King Cucaracha

Shayne Brave vs. Synth Abdul Jabbar More Leon recruitment bits.

"Thriller" by Fallout Boy hits. Red and blue lights splash across the stage as Baron Windels marches out and points to either side of himself, as MARV and MEL rush out, The Christ Air Express, hitting their leaping double high-five. The CAE's orange and blue ascending pyro rockets combine with Baron's orange descending one (thankfully aimed away from the guys on the stage) and all is right with the world. Melody Nerdly jogs out to join her team, followed out by a waving Tim Cash BUFFER The following eight man tag team contest is set for one fall! Introducing first. At a total combined weight of eight hundred and fifty five pounds. They are accompanied to the ring by MELODY NERDLY. First, the team of TIM CASH and BARON WINDELS, they are CITIZEN SOLDIERS... and their partners, MARV and MEL, THE CHRIST AAAIIIIIIRRR... EEEXXXPPRRREEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The CAE hit the ring first and climb the turnbuckles to play to the crowd. Baron and Cash make a calmer walk to the ring, the kind Tim holding the ropes open for Melody. COLE What a fine selection of OAOAST talent! COACH Aka, buncha whitebread nice guys you like. As the foursome exchange high-fives and, in the case of Cash, handshakes, boos begin to filter through the crowd. Not for the whitebread good guys, but for the equally white LANDON MADDIX, appearing on the stage with a microphone and his SWF OAOAST 6-Man ICTV title belt over his shoulder. MADDIX Guys. Good to see you out here. Now, I know a couple of weeks ago, you won your match with the Queen's team and I made it pretty clear on commentary that I was looking for some 8-man tag challengers out of that match. And I know that weeks before that, I stated to the world that Cucaracha Internacional would take on any challenge, from any eight man team, to prove that we are infact the best unit in the entire OAOAST. But, here's the thing. I went to go back and watch over your match, because even though you won, I remember thinking during the match, you weren't so much a four man team, as two two man teams together. And that's the kind of thing I notice as leader of the 8-Man Tag Team Champions. It bugged me. Thing is, my lousy DVR didn't record the show that week. Thank you, Best Buy. And when I went to watch the tape afterwards, the guys in the production truck said they didn't have any copies of it for some reason. COLE Gee, I wonder who to blame for that. Maybe the woman who's been going around burning any tape of her men losing! COACH That Best Of All The Queen's Men DVD is gonna be a bitch to compile. MADDIX With no footage to review, all I've got to go off is my memory and as I said, I don't remember being overly impressed. Infact, if anything, I was more impressed by your opponents... the Queen guys. So, tonight, I've set up a little match for you. A chance to impress me. If you guys can win in under five minutes, we'll give you a title shot at Zero Hour. But if not, then I guess I'll have to give it to the Queen and her guys. Best of luck. Baron, Cash and The CAE talk this revelation over, looking confused. MADDIX Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for their opponents, three thirds of the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions, three parts of the strongest unit in the OAOAST, reigning champions since way back in November of 2008... The grand introduction is interrupted, though, as out onto the stage appears Megan Skye... and Megan Skye alone. MADDIX ...accompanied by Megan Skye, I guess, ladies and gentlemen, JA... Megan makes a cutting throat gesture. MADDIX Megan, honey, I'm kinda busy here. I'll be with you in a second. AS I WAS SAYING, JAMES BLO... Megan makes the gesture again. Rolling his eyes, Landon turns around and realising he's in public, speaks through gritted teeth. Sadly, still loud enough for the microphone he neglects to discard to pick up. MADDIX What? What was it? MEGAN There's a problem. MADDIX (looking around nervously) Uhm... where are the guys? MEGAN They're not coming. MADDIX What do you mean they're not coming!? You went to Australia with them and you got back okay. Oh. I see. Don't tell me, they were eaten by kangaroos! Great prank! Ha ha ha! You're a laugh a minute. Seriously though where are they? MEGAN Well, [i]somebody[/i] forgot to sort out their paperwork, so now, they can't get into the country. MADDIX What!? No no, that can't be right. I told you a couple of weeks ago we needed to get the visas sorted and you told me you were going to fax them over and I... Landon slowly trails, his eyes widening. MEGAN Didn't check your [i]e-mails[/i], I [i]know[/i]. MELODY Yeah, it's 2009 grampa, who even uses a 'fax machine' nowadays? Phff! What did ya do, write the paperwork on a 'typewriter'. Do you, like, work out of a museum?! Processing all this news, Landon realises he's in the wrong, but does a good job of being annoyed with Megan anyway. COLE Cucaracha Internacional were over in Australia doing promotional work, ready for our show next week in Sydney and it looks like our foreign friends had some problems at the immigration desk! MADDIX Alright, fine. I'll be in the match! I'm no illegal alien! South Dakota, born and bred baby. Yee-ha! No visa problems here! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX Don't boo me, I'm an American! Darn tootin'... and so forth. (turns to Megan) Find me three partners. Quick. MEGAN Way ahead of you. What a surprise. As she mutters that line under her breath, Megan hands Landon a piece of paper. MADDIX Okay, well, my point still stands. You guys still have to win in under five minutes or I'm going to have to give the lovely Queen's group the first shot. Don't think you're getting off easy. And aside from me, you're going to be facing my three tag team partners... Landon gives the big build-up, made bigger when he stops and just stares at the paper, squinting as if confused by the words he's reading. MADDIX My... partners? ... Wesley Price... [i]Chuck McChesney[/i]... and [b][i]"Burly" Billy Fergus[/i][/b]!? Who are these people!? These people would be jobbers. And those jobbers walk out, filling Landon with even more despair as he's confronted by two skinny, pasty white bodies and the kinda pudgy, hairy body of Pinkerton. Landon looks over at Megan, who shrugs her shoulders and says "it's the best I could do", before WALKING OFF. Yes, she actually walks off and saddles Landon with the three geeks as he stands with arms open, wondering what the hell is going on. COLE This is FAR from the strongest unit in the OAOAST. In terms of strong units, this may be the IKEA of professional wrestling teams! COACH I swear that guy in the blue was one of the guys putting up the ring earlier. SWEAR IT. Landon looks completely helpless and after realising there's no way out, he looks at his 'partners', who are all grouped in front of him as if waiting for instructions on what the hell to do. Landon angrily tells them to "get to the ring" and eventually follows. COLE Well this will be a test of Landon's leadership skills, for certain. The three no-names with stupid names climb onto the apron, with Landon on the stops. He points at one of them and tells them to get in the ring, hands annoyed on his hips. And that one starts off with Tim Cash, for the amused team on the other side. *DINGDINGDING* Cash offers a handshake to the first rookie, Wesley Price. Which he accepts, causing Landon to angrily turn his back on the match. COLE At least wait until he gets beat before you flip out. They circle and lock-up. Cash quickly goes behind on Wesley and takes him down in a waistlock. Cash floats over and applies a front facelock, before barrel rolling Wesley over and forcing his shoulders down... 1... 2... Landon comes in and breaks the count. COLE Landon, clearly with no faith in his partner. COACH Can you blame him? Cash seems as annoyed as Tim Cash can get and sportingly lets his opponent get back up. Another handshake is offered and Price goes to accept, as shouts of "KICK HIM!" echo from his corner... and the impressionable rookie does it, earning him a chorus of boos! COACH Now come on, how can you not say Landon's a great leader? It took him 20 seconds to get this kid clued in. 20 seconds! Even Price looks surprised at what he just did and takes a moment to follow up. He hits Cash with a couple of forearms, before hitting the ropes. Cash ducks a clothesline though and fires off a Backbrain Wheelkick, felling young Wesley! Rolling to his feet, Cash makes the tag to Baron Windels. The big Texan helps Price up, then nails him with a Cowboy Bebop elbow! Baron then wrings the arm. Which is too much for Landon, running into the ring and breaking up the 'submission', then dragging Wesley over to the corner with him, so Chuck McChesney can tag in. COLE Let's see if this young man fares any better against The Lonestar Gunslinger. After a peptalk from Landon, McChesney is fired up. So fired up that he lets out a semi-convincing warcry and charges across the ring. Unfortunately, he charges right into Baron Windels' boot to the face and is turned inside out. "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Landon holds his head in his hands. COACH This is completely unfair! Landon wasn't expecting this when he made this match, he had different opponents, people who could last five minutes... this shouldn't be happening! COLE If Landon and Cucaracha Internacional are so open to any challenge, what does it matter? Why does he not want to be facing Baron, Cash, MARV and MEL instead of All The Queen's Men? COACH ...that's not the point! Tag is made to MARV. He instantly tags to MEL, allowing five seconds to whip McChesney to the ropes. A double back elbow knocks him down. MARV then picks MEL up for a back suplex and jumps forward, causing all four legs to come down on McChesney with a modified double legdrop!! The Christ Air Express quickly roll back to their feet, catching Landon running towards them and causing him to take a u-turn back out of the ring. MADDIX ...damnit, don't stand there staring at me, get in there! "Burly" Billy does as he's told and runs into the ring. Actually, 'run' probably isn't the word for it. He uses his momentum to move forward at a certain pace. MARV and MEL have plenty of time to catch onto the chubby jobber's arm and twist them with double arm wringers. Sandwiching his head with double elbow strikes, they twist away and connect with an enziguri/gamengiri combo, sandwiching him again! With Fergus dazed, they guide him off towards Baron, who comes off the top with the Flying Lariat!! COLE IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!!!! Back up, McChesney and Price find themselves faced off with MARV and MEL respectively. They turn and go to hit the ropes, but run straight into each other, in a cartoonish manner. COACH ...do you really think this is the best Megan could have found? COLE I think it's the best she [i]cared[/i] to find. Landon watches on, resigned. Melody's team stand around watching McChesney and Price trying to help each other to their feet, waiting for her signal... MELODY (deep voice) FINISH HIM. MARV and MEL take McChesney and take him to the PEARLY GATES with a Flatliner/Enziguri!! Next to them, Baron dishes out the BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL, while Cash thinks about putting on the Midwest Sling to Fergus, but decides he's suffered enough. 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And it looks like we've got ourselves number one contenders for Zero Hour. COACH Shenanigans! With hands on hips, Landon purses his lips, UNIMPRESSED with this turn of events. BUFFER Your winners of the match, the team of BARON WINDELS, TIM CASH and THE CHRIST AIIIIIRRR EXPRESS!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Baron leans over the ropes and opens up his arms, wondering if Landon is suitably impressed. Hands still on hips Landon just sadly turns and walks away, shaking his head. COLE Do you ever get the feeling Landon gets what he deserves sometimes? COACH How do you figure that? COLE Well, if he'd not told Megan he was going to do something and then not done it, maybe he might have provided a tougher five minutes, to stop Baron, Cash and The Christ Air Express from getting their title shot for whatever reason. COACH He doesn't want to stop them. He just wants to be sure they're a worthy enough team, that's all. COLE No favouritism shown at all to the Queen, of course, I see. Well either way, the strongest unit in the OAOAST will be tested at Zero Hour, work visas pending I suppose. Maybe Landon ought to mislay that paperwork a little longer.

