King Cucaracha

Hopefully that wasn't just a typo and they actually changed, I assume, Chase Stevens' name to that.

Laughed and stroked his beard? Clearly HHH spiked Jeff's drink at the airport in an attempt to make him look bad and himself good when he wins his match at the PPV. This is the only possible explanation.

Leon Rodez vs. Thunderkid

I just realised I left out the rules for the Old School Rules Match, so I've edited them in. Of course this only affects me and the guy who made the rules up in the first place, but I hadn't posted in here in a while.

Boiler Room Brawl Bohemoth vs. Christian Wright OAOAST Women's Championship Jade Rodez-Duncan © vs Megan Skye

COLE Right now, let's take you backstage where our newest broadcast colleague Melissa Nerdly is standing by with Leon Rodez. COACH Is that wise? COLE Shut up. Take it Melissa. Not his usual jovial self, Leon Rodez stands with hands on hips against the HeldDOWN~! interview backdrop. Much chirpier is Melissa who wears a big TV smile on her face. MELISSA Hey everybody, Melissa Nerdly still filling in for my sis and here with her knight in gleaming armour, Mister Leon Rodez. Leon, first off, how is Mags doing? LEON Well I think it's pretty obvious from the fact you're still filling in that she's not doing so well Melissa. Obviously you know that. But for the benefit of the people, Maggie's still feeling the effects of what happened. Physical and mental. We all are. See, Maggie might be a former Women's Champion and she might have some small idea of the rigours of the ring. But taking a neckbreaker from a 240, 250 pound guy is a completely different matter. Let alone being damn near bent in half the way spines aren't meant to bend. So, right now, she's in a bad way physically. Mentally? Who even knows, Melissa? She got attacked doing her job, surrounded by the rest of the Deadly Alliance. Had to watch people get beaten down trying to save her in the process. I don't know what state of mind she's in right now, except that she's scared. She's scared like every other female in the company is. MELISSA It is kinda scary, I know. I mean, Reject hasn't just attacked my poor sister. LEON Right now, Reject's a loose cannon. He's unpredictable and that's what worries me. See this whole situation between me and your sister has gone too far when innocent people are being hurt by extension. People like Megan Skye. Like one of your other sisters, Molly. Getting caught up in all this. Colatteral damage. All of which rests on what happened between me and Maggie. MELISSA And Melody. Leon glances at Melissa a little angrily, only to realise she's right. LEON Because of all that happened, Reject's suddenly lost it, going around attacking innocent people. Seems like there's a lot of that going on around here recently. Well, sooner or later it has to stop. And I guess it's got to be down to me to stop it. If all these attacks are on my head, I'd rather risk my neck than someone else's. Whether it's my niece's, my friend's, my girlfriend's, you, anyone. So Reject, trust me, the buck stops with me. There's no law around the OAOAST anymore. So I'm going to have to take it into my own hands to deal with you. I'm going to have to make a stand against people like The Deadly Alliance, The Enterprise, all the In Crowd are going to have to, before this company implodes into complete anarchy. And Reject, it starts with you. And with that, Leon heads off. MELISSA The lovely Leon, not in such a lovely mood. Back to you.

