King Cucaracha

Come on Jingus, it's an inherent fact that women are weaker than men. They also have nothing downstairs and it doesn't hurt if you kick them below the belt. You should confirm this with one if they're not busy with the roast at the time.

I'm relatively certain they did this already, they said Jesse had taken Festus away to get help one week, then they promised he'd reveal the new and improved Festus the week after, then he was brought out with a paper bag on his head with the payoff being he was exactly the same. And that was it, it wasn't mentioned again. Or did I just imagine that?

Well, a manager's going to have to wait because I can't hold off on taking this person any longer. One of the most gifted players to ever wear an England shirt and certainly one of the most entertaining. Paul Gasgoine

MADDIX ....so then, the guy says "That's all well and good... but I said ping-pong balls, not King Kong's balls!" Hehe! We find the members of Cucaracha Internacional in the ring as we return to HeldDOWN~! and Landon finds that we're back via a cue from the floor amongst the silence of a dying joke. MADDIX Oh, hey, we're back! COLE And not a moment too soon. MADDIX Alright, let's get this show on the road already. Moneymaker, come on down and let's see who the true dominant force in the OAOAST really is... at least until next week when I prove it's Cucaracha Internacional, that is. "Sympathy For The Devil" beings to play and Theodore Moneymaker leads out his troops as requested. Interestingly, all the members of The Enterprise are clad in their wrestling attire, just as Cucaracha Internacional's members are, neither group wanting to give anything away. Moneymaker, in his white smoking jacket, smirks in his typical self-satisfaction with Christian Wright by his side, The Beverly Hills Blonds and Molly Nerdly behind him, then the new team of CPA and Bosley. Landon smirks right back in the same manner, backed by Black, Blonde and Faqu as well as Todd Cortez who could care less from the look on his face. COLE The OAOAST's very own faction pissing contest is set to heat up a touch, before the big Money In The Bank Tournament first round match between Landon Maddix and Christian Wright. That'll be next week, live in Central Park and we want to remind all our fans in the New York area, admission to the Big Apple Spectacular, absolutely free! I wonder what Mister Moneymaker would make of that marketing strategy. COACH Mister Moneymaker is one of the most generous men Ned Blanchard has ever described to me. I wouldn't be surprised if it was his suggestion in the first place! COLE I doubt that somehow. The Enterprise enter the ring, filling the ring with humanity and enough arrogance to populate France, or at least a considerable part of it. The two leaders manage to make sure their men keep the peace for now though, coming face to face across the battle line. MONEYMAKER Alright Landon, let's see what you've got shall we? MADDIX You're looking at what I've got. And truthfully, I'm much more content on this side of the ring than I would be on yours. I'm sure if a fight broke out right now, you guys would do better at documenting it on camera or through flowery poetry, but other than that I don't fancy your odds much. Maybe it's just the way the light is shining off of my guys' 6-Man Tag Team Titles and onto you, I don't know. Blonde demonstrates with his title, frustrating Simon Singleton who complains about the lens flare he's causing. MADDIX You know how it goes Moneymaker. A group is only as good as it's leader and this group behind me have one hell of a leader, if I do say so myself. If you don't believe me, I'll be happy to ask again when you're signing off on that $500,000 cheque with my name on it after AngleSlam. Or maybe when I cash in the contract that goes with it and win the OAOAST World Title again. Or if you can't wait that long, maybe we can make it next week once I send your sole Money In The Bank representative crashing out of the tournament? Taking a step forward, Wright looks ready to say something about that. Moneymaker holds out a hand and encourages his right hand man to settle down though. MADDIX Then again, why save till next week what can happen tonight? MONEYMAKER Is that so? MADDIX Fact is, I'm a former World Heavyweight Champion in two companies. That's credential, not potential. Face it, I'm head and shoulders above you and any of your cronies. I'm one hundred percent confident that I can beat any member of The Enterprise. Infact, you can take it to the BANK! MONEYMAKER Well, I'm glad to hear you're feeling confident Landon. Because my choice to represent The Enterprise against you tonight... will be my personal director of security, CPA! BWAHAHAHA! The mammoth CPA enters the ring with a face like thunder and takes a step towards Landon that leaves him towering over La Cucaracha. Landon looks up at the 6'6" former pro-boxer, trying to hide the panic on his face as he takes some defensive steps backwards. MADDIX I'm... I'm sorry, there's... been a misunder... I mean, you didn't let me finish. Heh. See, [i]as I was saying[/i], I'm one hundred percent confident that I can beat any member of The Enterprise. [i]But[/i], considering I'm supposed to be wrestling your number two next week I don't think it'd be right for me to compete tonight which is why I chose Todd Cortez to represent me tonight. So, yeah, good luck and all that. Not a moment too soon for his liking, Landon bails out of the ring and points Cortez into the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE You've got to be kidding me! COACH What? I know Cortez is no great shakes, but... COLE There's no doubt in my mind that Landon was going to compete tonight until he realised he was going to end up fighting CPA! And at that point, he immediately fed Todd Cortez to the wolves! Or wolf, at least. You really think he'd have Cortez representing him under any other circumstances, after all he's done to put him down and demean him since War Games? COACH Well like I say, I know Cortez is no great shakes. But I'm sure Landon has a plan. COLE Yeah, a plan on how to save himself from a beating. Under the pressure of his Cucaracha Internacional team-mates, Cortez shakes his head disbelievingly at them all and enters the ring. Moneymaker smirks and pats his Director Of Security on the back before he leads the rest of his Enterprise out to ringside. COLE Well Cortez definately has no desires to stand up for Cucaracha Internacional, but he's also not one to back down from a fight. With seven of The Enterprise stood around one corner of the ring and five of Cucaracha Internacional around the opposite, referee Mike Chioda is well justified in going to each group and issuing specific warning that anyone interfering in the match will be thrown out. Once he's made that clear, he then checks over CPA and Cortez, who gets some unwanted coaching from Landon. *DINGDINGDING!