athleticism Spencer used a great looking standing dropkick to earn another two count. Then it was time to PO the fans some more, as he faked going for a standing shooting star press and instead raked O'Hara's eyes with the flat of his boot. That was all it took to get the crowd behind O'Hara and he reacted, countering a suplex and delivering a REVERSE 'RANA to drop Spencer on his head!! Luckily for his Rumble prospects The Prodigy rolled out of the ring and O'Hara wasn't able to make the cover. Once O'Hara did have Spencer back in, he'd recovered to kickout before three. Still dazed, Reiger took a standing moonsault for another 2, then suffered a standing 450 for an even closer 2! O'Hara sensed victory and went up top to put some more momentum behind a move. But Reiger rolled out of the way of his corkscrew moonsault attempt and O'Hara crashed and burned. A Blood Is The New Black knee strike laid O'Hara out, but the Brit managed to kick out. O'Hara then countered a Pedigree attempt with a quick roll-up, almost shocking Spencer. After an exchange of strikes, O'Hara came off the ropes with his Busaiku knee, turning Spencer inside out. O'Hara leapt up looking for a regular hurricanrana to finish Reiger off. Spencer managed to grab the ropes though and with the referee out of position telling O'Hara to break his hold, he threw O'Hara forward and kicked him LOW~! The Reiger Counter then collected another victim as Spencer Reiger qualified for his first Lethal Rumble! Winner: Spencer Reiger, via pinfall

As for who needs to be added, Rosa Mendez.

I love how without fail when anyone gets new theme music, there's eight posts saying "Oh, this new song sucks!" Remember when everyone hated Voices? Glad to see I'm not the only one liking the JBL/HBK storyline. So many people seem to be hung up on arguing "but Shawn Michaels is a main-eventer, how can he be broke and not *random midcarder*!?", even though they've already explained it multiple times. Another compelling storyline for Shawn. What with the Flair storyline, morphing into the Batista storyline, morphing into the Jericho storyline and now this, Shawn's been involved in some killer stuff in the past 12 months. And yeah, ditto on the overrun, I missed the punt.

It doesn't stop him from wrestling as Colin Delaney though, does it? Just means if WWE wants to stick his name on a DVD or an action figure they don't have to get his permission first?

I agree you can. But when was the last time they did? You had Hero and Sweeney, before Gabe had Hero drop the entertainment because he was getting too positive a reaction and suddenly Hero was KOing people with roaring elbows and Sweeney was mocking Bobby Dempsey for being a virgin. You had Delirious, until Gabe decided it'd be better to put him in a serious feud with the Hangmen 3 and then go emo. Davey Richards used to be the amusing on of the No Remorse Corps, but that got dropped. Generico and Steen were amusing on and off. The Briscoes promos are amusing but I'm not sure they're supposed to be. The only comedy character I could name would be Bushwhacker Luke. Maybe I'm just bias because I'm sick of ROH being too one-note and serious recently, I dunno.

Yeah, that was basically my point. It got a huge reaction, it was a great finisher.

No, it's supposed to be about a dozen guys doing gimmicks where they have one favoured strike that can knock people out~! ROH needs more characters. I know it's serious wrestling, pure wrestling and so on, but there's only so many hard-hitting 15-20 minute pure wrestling hard striking matches with no reason to cheer anyone based on personality certain people can take. Besides, you can't have a guy like Grizzly start knocking people out with roaring elbows to get over. The students need characters. When they didn't have characters, nobody cared about them and their sole responsibilities were set up the ring and try and make Ricky Reyes look impressive. (At least they got the ring right.) Grizzly's character needs some work, but on the same token certain ROH fans need to get a sense of humour about wrestling too and not think themselves 'above' cheering someone on the undercard dressed as a lumberjack.

It's the folder consisting of WWE stuff. It's a folder relating to the company, so technically the 'The' pertains to the folder rather than the company, so it's gramatically correct. It'd still work without the 'The' though. How did it take nine posts for this to turn into a grammar discussion? We're slacking.

OAOAST Women's Championship Jade Rodez-Duncan © vs. Maggie Nerdly Have we ever had a show with three women's matches before?

Why was Who's Nerdly Is It Anyway not a Whose Line Is It Anyway rip-off!? I quit! Un-fucking-acceptable! Also, before I go, thanks this many months later to Patty for giving me a reason to use the Space Invaders Photoshop shape thing I downloaded months ago. The amount of crap I downloaded for no reason other than it was free. Future suggestion, I've got two packs of shapes that are positions from the Kamasutra. Hopefully I'll get around to proper feedback later since I'm long overdue.

