King Cucaracha

Backstage, we find a contented looking Jade Rodez-Duncan walking the hallways with her recently retained Women's Title around her shoulder. Jade hums away to herself as she pours herself a coffee from the concession table. But the humming stops and she suddenly freezes up, as a familar face pitches up next to her. And over her. Jade quickly puts down the coffee jug before her shaking hand spills any, before smiling up at BOHEMOTH, who lowers his orange-tinted sunglasses. BOHEMOTH Done with that? JADE ...uh... go ahead! Bo picks up the coffee jug himself, while Jade uses the coffee to hide the look on her face. She just about disguises the fact she burns her mouth taking a sip too. Good girl! BOHEMOTH Listen, congratulations. You did great out there tonight. JADE Oh, well, thanks. It was nothing special really. BOHEMOTH I dunno about that. I enjoyed it. Then again, it's about time that bitch got what's coming to her, whatever her name is this week. JADE Heh, yeah. Finishing pouring his coffee, Bo picks up a muffin to go with it. BOHEMOTH Anyway, Happy New Year. Bo leans forward and gives Jade a PECK ON THE CHEEK, much to her clear surprise, before re-lowering his sunglasses and walking off! Struggling not to hyper-ventilate Jade manages to play it cool until he's out of sight before her jaw suddenly drops. COLE Boy, 2009 just keeps getting better and better for Jade, doesn't it? Did that really just happen? COACH Jealous much?

BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the NEW YEAR'S KNOCKOUT, for the OAOAST Women's Championship! Two women will start the match and eliminations will occur by pinfall, submission, disqualification or by count-out. The last woman standing will be the OAOAST Women's Champion! Introducing at this time, the participants. Fallout Boy's cover of "Beat It" fires up first, bringing out the OAOAST's chief Fallout Boy fan (that includes the band, the Simpsons character and the resulting comic series), Melody Nerdly. Melody's wrestling tights of choice for the night are black, lined with green '0' and '1' computer code. BUFFER First, eminating from The Fortress Of Nerdlytude... "THE GAME GENIE"... MMMEEEEELLLLLLOOOOOODDYYYY... NNEEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLYYYYYYY!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" As Melody climbs to the top ring step and strikes a superheroic pose, "Slide Away" by Oasis hits. BUFFER Introducing next, from Providence, Rhode Island. She represents Cucaracha Internacional... MMMMEEEEEEGGAAAAAANN... SSSSSKKYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Megan shadow-boxes on her way to the ring. Standing on opposite sides of the ring, Megan and Melody shoot glares at each other. Meanwhile, "Renegade" by Jay-Z and Eminem plays out Nerdly number two, Melissa. BUFFER Representing The Deadly Alliance, from The Bronx, by way of Edmonton, Alberta Canada... MMMEEEELLLLLIIIISSSSSSAAAAAA... NNEEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLYYYYYYY!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Melissa takes a position on the outside as well, as another in the parade of Nerdlys makes her way out. To the sounds of Lupe Fiasco's "Superstar", Molly Nerdly heads to the ring still sadly missing her once trusty Siclopse. BUFFER Next, also from Edmonton, Alberta Canada but fighting out of New York University... MMMMOOOOOLLLLLYYYYYYYY... NNEEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLYYYYYYY!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Next to hit is "Crushcrushcrush" by Paramore to a big cheer from the crowd. Bounding out through the smoke, Maggie Nerdly throws out heavy doses of "RAWK" to all. On the way down the aisle she tosses her bouqet of black flowers into the crowd, caught by a balding man who presumably isn't next in line for anything except collecting his dole money. BUFFER From Edmonton, Alberta Canada, she is a former OAOAST Women's Champion and YOUR It Girl on the scene... ladies and gentlemen, MMAAAAAAAAGGIIIIIEEEEEEE... NNEEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLYYYYYYY!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Sliding into the ring, Maggie climbs the turnbuckles and salutes the fans. COLE All eight women drew lots before the show to determine what order they'd enter this gauntlet style match. And drawing the short straws were the two former Women's Champions in the field, Holly and Maggie Nerdly, who will start this match off. And speaking of Holly, it's she who emerges next as "Another Body Murdered" hits. Sour-faced as ever Holly stalks to the ring, pulling her arm angrily away from the reach of fans who try to reach out and tag her. BUFFER Hailing from Las Vegas, Nevada... another former OAOAST Women's Champion, she is "THE ANGEL OF DEATH"... HHHHOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Still stood staring at those same over-zealous fans, Holly eventually pulls herself away to head to the ring. As she and Maggie are kept apart by the referee assigned to the in-ring action, Charles Robinson, "Sex And Money" plays. It's a case of new name but same reaction, as boos follow the newly re-christened Lorelei DeCenzo on her walk to the ring. BUFFER Representing The Enterprise... "THE MONEY HONEY"... she is [i]LLLLLOOORRRRRREEEEELLLLEEEEEEIIIIIII[/i]... DDEEECCCEEEEEEEENNZZZZZZOOOOOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits, to a BIG reaction. No, I mean SUPER BIG. Okay, she may have officially re-located from Detroit. But clearly family ties still run deep as Jade is welcomed like a homecoming hero all the same as she bounds through the entrance way. And in return, Jade greets the fans with the exuberance of a homecoming hero, pumping her fists in the air on both sides of the stage. The excited Women's Champion jogs to the ring and even a small confrontation with Lorelei can't wipe the smile from her face. BUFFER And finally, she now resides in Los Angeles, California! The second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is the reigning and defending OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... "LITTLE MISS DETROIT"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COACH Little Miss Detroit!? Oh Jade, kiss goodbye to that inheritence. COLE Well if you're going to risk your life, might as well be when the potential killer has a concussion. Let's hope it worked. Greeting the fans on her way with her newly honed Duncan public relations skills, Jade pitches up in friendly territory next to Melody. Lorelei, Melissa, Megan, Molly, Melody and Jade now surround the ring with only Melody and Jade making anything approaching communication. As Jade passes away her Women's Champion, attentions now turn to the ring where Holly and Maggie continue to wait in opposite corners. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Alright, here we go. Maggie and Holly to start and when one woman is eliminated, they'll be replaced by the next competitor. It's winner stays on with high-stakes, the Women's Title goes to the last woman standing. With the sounding of the bell we're underway, with Maggie quick to get the crowd a-clapping. The rhythmic sound ends quickly though, as when Maggie squares up to Holly she gets slapped to the canvas. Holly gives the crowd the 'up yours' gesture to show what she thinks of their clapping. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Picking Maggie up, Holly slaps her across the face again. And a second time. Holly then shoots Maggie across into a corner. Taking her time following up costs Holly and her nonchalant charge into the corner is met with two boots from Maggie up into the chest! Holly rolls through to her feet and Maggie knocks her down with a back elbow attack. Back up, Holly takes a clothesline. And then a dropkick, forcing Holly to retreat from the Nerdly firecracker! COLE Oh yeah! Maggie Nerdly all fired up! COACH Maybe if she showed this much passion to Leon they'd still be together. COLE WHAT!? COACH I've heard stories. COLE You've heard nothing but the results of talking out of your ass. Shut up. Holly backs away on her knees into a corner. Maggie looks to press home her advantage but falls right into Holly's trap, the veteran pulling her down with a double legsweep and putting her feet on the ropes... 1... 2... With a little help from Jade and Melody, referee Robinson notices the feet on the ropes and makes Holly break her pinfall. COLE Holly almost stole this fall but those on the outside weren't going to stand for that. Holly curses being caught out, but mainly curses Jade and Melody for doing the catching. She directs her abuse at them and even SPITS at the Women's Champion who just about weaves out of the way. Referee Chad Patton keeps order on the floor, while Holly's distraction is punished by a Maggie Nerdly schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! First up, Holly cuts Maggie off with a kick to the gut. COLE If Holly or Maggie are to leave Detroit with the Women's Title, they're going to have to win seven straight matches, so the quicker they can get this first one out of the way, obviously the better. COACH That's not Holly's style though. Clearly not. Holly takes longer admiring the results of her kick than actually following up on it and when she goes for an irish whip, it's easily reversed by Maggie. As Holly rebounds Maggie leaves her feet with a clothesline to knock her down. Maggie jumps back up and throws out that RAWK to cheers from the fans. Hitting the ropes herself, Maggie looks for another clothesline, but is thwarted by a two handed shove from Holly. As Maggie rolls back to her feet Holly loads up her own clothesline... [i]"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAIIIIIIIII!!!!"[/i] ...and the rock bitch gets the SCREMO treatment, sending her reeling away with ringing eardrums. COLE Now Holly knows how we all feel having to listen to The Heavenly Rockers! COACH Again, if Maggie made some more noises like that maybe things'd be different. I'm just sayin'. COLE Please stop "sayin'". With Holly dis-orientated, Maggie gets her flying clothesline. Maggie then subjects Holly to some Rick Rolling and goes for the cover... 1... 2... No! As Maggie charges again, Holly cuts her off with a knee to the gut, then uses two handfuls of hair to throw her down to the canvas. Scowling, Holly eventually stops rubbing her jaw as Maggie starts to try and sit up. Grabbing hold of her by the wrists the scowl on Holly's face intensifies as she pulls Maggie up a little, then STOMPS her back into the canvas!! COLE Ooh! That was nasty! The back of Maggie's head, just driven into the mat with that reverse curbstomp! Maggie's sisters cringe on the outside... well, Melody and Molly do, Melissa manages a smile at her sis's misfortunes because she's cruel like that. But the other two cringe as Maggie holds her head in pain. Holly takes this time to stroll around a little, picking her spot for a stomp to the back of the head. And then a second. Slowly, Holly brings Maggie up by the hair and throws her face-first into the turnbuckles, delivering a couple more stomps before being reprimanded by the referee. Not bothered at all, the blasé Holly ignores the ref and pulls Maggie out of the corner, then punches her right in the face. COLE Holly is just mean, plain and simple. COACH Yeah, great ain't it? Down goes Maggie in a heap holding her face. Showing her typical levels of compassion, Holly pulls her up by the hair and delivers another slap. Holly then turns to the crowd, twirling the finger. COACH There it is, the international sign for the Percussion DDT! By the time Holly puts on the front facelock though, Maggie is recovered enough to run her opponent backwards into the turnbuckles! Backing up Melody then takes her over with the Backflip Northern Lights Suplex, better known as the Swagger Jacker!