I did. And then I forgot about it. Sorry!

I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ride! I date a girl who whips my hide And my 12 inches is my greatest pride I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls! "Womanizer" by Britney Spears pumps through the arena, as Mister Dick pumps through the entrance. Sneering at the capacity crowd, Mr Dick flicks back his growing blond locks and gives the crowd a good look at his glistening abdominals. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from San Antonio, Texas... weighing two hundred and thirty eight pounds. He is accompanied to the ring by MALAYSIA and represents THE DEADLY ALLIANCE... "THE HUMAN HARD ON"... MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR... DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The Phallic Phenom slides into the ring, guided by a gallon of baby oil. He goes to work on the ring canvas before getting to all fours, at which point Malaysia MOUNTS her man. COLE Mister Dick, no doubt about it, one of the best put together athletes in the OAOAST. But despite all that, it was near embarrassment at AngleSlam when he almost lost the Arm Wrestling Challenge to Biff Atlas. [QUOTE=OAOAST ANGLESLAM 2009]Though he’s not dominating the Human Hard On, Biff is firm control of the contest. The possibility of a loss frightens Mister Dick deep into his heart. It forces him to exert all his might to battle back against Biff’s assault. COLE Like I said earlier, Biff used to be a powerlifter and body builder, strength has always ran in his blood. COACH Yeah, its just intelligence that is out to lunch. “BIFF! BIFF! BIFF!” San Juan sings, giving Biff the added momentum he needs to push Mister Dick’s arm even closer to the table. Sweat rips a path across Mister Dick’s face, a product of his continual fretting over a loss. His worries are not unfounded; Biff continues to press his advantage, endangering Mister Dick’s hopes of a victory. COLE It could be over soon! And how would Mister Dick show his face to the rest of the Deadly Alliance if he lost this arm wrestling contest? We may never know the answer to such a question due to a panic filled Mister Dick ripping his hands away from his foe. As the crowd boos, Biff looks at Mister Dick with confusion and a hint of anger. But, Mister Dick couldn’t care less about Biff’s emotions, and he leaps over the table to tackle the would-be super hero. “BOOOOOOOOOOO!” The two trade hands on the floor, with Malaysia loving every second of the furious fight. Biff is able to use his (super?) strength to shove Mister Dick away from him. They both rise to their feet, and continue their crazed slug fest. Mister Dick resorts to using knees to attack his opponent. But Biff’s strong midsection reflects the attack, and he comes back at Mister Dick with more power than ever. COLE Its broken down here in Puerto Rico! Biff stands near the ropes ready to pounce upon Mister Dick. But the Cocky Prick moves much faster than his foe, and he strikes Biff in the face with a Stiff Kick. The blow upends Biff, and sends him toppling over the ring ropes. But much to his amazement and the fans’ he lands on his feet! Strangely Biff is tickled with delight and wonder at his soft and safe landing. Such a harmless fall can only be attributed. BIFF I….I…I…I CAN FLY!!!!!!! That mantra is chanted by Biff as he runs up the entrance ramp, eager to share his good news with Vinny.[/QUOTE] As the video recap ends, Biff Atlas is already halfway down to the ring, with no music to accompany him. The perils of being in gimmick limbo! The sounds of cheers make up somewhat for the music though as Biff marches confidently down the aisle. BUFFER And his opponent, from Venice Beach, California... weighing two hundred, twenty two pounds... BBIIIIIIIFFFFFFF... AAAATTLLLLLAAAAAAASSSSSSSSS!!! COACH So, lemme get this straight. Homeboy lives in fear, car drives past him, thinks he's got super-powers. Wins a match by accident, thinks he's got super-strength. Can't win an arm-wrestling contest, gets kicked over the top by the face, lands on his feet, thinks he can fly. Who the hell is in charge of employing these people!? Do we not have an IQ test at any point in the process? And if not, can we please start!? Biff climbs the ring steps and stands on the middle rope outside, looking out at the crowd. His eyes then gaze down at the arena floor. Biff starts to get a little fidgety and his right leg begins to hover, thinking of climbing to the top... but Mister Dick walks over and he quickly gets down. The referee moves Mr Dick back, yelling at Biff. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE So we've had the Arm Wrestling Challenge, now it's one on one. Waving Biff towards him, Mister Dick jaws away, no loss of confidence. Getting up in Biff's face he gives him a shove. Biff lowers his head and starts shaking. Mister Dick gives him another shove and yells at Biff to "FLY AWAY", not realising that he's making Biff angry. After another shove, Mr. Dick just turns his back and mocks the crowd for cheering such a pathetic loser. But when he turns around, Biff hits the ropes and FLIES!!! with a crossbody block! COLE OH MY! 1... 2... Kickout! Scrambling to his feet, Mr Dick cuts an amazed Biff off with a boot to the gut and starts clubbing away at the back. COLE I can't believe it, he really flew! COACH Yeah, THREE FEET off the ground! Someone call Mulder and Scully. Wild lefts and rights work Biff down to a knee, Mr Dick furious at being shown up and swiping at the air. Picking Biff up, he whips him to the ropes. Biff manages to duck a clothesline and wide-eyed, he FLIES!!! again... and gets caught. COACH Man, I think my Grampa could have jumped higher than that. With disdain, Mr Dick executes a bodyslam on Biff. Flicking his hair gives Mr Dick a little more happiness and he slowly picks Biff back up, to deliver a second bodyslam. "WHO'S GOT THE POWER NOW?" he asks, as he drops down and starts doing push-ups, making kissy-faces at Malaysia. COACH Imagine being underneath that. Just imagine. Like being trapped underneath an earthquake simulator. Mr Dick picks Biff up one more time and goes for a slow, deliberate bodyslam. But Biff slips out the back! Cursing, Mr Dick turns around and eats a right hand! A second! And a third! And with MD dazed, Biff rushes for the turnbuckles. Which confuses everybody, because Biff only makes it to the second rope outside before Mr Dick recovers and yanks him back in over the top. Biff is right back up though, hitting another series of punches. Again he heads for the top rope once The Cocky Prick is dazed. And again, he's dragged back in over the top before he can take flight. COACH You'd think if he could fly, he wouldn't need the top rope. COLE Well I don't think Biff is high on logic. COACH He's high on something. Gotta be. Getting frustrated with his opponent, Mr Dick aims with a clothesline, but Biff ducks. Biff then dishes out a right hand. And a left. Then another right, before dropping Mr Dick with a clothesline! Getting the crowd behind him, Biff then exits the ring again and heads to the top. COLE Biff very drawn by that top rope tonight. This time Biff makes it to the top and the crowd cheer just that, a true mark of what amounts to a success in Biff's career. Once he's on the top though, it takes Biff a second to get his balance. And before he can prove his powers of flight, Mr Dick shoves the referee out of his way and runs at Biff, using his Stiff Kick to knock Biff's foot out and CROTCH him on the top rope!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Mr Dick gets a warning from the referee about putting his hands on him, which he of course ignores. Hooking Biff up, he lifts him off the turnbuckles, carrying him to mid-ring with a delayed vertical suplex. Floats over into a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Mr Dick gets into it with the referee again and backs him into a corner, threatening all kinds of unsavoury acts. That allows Biff to fight back to his feet, the fans still shockingly behind him as he powers up. COLE Mister Dick is taking his eye off the ball here. After fully cussing out the referee, Mister Dick turns around to find Biff up and waiting, taking MD up onto his shoulders! Mister Dick manages to slip down the back though and club Biff in the back. Biff falls against the ropes and is lined up by Mister Dick, charging in with another Stiff Kick... but Biff ducks and MISTER DICK GETS CROTCHED ON THE TOP ROPE!