Alcohol. I don't drink. Never have. I don't care what funny thing you did when you were drunk. If I want to hear about it, it better be from someone else as second-hand gossip because at least then I can laugh about you behind your back for being a moron. Actually, people with stories about being drunk in general isn't so bad as the people who tell you just how wasted they got to try and impress you. Going out and drinking, okay, good for you. Going out to get drunk, not impressive in the slightest. Especially if it's in advance, telling me you plan to get so drunk you don't remember a thing the next day. I don't get it. Why not tell me you don't remember anything the next morning. It'd be a shorter conversation. And therefore better. Cars. Don't know, don't care. Movies. In general, I don't watch movies. Whether it's a poor attention span or what, I dunno, but I've watched so few movies in my entire life and not all of them were throug advance choice. So people who try and discuss movies I haven't watched are really wasting their time because unless it's amazingly good I'm not going to follow up on it.

Has goldengreek ever contributed anything? I'm not seeking a ban because that 1 second of mild amusement when I first read his posts warms my heart so much. I just ask in general passing.

Don't patronise me man. We got beef.

I don't know why everybody's still bemoaning the STF or The Victory (aka FU) at this point. The fact is, weak as they look to the trained eye, the majority of normal people obviously don't care, because they still get reactions. When he applies the STF, I'm pretty sure the majority of people aren't booing because his fingers aren't clasped. When he hits The Vi The FU, it's the minority in the crowd going "oh, it's just a Fireman's Carry, what a bunch of crap". The same people complaining about this are probably the ones who complain about Hogan's Legdrop looking weak or the People's Elbow being a dumb finisher. Only wrestling nerds really worry about minor stuff like that. To me, the problem with his work is the basics. Stuff that people are going to notice. I know the suplex is supposed to be 'modified', with the pseudo leg-hook. But it just looks bad. The hiptoss is one of the worst delivered moves in wrestling history, although he may have dropped that recently. And his punches are awful. That's the shit he needs to improve on. If your basics look bad, it's not just the wrestling enthusiasts who study everything to minute detail who are going to notice, it's the average fan who's disbelief isn't going to be suspended. I'll agree with Corey in saying that Cena doesn't look natural at times. He's not a polished wrestler. But it's hard to argue with him being a great performer. Unless you're goldengreek, then it's easy and usually only takes about ten words in five posts.