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE What a move that was, this could do it for Holly! Leg hooked... 1... 2... NO! COACH Nah, Holly's as tough as they come. Takes more than that to put her down. I hear the same about Maggie actually, which might be why her romance wit... COLE Enough! Maggie gets over the surprise of the close 2 count just in time to grab Holly for the Hammerlock DDT... but Holly counters, spinning out and pulling Maggie into a knee to the ribs. Underhooking both arms, Holly shows a rare moment of directness as she quickly plants Maggie forward into the mat with the Angel's Wings!! COLE What a recovery from Holly, she really planted Maggie with that one. Back to not caring, Holly makes a very relaxed pin... 1... 2... 3!!! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, MAGGIE NERDLY has been ELIMINATED! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And that suddenly, Maggie is gone. Holly's a dangerous competitor when she can be bothered. As Holly shoves Maggie away from the ring, she's replaced by sister number two as Molly enters. The unpaid intern doesn't take the cheap option of attacking Holly while her back is turned and pays for it as Holly cuts off her attempts to lock-up with a raised knee. Holly clubs Molly over the back with a couple of forearms, then throws her into the turnbuckles. COLE Holly and Molly, this could get confusing. COACH Are you kidding? Compared to the endless sea of sisters that keep miraculously popping up this is like calling Woody Allen fighting 50 Cent. Actually that's a good character comparison I stumbled on too. Go me! Holly stomps a mini-mudhole into Molly's chest, before sending her for the ride corner to corner. Not so much charging as wandering, Holly misses on her follow-up elbow in the corner though. Molly strikes her in the chest with forearms, then sends Holly back to the corner they came from and produces a Boxoffice Bust in the corner! Winded, Holly falls into a hiptoss and a cover... 1... 2... No! COACH A hiptoss? Really? Come on now. COLE Well she did hit the avalanche beforehand. But, yeah, that was more than a little hopeful. COACH Forget being an unpaid intern, I hope Molly's also being treated as an unpaid wrestler if that's anything to go by. Otherwise we need to look at our hiring policies. Staying on the attack, Molly clubs away on Holly as she climbs back up. Holly cuts her off with another kneelift and actually stops in mid-match to put her hands on her hips out of frustration. Once she's portrayed her mood enough, The Angel Of Death hooks up the arms and prepares to deliver the Angel's Wings on Nerdly sister number two. Molly fights her way free though and doubles up Holly with a kick, applying her own double underhook. Holly fights out just as quickly, shoving Molly backwards towards a corner. Not connecting, Molly stops short and tells Holly to bring it. And Holly does, throwing a very elaborate clothesline, which Molly very easily counters into a schoolgirl... 1... 2... 3!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH What!? COLE Take your taunts back Coach, because the unpaid intern just pinned a former Women's Champion in the middle of this ring! BUFFER HOLLY has been ELIMINATED! Looking shocked, once the reality sinks in Holly slaps the ring with frustration. As she rolls out of the ring Lorelei tries to console her, but Holly is pissed and just storms off cussing up a storm. COLE Holly was too cool for her own good and she took the Oscar Bait served up by Molly Nerdly. And now, look at this, it's going to be Nerdly versus Nerdly because in comes Melody next! Sisters square up as it's Molly and Melody paired off. Hopping on her heels an eager Melody initiates a lock-up and the two sisters struggle for position before Melody sneaks behind with a waistlock. After an initial look of confusion, Molly reverses into her own waistlock though. MELODY Hey, is that Martin Scorcese in the third row!? MOLLY *gasps* Where!? With Molly distracted Melody reverses the waistlock and Molly soon realises she's been duped. He was actually in the fifth row. "LET'S GO NERD - LY!" [i]"LET'S GO NERD - LY!"[/i] "LET'S GO NERD - LY!" [i]"LET'S GO NERD - LY!"[/i] COLE This crowd split right down the middle... uh, sort of. Unable to find an escape this time Molly backs up and drives Melody back into a corner. Molly then grabs hold of Melody's arm, whipping her across the ring. But Melody avoids another Boxoffice Bust by sidestepping Molly's corner charge. Melody leaves the ring and heads to the top rope quickly, getting there just before Molly can regain her feet and taking off bringing both knees down to drive Molly backwards!! COLE It Came From The Top Rope! Melody jumps back to her feet, then dives on top for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Melody realising she needs to get some quick pinfalls, some quick eliminations to aid her hopes of leaving as Women's Champion and become the third family member to hold that honour. COACH Hmm, I guess third out of fourty six ain't bad. Melody hits a snap suplex and tries another quick cover... 1... 2... No. Coming off the ropes Melody throws a dropkick, which is swatted aside. Molly grabs Melody in a side headlock as she gets up. Going to the ribs, Melody shoots the Little Hitchcock off to the ropes but gets gets knocked down on the rebound by a shoulder tackle. COLE These two of course know each other very well. COACH Are you kidding? The size of their family they probably didn't get within six sisters of each other at any point in their lives! COLE Well they're certainly getting well-acquainted tonight. Molly hits the ropes again, but Melody is waiting with a two handed thrust to the chest! MELODY HADUKEN~! COLE FIREBALL TO THE STOMACH! OH THE HUMANITY! With Molly doubled over from the devestating video-game attack, Melody goes up and over with a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Molly catches Melody with a jawbreaker on the way up, then sends her for an irish whip. As she lifts Melody looking for a sideslam though, Melody is able to swing up and around the back. Taking hold of Molly's head she then drops out with a Diving Reverse DDT! COLE Melody taking a trip to the darkside with The Imperial Death Drop. 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And that'll do it for Molly! BUFFER MOLLY NERDLY has been ELIMINATED! As soon as the three is counted, Melissa Nerdly jumps into the ring and attacks Melody from behind giving her no chance to relax! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Things just got Deadlier, Michael. COLE Melissa wasting no time in going on the attack on her older sister. Melissa mounts the back of her sister and strikes her with punches to the back of the neck, before pulling her up for a crossface strike! Another cruel blow is delivered before referee Robinson steps in to call her off. Naturally Melissa has a go at the referee while Melody crawls to the ropes looking for a reprieve. COLE First time we've seen Melissa in OAOAST competition, usually serving her purpose as Reject's arm candy. And I'm sure she's far from popular here in Detroit considering her past discretions with one Leon Rodez. COACH He had it coming. Besides, Melissa's more than arm candy. She was always the ambitious one of the family, always the one who was willing to do whatever it took to succeed in life. In a ruthless way, not the work-shy shortcut way most of her sisters have taken. With Melody backed against the ropes, Melissa grabs the top for leverage as she fires a roundhouse kick across Melody's chest cavity. And then a second. COACH Nice flexibility. Always good to see. Staggering away from the ropes, Melody is tracked by Melissa but wheels around with a forearm shot! Melissa is initially stunned, but fires back with a right hand. Another forearm from Melody. Another right hand from Melissa. Breaking the sequence, Melissa shoves Melody back a step and takes advantage of her being off balance by delivering a clothesline. Fed up with the abuse of the crowd Melissa turns away and sneers their way before getting into an arguement with a section in front of her. "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" "YOU SUCK!" Melissa looks outraged and tries to take her frustrations out on her sister by trapping her in a Texas Cloverleaf... but Melody has long since recovered and kicks her away. COLE A little loss of concentration by Melissa, could it prove costly? Landing on her BUTT, Melissa kicks her feet having a mini-tantrum before stomping back to her feet. She throws another clothesline, but Melody ducks underneath and hooks up on the arms, then angles Melissa down with the Backslide Driver! COLE It certainly looks that way, Sega Mega Driver connects. With Melissa dazed, Melody hooks her up with a knee in the back of the head and a hold of the far arm, falling back and THAT JUST HAPPENED!! A cheer goes up of genuine delight as Melody covers her sister up... 1... 2... 3!