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE And that evens things up quite nicely! COACH No it doesn't. Mister Dick has FAR more surface area to be injured in that situation! Falling off the ropes to the outside, Mr Dick hunches over in pain. Biff sees his opportunity and yet again, starts to climb the ropes. But after about halfway, he climbs back down and leaves the ring. COACH I guess he saw sense, finally. Biff walks up behind Mr Dick, grabbing him by the hair and throwing him into the announce table. The Cocky Prick is then dumped onto the table by Biff, who rolls back inside and now decides to head to the top! COLE Wait... wait a minute. What the HELL is Biff doing!? COACH I dunno but he's gonna kill himself if he tries! COLE Come on Biff, don't do this! The referee tries to talk Biff out of what is at least a ten foot leap, from about as high up. Biff makes the mistake of turning to the crowd for advice though and of course they cheer, giving Biff the impression they believe in him, when really they just wanna see something cool like somebody's body exploding like a watermelon. COLE If Biff tries this, he has offically lost his mind! COACH I'm calling late slip on that. Biff reaches the top rope and looks out at Mr Dick... way out at Mr Dick. After some second thoughts, he then stands and prepares to fly! Malaysia finally realises Biff isn't playing around and runs over into Biff's path, trying to protect her man. But Biff doesn't care and getting his footing, he sets... and LEAPS... ...AND FALLS ABOUT SIX FEET SHORT, ONLY SAVED FROM CERTAIN DOOM BY LANDING ON MALAYSIA!!!! "......BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh... well... we knew it was ill-advised. COACH Damn. I mean... I knew he was gonna miss, but... I didn't think he'd miss that bad. Picking himself up, Biff looks around wondering what happened to his powers of flight to have... not flown. And in his distracted state, he gets blindsighted by Mister Dick, who wipes him out with a clothesline from behind. Looking up into the ring, Mr Dick sees the referee counting and quickly dives in, managing to beat the count just before 9. Biff isn't so lucky and the ref calls for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match as a result of a count-out... MISTER DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Human Hard On sticks around just long enough to have his hand raised in victory, before snatching it away and going to check on Malaysia. She insists she's okay and actually seems to be enjoying what pain she might be in. But it's enough for Mister Dick to go back over and put the boots to Biff some more. COLE And now, Mister Dick's may have the win, but he doesn't seem to be done with Biff just yet. Clubbing away at Biff, Mister Dick drags him up off the ringside mats. He gives him a couple more right hands, before aiming him towards the barricades. A camera man quickly gets out of harm's way, as Biff is whipped right towards him... ...BUT BIFF MANAGES TO 'JUMP' OVER THE RAIL AND LAND SAFELY ON THE OTHER SIDE!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Hey! Biff saved himself! Mister Dick's eyes bug out and so do Biff's, his flying powers apparantly restored! The Human Hard On rushes after Biff and goes to grab him, but Biff high-tails it and runs through the crowd, proclaiming his superpowers, leaving Mister Dick freaking out at ringside!! COLE Biff Atlas with another miracle escape! I don't know if I'd go so far as to claim he has superpowers, but one thing's for sure, his luck has done a complete 180! COACH That's the keyword alright, luck! He's lucky he didn't land right on his dome trying to put Mister Dick through our table and he's lucky he can still walk because he's running away!

In footage from earlier in the today, at the rear of the arena, a sullen Leon Rodez is seen entering with Morgan Nerdly following dutily behind him. COLE The former World Heavyweight Champion is here tonight. As we heard last week, he's put the challenge out to Krista Isadora Duncan for a Lumberjack Match at Zero Hour. Will tonight be a night long recruiting mission for Leon... and who is he possibly going to find, considering all the friends he's alienated? COACH Trust me Michael, when it comes to ruining Krista, there's a lot of common ground to be walked in that backstage area. In the expensive surroundings of The Enterprise's locker room, we seem to have stumbled upon a business meeting, as Lorelei DeCenzo is in serious talks with Theodore Moneymaker. Christian Wright sits in the background, crunching the numbers. Seriously, he's doing paperwork. What else do you think he, as a wrestler, is paid to do? LORELEI If you do this, then we can get this damn problem out of our hair for good. MONEYMAKER Fine. You tell me how much you need to make this happen and it's yours. LORELEI Money no object? MONEYMAKER (chuckles) Look who you're talking to. Christian! Standing from his desk (yes, he even has a desk! Great contracts.) Christian walks over. MONEYMAKER See that Lorelei gets the cut she needs. LORELEI Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I know my way around the accounts by now. Leave it to me. I'll get what I need. MONEYMAKER Very well. Just make sure it gets done, becau... Sensing the presence of someone else in the room, the conversation stops. The three needn't be worried about someone listening to their plans. But they are surprised to see Leon Rodez, skulking in to the room. He walks up, disgust on his face and not making any attempt to hide it. And to be fair, he gets disgust right back. MONEYMAKER Well well, what do we have here? LEON Can I have a minute? Confused looks all around. MONEYMAKER Why would we want to hear anything you have to say, Rodez? Unless it's a grovelling apology for all the problems you've caused us over the years, in which case we're all ears. LEON I've got a... The words stick in Leon's throat and he stops. LEON ...business proposal. LORELEI No. You know what, before you say anything, I've got a bone to pick with you. What the hell do you think you're doing stealing away Morgan, that girl belongs with me and you've got inside her head, who the hell do you thi... Lorelei is silence by a hand from Moneymaker, who seems intrigued with this 'proposal'. MONEYMAKER Thank you Lorelei. You're free to go. Realising where her income's coming from, Lorelei reluctantly bites her tongue and leaves. Leon scowls over his shoulder waiting for her to leave, before turning back to Moneymaker and Wright. MONEYMAKER This ought to be interesting. LEON Let's get one thing straight first of all. I'm not here to grovel. Infact, I still despise the ground you two walk on and even standing so close to you is making me sick to the pit of my stomach, let alone grovelling on it. But there's somebody who sickens me even more and I know she does the same to you too. And who can blame you? Just think of all your money, all your power. You should be running this company by now, with the way this twisted world runs on greed and rewards the heartless. And yet you're not. And it's all one person's fault. (turns to Christian) Then there's you. And to think, I thought she'd robbed [i]me[/i] of my dignity and self-respect. You really are pathetic. Now appreciating that suggestion, Christian makes a move towards his old enemy, but Moneymaker sticks his arm out in front of Christian and blocks him off. LEON No need to be offended. It takes a wreck to know a wreck. Do you think one person in this arena would care if you lived or died? If it were somebody who mattered, sure, maybe a couple of them would shed a tear, before moving on with their lives and realising we don't really matter to them. But you wouldn't even get that. If she'd tied you up and thrown you off a cliff, they'd be wondering where the slide-whistle sound effect was to accompany it. Because she's turned you into a joke. You're not a wrestler. You're not even a man. You're a punchline! MONEYMAKER Is there a point to this!? LEON Aside from the fact that sometimes, bad things do happen to bad people as well? Yeah, there is a point. For everything she's robbed from you and every shred of dignity she's taken from him, she has [i]broken[/i] me. And I'm not going to rest until I've broken her. Mind. Body. And soul. Rubbing his chin, Moneymaker slowly begins to smile. MONEYMAKER Maybe you and I aren't so different after all, Rodez. LEON Oh, we are. Trust me. Except on this one thing. And that's the only reason I'm giving you so much as a second thought. Because you're an evil, rotten, black-hearted son of a bitch... and that's the kind of person I need as a lumberjack at Zero Hour. Not sure whether to be flattered or insulted, Moneymaker glances at Wright. He still seems ready to tear into Leon. But realising what a nerve has been hit, Moneymaker turns back around and shakes Leon's hand. MONEYMAKER You've got yourself a deal. As soon as the handshake is done Leon can bear no more and pulls away, one last scowl at Wright before he leaves the room. Wright is still seething, and unsure as to why Moneymaker is suddenly starting to chuckle under his breath. COLE Wow. This lumberjack match is already creating some unholy alliances.

