King Cucaracha

Was it a black cock?

I just realised, Masked Heel has an average of 100 posts a year and now wonder what newspaper he's been reading all these years.

Hey, here's a tree that looks like a person for no reason.

Oh shit.

What if you don't have a dog?

BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen this is a special added attraction match, set for one fall and for the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Championships! "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be alright Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" "Shadows Of The Night" strikes up, leading out Cucaracha Internacional. Leading from the front, Landon Maddix gestures to the crowd with a big smile on his face, expecting them to be a little happier about their special addition. James Blonde follows behind Landon smiling just as widely, with Faqu within reach. Just incase. And at the back, Megan Skye and Nathaniel Black, who really aren't the smiling types. BUFFER Introducing first, team number one. Being accompanied to the ring by MEGAN SKYE. Total combined weight, nine hundred and fifty five pounds. The team of NATHANIEL BLLLAAAAACK... "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FFAAAAAAQQUUUUUU... "THE TRENDSETTER" JJAAAMMMEEEESSS BBLLLLLLOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MMMMAAAAAADDIIIIIXXXX... together, they are the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions... CUCARACHA INTERNACCCIIIIOOOONNAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" The 8-Man Champs pile into the ring, Landon proudly holding his title to the crowd, not worried by the fact it doesn't match the others. The Chicago crowd let the CI have it, all seeming to wash over Landon. COLE The once OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions, Cucaracha Internacional. And don't adjust your sets, that fourth belt really is a completely different design, colour and different promotion's. COACH That's because it's the leader's belt. COLE It... what!? Is that Landon's positive spin or did you come up with it yourself? [COLOR=red]*WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!*[/COLOR] "Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you" A huge reception goes up in the arena for Chicago's own... not just The Love Doctors, but for their partners as well! The Docs bound out and perform a labcoat strip-tease in front of their Chicago skyline, before pointing to the back, bringing out Chicago's own JUMBO to join them! The bigman is thankfully stopped before he can start stripping by Tim Cash, who goes from being a nice guy to a saviour. BUFFER And introducing the opponents! From Chicago, Illinois, the team of DR. MAX ANDERSON and DR. STEVEN PIGLEY, THE LLLLOOOOOOOVVVEEEE DDOOOOCCTTOOOOOORRRRRSSSS!! From Peoria, Illinois, "WRESTLING'S LAST REAL GOOD GUY"... TTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM... CCAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH!! And, weighing four hundred, fourty pounds, from Chicago, Illinois, JJJJUUUUUUUMMMMMBBOOOOOOOOOO!!! Together, they are THE CHIIICCAAAAAAGGOOOOOOO... GGRRRRAAAAPPLLLEEERRRSSS!!!!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Forget about the Cubs, the Bears and the Bulls, tonight it's all about the Chicago Grapplers! The four Illinoisians make their way to the ring, The Docs slapping hands and Cash shaking those that they miss. Big Jumbo climbs into the ring and CI quickly back away, Faqu made to by Blonde. COLE A big homecoming here for these four, looking to capture these may or may not be official OAOAST titles. COACH Of course they're official, Michael! COLE So if the Chicago natives win here tonight, then Jumbo gets Landon's SWF belt which is his legal property? COACH Well, that's a bridge to be crossed if and when Cucaracha Internacional ever lose. COLE Great, thanks. *DINGDINGDING!* With the bell sounded it's left to the teams to decide on openers. Tim Cash starts for the challengers and it looks like James Blonde to start for the champions, but Landon overrules him. And Blonde is only too happy to do as Landon says. COACH Leading by example, baby! Cash offers the standard pre-match handshake and glad to be 'finally getting the respect he deserves', Landon takes it. They lock up and Cash grabs a side headlock. Shot off into the ropes, Cash leaps over Landon, then rolls over the back as Landon ducks his head. Getting his bearings Landon comes off the ropes. Cash sidesteps and picks Landon up off the far ropes in a fireman's carry, throwing him down on his back. Quickly Landon kicks his feet up to force Cash away and gets back up, but gets caught with an armdrag. COLE Look at Tim Cash, taking it to the former World Champion. A surprised Landon sits on his knees and Cash calls the action to a stop. He offers Maddix a handshake and Landon takes it, despite looking taken aback. Pleasantries done, Cash offers a test of strength. Landon locks one hand, but then knees Cash in the gut! By the head he throws Gentleman Tim down, stopping to pose. Which costs him as Cash rolls back, hooking his feet around Landon's head and taking him to the mat! Landon scrambles up and gets caught with an armdrag. A second. And a third and this time Landon is angry! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Cash offers another handshake and Landon glares at him. For some reason he shakes the hand, [i]angrily[/i], before stomping to his corner and frustratedly tagging James Blonde in. COACH Don't ever say Landon's not a sportsman. COLE And in comes Blonde now... Angry at seeing his mentor humiliated Blonde rushes into the ring, right into a drop toehold! COLE ...and that's not a great start. Cash bars an arm to control Blonde. To his feet the Canadian reaches out for the ropes. All four sides, beginning to pick up speed as Cash sets him up for the FLYING WRISTLOCK! Blonde checks his nose is okay after another face-first landing and is pulled to his feet. Cash goes behind with a hammerlock, into a side headlock. Lifting him up, Blonde tries a back suplex on Cash, but he lands on his feet and tries to roll Blonde up... 1... 