Needs to go after Landon's segment (obviously) but preferrably before the women's tag which should be later on. Back on HeldDOWN and back to the ring, with "The Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship kicking up. And to typical boos out breezes James Blonde, in a black hooded jacket, short sleeved on the left side and totally cut open down the seam on the right. Pulling his personal share of the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Title belts from the open half of his jacket, Blonde raises it over his head as he walks to the ring. As he approaches the camera-man filming in front of him, Blonde takes a second to send his boss Landon Maddix a quick shout-out before sliding into the ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, he hails from Vancouver, British Colombia... weighing in at two hundred, eight pounds. Representing Cucaracha Internacional, he is one third of the reigning OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... "THE TRENDSETTER"... JJJJJAAAAAMMMMMEEEESSSS... BBLLLLLOOOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Taking great care with his expensive and above all trendsetting jacket, Blonde gives the lowly stagehands some strict instructions of how and where to take it, warning him that it's a 'one of a kind original'. And speaking of one of a kind originals (if you don't count Jack Evans!), it's a slight change of pace as "Witness (1 Hope)" by Roots Manuva plays Jamie O'Hara to the ring. Tagging a few hands, O'Hara mouths off at Blonde all the way down the aisleway. BUFFER And his opponent. From Birmingham, England... he weighs one hundred, seventy six pounds. "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... JJJAAAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIIEEEEEEE... OOOOOOO'HHAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAA!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" O'Hara vaults into the ring over the top and invites Blonde to come and take a shot, to which Blonde politely declines and leaves the ring. COLE Singles action, stemming from action we saw this past weekend on OAOAST Syndicated... [b][COLOR=blue]OAOAST BACKTRACKER[/b][/COLOR] [QUOTE=OAOAST Syndicated, 9/14] With no end in sight to the punishment, help is at hand as JAMIE O'HARA suddenly runs to the ring! As he tries to convince the referee to let him replace the injured MARV, Blonde gets distracted from the match and pie-faced O'Hara off the apron. That fires the Brit up and he leaps to the apron, pulling off his tanktop and springboarding to the top... ...but he gets sent crashing back to the arena floor from a Faqu barge in mid-air!! SCHIAVONE Oh, down goes O'Hara! VENTURA Good, get him out of here! He's got no business at ringside. The match is Blonde and Faqu versus The Christ Air Express, no ifs or buts, if there's an injury it's at the referee's discretion to stop the match, not pause it so we can get a replacement. SCHIAVONE O'Hara's just trying to help out his friend Jesse, it's clear Blonde and Faqu are just toying with MEL at this point. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Smug at his victory, Blonde raises Faqu's hand in victory... but their victory party is crashed, literally, as Jamie O'Hara returns to the air and catches Faqu with a Springboard Dropkick, knocking him right into Blonde! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA Now what!? SCHIAVONE Jamie O'Hara is looking for a little measure of revenge! VENTURA For what, a little shove in the face? O'Hara goes to work on Faqu with forearms, then baits him into missing a charge and pulling the top rope down on him! With Faqu out of the way, O'Hara knocks Blonde down with a spinning back kick to the jaw. O'Hara then drags JB into position and heads up top. SCHIAVONE The SuperJay is gonna is fly. Getting his footing, O'Hara comes tumbling off to deliver the 630 Splash!! Blonde convulses and rolls himself out of the ring in pain, as O'Hara and a recovering MEL stand tall in the ring.[/QUOTE] COACH And from that cheap attack, a wrestling match grows. COLE That's one way of looking at things I suppose. In any event, James Blonde already dedicating this match tonight to Landon Maddix, who is here and in a stinker of a mood from his defeat at AngleSlam. Puts a little pressure on himself, don't you think Coach? COACH Not really. Everything James does is dedicated to his main man Landon and it hasn't done him much harm so far. Blonde continues to walk around the ring, biding his time. Getting sick of waiting O'Hara sees an opening as Blonde stops to get into an arguement with a section of the crowd. And he vaults himself over the top rope to the floor, running up behind Blonde and sending him face-first into the steel barricade! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH Another cheapshot! I guess that's how they do things on the streets of England? *DINGDINGDING!* Staying on the attack O'Hara lays into Blonde with right hands up against the barricade. O'Hara then looks for an irish whip across ringside. A reversal sends the Englishman heading towards the ringpost, but O'Hara is able to block a collision with the steel... and then sidesteps as Blonde charges him, causing him to collide shoulder-first with the post! Blonde staggers away until O'Hara catches up with him and throws him inside. COLE That was a rash move from Blonde there. And it could be costly early. As Blonde picks himself up, O'Hara springboards to the top and connects with a Dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... No! O'Hara hits the ropes and as Blonde gets to his feet, an instinctive duck of the head leaves him open for a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Backing into a corner, Blonde baits Jamie in and goes to the eyes! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE There's something he learned from Landon. COACH Did it pretty well too. COLE Oh yeah I'm sure it'll earn him some precious brownie points. With O'Hara temporarily blinded it allows Blonde to turn him into a corner and land a knee. Running out of the corner, Blonde turns on his heels in the middle of the ring to deliver another knee. Blonde then delivers a snap suplex out of the corner before jumping back to his feet theatrically. When that's greeted with boos he takes even more theatre in hopping up to the middle turnbuckle, kissing his fist and delivering the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop... into the canvas! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" BLONDE OOOWWWW! Blonde tries to shake the pain out of his hand and deliver a punch with it, but O'Hara blocks and lands a forearm. Another block and another forearm. O'Hara then delivers a boot, coming off the ropes behind Blonde and hits a dropkick. Sent lurching forward Blonde falls into the ring ropes and staggers backwards off them, as O'Hara bypasses him. O'Hara throws himself off the ropes looking for the Busaiku knee strike, but Blonde sidesteps. Snaring O'Hara on the way past Blonde turns behind in a waistlock and throws him backwards with a German Suplex, folding him up on impact! COLE Oh, big suplex! A great counter move from Blonde. Turning O'Hara over Blonde covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Using the ropes to pull himself up Jamie is caught with a knee, then elbowed in the back of the head. Irish whip sends O'Hara across the ring and Blonde cuts him down with a clothesline, covering again... 1... 2... No! "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" Blonde stomps O'Hara a couple of times, then sets him down to deliver a Double Stomp. With his opponent winded The Trendsetter leaves the ring and heads up top. COLE Blonde taking his sweet time going up. COACH He's just giving the people a chance to take a look at those mind-blowing gold shoes. Rumour has it since he wore them a couple of weeks ago, sales rocketed across North America. I even got me some! COLE Those are just a pair of sandles spraypainted gold. COACH I know, sweet ain't they? By the time Blonde reaches the top O'Hara is back up and he stops Blonde's progress with a punch to the gut. And a second. O'Hara springs to the middle rope to join Blonde, a slugfest ensuing on the turnbuckles. After a couple of shots Blonde is able to push O'Hara off the ropes, only for the Brit to land on his feet and leap right back up in The Trendsetter's face. Blonde has an ace up his sleeve though. With O'Hara punching, Blonde gives him another shove, this time aiming him towards the ring ropes. O'Hara lands throat-first across the top rope and falls backwards. Getting his footing, Blonde waits for O'Hara to get back up, leaping with the Brit doubled over hurt and coming down with his knee right across the side of O'Hara's head!! COACH Nice! COLE Blonde connecting, eventually, on that high-flying move. The knee doesn't put O'Hara down, but it does leave him stunned long enough for Blonde to wrap him up and deliver an Inverted DDT! COLE And that's a Fashion Statement by James Blonde. Hook of the leg... 1... 2... No! Blonde despairs at the kickout and complains to the referee about it. COLE Maybe Blonde is starting to feel the pressure a little? COACH Nah. My boy stays cool like... uh... well, uh, something that... you know... is cold. Like a freezer or something? Pulling O'Hara roughly up by his baggy vesttop Blonde forces him into a bent-double position again and hooks his leg over the back of his neck. Calling for the end he forces forward looking to hit the Guilt Trip... but O'Hara spins out of it! Irish whip attempt out of it is reversed though sending J-OH off the ropes, Blonde scooping him up on the rebound for a slam. Before he can execute it O'Hara kicks his feet to force himself over the back, shoving Blonde forward into the ropes finally. Blonde comes off the ropes with a clothesline, but O'Hara ducks underneath, hitting the ropes himself and cracking JB upside the jaw with a Busaiku Knee Kick!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!" COLE Caught him with that one! 'Your boy' might need some ice from that freezer when he gets backstage! Blonde staggers to his feet and walks into a Side (Black) Russian Legsweep. Rolling right through on impact O'Hara positions himself at Blonde's side and takes off with a Standing Tornado Moonsault... 1... 2... NO! Irish whip sends Blonde into a corner. Jamie encourages some noise from the crowd before he follows in looking for a monkey flip, but a shove in the chest leaves him empty handed. COACH Nuh-uh, too smart. Undaunted, O'Hara rolls through and tries again. Blonde is able to shove him off again though... ...except this time, J-OH backflips to land on his feet and dropkicks Blonde up against the turnbuckles! COLE There's smart and then there's too smart for your own good. O'Hara catches Blonde with a Spinning Back Kick to the jaw and knocks him down, in perfect position it would seem as the crowd rise to their feet. Letting them know he hears it, Jamie nods his head and quickly heads up top. COLE Here we go! Reaching the top, O'Hara calls out, for the 63... ...NO! Blonde rolls out of the way! Luckily for O'Hara he manages to bail out early enough to land on his feet after just 360, although a stumble puts him on the backfoot for a second. Blonde quickly capitalises, grabbing hold of O'Hara's baggy clothing and pulling him face-first into the top turnbuckle pad! COLE Now I don't know if that should be allowed. COACH Why not? If this goof wore clothes that fit him he wouldn't have that problem in the first place. As O'Hara staggers off the buckle Blonde snares him and applies the cobra clutch. Before he hits the move however, he feels compelled to dedicate it to Landon loud enough so that the cameras can pick it up. Unfortunately, they also pick up O'Hara kicking off the turnbuckles and landing on Blonde's chest, then rolling back to force his shoulders down... 1... 2... COACH Wait! 3!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH No! *DINGDINGDING!* Blonde releases the cobra clutch too late and realising he's been caught by one of the oldest tricks in the book his mouth hangs open in shock. Rolling out of the ring O'Hara boasts at the win as his hand is raised, putting Blonde into further shock. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... JJJAAAAMMMMIIIEEEE OOO'HHHHHAAAAARRRRAAAAA!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" BLONDE NO NO NO NO NO!! The Trendsetter throws a mini-tantrum in the ring as he realises just what he's done, before sitting up on his knees and holding his head in his hands. The mocking from the crowd doesn't make things any better for him, leaving him on the verge of tears. COLE I guess this is a valuable lesson for James Blonde not to count your chickens before they've hatched. Or your Cucarachas, as it were. And if Landon wasn't in a bad mood already, how do you think he feels now? COACH Oh, don't. Just... just don't. Picking himself up and ashamed looking Blonde rolls out of the ring, dreading the embarrassment he's sure to face when he comes face to face with Landon again. He shoos away the cameras trying to film him as

I'm still getting it.