* Despite being out-sized, Cortez squares up to CPA and words are exchanged before CPA cracks his fists together and the two start to circle. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" MADDIX (shouting across the ring) HEAR THAT MONEYMAKER? THESE PEOPLE LOVE US! CPA and Cortez look set for a boxing match rather than a wrestling match as they move back in, both with guards up. CPA's looks the safer, the former pro-boxer throwing a shadow right as a warning shot. Not intimidated, Cortez stays on his toes and almost catches CPA with a kick to the thigh. COLE Two great fighters here and this could resemble more of a fight than anything. COACH Whoever thinks MMA and OAOAST make a good match should give Axel a call, see how that went for him. COLE Yikes! Not impressed, CPA raises an eyebrow, as if to say 'you really think your kicks are gonna hurt me?' Cortez takes his chance and delivers on a kick to the back of the knee. And CPA soon starts to rethink his eyebrow motions, as it does infact hurt him. Cortez delivers a second kick to the leg. And a third. And a fourth, trying to chop the big tree down. CPA swings with a right hand to try and fight Todd off, but he ducks and fires away with another leg kick. Hobbled a little, CPA leans against the ropes and tries to shake away the stinging sensation, reaching out as Cortez steps towards him and throttling him with one hand! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FO..." Releasing the choke, CPA once again shakes at his knee while Cortez stands doubled over wheezing for breath. CPA buys himself some more time by pitching Cortez through the ropes and to the arena floor, right beside Landon who pesters his understudy to get back in and fight. COLE Can you believe the audacity of Landon Maddix? Unbelievable. Casting a glare towards his 'boss' as he climbs to the apron, Cortez manages to avoid CPA's grasp this time as he leans through the ropes with a shoulder thrust. Cortez then goes up and over the top, looking for a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Back up quickest, Cortez strikes at the legs against with his hard-hitting kicks. Moneymaker barks instructions to his Director Of Security, determined not to lose face to Landon who grins arrogantly at him from across the ring, barely watching the action. With CPA hobbled Cortez turns and hits the ropes, charging back with a clothesline. CPA absorbs the impact though, only taking one backwards step. CPA then charges forward with his own clothesline attempt. Sidestepping, Todd is able to take Allen down to the mat with a drop toehold however, then pops up to apply an Anklelock! COLE Cortez using that speed and manouverability to keep CPA off-balance and now, submission hold applied, the anklelock! COACH You're really reaching if you're looking to get a submission on CPA. He's as tough as they come. COLE Maybe not quite so tough with one broken ankle though. Cortez doesn't get quite that far yet. Rolling over onto his back, CPA places his free foot in Cortez's chest and pushes him off, sending him back-first into the turnbuckles. Hobbling back up, the bigman looks to further add to Todd's misery with an avalanche in the corner. But Cortez sidesteps and CPA hits the turnbuckles hard. Schoolboy roll-up from Todd... 1... 2... No! Grabbing a front facelock, Cortez tries to control CPA for a second. COACH Cortez better step his game real quick, because Landon doesn't look impressed. COLE I somehow doubt Cortez cares about impressing Landon. COACH He'd better soon start caring if he wants any sort of a career around here! His fate is in that man's hands. He'd be wise not to keep biting them hands, because they're the only things feeding him. The facelock slows CPA down a little, but doesn't prevent him from climbing back to his feet and lifting Cortez up off the mat. Cortez is able to get his feet back safely on the mat before anything bad can happen though. Out of the front facelock, he manoeuveres his way behind and into a sleeper hold. But CPA uses his power again and backs Cortez into the turnbuckles. And a second time. Hoisting Cortez up onto his back, CPA then grabs hold of the head and drags Todd right over his shoulder into a harsh landing on the ring canvas. COLE Not everything CPA does in that ring is particularly pretty. But it's absolutely effective. With Cortez down, CPA backs off the ropes and goes high with an elbowdrop... into nothing but that ring canvas! COLE Well, except that. Far from being impressed with his understudy's heart and resiliance, Landon yells at Todd to "do something already!" as he gets back to his feet. Cortez glares at his stable'mates' again before looking to do just that. Hitting the ropes, The Urban Legend charges back, but CPA recovers to scoop him off his feet with a Front Spinebuster!! Cover... 1... 2... No! Moneymaker gets on Chioda's case about the count, echoed by his Enterprise co-horts. COLE Cortez got a little distracted by the constant abuse he's getting from his corner and can you blame him really? COACH That was clearly three. Where's an OAOAST ref who doesn't choke under big pressure when you need him? This ref, another loser who needs to step his game, before his duties get taken up by a referee who can actually do his job. COLE You mean like Clem? CPA picks Cortez slowly back off the mat, the pace now a little more friendly to his style. He shoves Cortez back into a corner, adopting the stance before using Todd's torso as a punching bag for his heavy bodyshots. Lefts and rights bounce off of Cortez's ribcage before Chioda has had enough and reaches five, warning CPA of a disqualification. CPA gives him a look to shut him up, lifting Cortez up from his knees and delivering a big haymaker against the buckles! Cortez drops like a sack of potatoes as Chioda issues another warning to CPA about the closed fists. COACH Ho-ho! What a right hand! With Cortez facedown and out, CPA is showered with congratulations from the rest of The Enterprise. Simon and Ned giggle like little schoolboys as they watch the instant replay, courtesy of The Siclopse's playback feature. Across the ring, Landon and the rest of Cucaracha Internacional are much more solemn. Finally, CPA makes a cover... 1... 2... Foot on the ropes! CPA grunts, hooking up the leg and trying again... 1... 