2... No! Big right misses from Blonde, leaving him prone for an atomic drop! COLE Ooooh! Sunset flip by Cash... 1... 2... No! Wringing the arm, Cash tags in Dr. Pigley, to a big cheer! COLE Dr. Pigley, a local celebrity here in Chicago with his weekly radio advice show, The Love Line. Pigley comes off the top with a double axehandle to the arm of Blonde and wrings it again. Quick tag is then made to Dr. Anderson. Off the top, he hits the double axe as well. Another quick tag brings Cash back in, a double axehandle from him too. Cash wrings on the arm, then points to Jumbo! COLE No way! COACH Don't do it, you'll break his arm! Before Cash can make the tag to Jumbo though, Blonde reaches up and pulls Cash down the hair, disappointing the crowd. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" See. Cash gets back up, but is knocked down with a well placed dropkick, right to the jaw. Running to his corner, Blonde shakes hands with Landon, mocking Gentleman Tim and earning more hatred from the Chicago crowd. COACH Haha, there's a show of respect! Laying in some stomps, Blonde reaches out and tags in Nathaniel Black. Black pulls Cash up and sends him to the ropes, laying him out on the rebound with a hard clothesline. Cover... 1... 2... No! Sitting Cash up, Black puts on a half nelson and applies a chinlock. Cash tries to draw on the support of the Chicago crowd as the hold wears him down. "LET'S GO TIM!" "LET'S GO TIM!" "LET'S GO TIM!" "LET'S GO TIM!" The nicest guy in all of wrestling starts to get some energy going. The fist starts pumping. And Cash is able to roll to a knee. Sensing trouble, Landon ducks into the ring, just far enough to draw in The Love Doctors and point the referee over to them. As the ref goes to point Pigley and Anderson out, Landon then sneaks in and puts the boots to Cash and stop his fightback! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COACH That's what Landon brings to his team, right there. COLE Cheating!? COACH Veteran instincts, smarts, good strategy. Leadership. By the time the ref turns around from the annoyed Docs, he finds Cash back in the hold and Landon innocently talking with Blonde. After a few more seconds in the hold Black reaches up, tagging Landon legally in. To loud boos. COLE Landon's 'leadership' is about as popular as Pakistan's with these fans. Landon stomps on Cash, before forcing him down. A double stomp leads to a back senton, setting Tim for the cover... 1... 2... No! Cash reaches out for a tag, but is a long way away. An elbow drop puts him flat on his stomach, giving Landon time to gloat. Picking Tim up, Landon then rocks him with a forearm. A second. And a third. Then a straight kick to the chest, up against the ropes. Irish whip is reversed though and Cash scores with a Powerslam! COLE Could have him! 1... 2... No! Cash makes a move for his corner, but walks right into a knee to the gut. Stepping behind, Landon then hooks Cash up with a neckbreaker and brings him down across the knee! "OOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Rolling to the corner, Landon tags in Faqu and groans fill the crowd. The big Samoan walks to a neutral corner and sets, shouting in Samoan as he waits for Cash to get back up. Clutching his neck, Cash climbs to his feet near the opposite corner and looks up to see Faqu charging towards him, leaving his feet with a FLYING Avalanche... ...which Cash JUST manages to sidestep!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Faqu hits the turnbuckles hard and Cash takes his opportunity, crawling to the corner and MAKING THE TAG, bringing in Jumbo!! COLE Oh, my! The two bigmen, Jumbo and Faqu, hold onto your seats! COACH I hope we reinforced the ring! Stepping in Jumbo waits for Faqu to turn around and the two bigmen stare each other down! Faqu rants and raves at Jumbo and starts beating his chest. Nodding, Jumbo backs off the ropes and hits a shoulder block, that Faqu takes, beating his chest again! Jumbo isn't deterred and hits another shoulder block, managing to stagger the Samoan, but not quite put him down. And now it's [i]Jumbo[/i] who beats his chest, psyching himself up as he hits another shoulder charge. Faqu is staggered this time, but comes right back off the ropes with a shoulder of his own! Jumbo falls into the ropes and returns with a shoulder! And so does Faqu! Jumbo comes back again... AND KNOCKS FAQU DOWN!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE Jumbo with the knockdown! The two big bulls colliding and it's the Chicago bull that comes out on top! As Faqu gets back up, Landon and Blonde come in and try to ambush Jumbo... but get cut off by The Love Doctors! Pigley and Anderson take it to Maddix and Blonde, rocking them up against the ropes and delivering dropkicks, sending both men up and over the top to the floor! Grabbing the rope, The Doctors Of Doctornomics look at each other... AND TAKE FLIGHT WITH PESCADOS!!!! COLE Up and over go the Doctors and this crowd is loving it! In the ring, Jumbo waves Faqu back up. He waits for the Samoan to turn around and stoops down, lifting Faqu up with a HUGE scoop slam!! COACH Dayyum! COLE Faqu doesn't get powerslammed very often, I can guarantee that! And now, are we going to see the XL Splash? Jumbo sounds a imaginary truck