King Cucaracha

OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents... #~~THE LOVE SHACK~~# As we return from the longest commercial break in the history of the universe (long enuff to show that 30 min extense informeciall i be beatin dat meat to at 3 am), the ring has metamorphosised into the set of the always popular Love Shack! Stood in the middle of the ring is Leon Rodez, microphone in hand, rocking the brand-new Lone Star Gunslingers t-shirt (designed by a certain Melody Nerdly, although I'm sure that's of no significance) to it's very core under a more formal jacket. Behind Leon sit two stools, each with a microphone on top. Leon of course has his own desk, like any good talk-show host, littered with general crap. LEON Welcome, Fresno California, to The Love Shack! "YYYAAAAAAAAAYYYY!" LEON Now, this is the part of the show usually where I make a few smart alec quips, I tell a few jokes, maybe poke fun at some of those in the OAOAST less fortunate than myself. At least that's how I remember it. I don't do this much any more. But, tonight is a special occassion. Tonight, we're just three days away from the biggest show of the year, AngleMania VII. Tonight is most definately serious business! Leon pulls a tie from his back pocket and quickly puts it around his neck. LEON Yes, for those of you who've been living under a rock for the past three months, give or take, AngleMania is right around the corner. Featuring some of the most talked about matches in recent OAOAST memory. Big matches. Grudge matches. Title matches. It's all there. And I'll be there in LA as well, as of this week, looking to win back the vacant OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Championships as The Love Generation take on Internationally Known. COLE Big announcement right there. LEON That's not why I'm out here tonight though. Tonight I'm on journalistic duty, about to talk to two men on a collision course in three days time. Two of the biggest stars in the OAOAST today, who will meet for the first time in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, in pursuit of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. It's a friendly rivalry gone bad... but, hey, we're all friends here in The Love Shack. Which is why we're gonna let them clear the air, one last time face to face before AngleMania. So with that in mind, allow me to introduce my first guest tonight. He is the former three-time OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the woooooorrrrrrld... and, just as importantly, my former World Tag Team Champion partner... give it way up for ZACK MMMAAAALLIIIBBUUUUUUU!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The fans come unglued as "Getting Away With Murder" powers through the arena and The Franchise marches out to the ring. COLE The man who, one could argue, deserves the name Mr. AngleMania more than any other! Zack Malibu is heading into his sixth straight AngleMania, looking to avenge his defeat in last year's main-event to Drek Stone and propel himself back into World Title contention. COACH Well, that may be his intention, but he'd better forget about title belts and concentrate on the guy who's face he superkicked three weeks ago. COLE Especially considering that 'guy' happens to be six foot seven, two hundred eighty five pounds. Zack climbs into the ring and shakes the hand of his old friend, acknowledging the crowd with a wave of the hand. Zack then picks up his microphone, taking a seat on Leon's invitation. LEON Zack, Zack, good to have you back on The Shack my friend. Now, we're gonna bring out your AngleMania opponent in just a second, but first I'd like to take a moment to talk to you, man to man. Usual Suspect to Usual Suspect, if you like. Now, anybody with any knowledge of OAOAST history knows that we go back some way. Not just as tag team partners, but as rivals. You've been around the OAOAST from virtually day one, so far be it from me to question anything you do and suggest that you... made a mistake. But, I've got to take it back to three weeks ago, on this very show, when you did this to Bohemoth. Roll VT! As we come back from the video, interestingly some of the crowd in Fresno are booing, amongst the cheers. Zack glances over his shoulder at one of the more vocal sections but doesn't seem overly bothered by it. LEON Now, as I say you've been a part of the OAOAST a lot longer than yours truly, so if anyone knows what they're doing by now it'd be you Zack. But... and, this is just me personally... if I had a guy the size of Bohemoth on my back, the last thing I'd want to do is superkick him in the face out of nowhere when he wasn't looking. Maybe playing with fire just a teensie bit? I've gotta ask, what were you thinking on that one? ZACK Leon, it's pretty simple really. Me and Bohemoth, for about four months now, we've been in our own little human chess game. This supposed friendly rivalry. One of us would get the advantage one week, then the other would retaliate, so on and so on. And two weeks beforehand, lets not forget, I had Stephen Joseph Popick this close from a School's Out and a one, two, three. But Bohemoth one was move ahead that week. He came out and he caused me to get disqualified by Spinebustering Popick damn near through the ring. He one-upped me. Simple as that. So, all the superkick was was an evening of the balance. I'm sure some of these people out here tonight in Fresno might disagree with that and say it was a cheapshot... Up goes a noise of a pretty mixed nature. ZACK ...but, at the same time, I'm sure some people will say the same thing about Bohemoth getting me DQed. The one thing EVERYBODY can agree on though is that's all in the past. We're three days away from finally getting face to face in the middle of this ring in front of some ninety-odd thousand people. And we will go in even. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Maybe a little ahead of schedule, out heads the other half of the AngleMania equation, Bohemoth, to another roaring reaction. Zack stands up from his stool and stays on his guard as Bohemoth steps into the ring. In a crisp black suit and orange tinted sunglasses, Bohemoth doesn't look like he's come to fight though. A tense look between the two is enough for now, as Bohemoth takes up his spot next to Zack. LEON Okay, well... ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for my other guest BOHEMOTH! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE This could explode at any moment here. LEON So, uh... I'm guessing you've got your thoughts on what Zack just said Bohemoth, so go ahead. Are we really going into AngleMania at a stalemate? "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" Held off from talking just for the moment, Bo looks at into the crowd as they chant his name. Zack's supporters try to counter with "ZACK!" chants and the noise merges into one. BOHEMOTH You know Leon, the way I see it is maybe I had that kick coming after all. Zack made the point, I came out and I got him DQed, cost him a victory over Popick a couple of weeks prior. So, he kicked me. That's fine. It's gonna take a lot more than one kick to change my outlook on life and believe me when I tell ya, that me and this man next to me are gonna do that and a whole hell of a lot more besides in three days in Los Angeles! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" BOHEMOTH But as far as me and Zack being 'even' goes... I dunno if I buy all of that. (turns to Zack) You and I both know that was no spur of the moment kick. You knew exactly what you were doing when you came down, evened up the odds in my favour with Rico and Soul, then turned around and superkicked me. You were sending a message. It's just another mind-game between you and me. See, you're saying you just wanted to 'even the odds'. You're way more calculating than that Malibu. What I'm thinking is, that the School's Out might have been your attempt to 'make things personal'. ZACK This again? LEON Well, it's been said... ZACK That I'm at my best when I've got a passion boiling inside of me, right? (turns to Bo) I've got a passion alright. This isn't something that's been boiling over a few months, something that's been boiling since AnglePalooza, or November Reign, or however long we've known each other. This passion has been boiling since June 28th, since I had the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title stolen from me by Landon Maddix! The fans seem to agree and cheer on Zack. ZACK When AngleMania rolls around, it'll have been nine months since I last held the OAOAST World Title. Nine long months. For the past four of those months, I've been so distracted with you, I haven't been able to get another shot. So yeah, I've got a passion Bohemoth. And beating you takes me one step closer to fulfilling it. So you'd better believe I'm gonna do whatever it takes to be... BOHEMOTH You think I don't feel the same!? Huh!? I've never even gotten the CHANCE to be OAOAST World Champion once, let alone for a fourth time! That's not what I'm talking about here Malibu, what I'm talking about is HATE. You don't HATE me... maybe you used to, way back when, but not like Blank. Not like Drek. Not like Crystal, or Popick, or The GPX. ZACK Maybe I don't, but... BOHEMOTH You thrive on hatred Zack and everybody knows it! Some people get distracted by it, some people get consumed by it and some people use it to go to that next level. And you've been doing that for so long now... maybe you're not so sure, up against someone who's gonna know how to keep their cool, like me. Maybe you're even a little afrai... ZACK AFRAID!? Zack stands bolt upright and a buzz goes up through the arena. But Bohemoth doesn't rise to it and stays seated with the same ice-cool expression on his face. ZACK AFRAID, huh!? Lemme fill you in, 'bigman'. I've seen it all and I've done it all in the OAOAST! I've been World Champion. I've main-evented Pay Per Views... I've main-evented AngleManias! Cage matches, Ladder matches, Last Man Standing matches, Survive Or Surrender, War Games, Elimination Chambers... I've been through the biggest and the baddest and the best this company has EVER had. I have NOTHING to be AFRAID of! "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" COLE This crowd are feeling the tension here. Can you imagine what's it going to be like in three nights at AngleMania? ZACK And contrary to popular belief, it makes no difference if I 'hate' or whether I don't. I don't have to 'hate' to succeed. That's not all I'm about. You think I'm somehow 'afraid' of competing against someone I respect, instead of someone I despise? How about you ask Leon here, the most level-headed guy in the company, how he fared last time we wrestled? "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Wondering what he did to earn that reference, Leon raises an eyebrow behind his desk. ZACK The fact is, I've proven time and time again how tough I can be and how ruthless I can be. AngleMania VII, I can prove it all over again. Or, I can prove just how great of a WRESTLER I can be! It really doesn't bother me, either way it's gonna end up with the same conclusion, with you flat on your back courtesy of School's Out!! Suddenly, Bohemoth stands up and Leon starts to panic that things are gonna break down. The crowd meanwhile are itching for just that to happen. COLE Uh-oh. We're about to see AngleMania come early it looks like! Bohemoth pulls off his orange-tinted sunglasses, setting them down on the stool behind him. BOHEMOTH Are you trying to get a rise out of me, Malibu? ZACK What if I am? Huh!? What if I am!? BOHEMOTH You know I could lay you out right here right now with one punch... "YYYEEEEAAAA - BOOOOOOOOOOO - AAHHHHHHHH!" BOHEMOTH ...but I'm not gonna do that... yet. Bohemoth extends his hand, which certainly takes Zack back a bit. Curiously he eyes The Meterosexual Monster, unsure of whether to trust him or not. And tentatively he reaches out... and SHAKES... and as soon as they lock hands, Zack and Bohemoth pull each other in chest to chest!! Bohemoth stares down at Zack who despite having to look up at the 6'7" Bo doesn't back down an inch. ZACK Bo... get ready for the toughest night of your life. Pulling away from the handshake Zack exits the ring and backs up the aisle with eyes still locked on Bohemoth's. Casually picking up his shades, Bohemoth sticks them back on his head and nods to himself as he watches his AngleMania opponent on his way. COLE The talking is officially over. Bohemoth. Zack Malibu. In three nights, at AngleMania VII!! *COMMERCIAL BREAK*