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" BUFFER MELISSA NERDLY has been ELIMINATED! COLE Melody Nerdly eliminating two of her sisters in quick succession, the first lady in this match to get some momentum going with a couple of victories. And I have to say I'm very impressed with Melody. She has been a revelation in the past month or two, long-gone are the days of Melody being our most pointless employee. Sorry Coach. As Melody gets back on her toes, it's Megan Skye who's the next entrant. Megan takes her time about getting involved though, hoping some of that momentum will evaporate in the time she takes to climb the ring steps. COLE Half the field gone, we're down to four. Melody and Megan who met one on one four weeks ago with Melody coming out on top, plus Lorelei DeCenzo and the Women's Champion herself still to enter. Jade at least experiencing some luck of the draw, this could have been a VERY tough prospect if she'd entered second or third. COACH She's still got some work to do though. Melody's time's running out, but there's still Megan and there's still Lorelei. With Jade and Lorelei looking on, Megan faces up to Melody. The two recent rivals in both management and in-ring action exchange some words, or in Melody's case some e-words, which are more acronyms than words really. They're also kinda confusing, which allows Melody to get the first shot in on Megan. The two exchange forearm for forearm until Megan gets in a good one and forces Melody back a step. Megan then swings with a punch, but Melody ducks it and hooks hold of Skye's arms, setting her up for the Backslide Driv... NO. Megan squirms free and shoves Melody into the ropes. A baseball slide puts Melody through her opponent's legs, but a mule kick catches her once she's back up. COLE Megan so dangerous with her hands and her feet with that kickboxing background. Turning Melody around Megan looks to take her up for a back suplex, but Melody floats all the way over and lands on her feet. Megan throws a clothesline, but Melody rolls underneath it, Lara Croft style. On one knee, Melody then catches Megan with a Claude Van Damme esque punch to the stomach! COACH I guess that'd be Melody's nerd-fu background? Melody stays frozen in position after her punch, but her tribute to any bad kung-fu B-movie doesn't pay, as Megan shrugs off the effects of the punch with Melody still in mid-pose... AND KICKS HER IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH HA-HA! You have much to learn, young grasshopper. Cover by Megan... 1... 2... NO! COLE Give Melody credit though, showing plenty of resiliance to kick out. Throwing Melody into a corner, Megan climbs to the middle rope. With her left leg on the rope, she places her right across the side of Melody's head and starts to SCRAPE the sole of her boot across the Game Genie's face repeatedly! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Megan steps off the ropes with her hands innocently over her head. COLE We've seen Megan do that before and it always makes you cringe. Melody sits in the corner clutching her face and Megan hits her across the midsection with a hard kick. Pulling her to her feet, Megan puts Melody's face into the top turnbuckle and then backs away across the ring, charging in with a corner elbow smash. As Melody falls to her knees Megan steps right over her to the middle rope and waves her opponent up. COACH Tornado DDT, coming up. Jade instinctively tries to warn her friend as Megan lies in wait. To her feet, Melody looks dazed and starts to stagger towards Megan... but suddenly springs to life... MELODY SHORYUKEN~! ...but Megan DODGES THE LEAPING PALM STRIKE!! COLE Megan had it scouted! As Melody lands, Megan comes off the middle rope with a clothesline right to the back of the head! Melody's face skids off the canvas and she looks to be out of it as Megan flips her over and hooks a leg... 1... 2... NO! COLE Four weeks ago Megan tasted that palm strike and this time she was ready. But still, not able to finish Melody off just yet! "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" The Detroit crowd get behind Mellow Yellow. But Megan looks to silence them, lining up the CHICK KIC... ...DUCKED! Melody again hooks up for a backslide, but Megan turns free and sends Melody into the ropes. She then ducks her head for a backdrop, but pays the price as Melody places the knee AND PULLS MEGAN DOWN WITH THAT JUST HAPPENED!! COLE Out of nowhere, she got her! 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE [i]Three straight[/i] for Melody Nerdly! BUFFER MEGAN SKYE has been ELIMINATED! Despite getting the fall Melody stays down suffering from her efforts so far. As Megan is rolled out of the ring, attentions then turn to the outside. And to a roaring response from the crowd it's JADE who is motioned into the ring. COLE Wow, how about this! The Women's Champion is in and she's in against her best friend Melody, who's just picked up three straight victories and is really rolling so far. How ironic would it be if Melody were to pin Jade and be responsible for her losing the Women's Title? COACH Hey I'd like to see it. Either way, this sets things up perfectly for Lorelei. Fantastic. Jade is understandably cautious about getting the fall underway and instead checks to see if Melody is okay. She insists she is and accepts Jade's help to get to her feet. The two friends soon realise they're opponents though, which neither seems all that comfortable with. Robinson signals for them to compete and Lorelei DEMANDS they do, eager to see her two potential opponents tear each other apart. Not looking sure what to do, Jade looks around the fans who are urging her on. And eventually she and Melody slap hands in a sign of respect before circling around the ring. COLE Alright we're going to see it. Looking weary, Melody goes for the quick victory as she surprises Jade with a leg trip and stacks her on her shoulders... 1... 2... No! Back up and Melody goes for a schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! Trying to fend off her high-energy challenger Jade finds herself retreating and doesn't want to get cornered, so lashes out with a forearm. She catches Melody perfectly and after all the shots she's taken already, Melody hits the mat, to Jade's initial shock. COLE Jade is clearly not comfortable fighting her friend here. COACH She'd better get comfortable with it and quick. If she loses the Women's Title, Krista won't be happy. If she loses it and the expence of [i]friendship[/i], how pissed is Krista gonna be!? Jade looks apologetic as Melody recovers, but realises she has to stay on her opponent, friend or not. Even so, she's hesitant as she executes a DDT. Cover by Jade... 1... 2... No! After helping Melody up the Women's Champion hooks her up for another DDT. Melody lands a shot to the gut though. And a second. After two "OW"s Jade strikes back with a shot to Melody's back just out of irritance. But Melody suddenly shrugs Jade off of her, then WALLOPS her in the face with a Big Boot! "OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Doesn't look like Melody's got too many problems fighting a friend. She's sneaky, see. Just ask Maggie. If it weren't for her, she and Leon would still be together and that's fact. COLE You've changed your tune. Melody makes the pin... 1... 2... NO! The Detroit fans applaud Jade, getting to her feet nursing her jaw. Melody takes a hold of an arm and looks for an irish whip, but Jade reverses. Into the turnbuckles goes Melody and Jade proves she's Always Thinking Of The Little People by using Leon's double knees in the corner! Jade rubs her jaw again as she sets her opponent up on the turnbuckles. The Women's Champion turns her back trying to grab hold of the arms. Melody fights her off though and delivers a slightly comical but nonetheless effective tomahawk chop across the top of the head. COLE There's more of that... unorthodox offence. Jade lets out another "OW" and holds her head. Adjusting her feet, Melody comes off the middle rope with a sunset flip attempt... but Jade hooks the legs and drops to her knees to counter... 1... 2... 3!!! COLE Got her, great counter move! BUFFER MELODY NERDLY has been ELIMINATED! With another apologetic look, Jade makes no celebration and instead helps Melody up as she looks hopefully at the referee. It's all cool between the two though, nice and understanding. Unfortunately, it's all broken up by Lorelei DeCenzo, who barges Jade from behind, causing her and Melody to clock heads! COLE Hey, come on! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lorelei dumps Melody out of the ring, then stomps away on Jade to sounds of derision. COLE Well we're now down to two, Jade Rodez-Duncan the Women's Champion and Lorelei DeCenzo. This New Year's Knockout is now for all intents and purposes a regular one fall Women's Title match, except for the few minutes Jade was in with Melody. That and the sneak attack from Lorelei. A confident look appears on Lorelei's face as the referee breaks up her attack and gives her a warning. Once that's shrugged off, Lorelei pounces on Jade by pinning her in the corner and putting the Tramp Stamp on her with shoulder thrusts into the kidney area. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" Lorelei backs off long enough to appease the referee again, then drags Jade out of the corner. Two clubbing shots to the back leave Jade hurting, allowing Lori to come off the ropes and ram a knee into the lower back. As Jade goes down, Lorelei pounces again as she applies a Camel Clutch. COLE The ruthless Money Honey in aggressive mood tonight. COACH She knows Jade can be intimidated and overwhelmed. So that's exactly what she's gonna do. The support of the crowd wills Jade to fight the Camel Clutch and she starts to push up. Lorelei cuts her off with a stomp to the back though. Flipping Jade onto her back Lorelei then drops the Moneymoon across the chest and demands a count... 1... 