King Cucaracha

Too late. Those 5 seconds trying to figure out what folder had vanished were 5 of the most nervous of my life! The room was just beginning to spin!

**Yeah if you guys can please send it to me, since Toxxic is off on holiday pretty imminently. X-Punk, if you're still having problems with not being able to send PMs or whatever and you're relaying through Taiga, then let Taiga know. Or Taiga take note if you're reading this.** Status of the show at the moment, I've got two matches on extensions. So IL and X-Punk, you've got time to get your stuff to me as well, no panic. Show will hopefully be up early tommorrow once everything that needs to be marked has been marked, with the Genesis card to go up at roughly the same time (I think it's all but typed up, there's a shocker, foreplanning.)

You'll be part of one of the hotter "rivalries" in the NFL with the Browns/Steelers which always makes for a great game atmosphere regardless of how well the Brownies do. You're also part of a fun division that features smash mouth defense from Baltimore and an exciting offense similar to Cleveland from Cincinnati. Cleveland fans still hate Baltimore since that's where the original team moved to so you have that bitter feud too. With all due respect, the guy is a quarter-day away from NE Ohio/SW Penn, following a sport that hardly exists in his native country, latching on a team that has sucked or not existed for years, with some of the most loyal and hardest-suffering fans in American sports. He's not part of anything. That's fair. Although I'm pretty good at hating people on principal. Especially if it's to fit in with popular opinion.

That's exactly the problem. Wrestling fans are fickle. If you turn someone every time the fans react the 'wrong' way, nobody would ever stay alligned on one side or the other for more than 4 months. "Oh, they're booing Cena, so we'll turn him heel... then when the people become fans, we'll turn him face... then when he bombs as a face, let's turn him heel again!" Talk about an awful business strategy. Surely it'd be better to look at the root course of who's booing and why and whether it even matters, instead of flip-flopping around with their #1 guy? The people who are booing him are the same people who'll boo him every time he's a face. If those people really mattered and really hated Cena enough to warrant turning him, surely it'd show up financially somehow. Last I checked, it hadn't. It's the EXACT same arguement all the time. "I don't like this version of Cena, I'm a white male aged 18-30, so he MUST turn heel!" And here's the second problem. If that's such a surefire idea, why don't they just do that in the first place and not worry about the hassle of turning him heel? Because they're reluctant to make faces act bad. Name one face that's been allowed to for all intents and purposes act like a heel since Austin in 1999? None. I don't doubt this idea would work. I do doubt WWE would allow it.

If there was a 'concept' originally, it was another show to blow off a big storyline in the Summer. There was no real gimmick to it, it was just a second big show. And to be fair that trend continued even when the model changed to a PPV a month. I think 2006 was the year that changed it. That's the first year I can remember when the show basically served as just another step in the road, where all the big matches and big feuds just continued on past Summerslam regardless instead of ending there. This is really the problem with not having 'B-level' shows. Everything used to lead up to one of the big four. Now, in packing every show with a big match or a special gimmick, it boosts all the PPVs to the same sort of level, which takes away some of the original 'A-show' lusture from the big four. To be fair, this year's been a little better with distinguishing PPVs from one another though. Last year, you show me a picture of Cena and Orton fighting or Undertaker and Batista fighting, without the set in the background and you could honestly take a wild guess between 6-7 PPVs that it could have come from. At least this year they've freshened most programs up a little, so you don't have the same pairings 4-5 PPVs in a row, unlike 2007. It's the same sort of problem TNA had with it's PPVs in 2005, plenty of good shows but totally interchangeable with one another.

Decades of heartache broken up only by occasional periods of the team not existing. There's an impending quarterback controversy, with one of the guys being a scrub coming off of a flukey good year and the other being a latent homosexual from the nation's most abhorrent major college football program. The defense should be better but won't be. The head coach is one Shoney's breakfast buffet away from a major coronary situation. The team plays in a city playfully (but accurately) referred to as "The Mistake by the Lake." 8-8. I'm sold.

I like Poyet and reckon he'll make a good manager. But he could do with more experience at a smaller club. I don't really begrudge City success either. They've got a solid team with a few players of real quality, even besides Robinho. If they go about it the right way I'd have no problem with them becoming a top 4 club. But this shiekh they've got in has pretty much said he's going to spend 30m per player on 18 players to get a Champions League winning squad together. To me, there should be no pride in that. It just taints the achievement when you as good as buy it. Buying one or two big names, okay. But a whole team? I doubt anyone besides staunch City fans would want to see that.

Given the long quality build for Jericho and Shawn, it really feels like it should be the main event show closer and not a mid-card placement between the SDScramble and a woman's title match. I agree. Except now Shawn's injured, they're going to have to legislate for that. I can't see them putting a less than 100% Shawn in the main-event, especially since now they might have to trim some time to spare Shawn some pain and/or change up the finish a little. Raw Scramble'll get the main-event. Cody/DiBiase vs. Cryme Tyme to open.

If I were a betting man... or, someone who betted more regularly... I'd say he and Ashley had a personal falling out. They both seem like pretty strong minded people, they probably clashed over something (or everything), Keegan got worked up, Ashley didn't take kindly and sent him on his way. If indeed he has been sacked and it's not going to be changed to 'mutual consent' once they go official with it. I think the Barton thing had something to do with it, anyway. I doubt Ashley would have risked getting rid of Keegan at the height of his popularity. Not a smart move. But Keegan sticking by Barton, I assume, didn't go down too well with certain sections of the fans and there was a chance to do it with a question hanging over him from some people. Call me cynical. Well, I guess as a United fan I shouldn't be happy about City getting this new investor. But seeing Abramovich getting out-Abramoviched on Robinho has made my day, for now. Plus, if it gives me a proper reason to hate them, all the better. Hating on the weak is no fun.

So, new NFL convert here. After years of intermitently watching NFL games and trying and failing to get into it, watching the Superbowl finally won me over this year. Since I've got no connections to any US city or state I figured I'd stick the names of all the teams in a hat and just pick one, so I've at least got someone to follow. And I ended up with the Cleveland Browns. Which works out pretty well for straight off since we get the Dallas game live this weekend. Anyway, point is I'm still new to... well, virtually everything. So anyone care to give me a nice, dumbed down rundown of what to expect?

November 9th, 2009. I think.

So, you haven't actually been watching WWE for months? THAT explains it!