Neat, that's given me time to do the research I should have done for a Cortez/Landon retrospecticus... is that a real word? Anyway, whatever, it's coming. EDIT: Right, my stuff's in.

Zack Malibu and Bohemoth in The Love Shack But I'm gonna need to edit it in tommorrow

There's now at least four people in the fed who know what CHIKARA is. I feel so happy.

COLE Last week we were scheduled to see The Love Doctors in action against The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, but unfortunately, circumstances beyond our control lead to that match being postponed. During HeldDOWN~! last week, one of our wrestlers Biff Atlas had an unfortunate accident, tripping over a television cable and knocking himself temporarily unconscious. Luckily Windy City's finest, Dr. Anderson and Dr. Pigley, were on hand to tend to Atlas and thankfully he was released from a local Denver hospital on Friday evening after undergoing routine brain-scans. So The Docs missed out on their match last week, but they'll get their shot here tonight in Fresno instead. With that said, let's go to the ring. [COLOR=red]*WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!*[/COLOR] "Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you" The sirens sound off as The Love Doctors bound out onto the stage, answering the emergency call of OAOAST officials who realised most guys on the AngleMania card aren't going to be wrestling tonight! The Docs whip the females of Fresno into a frenzy as they pull off their lab-coats before heading to the ring. Dr. Pigley isn't the object of as much desire however, as he covers his heart winning abs with a t-shirt plugging his new radio show, The Love Line. BUFFER The following tag team contest is set for one fall. On the way to the ring, from Chicago, Illinois... at a total combined weight of four hundred and thirty six pounds... DR. MAX ANDERSON and DR. STEVEN PIGLEY... THE LLLOOOOOOOOOVVEEEEEE DDOOOOOOOOOCCTTOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE All of our great fans in the Chicago area, you can catch Dr. Pigley on your local radio, as he provides the cure for your relationship issues. That's The Love Line, every Wednesday at 7! COACH You are such a shill. COLE Nothing wrong with giving one of our great OAOAST superstars a mention now and then for their work outside the ring. Besides, I'm just reading what's in front of me. I've no stake in it. COACH That's why you've been wearing the same t-shirt as Pigley all night? Inopportunely, Pigley chooses this moment to point out the shirt and give Cole a thumbs up. Cue much stammering, while the soothing sounds of "Easy Lover" begin to play out through the arena. Out through the entrance swaggers Rico de Janeiro with Lucius Soul trailing behind, fluffing up his 'fro with real determination. "Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees" BUFFER And the opponents. Total combined weight, four hundred and thirteen pounds. The team of RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL... THE MAAARRRRRRDDIIIIIIII GGRRRRRAAAAAAAASSSSSSS HHOOOOOOMMMEEEWRECKING CCRRRREEEEEEWWWWWWWW-!!! Lucius slides into the ring, squaring up with The Docs. Lagging behind, Rico takes a moment to pick out a couple of female fans and shows off his trademark porn 'stache. COLE These two teams met in the first round of this year's Anderson Cup where The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew eeked out the victory. So The Docs will be out for some revenge in this one. COACH Well Rico and Lucius, they've got something to prove as well. I heard somebody earlier, they had the nerve to say that win was an upset. An [i]upset[/i]. Against The Love Doctors! *DINGDINGDING!* With Rico still attempting to the woo the ladies, that leaves Lucius to kick it off with Dr. Pigley. Lucius talks some smack by way of an introduction, which goads Pigley into booting him in the gut! Pigley then unloads with some forearms before whipping Lucius off the ropes, scooping him up on the rebound and jarring him with an inverted atomic drop. Sneaking into the ring, Anderson then follows up with the dropkick to the face! COLE Lovematic Grampa, right off the bat! COACH One in, one out. This isn't a radio show, no co-anchors. COLE *sighs* If only... The Docs quickly scoop Lucius back up again, delivering chops from either side. They then shoot him off the ropes, putting him up and down with a Double Flapjack! Cover by Pigley, as Anderson retreats from the 5 count... 1... 2... No! Reacting late to his partner's troubles, Rico finally takes his eyes off the ladies and runs into the ring. The Love Doctors duck a double clothesline however and as he turns around, Pigley finally gets a free second and pulls off his t-shirt. [i]"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"[/i] COACH Woah, did this table just shift? COLE :unsure: Grinning under his greasy moustache, Rico looks down at the Mardi Gras beads in his hand and tosses them to Pigley. After all, them's the rules. As Rico disturbingly strokes at the porn 'stache and Pigley wonders what the hell's going on, Dr. Anderson thankfully puts him down with a Lariat. COLE Further questions raised on this edition of HeldDOWN~! Out of the ring rolls Rico, leaving referee Brian Hebner to put Dr. Anderson out. But that distraction allows Lucius to get a quick cheapshot in behind the back, catching Pigley in the throat with a shot as he tries to pull him up. Pigley drops the beads and Lucius snatches them up, wrapping them around the throat and consealing the choke with his arm! By the time the referee turns around, all he sees is a harmless chinlock, unaware of the beads around the windpipe underneath! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Come on referee, get in there! Look at Pigley struggling for breath, it's obvious that's no regular chinlock! Pigley sinks down in the chinlock, the referee still unaware of the secret behind the chinlock's potency. And after a little distraction from Rico, Lucius manages to get the beads off the throat and out of the ring, making a cover on the lifeless Love Doctor... 