COLE But we kick things off with the new number one contender in action! I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! "Womanizer" pumps through the arena as Mister Dick pumps through the entrance with a big grin on his face. The newly named number one contender stands beneath a golden shower of pyro, seemingly in awe of his own genital proportions as he looks down. Not quite so impressed are the crowd, getting on Mr. Dick's case as he swaggers confidently down the aisle, stopping only to offer himself to a female fan in the aisleway. Which her other half doesn't take too kindly to of course. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this is your opening contest of OAOAST HeldDOWN and is set for one fall! Introducing first, from San Antonio, Texas and weighing two hundred, thirty eight pounds... he represents The Deadly Alliance and is the Number One Contender to the World Heavyweight Championship... "THE HUMAN HARD ON"... MMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSTTEEEEEERRRRRRR... DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sliding into the ring, Mr. Dick pounds the canvas with his eyes sinisterly fixed on the crowd. COLE And with Anglepalooza just nine days away, the title credentials of this man are going to be tested to their fullest by his former tag team partner. COACH Test nothing. This is just a warm-up. COLE Warm-up!? I tell you what, Baron Windels is one hell of a 'warm-up' in that case. He's beaten Mr. Dick before and he could certainly do it again. Mr. Dick confidently struts around the ring like the cock of the walk before a "PENCIL DICK" chant starts up and gets him all riled up. Just as riling are the cheers when "Thriller" by Fallout Boy hits. BUFFER And his opponent hails from San Antonio, Texas. He weighs two hundred and sixty five pounds and is "THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER"... BBAAAAAAARRRRRROOOOOOOOOONN... WWWWIIIIIIIIIIINNDDEEEEEELLLLLSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Following the orange pyro rocket's descent into the stage, Baron Windels makes his way out. Infact the usually cheery Baron almost stalks through the entrance way with a scowl etched on his face as he stares at his former partner who's chewing absent mindedly on a stick of gum. Baron's walk to the ring and just as slow and determined. COLE No Melody Nerdly at Baron's side, more on that later in this broadcast. As Baron reaches the ringside area he stops and stares at Mr. Dick some more. Mr. Dick leans over the ropes jawing at his former partner, who just glares back before suddenly throwing up the longhorns, or the Nerdly RAWK hand signal if you prefer. COLE Boy, Baron looks focused and Mr. Dick may have bitten off more than he can chew tonight and if you say what you look like you're about to say in response to that you will regret it trust me. COACH No homo. Baron climbs the steps and enters the ring. Off comes the jacket, with the Stewie Griffin t-shirt sadly conspicuous by it's absence with Baron's serious attitude tonight. The Human Hard On looks on from the opposite corner unimpressed. COLE Here we go, the battle of the Gunslingers live on HeldDOWN and we thank you once again for joining us here tonight live on TSM. *DINGDINGDING!* As the bell sounds Mr. Dick suddenly gets a bit more serious, spitting out his gum. Of course he doesn't just spit it anywhere, instead aiming it in the direction of Michael Buffer as he leaves the ring. Referee Mike Chioda signals for them to 'get it on' and the two bulls square up in the middle of the ring in a staredown. COLE Sad to think that this time last year, these two were the Tag Team Champions of the world. COACH A year is a long time in wrestling Cole. The staredown inevitably escalates into words between the two. And words lead to physicality, as Mr. Dick shoves Baron in the chest! Baron wipes a hand across his face before responding by slugging Mr. Dick with a flurry of Texan right hands! The crowd go wild as the hard rights back MD into a corner and Baron doesn't stop there as he continues to swing away, taking out months of frustrations before the referee orders a break and an opening of the hand. Baron gives the clean break and whips Mr. Dick across the ring into the opposite turnbuckles. Hitting hard, Mr. Dick then stumbles out into another right hand and as he hits the deck he rolls on out of the ring waving it off. COLE Don't tell me Mister Dick has had enough already! Baron isn't hanging around to find out, exiting the ring and staying on the attack! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE You can never have enough of a good thing they say and Mr. Dick getting punched in the mouth is definately a good thing! Looking dazed Mr. Dick staggers around ringside trying to get away. Baron catches up to him and whirls him around into a big right hand, then bounces Mr. Dick's face off the ring apron. Another right hand then connects and hard. Mr. Dick takes a spill into the timekeeper's table, improvising by attempting to use Buffer as a human shield as Windels slugs him again. COACH That's a lawsuit. COLE And you just know Buffer's gotta have a good lawyer. Pulling Mr. Dick away from the tables and innocent bystanders Baron throws him back inside where MD tries to call for a truce. Baron swats away the handshake and boots Mr. Dick in the gut, throwing him into the corner. Climbing to the middle rope Baron then raises a fist with a contemptful look on his face... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!" COLE Baron Windels is tanning the hide of his former tag team partner! COACH No he's not, he's punching him in the face with an illegal closed fist! Which is worse! Baron keeps his fist balled up and throws away wrestling conventions as he delivers an eleventh punch. And a twelfth, both measured. However, Mr. Dick suddenly pulls an ace from his sleeve by tipping Baron forwards and causing him to hit his head on the top turnbuckle as he crashes over the top rope and down to the arena floor with a thud!