2... No! COLE Cortez kicking out but that big right from the ex-pro-boxer really scrambled his brains. Looking annoyed, CPA picks Cortez up and elevates him over his shoulder, backing into a corner ready for a running powerslam. The running is no problem, but the powerslam never comes, as Cortez slides down the shoulder and escapes out the back. Hooking him up, Cortez takes CPA down with a quick russian legsweep. Rolling through to his feet The Urban Legend almost loses his balance, but gets his bearings for the follow-up legdrop. COLE There you see Cortez still seeing stars, but able to turn the tide nonetheless. COACH He should be used to be seeing stars, hanging around with Cucaracha Internacional for so long. COLE That is weak. Even for you. Shamed. Both CPA and Cortez get back to their feet, Cortez having taken a few extra seconds to get his head straight. Cortez strikes first, back after the knee with a kick. And another. The noise levels increase from the outside, The Enterprise encouraging on CPA to fire back with an uppercut to the breadbasket, Cucaracha Internacional yelling at Cortez as he fires off two more kicks to the back of the legs. COLE Maddix and Moneymaker, both hunched over the apron, looking rather nervous now. Neither of these two giant egos want to face seeing their group's representative lose tonight, not even with round two to come next week at the Big Apple Spectacular! Cortez has CPA hobbled up and tries to hook him up for an irish whip, only to get flung into the ropes himself. As Cortez rebounds back he manages to duck a clothesline, waiting for CPA to turn around to catch him with a Crotch-Droppah! Taking a quick jump back, Cortez then aims for the head with a Roundhouse Kick... BLOCKED! CPA gets his forearms up in the way and catches Todd while he's still off balance with a thudding one-two combo to the stomach! From the outside, Moneymaker calls out for the finish and waves CPA towards the ropes. Not one to neglect an order, CPA follows his boss's advice and charges off the ropes. As he charges back though, Cortez suddenly recovers and goes darting the other way. Both men come off adjacent ropes and look to be on a collision course, CPA letting out a roar of effort as he throws out with his Gigaton Punch... connecting with Cortez as he lunges towards him with the HOLLOW POINT~!~! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Hands get thrown on heads and up bodies jump in each camp, as both men stay down after their head-on collision. COLE Like a jacknife on I-95! Both men collide and I've no idea who got the best of that hellacious impact! COACH I don't think anybody did Michael, they hit each other at the same time, we might be looking at a double knockout! With both men down, Moneymaker and Maddix both look confused about what actually happened and why their representative isn't getting back to their feet. COLE CPA threw that Gigaton Punch but Cortez dove right into it with the Hollow Point. I think Cortez may just have drove his shoulder into the arm before that fist could connect 100% as CPA intended, but I don't know. Looking a little worried at Cortez's lack of movement, Landon starts to pace around on the floor. Moneymaker looks a little nervous as well and suddenly makes a call to action. Mackenzie immediately jumps to the apron to distract the referee... ...which is all the opening that [i]Landon[/i] needs to slide a pair of brass knuckles in to Cortez! COACH HEY! COLE Hey is right, everybody's suddenly said to hell with the rules! Suddenly Mackie has reason to complain to Chioda which leaves her stranded on the apron. Meanwhile in the ring though, Cortez finds the knucks near his hand... and promptly tosses them back out of the ring towards where they came from. COACH What is this moron doing? COLE He doesn't want to get involved in all of this garbage. But it looks like he's the only one! Just as the knucks come flying out of the ring, The Enterprise come flying around it to confront Cucaracha Internacional about their attempts to cheat. Landon and co. fire back by pointing out Mackenzie... who comes crashing off the apron, courtesy of Megan Skye! Megan lays Mackenzie out with a big slap, but gets blindsighted by Molly Nerdly who tackles her to the ground. And that's all the encouragement the guys need to start doing battle as well!! The Nashville crowd lap it up as the two hated forces brawl away on the floor. Moneymaker goes at it with Blonde, Black brawls with Bosley, Faqu is pounded by both Beverly Hills Blonds and the Big Apple Spectacular opponents Landon and CW get acquainted a week early! COLE It's breaking down between The Enterprise and Cucaracha Internacional! And this crowd is loving it! COACH They're all cheering for their favourites! COLE Yeah keep dreaming. As the brawl continues on the floor, Todd Cortez picks himself up and starts to go outside to get involved. But he stops midway through the ropes, looking at Landon holding CW in a tenuous headlock and waving for Todd's help, before throwing up his hands at the whole thing. Instead, Cortez goes back to the action... and EATS A BIG BOOT TO THE FACE!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh, CPA blindsighted him! CPA wastes no time in following up, pulling Cortez to all fours and applying a gutwrench. With a scowl on his face he then takes The Urban Legend up over his shoulder, angling him down to the canvas and DRIVING him down with the Dominator!! With no-one on the floor paying attention to the ring, CPA then turns Cortez over and covers... 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And The Enterprise are gonna win this! *DINGDINGDING!* The mass brawl continues unabated on the floor, while CPA's hand is raised in victory. BUFFER Your winner of the match... CHRISTOPHER PATRICK AAAALLLLLLEEEEEEEENN!!! CPA leaves the ring to join in the fight, but gets there a little too late as referees and officials start to pile out from the back to seperate the warring factions. The Cucaracha Internacional members are able to get away under Landon's encouragement and head for the back, Landon realising what's happened as Moneymaker starts to gloat. Casting a disgusted look at Cortez in the ring Landon vows things will be different in a week's time, from behind a sea of bodies of course. Moneymaker meanwhile laughs it up and makes the "money fingers" while patting CPA on the back. COLE The Enterprise win the first battle here tonight and it's thanks to an assist from Landon Maddix, accidentaly distracting Todd Cortez by calling for his help. You know, it's amazing how much Landon values Cortez when it's useful for him, isn't it? COACH I doubt he values him much now. Cortez dropped the ball yet again. COLE He wasn't even expecting to wrestle tonight until Landon bailed at the last minute. And then he got blindsighted by a boot he didn't see coming! Cucaracha Internacional continue to be guided backstage, belatedly joined by Megan who apparantly nobody thought to help with her two on one predicament. And nobody comes to Cortez's aid as he sits up in the ring, nursing his head from the big boot. COLE But whatever way you look at it, The Enterprise pick up the win over Cucaracha Internacional. And what omens does that cast over the meeting between Landon Maddix and Christian Wright next week in Central Park, in the Money In The Bank Tournament? COACH I don't know how much it's gonna be a factor. Teddy and The Enterprise have the bragging rights, but they didn't beat Landon's best, they beat his worst, so I doubt he'll be too crushed about it. The Enterprise continue to gloat over their victory at ringside as we fade away.