If this can go as a pre-show promo, or right after the opening spiel if need be, that'd be perfect. EARLIER TONIGHT Outside in the early evening air of Pheonix, Arizona we find ourselves in the parking lot. There, Megan Skye walks alongside a distinctly glum looking Landon Maddix who drags his feet, hands deep in the pockets of his designer jeans. With Landon so glum, Megan seems pretty tired of her man's mood as well and stops him before he can skulk into the arena. MEGAN Okay, look. We go in, you hold your head high. MADDIX I swear, if Moneymaker says one wor... MEGAN [i]Head high[/i]. Okay? Trust me, you're not the only one who Krista's embarrassed around here. Strangely, that doesn't do anything to placate Landon. Wonder why. MEGAN Not that she embarrassed you, I just mean... look, you've got nothing to be ashamed of, I keep telling you this. Nothing's going to happen. It's just a regular night. No fuss, no nothing. MADDIX No big deal. MEGAN No big deal. With those assurances, Landon takes a deep breath and summons the cocky Cucaracha smile as he enters the arena... ...to a one-man welcoming party. BLONDE LANDON! Oh man I'm so glad to see you! Blonde hugs his mentor, who's cocky attitude drains away in a split second. MADDIX No big deal, huh? BLONDE What? Oh, nevermind that, welcome back! How are you? How are you feeling? You feeling good? You're looking good, that's a nice shirt, take it from somebody who knows. MADDIX I've felt better. Look, can we carry this little reunion on somewhere else. In our dressing room maybe? BLONDE Why? Look, if you're worried about what people are going to say about AngleSlam, forget it. You don't need to listen to anyone. You're still the only man to win both the OAOAST and SWF World Championships, no matter who beats you! Even if you never win another match again in your life you'll always have that! And Krista'll never be able to say that. I mean, I know you're booking her for Genesis and all so if you keep booking her there's a chance she'll end up winning your title... but, she's not a man, so my point stands. She's just a woman. MADDIX Just a woman, huh? Well, that's a relief. BLONDE Well you know what I mean. She's nothing compared to La Cucaracha. You're a true success story in professional wrestling. You don't need the fame and fortune she's got! MADDIX Look, I'll level with you J, you keep digging at this hole you're creating much more and you'll end up in China. Quit while you're behind, okay? I got beat by a girl and lost out on money, on a World Title shot, on a better future for my company. Everything. I get it. I'm embarrassed. Right now, I just want to keep my head down and get on with things. But Krista'll be dealt with in time. BLONDE Gee, are you sure that's a good idea? She kinda beats everybody she wrestles, you know. Landon scowls at his annoying understudy. MADDIX Really? I hadn't noticed. BLONDE Well, she does, you only have to loo... MEGAN (desperately interrupting) What Landon means, James, is that there's ways of dealing with her and gaining some measure of revenge. Besides facing her one on one again. Like, for example, me being on opposite sides of a match with her daughter tonight. We send a message to Krista through her. No risk of anyone losing to Krista at all that way. Landon now scowls at Megan, incredulously. BLONDE Listen, I've got just the thing to cheer you up. I've got a match tonight with that English Eminem, Jamie O'Hara and I'm going to dedicate my victory tonight to you. To you! We're going to get Cucaracha Internacional back on track, starting tonight! MADDIX Where've I heard that before? MEGAN That's a nice gesture James, just ignore him. Continuing to grumble under his breath, Landon heads off with his head down and Megan in tow. Leaving JB in limbo, The Trendsetter giving Landon a thumbs up as he exits which goes unacknowledged.