horn, which I guess is the signal for the XL Splash. It's enough to tip off Nathaniel Black, anyway. As Jumbo backs into the ropes, Black comes in and dives forward, clipping Jumbo's knee. The bigman goes down to one knee, picking himself up just as Black throws the big BLACK LARIAT, ENOUGH TO PUT THE 440 POUNDER DOWN!!! COLE WOW! Thinking quickly, Black knocks Cash off the apron and follows him to the floor. That leaves Jumbo down for Faqu, who drops a big headbutt and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Faqu rants at the referee, who wisely cowers away. "JUM - BO!" "JUM - BO!" "JUM - BO!" "JUM - BO!" Waiting for Jumbo, Faqu comes off the ropes with a clothesline. Jumbo teeters, but doesn't go down this time. Not used to dealing with people he's giving up weight too, let alone over hundred pounds, Faqu yells at Jumbo in Samoan. COACH I think Faqu's confused. When he hits someone, they usually go down! Faqu grabs Jumbo and gives him a headbutt. He comes off the ropes again, but runs into a big back elbow from Jumbo, knocking him off his feet. Jumbo hits the ropes this time, but his clothesline gets ducked... *SMACK!* ...and he lands a Thrust Kick, sending Jumbo staggering back and falling through the ropes to the floor! "OOOHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH There we go. More ranting and shouting from Faqu follows, not seeing The Love Doctors sliding back in. Faqu turns around and takes a double dropkick. And a second. Faqu is rocked back towards the ropes, but suddenly screams out and aims for the Docs's heads with a double clothesline... which they duck! Faqu screams and charges again, but the Docs pull the top rope down and send Faqu flying out of the ring! COLE Bodies are flying here. Before The Docs can breath a sigh of relief, Landon rolls back in and takes out Anderson, before laying into Pigley with forearm shots. Landon goes for an irish whip, but Pigley reverses. Inverted atomic drop jars Landon and he's held in place for the dropkick by Anderson! COLE Lovematic Grampa, VINTAGE Love Doctors! Anderson knocks Blonde off the apron and The Docs call on the crowd, signalling for the end. Scooping Landon up, Anderson holds him steady while Pigley charges the DEFIBRILLATOR!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Cover... 1... 2... 3- NOOO!!! COLE Was that it!? No! No, only two! COACH (relieved) Ohhh. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Cucaracha Internacional are living on borrowed time and The Doctors may be about to put them out of their misery! Having thought they'd won, The Love Doctors quickly recover and set Maddix up again. Anderson gets the double leg pick up again, but this time Pigley climbs out onto the apron. They position Landon, ready for the Gurney To The Centre Of The Earth... ...but as Pigley goes to spring to the top, he's pulled down, face-first into the ring apron by James Blonde!! COLE But Landon's loyal lackey, in the right place at the right tme! COACH Loyal lackey? That's an international wrestling champion you're talking about! Blonde climbs to the apron but gets caught up gloating, allowing Dr. Anderson to drop Landon, then drop Blonde with a SPINNING BACKFIST! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" With Blonde in a heap, Anderson lines up Landon. Slipping off his elbowpad and throwing it aside, Dr. Max hits the ropes, looking for the LARIA... NO! Landon ducks the line and manages to catch Anderson off guard with the LUNGBLOWER!! COLE Oh, Anderson got caught, out of nowhere. Landon hooks the leg... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE But it's not over yet! The Chicago Grappler aren't giving up without a fight here on their hometown Spectacular! Frustrated, Landon lays in wait for Anderson. Hooking him up, Landon runs for the corner looking for sliced bread... but gets flipped over onto his feet. Landon goes to charge in the corner, but runs into the boot of Dr. Max! Spit flies and Landon is dazed, wandering into the path of the LARIAT from Anderson!!! COLE LARIATOOOOOOOOO~! COACH Oh my god, no! Hook of the leg... 1... 2... NO, ONLY TWO!!!!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Dr. Anderson quickly drags Landon nearer the corner and heads up top, looking for the finishing touches. Scaling the turnbuckles, he sizes Landon up, tumbling down with the 450 SPLASH... BUT NOBODY HOME!!! COLE Landon rolled out of the way! Holding his ribs, Dr. Anderson gets to one knee... *SMACK!* ...before getting SMASHED in the face with the Low Flying Superkick!! And if that wasn't enough, Landon makes sure, quickly elevating Anderson up into a fireman's carry and blasting him with the GO TO SLEEP!!!! COACH A one-two punch, a one-two knockout! Cover by Landon... 1... 2... 3!!!! And nobody to make the save, Cash pulled back at the last second by Black. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And after being pushed to breaking point, the self-proclaimed strongest unit in the OAOAST have escaped with their title! Landon rolls out of the ring with some relief, trying to gather the troops and the belts as the Chicago fans voice their disapproval. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match and STILL OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions... CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Gathering up the belts, Landon doles them out to his team at the bottom of the aisle. Black gives him a pat on the back well-done, a rare show of emotion... by his standards. Still shaken up from the backfist he took, Blonde just looks lost as to where he is. COACH Who says you can't come home? COLE Well the Chicago team put up a great effort but, not to be tonight I'm afraid.