Well, if I'm picking a player specifically to be a substitute then there really is only one pick. The super-sub himself. 28 goals as a sub for United in his career, including THAT ONE in the Nou Camp. The Baby Faced Assassin... Ole Gunnar Solskjaer

Punk already has about 3 or 4 (maybe more) Best of DVDs so I don't know that'd be absolutely neccesary but it could be cool for a complete set. Getting ROH footage would be more difficult. They'd have a better shot at getting IWA-MS or smaller independents footage. Of course, they would probably only take footage against other current WWE talent such as Sydal, Gibson, Cabana, Kendrick and Kennedy. I would hope they have more OVW footage then anything else. If they did get IWA-MS footage, they could just grab the triple threat Punk/Mysterio/Eddie match and maybe a Punk/Eddie singles match. The major crutch, besides there being no real precedent that I'm aware of of DVDs using indy footage except for The Hardys in OMEGA, would be that Ian Rotten isn't exactly the biggest McMahon fan. Then again, given the chance, I'm sure money would talk.

Special Challenge Match 1 member of The Enterprise vs. 1 member of Cucaracha Internacional

Thanks for handling my picks again Franchise. Pretty pleased with what I've got looking at it, I'll have to get an FM screen done.

Money In The Bank First Round Matches Landon Maddix vs. Christian Wright (Cucaracha Internacional vs. Enterprise!) Faqu vs. Colombian Heat (Non Title!)