As we return to the arena/opera house/whatever, the unusual sight of Megan Skye walking to the ring alone greets us. Not leading anyone tonight, she walks with her head held high over the abuse of the crowd, climbing up the ring steps and into the ring with a calm focus on the task at hand. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following women's division tag team contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, from Providence, Rhode Island... the brains behind Cucaracha Internacional... MMMEEEEEGGAAAAAAAANN... SSSSSSSSSSKKYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Megan's gotta be looking forward to this. A little chance at some revenge on the Duncan family, extended hide them at the back of the room at family reunions kinda family though it may be. COLE I'm sure Megan's just glad to be away from Landon for a few minutes, the mood he's in. As Megan stretches out in the ring, "Another Body Murdered" blares through the arena and Holly Mann marches out with a scowl on her face. Wearing a black cropped hoodie with skull and crossbones scattered all over, Holly angrily pulls her hand out of reach as foolish fans look for hand-tags. BUFFER And her partner. From Las Vegas, Nevada... the lead guitarist of the greatest rock n' wrestling band in all of professional wrestling, The Heavenly Rockers... she is "THE ANGEL OF DEATH"... HHHOOOOOOLLLLLLYYYYYYYY... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Holly stomps into the ring, barely acknowledging her tag team partner as she heads to the ropes to direct some abuse at the fans. COLE Holly in anti-social form as usual. Off comes the hoodie, chucked at a lowly stagehand. Holly and Megan keep their own distances, as the modern day cover version of "Beat It" by Fallout Boy brings out modern technology's #1 pin-up girl, Melody Nerdly. Melody rocks out in the entrance way and dives into the arms of the fans lining the aisle who soon get over being burned by Holly. BUFFER And the opponents, first, from The Fortress Of Nerdlytude! She is the 2007 OAOAST Manager Of The Year... MMMMEEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOODDYYYYYYY... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYYY!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The Fortress Of Nerdlytude of course, better known as a 19 bedroom property in Edmonton. COACH You know what's ironic, Melody spent most of high school in her own fortress of solitude. Her bedroom. Because she was a geek. Didn't get out much. COLE Yeah yeah we get it. "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits, to a BIG reaction. And the reaction gets even bigger as with pure exuberance, Jade Rodez-Duncan bounds out onto the stage pumping his fists in the air! Jade unstraps the Women's Championship belt from around her waist and raises it over her head, dedicating it to the fans with points out across the arena before she skips to the ring. No though of any dance moves though in all the excitement, which surely won't go down well with certain members of the immediate family. BUFFER And finally, she now resides in Los Angeles, California! The second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is the BRAND NEW OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Slapping hands Jade looks a little overwhelmed by the reaction and walks on air all the way up the ring steps. She enters demurely through the middle and bottom ropes before climbing the turnbuckles, again raising the belt with what looks like a combination of about a dozen emotions. Joy, shock, gratitude, a little embarrasment at the fuss she's causing. "When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies" As the festivities begin to die down Jade and Melody share a bestest-best pals hug. Jade still seems a little caught up in the reaction from the Pheonix crowd and as they continue to cheer for her, she beams from ear to ear. COLE Isn't it just great to see that beautiful smile on that young lady's face after all she's been through in recent months? COACH Oh give it up man, you don't stand a chance with her. Not sharing in the excitement though are Megan or Holly. Megan leaves the ring unimpressed. But Holly takes it a step further and yells at the crowd, then points a threatening finger Jade's way as she stands on the ring apron. It won't be her starting though, as Melody has already elected to start and Jade is too kind to argue that she might want to start now. *DINGDINGDING* As the two starters circle Melody shadow-boxes a little, which doesn't intimidate Holly one bit. COLE Absolutely no love lost between these two ladies. Actually about a year ago since Holly suckered Melody into believing they were best pals, only to lead her into a cruel Heavenly Rocker attack. Still waters still run deep it seems, as Melody proves her shadow-boxing wasn't just a threat and pops Holly in the mouth with a jab as she approaches! Holly looks shocked, but before she can complain Melody rushes her, into a neutral corner where she throws wild shots at her old enemy. Holly covers up under the wild attack, getting hit at least a dozen times before Melody relents. Fired up, Melody whips Holly across the ring. She then charges, but runs right into a raised knee in the corner! Quickly Holly grabs Melody by top and tails and throws her to the floor with contempt. Holly then turns her attentions to the Women's Champ again. Jade isn't drawn in by the arguement, but Holly does enough to keep the referee distracted while Megan targets Melody on the outside and rams her back into the steel ringpost! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE And there's a cheapshot. I guess now we know where Landon Maddix gets it from. Or vice versa. As Megan retreats, Holly reaches through the turnbuckles for Melody's hair, pulling her back up to the apron. Holly takes Melody's head and rams it against the turnbuckle on the outside. Hooking her up, she then brings Melody back inside with a vertical suplex and floats over... 1... 2... No! Pulling Melody back up, again with a hefty handful of hair, Holly badmouths her before throwing her back to the canvas face-first. Despite the protests of referee Mike Chioda, she repeats the move again. Holly soon grows bored though and gives Megan a tag. As Melody tries to take advantage of the switch by getting to her corner, Megan pulls her back, turning her over to drop an elbow before covering... 1... 2... No! Megan waits for Melody to get going again, catching her in the ribs with a kick as she reaches one knee. COLE We don't see Megan in the ring too often, but we do know she can kick. COACH Well usually Megan's had other commitments, managerial commitments. But let's face it, with a lame-duck Champion, what better time to put yourself back in the women's division? After another kick to the body Megan hooks up Melody, delivering a vertical suplex. COLE Nice move by Megan and from what we're seeing, it's a little bit of a surprise we haven't seen more of her. Good to see the women's division coming back into prominence with the likes of Megan and Melody throwing their hats and themselves into the ring recently. COACH And yet when Malaysia was Champ, nobody wanted to know. Jade wins the belt, they're all at it. Coincidence? You tell me. COLE I'm actually trying my best to ignore you. Megan comes off the ropes looking for a big knee, but finds nobody home! Melody is able to roll out of the way and gets the tag to bring the new Women's Champion in, to a big cheer from the crowd. Around hobbles Megan, as Jade comes in and instantly dives at her with a Thesz Press! Jade mounts Megan and rams the back of her head into the mat a couple of times before leaping to her feet, encouraging her opponent back up. COLE She doesn't like too lame of a duck right now Coach! COACH Give it time. Off the ropes, Jade knocks Megan down with a clothesline. And a second. And a third, feeding off the energy of the crowd as they get behind her. They suddenly have to alert her of danger as Holly tries a cheapshot, Jade able to spot her coming, duck a clothesline and deliver a dropkick to send her crashing out of the ring! Jade then rushes Megan, shooting her off the ropes and delivering a dropkick to her as well! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Jade is cooking here! Defeating Malaysia could well be the making if this young woman, she's never lacked heart but she's been lacking in self-confidence for so long, maybe things have now changed. As Megan gets back up, Jade paws her with an open left hand. Then paws her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360 and knocks Megan down with a big clothesline! As she hits this, we hear a slight thud on the announce table, as a newspaper lands on it. COLE The hell? Michael picks up the paper and reads the front page headline aloud. COLE Exclusive: Rich Little Blonde Girl Kicks Ass! Courtesy of the... LA Swag? Michael turns around, to see ALIX MARIA SPEZIA behind him, dressed in a sexed-up paper-carrier uniform. ALIX EXTRA, EXTRA! SPREAD THE NEWS! **GETTING HOT IN HERE LYRICS** COLE This place just gets weirder by the second. Back in the ring the tag is made between Jade and Melody. Jade holds Megan in place while Melody navigates her way up the turnbuckles, coming off the top with a DEVESTATING~! tomahawk chop to the top of the head. Melody then delivers another tomahawk to the head from a standing position, reminiscent of Austin Powers' judo chop. Megan shrugs off the minor nuisance and delivers a knee to the gut to double Melody up, setting her for a whip. Melody is able to reverse coming off the ropes however, wrapping her legs around Megan's body and executing a wheelbarrow bulldog! COLE That's the Revenge Of The Nerdly. COACH Did you get that from this newspaper presumably printed up at some carnival too? COLE No, stupid. I got it straight from the source, Melody's MySpace page. Melody hooks the leg on Megan... 1... 2... Holly breaks the count. As Melody complains to the referee about Holly's interference, her lack of ring experience leaves her with her back turned to her opponent for far too long, allowing Megan time to recover and catch her with a forearm as she turns around. Megan quickly tags out to Holly, who runs in and uses the hair to whiplash Melody back across her knee with a modified backbreaker! COLE Ooh! That looked nasty. Holly wraps Melody up... 1... 2... Kickout! Backing Melody into a corner, Holly delivers some hard punches before driving a shoulder to the midsection where Melody puts up a defensive guard. As Melody doubles over, she takes a nasty looking kick upside the head which sends her lurching backwards, falling over the middle rope backwards and left hanging out to dry. Holly nonchalantly climbs over her onto the turnbuckles and raises her arms. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" After dragging Melody off the rope, Holly lands a hard elbow strike, then comes off the ropes to put even more momentum behind a second. Melody is left seeing stars and reaches out in vain for a tag despite being nowhere near her corner. COLE Melody is on dream street right now. COACH I don't see much of that Duncan confidence on Jade's face now, do you? I think she's realising, with her partner hurt and Alix running around delivering fake newspapers, she's in deep trouble if she gets tagged. A stomp to the back of the head further scrambles Melody's brains. Kneeling down, Holly then applies a chinlock, pinning Melody down with her knee at the same time. As Holly cranks back on the neck of the Manager Of The Year, the screen splits to show Malaysia Nerdly watching on backstage, absent mindedly oiling the chest of Mr. Dick who is spread across a leather recliner as she does so. COLE The former Women's Champion with her eyes on this one as she prepares Mr Dick for his PoseDOWN~! later tonight. "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" With Jade playing cheerleader, only fitting considering she's in a cheerleader's outfit for crying out loud, the Pheonix fans start to get behind Melody. The geek chic Nerdly fights to a slightly better position, on her knees but still in the chinlock. Holly simply lets her go though, striking her in the back. And again. Holly then comes off the ropes, looking for a clothesline. With a deft sidestep, Melody counters and looks for a crucifix. But despite her best efforts to bring Holly down, The Angel Of Death is able to hold herself up and sit out, driving Melody into the mat with a Samoan Drop! Reaching back, Holly casually hooks a leg... 1... 2... No! COLE Melody staying in this match, but she really needs to get the Women's Champion in. Holly paintbrushes Melody a couple of times before landing a more solid boot to the face. Tag is made, bringing Megan in. She doesn't enter the ring though, heading straight to the top. The fans and her partner try to warn Molly of what's coming as she gets back up looking lost. And as Melody turns her way, Megan goes for a Skye Dive... ...but Melody ducks and Megan crashes and burns!!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" With the support of the crowd, Melody is able to scramble past Megan on hands and knees, to her corner where she makes the tag! COLE There we go! Jade rushes into the ring, coming to a sudden stop as she misjudges Megan getting up. After a couple of steps back, she runs in again and looks for a crossbody of her own... and much like Megan, she crashes and burns as Megan hits the deck! COACH Ha! I still can't believe this second-generation embarrassment was able to beat Malaysia at AngleSlam. COLE It just goes to show that dreams can and do come true, if you work hard and have a great attitude... COACH *gags* COLE Oh you know what, fuck you. COACH :O As Jade gets up, she turns around into a boot and a quick DDT! Cover... 1... 2... No! Megan sets herself and aims high with the Chick Kick... too high, as Jade ducks, snaring Megan in a surprise schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! A knee cuts Jade off as both ladies get to their feet. Megan delivers a forearm to the face, then whips Jade into her team's corner. Right away Holly grabs hold of Little Miss California's arm, keeping her penned in as Megan runs in with a clothesline. As Megan backs across the ring Holly continues to hold Jade back. But Jade manages to fight her off and just in time, dragging Holly over across the top turnbuckle avoiding a charge from Megan, sending her crashing into Holly's ribs! COLE Jade making fools of her opponents on that exchange, who does that remind you of? Jade armdrags Megan out of the corner, then delivers a not-too graceful front dropkick to follow. In runs Melody, knocking Holly off the top to the floor and following out to go on the attack. Leaving Jade alone with Megan, giving the signal for the end. COLE Not exactly to her Mom's standards, but Jade calling for the finish all the same. As Megan gets back to her feet, the Women's Champion waits behind her and reaches out with both hands to grasp the chin. But Megan has her scouted and drops to one knee, delivering a backfist to the midsection! COACH Megan way too smart for that though. By the way, FU right back man. COLE Snappy comeback. From one knee Megan elevates Jade off the mat in a fireman's carry in an impressive show of strength. She carries the Women's Champion around the ring. Jade manages to escape though, shoving Megan off into the ropes. Megan ducks underneath a clothesline on her way back and grabs Jade in a waistlock. A switch puts Jade behind Megan, but Megan switches herself right back into position and shoves her forward, right into the referee. Luckily Jade is able to slow herself down before impact and Chioda just ends up on his BUTT with a hurt ankle. That doesn't stop Jade from apologising profusely and insisting on checking he's okay. Jade even goes so far as to help Chioda to his feet despite his insistance that he's not hurt. Once she's absolutely sure she hasn't accidently done him any damage, Jade then refocuses on the match... ...and gets laid out with a Chick Kick from the waiting Megan! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The kick right to the head, that could do it. Megan quickly goes for the cover, hooking both legs to put Jade high on her shoulders... 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And it does! Megan pins the Women's Champion! *DINGDINGDING!* Sliding into the ring too late, Melody curses herself as Megan's hand is raised in victory. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of HOLLY MANN and MEGAN SSSKKYYYYEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Melody kneels at Jade's side, the Women's Champ holding the side of her head in pain as the effects of the kick sink in. Standing over her Megan cracks a bit of a smile for the first time. Chioda raises her hand in victory again before joining in on checking on Jade. COACH See, what did I tell you. One victory doesn't change a thing, Jade didn't suddenly become a great wrestler overnight. She's still the same Jade. Sucky. COLE That's typically harsh. And wrong. Jade got caught up with the referee, thanks to Megan pushing her into him. COACH And instead of making a smart-alec quip and giving him a high-heel in the rectum for getting in the way like her mother would, she had to play 'Florence Jadeinggale' and help him up. And it cost her, didn't it? COLE That it did. With Holly still scowling at the shots she took, she and Megan back up the aisle with their victory. Megan seems much the more satisfied of the two as she smirks back at Jade, sat up with Melody's help but still holding at her aching head.