COLE Up next at AngleSlam, the match for the Women's Championship! Our broadcast colleague Josh Matthews is standing by with the challenger right now. Back at the AngleSlam interview set stands Matthews, with a very pre-occupied looking Jade Rodez. MATTHEWS Jade, we're just moments away from your shot at the Women's Title. Weeks and weeks of intensive training have gone into this match for you and this is it, it's all come down to this. Are you feeling nervous at all, having to step into the ring for a third time with Malaysia Nerdly, who you've never beaten before? JADE Uh... yeah, I mean... ya know, a little? Hehe. Jade rubs her hands together frantically to get her mind on something else, eyes wide. MATTHEWS Stupid question I suppose. Well you're sure to have the support of the thousands in the arena, the millions watching on Pay Per View, not to mention your mother Krista... Jade's hand rubbing gets ever more frenetic. MATTHEWS I'm not really helping, am I? JADE Not really no. MATTHEWS Okay, well I can see you're trying to stay focused so we'd best send it back out... "WOAAAAAHHHHHH GIRL!!" ...you know what, I'm not even going to try and explain why Alix Maria Spezia rides into shot on the back of a white horse and calls it to a stop, with the help of a just in-shot horse trainer. I'm just not even going to attempt it. The fact is, that's what happens, okay. No explanation either for the kilt she's wearing. She just is. Deal with it. JADE Alix!? ALIX The time of reckoning is upon us young warrior! Tonight is your chance to make history, history that will be spoken upon for many a moon to come! Days yore, the good people of San Antonioshire, they will speak of a young woman who showed courage, determination and what a good Los Angeles hairdresser can do for a person! For tonight, you will be a hero! You will defy all odds! For, Malaysia, the enemy. She may well take away folicles of your hair. She may well take a number of your teeth as souvenirs. And there's a pretty good chance that given the chance she'll take your innocence too, if ya know what I mean. But, Jade, SHE WILL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM!!!! Or, uh, ya know, OUR WOMEN'S TITLE!!! JADE Alix... where did you get that horse from!? ALIX Well I didn't get it from Sears, that's for sure! Infact they were quite rude when I enquired with one of their members of staff about it. So fuck you Sears! It don't matter none, son, what's important is it's inspirational! You see a hot chick riding a big ol' horse, you sit up and you take notice of what they're saying, as the rude Sears employee I chased down a narrow alleyway will attest to. Don't tell me you've never seen Braveheart? JADE I saw a trailer for it when I was in high school. ALIX Really? Wouldn't that make me quite old then? Gee I don't like that one bit. JADE Uh... why are... you not wearing any, uh... any underwear? ALIX DUH! Because I'm Scottish! Isn't that right lads? For no reason at all (seriously, you want explanations, you're in the wrong damn place), The Last Kings Of Scotland walk by. DANNY BOY Aye lassie! SCOTTISH SCOTT Aye! ALIX Aye matey! Shiver me timbers and all that! See, now I get why those Scottish people in pirate movies say that. Because wearing no underwear is really making my timbers shiver something rotten right about now! I think I'm gonna go change real quick, you okay waiting here with my horse? JADE I've got my match. ALIX Oh, well, in that case maybe my below the belt nakedness'll work as a great distraction techniqu... JADE NO NO! Rush back and change, I can wait, really! ALIX Well if you insist. I mean, do you want to win this title or what? Sheesh! Alix jumps down off of the horse and the horse trainer takes it safely away, causing Josh to almost faint. JADE Wouldn't it have been quicker to take the horse? ALIX Jade, this is a public place of work, it's no place for an inhebriated woman with no underwear to be riding a horse! Very irresponsible of you to even suggest it. Just wait until I tell your mother, she'll be so proud of you! Ooh-hoo, an up-draft! With a big grin on her face Alix goes skipping off, leaving Jade to go back to dreading the worst about her match again. COACH What I wouldn't have given to have been that horse. COLE [i]Okay[/i], well, the Women's Title match will be coming up momentarily. While we've got a spare moment there's just time to remind you about our next Pay Per View offering on September 28th and that will be entitled Zero Hour, live from Cleveland, Ohio. Just four weeks away now, so start saving your money for that one folks. Not in a bank of course, that'd just be madness with the state of the economy in this country, just stick it all in an old sock or something. COACH Speaking of old socks... COLE There can be no good segueway out of that line, so let's just go up to the ring shall we? *DINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall... and, it is for the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP! "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits, bringing out a familiar group of dancers onto the stage. Within the space of a week Jade has upgraded from solo entrance to her mother's trusty dancers all wearing identical cheerleader outfits to hers and launching into a high energy routine! Jade doesn't look any the less nervous for the company and doesn't even try to match the professionals around her, just smiling and waving as the dancers do their work. One person who does join in though is Alix Maria Spezia, arriving a little later, now fully clothed to the disappointment of many I'm sure. Unfortunately she obviously got the wrong memo and is dressed as a cowgirl instead of a cheerleader. Looking confused as to why the dancers aren't dressed like her, she soon forgets all about sartorial differences and launches in with them. COACH Boy, that was a quick wardrobe change. BUFFER Introducing on her way to the ring, the challenger. Accompanied to the ring by ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! She now resides in Los Angeles, California! The second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" "When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies" Jade marches to the ring with a nervous look on her face, not in the mood for any dancing. Even more so than usual. She climbs up the ring steps and with a deep breath enters the squared circle, acknowledging the cheers and many signs wishing her good luck with a shy wave. COACH You know, the song says it all, "Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it." Jade, I know Mommy chose your music for you and really it couldn't be any more inappropriate for you if she tried, but maybe you oughta take a listen and bail on out of here real quick. COLE Jade isn't bailing anywhere Coach. She's worked incredibly hard these past three or four weeks to prepare herself for this match, she wants to win this Women's Title more than anything, to carry on her part of the Duncan legacy. COACH Well that's sweet an' all, but Malaysia's not just beaten Jade twice before, she's completely and utterly squashed her both times! In five minutes or less! Maybe if Jade's spent those four weeks learning some new wrestling moves or how to take sadistic levels of punishment she might be okay this time. But from what I can tell, she's got a cheerleader outfit from a fancy dress shop, took a trip to Krista's hairdresser and played home invasion with her bestest best friends. And that's it. COLE She's done a lot more than that Coach. She's been learning from two of the very best, her mother and Alix Maria Spezia. Their methods might not be conventional but they're successful. The out-of-breath Alix belatedly makes it to the ring in Jade's corner, just in time as the sound of a whip cracking starts up "Wild Side" by Motley Crue. Jade takes a big cartoonish gulp as the mighty frame of the Women's Champion, Malaysia Nerdly, forms on the entrance way. Carrying her cat o' nine tails, Malaysia smiles to herself looking down on the ring, rubbing the main plate of her Women's Title. BUFFER And, introducing her opponent. Hailing from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. She is the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns... the reigning and defending OAOAST Women's Champion... MMMMAAAAALLLAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIAAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Malaysia cracks her whip on the floor in the aisle, unnerving a good number of the fans nearby. Not to mention Jade, who looks to Alix for a little moral support and finds her mother's girlfriend cowering behind the ring steps. COLE That is one sick pup right there. The Women's Champion, who has absolutely dominated the women's division since she showed up at Jock Mulligan's side months ago, to the point that Jade is the only female in the OAOAST who's agreed to face her in weeks, let alone requested it herself! Malaysia takes her sweet time climbing the ring steps, giving them a crack with the nine tails as well sending a metallic thud ringing out. From the outside, Alix points out Jade as the one who challenged her in hopes that she'll be left unharmed. Referee Charles Robinson quickly takes away the whip as Malaysia enters, taking the Women's Title belt as well and holding it overhead for the crowd. Before putting it outside he gives Jade a chance to look at it. COLE Here we go, can Jade finally slay the mighty Malaysia? *DINGDINGDING!* And with that the bell sounds. Jade looks nervous to leave her corner, as Malaysia leans back in hers with that same sick smile. COACH So, how long before Jade's forced to drop the Duncan name after she shames it again tonight? I give it a week to let the paperwork go through. COLE Why do you always have to keep bagging on Jade? She's just a sweet, simple girl from Grand Rapids, what's wrong with that? COACH Well, plenty if you ask Krista, else she wouldn't be doing this whole makeover thing. Jade gets the crowd clapping to try and boost a little confidence she's lacking, before the first tentative lock-up. However Malaysia has no interest in locking up and as she strokes her hand down Jade's newly styled hair, the freaked out challenger breaks away and scurries back to her corner. Alix is quickly called into action and with a mischevious smile, she imparts some advic-- JADE NO! Eww, oh my God, no, I'm not doing that! No! Shrugging, Alix walks off and tells Jade "fine, do it your way, prude" leaving us to only speculate what Alix's idea could have been. Shaking it off, Jade goes tentatively back to Malaysia and this time they do lock up. Malaysia immediately muscles her opponent back into the corner and pens her in. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" Malaysia gives a clean break, but only after having spent the five count staring into Jade's eyes and further unnerving her. Malaysia backs up and encourages Jade to come to her. And having had enough of being intimidated, Jade runs forward and smacks Malaysia across the jaw with an elbow strike! COLE Oh, there we go! What a shot by Jade! COACH And what little effect it had, look! Wiping at her jaw Malaysia continues to smile away, nodding her head to show that she likes it, she really likes it. Jade looks confused about what to do next at seeing this and runs in, connecting with a second elbow! More head-nodding is the only response she gets though. So Jade rushes past Malaysia and comes off the ropes looking for more momentum. But Malaysia's eyes suddenly light up at the last second, and with a gleeful look as if to say 'your turn', she cuts Jade off with a devestating clothesline!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH And that's the beginning of the end. How close to the end just depends on how long Malaysia's gonna drag this out. Which could be a while, because she's having so much fun right now. Jade holds her jaw and tries to crawl out of the ring, but is stopped by Malaysia placing her foot on her back. With Jade pinned down Malaysia then places her foot on Jade's hand and pushes up on the top rope, standing with all her body-weight on the hand causing Jade to scream in pain! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Break by Malaysia. Jade writhes around on the mat holding her hand and Malaysia takes a second to savour her moans of pain. COACH You think Malaysia's into cheerleaders Michael? COLE What sort of a question is that!? COACH I like to think she is. Ya know, so naive, so innocent, so unused to the pain that she adores. How horny must Malaysia be right now? COLE You're sick. Malaysia drags Jade back up and holds her in a one-hand chinlock, bringing her left arm around with a crushing forearm shot to the chest. As Jade drops to her knees Malaysia's smile suddenly disappears though, as she sees Alix on the outside eagerly waving her arms. Doing her best to ignore the distraction Malaysia picks Jade up, clubbing her with another forearm. Still Alix keeps waving though and Malaysia stops for a second. Before Alix can capitalise on the distraction though, Malaysia suddenly FISHOOKS Jade and shocks Alix into (momentary) silence! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Again Malaysia breaks on five, but gets a warning from the referee. She then turns back to Alix... to find The Hollywood Bad Girl waving her cat o'nine tails at her!! Malaysia's eyebrows furrow and she goes to confront Alix, only to stop in her tracks as Alix starts to grind seductively with the whip between her teeth! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Sending the San Antonio crowd into rapture isn't neccessarily tough. But Alix manages to do the tougher task, keeping Malaysia's attention transfixed on her. And it allows Jade to recover, turning around and delivering a PUNCH DOWNSTAIRS ON MALAYSIA!! The Women's Champion doubles over in shock and Jade forces her down into a roll-up... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COACH Di... did she just use a lowblow!? COLE That might be one way to pour some cold water on Malaysia's advances. And no prizes for guessing who taught Jade the virtues of that move. Malaysia looks angry now as she gets to her feet, even the elbow strikes of Jade not enough to make her smile about this pain. Firing four quick shots, Jade hits the ropes. This time she anticipates the wild swing of Malaysia and ducks her clothesline, coming off the far ropes and delivering a front dropkick on the run, catching Malaysia in the stomach. The force knocks Malaysia back into the ropes, Jade drawing off the cheers of the crowd as she comes charging in... getting backdropped over the top, but saved from a hard spill to the floor by Alix! Alix helps her back onto the apron, where Jade delivers an instinctive shoulder through the ropes. From there Jade looks a little lost, so Alix gives her a 'helpful' shove up over the ropes into a sunset flip... ...NO! Malaysia hangs onto the rope to block being taken down! ALIX Hey, referee, tell Melody to get her hand off the ropes! MALAYSIA I'm not Melody! ALIX Oh, okay Maggie... no no, wait, Mindy, right? Or is it Molly? No no, she's the chick with the camera... uh, no, don't tell me, it's on the tip of my tongue... err, Marvin? Monica? Maria? Makela? ...Abdullah!? MALAYSIA GRRRRR... IT'S MALAYSIAAaaaaaaa!! Malaysia forgets where she is and falls back into the pin! 1... 2... NO! Jade is up quickly and latches onto Malaysia with a sleeper hold. With pure brute strength Malaysia climbs to her feet anyway though and rams Jade back into the turnbuckles! COLE The power of this woman is unbelievable. COACH Malaysia is unbelievable. Even two on one, Jade is no match for Malaysia. Sitting Jade on the top turnbuckle, Malaysia grabs two handfuls of hair before YANKING her back down to the canvas! Jade lands with a thud and groans in pain, giving Malaysia the chance to get her bearings back. As soon as she does, she leaves Jade behind though, going to the outside in pursuit of Alix! The fans rise to their feet as Alix is ready for Malaysia, whip in hand brandished like a ninja weapon. But referee Robinson is able to get in between them before they can come to blows. Malaysia is ordered back into the ring, before Robinson takes drastic measures to get control and risks being lynched by the people of San Antonio as he THROWS ALIX OUT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE I think the referee's had enough of Alix's distractions and this crowd doesn't like it one bit! But Alix is being sent to the back! COACH It's about time too. Take away Jade's safety blanket and let's see how tough she is! Alix tries to protest, tries to reason, tries to seduce Robinson with a sultry dance with Malaysia's whip. None of them are working though and Alix is banished to the backstage area. With her best puppy-dog eyes she sulks off, leaving Jade without any guidance as Malaysia stalks towards her in the ring. With no distractions to bother her, Malaysia picks Alix up by the wrist and pulls her into a knee to the stomach. By the hair, she again throws Jade hard to the canvas. Malaysia then delivers a big legdrop and covers... 1... 2... No! Realising all alone, Jade shows some fight and catches Malaysia in a casual moment with a punch to the gut. And another. But Malaysia just shrugs them off and clubs Jade in the back. Malaysia then delivers a backbreaker, before stretching the challenger out across the knee. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" COLE Jade might not have Alix's moral support anymore, but she's got these thousands of San Antonians in her corner! COACH Oh good, maybe one of them knows a shortcut to the hospital. Fists clenched, Jade feeds off the energy and manages to get her knee up into Malaysia's chest. A second knee catches Malaysia a little higher. And a well placed third lands on the ear, allowing Jade to escape the submission. Her freedom doesn't last long though. Malaysia grabs Jade before she can get away and drags her away from the ropes, grabbing her in a waistlock and looking for a suplex. Jade kicks her feet frantically and refuses to be taken over, managing to counter with an unorthodox looking chin breaker! Straight back up is Malaysia though and she shoulder charges Jade, right back into a corner. Jade falls to a knee and Malaysia presses her throat against the middle rope. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Malaysia whips Jade across the ring, charging in... and MISSING with a corner splash! COLE Now here's an opening! Can Jade capitalise? Hitting the ropes, Jade launches herself with a crossbody... CAUGHT! Malaysia catches Jade with ease and sends her flying with a Fallaway Slam!! "OOOHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Well there's a surprise, she failed. Malaysia crawls over and covers... 1... 2... NO! Malaysia looks surprised at the kickout, but soon consoles herself with the fact she can dish out some more pain. She pulls Jade up, lifting her over her shoulder and tries to position her in the Gory Special. Jade struggles around trying to get free... but can't and is soon being stretched in all sorts of unnatural positions! COACH Oh yeah, she's got her on the rack now! You know she's got a rack down in the Nerdly family basement? What do you reckon she uses that for? COLE I dread to think. In immense pain Jade shouts out and brings the smile flooding back to Malaysia's face. Jade's face is etched in agony and referee Robinson is right there ready to call for the submission. But the crowd sense Jade is in trouble and increase their support again. And it seems to work. Malaysia lets Jade suffer for a few more seconds before starting to bend even further forward to apply even more pressure to the human rack. It looks like Jade is moments away from calling it quits with her spine being torqued to near breaking point. But she's doing this for Krista and something suddenly kicks in, Duncan DNA perhaps, as she lets out a loud groan... not of pain, but of exertion, fighting against the hold and arching herself back the other way!! Malaysia looks shocked and doesn't react in time to stop Jade, reversing the hold into a sunset flip pin... COLE COUNTER BY JADE! 1... 2... NO! Malaysia strikes first with a knee to cut Jade off at the pass. COLE And just as Jade was starting to get something going, Malaysia shuts her right back down. COACH Yeah, I mean, Jade's faring better than she ever has. Even I admit it's an improvement. But she's still no match for Malaysia! With a scowl Malaysia pulls Jade up onto her shoulders. Turning away from the ropes, she then DRIVES her down with a Powerbomb and stacks her on her shoulders for the pin... COACH That's it. 1... 2... KICKOUT!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE NO! It's NOT it! This is Jade's night, this is the defining night of her young life and she's not about to go down without a fight!! COACH Alright, calm down dude. Malaysia grabs Jade and calls for the end, before hoisting her up again. Up on the shoulders Jade suddenly sparks to life though, raining down punches to the head. With Malaysia dazed, Jade then pushes herself forward AND DROPS MALAYSIA WITH A DDT!! COLE What a move! Jade with a counter, from the jaws of possible doom from that second powerbomb! COACH Where did she get THAT from!? COLE Take a wild guess! Both Jade and Malaysia are down and referee Robinson starts his standing ten count. The crowd are loud in trying to wake Jade up, seeing an opportunity for her. Jade stirs first to their excitement. COLE Come on Jade, make the cover! You can do it! And she does! 1... 2... NO! "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" Slow to their feet, Malaysia and Jade are both up at the same time. But it's Jade who's got the adrenaline rush and she strikes first, stunning Malaysia with some elbows. With all her strength she manages to whip Malaysia into a corner, before following her in with Double Knees~! Jade runs the ropes as Malaysia staggers out of the corner. The challenger ducks a clothesline and comes to a stop, catching Malaysia with the Gamengiri as she turns around! COLE Kick to the face, she could have it! Cover by an eager Jade... 1... 2... NO! COLE Again only two! But it seems like the longer this match goes, the more confidence Jade is feeling in herself and it's that confidence that's making all the difference, because the Women's Champion is on the ropes like we've never seen! Firing up again the challenger watches Malaysia to her feet, then paws her with an open left hand. Then paws her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360... NO! Malaysia cuts her off with a boot. The Women's Champion then pulls Jade in and again signals for the end. COACH You were saying? COLE Could it be that devestating piledriver of Malaysia's? If it is, it's dream over! Malaysia elevates Jade up over her shoulder... but Jade kicks and struggles to escape down the back! Reaching back Jade tries to hook Malaysia up for a backslide. Malaysia refuses to go though and spins Jade to face her, shoving her back a step and delivering a HARD Yakuza style kick to the chest! Jade is almost turned inside out and Malaysia stacks her on her shoulders for the quick pin attempt... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Malaysia has never had this much problem putting an opponent away, she's never encountered this much resistance before. And you have to wonder if she's getting frustrated. COACH Probably. She's had her fun, now it's time for Jade to slink off and lick her wounds. Stalking Jade, Malaysia charges and bowls her over with a clothesline. Jade is rolled right the way over this time and slumps sadly to the mat, on her last legs. MALAYSIA OVER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" With handfuls of hair she then pulls Jade to her knees. With Jade's hair tearing at the roots she stops and savours the strands of blonde for a couple of seconds, before looking to finally finish Jade off. Reaching down she gutwrenches Jade and muscles her back up over the shoulder. COACH Here it comes. Malaysia carries Jade around and picks her spot, centre of the ring... ...but suddenly stops. In a last ditch effort to save herself Jade grabs a hold of Malaysia's hair and tugs away! Malaysia lets out a shout as it's her roots being tugged at for once, that shout soon turning into a moan of pleasure as the pain starts to sink in. But in this moment of pleasure, she finds herself distracted from the job at hand. After a few more tugs Jade starts to feel Malaysia's grip soften. And she's able to turn to her side a little. COACH Come on, drop her! Drop her already! COLE No, she's fighting it Coach, Jade is fighting it! COACH No, no! Malaysia finally realises what's going on and clamps her hands back together... but by now it's too late, as Jade pushes herself off of Malaysia's shoulder, still holding onto the hair of the Women's Champion... ...AND BRINGING HER DOWN WITH A REVERSE X-FACTOR!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH :O COLE THE MOVE! THE COVER? Jade even looks shocked for a second, before snapping to life to capitalise, jumping on top of Malaysia and hooking the legs... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE YES! YES YES, JADE DID IT, JADE WINS!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* In shock and elation Jade slaps her hands to her face and climbs to her feet, looking at the referee as if waiting for him to shake his head and say it was only two. But instead Robinson raises her hand in victory and Jade starts to jump for joy around the ring! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the contest... and the NNEEEEEEEEWWWWW OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... JJJAAAAAADDEEEE RRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE What a scene in San Antonio! A year ago Jade Rodez broke from the shackles of The Enterprise! And on this night, after a year of heartache and upheaveal, Jade has done what no other woman could do, she has beaten Malaysia Nerdly and she has won the OAOAST Women's Championship! Absolutely unbelievable! Do you believe in miracles!? COACH Well, I didn't, but... this is a miracle alright! Jade is handed the Women's Championship and she clutches it in her arms, close to tears. Her celebration is cut short by Malaysia Nerdly getting to her feet, holding the back of her head and raging. She rages at no-one in particular though as Jade and the referee are quickly out of the ring and out of harm's way down the aisle. Still wide-eyed in disbelief, Jade raises the title over her head and lets out a relieved shout, cheered wildly by the crowd. COLE This is a fantastic moment and I'm so pleased to be a part of it. After all Jade has gone through, tonight she's done her mother Krista proud. The Duncan name is in safe hands Coach! COACH Yeah, yeah, whatever. COLE And she crammed all your taunts down your throat, didn't she? COACH Yeah, take it easy, okay? Nobody likes a gloater. In her celebration Jade raises the title belt one last time to the crowd before she disappears through the curtains and gets backstage. Tired, she walks weakly. But she suddenly gets a burst of energy as she sees Krista backstage waiting for her, running over and jumping into her mother's arms in delight. Alix looks like a third wheel for a second and joins in the hug as well so as not to feel left out. COLE It's a Duncan family celebration at AngleSlam! Jade, Krista and Alix's hug continues... ...as we cut away, into the locker room of The In Crowd, to see none other than LEON RODEZ watching all this on a TV monitor. With hands on hips, Leon wears a glum smile on his face as he rests a hand on the TV set watching her niece's celebration. Behind him, Zack Malibu walks by and stops with a look of concern. ZACK You okay man? LEON ...huh? Yeah... yeah, I'm great. Why wouldn't I be? Leon turns the TV set off as we go back into the arena.