Something. More details to follow. I'll probably doing some skits with Leon, I know that much.

COLE And right now we'd like to thank all of our great fans in Puerto Rico for coming out and joining us at AngleSlam. We had a great time in the sunny surroundings of San Juan and will be back for live arena dates in January 2009, more information on tickets available at OAOAST.com. And the OAOAST television cameras will be back in... hang on, what? Cole's shilling is brought to an end, as LEON RODEZ appears walking past the side of the ring. COLE Oh great. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Making his way over to the timekeeper's table, The Fallen Idol motions for somebody to give him a microphone. After staring down Cole and Coach and making sure he's got complete quiet, Leon stands scowling into the camera, LEON I'm sure you're all expecting me to come out here tonight and beg, plead for another shot at the OAOAST World Title. Infact that's probably what you're hoping for. To see me humbled and denigrated? "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" LEON Well you're going to have to find some other lab rat to draw your sick pleasure from. Because as it turns out, I don't need to beg. And I don't need to plead. Your World Champion has already done that for me. Seems she wants another match with me. The champion desperate to face her challenger. What a novel concept. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" Shouted down by the chants, Leon is forced to pause, looking out of the corner of his eye at the fans. LEON As someone who's spent years of his life living as a glutton for punishment, I know your pain Krista. Unfortunately, it's not the pain I want you to feel. It's not the pain you [i]deserve[/i] to feel. The pain your [i]deserve[/i] to feel was the pain you felt when I took that steel chair... Reaching out, Leon unfolds a chair, holding it up with a hand. LEON ...and I jammed the edge right into your esophagus. That was the pain of all of your words and all of your insults you've dished out over the years clogging up your throat, leaving you gasping for every last waste of breath you consume. See, Sunday night, I only got half of what I wanted. I didn't get back what you stole from me. But I gave you a taste of my pain. So if you want another match with me so bad, so badly want 'revenge', a lopsided honour system if I ever saw one. If that's what you want, you've got it. But it'll be on my terms. Leon puts the chair aside. LEON You see, all these weeks since my eyes finally opened to the world around me, I've been called a lot of things. Mainly by people who's eyes I was opened too. I've been called 'troubled'. 'Changed'. 'A loner'. Apparantly, my view on the world isn't popular. Unshared. But this? I'm FAR from the only one who feels the way I do at this moment, Krista. Sometimes, we all reap what we sow in this life. Those who are victims are so because they bring it on themselves by letting it happen. Those who are successful bring it on themselves, by stepping on people too stupid to realise they're victims. Like I used to be. And those who are hated are hated for a reason. All these years of domination, Krista. All these years of stepping on people. You've got a lot to show for it. Money. Fame. Accolades. A beautiful house... two beautiful daughters... a beautiful partner... and behind those curtains, a slew of enemies. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" LEON We all have enemies in this business. Every person in that locker room is hunting you down because you're the World Champion. But I'm not talking about that. There's so many people who simply want to see you suffer for the damage you've caused to their lives and their careers. These fans might love you. But behind those cheers, you are despised by so many. And you've brought it all on yourself. Years and years of "being Krista". That sooner or later was always going to catch up on you. Leon's eyes narrow, almost able to manage a smile. LEON Krista, I want you to think. Think of all the people you've hurt in your career. Think of all the times you've embarrassed someone. Think of all the times that you've lead all of these sick sheep in one of your little witchhunts, pitchforks in hand, laughing and goading and spitting on somebody and only stopping when you've completely broken their spirit!! Think about them! Because at Zero Hour, when you defend your World Title against me again, that ring is going to be [i]surrounded[/i] by all of those people who you've made enemies of. All those people who want to see you broken, just like I do. They're all going to be there. Because if you really want another match with me, it's going to be a Lumberjack Match. And I'm going to handpick all the lumberjacks. And I'll only chose those who have the same need and desire to watch your career and your hold over these fans DIE in front of our very eyes. Only those who hate you the most are going to be waiting for you if you step so much as a foot out of that ring. And I'll bet there's going to be a LONG queue of people lined up to be there. Because at Zero Hour, I will take your title. I will inflict my pain. And then the time will come for you to answer for all the wrongs you've commited. I don't believe in a heaven anymore... but I believe in a hell... because I'm going to drag you there and watch you burn myself! Dropping the microphone, Leon looks around at the booing crowd, before stalking off. COLE Wow. We thought we hadn't seen the last of Leon and Krista... and how right we were. But after hearing that, Krista's days as the Krista we've come to know may well be numbered.

Leon/Krista's in. No entrances, I'll try and work on them tonight, just wanted to get the important bit up there.

MATTHEWS Ladies and gentlemen, with me right now are The Heavenly Rockers... Into shot walk Logan and Synth, a very bitter looking Logan and Synth, along with their spiritual advisor Abdullah Abir Nerdly. MATTHEWS ...and I'd like to say that "the band's all here", but lately there's been a little something missing from the Heavenly Rocker equation. LOGAN YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT THERE'S SOMETHING MISSING! Logan points his finger in a nervous Josh's face, before pointing it at the camera. LOGAN Everywhere I go, my wife follows, you understand me? Everywhere I go. When I wake up in the morning, she's right there beside me. When I step in the shower, she steps in too, saves on water, keeps the planet GREEN. When I step on the tour-bus she's right there behind me with the bags like it should be! And you had to ruin it, didn'tcha? Didn'tcha!? Abdullah steps in and the ranting Logan starts to pace around in the background. ABDULLAH The OAOAST has brought great disrespect towards The Heavenly Rockers on many occasions. But now, I say, they have gone too far! We are the three time Tag Team Champions of the World! And Holly-Wood, a former Women's Champion, a fine upstanding woman of high morals. Many years she has served this company. And what respect is she shown? Shown the door, so that a thirteen year old girl may replace her? LOGAN I DON'T MESS WITH NO THIRTEEN YEAR OLD GIRLS EITHER! ABDULLAH Brother Logan, please be calm... For you see Josh, this is the devil's work! And that devil is the master tormentor herself, Krista Isadora Duncan! This is one disgrace that we shall not stand for. At AngleSlam, we shall strengthen our bargaining position and we shall do it for Holly! We may not possess the high-powered lawyers of the Duncan family, nor their quick-witted charm. But we will get Holly back, by destroying those who are responsible for that young urchin's employment, D*LUX. SYNTH You know, I hear people saying this is a battle of rock versus pop. The boyband versus the rock n' wrestling band. But this goes far beyond that now. This is a battle of good versus evil. And the good shall triumph, so sayeth the great speaker... LOGAN What are you talking about!? WE'RE THE EVIL! Logan shoves Synth, before wheeling around to the camera. LOGAN WE'RE THE EVIL D*LUX! And this Sunday, you're gonna find out what happens when you and your pre-teen groupies mess with a MACHO Macho Mann's wife! Holly-Wood will ride again. Don't Fear The Reaper... fear the Rockers! WE'RE OUTTA HEEERE! Enraged, Logan pulls off his t-shirt and throws it right in Josh's face for no apparant reason other than he's mad. Abdullah and Synth follow, a little more thoughtfully, as we go back to the arena.