How dare he! Trying to make himself stand out from the crowd in an entertainment field? Anyone would think he was trying to be successful at it! Well I never! I guess I should have added "at the expense of others". He's just as bad as triple h, he's just a little more subtle about it. Welcome to professional wrestling. It surprises me how much people still get hung up on this, despite the face about 90% of the top headliners in wrestling have played the game when it suited them. That's the way things work, has been for years. It's not right but it's just the way it is.

So what? Charisma? It's hard to get that across while being squashed. Pure in ring talent? What pure in ring talent has he been allowed to show besides how to sell a headbutt to the sternum? Mic skills he's been able to use precisely once so far. It's all very well us saying he has these things, but if he's not using them then what's the point? What!? You mean like with Koslov? Or Jack Swagger? Or Ricky Ortiz? Or Primo? Or R-Truth? Or CM Punk? Face it, 'earning your spot' has nothing to do with win-loss records. If WWE's got any faith in you you'll debut with wins right out of the box. And I guess they have other ideas about Cabana.

COLE Right now, let's go over to T-Bod! The camera cuts to the old-school interview stage positioned besides the fans to the left of the stage. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Tony Brannigan... "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Tony waits for the cheers to decide. BRANNIGAN ...and at this moment, I'd like to read a pre-prepared statement. (Brannigan produces a piece of paper) At AngleSlam, in my hometown of San Antonio, I officiated the Match Made In Corporate Greed, between The Usual Suspects and members of The Enterprise. At the conclusion of that match, as things began to get out of control and fueled by the atmosphere around me, I attacked a contracted OAOAST competitor in Abdullah Abir Nerdly. In doing so, I overstepped the mark. I am a contracted OAOAST journalist and I realise the conflict of interest my actions could possibly cause and it is for that reason I would like to issue a public apology for my conduct. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Brannigan, having read the statement with a very deadpan voice, folds the piece of paper back up and tucks it in his pocket. COLE Something tells me that 'apology' had someone else's fingerprints on it. COACH Let me guess, you're suggesting Josie forced Brannigan into it. COLE I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, from the tone in Tony's voice, I doubt it was an idea entirely of his own volition. BRANNIGAN With that in mind, my guest at this time, along with Mackenzie DeCenzo, he is "The Natural" CHRISTIAN WRIGHT. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Pheonix crowd direct their anger towards the stage as "Sharp Dressed Man" hits, bringing out CW fully suited up and in possession of his trusty briefcase. On his other arm, still looking disheveled, is Mackenzie who clings to Christian's arm for support. He leads her to the interview stage where there's a frosty atmosphere between he and Tony, despite the 'public apology' that he just issued. COLE Christian's not had the best of weeks, all things considered. Being a Financial Analyst isn't the easiest of jobs right now. COACH I can tell you one thing, he's had a better week than Bohemoth's had. BRANNIGAN Okay Christian, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. Last week, you and your buddies beat down Bohemoth in what seemed like a pretty well planned attack. I think we just wanna know, Why? WRIGHT Why? Mister Brannigan, I would assume even those of the lowest intellect amongst our national TV audience would be able to understand my motives. One week previous to tonight, Bohemoth once more displayed his true personality. That being, the personality of an unstable human being. His ravenous appetite for sadism knows no bounds of gender or punishment. For last week, the direction of his bloodlust was yours truly. Not as previous a helpless, innocent young lady, rather an innocent young gentleman. BRANNIGAN As I remember it, you came to the ring and blasted him with a chair. WRIGHT For which I have no regrets. This 'Monster' as he is monickered, he must be controlled. For a considerable length of time, I was pursued through the corridors of the arena, [i]hunted[/i] like a lone elk by a savage predator. Cowardise is not in my nature as I'm sure you are well aware. However, with that predator stalking me with god only knows what masochistic intentions, I feared for my very life. Because I know what this man, this professed 'Monster', is truly capable of! He must be controlled and he must be neutered before he commits further acts of carnal sin. Christian looks to Mackenzie who shaking with fear reaches out for the microphone. MACKENZIE Bohemoth... had it coming, Tony. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MACKENZIE Nobody should feel any sympathy for that man. Not after what he's done. Nobody! WRIGHT It's okay, stay calm. MACKENZIE Bohemoth had this coming. And I know that most people are too scared of what he might do to deliver what he had coming. And I can't really blame them. But Christian... my knight in shining armour... he showed true bravery in the face of pure evil to do what was right! You see, that night, when... when... Mackenzie's voice begins to waiver and Christian takes a second to calm her down. MACKENZIE That night. Bohemoth stalked me just like he did Christian. He stalked after me into that exact same place. He tried to force me into the boiler room... he said it would be... quiet in there. More... steamy. I... tried to fight him off, and... and... I'm sorry. Poor Mackenzie breaks down again and buries her face into Christian's shoulders, to absolutely zero sympathy from the crowd. COLE Boiler room!? What happened to the story about playing pinball!? COACH She was clearly misquoted. COLE Oh, right, sure. BRANNIGAN So basically you're admitting that you set Bohemoth up? WRIGHT I prefer to say we provided karma a helping hand. Infact, you might well say it was a case of needs must. You may pour scorn on our methodology, but it was merely to serve a greater good. You cannot wrestle forever with morals when it comes time, To Catch A Predator. For these predators the ilk of Bohemoth or Anglesault have no morals. They have no remorse. No conscience. Luckily, The Enterprise is providing the OAOAST with a stable conscience, to combat predators such as these. No, myself and the V.I.C.E squad's attack within the confines of that boiler room, they were no mere coincidence. They were karmic justice for the tiny conscience of my former bodyguard. And the acrid stream which spewed forth from those pipes and into those sadistic eyes, that too was karma. Bohemoth, as you felt that steam sting at your eyes, you felt the sting of humiliation you forever inflicted on this once strong, indipendent woman. As the temperature of your orbital fluid rose, you felt the pain you have scarred into her soul. Every tear that flowed from your bloodshot eyes was a tear which this young lady has shed in torment since that night! Mackenzie manages a little bit of a smile now. WRIGHT And Bohemoth, your time of retribution has not yet passed. Your rehabilition is not yet complete. For at Zero Hour, yourself and I will enter that Boiler Room once more, the sight of your darkest crime, the sight of your impending downfall. Ms. Josie Baker has graciously given me the chance to issue your true karma in ten days time. And with the full knowledge of what you did in my mind, I will destroy you. I shall tame the mythical 'Monster'... Christian wraps a comforting arm around Mackenzie. WRIGHT ...and I will unshackle the chains of torment from this damsel in distress in the process. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The jeers continue to wash over CW and Mackenzie as he leads her carefully from the stage, the broken woman's plight still not enough to stop the boos. COACH Boy, how about that? COLE That was... something. From the sounds of it, a Boiler Room Brawl now added to Zero Hour, between Bohemoth and Christian Wright. And I have to say, that's a pretty gutsy move from Wright to be willing to be locked in a room with Bohemoth, no matter how large that room might be, all alone. Assuming of course he will be all alone. COACH What is with you? You doubt Christian's a man of his word, you keep trying to make Mackenzie seem like she's not a woman of her word, even after all she's been through. You're a cynical man. Why can't you understand, people like Christian are to be admired, trying to rid the OAOAST of scum like Anglesault and Bohemoth and make it a better place for people like us... well, some of us.