Sorry folks, my match has been done for a day (honest!) but I've only just managed to get on the internet to do anything about it.

I don't know why, but I'm still not sold on The Brian Kendrick. I love the jacket. I like the theme song. I like the dynamic with him and 'Zeke. I'm a big fan of Kendrick as a wrestler and always have been. It's just... I don't know why, but the whole thing hasn't really clicked yet for me. Much as I like Kendrick, he's not a brilliant promo (especially when people keep comparing his character to someone who was like Brian Pillman). (EDIT: Bearing in mind, I haven't seen this week's Smackdown yet) And his in-ring stuff as a heel needs a little work, because he's working like a guy twice his size and it's not believable to see him dominating guys even a little bigger than him like Super Crazy or Scotty Goldman.

Hell In A Swimming Pool- A stip so crazy, even I didn't write for it.

I'm a huge 24/7 mark. It basically made Crash's career, Steve Blackman's career and it gave something for guys at the lower end of the roster something to do (like The Posse!), all at once, that was at least entertaining. The match in the amusement park with Crash and The Headbangers was a high point. Basically everything with Crash, aside from the Backlash 2000 match, was good to great for what it was, filler. Then they hit a real low-point with Brisco and Patterson, or more specifically the KOTR match, the stuff leading up to it wasn't that bad. After that, they had Blackman and Raven hold it which helped to re-establish it. Raven I guess is the forgotten man behind Blackman and Crash, despite I assume being the guy with the most reigns. Raven/Kane/Big Show, another high-point. Big Show's reign took the belt to a higher level yet and Rhyno's run kept it up there. I guess Rhyno/Raven is the true greatest match of the era. By the Invasion angle it was involved in some pretty big things with some pretty big names, like Van Dam, Hardy, Jericho, Undertaker. I guess it was into 2002 and Bradshaw's reign where it just tailed off into nothing. Until then it more often than not served a purpose. Sure it was a 'joke belt' a lot of the time, but it gave people at the bottom of the care something to do, joke or not, unlike nowadays.

Reading it and realising how far I was out made me feel pretty old too. So, thanks.