1... 2... NO! Lucius tags out to Rico, who's able to measure a still breathless Pigley. A hard boot to the head keeps Pigley off the canvas. Rico then backs to the ropes, dropping the Porno 'Stache Legdrop and stroking the facial hair down all through the count... 1... 2... No! In comes Lucius to protest the count... allowing Rico to unravel his green wristtape and choke Pigley with it! Dr. Anderson tries to come in and help his partner, but is cut off by Hebner thanks to good timing on Soul's part. COLE And now again with the choke! This is ridiculous! COACH All I know is, every wannabee DJ in the Chicago land area is beaming right about now. Much more damage to the throat and I smell a relationship expert vacancy in tommorrow's job section. As Anderson is put to the outside, Rico quickly stashes the tape in his tights and waits for Hebner to turn around, before covering Pigley again... 1... 2... Kickout! Dragging Pigley into the wrong part of town, Rico tags Lucius back in. Hooking up the legs, Rico then waits for his partner to get into position, before falling backwards and slingshotting Pigley towards him... right into a Bicycle Kick!! Rico dusts his hands with satisfaction, while Lucius hooks a leg... 1... 2... SAVE BY ANDERSON! COACH Who even listens to the radio nowadays anyway? COLE Is now really the time to discuss that? As Anderson is again put out, Rico and Lucius try to take advantage by double-teaming Pigley. Sending him into the corner with a double whip, Rico then charges in with a clothesline, followed up by Lucius who throws a Yakuza Kick... but Pigley MOVES! Luckily for Lucius his foot hits the top turnbuckle pad and he's quickly back with Rico trying to cut Pigley off with a double clothesline. Tumbling underneath though, Pigley exits the ring on the aisle side. Lucius follows out after him, but Pigley slides right back in, scurrying through Rico's legs and MAKING THE TAG! COLE Here comes Dr. Anderson! COACH Insert lame pager joke here. Anderson comes in swinging, dropping Rico and Lucius with right hands, stopping only to fire up the Fresno crowd behind him. An irish whip sends Rico off the ropes, Anderson ducking his head looking for a backdrop. Rico puts on the brakes and lands with a kick. But as he then hits the ropes, Anderson follows a step behind and cracks him with an elbow right as he bounces off them! Lucius then runs into a right hand, Anderson continuing to take the fight to him... ...while, to the confusion of everyone, BIFF ATLAS can be seen walking around the ring. COLE What the hell is this? As the action continues in the ring, Biff rounds the ring, holding in his hand a bunch of [b]cable-ties[/b]. He sternly tells Michael Buffer to 'step aside' before rummaging under the timekeeper's table, attaching his cable-ties to the cords lying around ringside. Biff then heads over to Sofa Central and starts rummaging under the announce table, turfing Cole and Coach out of their seats in the process. COLE Wha... what the hell are you doing!? BIFF Things have gotta be safer around here. Look at all these wires, this is an accident waiting to happen, I... COLE We're trying to call a match here for crying out loud. COACH Speak for yourself. BIFF Look, don't mind me, I'm just trying to make a better working environment out here. COLE Uh... in the ring, Anderson with a side headlock, shot off the ropes... Anderson underneath, look out here... HEY! Cole's monitor abruptly goes black, just as Anderson completes his headscissors takeover in the ring, sending Lucius spilling to the floor. Rico then tries to jump Anderson from behind, but finds himself backdropped up and over the top. COLE Would you get out of here already!! BIFF Not until the area has been made safe. You'll thank me when you're not laid up at home in a neckbrace... and you really need beverage holders for those coffee cups, one slip of the hand and... COLE Do you realise how many hundreds of shows we've done without tripping over these wires!? BIFF That's a pretty careless attitude to have Michael Cole. I mean, look at this table, it's set all wrong... here, lemme just... Cole and Coach are not the only ones distracted by all this commotion and they make that point, as Biff steps around the front of the announce table, trying to straighten it up. Meanwhile, in the ring, Dr. Anderson is on the move. Hitting the ropes, he launches himself through the top and middle AND WIPES OUT LUCIUS, RICO AND BIFF WITH ONE FAIR TOPÉ CON HÍLO!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH AH! COLE What!? COACH Biff was right, there's coffee everywhere! COLE Oh just get a towel or something. Jesus. Anderson quickly throws Lucius back inside, following him in and looking for an irish whip. With a twist of the hips Lucius manages to spin out in front, lifting Anderson up onto the shoulders for the Fro 2 Sleep... NO! Anderson slides down the back and shoves Lucius in the back. Rebounding off the ropes, Lucius ducks underneath and clothesline and comes roaring back... but he gets caught and PLANTED with the Anderson Spinebuster!! COLE Double A style, right in the centre of the ring! 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* Back in slides Pigley and The Love Doctors embrace in celebration, as on the outside Rico looks up from the floor and holds his head in his hands. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... THE LLOOOOOOOVVEEEE DDOOOOOCCTTOOOOORRRRSSSSSS!!! COLE A big win for The Docs here on HeldDOWN~!... and thankfully, Biff Atlas's general haplessness didn't prevent them from getting the victory for a second week in a row. COACH Hey, the guy was just trying to do as a favour. COLE Coach, he cable-tied your shoelace to our monitor cable. As Coach looks down and ponders how he's going to get out of this one, Biff pulls himself up. Holding his head he looks into the ring and glares at The Love Doctors' celebration, marching off towards the back, making extra sure he doesn't trip or slip on any upturned parts of the ringside mats on his way.