COLE We're back here in Chicago and, for some reason, there's a dumbell being brought to the ring. As three trusty backstage workers carry the weight-lifting equipment to the ring, Biff Atlas marches proudly to the ring, not attempting to help the poor saps. COLE And not only that, they're bringing some weights out as well. COACH Har-har. As the workers start setting up, Biff climbs into the ring in front of them. BIFF Ladies and gentlemen, for generations, people have been celebrated for their feats of strength. In Greek mythology, Atlas was ordered to carry the sky on his shoulders as punishment. Tonight, I, Biff Atlas, will carry on my shoulders these weights, not as punishment, but as proof, that I do infact possess super-powe... Biff stops and looks around in a panic. BIFF ...uhm... forget that last part! COACH Yeah, don't want to give away your secret Biff. Not like we haven't seen you discuss it on camera already. COLE Shh! BIFF The point is, I have challenged former world-class powerlifter Ken Pantera to a weight-lifting challenge, which is in no way connected with any sort of super-powers. COACH Good save. COLE I said [i]shh![/i] Suddenly, "Tom Sawyer" by Rush hits, cutting Biff off. Shaking his head, out walks Ken Pantera, followed by Felix Strutter who can barely contain himself from laughing. COLE Well two weeks ago, we saw Ken Pantera and Felix Strutter put a beating on Team Heyross and Denzel Spencer and make a shocking reunion. But this stems back to three weeks ago, when Biff Atlas in his delusional state decided to challenge Pantera to a power-lifting contest, to I guess show Vinny Valentine he's not lying about his super-powers. Pantera and Strutter enter the ring, Pantera looking down at the dumbell (the object, not Biff). BIFF Okay Ken. Good luck, you... might need it. Pantera and Strutter look utterly confused, as Biff pulls out a packet of powder and starts dusting his hands ready for the first lift. Snatching the microphone, Strutter interrupts Biff mid-powdering. STRUTTER What in the hell are you doing? BIFF It's for better grip, get rid of the moisture. STRUTTER No, what the hell are you doing, [i]period[/i]? Are you seriously calling out Ken Pantera? For a weight-lifting contest!? You have gotta be the most clueless person in this building. And that's saying something. How about you just cut the crap, head to the back and don't even DARE to speak our names again. Huh? Surprised at this confrontational talk, Biff looks Felix very seriously in the eye. BIFF Please... you don't want to talk to me this way. You don't know what I'm capable of. STRUTTER *scoffs* Man, I had you all wrong. Here I thought you were delusional, when it turns out you're actually PATHETIC. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" STRUTTER Look at you. You're a joke! You've been a joke your entire life! Well that's fine, I guess you can't help it. But how about you get something through your thick skull. Ken Pantera is no joke! This man is a powerhouse. He's a beast. And for the past few months, he's been stuck hanging around with losers like you and like Vinny Valentine. A disco dancer and a guy who's afraid of his own shadow. "BIFF!" "BIFF!" "BIFF!" "BIFF!" COLE Some of these people taking some exception to this browbeating from Felix Strutter. STRUTTER Ken Pantera is worth more than that. And I'm worth more than palling around with a couple of Jamaican dumbasses. You and Valentine dragged Ken Pantera down to your level. Those Jamaicans dragged me down to their level. And sometimes you've just got to take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror and admit that you don't like where you're at and say it's time for a change! I'm a former International World Champion! Me and Ken, we were a force! Sooner or later we had to figure out what the problem was. We were dragged down by a couple of Jamaicans and two Americans. We had to go back to stage one, being the best team coming outta the best wrestling country in the world, Canada! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" STRUTTER And we're not going to be have anchors like you tied around our ankles anymore. Dropping the microphone, Strutter kicks at the pack of powder in Biff's hands, causing him to be blinded by a puff of white material! COLE Hey! With Biff blinded Pantera attacks, clubbing Biff from behind and pounding him into the mat as Strutter tries to clear the dust away. The crowd jeer, as Pantera muscles Biff up and gets him up into a gorilla press, doing REPS with him before tossing him down to the mat! COACH Well I guess we know who wins the power-lifting challenge. COLE Come on. I'm no fan of Biff Atlas, but this is uncalled for! Pantera drags Biff back up and lifts him onto his shoulders, as Strutter climbs the turnbuckles. He looks at the Chicago crowd, before hooking Biff up and bringing him off of Pantera with a HUGE DDT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Big smile on his face, Strutter stands over Biff and raises Pantera's arm in the air. COACH Team Canada, making another statement. Strutter and Pantera leave to the sound of boos as Biff lays hurt in the ring, his face still white with powder.