COLE We are back and we're set for women's action on the eve of AngleSlam, let's send it up to the ring with Michael Buffer! And that we do, to see the sullen face of Holly Mann, formerly Holly-Wood of course. Different name, same bad attitude as she crouches in the middle of the ring impatiently waiting for somebody to get the hell on with things. BUFFER This contest is scheduled for one fall! In the ring, from Las Vegas, Nevada. She is the driving force behind the greatest rock n' wrestling band in all of professional wrestling, The Heavenly Rockers... she is "THE ANGEL OF DEATH"... HHHOOOOOOLLLLLLYYYYYYYY... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Hollyman? I don't get it. COLE It's not supposed to be a pun Coach. COACH It's not? Oh. Weak! Holly mouths off to referee Charles Robinson for daring to try and go over some rules, "I've done this before moron" her reply. She then turns her glare back to the entrance way, still impatient. After a long stall surely called for by Krista to build anticipation, finally some music hits. And not music we're used to, the punchy sounds of "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls. "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often, before eventually out through the entrance walks Jade Rodez-Duncan, ...IN A CHEERLEADER'S OUTFIT!? COLE Wow! COACH Oh lord, it has begun! COLE The Duncanizing of Jade Rodez is complete! Looking more than a little self-conscious Jade walks out with a shy smile on her face, waving quaintly to the crowd. Her quaintness isn't quite the image to be going for though and behind her, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA skips out and starts to try and coach Jade on her entrance. "Here, just follow my lead!" she cries. And as Alix leaps forward and flails around with wild pseudo-cheerleader steps and cheers, Jade tries her darned best to keep up and follow Alix's lead, but following the hyper Alix is some task for the most athletic of people and Jade ends up looking a bit of a mess, completely out of time. To make matters worse, Alix seems to forget halfway through her routine why she's out in the arena and does a splits finale before soaking up the applause of the crowd, completely forgetting about Jade who just decides to leave her to it. "When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies" BUFFER And making her way to the ring, the opponent. Accompanied to the ring by ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! She now resides in Los Angeles, California! The second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Jade slides into the ring, her first instinct to pull the hem of her skirt down to not reveal too much leg. COLE Okay, Duncanizing is maybe not quite [i]complete[/i], but this is certainly a dramatic makeover for Jade. No pink tracksuit tops in sight! COACH Duncanizing isn't a word you dolt! It's Duncanifying. Get it right! Still wearing a nervous smile Jade waves to the crowd again, taking a deep, calming breath. Across the ring Holly just sneers at all of this new 'razamatazz'. COLE So, the 'new and improved' in her mother's words Jade Rodez-Duncan, with a pre-AngleSlam tester here tonight. Let's see how Alix's unique training methods have worked. COACH Now, I can't say I don't approve of the new look. But this 'new and [i]improved[/i]' talk is gonna get shot down real quick the moment the bell rings, because you know Krista and Alix ain't done squat to prevent Jade stinking up a wrestling ring. She's got a fancy new haircut for the first time in 5 years and a nice manicure, but she's in the ring with a former OAOAST Women's Champion who'll tear all that to shreds in seconds. And this is even before she has to face Malaysia again on Sunday! *DINGDINGDING!* As the bell sounds, Holly walks out towards Jade. Looking to make a good impression, Jade quickly gets the fans clapping in her support and that stops Holly in her tracks yelling at everybody to pipe down. With the crowd going, Jade locks up with Holly and they jockey for position, until Holly sweeps out a foot and causes Jade to faceplant into the canvas! COACH Haha! See, whaddid I tell ya? Rubbing at her nose Jade is called over to the corner by Alix. ALIX Okay, I'm not gonna lie to you... that was pretty embarrassing. But I think that old woman over there was routing through her purse when it happened so I don't think EVERYBODY saw it. Okay, go get 'em! Hardly bouyed by that peptalk Jade walks back into another lock-up. Again there's a tussling for position and Jade seems to fare a little better this time. But Holly uses all her veteran instincts, complaining of a hairpull and taking advantage of the referee stepping out of position for a second as she pulls Jade down to the mat by the hair! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Holly dusts her hands in satisfaction and allows Jade back up. ALIX Come on people! LET'S - GO - JADE - SHE'S - REALLY - GREAT - AND SHE - NEEDS - OUR - HELP - CAUSE SHE'S - NOT - DOING - REAL - GREAT - RIGHT - NOW - YEAH! Surprisingly, that chant doesn't catch on. COACH If it's more than three syllables, these people just ain't responding. Jade dusts herself off and tries one more time engaging with the former Women's Champion. And this time she has an ace up her sleeve, as she surprises Holly with a schoolgirl roll-up! COLE Hey! 1... 2... No! Away scurries Jade to a corner before Holly, angered at the quick roll-up, can do anything about it. COLE Well that was a nice move. COACH It was a roll-up. If that 's what passes for new and improved, she must have been REALLY bad before. And, I guess she was. So go Jade! Hey, maybe she'll do a wristlock next, wouldn't that just be mind-blowing? Suddenly Holly is taking things a touch more serious and she calls Jade back in to get on with the match. Jade first has to get the fans clapping again though. Once that's done she looks for the lock-up... and finds a knee buried in the midsection instead! Holly pounds away on the back with forearms, dropping Jade to all fours and then paintbrushing the side of her head with her boot. Jade tries to get back up quickly, but Holly grabs her newly styled blonde hair and throws her face-first into the canvas! Pushing up, Jade's faced is slammed in again! Holly then turns to Alix as she makes Jade think about it, then slams the face a third time. ALIX Hey... don't I know you? HOLLY Wha... of course you know me you idiot! I'm married to Logan. ALIX Mario Logan? HOLLY No, Logan Mann, Heavenly Rockers, formerly The Saints, you might remember him from kicking your ass so many times? ALIX Nope, doesn't ring a bell. HOLLY Oh for crying out loud Alix, I'm Northstar's step-sister! ALIX Northstar? Nope, doesn't ring a bell. HOLLY Grrr! With Holly distracted with this futile attempt at reminiscing, Jade manages to sneak up with another schoolgirl roll-up! 1... 2... No! Holly is back up quick and stomps Jade down. COLE Jade almost surprising Holly again there, Alix providing a distraction from the outside by just being Alix. COACH Then Jade better hope that Alix is EXTRA Alix on Sunday, she might just stand half a chance of surviving Malaysia if Alix is busy chatting with her. Picking Jade up, Holly scoops and slams the second generation star to the mat. Sitting her up, Holly then backs off the ropes and kicks Jade HARD in the back! Jade cringes in pain and kicks her feet as the stinging sensation goes up and down her spine. Smiling, Holly waits for her to settle before driving the point of her elbow across the chest and giving Jade more reason to suffer. Getting a read on the crowd Alix gets a much simpler support system going with some clapping. It doesn't do Jade a whole lot of good though, as Holly throws her into the corner and delivers a hard clothesline against the turnbuckles. COACH I'm still waiting for the improvement. Although, I guess she looks a little better getting her ass kicked in a cheerleader outfit than in her laundry day clothes. Holly suplexes Jade out of the corner and covers... 1... 2... No! Flipping JRD over, Holly sits across her back and applies a Camel Clutch. COLE I wonder if Abdullah taught her this? COACH Praise be! Right now would be the time to give Jade some support, but Alix hasn't stopped clapping since starting and her hands are aching by now, forcing her to stop. The only sounds Jade can now hear are coming from Holly Mann, badmouthing the teen prodigy as she wrenches at her neck and back. Jade refuses to give up in the hold and eventually Holly gets bored, standing back up and dropping her knee into the lower back. And again. Holly then reaches down and grabs Jade by the skirt, picking her slowly up to her feet. But Jade suddenly responds by throwing back an elbow! Holly gets caught right in the mouth and that allows Jade to turn around and bundle her down with a Spear! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE There we go Jade! Jade climbs back up but her first thought is over her attire, adjusting her cheerleader skirt which Holly caused to rise up a little. Her pre-occupation with keeping her modesty then costs Jade as Holly catches her by surprise, knocking Jade off her feet with a well-placed uppercut to the midsection! COLE And that was a closed fist referee, come on! COACH Don't worry, she's got some padding there. COLE Would you stop!? With Jade hurt Holly takes her time getting back up, very casual as she sets Jade up for a back suplex. Doesn't matter, as she takes Jade up and down with ease and makes a lateral press... 1... 2... No! Holly hauls Jade up again and hooks her by the head, twirling the finger of DEATH~! before falling straight south with a DDT! COLE A little bit of Percussion treatment for Jade. COACH Oh this is going so, so badly. Head in hands, Alix tries to escape to her happy place while Jade is covered up... 1... 2... Kickout! ALIX Alright! What do you know, praying really DOES work! Thanks a bunch, Allah! Jade clenches her fists and tries to get some energy going, despite Holly standing over her with some kicks to the back. Pulled up, Jade is then sent off the ropes and set up for a big clothesline. A scream of "DUCK!" from the outside causes Jade to do just that and it guides her safely under the arm. A scream of "GOOSE!" then distracts Holly, allowing Jade to place both her boots in the kidneys with a not-exactly high-flying front dropkick, the force sending Holly stumbling shoulder-first into the middle turnbuckle pad! COLE A counter by Jade, but she desperately needs to get some offence going here and fast. Around the ring runs Alix, pondering why nobody in the crowd seems to have joined in her game of Duck, Duck, Goose and pondering further on seeing Jade has turned the tide of the match. Holly staggers out of the corner and Ally starts calling a play to Jade. Seriously, she produces a clipboard from nowhere with her play drawn up with pink Xs and Os. Unfortunately the play means nothing to anybody except Alix and Jade is forced to improvise. She calls Holly to a halt, warning her that her shoe is untied. Naturally worried about falling on her face and making a show of herself, Holly looks down at her feet... and Jade slaps her in the back of the head. HOLLY Ow! What the hell was that for? JADE Was that embarrassing? HOLLY Yeah, kinda. JADE Oh... well, uh, good. COACH *slaps forehead* COLE Well, it's a start. After a moment of awkwardness, Holly finally snaps to life and swings for Jade with a clothesline. Again Jade avoids the contact though. Holly puts on the brakes and gets a boot, before Jade returns fire with a DDT of her own! COACH She can't do that! COLE She just did! Hook of the leg... 1... 2... No! "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" The fans get behind Jade and showing none of the blasé attitude of her mother, she draws off of it as Holly stumbles towards her. Jade paws her with an open left hand. Then paws her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360 and knocks Holly down with a big clothesline! COLE Jade showing a little intensity here all of a sudden and listen to the crowd respond! COACH They're firing her up, she's firing them up... that's Rodez stuff, that ain't Duncan form. Dazed, Holly gets caught in a cobra clutch. But she breaks free with some shots to the midsection then grabs Jade and unceremoniously cuts off her fightback by throwing her face-first into the turnbuckles! Jade collapses in a heap. Looking mad now, Holly grabs hold of Jade's hair and drags her out of the corner to warnings from the referee, then SLAPS her with enough force to drop Jade off her feet! Jade sits up seeing stars and not the kind that regularly surround her mother, with her fans now silenced. The stars then go black as Holly rushes across the ring with a clean boot to the face to knock her senseless! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE That was just vicious from Holly Mann. I think Jade succeeded in pissing her off and little else. COACH And when Krista pisses people off, which is pretty much all the time, she uses it to her advantage and makes sure there's no way back from there. She certainly doesn't let her opponent use it to their advantage, to come back and kick her ass. Jadey Jadey, you've got a lot to learn. With Jade stunned from the kick, Holly drags her over to the corner and lifts herself up onto the middle rope, preparing to lower the boom. ALIX Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! HOLLY WHAT!? ALIX So, like, do you realise, like, marrying Logan Mann... name still doesn't ring a bell by the way... like, do you realise that makes you... *sniggers*... Mrs. Mann? *sniggers* That's funny! HOLLY GO AWAY! Holly leaps off the middle rope... ...and lands face-first into Jade's raised boot! COLE Well it would be the Duncan way without Alix hanging around making a nuisance of herself, I guess. As Holly falls back against the turnbuckles, Jade charges in to deliver Double Knees to the chest! After shades of her uncle, Jade then looks to go back to shades of her mother as she goes to the ropes. With very little of Krista's style and grace she climbs to the middle rope and waits for Holly to turn around. When she does turn around though, she does so charging straight towards Jade. Having to think quickly JRD jumps up and over Holly, landing on her feet behind the former Women's Champ... but stopping, tweaking her knee! Holly stops herself before colliding with the turnbuckles and grins as she sees Jade limping, signalling for the end. COACH Time for a trip to Rodeo Drive I think. Holly clubs Jade in the back, hooking her up in a fisherman's set-up. But before she knows what's happening, Jade pulls her down into a shock inside cradle... 1... 2... 3!!! COACH WHAT!? COLE Jade did it! Jade wins! *DINGDINGDING!* Holly sits up in shock as Jade rolls out of the ring, into a celebratory hug from Alix and rousing cheers from the Corpus Christi crowd. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... JADE RODEZ-DDUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAANN!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Getting a little over-excited Alix lifts Jade up in her arms and twirls her around before setting her back down. Jade just looks a little surprised and mumbles the words "I did it" over and over, hardly the most theatrical celebration. ALIX Oh my God I can't believe it, that was SOOO awesome! The old 'pretend your knee's hurt and limp around until they believe you then roll them up' trick! I haven't even gotten around to teaching you that yet, that's just incredible, you're like telekinetic or something! JADE Uhm, it wasn't trick... I think I've really blown my knee out. ALIX Yeah, that's the spirit, I think these suckers are buying it! JADE Yeah, okay, whatever. Can you help me out? ALIX I see, make it look convincing, I like your style sweetums. Commitment. You got it! Alix puts an arm around the limping Jade and helps her towards the back, leaving Holly Mann to pace around the ring fuming that she lost. ALIX EVERYBODY OUT OF THE WAY! You know, you're a better actor than I ever gave you credit for Jade. You must get that from my DNA. SOMEBODY CALL A PARAMEDIC! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S HOLY! *shakes fist to the ceiling* YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS ONE YET GOD!!! COLE Well, okay then. Jade, new and improved, picks up the victory and that's hopefully going to be a big confidence booster heading into AngleSlam this Sunday night. She beat a former Women's Champion tonight, now can she go on from here and beat the current Women's Champion Malaysia Nerdly? COACH Not a chance. COLE No chance at all? Coach, she just beat Holly Mann, 1, 2, 3. COACH Say what you want about improvement but Jade still didn't prove a thing to me. She got a fluke roll-up on her and she needed Alix's distraction to even get that far. It's a step up from being a family humiliation every week, but not much of one and certainly not enough of one to beat Malaysia Nerdly! COLE Nobody's saying Jade is the finished article just yet, but you can't argue with results. Since Krista and Alix have taught Jade the Duncay way, she's 1-0. Those are the facts. If everything clicks into place between now and Sunday, especially now that Jade's got some extra confidence, we could well see an upset and a new Women's Champion! COACH That'd be some fairytale story. Here's the thing, fairytales ain't real. You know what's real? Whips. They're real and they hurt. [i]Them's[/i] the facts! COLE ...we've got more HeldDOWN~! coming up. Tempting as it may be right now, please don't tune out. [b]*COMMERCIAL BREAK*[/b]