[IMG=http://i261.photobucket.com/albums/ii59/KingCucaracha/shirts/matches/malaysiajade.jpg] BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall and is for the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP! Not quite so fast there Mr. Buffer! Before he can get the cue to continue we cut backstage to find Jade Rodez walking to the ring. With a nervous look on her face and many deep breaths she tries to get herself into the right state of mind ahead of her title challenge. A task made that bit harder by Terry Taylor's intrusions. TAYLOR Jade! JADE Oh, hi Terry. TAYLOR Any last words before your big Women's Title match tonight? :O Uhm, not that I mean 'last words' in that sense, I'm sure you're going to do just fine daughter of the woman I fear more than the reaper himself, I just mean, you know... JADE Don't worry. Actually yeah, I guess there kinda is something. I wanna dedicate this match to Kris... uh, my mom. And I had an announcement I was going to save for later. But seeing as you're here... after a lot of thought, I've decided to... take the family name. So, from now on, I'm going to be Jade Rodez-Duncan. Hyphenated. So I guess tonight, I really am dedicating this match to Krista. Since after tonight, there'll be a Duncan woman holding gold again. Looking relieved to have gotten that off her chest, Jade smiles as she pats Terry on the shoulder and heads off. COACH Oh, the embarrassment just piles up! At least before Krista could just say 'oh, yeah, she's a distant relative, see the names don't match!' Now the Duncan name is going to get stomped into the ground just like Jade's face! COLE The match hasn't even started and already you're predicting it'll be no contest? COACH Pretty much, yup. Finally we're back on schedule with the cueing of "Date With The Night" by The YeahYeahYeahs. Heading out into the arena, Jade Rodez-Duncan as we are now to know her greets the warm reception from the crowd with shy good graces, waving a hand to the crowd on her way down the aisle. She tags a few hands before entering the ring with little grandour. BUFFER Introducing first, the challenger. She hails from Grand Rapids, Michigan... JJAAAAAADDEEEE... RRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE It's worth noting that all outside parties have been banned from ringside for this match by order of Josie Baker. That means no D*LUX, no Krista and most thankfully of all no Jock Mulligan. COACH What do you mean 'most thankfully'? COLE This Women's Title match should be a Dick free-zone. Jade goes through some very basic warm-ups, waiting nervously for the sounds of Motley Crue's "Wild Side" to kick in. Suddenly there's an air of dread as Malaysia steps through the curtains and raises the Women's Championship proudly over her head, scowling out towards the ring. BUFFER And introducing her opponent! Hailing from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. She is the reigning and defending OAOAST Women's Champion... the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns... MMMMAAAAALLLAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIAAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Cracking her whip menacingly Malaysia stares down the fans. COLE Last time these two met, back when Malaysia first arrived in the OAOAST a few months ago, it was about as comprehensive as it gets. This time, Women's Title on the line, Jade has a lot more to fight for... who knows. Stranger things have happened. COACH Hmm, let's see about that. Have you ever actually gotten laid? COLE Yes! COACH Okay then, fair enough. Was it with a woman? COLE Yes! COACH Holy crap, $30 on Jade in that case! Malaysia climbs into the ring and casts the same heart-chilling stare that she gave the crowd towards Jade. The challenger cowers back in the corner a little, but tries not to show too much of her nerves. Referee Mark Hebner holds the Women's Title overhead for the crowd as the intimidating staring continues. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE There's the bell and we're going to see if it'll be better second time around for Jade against Malaysia. Malaysia stands her ground near her corner and waits for the challenger to come to her, which Jade is a little tentative to do. She tiptoes forward, hands up ready to guard. But Malaysia just stands there. Jade ends up right in front of Malaysia with no attack yet, so she initiates a lock-up and grabs a side headlock. With ease Malaysia throws her off into the ropes though, then knocks Jade on her BUTT with a shoulder tackle. Jade sits up with a nervous look on her face and backs away to the ropes to give herself time and space to get back up. "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" "LET'S GO JADE!" Getting her head together, Jade tries to draw on the support of the crowd like her uncle would. COACH These people really aren't doing her any favours. Jade moves in towards Malaysia again, this time surprising her with a boot to the gut. And another boot, doubling Malaysia up a little. Just a little though, forcing Jade to keep attacking, with forearm strikes now. A succession of them connect but Malaysia stays on her feet and just shoves Jade away. Jade rolls through to her feet and comes right back at the Women's Champion though, her bravery earning the raised support of the Birmingham crowd. After another few forearms Jade grabs Malaysia by the wrist and goes for an irish whip... but Malaysia doesn't budge. Jade tries again and again, but still Malaysia stays rooted to the spot, so Jade quickly lets her go and hits the ropes herself with a clothesline. COLE Look at Jade taking it to Malaysia like no-one we've seen! COACH Yeah and look at the total lack of damage she's doing in the process. Taking no more than a backstep, Malaysia smiles back at Jade and tells her "Harder.", which kinda creeps the challenger out. But she stays on the attack, putting everything she has behind a second clothesline. Still there's no effect though. MALAYSIA HARDER! JADE AAAHHHHHH! Drawing on some rarely displayed intensity, Jade fires up and hits the ropes again... but by this point Malaysia has had enough and satisfies her desire for pain through Jade, clubbing her off her feet with her own brutal clothesline!! COACH DAYYUM! COLE Well, you have to admire Jade's spirit in coming out here and attacking Malaysia like she has. But unfortunately, spirit alone might not be enough to survive this test. Jade rolls around holding the back of her head from the brutal shot. Smiling again, Malaysia walks over and stomps her right in the back. And again. And even a third time. Jade tries to crawl over to the ropes but gets cut off with an elbow drop to the lower back as well. The mighty Nerdly child then rolls over, pinning Jade down with two knees in her back. Eyes widening, Jade realises she's in trouble and flails around hoping to get the ropes, but is agonisingly short and gets fish-hooked by Malaysia! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Malaysia breaks the hold but the unnerving smile on her face makes Hebner a little tentative to get to five anyway. She slams a forearm down into the back of Jade's neck, then grabs two handfuls of hair and pulls back, causing Jade to scream out in pain. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Another break just in time. COLE The masochistic Malaysia, clearly enjoying herself here. This is kinda hard to watch. COACH Unless you're into that stuff. Which I am. That's why I'm strangely quiet right now. I'm just watching. Oh yeah. Satisfied for now, Malaysia climbs off of Jade and picks strands of blonde hair from between her fingers, gazing at them as they fall to the canvas. Malaysia walks back over and hangs Jade up across the middle rope, placing a knee in her back to choke her on the rope! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" Malaysia pulls Jade back to her feet and clubs her in the back with a forearm. Falling to a knee, Jade is hurting and things don't get better after a big back suplex from Malaysia. Cover by the Champ, with a forearm pressed against the jaw... 1... 2... No! COLE Jade isn't going to give up without a fight. She's not just doing this for herself tonight, she wants that Women's Title to make Krista proud. COACH Yeah, because Krista cares SOOO much about the OAOAST Women's Championship, right? Poor deluded Jade. Not looking too disappointed at only getting 2, Malaysia pulls Jade back up. Showing heart, Jade delivers a punch to the gut from her knees. And a second one. Malaysia puts a stop to the fight with a double axehandle between the shoulder blades though, then twists around on the hair and pulls Jade backwards into a forearm to the kidneys. COLE This is just brutal. Malaysia simply punishes her opponents and seems to get this sick enjoyment from doing it. Malaysia turns back to back with her pained challenger and underhooks the arms. With her overwhelming power she then elevates Jade up across her back, stretching her in the Gory Guerrero Special! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE And now a submission hold, more pain for Jade. Despite the pain ripping through her back and shoulders Jade shakes her head 'no' in a refusal to quit. She shouts out in pain though as Malaysia starts to bend down towards the mat applying further pressure. Clearly in need of support, the fans get behind Jade with some clapping, which does nothing to help with the pain but at least gives her some encouragement I guess. Jade starts to try and fight the hold and tries to get at least one arm free. Before that can happen, Malaysia simply lets her go and Jade is left to fall face-first to the canvas. COLE I wonder what Krista is thinking watching this. COACH Krista? Watching this? A-HA! A-HAHAHAHA... ah... nah I'm sure she's glued to this, don't mind me. Malaysia walks away into a corner and waits for Jade to drag her aching bones off the mat. Holding a hand to her back, Jade turns around and Malaysia charges in with another clothesline... but Jade ducks, catching an arm around Malaysia's body and tripping her up before leaning across the legs to stack her up... COLE Wait a minute, a cover! 1... 2... NO! Able to power out, Malaysia walks into a boot and a front facelock, Jade twirling a finger. COACH You know, with someone with such a charismatic uncle and the most OTT mother in the known universe, Jade sure is dishwater dull, huh? Jade leaps off her feet with a DDT attempt... but it's imminently clear that Malaysia is in control and proceeds to throw Jade off, for another face-first landing! As Jade gets back up, Malaysia then comes off the ropes, DRIVING her boot right into Jade's chest and sending her lurching right back down! COLE Oh my what a kick! COACH Like she was trying to kick a door off it's hinges. She might have caved Jade's chest in. COLE And sadly the end may be near for Jade's dream of becoming Women's Champion. With the smile back on her face, Malaysia looks out at the crowd and the smile contorts into something more sinister. With Jade on her stomach, the Women's Champion steps over and sits out, dropping her body-weight across the lower back. Malaysia then reaches back and hooks both legs, standing up to apply the torturous Inverted Boston Crab! *TAPTAPTAP!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *DINGDINGDING!* COACH Second verse, same as the first. After a couple of seconds more enjoyment, Malaysia throws Jade's legs away and looks back into the crowd as she raises her hands dominantly overhead. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner and STILL OAOAST Women's Champion... MALAYSIA NNEEEERRRRRRRDDLLLLYYYYYYY!! Jade holds her back and cringes in pain, checked on by referee Hebner who has handed over the title belt and waves at Malaysia to go. Malaysia stays stood over Jade's body though as she raises the Women's Title over her head. With the title still overhead she looks down and smiles in satisfaction at the suffering she's inflicted before she finally leaves. COLE A dominating performance, as we've come to expect in the short time Malaysia Nerdly has been in the OAOAST. Again, you have to admire Jade's guts for challenging her after last time and for taking the fight to Malaysia in the opening going. But... COACH But she just ain't got what it takes! That was an embarrassment to the Duncan name, just as predicted. When was the last time a Duncan was left laying and in need of medical attention after a match in the OAOAST Michael? Never! Because when was the last time that Duncan wasn't Krista? Never! Jade wanted to impress mommy, but all she did was prove she ain't good enough to carry Krista's legacy! Guts, heart, whatever. She can have all that but unlike Krista she ain't got the attributes that matter. COLE That's harsh and to be expected from you I guess. And as expected, I don't agree. Jade isn't Krista, but she's never claimed to be. She just wants to make her proud. COACH Well, she's done a great job so far! If Krista's match with Thunderkid goes anything like this did... well, I'll be delighted. But also stunned. That's the difference. Malaysia walks away with the Women's Title over her shoulder, as in the ring Jade is clearly in serious discomfort and will need to be helped from the ring as we fade away.