People don't like JBL and it's something to insult him about. If he weren't carrying fat, people would be on his case accussing him of taking steriods for the same reason you listed. He can't win because he's not popular.

How dare he! Trying to make himself stand out from the crowd in an entertainment field? Anyone would think he was trying to be successful at it! Well I never!

I hope not. When they debuted him with a promo I held out a little hope that they'd actually do something with him, at the very least let him be a comedy lower mid-level guy for a while who could provide a little entertainment. I don't expect him to win every week. I don't even expect them to push him. But if his career is going to consist of putting over people like Koslov and Khali, I'd rather they future endeavour him so I can get back to watching Colt Cabana wrestle without wasting his damn time in the process, guaranteed contract be damned. Ooh, gee, listen, something came and I'm... turns out I'm very suddenly busy that week. And during every repeat showing. Sorry WWE.

I agree. The whole "The American American" gimmick makes no sense unless he's really over doing the whole "I'm a proud American" thing. The black trunks and goofy smile just doesn't work for that gimmick. He also needs some freaking charisma as well. The goofy smile and the completely vacant look in his eyes = not good. He looks like an indy guy who can't believe he's actually wrestling on TV.

To be fair to Spike, up until now she has been speaking with an definate American twang, for whatever reason. I remember one segment in ECW she had with Kelly Kelly where I was sitting there and had no clue what she was saying because she was stuck in between American drawl and British drawl and couldn't decide which to go with. If you didn't specifically know she was British (and I don't think WWE have ever acknowledged it since the Diva Search), you'd wonder what the hell was going on. Speaking of Brits, the fact they had Burchill lose to Noble is one thing. And by submission another yet. But the fact they had him and Regal in the same segment and didn't even acknowledge a relationship between the two once tells me he's in trouble. And boy, they're really blowing this Kane/Rey thing, huh? I don't get why people were so eager to see Kane get his mask back, his interview showed how much better defined a character he is without it. The interview makes sense, but I'm still struggling getting into this 'soul destroying' attack that we didn't see, nobody else has really mentioned that much, was only ever talked about by Kane and that Rey has shown absolutely zero side-effects of sice coming back. And then they stick them in a match just to kill the heat off the feud. "I'm going to crush your spirit Rey... but first I must put you in a rear chinlock, because we've gone to a commercial." "Kane, I am not a victim, I'm going to make you pay... with a whole bunch of hurricanranas and headscissors that don't really look like they'd do you much damage at all if I'm honest." Weak.

That, plus the absolute vaccum of crowd heat he generated in his debut match against Haas. Probably a case of 'tag them up before this guy becomes a complete lost cause'. I love how everybody's jumping on someone's back for daring to suggest that it was bad writing. "Oh, he's only a lower midcarder, who cares!? It's not like it's going to kill the entire company and change the face of wrestling as we know it!!" That's how you want to run a promotion, sure. Sure it doesn't really matter. But the point wasn't "WWE sucks man!", the point was "would an explanation have been so hard for people who still pay attention?"