MATTHEWS Standing by with me right now, co-number one contenders for the World Tag Team Titles, D*LUX! Tyler and Shayne walk into shot, looking in a more serious mood than usual. MATTHEWS Guys, thank you for taking this time out. And... I notice, no Jade with you tonight. SHAYNE Nah, she's getting ready for her match. TYLER And we're on strict orders to stay out of Krista's locker room. MATTHEWS Mm-hmm. Well, I'm sure you are getting ready for Tables, Ladders and Chairs this Sunday night at AngleSlam. Your chance to win the OAOAST World Tag Team Championships for the first time. How are you guys feeling heading into such an important and potentially dangerous match? TYLER We're feeling pretty confident. SHAYNE Absolutely. MATTHEWS Okay, and obviously you guys know a lot about The Beverly Hills Blonds. You're also in there with the World Tag Champs, Thunderkid and Reject, the latter of whom's been very unpredictable the past few weeks. Are you worried about Reject's current state of mind and having to face him at AngleSlam? SHAYNE Not really, nah. TYLER Fact is, Reject is due. And we're the guys to [i]duet[/i]. SHAYNE Hey, that was pretty good. Like 'Do it', right? TYLER Uh-huh. MATTHEWS Yeah, good one. So, uh, any last words about TLC on Sunday? TYLER We're ready Josh. SHAYNE Ain't no doubt about it! MATTHEWS Well, there you go folks. D*LUX, men of few words. With his interview over, Josh thanks D*LUX for their time again and heads off, having expected the show to have cut back to ringside no doubt. But it hasn't just yet and before D*LUX can leave the interview set, they're held up by LEON RODEZ sneaking in. LEON Hey guys, what's happening. TYLER Hey, long time no see buddy! LEON Yeah I know. Listen, I was just hanging back, letting you guys do your thing. The talking's coming along pretty well. The 'due', 'duet' line? Clever stuff. Anyway, listen, I know we haven't been hanging out as much as we used to and part of that's because I've just had a million and one things on my mind recently, it's been really crazy. What with this Money In The Bank tournament, everything with Maggie and Reject, now I've got this match at AngleSlam with Moneymaker and co... but, I've been meaning to catch up with you and talk. Because, with this whole In Crowd thing... I don't want you to feel like you're being left out. SHAYNE You mean we can join the In Crowd!? LEON Gee, I don't know about that. Not my call. But that doesn't matter, because we're still Love Generation, right? Tyler and Shayne both nod. LEON Right, good. Me being in the In Crowd isn't going to change that. At least, I don't want it to change that. And hey, you guys are making waves again, just the two of you, big shot at the World Tag Team Titles coming up, huh? SHAYNE Yeah, it's cool. TYLER And we know you've got Zack and Bo and Sly now, but if you ever need us to have your back still, all you gotta do is call. LEON Thanks, I really appreciate that guys. Cause I really could do with catching up and talking sometime, get some stuff off my chest, you know. You guys are welcome to tag along to the post-show party with us, as long as you don't think you'll feel like spare wheels, you know. Any time, just say. Suddenly, after low-fives and pats on the back and all that good stuff, Shayne's neck whips off in another direction, eye caught by something off screen. Both Tyler and Leon notice it too after a second and they all look a little dumfounded. Annoyingly, the camera guy doesn't think it neccessary to show us what they're looking at though. SHAYNE Dude... is that Jade!? LEON What the HELL is she wearing!? The Love Gen trio continue looking off in astonishment and we continue not to be able to see! Gah! COLE What IS Jade wearing!? We'll find out, NEXT! [b]*COMMERCIAL BREAK*[/b]