So, who's on 2nd? The daughter of Who? Who's on 2nd? What's on 1st then? No, Who's on 1st.

Seeing the Wrestling Roster Draft doing similar, would it be worth doing a round where we draft a home stadium for our fictional team?

Fly/Leon is done so I stuck the show up assuming we're not waiting on anything else. We'll see, but yeah, it's in Home Ent.

So, I'm going to be away from the 19th until about the 28th. Any PMs you send during said dates will go unanswered. That is all. I should get my Big Apple matches done ahead of time though. I'd better, anyway.

Might as well close the thread, Steviekick's won already with Mantis and Hydra.

COLE Earlier tonight we were scheduled to see Todd Cortez in singles competition, but the ki-bosh was well and truly put on that by Landon Maddix. We understand that Josh Matthews is now standing by with Landon and the rest of the members of Cucaracha Internacional, let's go back and hope we can get some more information. Josh? We cut to Josh and the ranks of Cucaracha Internacional, which do not include Todd Cortez, at the interview sports lounge kinda thing that Patty decribed a couple of weeks ago! MATTHEWS Landon Maddix... MADDIX Woah woah, hang on a second. When the hell did we get this place? MATTHEWS A little while ago. MADDIX You're kidding? Right? I've been cutting interview in front of a blank wall for years and there's been all this set up, every HeldDOWN~!, every week? And nobody told me about it? That is bogus! MATTHEWS Uhm, yes. Now, Landon, if we could talk about what happened earlier on. Distracted by all the video screens, Landon clearly doesn't hear Josh's question. MADDIX Yeah, that's whatever you were talking about alright. Now, let's talk about something of more pressing importance. See I predicted boldly that War Games was going to mark the explosion onto the OAOAST scene for Cucaracha Internacional. And it didn't work out that way, due solely to internal sabotage in the camp. Todd Cortez made his bed. And as I told him earlier, he's damn sure gonna lie in it until he does something to redeem himself to me. No more Mr. Nice Landon. Landon once again milks the injuries he may or may not be still carrying and the bandage on his head that he definately is. MADDIX Much as I'm determined to deal with the aftermath of what happened, I'm determined to look forward to the future. We still hold the World 6-Man Tag Team Championships. We proved the dominance we possess between us when we shed the blood of Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez and the rest at The Great Angle Bash. And now, we're looking ahead. Defeat in War Games didn't beat me before. It drove me. It strengthened my resolve. It turned me into the champion I would soon become. And history will repeat itself soon, because finally I've got a shot again. In the Money In The Bank Tournament. And so has this man, Faqu! Stepping forward, Faqu beats his chest menacingly. MADDIX The World Heavyweight Championship and $500,000 on the line and everybody knows, the last time somebody held Money In The Bank, it was me. The last time somebody cashed in Money In The Bank, it was me. And the last time somebody used that contract to win the World Title, well, that was me too! Small wonder. It doesn't really matter if it's me or if it's Faqu. In the end, when we do it all over again and bring the World Title home, then everybody will sit up and take notice again. Cucaracha Internacional will ride high in the OAOAST where we belong. And there'll be no Todd Cortez to stop me this time. There'll be... Landon suddenly trails off upon seeing the members of THE ENTERPRISE crashing the interview set! An air of tension rises between the two groups as they square up. Theodore Moneymaker steps out in front of his followers and things calm down a little. MONEYMAKER My apologies for interrupting, gentlemen. But I've got to take some issue here. MADDIX Yeah well you needn't bother, we didn't know about this place either. MONEYMAKER Wha... nevermind. No, infact I'd like to take issue with these predictions you're making and advise you not to write cheques you won't be able to cash without $500,000 burning your pockets. See you've been very vocal these past few weeks, Mr. Maddix. You've been claiming to anyone that'll listen than Cucaracha Internacional is to prove itself the best and most dominant force in the OAOAST. Moneymaker turns back at the sounds of sniggers from Ned and Simon in particular. MONEYMAKER And yet, every time you say that, you go out and do something in the ring to renege on those big words. You lost The Match Of Champions. You lost War Games. Face facts, you're nowhere near being the most powerful force in the OAOAST. Because, where-as you fellows are big on the promises and not so big on following through with them, The Enterprise are the ones changing the very DNA of the OAOAST! MADDIX So you had a say in who the new authority figure is around here. Big whoop. I actually run a wrestling company, remember. The Enterprise send up more sniggers and more scowling looks fire back from Landon and co. MONEYMAKER How very dear. Tell me Landon, this Money In The Bank Tournament, have you had anything like this in your company? Or do your straight to DVD shows not make the kind of money I, Theodore Moneymaker, have donated to this tournament? I rather suspect that's the case. MADDIX Please. So you threw some money around and somebody took your idea. Big whoop. You're not running anything, you're just a benefactor. Who's really going to benefit in the end. The guy who wins it and the person who's actually running things. Last I checked, neither of those are you. MONEYMAKER And what makes you think you will be Landon? Need I remind you that your first round match in the tournament will be against The Enterprise's financial guru, Christian Wright? CW steps forward, to a shrug from Landon. MONEYMAKER What luck! I guess we'll have the chance see which group really is the power and dominance around here in New York City, won't we? MADDIX Let me save you the trouble. My hired muscle is more dangerous than your hired muscle. My manager is hotter than yours and isn't a closet lesbian. My tag team have gold around their waist, where-as yours can't even hold onto their own talk show in a company with about six of the damn things! And at least my protege is a complete and utter failure because of my doing, instead of in [i]spite[/i] of it like yours! Oh, and I'm a former World Heavyweight Champion and the Commissioner of the SWF. You're trying your best to run this place and win a belt but neither's quite happened yet. You're a trier. That's admirable. As the smiles rise on the faces of Landon, Black and Blonde, Moneymaker steams a little. MONEYMAKER You're a confident man Landon. Confidence is an admiral trait, but falce confidence is just an annoyance. So I have a little proposal for you. Let's not wait until The Big Apple Spectacular, shall we? How about next week, we test our troops. Let the actions speak for the words. I'll hand-pick one of my Enterprise and you can can choose any of your Cucaracha International colleagues, for a one on one match. MADDIX Sounds good to me. MONEYMAKER Who knows, maybe I'll give you a first-hand example of why The Enterprise is so revered around these parts. MADDIX Well I was probably going to do that via your lackey the week after anyway, but yeah, who knows. Still steamed up a little, Moneymaker clicks his fingers and his Enterprise colleauges follow him out of the set, all except CPA who's locked in a staredown with Faqu. The two bigmen of the groups are finally prised apart as Moneymaker calls CPA off, Faqu grunting away as Landon smirks to himself.