Brought to you by American Express Taped: September 11th, 2008 First air date: September 14th, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan Hey, Syndicated is back! Many doubted this day would come. But those that believed have finally been rewarded for their patience! Their never-ending hope that someday, somehow, someone would put some damn effort together and finally put a Syndicated together did not falter, even in the face of prolonged apathy. And we dedicate tonight's show to that person. Shine on my brother! Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura welcomed us back to syndicated wrestling at it's finest and promised us action from the likes of Malaysia Nerdly, Tim Cash, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, Denzel Spencer and Felix Strutter. Plus in the Syndicated main-event, in fall-out from last week's HeldDOWN~!, two thirds of the World 6-Man Tag Team Champions Faqu and James Blonde would take on two thirds of their last challengers, The Christ Air Express. ***The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew -VS- The Can-Jam Connection (Denzel Spencer and Felix Strutter)*** Syndicated also started with tag team action though. Former bitter rivals Spencer and Strutter teamed up for the first time. That seemed to give Rico and Lucius some confidence coming in, Lucius grinning from ear to ear as he started out with Denzel. In the early exchanges Lucius was able to get the upperhand on each occassion and on each occassion broke away after putting Denzel on his back, to tend to his 'fro. But Denzel came back with a quick succession of armdrags to dent the confidence and send Lucius out to the floor. Lucius brought Rico in at that point to take over. The Brazilian brawler squared up with After Hours and showed his power advantage by winning a test of strength. However, Felix was helped out by Denzel, taking Rico down with double top wristlocks. Embarassingly Rico tried in vain to kip-up three times and three times landed on his Brazilian BUTT, forcing Lucius to come in and help out, rolling him to his feet where he then armdragged the Can-Jammers to the floor! As Felix and Denzel regrouped, The MGHWC faked them out on a double dive, bouncing casually off the ropes and coming to a stop combing 'fro and stroking 'tache instead. Which they would regret, as the unharmed Felix and Denzel flew back inside with stereo Springboard Dropkicks to wipe them out! From there, the former rivals showed some more surprising teamwork as they combined on first Rico, then Lucius, bowling them around until the referee stepped in. That allowed Rico to hit a sneaky knee from the apron on Denzel while the ref tried to get Felix out, setting Denzel up for THE POUNCE~! Lucius and Rico isolated Denzel from that point, working him over for a few minutes with Felix only able to look on. A Hairraising Experience (Back Suplex/Neckbreaker Combo) wasn't enough to put Denzel away though. And a Double Backdrop attempt would go array, Denzel able to fight his opponents off and get the tag. The fresh Felix cleaned house until Denzel was capable of lending him a hand, irish whipping The MGHWC into each other. Stereo dropkicks sandwiched them together again before an attempt at stereo back suplex. Denzel hit his on Lucius, but Felix was unable to get Rico up and he countered with a Gutwrench Suplex. Rico then aimed a lariat at Denzel, who ducked and delivered a Superkick! A clothesline would send Denzel and Lucius out to the floor which left Felix and Rico in the ring to struggle to their feet. A boot set Rico up, but he backdropped out of the double underhook and then prepared to deliver a Moustache Ride. Moustache Rides for no-one however, as Felix escaped the move. Felix set up the Thunder Bay Throttle again, but Rico shoved him off, only for a blind tag to be made. Caught ducking his head, Rico took a kick to the shoulder blade, setting him upright for a crossbody from the Carribean, Denzel able to hook Rico up tight in order to keep him down for the 3 count! Winner: The Can-Jam Connection, via pinfall Showing their differences were well to the side, Denzel and Felix celebrated their victory together in the ring while Rico and Lucius were left to lick their wounds. Again. Watching that match with great interest was Vinny Valentine in his locker room. I say 'his' locker room and hear you scoff at the fact he would have his own locker room, especially when he's not even wrestling tonight. And, yeah, I admit it's just your regular communal locker room. But Vinny has customised a corner of it with some funky purple curtains, some flashing disco lights and a shiny disco ball hung from the ceiling. And in that corner, Vinny watched the match. His personal space was invaded however by Biff Atlas. Still feeling the effects of the Eulogy on the chair from last week's HeldDOWN~!, Biff sported a neckbrace, a protective facemask, a protective mouthshield and a hospital panic button, leading to who knows where should he come into immediate peril. Biff seemed happy enough at first. But as soon as he went to speak, the sight of a metal folding chair sent him into a panic attack. Biff went into meltdown furiously tapping at his panic button, much to Vinny's confusion, ending an utterly pointless segment. OAOAST ZERO HOUR 2008 September 28th; Cleveland, Ohio LIVE on Pay-Per-View! ***Tim Cash -VS- Spencer Reiger*** In a rematch from last week's episode of HeldDOWN~!, the last real good guy in professional wrestling Tim Cash was nice enough to grant Spencer Reiger's request for payback. Cash tried to start the rematch as he did the original, with a handshake, to which Spencer just laughed and tried to remind Cash what happened last time he tried it. When Cash (politely) refused to take no for an answer, he ended up with a physical reminder, a slap to the face. Reiger paid for it though, as Cash took him down with an inside leg-sweep and started to work over the right knee. After a few simple set-up moves from Cash, Reiger bailed to the floor and wagged his finger. With Cash too much of a good guy to follow him to the floor Spencer was able to stall for almost a full 10 count to sort out his knee. Back inside, Reiger took over after a cheapshot right hand during a clean break in the corner. Reiger went to work on Cash, clubbing him with forearms and peppering him with chops. Not to mention a few cheapshots, Reiger showing what he learnt in OAOVW by distracting the referee with a "look over there" tactic allowing him an extra couple of blatant choking seconds. But Reiger's constant pauses to play to the crowd eventually cost him. A snapmare set Cash up for a dropped knee, but as he sprung off the bottom rope Reiger hit nothing but canvas! Cash took advantage with a trio of quick clotheslines, before going to the top rope and connecting on a big flying clothesline! Back to the knee, Cash delivered a kneebreaker. A double leg then set Reiger up for the Midwest Sling (Texas Cloverleaf)... and just as he did on HeldDOWN~!, Reiger quickly tapped to the hold. Winner: Tim Cash, via submission Post match, Cash seemed concerned for Reiger and checked on his condition before trying to get the crowd to give him a round of applause for his efforts. Not even the ultimate nice guy could get the crowd to warm to Spencer though. Cash would then offer Reiger the handshake again, his faith in fair play apparantly not damaged by the fact Reiger had already turned him down twice. The third time was not the charm, as Reiger pulled away at the last second to wipe his hand through his hair and leave poor Timmy hanging. But far from being insulted, Cash is a nice enough guy to see the humour in the embarrassment and laughed it off as Reiger left. The HeldDOWN~! recap took us back to the historic HeldDOWN~! PoseDOWN~.... edit by Patty : lol! I was to sick to write it, so I just had Malaysia go down on Jock in a hot tub in front of her sister. some people did some other stuff as well! Josh played pokemon like a bitch ass ho I kno that! ***Malaysia Nerdly -VS- Sugar Belle*** It was a case of wrong place, wrong time for Sugar Belle. And not just because her name didn't begin with an 'M' unlike the rest of the Women's Division. The young brunette rookie from Illinois (She's not even from Canada either! What the hell is she even doing here!?) came up against Malaysia Nerdly, a formidable task even when it's not her first match since losing the Women's Title. Malaysia came out in a foul mood and didn't even wait for the bell, storming forward as soon as she got into the ring. Poor Sugar was simply overwhelmed and pounded in the corner with referee Charles Robinson barely able to pull Malaysia off of her. Malaysia didn't let up and continued to pound on her inexperienced opponent before turning to her array of torturous moves. But even the sounds of Sugar squealing in pain as Malaysia pulled on her hair, pulled at her facial features, pulled at her shoulder sockets didn't seem to excite Malaysia like it usually would. The only pleasure Malaysia got from Sugar's suffering was letting out some frustration. Her frustrations were let out in a BIG way with a Fallaway Slam sending the youngster clean across the ring. Once Sugar gamely fought to her feet, she was run over with a brutal Yakuza Kick to the chest, not once but twice. That pretty much knocked the fight out of her and after being thrown unceremoniously onto her face by Malaysia, Sugar was trapped in the torturous Inverted Atomic Drop and forced into submission. Winner: Malaysia Nerdly, via submission Backstage we found The Christ Air Express in not-so strenuous preparations for their main-event match, busy playing HACKEY-SACK~! With a watching brief was Melody Nerdly in a distressed looking Space Invaders t-shirt, with Jamie O'Hara. Melody used her womanly charms to try and make sure O'Hara would have her guys' back should the numbers go from 2 on 2 to something less fair, since Baron wasn't around tonight. Unfortunately, Melody's nerd lingo didn't really register with the guy from the streets of Birmingham England, who listened to her three and a half minute plea and able to respond with just one word: "Wot?" If that's really a word. So Melody dumbed it down a few dozen notches. And despite her attempts to sound 'street' being an embarrassing, cringeworthy failure, O'Hara seemed to get the message and promised to have their back, "'specially if that prick Black wanna start somm'it." It was Melody's turn to be confused at what the hell was said and she inexplicably gave Jamie the black power salute before getting MARV and MEL together to head to the ring. NEXT WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! New Women's Champion Jade Rodez-Duncan in action for the first time. We hear from Christian Wright! Dictionaries at the ready! HeldDOWN PoseDOWN! Babyoil at the ready! Plus, United States Championship on the line! Colombian Heat vs. Alfdogg ***The Christ Air Express w/Melody Nerdly -VS- James Blonde and Faqu*** After their victory last week, Blonde and Faqu were crowing... well, mostly Blonde, Faqu doesn't do much in the way of crowing. But Blonde certainly did, openly mocking The CAE on the way to the ring and even to their face. Which would be a slightly risky move, if after a slap to the face on MEL he wasn't able to run and tag Faqu in. The big Samoan came in and despite MEL's best efforts with some clotheslines, some dropkicks and even a flying shoulder, he simply wasn't able to put Faqu down. A tag brought MARV in to try. With similar results. So Melody hopped up on the apron to engage in a 'flame war' with Blonde, distracting the referee and allowing both MARV and MEL to come in and lay into Faqu. And eventually, after a couple of attempts to drop him, Faqu was dropped with a Double Facecrusher. It didn't have too much effect however, forcing The CAE to follow up with a Double Kickflip, sending Faqu back where he got tied up in the ropes right by Blonde! Still in the middle of his arguement Blonde tagged in, completely unaware of what was going on around him. The moment he found himself face to face with both Nerdlys he froze and ran to his corner... to find Faqu tied up and unable to help! MARV and MEL tore right into the suddenly apologetic Blonde, subjecting him to a series of crisp double team attacks and getting the crowd fired up behind them. But as MEL picked MARV up in the electric chair for Sent From Above, Faqu was untied from the ropes and DESTROYED THEM BOTH WITH A HIGH BACK SUPLEX ON MEL!! MARV came down at a ridiculously ugly angle and rolled from the ring in pain. That left MEL all alone, knocked down off the ropes with a clothesline. Faqu was sent to the apron but Blonde was left with easy-pickings, delivering a couple of Marty Jannetty Fistdrops. A worried Melody tried in vain to get MARV back up and into the match but it was clear the youngest twin was in a bad way and wouldn't be able to continue. So poor Melody could only watch MEL be victimised by the 2/3s of the 6-Man Champions. Faqu dominated him in the teams corner with open handed attacks, getting backed up when he wouldn't break on the five count, at which point Blonde went to work with a choke with the tag rope. After this happened not twice, but three times, the crowd had had enough, as had Melody, who protested to the referee about the situation. Faqu dropped MEL with a Samoan Drop and went for the pin, but was told to pull him up at 2 by Blonde who wanted to come back in. With no end in sight to the punishment, help was at hand as JAMIE O'HARA suddenly ran to the ring! As he tried to convince the referee to let him replace MARV, Blonde got distracted from the match and pie-faced O'Hara off the apron. That fired the Brit up and he leapt to the apron, pulled off his tanktop and springboarded to the top... but got sent crashing back to the arena floor from a Faqu barge in mid-air!! Meanwhile, Blonde was caught napping with a small package from MEL... for a CLOSE 2 count! With a sudden second wind MEL hit the ropes, but again Faqu was there to snuff out the attack in his formative stages, striking MEL with a kick to the back. He then staggered into Illegally Blonde and the 3 count. Winner: James Blonde and Faqu, via pinfall Smug at his victory, Blonde raised Faqu's hand in victory. But their victory party was crashed, literally, as Jamie O'Hara returned to the air and caught Faqu with a Springboard Dropkick, knocking him right into Blonde! O'Hara went to work on Faqu with forearms, then baited him into missing a charge and pulling the top rope down on him. With Faqu out of the way, O'Hara knocked Blonde down with a spinning back kick to the jaw. O'Hara would then drag JB into position and deliver the 630 Splash!! Despite defeat, somewhat of a happy ending for The CAE, O'Hara mouthing away at Blonde as he left with a sore MEL and MARV who needed to be helped out by Melody. FIN.