COLE Let's send it back now to our broadcast colleagues for some comments ahead of Battlebowl. And back we go first to Maggie Nerdly, stood besides a suited and orange tinted sunglassed Bohemoth. MAGGIE Bo, big things popping here in Chi-Town tonight. First up, I've gotta ask how you're feeling after that brutal Stretcher Match you had last week? BOHEMOTH I'm doing fine. My knee's still a little sore, but nothing I can't cope with. The fact that I won that match and sent Rodez on another stretcher ride is enough to make me feel pretty damn good right about now. MAGGIE Well that's good cause tonight it's Battlebowl. Sixteen men, one spot in the main event at AngleSlam. BOHEMOTH You know, I realise that there's some good talent in this battle royal. I realise that there's a few big guys in there too. But I'm the biggest and I'm the hungriest of them all! I started 2009 off by beating twenty nine other men in the Lethal Rumble, dumping people over the top rope, to get my shot at the World Title. I went to AngleMania. Stood across the ring from Zack Malibu, the World Champ. And I didn't get the job done. Simple as that. Tonight, I've got a chance to make good. Tonight, I'm gonna [i]smash[/i] through fifteen opponents, get my World Title shot again and this time I'm gonna come away with the gold! I don't care whether it's Moneymaker, whether it's Krista, whether it's somebody else come AngleSlam, I want that belt around my waist and I'll go through whoever I have to to get it. MAGGIE Alright, Big Bo, big on confidence. Let's throw it real quick to Josh Matthews, Josh? But we don't cut to Josh Matthews. Instead, we find Morgan Nerdly. Distraught at her loss minutes ago, she holds her hands on her head, complete tunnel vision as she walks through the hall causing her to bump into a backstage worker. MORGAN [i]GET AWAY FROM ME![/i] The lowly worker wisely runs before he can get zapped. And everyone else within earshot quickly finds a reason to walk away as well. Morgan looks around in a daze and collapses in the spot she was standing, sobbing. Hands in her hair, she suddenly starts yanking at it in a rage before striking herself across the head in a fit of rage. Panting, Morgan stops and looks at herself. Still sobbing she starts to scramble away at her boot. With her hands shaking it takes her a few seconds to produce a RAZORBLADE. She holds out her wrist and aims the razorblade, hovering a little... ...when suddenly, a hand wraps around her wrist and stops her. Morgan is shocked and slowly looks up, to find, of all people, LEON RODEZ. LEON (forcefully) Come with me. Not sure what to do for a second, Morgan is pulled up to her feet and without a word, she's dragged off. LORELEI (off screen) HEY! GET BACK HERE! Morgan stops in her tracks, looking back at Lorelei who starts to stomp over. LORELEI Don't you DARE walk away from me! I'm not through with you yet. Get back here. Leon steps in front of Morgan, still clutching her by the wrist. LORELEI I think you'd better get out of my way. LEON Try me. Glancing past Leon at the frightened Morgan, Lorelei looks back at Leon, who isn't budging. LORELEI You know what... fine! You need me more than I need you, Nerdly! You'll come crawling back. And when you do, you'd better have a damn good apology ready. Lorelei stomps off in a huff. A relieved Morgan looks up at her knight in shining armour, who very un-knight like turns and drags Morgan off in the other direction.