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The desperation move allows Mr. Dick to try and clear the cobwebs in the ring, while Baron lays in a heap on the floor. COLE Resourceful move from Mr. Dick that may have changed the tide of this match. But I tell you, if he didn't at the start, he sure knows he's in a fight by now. With the crowd's support Baron is able to drag himself up onto the apron slowly but surely. Mr. Dick comes over to meet him, clubbing him over the ropes with a couple of forearms. Chioda backs Mr. Dick off, but The Human Hard On shrugs past him and delivers a hard right hand of his own, dropping Baron back to the floor. COACH Oh, sure, get on Mr. Dick's case for one punch. Nevermind the fifty closed fists Baron's been throwing all match! Baron is pulled onto the apron by Mr. Dick, who brings his former partner in THE HARD WAY~! with a vertical suplex! Cover by MD... 1... 2... No! Starting to pull Baron up, Mr. Dick suddenly has second thoughts, instead mounting Baron and delivering some right hands. Mr. Dick then makes some typically crass gestures over his opponent's face before Baron shoves him off. Both men get to their feet with Baron striking first with some more Texas sized rights, forcing Mr. Dick to go to the eyes to halt the onslaught. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Grabbing Baron by the arm, Mr. Dick sends him off the ropes with an irish whip. Mr. Dick ducks his head for a backdrop which proves a mistake. Putting on the brakes, Baron delivers a forearm to the back, then hooks Mr. Dick up for his own vertical suplex! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE What a momentum killer this could be for Mister Dick! COACH Don't lose faith yet Michael. Mister Dick ALWAYS rises to the occasion! As Mr. Dick stumbles to his feet, he falls into a corner. Baron lines him up and delivers a big clothesline against the turnbuckles that further knocks the wind out of Mr. Dick. Infact it's just the ropes holding the number one contender up as Baron whips the crowd up in support. The Lonestar Gunslinger delivers a short range elbow to Mr. Dick and then takes off into the ropes. As he rebounds though, Mr. Dick suddenly explodes... into life... and cuts Baron off with a STIFF Kick to the face!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh, what a shot! With Baron down, Mr. Dick tries to capitalise with a quick cover... 1... 2... No! Despite the kickout Windels is in bad shape and Mr. Dick is able to apply a rear chinlock, buying himself some time. COLE This has been a physical battle, just as we expected from these former friends. As Mr. Dick lives up to his name with a needless fish-hooking of his opponent, we cut backstage to find OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Leon Rodez in the In Crowd locker room, following the action closely on a TV monitor with his title belt hung up from the lockers beside him. COLE And there you see the World Heavyweight Champion watching on, scouting the man who will challenge him for that title in nine days time. And no doubt routing Baron on also. COACH Oh I'm sure he'd love Baron to do him a favour and injure Mr. Dick. COLE That's not really what I meant. COACH Sure it was, you can admit it. That nice-guy act he had going died with his relationship with Maggie. Mister Dick lets Baron go and delivers some forearms as Baron climbs to his feet. A knee doubles Baron up, Mr. Dick grabbing onto the waist of Baron's trunks and dragging him forward into a second knee. Finding himself near the ropes Mr. Dick then hangs the neck over the top and chokes Baron. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" MR. DICK C'MON BARON... YOU AIN'T GOT SHIT ON ME... "FOUR!" "FIV..." Mr. Dick breaks the choke and gets in the referee's face briefly. He then hits the ropes and with Baron still hung up, a knee to the kidneys finds it's mark. COLE Nowhere for Baron to go on that one. Falling to his knees in pain Baron is placed in a headlock and caught with three short punches by Mr. Dick who then gives the fans the "UP YOURS". And gets about 60 in return. Not bothered, MD whips Baron to the ropes and connects with a standing dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COACH Great extension on that dropkick. Don't worry, I'll call it since you won't. I got your media integrity right here bud! Mr. Dick swaggers around his fallen opponent a little, clearly delighting in the fact he's got Baron where he wants him. The Cocky Prick mocks the crowd for trying to get behind him and lifts Baron's arm up, letting it drop to the mat and mocking that he's 'gone limp'. Still laughing from that zinger Mr. Dick picks the legs and prepares to lower the boom and just be a dick. Before he can drop the headbutt though, Baron suddenly kicks out and forces MD away with his leg strength! Mr. Dick recovers coming off the ropes though and delivers a stomp which looks suspiciously low!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Come on referee, that's grounds for a disqualification surely! COACH Looked okay to me. Good firm kick to the midsection. COLE Look at Baron Windels writhing in pain and tell me with a straight face that stomp was in the midsection! The referee does call Mr. Dick on it but he's typically flippant to the ref and just brushes him off. He picks Baron up, slowly with Baron so rigid in pain, then delivers a Neckbreaker! Dusting his hands The Human Hard On hooks both legs, stacking Baron up... 1... 2... NO!! Mr. Dick looks frustrated and stalks around with hands on hips. In the meantime Baron fights to his feet. But Mr. Dick drops him with a clothesline and hooks him up again... 1... 