Leon Rodez and The Heavenly Rockers vs. Krista Isadora Duncan and D*LUX

Yeah, sorry. I've got about three to get around to. I haven't forgotten, I'm just on a trady streak. Besides that, I don't think I've replied to Tony in months, half of which I mistakenly thought I was waiting on him. Sorry Tony!

COLE Earlier this week, I had the opportunity to sit down and talk with the number one contender to the OAOAST World Title, the Battlebowl winner, Leon Rodez. What resulted was a candid interview, from a very changed man. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [b]EARLIER THIS WEEK[/b] On a dark, cold set-up in an OAOAST studio, three chairs sit. One of Michael Cole, not looking particularly comfortable with his assignment. As opposite him sits Leon Rodez in one chair, a dark and cold look on his face to match the surroundings. And in the chair next to him, curled up protectively, is an unnervingly timid looking Morgan Nerdly. COLE Leon, thank you for taking this time to talk to us. Barely responding to the pleasantries, Leon stares back. COLE Firstly I have to ask... what is the relationship that's been developing here lately between yourself and Morgan? Leon looks over at Morgan, who shies away a little. LEON Our relationship is what it is. Yet people seem to feel it needs some kind of explanation. Morgan leans a little closer to Leon, who continues staring right ahead. LEON See I've heard all the whispers and all the accusations, about how this is just another Nerdly to add to my collection. The wits of this company. It's nothing like that. The base emotions that everybody else feels, they don't matter anymore. What this is is very simple. It's like the old saying goes, misery loves company. COLE Some people claim you're doing this to compensate in some way for the people you've alienated. LEON I didn't alienate anyone, Michael. They alienated me. People don't 'understand' why I'm not the same Leon they knew. People don't 'understand' the way Morgan feels inside. And they look at us like there's something wrong, because they're the "normal people", for whom life is bliss. Blissful ignorence. There is no bliss. Our eyes are open to what's going on. And we can't close them, no matter how much we want to. People like us need to stick together. To help each other exist. Because the world is against us. We stick together... then that's one less against to deal with. Lifting her head up, Morgan speaks very quietly and very deliberately. MORGAN Leon helps me understand myself. I've spent my life waiting. for something to make sense. What he says makes sense. LEON See, she sees life for what it truly is. Because she's lived with the same cruel fates that I have. Life has already slapped this girl down, through no fault of her own, time and time and time again. Just like it did me. Her sisters ripped out her heart, just like they did mine. She's been used and manipulated by people she trusted, just like I have. She understands me and I understand her. It's as simple as that. As Leon scowls and slumps back in his chair, Cole attempts to change the subject. COLE Let's talk about what happened last week. It was Krista taking on D*LUX in a Handicap Match, with yourself as the special guest enforcer. You seemed to be tormenting all three during the match. And then afterwards, you sickeningly attacked the World Champion. [QUOTE]"GET BACK!" she suddenly shrieks, getting a sudden 'surge' of confidence. "DON'T YOU TAKE ANOTHER STEP!!" The cracking voice tips Krista off that this girl is deadly serious and she stops, not seeing Leon Rodez sliding into the ring behind her! COLE Look out, from behind! Screams echo out of the crowd and Krista senses something is up, so turns around... *SMASH!* ...AND LEON SMASHES HER RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES WITH THE COMPACT MIRROR!!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE OH, GOD! Krista drops to the mat covering her face as Leon looms over her with a cold expression.[/QUOTE] LEON There's a double standard in this company. In this business. Any time Krista steps into a wrestling ring, she's fair game. She's been competing for years now. Humiliating, torturing people, people who let her. Robbing people of their dignity. Ruining their lives and enjoying every second of their pain and misery. Yet one bad thing happens to her, and suddenly she becomes a simple woman again. And anyone who hurts her back is an inhuman monster. That just doesn't make any sense to me. It's people like you who feed this. You're enablers for Krista, to do what she does. To make her feel like she can get away with this. So maybe you can explain, Michael. Maybe you can explain all of this. Am I supposed to feel remorse? Am I supposed to feel worried about karma, for the bad things I've done? TELL ME HOW I'M SUPPOSED TO FEEL! Because I don't know anymore. All I know is, I want to see Krista suffer. The way she makes other people suffer. The way she made me suffer. Leon turns over to Morgan. LEON It's people like Krista who made this girl's life hell. Taunting. Teasing. Humiliating. With no care for the emotional scars they're leaving. Sighing, Leon runs a hand through his hair. LEON Krista wrecks people's lives. And for that, she deserves everything she gets. If there were any justice in the world, she'd already have gotten hers long ago. But I know there isn't. That's not going to stop me though, from doing my damndest to rip out her soul and leave her a broken, emotionless ghost inside her own body if I can! To feel the way I feel. To feel the way I felt on June 2nd. At AngleSlam, I'm going to take that OAOAST World Title away from her again. And I don't care what lengths I have to go to, what lines I'm deemed to have stepped over. Krista is going to know what it feels like to die a little inside.