2... Jade kicks out! But as soon as she does, the Camel Clutch is re-applied by the relentless Lorelei! COLE Again focusing on the back, just trying to pick apart Jade. But we know by now from everything she went through last year, Jade is made of tough stuff. COACH Bones are made of pretty tough stuff too. They still break. Observe. Refusing to give in Jade tries to fight again, the crowd instantly getting behind her. COLE And this crowd solidly in Jade's corner. COACH They do realise she doesn't live here anymore, don't they? COLE Hey, when you spend all season supporting the Lions, you take what you can get I suppose. COACH When you're making Jade look like a hope for your city, you know you suck. Jade struggles her way to her knees and forces Lorelei to release the hold, jamming her knee into the small of Jade's back again. Scoop and a slam follows. Pitching up next to Jade, Lorelei infuriates the Detroit fans by digging a grave for their hero, then goes so far as to SPIT on the imaginary grave, before she drops the leg. COLE Gold Digger, and the cover... 1... 2... No! Bearhug is applied from Lorelei this time as Jade starts to try and get back up. Lorelei applies the hold from the side putting the squeeze on the ribs and leaving the hurting Women's Champion slumped over, energy being sapped. There's still no quit in Jade yet though. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" With Jade starting to struggle, Lorelei again looks to cut her off before she can mount a comeback. She runs Jade back into the turnbuckles before re-applying her bearhug again. Jade cringes and slumps again for a few seconds, before getting another surge. Lorelei feels it and goes to run Jade in again, but Jade turns it so that Lorelei ends up hitting the turnbuckles instead. And with Lorelei momentarily stunned, Jade comes to life with a sudden flurry of wild punches!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" After taking a half dozen shots, Lorelei manages to cut Jade off by elbowing her in the midsection. Lori then grabs the hem of Jade's cheerleader skirt and yanks her forward into a sternum first collision with the turnbuckles. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lorelei pulls Jade down across a knee, then hooks her up for a cover... 1... 2... NO! COLE I have to say, Lorelei is looking dominant so far. But so many times we've seen Jade in seemingly dire situations and come back. And it's that fire and that heart and that desire that's won over the OAOAST Marks, not just in Detroit or LA, but around the world. Picking Jade up, Lorelei clubs her in the back and then puts the badmouth on her. Which proves a mistake, as when Lorelei pulls her up again she gets SOCKED in the mouth with a hard slap! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" As Lorelei shakes it off and looks for some payback, Jade paws her with an open left hand. Then paws her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360 and knocks Lorelei down with a big clothesline! COLE And here... comes... Jade! Shaken up, Lorelei walks right into a forearm strike. A second. And a third. Jade whips her into a corner and delivers the Rodez favourite DOUBLE KNEES in the turnbuckles! Getting a run-up, Jade then delivers a second dose of DOUBLE KNEES! The crowd are fired up and so too is Jade, growling under her breath as she lines Lorelei up for a THIRD DOUBLE KNEES~! COLE Lorelei has woken something up inside of Jade and now she's paying the price! COACH No no, come on Lori. These Duncans can't keep doing this. As Lorelei stumbles out of the corner she swings weakly with a clothesline attempt, which Jade ducks. Hooking onto Lorelei's arm she applies a cobra clutch and brings her down across the knee with a backbreaker! Leg hook... 1... 2... NO! COLE The newly renamed Lorelei getting an Extreme Hollywood Makeover to go with her new moniker. COACH But she kicked out. How about putting over Lorelei's heart, huh? How about talking about her resiliance? No? COLE The only way I'd describe Lorelei's heart is black. Rolling away from Jade, Lorelei is suddenly struck by forgiveness and tries to beg off from Jade. Jade is not so forgiving, but referee Robinson blocks her path as Lorelei is in between the ropes. The distraction is all Lorelei needs, lunging forward and clipping Jade with a punch to the stomach. The fans boo as their girl lurches forward in pain. After a tap of the brain to show she's smart, Lorelei then hooks Jade up in a uranage, lifting her up only to bring her forward with a gutbuster! COLE A cheapshot and Lorelei back to the ribs again, is she going to steal this one? Lorelei covers... 1... 2... NO!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Lorelei drags Jade up by the hair. Another uranage sets up another gutbuster, again knocking the wind out of Jade! COLE Ungh, another one! And Jade is hurting this time. COACH New Champion Cole. Cover is made... 1... 2... NO!! "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" With a handful of hair again Lorelei stops momentarily to look at the crowd, then makes her point by slapping Jade across the top of the head. And a second time. Jade is too hurt to do anything about the abuse and sensing this, Lorelei lets her go and starts to join the fans in willing her back up with some mocking clapping. COLE Oh, Lorelei is just so arrogant, so disrespectful. COACH She's rich, she can be whatever she wants. And she's also seconds away from becoming the Women's Champion, which is going to make her even richer! Jade fights back to her feet thanks to the support of the fans and not the faux-support of Lorelei. As soon as she's up, Lorelei forgets the mocking and goes in for the kill as she sets Jade up in a uranage again. And after a last insulting word in the ear The Money Honey takes Jade up and brings her do... NO!! JADE COUNTERS WITH A DDT!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Third time was NOT the charm! Both women are back to their feet quickly but both look unsteady. Jade has to use the ropes to pull herself up and breathes heavily resting up against the turnbuckles. Shaking out the cobwebs, Lorelei scowls at the pain the DDT's caused her but still has the energy to charge in... ...but Jade manages to glance behind her, spotting Lorelei coming, in time to step off the bottom rope and float up and over the top! Lorelei hits the turnbuckles chest first and then falls prey to the REVERSE X-FACTOR OUT OF NOWHERE!! COLE GOT IT FROM MY MOMMA, CONNECTS! 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE AND JADE SURVIVES THE NEW YEAR'S KNOCKOUT!!! *DINGDINGDING!* Rolling to her feet, Jade looks surprised for a second before jumping to her feet in celebration. The Detroit crowd go wild for Jade as the Women's Title is passed her way, while Lorelei rolls out of the ring a defeated woman. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, LORELEI DECENZO is the final competitor eliminated... your winner of the New Year's Knockout and STILL OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... JJJJAAAAAADDEEEE... RRRRROOOOOODDEEEEZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE She's done it again Coach. Jade just keeps on proving the doubters wrong, keeps on finding that will to win and remains the Women's Champion! What a start to 2009 it's been after such a rough and volatile 2008. COACH I don't know how she keeps doing it. All I know is I don't like it. Jade climbs the turnbuckles with the Women's Title raised high overhead for her fans. At the foot of the ramp, Lorelei takes a look back and it's far from a happy one, pointing a finger as Jade continues her celebrations. Punching her fists into the air the Women's Champion invites Lorelei to come back into the ring since she's got so much to say, but The Money Honey declines, leaving Jade to stand tall. COLE Emotional scenes here in Detroit as Jade retains her Women's Title in front of this capacity crowd. Will we see similar scenes later tonight when the World Heavyweight Champion, Leon Rodez, defends his title for the very first time here in his hometown? Standing by our broadcast colleague Josh Matthews is with the World Champion. We cut to the New Year's Spectacular interview area, where Leon looks on with pride at the scene unfolding in the ring. Once he realises the camera is on him he soon perks up though, fixing his best on-camera smile and making sure his World Title belt is well in shot. MATTHEWS Victory for one Rodez here in the Motor City, but will the same be said for the other Rodez when tonight is over? Leon, you're going to be defending your World Title for the first time in a matter of minutes. And this must be a special night for you. LEON Special night is putting mildly Josh. This is the night I've been dreaming about my whole entire career. Think about it. New World Heavyweight Champion. First title defence. Hometown crowd in my corner. Big welcome when I come out the curtain. Huge support once the bell rings. Spotlight on bright. It's all set up perfectly for me to go out there and show the world just why I'm the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion by defeating the... uhm... sorry, but, who am I facing again? MATTHEWS Uhm... well... LEON Doesn't matter. Because this... Leon makes the Detroit 'pointing to the spot on his palm' sign. LEON This is all that matters. Whoever Josie's got lined up for this first defence is going to be behind the eight ball the moment they step in the ring, because I'm home. Detroit. Home of the great car manufacturers of these United States. Home of the record breaking Detroit Lions! MATTHEWS ...uhm... you mean the 0-16 Detroit Lions? LEON Record breaking! After a nervous laugh, Leon just sighs. LEON But anyway, that's not important either. What's important is, Detroit's up 1-0 so far tonight, albeit by way of LA. And I'm fully intending on making it 2-0 and by the time tonight's up. Leon pats Josh on the back as he exits.