2... NO! COLE It looks like Mister Dick may be getting a little frustrated at not being able to put his one time ally away. You think he's regretting signing up for this 'warm-up' now? COACH Hey, it ain't over yet and if Mr. Dick wins, imagine the confidence he's gonna have going into Anglepalooza. Not that he needs more confidence... COLE That's for sure. It's still a risk to his confidence, if you ask me. Picking Baron back up Mr. Dick scowls, starting to rough Baron up a bit. After messing up the hair he goes on to slap him upside the head a couple of times, just mocking his former partner. Mr. Dick then ducks down, looking for the inverted atomic drop to set up the Cock Shock... ...but it's Dickzilla who gets the shock as Baron captures him for a Backslide... COLE LOOK OUT! COACH NO! 1... 2... NO!! COLE Oh, he almost got caught right there! A quick boot stops Baron's fightback in it's tracks and Mr. Dick looks relieved before he uncorks a right hand. And another one. Mr. Dick then sets up an irish whip aiming Baron towards the corner, only for it to be reversed and to be sent into the turnbuckles himself. Summoning some strength, Baron charges and tells Mr. Dick to BITE MY SHINY METAL A... ...NO!! Mr. Dick moves and Baron's BUTT collides with the top turnbuckle instead! COLE Mister Dick with that well scouted, that used to be his move once upon a time. COACH Yeah, but when you're endowed like Mister Dick, why use your BUTT as a weapon when you can use your pride and joy? Looking to make good on that point Mr. Dick gets a run-up on Baron, pausing to go through a quick dick-cupping routine, brother! MD then charges and lunges with the BITE MY GIANT DI... ...CAUGHT!! COLE Oh my God! Taking a step out of the turnbuckles Baron manages to catch Mr. Dick in his arms to the amazement of all. Not least Dickzilla himself. And he carries him into the middle of the ring to deliver a Fallaway Slam!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE What a show of power from the true Lonestar Gunslinger, he just caught Mr. Dick in his arms! COACH Better than catching it in the face. COLE Would you stop!? Still hurting from the rigours of the match so far, Baron takes a few seconds, but does eventually crawl over to Mr. Dick and drape himself on top... 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! COLE Wow, only two, the number one contender just able to get that left shoulder up! COACH I'm sure Leon's loving this. Watching poor Mister Dick having to fight for his life while he sits and watches his ass grow like all World Champions do. COLE He wrestled just last week! COACH Oh, so he's done for the month now? Lazy ass World Champs... Baron hauls himself and Mr. Dick back up, both fatigued. Baron finds the strength to unload a right hand. And then another. And a third. The ref calls for him to open up the fist again, as Baron sends Mr. Dick off the ropes. Coming back, the number one contender is cut down by a big Lariat, Baron leaving his feet and almost taking Mr. Dick's head off in the process! With his opponent down Baron leaves the ring and starts to head to the top rope. COLE Baron Windels going up, it may be Clobberin' Time! Climbing back up, Mr. Dick unknowingly walks right into the path of the Top Rope Lariat! COLE Yes! Baron makes the cover, leg hooked... 1... 2... NO!! COACH Mr. Dick is one dick that just can't be beat! Now it's Baron who looks a little frustrated and he looks to the crowd for some inspiration, signalling that it's round-up time. COLE Here we go, Baron calling for the finish. COACH That doesn't mean anything. Just means he's a lame-ass show-pony. As Mr. Dick gets to his feet Baron lies in wait, sucking him into a front facelock looking for the Brigham Young Cocktail... ...but Mr. Dick counters with a back bodydrop! COACH See. Baron picks himself up as Mr. Dick comes off the ropes and gets STIFF... ...NO! Baron ducks the kick! Coming to a stop, Mr. Dick turns around into a boot to the gut and gets pulled back into the front facelock by Baron, who leaves the mat... but Mr. Dick counters again, shoving Baron backwards... ...and ALMOST into referee Mike Chioda in the corner! The ref cowers away from the collision as Baron barely puts the brakes on. Even though the referee isn't clattered, he is unsighted though, ALLOWING MR. DICK TO CAPITALISE WITH A LOWBLOW ON BARON!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" COLE WAIT A MINUTE! NO! As Baron hunches over, Mr. Dick pulls him onto his shoulders and throws him forward across the knees with the COCK BLOCK before Chioda knows what's happened! The crowd try to fill him in, but all Chioda sees when he turns around is Mr. Dick on top and demanding the count... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COACH And THAT's why he's the number one contender! COLE Damnit, this isn't right! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... MMMMMMIIIIIIISSSSSTTEEEEEERRRRR... DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Rolling out of the ring, Mr. Dick isn't hanging around for any inquiries into his win and leaves with his head and arms held high. In the ring Baron rolls around in pain, both from his stomach and lower. Mr. Dick smirks at getting away with the win and takes great joy in celebrating in a loud and aggressive manner in front of the fans in the aisle. COLE Mister Dick, thanks to a lowblow that went undetected by the referee, survives this match. He... COACH Yeah yeah, we know, he "STOLE ONE~!" Save it for the post-match investigation. Oh, wait, there ISN'T one, is there!? I guess that means we'll just have to give Mister Dick the win, huh? Another win on the way to the World Heavyweight Championship! Mr. Dick apprantly agrees, making the "belt motion" around his waist and an only slightly smaller "belt motion" around his dick. Laughing at Baron's misfortune as he rolls over and looks on from the ring, Mr. Dick raises his arms in victory once again. COLE I just hope this isn't a sign of things to come at Anglepalooza. Because we've just seen, Mister Dick will go to any lengths to get a victory. COACH You're right about one thing. Unlike you, Mister Dick WILL go to any lengths. COLE I dread to think what puns I'm going to have to put up with from you at Anglepalooza as well. *sigh* More HeldDOWN when we come back. [b]*COMMERCIAL BREAK*[/b]