Lucius Soul vs. J-MAX A Leon/Morgan sitdown interview deal

Coming back from commercial, we find Lucius Soul waiting in the ring, busy combing his 'fro and checking it out at various angles on the big screen. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. In the ring, from New Orleans, Louisiana... weighing ... "THE BLACK KNIGHT", "SWEET" LLLUUUUUUCCCIIIIIIUUUUSSSSSSS... SSSSSOOOUUUUUUULLLLLLLL!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Singles action here on HeldDOWN and we're being joined by a special guest, the Queen gracing us with her presence! QUEEN EMILY Salutations! Who may I say is speaking? COLE It's... it's me. I'm sitting right next to you. QUEEN EMILY OH! I see! I'm not familiar with these auto-communication helmets you are using. As the Queen gets to grips with the futuristic headset she's been fitted with, "Witness (1 Hope)" by Roots Manuva hits. Jogging out from the back J-MAX fires up the crowd before heading to the ring. BUFFER And his opponent. From Birmingham, England... weighing one hundred and eighty one pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... J - MMMMMMAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXX!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Queen Esther, I've got to ask how you're doing after last week. QUEEN EMILY (unconvincing) I'm fine. I do not remember anything bad happening to me last week. COLE Wha...wait a minute. What about Melody pulling you off of the apron and you landing on the floor? QUEEN EMILY Sweet man, I think, perhaps, you must have dreamt that. COLE Well we've got the video right here if you're having some memory problems. [QUOTE=LAST WEEK ON HELDDOWN~!]Queen Esther feels the same thing, appealing for a kind knight to come to her man's rescue. Unfortunately, Rico and Lucius are busy on the floor with MARV and MEL, while Baron is slugging away at Danny Boy. So, left with no other option, Queen Esther climbs onto the apron (which with her ballgown is no easy feat). The referee orders the Queen to get off the apron, but gets a helping hand from Melody Nerdly, who pulls her to the floor!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" The Queen lands with a thud on her derrierre and although her ballgown gives her plenty of padding, she's AGHAST at being womanhandled.[/QUOTE] QUEEN EMILY :O Wherever did you obtain that footage young man? That is the demon footage! I specifically asked that all copies of that tape be destroyed! And now you have replayed it, so the world will once again be subjected to nasty images of their Queen being attacked by a bad person! Oh no no, you have corrupted the sweet innocent minds of your viewers! COLE Well, we try our best, every Thursday night. *DINGDINGDING!* With both men ready to go the bell sounds and they circle, Lucius still combing his 'fro. They go to lock up, which is when Lucius realises he's got a 'fro pick in his hand, so he asks for a timeout to put it safely in his pocket. COACH There's a dawg with priorities. Once he's ready Lucius walks back over, to accusations of time-wasting from the masked J-MAX. Lucius jaws back and goes to shut him up with a PIMPSLAP... but J-MAX ducks and starts firing right hands! Backing him up against the ropes, J-MAX whips Lucius to the ropes and connects with a spin wheel kick. First cover of the match... 1... 2... No! Soul backs into a corner, looking for another timeout to fix his 'fro. But he doesn't get one. J-MAX rushes and delivers a running forearm in the corner, then looks for another whip. A reversal sends J-MAX towards the corner, which is no problem, running up the ropes and then moonsaulting up and over the on-rushing Black Knight! QUEEN EMILY Heavens above! Lucius lets out a confused "da'hell!?" and turns around, right into a hurricanrana! COLE J-MAX, on fire! Once he gets going, he's so hard to stop. COACH Unless you start calling him mean names or something. That usually gets rid of him for a couple of months. Scrambling out of the ring, Lucius tries to clear his head. J-MAX lines him up and gets the crowd clapping, preparing to take flight. As he runs across the ring though, Lucius looks up and spotting J-MAX coming, he quickly slides in under the bottom rope. J-MAX just manages to save himself, vaulting over the top rope and landing on the apron. Thinking he's safe, Lucius does a fancy two-step. But when he turns around, he's taken out with a Springboard Crossbody!! 1... 2... NO! Still in full flow J-MAX comes off the ropes but gets caught with a Powerslam! COACH That sure stopped him. 1... 2... No! Swinging J-MAX around, Lucius sends him back into the ropes and lays him out with a back elbow. And with this brief pause in the action, Lucius decides to use his precious time to comb his 'fro. Of course. QUEEN ESTHER Oh, I do admire a gentleman who takes care of his appearance. Not like some of these brutes I encounter in the locker room. Tucking away his comb, Lucius covers J-MAX... 1... 2... No. Soul clubs at the back of J-MAX as he gets back up, before forcing him back into a corner. Jabs rock the masked man until the referee's count of four, at which points Lucius backs up to show "I'm cool". Lucius then dishes out a couple of kicks to the chest, before setting up an irish whip. As he approaches the corner, J-MAX gets a foot up, stopping himself with the middle turnbuckle and throwing his elbow back to catch Lucius. J-MAX then springs to the middle and leaps over Lucius, spinning in mid-air to execute a flying sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Rolling right back to his feet, Lucius is up before J-MAX can move and KICKS the seated masked man clean in the face! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE What a shot that was, right to the masked SKULL~! Cover by Lucius... 1... 2... Kickout! Lucius drags J-MAX back up and shoves him into the corner. After a few more jabs he loads J-MAX up, whipping him across the ring. J-MAX hits the other corner and Lucius is right behind him, spinning through the air looking for the Soul Brother Splash... but J-MAX sneaks out of the way! J-MAX runs right for the ropes again. But Lucius regains his breath and delivers a BICYCLE KICK, so hard that J-MAX BACKFLIPS AND FACEPLANTS INTO THE MAT!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" COLE OH MY! WHAT A KICK! QUEEN ESTHER Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Flipping the limp body of his opponent over, Lucius senses victory and hooks the leg eagerly... 1... 2... KICKOUT!! COLE No, J-MAX kicks out, after two hard kicks to the head in quick succession! How about that! COACH He might have kicked out, but he's clearly on dreamstreet, that's obvious mask or no mask. Lucius debates the count with the referee and threatens him with a Pimpslap, but wisely controls his anger. "J - MAX!" "J - MAX!" "J - MAX!" "J - MAX!" QUEEN ESTHER The people are singing! How delightful! COLE Yes, but they're singing for your man's opponent. QUEEN ESTHER My heart holds no bad feelings when people come together in song Michael. Dragging J-MAX back up, Lucius takes him up onto the shoulder, looking for the Fro 2 Sleep. J-MAX still has enough wits about him to struggle free though, squirming out of Soul's grip and landing on his feet. Lucius tries to nail J-MAX with a clothesline, which is ducked, leaving him open for a desperation enziguri! COLE And this time it's Lucius who takes the kick to the head. Both men take a few seconds to shake out the cobwebs. Lucius recovers first and grabs hold of J-MAX, by the mask. But J-MAX knocks the hands away, catching Lucius in the jaw with a jumping knee strike! Spit flies, Soul left dazed. J-MAX quickly hooks him up and delivers a standing blockbuster neckbreaker, then rolls on top... 1... 2... No! J-MAX asks for encouragement from the crowd as he gets back up. COACH What's up with these fools, cheering for a quitter, somebody who can't even show his face? QUEEN ESTHER Could he perhaps be a masked highwayman? I must hope not, I ride my stagecoach everywhere! COACH Say what? As Soul gets back up J-MAX runs at him, leaping up with a hurricanrana... but Lucius catches him and SITS DOWN!! COLE Sitout Powerbomb!! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! COLE What a great counter move from Lucius, but still not enough! Lucius quickly picks J-MAX back up and lifts him onto the shoulders. He carries him into the middle of the ring and throws him up, ready to put him 2 sleep... but J-MAX, remarkably, manages to twist around in mid-air and COUNTER WITH THE HURRICANRANA!!! COLE WOW! Rolled to his feet, Lucius walks right into a spinning wheel kick, laying him out near the corner. COLE And this might be J-MAX's cue to fly! QUEEN ESTHER Oh dear. This isn't good at all. J-MAX climbs the turnbuckles, bringing the crowd to their feet. QUEEN ESTHER Hello? Hello? Come in mister director! Please turn all of your cameras off before it's too late! Do you read me? Hello? But before Queen Esther's transmission can be dealt with, J-MAX takes flight and CRUSHES LUCIUS WITH THE 630 SPLASH!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE That's one move that doesn't deserve to be burnt from the records!! 1... 2... 3!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And after a hard-fought battle, J-MAX picks up the win! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... J - MMMMMMAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The masked high flier has his hand raised in victory, the crowd still jumping after the move they just witnessed. J-MAX climbs to the middle rope and plays to the fans as Queen Esther leaves the booth to attend to her fallen Knight. Not that she's much help, begging the referee to "do something" as Lucius simply moans in pain. COLE J-MAX, flying high in the OAOAST!

Must be Matt Youngin It?

Lol, I don't think I've wrote him in about 6 months. So, no. Obv, OAOAST World Title Krista Isadora Duncan © vs. Leon Rodez