Alright, I knew picking Boogeyman would pay off. It took the best part of two months, but it paid it off damnit.

Man, fuck this month so far.

Okay, I'm now beyond being amused with theone and he's jumped the shark. I know we're apparantly not supposed to get on the guy's case just because he's new, but it's not that, it's that he's managed to group together everything wrong with certain newbies in one package. His posts in the DVD thread basically saying "I don't buy DVDs coz that's stupid, I just download everything" have tipped the balance because he's just trying to start something at this point. Stereotypical internet opinions on wrestling- check. Sense of self importance means he has to start a fight with everyone he encounters on the board- check. Claims to know someone in the business- check. Thinks that makes him an authority on anything and everything- check. doesn't use the shift key enough making his posts look worse than they are- check. Resorts to homophobic slurs and calling people retards when called on something- check. Everybody else gets drawn in to arguing with him like stupid moths to a big flame of stupid- check. My head hurts- check.

No, he'd be Ashley, because they have roughly the same regard for internet grammar, what with his fear of the Shift key. And their general ability to be really fucking annoying without much effort.

Okay guys, I wanted to keep it quiet, but now it can be told. I'm actually one of the Hardy brothers. Yeah. Now, I don't want to say which one publicly because I want my privacy... plus, shucks, the speculation is half the fun... but if you guys are really interested you can feel free to PM me or something. Peace out.

Main event is in, apologies for the delay, yet more computer related mishaps.

He was clearly limping the Raw after Survivor Series, at the very least.

The Night Before Christmas Twas the night before Christmas And all through the SWF's HQ Not a creature was stirring Apart from a cockroach... “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” The doors bang open and SWF's General Manager Toxxic looks up to see Landon Maddix crashing through them at high speed on a wheeled office chair, ridiculous paper hat on his head and a party streamer parping happily away. Following behind him, looking slightly embarrassed (even though Landon has done far worse in the past) and rocking a paper hat like only a blonde wrestler-cum-model-cum-pinup-on-teenage-boys'-walls can is Megan Skye. “...indeed,” Toxxic says as Maddix comes crashing to a halt – literally – facing the wrong way. “And the same to you.” “C'mon Mike, it's time to put the paperwork away!” Maddix says expansively, “I'm sure it can wait until after the holidays, right?” “It's the last stuff for the New Year's Party show,” Toxxic objects, then sighs. “Hell, it can wait until after Christmas. You've got a knack for making paperwork wait anyway. Me and Amy need to get to O'Haire before long anyway. I'll sort the rest of it out in England.” “Well, since you're going back to good ol' Blighty for Christmas, I thought I'd get you something before you went,” Landon grins, producing a gift-wrapped package from behind his back. “Merry Christmas Mike!” “Has he been drinking?” Toxxic asks Megan, taking the rectangular parcel dubiously. “I have not!” Landon retorts, “I don't need to be drunk to show thoughtfulness at this festive time of year!” He watches as Toxxic takes the parcel, then tuts impatiently. “Go on, open it!” “It's not Christmas Day,” Toxxic points out. “Oh, who cares?” Landon asks expansively, “I'm sure it's Christmas somewhere by now, and otherwise I won't get to see your happy little face!” “You have definitely been drinking,” Toxxic says, but is unable to keep a small smile from his face. “Ok, I guess I'll... oh, cheers Megs.” “Merry Christmas,” Megan smiles, placing a small package on Toxxic's desk. Landon, equalled if not trumped, looks slightly put out. “Very kind of you both,” Toxxic says, “and here's me without anything to give you except...” he opens a desk drawer apparently at random and starts rooting through, then brightens. “Ah!” The Straight-Edge Sensation pulls out two packages of his own, wrapped and addressed to the pair standing in front of him. “I wonder how they got there? Must be Santa at work, right Landon?” “He's a good elf,” Maddix agrees absently, taking his present and shaking it curiously. He reaches into a pocket and pulls out something. “Just incase you thought I forgot you Megs...” he flashes her a wink and pushes the package over to her, then coughs. “I guess my present must be, uh, waiting in our room back at the hotel, eh?” he waggles his eyebrows saucily. “No, it's here,” Megan replies with a small smile, handing yet another package to Landon and watching the Commissioner's face fall slightly, then rise again at the prospect of another gift. “Well gang, I guess we may as well start,” Toxxic says, picking up Landon's present. “On three. One... two...” Landon starts ripping the paper off. “What?” he asks as the other two raise their eyebrows. “Old ring instincts! My shoulder's practically programmed to move before three!” Megan and Toxxic roll their eyes and set to. A few seconds later, each of them have two unwrapped presents in front of them. “'A Cucaracha Christmas',” Toxxic reads without much enthusiasm, “'SWF star Landon Maddix sings twelve classic Christmas hits with the aid of his acoustic guitar, one for every day of Christmas'...” He looks up at the Commissioner. “Good God. I appreciate the thought Landon, but-” “You're welcome, you're welcome!” Maddix beams. “Think yourself lucky, my MySpace has been inundated with orders and I was worried there wouldn't be any left for presents. Just keep the volume down, don't want to disturb the neighbours, do ya?” “I think I'll restrain myself,” Toxxic replies as Landon picks up one of his gifts. “'Finance And Business For Dummies',” La Cucaracha says, then looks over at Toxxic. “Why do I need this?” “Because the bottom's falling out of the global economy, we still haven't recovered the money that Flesher embezzled, we're very much a luxury leisure pursuit in a climate where it's rapidly becoming essentials only for a lot of families, and you're in charge of far too much to do with our cashflow for my liking,” the Englishman replies with a smile. “Enjoy.” “Hey, Megan knows what I like,” Landon grins, holding up a box. “Home cocktail kit!” He fails to notice the quizzical look Toxxic shoots at the Perfect Ten, or the slight shrug he gets in response. “So what did Landon get you, Megs?” Toxxic asks. Megan Skye holds up a box with a slightly surprised and pleased look on her face. “Belgian chocolates. My favourite.” She leans over and pecks Maddix on the cheek. “Thank you.” “Well, thanks for this,” Toxxic says, holding up the 'History Of American Punk' book that Megan gave him, “there's some good stuff in this, I'll bet.” “So what did Mike get you?” Landon asks Megan, looking over. Megan blushes slightly, then holds up a long, thin box. “A... rampant rabbit!?” Maddix asks, shocked, then turns to the General Manager. “...for when you've been at the cocktails,” Toxxic tells him, waving his hands in a dismissive way. “I've heard stories.” “Hey!” Maddix protests, then his eyes narrow. “I just hope it hasn't been... 'test driven' already,” he snickers. Toxxic just cocks an eyebrow at him and waits for the sniggering to stop. This takes a while, and is in fact only brought to a halt by the doors crashing open again, although this time without any paper hats or party streamers. “Oi, Mike!” Amy Stephens says, bouncing in – well, she's mainly stomping, but bits of her are bouncing - “where are ya? We've gotta plane to catch, innit!” “Alright, alright,” Toxxic sighs, “we're just opening presents Ames,” “Cool!” the Punk Rock Princess beams, wandering over. “Whadja get?” “Book and a CD,” her brother replies, holding them up for her to see. “So where's mine?” “In my bag, which is in my hotel room. You'll get yours when we go to The Old Shits' tomorrow,” Toxxic tells her, getting up. “Cool, I 'aven't got yours wimme anyways,” Amy says, then turns to the other two. “An' I must admit, I ain't got you guys nothin'.” “Don't worry about it,” Megan says, holding her hands up, “likewise. To be honest Amy, I didn't even know if we were going to see you before you went back to the UK.” “Yeah well, been sight-seeing innit,” Amy grins, jerking a thumb at her brother, “given that I'm not chasing around after 'is carcass anymore I thought I'd actually see America this time, ya get me?” “So what did you think?” Maddix asks. “Of America, I mean.” Amy ponders this for a second, one eye screwed up. “Fuckin' big. An' the beer's shit.” “Alright guys, have a nice Christmas and New Year, and I'll see you in Nottingham on the 2nd,” Toxxic tells Maddix and Megan, grabbing the last of his papers along with his two presents (resisting the urge to 'accidentally' leave Landon's CD behind) and heading towards the door. “Coming Ames?” “Yer,” his sister responds, “have a good'un, you two.” “Hey, wait a sec!” Landon urges, rising from his seat. He points above them with a sly grin. “Mistletoe!” “Er, I-” Amy begins, catching sight of Megan's face, but Landon has already grabbed her. A few seconds later the junior Stephens manages to pull away, just as Megan kicks the chair into the back of Landon's legs. “Landon...” Toxxic and Megan say at the same time, in pretty much exactly the same tone of voice. “Oh come on! Mistletoe obligation!” Maddix protests, pointing upwards at the innocent bunch of green leaves and white berries. “It's Christmas!” “Christmas or not, I thought we'd made things clear,” Toxxic says, starting towards his former tag team partner and, somewhat longer ago, former deadly rival, “which is that you do not-” “Mike,” Megan's voice stops him as the Assistant Commissioner starts up from her seat on the desk, “I'll handle him.” Toxxic smirks at Landon and makes a surreptitious 'under the thumb' motion as Megan slinks towards him... ...and then past him. Landon watches her hips go bye and his eyes widen as Megan heads directly for the increasingly confused Englishman, then takes his face in both hands and plants her lips on his. Landon and Amy look at each other in shock, then back at Megan and Toxxic. They have time to look back at each other once more before Megan breaks the kiss off. “Hey!” Landon protests pointing. “Mistletoe obligation,” Megan smiles. “But... but he's gay!” Landon splutters, unable to think of a more suitable argument. One corner of Toxxic's recently-kissed mouth quirks upwards in a familiar lopsided grin. “Mostly gay,” the Straight-Edge Sensation reminds La Cucaracha, then turns to his sister. “Come on Ames, that plane won't wait. Merry Christmas guys!” Amy rolls her eyes and follows him, leaving the shocked Landon alone with Megan. “I... but you... I mean...” Maddix protests. Megan laughs silkily. “Landon. Come find me when you've recovered the power of speech. I'll be in our hotel room.” She picks her packages up from the table. “With my presents.” She winks at him. “No hurry.” Landon Maddix watches her leave. Moments later the folorn sound of a party squeaker rings out. MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL

The thread with Jaxl bemoaning B.I.G's movie, I think. So to be fair, he was provoked into action.

I just saw that episode a few weeks ago. Pretty sure it was GAB 2000. Booker was featured fighting Stasiak and I remember an Awesome Bomb through a table on DDP, plus a lousy catfight involving Sharmell, Sunny and a double ball claw on Charles Robinson. I know it's an issue of studio footage and everything, but it amused me that they showed WCW footage, but any other references to wrestling were generally WWF, including Chyna appearing as a guest. I'm sure if Drew were a WCW fan, he'd have shown up long before Rumble 2001, with the way WCW chewed through celebrity appearances.

COLE Hey, wait, is that sleigh bells I hear? COACH No, that's just my phone ringing... COLE (teeth gritted) No, Coach, I'm pretty certain I hear sleigh bells. Everyone in Indianapolis is in the festive spirit already, but their spirits are cheering even more for the arrival of SANTA! Oh yes, the unmistakeable red suit and hat, the full white beard, the sack full of presents, it's him alright. Jolly ol' Saint Nick looks to have lost a few pounds though, in much better shape than is usually portrayed in the never-ending commercials (seriously, it's been Christmas for about nine weeks now, hasn't it? Enough already.) as he heads down the aisle. And a much more exuberant and youthful smile creeps through those white whiskers as he waves to the crowd. Reaching into his sack, 'Santa' starts to distribute presents, taking special time to shake hands with the adults and bring extra smiles to the children. COLE Hey! That's Tim Cash! What do you know, it's Father Cashmas! COACH More like Father Dumbass. Christmas was yesterday, simp. COLE It's never too late to be in the giving mood, Coach! Cash continues his curcuit around the ring in full Santa get-up, handing out the knockdown OAOAST merchandise stock that failed to sell this Christmas to the grateful Indianapolis fans. Even Coach and Cole get in on the act, as Cash hands them each a present. Cole is more than happy to shake the hand of The Nicest Guy In Pro Sports, but Coach is too busy turning his nose up at the 2005 GPX t-shirt he's recieved. Warm waves for all are given once all the presents are gone, Cash entering the ring and shaking hands with the referee, Michael Buffer and his opponent for the night. COLE We're set for another Tim Cash Gentleman's Athletic Competition by the looks of things. And as Tim gets rid of the Santa get-up we want to remind you all to join us on New Year's Day for the New Year's Spectacular! The first event of 2009, with the World Champion's homecoming, the start of the Anderson Cup and much more besides! Beard and suit are off and Cash is down to his wrestling attire. COLE And in the ring, young Broderick Bailey ready to take on this Athletic Competition. Referee Charles Robinson on strict lookout for any breaking of the rules and all strikes on a grounded opponent are prohibited. *DINGDINGDING!* Cash and Bailey shake hands before circling, as you'd expect. They lock-up and Cash quickly applies a side headlock, taking Bailey to the mat. Bailey kicks his legs up looking for a headscissors but Tim shrugs him off and sinches up on the headlock. Taking a new tactic, Bailey turns Cash over onto his shoulders... 1... 2... No. Righting himself Cash sinches the headlock once more. Broddy rocks him back over though... 1... 2... No. So nice is Tim he actually double-checks with the referee that his shoulder got up in time, incase his opponent is getting a poor decision. Once Robinson assures him he's okay, Cash climbs back to his feet. Taking a wrist he steps out of the headlock and exchanges it for an overhand wristlock. Broderick fights against it but Cash's pressure pays and he's soon going down, forced into a bridge to keep his shoulders off the mat. COLE Nice display of neck-strength from this youngster. COACH Yeah yeah. Marvelous. COLE Coach... are you playing games on your cellphone!? COACH Yup, Christmas present from my Mom. Melody hooked me up with all tons of crap on this thing. Look look, watch me shoot this zombie right in the kisser... COLE GIMME THAT! Cash shuffles his feet and knocks down the bridge... 1... 2... Bridge up. Looking impressed Cash nods his head, all while hanging onto the wristlock. Cash is still in control though and knocks the bridge out again, this time dropping to the mat and applying a keylock on the arm. COACH Can I have my phone back now. COLE It's been seven seconds and you're supposed to be calling this match. COACH I know. I'd really prefer the cellphone. Bailey rolls backwards and to his feet, Cash clinging onto the arm but losing grip. A knee from Bailey frees him and a quick kneelift puts Cash on his back. With Tim down Bailey instinctively raises his foot looking to lower the boom with a stomp but referee Robinson is alert and jumps in to stop him. For a second Bailey looks a little confused, but once the rules are explained to him he backs off and instead grabs a front facelock. Cash spins right out though, re-applying his keylock on the arm. COLE Great escape by Tim Cash, well appreciated by these fans if not by my broadcast partner. Cash puts the pressure on the arm, referee Robinson looking for the submission. The crowd's attention begins to wander though, not neccessarily through boredom, but because in the aisle SPENCER REIGER has suddenly made an appearance! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Unbeknownest to those in the ring, Reiger walks around ringside wearing a New York Giants santa hat and carrying his own sack of gifts. COLE What on earth is this? COACH It's Spencer Claus! Oh god did I really just say that? I feel so dirty. As Cash alters the keylock in a hammerlock and bridges over to apply more pressure, Reiger finds a young fan he deems worthy of a present. "Have you been a good boy this year" he asks the kid, who nods earnestly. Spencer is about to walk off for that reason alone, but decides to give him the present anyway. Urged to go ahead and open it, the kid quickly tears the wrapping paper away. The rest of his family peer over his shoulder as he opens the cardboard box, to reveal... nothing! Just a cardboard box. His parents seem amused enough but the kid looks a little disappointed as Reiger strolls away smirking. COACH BWAHA! What a great gift, very practical! COLE Oh come on! COACH What? Kids end up jusy playing with the boxes anyway, cut out the middle man. In the ring, the pace quickens as Bailey sends Cash off the ropes. A leapfrog by Bailey sets up a backdrop, but Cash puts on the brakes and hooks up for a backslide... 1... 2... No. Bailey swings and misses with a clothesline. Catching the arm Cash guides Bailey around into a front facelock and a suplex, running forward with his opponent on his way up to turn it into a Running Suplex! Back on the floor meanwhile, the next lucky young fan laments over the LUMP OF COAL she's been given. COACH I guess that proves it, nobody wants Cole for Christmas! COLE Har har. Spencer Reiger, totally taking the spotlight off of this contest. Once Bailey is back up, Cash takes him over to the ropes and delivers a snapmare. He then applies a crucifix and twists Bailey over into a pinning predicament... 1... 2... No. First up, Bailey tries to grab a hold of Cash. A double leg trip floors him and allows Tim to slap on the Midwest Sling, which quickly draws the tap and the sudden victory for Cash! *DINGDINGDING!* Tim's hand is raised in victory and "Not My Time" plays, but most of the attention remains on Spencer Reiger's antics on the floor. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, TIM CASH! Tim makes sure Broderick makes it safely out of the ring before waving to the crowd. As he's doing this Spencer rolls into the ring with his present sack and when Tim turns around he seems understandably surprised. As he puts up his guard though, Spencer urges him to calm down and motions that he's actually here to give him a present. COLE What is this, some sort of peace offering? Is that really Spencer Reiger's style? COACH Of course it ain't. Cash's not really going to take it, is he? Emerging from the sack with a present, Spencer seems true to his word as it's gift-tagged for Tim himself. The crowd urge Timmy not to take it but always a trusting kind of guy, he accepts the present and looks honoured at the thought and effort his rival has apparantly gone to. COACH Okay, he took it, he's an idiot. Spencer encourages Cash to "open it up", trying and failing to get the crowd to do the same. Sensing the fans' trepidation Tim looks the package over a couple of times, seemingly mulling it over in his head. But his better nature gets the best of him and with a shrug of his shoulders, he starts to tear away the paper... ...all the distraction Reiger needs to deliver a boot to the gut! Tim drops the present as Spencer hooks up both arms and chalks Cash up with the REIGER COUNTER!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COACH Told ya. What a dolt. Emptying the sack of the two leftover presents Spencer adds to Cash's misery as he sits him up and stick the sack over his head! Picking up his NY Giants Santa hat, Spencer sticks it back up and smoothes it out with a smile. REIGER Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas! (up yours gesture) Bunch'a white trash! Spencer and his festive hat leave, booed all the way by the fans as Cash is left laid out in the ring. His offer to show one woman his 'other Christmas sack' are disgustedly turned down and he goes on his way with an arm raised in a personal victory. COLE Spencer Reiger's continued lack of class has just crossed the line to a new low. How could he do this to Tim Cash, in the holiday season no less!? COACH Why should that make a difference? COLE The spirit of the season? Goodwill to all men. COACH I think Tim Cash flat on his face and embarrassed in front of the world for being the stupidest person alive proves that don't get you nowhere, Winter, Spring, Summer or Fall.