Didn't want this clogging up General Chat. Welcome to NHB, or something.

Yeah, you sure nailed it, bud. WTF is this about? I was explaining the humour of the situation to Battlenuts. *groans* If I were serious, why would I have guessed three in a row!? Sheesh.

Stretcher Match is in. Damn weekends.

Enjoy your 'victory' then. If you're comfortable with caring so much about a message board as to spend two years on 'tricking' people one place and bitching about them at another, good for you. So long as you're restraining yourself from being this awful there as here, everybody wins. We can leave people to draw their own conclusions over how lame they find it. Just a shame we have to put up with this 'you' here still.

If you acted as terrible there as you do here, it wouldn't have gone unnoticed.

I'll give you one thing, you're not this screamingly and relentingly worthless at the other board. Out of your two-faces, I much prefer that one. If only you took the hint and made it a permanent change. Then you wouldn't need a second personality to hide behind to begin with.

foleyfanforever88?

COLE Molly Nerdly has been busy again this week. She's given us a special director's cut of one of her film projects, as she spent the day with Cucaracha Internacional. [size=3][color="#FFA500"][i][b]THE OAOAST: AN INTERNACIONAL WORKPLACE[/b][/i][/color][/size] [i]An internal look at OAOAST business By Molly Nerdly[/i] In a presumably borrowed business room at one of the OAOAST's weekly visits, Cucaracha Internacional are sat lined down a table. At the front of the room stands Landon Maddix, [s]SWF ICTV[/s] OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Title over his shoulder. MADDIX I've called you all together today, because today is a special day. It's officially been a year and a half, give or take a few days, since we joined up and former Cucaracha Internacional. Now lately, we've been doing well for ourselves. We've got our brand new 8-Man Tag Team Titles and we're finally showing people what we're capable of. We're finally working like a unit. But, we can't get complacent. As a team, we should always be wanting more. More success. More accolades. More money. More, more, more. So, I feel that today is as good a day as ever to conduct a performance evaluation. Black and Blonde look confused. Faqu looks... well, he's chewing on something and not paying attention. BLACK Evaluation? MADDIX It's nothing to worry about Nat, relax. BLONDE (looking around) Is Todd not in on this, or something? MADDIX We will [i]all[/i] be getting evaluated. We're a team, right? A unit? All parts equal? Trust me, nobody will be getting any special treatment from me. ~~~~~ Cut to Landon, pacing, on a cellphone. MADDIX Well, listen... no, no, it's nothing important, it's just a quick performance review, I... oh, well, how far away are you... can you not... no it's okay, I understand Todd, I... yeah, well, okay, to condense it down to the bottom line, much improved and again, I want to officially thank you for seeing what I've been trying to convince you of for so lo... oh... oh, okay... no, I completely understand, you, you go, you go, we'll talk another time, no sweat. Hanging up the phone, Landon turns to camera with a sheepish smile. MADDIX He was busy. ~~~~~ Cut to Landon at a commandeered desk. Sat on the other side is a thoroughly disinterested Nathaniel Black. MADDIX Now, don't worry, this is just a casual chat. Nobody's on trial here! (laughs) All good energy. Uhm, let's see. Well, I can't fault your work effort or your contribution to the cause. Every group needs someone to carry the workload. The organ grinder. The carthorse. Someone who's not concerned with hogging the spotlight and being the star. That's you right there Nat. BLACK Cheers, I guess. MADDIX I do have one minor constructive criticism to bring up. Just a small thing. So I don't want you to take this the wrong way. We're all friends here. It's just sometimes, you can be a little confrontational Nat. BLACK Confrontational? [i]-*bleep*-[/i] off mate! And quit bloody callin' me Nat would yeh? MADDIX See that's kinda what I'm talking about right there. Black rolls his eyes and folds his arms. ~~~~~ MADDIX (to camera) Nat can be... a little grouchy sometimes. I think it's an English thing. But I know how to handle him. A good leader understands the complexities of his team. Nelson had to deal with all sorts. ~~~~~ Cut to Landon, now with Faqu sat in front of him. The Samoan fidgets in his seat, distracted by... well, seemingly everything around him. MADDIX ...you're doing fine. ~~~~~ Cut to later, with Megan now in the hotseat. MEGAN So, did you get anything out of this idea of yours? MADDIX I feel it's been very constructive, yes. You've got to have accountability in a team. If one part of the unit doesn't pull their weight, the whole thing falls apart. I need these guys to feel responsible. Responsible for the success and responsible for their role in keeping things going. And I think we're getting somewhere. So, let's get started, shall we? MEGAN :huh: Wait, you're evaluating [i]me[/i]? MADDIX Of course! You heard me earlier, we'll all be evaluated. And last I checked you're a part of the team, so let's do this. But, before we get started, don't even think of trying to seduce me to get a good review. Let's keep this strictly professional. Clearly a jokey comment, Megan doesn't see the funny side, still amazed at the fact she's being evaluated and staring at Landon like he's lost his mind. ~~~~~ MADDIX (to camera) I jus... I just can't tolerate disloyalty. Even when it's from someone I'm 'involved' with. Actually, no, [i]especially[/i] from someone I'm 'involved' with. Megan needs to realise, she's not getting a free ride. Not from me. You play favourites with your piece of skirt and VOOM, there's uproar. And I won't have anyone accusing me of nepotism. ~~~~~ MADDIX Okay. We've known each other for about six years now, so I think we both know each other about as well as we could. And I wouldn't swap that for the world. I mean, if I did replace you, think of what I'd be missing out on. You know how I like my coffee, what to avoid ordering in my sandwiches, my favourite fabric softener... quite frankly, you're invaluable. But, I feel like sometimes, you could be a little more supportive. MEGAN ...excuse me? MADDIX Well, just... how to put this delicately... you're prone to mood swings. And don't take that the wrong way, because that would prove my point. You know, I have all these great ideas, like this evaluation and you seem really enthusiastic. Then I say something or do something and suddenly you're throwing a hissy. Or you go all 'deadpan' and suddenly everything's a cause for saying something sarcastic. MEGAN Usually when you say or do something. MADDIX Exactly! And I don't understand it and it's not helpful. And then other times, I feel that you let our relationship get in the way of business. We have to stay professional. No matter what our urges. MEGAN Like the time you suggested we sneak away for a quickie while we were approving t-shirt designs? MADDIX (laughing nervously) I'm sorry... did... did I pass out and suddenly this is [i]my[/i] evaluation? Can we just... stay on topic here please? Hehheh... ~~~~~ MEGAN (to camera) Sometimes, I dream that I'm choking him. ~~~~~ Cut to the desk again and the final evaluee, a confident James Blonde. BLONDE I just want to say, what an honour it's been to learn and develop under you. These past eighteen months have been some of the best of my entire life. You took this humble Canadian journeyman and you turned him into a champion. You did that! You gave me the confidence to be myself, the Trendsetter. All those years I spent in OAOVW, learning under people like Anglesault, like Tony Brannigan, like Zack Malibu. They could all learn a little something from you. I know I have. MADDIX (trying to act humble) Well... give me a second to write that down, I've got to put that on my resumé... BLONDE It's all true. And the best is yet to come, I know it. MADDIX Well I feel the same way. This group relies on unity and loyalty and I've never had a problem with you on that front. BLONDE Never [i]will[/i], boss. MADDIX I see that potential in you. It's true. It's like... I have a gift for seeing talent. And yours is shining bright. I couldn't ignore it and soon, nobody will be able to. BLONDE (lost for words) I... can't tell you how much it means hearing that from you. MOLLY (off camera) Oh God, cut! ~~~~~ MEGAN (to camera) What do I think of Landon? ~~~~~~ BLACK (to camera) He's an idiot. But, who ain't 'round 'ere? He's a successful idiot, that's what counts, innit? ~~~~~~ BLONDE (to camera) Landon is everything I aspire to be. ~~~~~~ MEGAN (to camera) My father had a saying. "If he had a brain, he'd be dangerous." He said it to me the very first time he met Landon actually. He was a good judge of character, my father. ~~~~~ FAQU *stares at camera*