Returning from the break, the ring is filled with men. The Queen's Men, busy psyching themselves up, while their Queen sits relaxed on the arena floor, occassionally waving to her subjects in the crowd. BUFFER The following eight man tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring, accompanied by QUEEN ESTHER! Total combined weight, eight hundred and fourty six pounds... DANNY BOY and SCOTTISH SCOTT, THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND... "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL and RICO DE JANIERO, THE MARDI GRAS HELLFIRE CLUB... they are ALL THE QUUUUEEEEEEEEEEENN'SSSS MMMEEEEEEENN!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Queen Esther covers her ears at the sudden crudeness of the fans. COLE Eight man tag team action here on HeldDOWN and I'm being joined, co-incidentally enough, by one fourth of the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions Landon Maddix. MADDIX I prefer 'leader', but thank you. COLE And I guess you're out here, scouting for future challengers. MADDIX Absolutely. These belts are prestigious belts and they deserve the best challengers possible, not least because as prestigious champions we really need some better competition. Perhaps on cue, "Thriller" by Fallout Boy hits. Red and blue lights splash across the stage as Baron Windels heads out with the hook 'em horns held high! Either side of him rush MARV and MEL, The Christ Air Express, hitting their leaping double high-five and jogging to the ring. And after gentlemanly allowing Melody Nerdly to enter ahead of him, Tim Cash excitedly fist pumps his approval to the crowd. BUFFER And their opponents! At a total combined weight of eight hundred and fifty five pounds. They are accompanied to the ring by MELODY NERDLY. First, the team of TIM CASH and BARON WINDELS, they are CITIZEN SOLDIERS... and their partners, MARV and MEL, THE CHRIST AAAIIIIIIRRR... EEEXXXPPRRREEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" MARV and MEL stand on opposite turnbuckles and fire up the crowd as they toss their jackets to the outside. Moments later Baron and Cash slide in and things threaten to break down between them and The Last Kings Of Scotland, the Scots still bitter after what happened last week. COLE MARV and MEL of course won those titles from Cucaracha Internacional, back when they were still the 6-Man Titles they started out as. MADDIX Yeah but that hardly counts. COLE So now the lineage is worthless, as well as the giant 6s on the belts? MADDIX Do you see a six on this belt? COLE No, but that's because your's is the belt with SWF etched on it... MADDIX Let's not get caught up in these semantics. Melody gets her troops together and goes over the strategy. The cameras are more focused on Queen Esther, who once she realises she's on camera says hello to the, quote, "people of television land". *DINGDINGDING* Tim Cash starts things off with Lucius Soul. Unsurprisingly, Wrestling's Last Real Good Guy tries to get things off on the right foot with a handshake. And just as unsurprisingly, Soul rejects it. Slapping Cash's hand away, he asks if Cash is "buggin'", before dishing out a PIMPSLAP!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE That's no way to treat a lady and it's no way to treat a gentleman either. Getting fired up, Cash surprises Soul with a fireman's carry takeover. Soul gets back up and is caught with a second fireman's carry. Cash then goes for a third, but instead of flipping Soul over he lifts him up and does three AIRPLANE SPIN revolutions before dumping him down! Lucius quickly rolls to his corner and tags out, while the Queen comes over all dizzy on the outside. In steps Scottish Scott, who fares no better, running right into a fireman's carry of his own. COLE The history between Citizen Soldiers and The Last Kings Of Scotland well documented, Baron and Cash getting what seemed to be the last word in that war last week. Cash controls Scott with a wristlock and tags in MEL. Coming off the top with an axehandle, MEL takes over on the arm. MEL then whips Scott off and connects with a standing dropkick. Cover... 1... 2... No! Another quick tag is made, this time to MARV. The twin brothers wait for Scottish Scott to get back up and catch him with a double inverted atomic drop. MARV hits the ropes and is launched into the air by MEL, coming down with a dropkick onto the Scotsman! Cover again... 1... 2... Kickout by Scott, who quickly gets out by tagging Rico. Rico slows things down, thoughtfully stroking his porn 'stache. COLE The Christ Air Express and Citizen Soldiers looking good in the early going, are you open to giving them a shot at your 8-man titles? MADDIX We're open to any challenge and we have been all along. I've said it a dozen times, Cucaracha Internacional, the strongest unit in the OAOAST, there's no four man team, four person team, whatever, that has the combined skills we have. Rico swaggers in and squares up to MARV. A lock-up is easily won by Rico, shoving MARV down to the mat, to applause from his team-mates. MARV tries again, but is again thrown down with ease. Rico smirks a sleazy smirk and flexes his bicep to add insult to injury. The smirk is wiped from the Brazilian's face though the moment MARV tags in Baron Windels. COLE Rico might not have such an easy time throwing around this big Texan steed. Not so confident about his biceps now, Rico is psyched up by Lucius who convinces him he's got what it takes. Baron and a hesitant Rico lock up and Rico tries to shove Baron off, but he doesn't budge. Rico tries again, same result. And tired of playing around, Baron throws Rico down on his Brazilian flag emblazoned ass! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE And Baron Windels wins the battle of the bulls! MADDIX He wouldn't be doing that to Faqu, that's for damn sure. Rico jumps back to his feet, embarrassed and runs at Baron, who scoops him up with a body slam! Lucius runs in and gets a body slam as well! Body slam on Danny Boy! And a body slam on Scottish Scott! Coming in to even the odds a little, MARV and MEL clothesline The Last Kings Of Scotland outside, while Baron throws Lucius up and over the top. Turning his attentions back to Rico, Baron hooks him down with a flying lariat and goes for the pin... 1... 2... Kickout! Climbing to the top, Baron looks for the trademark Clobberin' lariat. But Lucius suddenly springs onto the apron and pulls Baron's leg, crotching him on the top rope!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MADDIX That's what a good team needs, awareness. You've got to look out for each other. COLE Well Lucius was certainly looking out for his Mardi Gras party partner there. With Cash trying to point the rulebreaking out to the referee, Baron is pulled off of the turnbuckles and thrown into the Queen's corner. And she claps away as her men put the boots to Baron, four on one in the corner. COLE Apparantly seeing a man being quadruple teamed with kicks doesn't go against Queen Esther's idillic view of the world. MADDIX Well, that's because her team are winning. COLE ...can't argue with that logic. Once the referee turns around, Scottish Scott is back in legally and uses a four count to choke Baron with his boot before pulling him back up. Sent to the ropes, Baron is felled with a clothesline and covered... 1... 2... No! Scott traps Baron in a chinlock to prevent the tag, his partners and Melody trying to rally the crowd. COLE What do you make of the Queen and her Men, Landon? MADDIX They're looking good right now. I like the dynamic they've got going. Four guys, all pulling in the same direction to please their leader. COLE And you think you can relate to that? MADDIX Well, I wouldn't like to compare myself to the lovely Queen... for many reasons... but you get the point. As Baron fights to his feet, Scott adjusts into a front facelock and moves to his corner. Tagging himself in Lucius quickly scales to the top and drops an axehandle to Baron's exposed back. Lucius then tags Baron with a couple of right hands before attempting an irish whip. Baron reverses on the stone cold pimp and tries to lay him stone cold out with a Big Boot, but Soul ducks and catches Baron with a spinning heel kick as he turns around! 1... 2... Kickout! Finding himself in the wrong corner, Baron makes a move to get the tag... and Lucius dives at the leg, holding on long enough for Rico to lay him out from behind! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As MARV and MEL come in to complain, The Hellfire Club drag Baron away and Lucius is able to take over with a chinlock. MADDIX There you go again, looking out for your partners. COLE You sound impressed by All The Queen's Men. MADDIX I am. They're no Cucaracha Internacional, don't get me wrong, but they've got a certain j'ne pas. COLE J'ne sais quoi? MADDIX Bless you. Melody urges the crowd to make some noise and Baron's partners slap the turnbuckles, trying to get Baron back in the game. The Lone Star Gunslinger fights back up again and starts firing shots to the midsection of Lucius. The Black Knight shrugs them off, kneeing Baron in the gut. He turns and hits the ropes, but gets caught going for a crossbody and is thrown with the Devil's Addiction fallaway slam!! COLE Power from Baron! Landing near his corner, Lucius is able to reach up and tag in Danny Boy. Looking to cut off the tag he closes the distance and gets between Baron and his corner, before throwing a clothesline. But Baron ducks and MAKES THE TAG!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Tag made, in comes Tim Cash! Climbing to the top, Cash waits as Baron boots Danny Boy in the gut, before THROWING Cash off the top onto Danny Boy with a crossbody! COLE And what a way to come in! 1... 2... Kickout. Scottish Scott runs in late to make the save, making up for it by grabbing Cash and holding him for Danny Boy. COLE Uh-oh. Playing some pre-emptive air bagpipes, Danny Boy charges, but Cash gets his foot up to the chest and blocks. Cash breaks free of Scott's grip, reaching back and flipping him with a judo throw. Before giving the Scots the DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER~! Scott and Danny Boy stagger around, to find MARV and MEL up top, waiting, nailing them with STEREO MISSILE DROPKICKS FROM THE SAME TURNBUCKLE!! COLE MARV and MEL, together as one! In comes Rico, looking for a double clothesline on the CAE. They duck under and Rico runs into a dropkick from Tim. COLE The pace starting to quicken and The Queen's Men are struggling to keep up. Rico rolls to the outside and right where The Christ Air Express want him. Getting the crowd a-clapping, MARV and MEL come off the ropes... AND MARV HITS A SOMERSAULT PLANCHA... ...WHILE MEL RUNS BACK AND CATCHES LUCIUS WITH A SURPRISE SUICIDE DIVE!!!!! COLE Bodies flying at all angles! MADDIX This is great action but it's not pinning anyone or making them submit. Looking to change that, Cash trips up Danny Boy and slaps on the Texas Cloverleaf! COLE This might though, Midwest Sling! Cash nods his head, but suddenly gets hooked and DDTed by Scottish Scott! Dragging his partner over, Scott dumps him on top and gets out of the way of the pinfall, clubbing his chest proudly... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Stomping back over, Scott pulls Cash back up. He clubs him in the back frustratedly, before setting him in a standing headscissors. COLE Looking for a piledriver here, one of Scottish Scott's pet moves. MADDIX Pet move? Has he not been around long enough yet for it to be vintage? Scott struggles to get Cash up, kicking his legs to fight up. The Scot then looks up in horror, as Baron Windels flies off the top with the Flying Lariat!! MELODY IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!! QUEEN ESTHER :O Once he realises where he is, right in front of his opponent's feet, Cash reaches down and puts the Midwest Sling on Scottish Scott. COLE Submission applied again, somebody needs to get in to make a save. Queen Esther feels the same thing, appealing for a kind knight to come to her man's rescue. Unfortunately, Rico and Lucius are busy on the floor with MARV and MEL, while Baron is slugging away at Danny Boy. So, left with no other option, Queen Esther climbs onto the apron (which with her ballgown is no easy feat). COLE Wait a minute, the Queen with a royal interruption! MADDIX She must have seen a pixie or something. The referee orders the Queen to get off the apron, but gets a helping hand from Melody Nerdly, who pulls her to the floor!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" The Queen lands with a thud on her derrierre and although her ballgown gives her plenty of padding, she's AGHAST at being womanhandled. Meanwhile, in the ring, Scottish Scott can take no more and with Danny Boy held at bay, he taps out!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Two weeks in a row for Citizen Soldiers over the Scots and victory in this eight man tag team match! Cash lets go of the hold in gentlemanly fashion and congratulates Baron, as Danny Boy lays despairingly on the mat. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match, the team of THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS and CITIZEN SOLDIERS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Melody and her twin brothers all slide in to join in the celebrations, all rather amused as the poor Queen is comforted by her Knights, still sat on the arena floor. COLE So could we have found the next challengers for the World 8-Man Titles, in Citizen Soldiers and The Christ Air Express? They've taken care of their personal business, maybe now they'll be setting their focus on championship gold Landon. MADDIX Well, good luck to them then. Because I saw more than enough tonight to feel very confident. These four showed some signs of speed, some signs of power, a little technical wrestling. Great. Cucaracha Internacional, we've got all that and then some. And math be damned, these two sets of two do not equal our four, guaranteed. COLE Well we may find out some time in the near future. Landon leaves the commentary table, having seen what he needed to see. The celebration continues without him as Melody's team climb the turnbuckles and salute the Memphis crowd.