COLE Welcome back to OAOAST HeldDOWN, live from Manchester, New Hampshire. Before the break we saw the number one contender to the World Heayweight Title Mister Dick picking up a victory over former partner Baron Windels, although not without controversy. Standing by right now is our broadcast colleague Josh Matthews and he's with the World Champion. Cut to the In Crowd locker room to find Josh with Leon Rodez, World Title over his shoulder as he stands with hands on hips. MATTHEWS Leon, another win for Mister Dick tonight and more momentum going into next Sunday. Your thoughts? LEON Another win for Mister Dick. How can you guys can say that with a straight face, just goes to show the level of professionalism in the OAOAST. Because let's face it, it sounds ridiculous. There's a guy going around calling himself 'Mister Dick' and nobody bats an eyelid. That's professional wrestling for you I guess. You know, there's a lot of buzz lately about the guy. And rightly so. For nearly a year people have been asking, "why does he call himself Mister Dick?" Well the way I see it, there's three reasons. Leon puts one finger up on his right hand. LEON Reason one is he's incredibly annoying. From his obsession with his body, to the voice that could drown out a car alarm, to the ridiculous clothing he wears which I can only assume from how tight they fit were intended for teenage girls. Add to that the fact he's a complete jerk to everyone and he's just really, really annoying. More than that, he's irritating. Try as you might to ignore the guy, he just gets louder and more annoying until you've got no choice but to pay attention. All of which leads me to wonder why he didn't go with his initial idea for a new moniker, 'Jock-Itch'. Two fingers go up. LEON Second reason is he claims to be incredibly well endowed. A lot. You know, personal experience tells me that the guys who make the biggest deal about that kind of thing are over-compensating for something. I wouldn't be surprised if Mister Dick had an obscenely big rifle hung on the wall back at his ranch in Texas, or if he drove a sports car. All I know is, when Melody first heard the phrase "everything's bigger in Texas", she told me she thought it was ironic, that's all I'm gonna say on the matter. Three fingers up. LEON And third and finally, it's because there's no depths he won't stoop to in order to get what he wants. And at AnglePalooza, he wants this... (holds out belt)... which means I'm going to have to be on guard for every cheapshot, every lowblow, every dubious tactic there is in the book. Putting the belt back over his shoulder, Leon shakes his head. LEON If there's one consolation, I guess it's that Malaysia won't be at ringside with him. Lord knows the last thing I need is a Nerdly out there to distract me, right? MATTHEWS Indeed. LEON Although I think even my charms'd be lost there. And a night with her'd likely be more than my life's worth. But, I digress. The fact is we just saw that Malaysia or no Malaysia, Mister Dick's gonna break whatever rules he so chooses. And if I'm not careful, whether it's a knee in the groin or a foot on the ropes, I could get caught with something and three seconds later it'll be goodbye World Heavyweight Title. Well I'm determined not to let that happen. I've only just begun as World Champion. I'm barely even started making the mark I want to leave on this title. I said after I won the belt that I'd take on any challenger. Big, small, young, old... fair or foul. Mister Dick is a challenge. A different type of challenge. Am I worried by it? No. I'm wary of what he does, I'm aware of the lengths he'll go to. But it's just another challenge I've got to prepare for. And come Sunday night in Seattle, I'll be damned if Mister Dick's going to sneak one over on me like he's done to so many others. MATTHEWS Okay, Leon Rodez in defiant mood, he's ready to try and handle the Dick at AnglePalooza... LEON :huh: MATTHEWS ...let's send it back to ringside with Michael Cole and Coach! COLE Leon Rodez and Mister Dick for the World Heavyweight Championship, nine days away at AnglePalooza. And remember, we are just nine days away from the Lethal Rumble Match as well! Stay tuned to OAOAST.com for the latest news of the Lethal Rumble, official participants as they are announced. We've got our first announcements right now as it happens. And the first announcement, a big one for the rest of the Rumble field, because all FIVE members of Cucaracha Internacional are in. That's Six Man Tag Team Champions Nathaniel Black, James Blonde and Faqu, US Champion Todd Cortez and former World Champion Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix, all in the Lethal Rumble. COACH 5/30. I like those odds! COLE ...well when you put it that way it's not so great, but in a match where it's every man for himself, it could be a huge advantage for Cucaracha Internacional. Or, with recent tensions, it could go spectacularly wrong! In addition to that, one more name officially in the hat... Bohemoth, "The Meterosexual Monster", who at 6'7 and two hundred, eighty four pounds has to be considered one of the odds on favourites! More announcements in the coming days, stay tuned to OAOAST.com and make sure to tune in to Syndicated this week, Lethal Rumble Qualifying Matches to take place this weekend!