The ECW Title is still a world title!? In who's eyes?

I think the only possible rational I can think of for that happening would be if they finally signed Mistico. The division itself was generally neglected unless they had someone they wanted to build it around and Mistico's the only person I could think of that would warrant that treatment.

This week meaning next week, the 10th. Not the 3rd, which'd be this week... although, that's actually next week, but... look, you figure it out.

Yessir I did, all fine and dandy.

I can't believe Angle-whatsis never made it as a legit PPV name in the old days. If Living Anglelously made it... Hey, PFL, I might just take you up on that offer next week, so expect a PM.

Scorpio. And actually, ya know, do something with him this time. Or maybe Albert/Bernard, although there's already plenty of bigmen getting screen time at the moment.

Brought to you by American Express Taped: N/A First air date: March 8th, 2007 (check local listings for airings in your area) Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan Junior correspondent: Josh Matthews With AngleMania VII just days away, Syndicated changed tact to bring us a special AngleMania Preview edition of everybody's favourite syndicated network show. Josh Matthews and Tony Brannigan were in a TV studio in OAOAST Head Offices to precide over a nostalgic look back over 6 years of AngleMania and at the same time look forward to the seventh installment. (And, right off the bat, anyone who's thinking 'cop out' right now at the prospect of not seeing Los Diablos and Biff Atlas in action is a fucking moron. I don't usually speak that true, but, seriously, guys is lame.) Anyway, Stephen Joseph Popick defends the OAOAST World Championship at AngleMania VII versus his former protége, Tha Puerto Rican. But, amazingly, Popick has only competed at AngleMania once before, way back at AngleMania II. His opponent that night was Alfdogg, who challenges for a fourth Heartland Championship reign against Sandman9000. Here's a reminder of the old days... ~ANGLEMANIA II~ #1 CONTENDER'S MATCH ***Big Poppa Popick -VS- Alfdogg*** The two most successful (male) tag teams in the OAOAST are clearly The Heavenly Rockers and The Beverly Hills Blonds. And while The BHB are in 8-Man Tag action this year, The Heavenly Rockers are once again World Tag Team Champions and will defend against Team Heyross in Los Angeles. Back at AngleMania V, they were the challengers. And The Heavenly Rockers proved then as always why they are the most successful tag team in AngleMania history... ~ANGLEMANIA V~ OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS ***The Heavenly Rockers -VS- The New New Midnight Express*** Anglemania hype video time! This one featured Krista Isadora Duncan discussing bits of her life living in the city of angels. Krista was born to a democratic congressman, and a mother who's neuroses and foibles could give “Woody Allen material for centuries”. Her mother had done some work as a showgirl in Vegas when she was younger, so naturally she pushed her eldest daughter, Krista, to follow the same path. Thus Krista was entered in beauty pageants from the age of five to eighteen. She also showed some serious skill in surfing and won several state and national competitions. All this success created a bit of ego with Krista (amazing, I know!), and if you hung around her you were basically part of the “Krista Show”. You had to behave like there was a celebrity in your midst, and you were just a replaceable part of the entourage. Krista believes she had a fairly happy childhood, aside from the usual neurotic self destructive behavior that plagues any well adjusted Jewish household. She said having Jade was absolutley her best childhood memory of Los Angeles, though giving her up was painfully difficult. Her oddest memory came in twelfth grade when her uncle, who worked as a state attorney in Sacramento, got caught up with a sixty eight yr old transsexual hooker. Though her dad was worried about his own political career, her grandmother was nonplused simply saying “at least he wasn't screwing a Jap.” As Krista notes it happens to all great political leaders, Churchill, Roosevelt, Kennedy, all “too silly to look for that willy”. “One day your screwing a chick with a dick, the next your niece is on a tag team called chicks over dicks.” Speaking of chicks over dicks, Krista said her coming out did not go over terribly well with the family. Her mother was expecting some nice Jewish doctor for an in law “to provide discounts on Valium, probably”, and now she'd “be stuck with some Holistic hampster doctor with dreadlocks and shaggy pits.” Her grandmother was again nonplused, commenting that “at least she wasn't dating a Negro.” Krista said she tried to cover up her sapphic leanings by dating Ned Blanchard. Ned had been a friend of her brother Nick's, and was so unbelievably ignorant, self centered, misogynistic, and empty headed, “that only a straight woman would be dumb enough date him.” Ned did provide some laughs for Krista such as his lamentable foray into stand up comedy. His ill chosen debut jokes on the difference between Martian women and plutonian woman was not only an astronomical inaccuracy it also drew the ire of a heckler in a wheel chair. As any right thinking man would do, Ned dived into the audience and beat the life out of the wheelchair bound cretin. On the way home, Ned defended his actions saying “His chin wasn't in a wheelchair, he should've bobbed and weaved!” Ned did give Krista the gift of Maya, which she is eternally thankful for and owes him a world of gratitude. Even if she does bash him in the face with a lacrosse stick on television every couple of months. Krista said she got her start in the OAOAST in 2004, when her agent came to her and said she had a choice between an easy gig on some wrestling show, or a leading role in a Clint Eastwood movie about a hardened boxing trainer who works with a determined woman in her attempt to establish herself as a boxer. Krista didn't feel the Eastwood film had any potential for success and took the OAOAST job. Oops! Though, the OAOAST job proved beneficial as her best friend and eldest daughter both worked there. She expects to get cheered louder then anyone at Anglemania in Los Angeles, because “no one else has their name on one of the sidewalks!” At AngleMania VII, Krista and Alix wrestle one on one for the first time. In stark contrast to last year, when they were on top of the world as Tag Team Champions, defeating Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker (who'll be in 8-Man Tag action btw.) Neither have been defeated at AngleMania... or, like, ever. But mainly at AngleMania. That'll change at AM VII, but lets look back at happier times and reminise before then, huh? ~ANGLEMANIA VI~ OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS ***Chicks Over Dicks -VS- Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright*** So, hey, how about this year? OAOAST ANGLEMANIA VII ~OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship~ Stephen Joseph Popick © -vs- Tha Puerto Rican ~First Time Ever!~ Krista Isadora Duncan -vs- Alix Maria Spezia ~One On One Grudge Match~ Zack Malibu -vs- Bohemoth ~OAOAST Heartland Championship~ Sandman9000 © -vs- Alfdogg ~One On One Grudge Match~ Todd Cortez -vs- Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ~OAOAST One And Only World Tag Team Championships~ The Heavenly Rockers © -vs- Team Heyross ~Stairway To Oblivion II~ James "Lunar Pheonix" Cone -vs- Jester ~Eight Man Tag Team Match~ The Enterprise -vs- The Lone Star Gunslingers and The Christ Air Express ~Four On Two Handicap Match~ Reject and Thunderkid -vs- The Burrough Boys AND MORE... #~OAOAST presents ANGLEMANIA VII~# 8 DAYS TO GO!! (as of original airdate) But wait, we couldn't leave without looking at Zack Malibu, could we. A near flawless AngleMania record, sans last year of course, Zack has seen action in the last 5 AngleManias. This year it'll be a first time opponent in Bohemoth in a battle built out of mutual respect and friendly rivalry gone wrong. Bohemoth will be right up against it with Zack though. And in the interests of getting something a little different and a little more current on, here's Three For The Money from AngleMania V to show how tough beating Zack will prove to be at the grandest stage... ~ANGLEMANIA V~ THREE FOR THE MONEY MATCH ***Zack Malibu -VS- Scotty Static -VS- Johnny Jackson -VS- Jamie O'Hara -VS- Faqu -VS- James Blonde*** And that was that... ...ALMOST! Josh and T-Bod were interrupted midway through signing off by none other than "THE DISCO DUCK" VINNY VALENTINE!! Furious at not getting a paycheck this week and equally furious at not being showcased at all in any of the clips, despite the fact he wasn't with the company for any AngleMania previous, Valentine demanded that he be allowed to "spell it out for the squares". I have no idea what that means, neither did Josh or Tony. Nevermind. Vinny bemoaned the fact that two weeks in a row, he has been attacked and embarrassed by "that weird cat" Mister Warrior on Syndicated. Far from being relieved at avoiding a third humbling this week, he vowed that he was going to take "a groovy kinda revenge" on Warrior and finally send him back to 'The Heavens' once and for all. Not just in front of a syndicated TV audience though, oh no. Vinny vowed he was going to do it at AngleMania VII!! No, seriously. As Vinny rambled on though, the TV screens behind Josh and Tony suddenly short-circuited and went to static. Even weirder, pink smoke began to plume out from the back of them. Just before the three were about to run for their lives, the TVs then came back to life with MISTER WARRIOR's face front and centre! The OAOAST's most all-powerful being rambled about... uh, something... before vowing to "rape and pilage all that disco before thee", leaving Vinny a quivering wreck as Syndicated faded away.

I'll see what I can do about the match, but I can definately handle HD this week. I've got a job interview myself this week, which hopefully shouldn't be much of a distraction.