Anyone else still updating their Fantasy Premier League team? (I only ask because I'm winning of course.)

Landon Maddix vs. Brock Ausstin

OAOAST 6-Man Tag Titles Cucaracha Internacional © vs. Team Heyross and Brock Ausstin

But the match didn't actually happen, so technically Orton won the match, but neither were in a match, no? I think I confused myself.

Sounds dirty In a name for a bad German bondage pornstar way?

I'm not just saying this to sound smart, but I called it once Kelly left. Only semi-seriously, but even so, I hadn't heard she was backstage and my first thought was "maybe they'll get Trish, that'd take a little of the heat off of Cena". And sure enough... Am I the only one that didn't think Jericho/Punk was anything special? It was okay, but they've had better matches. Much better. All the matches seemed strangely slow this week, just in the pacing. JBL took at least 10 seconds to pick Mysterio up at one point in their match and Jericho/Punk seemed to take a lot of time to get going too. The strong points of the show for me were Trish's performance (can any of the Divas throw a forearm or a punch that even looks half as decent as Trish, because I can't think of one) and Orton's promo (I think Heyman's dead on, Orton's become more and more comfortable and accomplished on the mic the past year). The matches just seemed off to me.

I like how we're debating over the credibility and integrity of a journalist. A wrestling journalist, no less. If you can't trust a journalist, who can you trust!? Not a Meltzer knocker myself, but I can see Scroby's point about the trust some people put in him. I never get why we're automatically supposed to trust the word of someone leaking information? Surely if these people are leaking information behind the backs, they're by definition not very trustworthy to begin with. Plus you factor in reasons why they'd want to leak the information, which is probably not being over-enamoured with the company employing them. Fair enough, Meltzer's got a trustworthy record, but to me if you're going to take one piece of news with a pinch of salt you should take it all as such. I know wrestlers work people, but come on, taking the word of an anonymous tipster over the person themselves is kinda cynical. If someone came up to you on the street saying "I'm an anonymous tipster and I've got some information you might find interesting, $20", I don't know about you but I'd be kinda suspicious. Put it into an internet newsletter and suddenly, no real suspicion?

Was Office Brawl Thoth? Seems like that was a good few months after the JL merger. Could have been. I think I won most of Thoth's booked matches simply because I was crazy enough to jump at writing them and other people weren't. Although Annie may or may not have shown for the original Mousetrap Match, can't remember. I like to think my MS Paint diagram would have swung the balance either way.

My computer's back up and running, thus the 'ME' is in.

Surely they could have just tested him anyway, kept the references to Undertaker minimal until he was 'ready'? I can understand his hesitation at putting some new guy straight in an angle with The Undertaker (Fake Undertaker, Giant Gonzalez, Mordecai, Khali), but even so.

When I was involved, I considered it as sort of a creative writing experience. You basically think up promos and matches and write them out yourself or along with someone else. It isn't an everyday thing; usually you do something once a week for the weekly show (even though you didn't need to do it every week) and then something for the end of the month show. I kinda fell out of love with wrestling so the well ran dry, but it was fun to think of situations and crazy gimmick matches to write. This is pretty much right. It's gone from a joke fed to a creative writing exercise, slowly but surely. It's still stupid when it needs to be, we just write more words than before. The only thing I'd contest is that people write something once a week. The work-ethic isn't nearly so high. Also, we have like 8 mods and 6 regular(ish) writers, so figure that out. It's like the SWF now basically, except SWF is (in theory) competitive. The name is ridiculously clunky for what it's become, but I've never had the heart to seriously suggest changing it. What was the whole situation with Dames accidently deleting a bunch of stuff that one time? Was it just some accounts that went or what?

I just got it and I'm pretty sure it's 3 discs. Not sure deciding to have it a Christmas present was the best idea, the tribute show is hardly the most 'festive' of things to be watching. Does anyone know if the Legends Of Wrestling DVD is going to be a worldwide release, or just US? I haven't seen anything on Silvervision regarding it yet.