My good friend Toxxic will be hosting a seminar on the true effects of global warming involving something about the equator and the sea getting colder, or something, in this very thread within the next few days. Stay tuned!

COLE Okay, as you may have seen reported on OAOAST.com, this past weekend an unfortunate incident took place in Manchester at a McDonalds restaurant between two OAOAST employees. But I'm sure while names of usual suspects such as The Deadly Alliance and The Enterprise would have come to mind to many, very few of our OAOAST Marks would have guessed that those involved would be, of all people, Melody Nerdly and OAOAST Women's Champion Jade Rodez-Duncan. Now that a thorough investigation has been carried out by OAOAST officials in accordance with the local police force, we can now show you footage of the incident from inside of the restaurant which has stunned the OAOAST locker room. Let's take a look. COACH Since when was McDonalds a 'restaurant'!? Damn boy, you must have low standards, no wonder you ain't gettin' no dates! In a rarity for the OAOAST our coverage comes via store CCTV footage which is focused on the counter of the McDonalds outlet in question. In the futhermost left of the screen stand Melody Nerdly and OAOAST Women's Champion Jade Rodez-Duncan, patiently waiting to be served their order. Luckily it's not too busy inside, so we can still hear what they're saying. No sign of any problems yet as they chatter amongst themselves happily enough. MELODY ...says she can shoot electricity out of her hands? What the hell is that all about? JADE Yeah. Weird. So, you like my new top then? Jade opens up her pink track jacket. The camera is behind them which isn't exactly helpful, but we can only assume it's a very nice looking top. MELODY Hmmm. Not quite as cool as my Silver Surfer shirt, but yeah, I like it okay. Is it designer? JADE Yup. It should have been $200 but, I got it for $140. MELODY Ooh, a bargain. Was it a sale? JADE Oh no, I just told them who I was and they let me have it cheaper. MELODY Oh. Okay. An slightly awkward silence emerges between the two. In front of them, one of the McDonalds employees appears with their food and places the tray on the counter before heading off to sort out the drinks. MELODY So, anyway, what movie are we seeing? JADE Oh, I don't mind. I'm... not really a movie buff, so anything'll do for me. You're more an expert than I am. MELODY No, that's Molly. I'm Melody. Jade chuckles and everything's okay between the two again. It's then that Jade takes a look inside her packaging though and when the employee returns with their drinks, Jade glances up from her meal. JADE Excuse me? Yeah, I asked for no lettuce on this. Handing the food back indignantly Jade stands there and waits for the employee to go and get her another without saying another word. JADE GAWD, these people! MELODY Uh... first of all, these people, they're kinda my people. Besides, I'm sure it was just a simple mistake... JADE Yeah but I specifically said no lettuce. IE., a request. Not a suggestion. If I didn't mind lettuce, I wouldn't have said no lettuce and just let them make the decision for me, but I do mind, so I did. If they can't listen properly they shouldn't be working in a job that requires them to listen and act based on what I, the customer, tell them. MELODY It's just a bit of lettuce Jade. Not really worth making a fuss about, dontcha think? JADE That's not the point. If I want something, I expect to get it. As I ask for it. Not quite understanding what Jade's big problem is Melody puts her hands on her hips and looks at her friend wondering what's gotten into her. JADE ...what? MELODY I'm just tryin' to figure out what crawled up your BUTT all of a sudden. I just don't get what the big deal is. Couldn't you have just taken it off once we sat down or something? JADE I guess. But the point is, they shou... Suddenly, a metallic and muffled sounding version of "Hot N Cold" by Katy Perry can be heard. Holding up a finger to encourage her friend to hang on a second Jade reaches into her back pocket of her jeans and unflips her cellphone. JADE Hello? ..... Oh HEY Miley, what's up? ..... Nah, I'm not up to much, just grabbing a bite to eat. Suffice is to say, Melody looks offended at what she percieves as rude behaviour, to take a phonecall in mid-conversation. JADE ..... Yeah. ..... Yeah. ..... Uh-huh. ..... Oh, they