As we return to the arena, "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche hits. Through the sparkles left behind by a quick burst of pyro, Todd Cortez marches out ready for action. COLE Todd Cortez coming off a big victory in War Games, AGAINST the group of which he is contracted, Cucaracha Internacional. And against his supposed boss, Landon Maddix. COACH Cortez shouldn't even be here after he used that Riot Act Plus at The Great Angle Bash! COLE But as we found out, the deal is off. Landon made the agreement with AngleSault but was never put into writing. The Riot Act Plus is reinstated in the OAOAST, mainly because Landon was all too willing for Cortez to use it three days before on Zack Malibu! That voided the deal in Josie Baker's eyes. And now the power has shifted at the top, things have changed for Todd Cortez. COACH But one thing hasn't changed, he's STILL a member of Cucaracha Internacional, like it or not! Cortez enters the ring and removes his bulletproof vest and gold cross as the introductions finally begin. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first... MADDIX CORTEZ! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" And the introductions are abruptly interrupted. The fans howl derision as LANDON MADDIX appears on the AngleTron, bandaged up after the damage done in War Games. Landon wears a scowl on his face as Megan stands at his side, hand comfortingly on his shoulder. MADDIX Todd Cortez, I must ask... what in the HELL is wrong with you!? Huh!? In the ring, Cortez stares up at the big screen. MADDIX Another month, another betrayal of trust. I am sick to death of this! I continue to give you second chances to make something of yourself and you continue to keep throwing it back in my face. There's only so much one man can take Cortez. Landon scowls again, milking the injuries from War Games. MADDIX Cortez... once again you have crossed the line with me. You've crossed it such a way that there is no turning back now. See, I'm sure you feeling pretty proud of yourself. You've got your 'move' back. You got your win. You got one over on me in War Games. And you feel like you got away with it. Well there couldn't be anything further from the truth. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" MADDIX Just what in the hell are you expecting to happen as a result of all this? You think that if you keep turning your back on me, sooner or later I'll let you be the 'superstar' you want to be? You really think it's that easy? Cortez, you are NOTHING without me. It's all about freedom in that thick skull of yours. Yet you don't realise what 'freedom' is going to mean for you in this cold, harsh environment. Maybe one day you'll finally get what you want. Miracles happen, after all. Maybe one day you'll FINALLY cast off the shackles, step out of my shadow, you'll go out and you'll make fortnightly appearances on this show, maybe win a meaningless title somewhere down the road. Is that what you want? You want me to let you be your own man, survive on your own mistakes? Keep toiling away until one day you reach that holy grail when the OAOAST trawl through 10 years of footage to scrape together a DVD for ya? Because you know what, when they do, they're gonna have to call it Todd Cortez: The Landon Maddix Story! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Cortez, leant over the ropes, rolls his eyes. MADDIX Let me spell this out to you one more time and rest assured, this WILL be the last time. It's not... going... to happen. Give it up already. You're worse than Hilary Clinton for god's sake! COLE There's a fresh reference. COACH Shh! MADDIX People like you are a dime a dozen. You just got lucky by getting tangled up in La Cucaracha's coattails! It could have been any number of people leeching off of my popularity, my talent. I was four-time SWF Tag Champion, I could have picked any number of followers. Hell, I STILL could. The common denominator is La Cucaracha. You are just a warm body. I could take anybody, ANYBODY AT ALL, and make them twice the man you are. I... hey, you, get over here! Come on... Landon motions off screen and calls over a rather confused looking MR. BORICUA. MADDIX How do you fancy being a somebody? A right-hand man, somebody I can trust, you fit the bill, all you've gotta do is listen and learn from yours truly. Engage brain, not mouth. Understand? What do you say? Boricua kinda shrugs and Landon promptly sends him on his way. MADDIX You see Cortez, it would be THAT simple to replace you! Now I don't have a clue who that was, but he could be everything you're not. Hardly able to believe this mad rambling, Cortez continues to watch on. MADDIX You may have the right to do your little fancy flip piledriver back. And you may well have caused me to lose War Games... again. (Landon pauses, gritting his teeth) But that is going to be the very LAST high-point in your life until you finally see sense and admit that I am your superior!! See, at War Games, I saw you for what you really are. An ANIMAL! You stood over me with that spike in your hand... and I looked at the sadistic look in your eyes. You're a sick man. A disgrace. You've lost my respect in many ways Todd Cortez, for your lack of gratitude, for your insubordination. Sunday, you lost my respect as a human-being. Which is why you are STILL the lowest man in the Cucaracha Internacional pecking order, you will REMAIN the lowest man in the lowest man in the Cucaracha Internacional pecking order... and Cortez, unlike the past, I will have NO regrets about seeing your career waste away until you do something to redeem yourself to me! So with that said, as your contract holder, your match tonight is officially cancelled! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What!? Can he do that? COACH Apparantly he can. Cortez holds his hands on his hips, seemingly asking the same question Michael Cole just did. Referee Mike Chioda seems confused as well having been assigned this match and not told about any cancellations. COLE Well... I'm hearing through my headset, we are infact going to a break! I guess Maddix HAS cancelled this match, I can't believe this! COACH Well you know what they say Michael. A... [b]*COMMERCIAL*[/b]

I was going to say the return of Fake Kane, but I guess that's out of the question. Crap, they don't have any Kane horror movies coming out that I haven't heard about, do they? If this is May 19th all over again then I quit right now.

Here's what I had on my prospectives. Garvin/Valentine, Rumble 90 New Foundation/O.Express, Rumble 92 Rude/Warrior, Summerslam 90 Demolition/Hart Foundation, Summerslam 90 Razor/Bret, Rumble 93 HHH/Rock, Summerslam 98 - (I'm actually really surprised this didn't go) Angle/Lesnar/Show, Vengance 03 Too Cool and Rikishi vs. Edge, Christian and Angle, JD2000 - (JUGBAND~!) Dumpster Match, WM XIV Cena vs. Edge vs. Orton vs. HBK, Backlash 07 HHH vs. Flair, Raw 2003 - (The one with the post-match tribute to Flair) Cabana vs. Delirious, ROH 5th Year Finale PAC vs. El Generico, PWG Doom vs. Anderson and Windham, Starrcade 90 Ebessan vs. Kushinobu Kamen, Osaka Pro - No idea on date or location, but the match on IVP's Puroresu Sampler DVD)

Much as I like the whole 'anarchy without Vince' thing, I don't understand how him being in the building would have prevented a light falling over during an interview or a fan running loose in the arena as it apparantly has done every show for the past 15 years, but whatever. The Kane thing is probably a huge mislead that's going to lead to something else, like it turns out he's talking about 'the old Kane' or some crap like that. Unless it turns out he's really Vince's bastard child I don't understand why he'd care about him either way. And they already ruled that out during the storyline.

Milano worked in America for a short while in '05. He made a couple of ROH appearances and worked quite a few shows for CHIKARA against the likes of Chris Hero and Claudio Castagnoli.

A Rodez For The Gold, Part I OAOAST Women's Championship Malaysia Nerdly © vs. Jade Rodez A Rodez For The Gold, Part II OAOAST Heartland Championship Sandman9000 © vs. Leon Rodez Plus Todd Cortez in action

"Oh my god Mike Vickie Guerrero is losing it here can you believe this and oh look at this now here comes Edge walking up the ramp what are we gonna see here now Mike could it be that the power couple are ready to implode!?" "I don't know Don but I'll tell you this much it looks like the power couple are having some major problems here as we see Edge trying to reason with his fiancee!" "This is just unbelievable Mike and this crowd cannot believe what they're seeing in front of their very eyes!"

So, having just watched Ortiz's match. Whoever said he looked like someone pretending to be a wrestler was dead-on. Actually, he reminded me of a Tough Enough student more than an OVW call-up. Goofy hair, crap ring gear, fake charisma, jock personality, could do a dropkick okay but that's about it. He just looked your average jock who could barely believe he was on WWE TV.

Okay, out of plenty of good potential picks I'm finally going with the power of the 'tache up beside Cantona. I figure these two would make a half-decent strike partnership, in the vain of the big-man-little-man combo but with a touch of something different thrown in. A true Liverpool legend and one of the most prolific strikes in the English game. Ian Rush