Love Doctors vs. Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew (there's a reason why it didn't happen last week, trust me!) Plus other stuff

All this talk of ending Taker's streak, I still don't buy that it's going to put anyone over for long. You'll get the big reaction at WrestleMania and a boost for a month or so afterwards. But after that, it's progressively going to mean less and less, to the point where the guy becomes the next Chris "1st Undisputed Champion" Jericho, where they just say "I'm the guy who ended The Undertaker's streak!" week after week, to less and less reaction... unless the follow-up is booked well. Ending Taker's streak alone isn't going to 'make' anybody. As far as WrestleMania goes, am I the only one expecting Batista/Umaga to be the sleeper match? I just re-watched Batista/MVP NHB from Smackdown a couple of weeks ago and it was such a great match. Batista, with the right opponent, is capable of a great match.

It would be the shit if Sydal taught Mayweather that swinging DDT where Sydal jumps off someone's CHEST. Well Miz already stole his corner clothesline and Melina already stole his vertical legdrop thingy, so what the hell, why not?

Glad to hear everything turned out alright Zack. I had meant to throw something together myself just incase things were still on top of you, but thankfully things are good.

Landon Maddix vs. Todd Cortez

Well, RVD did a good job when he did get the title as I recall, so... EDIT: Wait, they did!? When did that happen!? Man I'm in a sarcastic mood tonight.

The main-event was one of the most unintentionally hilarious matches I can remember seeing in a while. Just the visual of 17 guys on one side of the ring against two was great. Hearing the words "17 on 2 Handicap Match" was great. The fact they managed to come up with a match to ensure the heel WWE Champion got babyface pops 2 weeks from WrestleMania was great. At the end, I half expected Kennedy to come out while Orton and Cena were down to build the "If Kennedy wins MITB he'll cash it in at WrestleMania" storyline, especially now Jeff's gone and the winner is up in the air. I thought it was odd he wasn't one of the roster in the match. Guess he just wasn't there. Santino was 'on' all night. The sandwich stuff, "Snoopy The Dogg", the Marine headbutt spot in the main-event. I can't believe anyone would want to see him as a serious wrestler as opposed to what he's doing now. Also, was it just me or was Punk/Carlito was really sloppy for the first few minutes. They just about rescued it by the end, but at first it seemed like they were having trouble stringing a lot of stuff together.

The irony is, Mayweather is probably the best heel character they've got in the company. Mainly because it's not a 'character' as such, it's just him with the volume turned up, as the saying goes. That Mayweather video last night was great.

Well, Hatton is incredibly popular over here. His name alone has sold towards 50,000 tickets for his latest fight in his hometown and he's a 'guy on the street' kind of person that everybody in Britain seems to get behind. Plus, any chance for Brits to get wasted and watch a fight abroad is a big ticket, no matter the occassion. The problem with Mayweather so far has been that they picked one of the most natural heels in sports and attempted to place him in the face role.

Todd Cortez's Cibernetico III trophy presentation The Love Doctors vs. The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew (!)

~AFTER THE SHOW~ "OK guys, this really can't go on," Landon Maddix says severely, controlling the impulse to swivel in his leather chair. "This is the second time in a month we've booked you two to face each other, and for the second time in a month you have failed to be able to compete." He glowers at Annie Eclectic. "However, at least you remembered to find your way to the arena this time. I'm not sure if that's good, or if the fact I think it's good is a reason to break down and cry." "There were strippers..." Annie mutters, looking at her boots. "And Tom," Landon sighs, looking at the Superior One, "what, have you started hanging around with Kibagami now? What's with the alcoholism?" "I'm not an alcoholic," Flesher snaps. "I'm just trying to deal with the fact that there's a total incompetent running this place." "Hey, Toxxic's not totally incompetent," Maddix protests, "and besides, he's not running the place, I am!" "That's what I... oh, never mind," Tom sighs, taking another long pull of bourbon. "Are you going to finish that?" Maddix asks, looking at Tom's glass. "Not just yet," Flesher replies, frowning at the Commissioner, "why?" For answer, Maddix just snaps his fingers and an SWF flunkey who had been standing quietly in the corner darts forward and snatches the glass from Flesher's hand. "Hey!" Tom starts to turn in pursuit; Annie Eclectic turns around as well. "URRRK!" *WHAM-WHAM!* "Thanks," Landon nods to President Ramu as she dusts her hands off, having performed a stereo chokeslam on the two offending members of the roster. "Last time he spilled bourbon on the carpet, and you should see the cleaning bills the arena tried to hit us with." Ramu makes a snatch for the glass of bourbon in the hand of the SWF staff member. "Hey!" Landon shouts, "you can't have that, you're undera-" *WHAM!* "OK, have it if you want it," the Commissioner shrugs as the flunkey is effortlessly chokeslammed without a drop of bourbon spilled, "just, um... take it away from here, OK?" The diminutive enforcer turns away and opens the office door, to find the doorway (partly) filled by the be-slinged form of Toxxic, who looks down in some confusion. "Landon, there's... a midget with a glass of whiskey in our office." "Ah," Landon begins, "I-" *KER-RACK!* Having performed a picture-perfect Shining Wizard on the startled GM, Ramu carefully sets her glass down, pauses, breaks into a Muta pose for a few seconds, then picks the glass up and walks off. "Mike? Are you alright?" Landon asks with mild concern, crossing over to the Englishman. "How many fingers am I holding up?" "Bug'roff..." "He's fine," Landon announces to no-one in particular, straightening up. "TAXI!"