put lettuce in it. ..... Yeah I KNOW, what is UP with that? I totally asked for no lettuce but do they listen? Of course not! ..... Yeah, I did. ..... Nah, they're getting me another one right now. MELODY *ahem* JADE I dunno. ..... Hehehe, I know! ..... Oh, totally, totally. MELODY *AHEM* JADE (glances up) Uh, listen, is there any chance I can call you back, now's not a cool time. ..... Okay, talk to you soon hun! See ya! (closes phone) MELODY Okay, that's it. JADE What's the matter? Don't tell me they got your order wrong too. MELODY No, it's you. Not sure what Melody means, Jade looks confused. MELODY Okay, I didn't want to say anything, but lately you've been... not yourself. JADE What are you talking about? With tension rising the employee returns with the corrected food, wisely deciding not to speak up about it for fear of getting involved in the budding arguement. MELODY Well first of all you turned your nose up at my suggestion of taking the bus and insisted we get a taxi instead. Like you've got some sort of problem with public transport. Then you blanked that girl handing out leaflets at the mall. I used to do that job when I was in high school to earn myself some extra money cause I was saving up for a Mega Drive and people like that make it a super harsh job, okay? Now you're bitching out people for putting lettuce on your food? Come on, the Jade I know wouldn't do that. JADE What's that supposed to mean!? MELODY Well... I dunno. JADE No, if you've got something to say I'd rather you say it. MELODY Okay... well... lately, like ever since New Year, you've kinda been acting like a bit of a spoilt bitch. JADE :O MELODY And I'm not a real big fan of [i]that[/i] you, so as a friend I'm asking you what the deal is. Cause to be honest, I don't know if I wanna be hanging around with you if you keep acting like your Mom. There, I said it. A little guilty at being that real from out behind the comfort of her computer screen, Melody picks up her box of Chicken McNuggets off of the tray and has one to calm her nerves. JADE [i]Excuse me!?[/i] My Mom is not a spoilt bitch! And neither am I! Take it back! MELODY (still chewing) I stand by my comments. Scowling at the slight of her family Jade starts to breath heavier, clearly fuming inside. And eventually she SEES RED and KNOCKS MELODY'S MCNUGGETS OUT OF HER HAND AND ONTO THE GROUND~!!!! MELODY :O JADE ...oh my God, I'm sorry! Melody stares agape at the McNuggets scattered on the floor, hand frozen in place. Looking genuinely apologetic Jade tries to find the words to make it better. But Melody doesn't want to hear it. With Jade still stunned at herself, Melody reaches over to the tray again... *SPLASH* ...AND DUMPS A CHOCOLATE SHAKE OVER JADE'S FRONT!!!!!! JADE :O Looking down at her now ruined top, Jade is even more stunned now. And seconds later the two friends lunge at each other AND START TUSSLING, PULLING AT EACH OTHER'S HAIR AND SHRIEKING LIKE BANSHEES!!!! Quickly the employees behind the counter rush out front to pull the girls apart before they can come to proper blows. Other customers look on open mouthed in horror as Melody keeps kicking out long after Jade is out of reach. Melody shrugs her fellow internet dwelling spotty teenagers off and insists "I'M COOL, I'M COOL" before disappearing out of camera shot and presumably outside. Left behind is Jade, her pink track jacket and the expensive top she blagged $60 off of now stained with chocolate milk, not to mention her hair looking a real mess from being pulled at. [b](BACK TO THE ARENA)[/b] COACH ...that it? COLE That was it. Very unsavoury scenes there and very out of character from both. OAOAST officials have reprimanded both ladies for their actions and were sent home this week to, for the lack of a better term, think about what they've done. However, the bad blood apparantly still stands as just signed for AnglePalooza at the behest of both ladies, Jade Rodez-Duncan defends her Women's Title one on one against Melody Nerdly! COACH No, seriously... was that it? COLE Yes, that was it. COACH What a letdown. The way they talked it up on the website you'd have thought somebody'd ripped one of the seats out and taken it to somebody's eye. Instead we get some slapped McNuggets and a spilt drink. Neither of them even threw a slap! This is why I hate the internet. Nothing but false promises. COLE That's a story I'd rather not explore further.