JOSH All eyes are on the Chi-Town Spectacular next week, sight of the Battlebowl battle royal to determine the number one contender to the OAOAST World Title at AngleSlam. And right now, we're ready for another Battlebowl tag team match. Maggie hands over the first ball. JOSH And our first participant... CONQUISTADOR UNO! "Creeps" by Fedde Le Grand plays and out heads Conquistador Uno, offering up an ominious chant to the skies before he walks to the ring. COACH I hope the ref checks this is actually Uno. JOSH And his tag team partner will be... one half of the Orange County Cobras, NED BLANCHARD! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE Ned Blanchard, in what shape we're not sure. COACH (bitter) Well he won't be walking with a cane after last week, we know that much. A warm greeting awaits Ned as he enters, with a noticeable limp in his step but clearly closer to 100% than before. Ned climbs into the ring and gets right into Uno's face, cussing out the masked/face painted/tattooed (did we clear that up yet?) Conquistador. Ned then scales the turnbuckles and fires up the fans. JOSH Their opponents... first up, the new masked sensation, J-MAX! COACH [i]Jamie O'Hara[/i]. Mask and all, The Birmingham Bad Boy appears and jogs to the ring, tumbling in over the bottom rope in impressive style. COLE And I'm sure as well as the AngleSlam title shot, J-MAX... COACH [i]Jamie O'Hara[/i]. COLE ...will have half an eye on a certain person in that battle royal, if he can make it there, Logan Mann. JOSH And his partner is half of V.I.C.E, CPA! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" That quickly gets Ned's attention and a smile on his face, as CPA marches out. The big muscle of V.I.C.E throws some shadow punches, which don't intimidate Ned whatsoever, waving him to the ring. COLE CPA and Ned Blanchard will be on opposite sides tonight and opposite sides next week in Chicago in an eight man tag team match, featuring VICE and The LDC Moneygang taking on The Cobras and Team Heyross. But only one of them will be pulling double duty in the Battlebowl battle royal. CPA climbs to the apron... and he stays there. Ned calls him into the ring, but CPA arrogantly points to an imaginary watch, saying all in good time. So Ned leaves as well, slapping Uno on the chest, almost knocking him off his feet with his offer of 'good luck'. *DINGDINGDING!* J-MAX and Uno circle. They go to lock up and J-MAX quickly turns it into a hammerlock, surprising Uno. Uno looks for an escape and tries to roll out, but J-MAX rolls through with him and maintains the hold. Spinning him around, J-MAX then takes Uno over with an armdrag. A high dropkick connects, followed with a Standing Moonsault... 1... 2... No! COLE This crowd, electrified by J-MAX every time he steps into the ring. COACH He's only had one match Michael. Unless, of course, he's JAMIE O'HARA! COLE Have you ever thought of becoming a detective? Barring the arm J-MAX keeps control of Uno, until the Conquistador reaches up and rakes at the mask and with it the eyes. Uno gets up and drives the point of the elbow into J-MAX's neck repeatedly, before summouning some greater powers. NED :huh: Ned tags himself in, interrupting Uno's chant, which doesn't go down well. But Ned just tells him to take a hike. COACH Yeah, great teamwork Ned. Ned comes in and quickly sends J-MAX to the ropes. J-MAX ducks underneath an elbow, but Ned recovers and goes for a hiptoss... only for J-MAX to land on his feet and execute a monkey flip! Rolling into a corner Ned shakes it off and when J-MAX attempts another monkey flip, he counters with a shove. J-MAX manages to moonsault over onto his feet though. He tries to catch Ned walking out of the corner with a spinning wheel kick, but gets caught and flipped backwards, stomach first across the top rope! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!" Reprimanded by the ref Ned apologises and backs away... surprising CPA with a right hand, knocking him off the apron!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Now that's just uncalled for! Ned cusses CPA out and before the pissed gun for hire can get in, the referee steps in between. While this is going on, Uno runs at J-MAX, but gets kicked off the apron. J-MAX waits for Ned to turn around and then catches him with a Springboard Missile Dropkick!! 1... 2... No! Off the ropes, J-MAX goes over Ned AND WIPES OUT CONQUISTADOR UNO WITH A SURPRISE SOMERSAULT DIVE!!!!! COLE J-MAX TAKES FLIGHT!! Ned gets up and looks around in confusion, allowing CPA to sneak in and strike with a clothesline! The referee orders CPA out of the ring as he's not the legal man, risking the wrath of the bigman. Not seeing any of this, J-MAX slides back into the ring and with Ned down, nails a standing corkscrew splash!! 1... 2... Kickout! Ordering a tag, CPA gets it from his masked partner. Cracking his knuckles the bigman steps in and stands over Ned, slowly picking him back up. COACH And this is what CPA wants, a shot at the man who cost him the Tag Team Titles. COLE He'll get that and a lot more next week in that big eight man tag. CPA loads up his fist and nails Ned with a big right hand. Ned is staggered, barely staying on his feet. His reward for doing so, another hard right hand. Ned falls against the ropes but earns the cheers of the crowd as he DARES CPA to hit him again. Which he does, hard enough to send Ned sprawling to the mat. COLE Ned showing some heart and some guts, the kind of heart and guts we doubted he actually had in the days of the New, New Midnight Express. A man with plenty to prove. COACH And he's not going to prove it trying to punch it