Backstage we go, finding ourselves in the presence of a real odd couple in the cafeteria. Landon Maddix, wearing his SWF belt masquarading as an OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Title belt, is eating some chocolate pudding. Why? Well, he's in the cafeteria and pudding is good. He's also listening intently, to Queen Esther, looking completely out of place in her flowing regal dress. LANDON You know, I can't say as I ever have seen a pixie before. But you make a compelling arguement. ESTHER Oh, you do see the most wonderful things whilst laying amongst the tall meadow grass on a starlit night. LANDON (finishing up his pudding) I'll bet. ESTHER I just love the tranquility. Being amongst all of this hustle and bustle of arenas and public places can get me all of a fluster sometimes, it really can. There are bad people here, too. There's so much good in the untouched world. But here... oh my. Sometimes I weep at what crude sights befall me here. LANDON Well... try to hold it together for now, huh? Landon casually flicks the pudding pot away in the direction of the trash can. It bounces short, which attracts the attention of Jumbo as he passes by the in the background. But after sniffing at the empty pot, he grunts and chucks it away. LANDON Anyway, I've got to get going. Tell Peter Pan I said hi when you see him. ESTHER Oh, I shall! And our arrangement? LANDON Not a problem. Your guys... Esther's brow furrows. LANDON ...sorry, your "gentlemen" win tonight and we'll give you a shot at the titles. ESTHER Oh, great joy! You really are a true prince! Your kindness will not go unrewarded! Leaning forward, Esther plants an air kiss on either of Landon's cheeks before scuttling off gleefully. The camera pans away from Landon, to Megan Skye and Nathaniel Black, who had been watching this a few feet away. BLACK Wonder wot it's like livin' in Dreamland yer'ole life... MEGAN I wouldn't know, he's never told me.

Any chance you can change it to someone other than Rico, or just leave it till next week. I've got CAE and Citizen Soldiers versus All The Queen's Men thrown together.

Handicap Match Krista Isadora Duncan vs. D*LUX Special Guest Enforcer: Leon Rodez I'll hopefully have something else, but not sure what.

Worried looks backstage, as we find Jade and Maya, the Duncan girls, in a communal area of the arena with D*LUX. The boybanders stand around as if they're waiting for bad news. Except they've already had the bad news and it's only just sinking in. It's sunk in for Jade and Maya though, sat on a production case with glum looks. Until suddenly, Tyler claps his hands and gets everybody's attention. TYLER Come on guys. SHAYNE Huh? TYLER Look, I don't want to do this. But we've got no choice. And if we're gonna have to do this, let's do it right. It's two on one this time. We can win! A cold, awkward silence fills the air. JADE No. There's got to be some way out of it. Suddenly, Maya springs to her feet and sides with D*LUX. Literally. MAYA Maybe Tyler's right. Sooner or later, they had to do something like this. You fall off a horse, you get back on it. Granted, this is a little soon and it's going to be more like remounting a moving horse that's still pissed you were riding it in the first place. But damnit we're humans and we are above horses in the food chain! JADE Or... maybe we could... just ask Mom to take it easy on them or something? MAYA Oh, okay, great idea sis! You want to ask her to take pity on someone in competition for the first time in her life or should I? JADE Well there's no need to be sarcastic. Standing up, Jade gets an idea. JADE You know what, maybe there is something we can do. Jade marches off and unsure of what she meant, D*LUX and Maya follow after her, trying to keep up. Off in the distance, Jade has spotted the bad of her uncle's head. And stomping up behind Leon, she folds her arms as Leon turns around. JADE What the hell is your problem? Getting Josie to make a match between Krista and Tyler and Shayne and you're the 'special enforcer', is this some kind of plan, setting Mom up, setting us all up? Huh? Haven't you done enough lately? Leon takes a step past Jade, revealing that he had been in mid-conversation with Morgan Nerdly. Once Jade spots her glaring eyes, she doesn't seem quite so confrontational. Leon stands in front of Shayne and Tyler, looking at them with contempt. LEON I'd have thought you'd be happy. Look at you two. You used to be someone. You're naive and you're soft, living off of fickle people who don't give a damn whether you live or die so long as they get what they want out of you. But even, then you used to mean something. And now what? You've got two teenage girls fighting your battles for you. And Krista's got whatever balls you had on her trophy case. And I get you a shot... a shot at the person who humiliated you in front of the world and ripped away any shred of dignity you had, two on one, to save a little bit of face and what? You're scared? Scared of what she might do to you? Scared you might [i]upset[/i] people!? MAYA What do you care anyway? LEON Pipe down. SHAYNE Hey man, listen... LEON No, YOU listen! She did the same thing to you two that she did to me. And the fact that you can just move on with your lives and not give it a second thought, pretending everything's right in the world makes me SICK to have ever been associated with you two. Leon motions to Morgan goes to walk away, but Tyler blocks his path, with similar disgust on his face looking at his former friend. TYLER What the hell happened to you man? LEON Shit happened. I figured you'd understand. But I guess not. Maybe after tonight, you'll stop listening to these kids, open your eyes and grow up. When you do, let me know. Until then, get the hell out of my sight. Grabbing Morgan's wrist, Leon brushes past Tyler and walks off, D*LUX and their manageresses no better off for their confrontation.

Kamala, I toast you with my heartiest wine.

*unzips pants* *GIVES BRODY ATTENTION*

My stuff's all in too.