"Welcome to SWF Home Video, and thanks for joining us for The Harry Palmer Open Invitational," Mak Francis states as the cameras start rolling, "we're here in my home city of Philly, and there's a party going on!" Sure enough, as the cameras pan around a large number of fans can be seen behind the commentary desk with signs bearing slogans like 'WELCOME HOME MAK' and 'PHILLY = THE FRANCHISE CITY'. "Give me a break," the Suicide King grunts, "Philadelphia sucks. Well, not the cream cheese," he adds thoughtfully, "that's pretty good on a bagel." "I'm going to choose to ignore that-" "Feel free, I do the same with you all the time." "-and instead talk about the developments we saw in the SWF at From The Fire," The Franchise continues, scowling sideways at his commentary partner. "Not only did the Insane Luchador pull off a startling upset against the Maori Badass Va'aiga in that Into The Fire match, but we saw Michael Alexander retain against El Hombre Sin Nombre-" "NOT an upset," King interjects. "-and we also saw a change in management structure as Toxxic returned as the SWF's General Manager," Mak concludes. "King, as someone who has been involved in a power-sharing situation yourself, how do you think Landon and Toxxic will get along?" "Well, first of all let me say that for all Toxxic's faults, and he has a few, I like the idea of the SWF with his involvement a hell of a lot more than the SWF solely run by Maddix," King begins. "Well, yeah. You hate Landon, and you're lucky he hasn't fired you yet." "That being said," King continues, "different though they are, we saw Landon and Toxxic get on at least functionally when they were tagging together, so they might actually be able to run this company without tearing it apart." "We'll have to see," Mak says, "but coming up now we have the opening contest on the Harry Palmer Open Invitational, as we see Ced Ordonez and Jonathan Clarke take on a mystery team!" 'NIGHT OF FIRE!' The pulsing Eurobeat starts up and Ced Ordonez appears on the soundstage, flanked by dancers. The Bemani Cross Wizard takes some time to bust some moves, then starts to make his way down towards the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a tag team match scheduled for one fall," Funyon booms. "Introducing first, from Sacremento, California; he weighs in at 209lbs, this is the 'Bemani Cross Wizard', CEEEEEEEEED... OR-DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON-EZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "I don't know why the crowd still cheers this loser," King sniffs, "I mean, when was the last time he won a match? Three years ago? Four?" "Something like that," Mak confirms, "but that doesn't change the fact that the SWF fans show respect for a former Tag Team Champion and a true entertainer." Ced is doing some stretching and dancing in the middle of the ring when Adema's 'Immortal' kicks up, causing all eyes to turn to the entrance ramp and revealing Jonathan Clarke standing there with arms outstretched, back to the crowd. The Geordie spins around and makes his way down to the ring, slapping hands as he goes. "OK, seriously, how long has it been since THIS guy won a match?" King asks in despair. "Who is he, anyway?" "And his tag team partner," Funyon declares, presumably not in direct response to King's query, "from Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, England; he weighs in tonight at 256lbs, he is 'The Extreme Solution', JONATHAN... CLAAAARRRRRKE!!" The response this time is rather more muted as Clarke’s only sniff of success came in the SJL which no-one now remembers, but there are still a few cheers as the Head Drop Kid climbs into the ring and shakes hands with Ced Ordonez. The pair then turn around and look up at the entrance ramp to await their opponents. The lights go out… … … … …and a vaguely familiar muted electronic pulse starts up. Most of the fans are frowning, trying to place it… and then a series of letters and numbers start to flash up on the Smarktron: T K O 2 K 8 “…BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Now the context is available the fans have recognised the start of ‘Tribe’ by Mad Capsule Markets, and with that established it’s no great surprise to see Chris Card and Natasha appear at the top of the entrance ramp. “And their opponents,” Funyon announces, “accompanied to the ring by Chris Card Enterprises, at a combined weight of 489lbs and hailing from Saitama Prefecture, Japan; they are TORU Takahara and KOJI Kitano… TEE! KAY! OHH!” The first guitar riff hits and the well-remembered figures of TORU - taller, bulky - and KOJI - shorter, long hair - appear on the soundstage with their arms folded. The muted Japanese chanting builds up to a creschendo and- *BOOM!* ‘TRIIIIIIIIBE! Why don’t you strike, justify your mind!’ The pyro goes off and TORU and KOJI begin to make their way unhurriedly down towards the ring, pausing to look out over the jeering fans as they go. “Well King, did you think you’d see these two back in the SWF?” Mak Francis asks. “I mean, especially with Maddix in charge?” “Given who they’re managed by, I’m wondering if it’s Maddix who hired them,” King muses. “Everyone knows that Chris Card and Toxxic are good friends-” “-just like everyone knows that Card and Landon can’t stand each other, especially after he punched Megan Skye in the mouth,” the Franchise finishes. “If this isn’t a one-shot appearance, things could get interesting around here. Particularly between our General Manager and Commissioner.” TKO reach the bottom of the ramp and allow Natasha to take their long vinyl trenchcoats, then each man hands their shades to Chris Card before jumping up to the ring apron. From there both take hold of the top rope and leap into the ring, TORU performing a simple vault while KOJI goes for the more acrobatic rolling flip option. They land on their feet, stare over at their opponents… …and each man flips the double bird. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Was that really necessary?” Mak asks. “Yes. Yes it was,” King replies, without hesitation. “Hey,” he adds, “I remember these two making their debut, and they were against Ced then as well.” “Really?” Mak inquires with mild interest, “who was his partner?” “Some loser called Steven Brody.” “Never heard of him.” “There’s a reason for that.” *DING-DING-DING!* The bell goes and Johnathan Clarke steps forward to take on TORU, as the bigger man of the TORU KOJI Organisation. Takahara instantly makes his presence felt as he steps in to bury a knee lift in Clarke’s midsection, then a second, then a third, then as the Geordie tries to catch his breath TORU nonchalantly slams a knee into his face to drop him backwards to the mat! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” TORU pauses momentarily to flip off the fans, then walks over and tags in KOJI, who instantly heads to the top rope. Kitano then jumps off high into the air and comes down with a huge guillotine legdrop across Clarke’s throat, sending the Englishman spasming across the mat. “TKO picking up where they left off,” King notes approvingly. “You mean each one being injured by JJ Johnson and losing the Tag Titles?” Mak Francis asks. “Well… no.” “That’s what I last saw them doing,” Francis grins. KOJI drops down and wraps one hand around Johnathan Clarke’s throat, then places the other on the canvas and begins doing push-ups as referee Brian Warner starts counting… ‘One!’ ‘Two!’ ‘Three!’ ‘Four!’ ‘Fi-’ KOJI stops and looks up, apparently asking Warner why he’s counting along to the push-ups. Warner tells him in no uncertain terms to stop what he’s doing and KOJI looks confused, then gets up to continue the conversation… …and it’s purely coincidental that his foot ends up on Clarke’s windpipe. ‘One!’ ‘Two!’ ‘Three!’ ‘Four!’ ‘Fi-’ KOJI steps back, his expression truly horrified that Warner could possibly think he meant that. He continues backing up and Warner follows him, waving his finger in the face of the apparently apologetic former Tag Team Champion… *BANG!* …which allows TORU to climb to the top rope and come off with the TORU Hammer to Clarke’s chest! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Warner spins around at the noise and races over to chastise TORU, whose explanation in halting English appears to be something along the lines of ‘I slipped’, which doesn’t do much to mollify the referee. While Warner is otherwise engaged KOJI picks Clarke up off the mat, slaps the taste out of his mouth, then fires a basement dropkick to the knee which takes the Extreme Solution down a level. KOJI then gets back to his feet and runs for the ropes, bouncing off to hurtle towards Clarke and flip straight over him, snaring his head in both hands as he does so and pulling the Englishman down to send the back of his head cracking into the mat! *WHAM!* “Shining Darkness from KOJI,” Mak calls, “and Clarke really needs to get Ced into this match.” Kitano makes a cover and Warner dives to count… ONE! TWO!! …but Clarke kicks out, nowhere near gone yet. Ced starts hammering on the top buckle, eager to get into the match and pump his partner up enough to make the tag, but KOJI simply flips him off and pulls Clarke up again. He then tags in TORU, and the Japanese Hammer hoists Clarke up bodily as KOJI jumps and spins- *CRACK-BANG!* -to hit a spinebuster slam / spinning roundhouse kick combo that drives Clarke into the mat! TORU drops to make the cover and Warner starts counting again… ONE! TWO!! …but Clarke kicks out once more! TORU glowers at the referee and pulls Clarke up again, then Irish whips him into the ropes - however, HDK ducks under TORU’s attempted lariat and kills his momentum to turn around and start firing elbows into the big Saitaman’s face. TORU staggers and Clarke turns to run for the ropes, ignoring Ced’s plaintive calls to rebound off and launch a Yakuza kick at TORU… …but the Japanese Hammer sidesteps, then scoops Clarke up and holds him across his chest. Some of the fans remember what comes next and rise to their feet in anticipation… *BANG!* “WOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “BLOCKBUSTER SLAM!” Mak yells in shock as TORU performs a standing moonsault, sandwiching Clarke between himself and the canvas in spectacular fashion and ending up on top for the pin. Warner does his job again… ONE! TWO!! TH- -but Ced Ordonez races in and breaks up the pin with a boot to the head! TORU glares up at the smaller wrestler as he heads back towards his side of the ring, but the match is saved for now. However, Takahara shows no sign of letting Clarke get his breath back as he pulls Clarke back up, tags KOJI back in and then hoists the Extreme Solution up in an inverted sidewalk slam position. KOJI steps through the ropes and grabs a front facelock, then both men sit out to drive Clarke down with a side slam / DDT combo. “TKO really doing a number on Clarke here, and Ced can’t even get into the match!” Mak comments. “That’s why they’re so good,” King remarks, “excellent at cutting off the ring. Ced can’t use his tag wrestling experience if he’s not in the ring!” KOJI doesn’t try and cover Clarke, instead he grapevines both of HDK’s legs with his own, then reaches forwards and grabs Clarke’s arms. He wrenches back, pulling Clarke’s upper body off the canvas, before placing his boot on the back of Clarke’s head and- *BANG!* -delivering a nasty curbstomp that flattens the Geordie’s face into the mat! He reaches out an arm and tags TORU back in, prompting the bigger man to step through the ropes and then drop a knee into the back of Clarke’s head, before both members of TKO turn and flip off Ced! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Ordonez scrambles forward to get into the ring and TORU quickly starts choking Clarke; Ced sees this and gets back out of the ring, his tag wrestling brain overcoming his instincts, and Warner turns around to see TORU’s hand wrapped around Clarke’s windpipe: ‘One!’ ‘Two!’ ‘Three!’ ‘Four!’ ‘Fi-’ TORU blinks in polite incomprehension at the referee, seemingly unaware what he was doing wrong. Then he goes back to choking. ‘One!’ ‘Two!’ ‘Three!’ ‘Four!’ ‘Fi-’ ‘I’M JAPANESE, DAMMIT!’ TORU thunders at Warner, which, while true, doesn’t seem to convince the referee that the big man can’t understand his count. Warner gets really aggravated with TORU and starts yelling at him, which unfortunately distracts him from the fact that that Chris Card and Natasha have been creeping around the ring towards Ced, each one approaching from opposite directions. Ordonez sees Card coming and when the English manager approaches too close he gets the first shot in by leaping off the apron to deliver a dropkick! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Unfortunately Ced failed to notice Natasha, and when he turns around she delivers the Aerosol Equaliser right into his eyes! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Hey!” Mak shouts. “He shouldn’t have attacked Chris Card, unprovoked!” King retorts, “well, OK, maybe he should…” King’s bitterness about Card’s failure to keep Maddix in the midcard aside, TKO have noticed the absence of a second opponent and TORU picks Clarke up off the mat, then calls KOJI into the ring. The smaller man Irish whips Clarke into the ropes while TORU bounces off the opposite ones, then launches himself into the air and- *KER-RACK!* “Sweet Zombie Jesus!” Mak yells as TORU’s knee connects at high speed with Johnathan Clarke’s jaw, “that was a Busaiku!” “I believe TORU calls it the ‘Jouseishin’,” King corrects him, “but either way, Clarke’s done.” Sure enough, TORU casually drapes himself across the Geordie and bellows at Warner to count… ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! *DING-DING-DING!* “Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners; TEE! KAY! OHH!” Funyon bellows. TORU and KOJI shake Brian Warner’s hands off and have Natasha raise their hands, then take turns to spit on Clarke. Meanwhile outside Card has picked himself up and, glaring, sights up on the blinded Ced Ordonez before delivering the Calling Card to the Bemani Cross Wizard’s chest! “Another mugging from TKO,” Mak sighs, “the SWF can always use more tag teams, but why did it have to be these guys…?” FADE OUT