Jade Rodez-Duncan and Melody Nerdly vs. Megan Skye and Holly Mann

Ravishaasing Rick Rude

They liked him enough to have plans to give him a good spot with Edge before the injury last spring, so it's strange that they haven't shown interest in someone with natural charisma in favor of someone with forced charisma. I'm not one of those people that strongly believe Cabana needs to align with CM Punk but he should be in a better spot then he is. It's not a issue of size and ability with Colt. It would've seemed Cabana and Sydal would be in opposite places. That has been one of the more interesting additions to WWE lately, bringing in people to be absolute jobbers. True jobbers, not jobbers in the Cabbageboy sense of the word but regularly used wrestlers with horrible names. Well they brought in Ortiz and gave him wins straight off and did the same with Braden Walker. Seems like after he bombed everything changed. Now they've got Cabana who's had one pre-match promo and lost three times, Spears who looks like he's got a ton of potential and has lost twice and Braddock, who certainly looks the part but has been given zero promo-time, zero character and zero wins. Anyone's guess if Sydal would be in the same boat if he hadn't earned brownie points with the Mayweather situation. As far as Colt goes, if him being released means I get to see my favourite wrestler wrestle again and against people who aren't the drizzling shits like Koslov, the sooner the better.

At least a couple of segments after Tony's match, please. COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~!, Michael Cole as ever alongside The Coach and thank you once again for spending your Thursday night with us. Still to come later on we've got The Badd Boys in action against Alfdogg and Sandman9000 in our mega main-event... and... I'm hearing there's something going on backstage. Have we got a camera back there? Conveniently enough we do! What luck! What that camera picks up is Christian Wright running through the corridors of the arena, pursued by The Meterosexual Monster! COLE Bohemoth must have been chasing Wright this whole time! COACH Get somebody back there already, who knows what this psychopath is capable of! Out of breath from the lengthy run for his life, Wright stumbles up against a catering table and throws the contents on the floor in a vain attempt to provide an obstacle for the bigman. Turning corners and dodging in and out of corridors, CW takes a sharp left and disappears out of view for a second. Bohemoth wades through the obstacles, including a trash can thrown in his path and turns the left to find... no-one. BOHEMOTH Come on you son of a bitch! Bohemoth looks around and to little surprise sees no-one coming out to face him. Kicking open a door, he looks inside the room, again finding no-one. As he storms back out, Bohemoth then comes to a stop as he sees an ajar door, helpfully labelled 'Boiler Room'. COLE Uh-oh. Bohemoth marches over and pulls the door open... ...and as he disappears inside, we suddenly hear a clattering sound from inside. The sounds continue, no real clue as to what's causing them until the door opens up a little and the cameraman bravely risks a shot inside, to find Bohemoth being attacked by CPA AND DETECTIVE BOSLEY!! COLE HEY! It was a setup! With CPA putting the boots in, Bosley using his telescopic police baton to dish out some police brutality and a crumpled trash can strewn near them, Bohemoth is beaten defenceless. In the background Christian Wright can be seen catching his breath after his lengthy escape. Bohemoth tries to get to his feet to fight back but under the barrage of stomps he simply can't. Once he's suitably weakened, CPA pulls him to his knees and holds his arms behind his back while Bosley goes to work with the baton. BOSLEY HOW'D'YA LIKE THAT, HUH!? C'MON ASSHOLE! HOW'D'YA LIKE THE FEEL OF JUSTICE! Bohemoth's torso wears the red marks from the baton as he's shoved unceremoniously to the ground by CPA. BOSLEY YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!! With Bo defenceless, Wright motions to VICE and they begin to drag him towards CW. His face and body screeches and squeals being dragged against the slick floor just adding to the punishment. VICE deliver Bo to CW's feet and he looks down at his former bodyguard with contempt, before SPITTING ON HIM! Bosley laughs it up at seeing that, until Bo suddenly threatens to spring to life, at which point he has to jump in with CPA and CW to subdue him down him once more. WRIGHT Restrain him! Doing just that, Bosley and CPA hold an arm a-piece as Bo is left helpless. They drag him a few feet forward while CW picks up a big WRENCH. BOSLEY YEAH! DO YOUR DAMN THING! CW pats the wrench in his hand a couple of times, lining Bo up, before taking a swing... *CLUNK* ...at a pipe next to him, sending a shot of red-hot STEAM right into Bohemoth's face!!! Bo cries out in pain with no way to guard his face with his arms restrained. The cruel VICE squad hold him for at least ten agonising seconds in the boiling steam before they throw him down, leaving Bo to cover his face with more pained shouts. Smirking down at him, Wright throws the wrench away, the metal echoing around the boiler room, silent except for Bosley's powerful laugh as the trio leave. COLE What a reprehensible attack, a sickening attack by the members of The Enterprise! And we need some help if anyone back there can hear me, because they could easily have blinded Bohemoth. COACH Good! At least that way, that wandering eye of his won't be falling on any other unsuspecting women from now on. COLE Give me a break.

Pass. Double pass.