COACH What's poppin' everybody. The Coach here, feeling real happy right now, because as you can see Michael Cole ain't sat next to me. One day, every Thursday will be like this. *sighs* One day.... anyway, he's up in the ring for the debate. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, we are just three nights away from the rootinest, tootinest party of the Summer, AngleSlam 2008! And by the end of AngleSlam, one OAOAST superstar will be five hundred thousand dollars richer and in possession of a guaranteed World Title shot any time they so choose. It's the final match in the Money In The Bank Tournament. And here tonight in Corpus Christi, in the spirit of election fever, we're going to open the floor to our two finalists to debate this important contest. Two of the most out-spoken personalities in the OAOAST today, set for their first time ever one on one meeting. It's the Money In The Bank Debate. And at this time, allow me to introduce our first Money In The Bank finalist... the first and only Money In The Bank winner in OAOAST history, who cashed his contract in to become OAOAST World Champion... ladies and gentlemen, the leader of Cucaracha Internacional, LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX! [b]"PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!"[/b] [i]...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM*[/i] "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" All eyes turn to the entrance way as "Megalomaniac" powers through the PA system. And the boos echo loud and long as not only Landon and not only Megan Skye, but also Nathaniel Black, James Blonde and Faqu emerge! With a smug grin on his face, Landon poses with the members of Cucaracha Internacional assembled behind him, wearing a smart looking suit for this special occassion. Landon waves and shakes unwilling hands like he were on the campaign trail heading for his podium, looking mighty pleased with himself. And here's why... [b][COLOR=orange]OAOAST BACKTRACKER[/b][/COLOR] [QUOTE]Landon makes it over to Megan, shaking her lightly. And when she doesn't respond, he immediately gives up and starts to route through the purse of Megan, pulling a set of brass knuckles out. COLE Landon's not checking on her at all, he just wanted a foreign object! And he's got one! Alf then pulls a BARBED WIRE BAT from under the ring! COACH Uh-oh, and so does Alf! Landon sneakily loads the knucks into his kneepad, as more referees make their way out to force Reject away. Alf rolls into the ring, and shoves Megan to the floor with his foot, then waits for Landon to get up. When he does, Alf raises the bat in the air...but Landon delivers a knee to the gut! COLE OH! Landon with a knee to the stomach, and remember that kneepad is loaded! Landon then scoops the doubled-up Alf onto his shoulders...and delivers the GO 2 SLEEP~!!!!!11111 COLE And now the GTS, right onto the loaded kneepad! The referee finally turns around, and slides back inside as Landon covers... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Landon Maddix is going to AngleSlam!QUOTE] Landon shows all the gentlemanly conduct he lacked last week as he allows Megan to climb the ring steps before him. The rest of Cucaracha Internacional follow behind Landon and his grand spinning entrance into the ring, all except Todd Cortez who is conspicuous by his absence. COLE And ladies and gentlemen his opponent this Sunday in San Antonio! She is... MADDIX Ahem! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cole looks surprised at being interrupted, not risking looking angry about it with both Faqu and Black glaring back at him. MADDIX Now I know this is supposed to be a 'debate', but before we bring Krista on out here, I'd like the opportunity to get some things of my chest. You know, before there's anyone to interrupt or generally distract me. First things first, thank you for introducing me as the first and only Money In The Bank winner. It's a good point and it bears repeating. I know what it takes to be Mr. Money In The Bank. I cashed in that contract, beat Zack Malibu, won the OAOAST World Championship, became the only man to have ever held the World Championships of both this company and MY company, the SWF. And I'm one victory away from doing it all again... and having 500 grand in my back pocket while I do so. Not literally you understand. That'd be pretty risky. COLE Of course. MADDIX But there is one thing you forgot Michael Cole. See, there is 500,000 dollars up for grabs and there is a Money In The Bank contract awaiting the winner. But, there's something else on offer, at least for me. And that's 15% shares of TSM. Landon grins at the very thought. MADDIX If I beat Krista, Theodore Moneymaker has promised to stump up those shares. And much as I can't wait to see his face once that happens, that's not the main appeal. Well, they're kinda tied first and second. See, it's those TSM shares that are going to guarantee my victory this Sunday night. Because with those shares comes a future. A brighter future for me and a brighter future for an entire company. That's because, after I beat Krista this Sunday night, the very first thing I'm going to do once I walk into that TSM boardroom, is I'm going to ensure that the SWF gets back where it belongs with a national television deal! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Taken aback by the boos, Landon puts his hands on his hips and stares out into the crowd. James Blonde quickly jumps to his defence and waves at them all to shut up... ...but the noise only kicks up another gear as "Electric Feel" hits to belatedly bring out our counter-debater!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Sans dancers, Krista makes her way out on the entrance way, but lacks none of her usual sparkle despite having no match to enter for. Krista takes a sip from her martini glass before sauntering the rest of the way down to the ring, loosening up her vocal chords with some throat exercises on the way. Showing no fear of those in the ring already, she climbs to the apron and wraps her long legs around the third rope. Offering the fans a prime photo opportunity she bends her entire body upside down, blowing a kiss to the cameras as Blonde struggles to retrieve his eyeballs. Landon seems quite fixed on the sight as well, until he notices Megan folding her arms staring at him. COLE Ladies and gentlemen, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" KRISTA Yeah yeah, they know who I am genius. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" KRISTA See. Now, forgive me if I'm wrong, but debates usually have two or more persons involved, no? So if you're quite finished with your merry little monologue, let's bring out the Snoop Dizzle and get this party started, huh? COLE Uh, Krista? KRISTA What is it Mister 'Hey, Incase You're Blind Or Have Never Opened Up A Newspaper Or Watched A TV Channel, This Is Krista Isadora Duncan, She's Kinda Famous Apparantly But She Still Needs Identification, Even Though You're Already Cheering For Her'? COLE Well, there's no Snoop Dogg tonight. I'm moderating. KRISTA Really? Ouch, there goes my plans of half-assing this and letting him carry the entertainment side of proceedings. Very wizzle then Micheal Coleizzle... really, it would have been so much better coming from him... what have you got for me Landon? Go ahead and debate me. MADDIX Wel... KRISTA Okay that sounds like a long one, so I'll start instead. You stink and you're not even Spanish! COLE Landon, your rebuttal? A glare is cast Cole's way for encouraging the debate in that direction. MADDIX You know what, this was what I was afraid of. You with an open microphone on live TV, out here solely to entertain yourself and try and make me look like an idiot. Way to be predictable, Krista. Instead of debating this match, you're probably thinking over in your head and many possible puns you can make about me and 'mass debates'. And everybody laughs and you laugh and the people on the recieving end die a little on the inside. Well that's cute and all, but it's not going to work on me. If you think you can come out here and emasculate me just by going off on your funny little tangents, you're going to be here a long time. Because I've got way, WAY too much success in my life to fall back on. While you're here week in and week out bemoaning the OAOAST and the people employed here, continuing to pick up a wage from the exact same source they do, I'm busy being the Commissioner of my own wrestling company, the SWF. I rose up from smart-alec kid to World Champion to Commissioner within about 5 years. So far, you're stuck at stage one. And I dare say your days of being a kid are long gone, considering you've got a daughter on this roster old enough to compete herself. Oh yeah, see, my OAOAST history isn't great, I admit. But I'm nothing if not prepared. And I've done my research on you in the past week. And... KRISTA Uh, hold up real quick like... you've done research on me? MADDIX Well, of course. It's what good wrestlers do on their opponents. KRISTA So, until then, you knew, what exactly... MADDIX Next to nothing. You weren't really in my considerations, let's say. KRISTA ...you do remember how you sorta, kinda employed me for one show for this wrestling company you're so proud of though? Landon's eyes widen a little. MADDIX Well... yeah, of course I do! I mean, I didn't know ALL of your background then, but... KRISTA But you signed some unknown woman from the OAOAST to wrestle a match for ya, for some buttload of money, despite knowing next to nothing about her? Boy, that must be some super duper wrestling company you've got there. And to think, you guys don't even have a television contract anymore! How can this be!? MADDIX Look! The point is, I've done more research on you now than I had when I employed you... KRISTA Why of course, that doesn't sound incredibly naive or dumb of you whatsoever, please go on. MADDIX ...and I know your style. You embarrass people. You mock them and taunt them until they're stripped of all of their confidence and that's when you beat them. But it's going to be a long, long night for you if plan on tearing away all my confidence. See, you've had it easy around here for far too long. People have let you have your way and play around with your irreverent attitude, just because you've got a nice rack, a cute BUTT... Landon catches sight of Megan glaring at him again. MADDIX ...and some other attributes I won't go into. And everybody's afraid to do anything about it, because you're a girl. And a famous girl at that. You're so used to getting your own way, getting everything you want with a click of the fingers and a flash of the gold card. Where-as, I've had to work for everything I've got today. Which as I've already alluded to is a whole lot. So, it's not going to work on me. See, I'm not some sex-crazed teenager with a crush on anything blonde and out of a training bra. And I'm not a sexually confused woman with curiousities either. The only thing I care about... KRISTA YYYYYAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWN! MADDIX Excuse me? KRISTA Sorry, I didn't have to actually yawn, but I kinda had to interrupt you there with some sort of statement of boredom. Hate to break it to you Landy, but I've heard it all before, a hundred times or more, ore, ore-ore. 'I only care about the title', 'I'm really really focused', 'I'm not going to look at your cute little BUTT'. Yadda yadda yadda, sincerely every poor sap who's ever thought they could beat little ol' sexual predator Krista. Wake me when you're done repeating this nonsense. Look, lemme fill in the blanks, for all those pages of KID 101: How To Be Darned Fabulous And Make Truckloads Of Cash Money In The Process you may have missed if it were an actual book and not something I just made up. Page 142, Chapter 7, Line 17- "You will look at my curvy BUTT." Everybody does. And truth be told, if I weren't so used to the general creepiness of a pro-wrestling locker room by now I'd probably be kinda bothered by that. Maybe I should be now, that I think about it. But then again, I've worked hard too. I feel your pain Landy. I've worked so, so hard to sculpt these buns of steel! And nobody ever helped me out! I had to do it all on my own! I had to overcome so many obstacles! I had to team with Bruce Blank and put out direct to DVD wrestling shows twice a month! It's okay, it's okay, your pain is my pain, we are two of a kind, you and me in a long and lonesome world! My BUTT is like the SWF. In so many, very obvious ways. And as far as me getting my own way just by fluttering my eyelashes or by being a real famous Hollywood type does..... well, yeah, you're absolutely right. That's why everybody wants to be me and everybody just gotta see me. Am I supposed to be ashamed of being really famous and really hot? Because, I dunno, I'm just not feeling it. That's the stuff that gets me out of bed in the morning. My big bed. In a big house, next to famous people. Knowing I'm going to look fabulous doing it. I know this as fact and I hold these facts as self-evident. Just like the fact you're going to get distracted and you're going to lose to me. All these things always happen. Always. It's all so predictable. That's why I try to have extra fun with it! By the way, I wish my girlfriend was as well-behaved as yours is. She hasn't interrupted us or covered herself in chocolate body paint once yet! Sit doggy, sit. Good girl. MADDIX You only wish you could get a woman like this. Krista stares blankly for a second. KRISTA Didn't I just say that? I could have sworn I just said that. This is no fun. MADDIX You know what... I'm jealous. Is that what you want to hear? I'm jealous of your perfect Hollywood life and your predictable success. But I suggest you make the most of it. Because things are about to get a little less predictable. KRISTA No they're not. That's why it's so predictable. Because it's so predictable. MADDIX ...what? KRISTA I'm going to beat you on Sunday. That's pretty much point here. No idea why they figured I'd need a podium to say that. Not that I'm complaining. *picks martini up from podium and swigs from it* Good sauce. Want a sip? Offered the drink, Faqu begins to curiously go for it but Landon waves him off. MADDIX I can see why you'd say that. My research tells me you don't get pinned very often. KRISTA If ever. MADDIX So, I'd imagine it'd come as a pretty big shock if you did. KRISTA But, I don't. We're going round in circles again. If this doesn't start being fun soon I'm gonna need your girlfriend to start undressing or something. "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX Well then Krista, prepare for a shock. KRISTA You mean you're gonna let her!? Awesome! Let me just get my nipples erect real quick. MADDIX No, no... KRISTA No, honestly, it won't take a second. MADDIX No you dumb bimbo, I'm not listening to anything you're saying anymore! KRISTA This really is no fun. Who's dumb idea is this? If this is what being World Champion is gonna be like then I'm gonna have to start carrying two martini glasses. Or some opium. MADDIX You're not going to [i]be[/i] World Champion, so don't worry. I'm going to make history this Sunday. $500,000... Money In The Bank... TSM shares... and a pinfall over the might Krista Isadora Duncan. KRISTA I swear, we keep going over this and over this. This is the worst debate I've ever been apart of. You've soured me on the entire debate process. Congratulations! MADDIX You're not dealing with anyone like you've ever dealt with before Krista. You're dealing with me now. Landon Maddix. And Landon Maddix... always has a plan. With a motion towards Krista, suddenly Cucaracha Internacional start to move her way! The crowd suddenly get a little antsy and warn Krista that danger is coming, something she's acutely aware of as Faqu, Blonde and Black start to try and surround her, driving Michael Cole out of the ring to safety. Krista stands her ground though and despite being on edge and ready for an attack should it come she doesn't leave her podium. KRISTA You see, this is all so predictable! I could have seen this coming a mile away. And I could have planned to do this... Krista suddenly lunges to her left and catches Blonde with a thrust kick to the midsection! She then puts her half-drunk martini to good use in the eyes of Faqu! But as she goes for Nathaniel Black, he lunges in and DESTROYS Krista with a Lariat!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH OH YEAH! Did you see that coming Krista!? Landon smirks as he calmly sets his podium aside, watching as Blonde and Black puts the boots to the helpless Krista. Wiping the alcohol from his eyes, the raging Faqu joins in for a few stomps before Landon starts directing traffic to his Internacional contingent. James Blonde quickly grabs Krista's podium, or what was Krista's podium at least, dragging it over to a corner of the ring and setting it as best possible against the turnbuckles. As he does so, Black reaches down and grabs hold of Krista's limp wrist, with Blonde's help dragging Krista so she's sat up against the podium. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" COLE What the hell is the meaning of this? COACH Where the hell did you come from? COLE I came from the ring, before Maddix set the wolves on Krista! This is ridiculous! This is a set-up! COACH That doesn't explain why you had to come back here. With Krista propped up, Faqu is directed across the ring by the ace communicator James Blonde. Eyes lighting up, Faqu breathes heavily as he lines Krista up. Pounding his massive chest, he lets out and loud cry of "SAMOA!" before charging in, Black stepping out of the way at the last second as Faqu plows across the ring... *KE-RUNCH!!!!* "OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" ...AND DEMOLISHES THE PODIUM, VIA HIS BACKSIDE DRIVING INTO KRISTA'S HEAD!!!!! COLE OH MY GOD!! THEY COULD HAVE BROKEN HER SKULL!! The podium collapses like flat-pack furniture around Krista, who is completely out cold. Faqu continues to pound his chest dominantly until Landon finally steps forward and calls off the attack. Not out of compassion for Krista or a sense of a job well done however, but to get a piece of the action himself. Landon drags Krista out from the pile of wood and picks her lifeless body up off the mat, KID completely dead-weight. Holding her up, Landon then ducks low and sweeps her up into a fireman's carry. COLE Come on, enough is enough! Put her down! COACH Nah, that just wouldn't be predictable! Parading Krista around the ring, Maddix sets himself dead centre... and throws her up, CRACKING HER ON THE WAY DOWN WITH THE GO TO SLEEP!!! Krista folds to the canvas like the podium, right at Landon's feet. And with a big smile on his face, Landon calls James Blonde over. COLE Now what!? Lateral press by Landon... BLONDE ONE! BLONDE TWO! BLONDE THREE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH HAHA, HE DID IT! Landon pins Krista! COLE Oh, come on! Blonde leaps up in celebration and raises Landon's arm in victory to applause from Black and Megan. Looking down at Krista, Landon smiles with renewed confidence as "Megalomaniac" then strikes up and thankfully, Cucaracha Internacional are given their cue to leave. As they do so, Landon continues to look down at Krista, before placing his foot across her chest and striking another triumphant pose just to get his point across. COACH Talk about sending a message, there ya go! Who says nobody can pin Krista Isadora Duncan? COLE You can't seriously consider that a pinfall, this cherade doesn't prove anything! COACH It proves that Landon can cover Krista for a 3 count and stand over her in victory, since that's what happened. It happened once, it can happen again. It happened tonight, so it can damn sure happen on Sunday! I guess things aren't quite as predictable as they seem, are they Krista? Still grinning to himself Landon leaves the ring with Megan holding the ropes open for him, jumping to the floor and walking after his Cucaracha Internacional team-mates. Krista is still yet to stir in the ring and a couple of referees brave the run to the ring to check on her. Watching all this, Landon holds up three fingers to the boos being directed at him, his message sent loud and clear.