out with CPA. Whipped to the ropes, Ned is picked up and FLUNG down with a Front Spinebuster! CPA stands over Blanchard and pins him down with one foot... 1... Kickout by Ned, who SPITS up at CPA, earning him an elbowdrop. "LET'S GO NED!" "LET'S GO NED!" "LET'S GO NED!" "LET'S GO NED!" CPA pulls Ned up by the hair, throwing him into the turnbuckles. He smashes Ned with a back elbow and then a second, leaving him hurt in the corner. With a smile on his face CPA walks to the opposite corner. And as the smile disappears, he runs at Ned with an Avalanche... THAT MISSES! CPA is winded and Ned starts to unload with right hands in the corner, before stomping CPA down and walking a hole of some description in his chest! COLE And Ned taking it to CPA, with a vengeance, look at this! Waving CPA back up, Ned delivers a clothesline in the corner. Pulling CPA out he then sets him up, looking for the Slingshot Suplex, but can't get CPA up. COACH Way too big. Ned tries again but CPA continues to block. Before suddenly picking Ned up in the suplex and throwing him forward, face-first to the mat! Holding his ribs, Ned is then laid out with a BIG boot to the face as he stands back up! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cover by CPA... 1... 2... Kickout! Climbing up, CPA watches as Ned struggles to his feet. Allen smirks and balls up his fist, coming off the ropes. As Ned turns around CPA throws the big Gigaton Punch... but MISSES! Ned catches onto CPA and pulls him down with a backslide! 1... 2... No! Ned grabs CPA's legs and tries for the Stungun, but a double sledge to the back fends him off. Coming off the ropes again, CPA is caught with a back elbow, cutting him off. Turning on his heels it's Ned off the ropes this time. CPA catches him and lifts him up for another Spinebuster, but Ned escapes as CPA had, with a double axe. As he lands Ned hooks CPA up again for the suplex and turns him towards the ropes. But suddenly, he collapses in a heap, his knee clipped at the side by CPA! COLE Oh, right to the knee and Ned is in a lot of pain! COACH Looks like Ned'll be ordering a new walking cane from Grandma's World tommorrow after all. In pain Ned rolls away from CPA, who gives him a helping nudge with the foot to get him to the corner. Which allows Uno to tag in. No concern to CPA, who watches Uno run in at him and casually raises a boot for him to run into! COLE Uno not learning from Ned's mistakes. CPA drags Uno back up, roughly putting him into a gutwrench and lifting him up for the DOMINATOR!!!! COACH Haha, wow. CPA just smushed Uno in about five seconds. Strolling to his corner, CPA surprises everybody by tagging out of the ring, including his partner. The bigman looks on from the arena floor and lights up a VICTORY CIGAR, in full view of Ned, who looks on in a heap on the ring apron. Meanwhile, J-MAX drags Uno's lifeless body towards the corner. Climbing to the top, the masked superstar sets himself and finishes Uno off with a SHOOTING STAR LEGDROP!!!! COLE Taking it to the MAX~! 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* With a satisfied puff of his cigar CPA turns and leaves, with J-MAX left to take the plaudits and have his hand raised. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners, advancing to the Battlebowl battle royal... CPA and J - MAX!!!!!!! J-MAX is cheered most of the crowd, those who aren't down the aisle and getting on CPA's case. Cursing up a storm Ned continues to clutch his knee, although the cursing seems more in anger than pain. COLE Two more qualify for next week in Chicago, J-MAX on a real roll and CPA, who's partner Detective Bosley is going to be there in the field too. Could that prove to be a difference maker? COACH I can't see how it won't. Bosley's the alpha male, the big dog, the hunter. And CPA, everyone's afraid of the big black man. But together, they're even more dangerous. And they don't even have to worry about pulling double duty, it's going to be four on three judging by the shape Ned's in right now! COLE Oh I think Ned will be ready for Chicago, don't worry about that. COACH Yeah, but in what shape?

Whatever KOAB/BUTT/Venk(?), enjoy the board you hate so much you HAD to join just because you were invited.

If you can't see that posting under two names, not being a dick under one of those names just to befriend people you clearly don't like, following those people to another board while claiming under your second name 'this board is better off without them', and your only explanation for this is a couple of people give you news over there so it's worth following the people I hate is slightly pathetic and that your Battlenuts posts ("youre all faggots") and Precious Roy ("hey, friends?") actions aren't somewhat contradictory, I don't know what to say. Oh yeah. Clearly, honestly and openness has been your motto from the word go. I feel so sorry for you.

Like the shit you've been saying and contradicting on? Come on. Months of quoting and analysing every word when someone confronts you and with all these quotes of yours that have been total bullshit and bravado and that's all you're going to say? Disappointing.

Who cares if it's relevant or not. It's just a message board. A place to discuss stuff. It's not important. Or were you lying when you typed that too? I just don't know what to believe anymore!

This is going to come as a blow to your self-esteem, but I didn't know you existed until you were one of the five posters left here and your awfulness was suddenly unescapeable.

By saying it how bad we are here, but posting with us perfectly congenially there. BOY YA SURE SHOWED US!

The ultimate irony!