No, the difference is, Taker and Michaels have been wrestling some 15/20 years by this point. Rey, over 10 years. Edge close to 10. So you can kinda understand and legislate for some of their injuries just being from wear and tear. The longer you compete for and the older you get, the more injury-prone you're going to be, that's just natural. Especially if you work a style like those four guys. Kennedy's in a totally different situation. He's been wrestling 4/5 years and doesn't work a high-risk style. And yet he seems to fall apart at the seams twice, three times a year. The reason he's 'not over with casual fans', if that's even true, is because everytime he gets close he gets injured. All the guys listed above had runs far longer without injury than Kennedy ever has to get into that position in the first place. Kennedy just can't seem to stay healthy long enough to do the same.

I'm with RedJed on this. I see what you're saying HTQ, but I don't think anyone's really going to buy a PPV for a special return appearance, at least a non-wrestling one, unless it's someone really huge. Jarrett's not big enough or been gone long enough to expect his return to really do anything to boost a buyrate. I mean, HHH's return was a big deal and they did that on an edition of Raw. Cena's return would have been a big deal but they used him as a surprise, unannounced Rumble entrant instead. Infact I can't really think of any return ever being used to help sell a PPV before unless it was a comeback match of some kind. Or involved in a match, if you want to count say Austin at Backlash 2000. They at least saved Jarrett's first speech back and possibly his first physical interaction back for the PPV, so I guess they're trying to have their cake with a possible TV rating boost and eat it by saving the real stuff for the PPV.

Toxxic's not lying about not liking 'classic rock'. Or classic anything. His lack of Journey knowledge greatly disturbed me just the other day. How can you not know Don't Stop Believin'!?

Man, I thought just turning him heel for... some reason... was a great idea. But having him come back from a serious injury after a year or so away to the customary huge reaction with renewed energy, THEN have him go heel, top THAT one!