King Cucaracha

Cena/Candice = Rock/Trish. Just incase we can't all tell how GREAT Cena is, the #1 diva swoons at his poop humour and well stocked merchandise section.

The only match on the whole card I'm interested in would be Orton/Dusty. Which says something.

Yeah, because his career would have been in just terrible shape if that had happened. As opposed to right now..... Uh, anyway, tonight to Lashley.

Wow. Good thing the Observer guys found a new angle on this tragedy. I was worried they might not get so many readers this week now the controversy is dying down, but... I mean, phew. We can all rest easy now. And good job Alvarez accidently plugged the Observer after their well-weighted, not taking any sides whatsoever 'Alvarez and Mero good, Finlay bad' appraisal of their TV appearance together.

Simon Singleton vs. Shayne Brave Faqu and James Blonde in action MORE?

OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Championships (ALL: The WHAT!?) The Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA © VS. Leon Rodez and D*LUX

And what is she supposed to do in the meantime?

Okay, I've been away all week so I reserve the right to be days late on this. John Morrison? Man, that name just screams 'generic indy guy' on paper.

I like how he also joined in on a Team Tree-Of-Woe corner dropkick with Dreamer, Spike, and Sandman against The Dudley Boyz and their posse that one event. ...or was that another ECW referee? Nope, that was Finnegan. Heatwave '98. EDIT: Wait, it may have been Jim Molineaux, who also once slapped and shoved the Dudley Boys when they argued a call. The ECW refs got involved in a ton of stuff. I forget the show but there was one with Molineaux and Finnegan hitting a double DDT on Jeff Jones for... some reason. I dunno, it was ECW, who needs a logical reason I guess.

This whole 'the NEW Christopher Daniels!' shtick is ridiculous too. He's got a fancy new logo painted on his face! So what? Is there anything 'new' about him besides that, because if so I haven't seen it. Well, he can play the hapless babyface in the build-up on Impact and end up getting the wins when the PPV blow-offs roll around. That tactic seems to have worked pretty well when they've actually used it. So long as it was done right, there's no reason he couldn't succeed in the X-Division. He'll never be a World Title contender obviously, but that's not neccessarily a bad thing.

Where Lesnar had the advantage is that he was working with some great workers for so long that he couldn't help but improve. There aren't that many top flight workers still in the company for Lashley to learn from through wrestling them. I'd agree with that. There's a reason why everybody (well, everyone on here I guess) remembers the feud with Finlay over anything else he's done in the company. There's enough wrestlers around to at least give him a base to work with, it's just that they don't seem to be paired with Lashley at all. It's not like he needs to be facing someone of Angle's calibre all the time either, just more experienced wrestlers. The match with Shelton a couple of weeks ago was a step up from his recent efforts. Big Show worked well for Lesnar, he was hardly 'top flight'. But of course, they stick him with McMahon for forever and now Cena of all people. Sigh.

D. La Parka

Lashley's clearly an awesome athlete, so there's potential there. He's still green as a pro wrestler by all accounts though, which is par for the course. But he's underrated. At least in my opinion. There's plenty of comparisons to be made with Lesnar and he won everybody over given the time and the opportunity. No reason why Lashley couldn't do the same.

Same reason they say it about Michaels and Triple H et all, reputation?

I know the internet is full of subtleties, but... you don't like Lashley much, do you? I mean, it's hard to tell.

I would watch RAW every week if that happened. Honestly.

Backstage, fresh from their victory a short while ago, The South Central Militia are in deep discussion over their plans for a celebration tonight. You know the deal, insert your favourite hip-hop lingo as and when. Anyway, The SCM come to an abrupt stop halfway down the hallway though. The sound of clapping is heard off screen as OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion Landon Maddix strolls in, backed up by Todd Cortez. MADDIX Hey guys, what's popping! Great win out there. In an effort to show he's serious, Landon mimics Vincent Santana's forearm strike motion. MADDIX Wouldn't wanna be on the end of that. Oh, this is my street-wise friend, Todd Cortez, I'm sure you've met. He'll be here to translate. Cortez gives the Militia a perfect "what the hell am I doing here look", a look Landon is surely used to by now. SANTANA Yo, what you needin' some cracka translatin' for? What we be sayin' is real as real gets. We shoot from the hip man. This here don't need no alterations. Quick as a flash, Landon turns to Cortez for the translation. Cortez groans. CORTEZ They said they don't need to be translated. MADDIX Oh. Well, we'll let me be the judge of that, shall we? Okay, so peep this. I've got the big contract-signing for AngleSlam later on tonight, for real. So, lemme throw crunk down real for ya, (finger quotes) [i]'dawgs'[/i], see word on the street is, PRL is going to have his Lightning Crew (finger quotes) [i]'suckas'[/i] out there with him. So, I got'sta get mah crew up in his biz-nitch, ya heard? After a confused look between them, The Militia turn to Cortez for the translation. CORTEZ He said..... I've no idea what he said. MADDIX I need you guys out there for the contract signing. You know, incase anyone tries a cheapshot on the Champ. SANTANA Ah. Why didn't'cha say so? MADDIX So, that's a yes? The SCM look at each other for a second. WALLACE Nah. MADDIX 'Nah'? WALLACE We got places to be, bitches to see. MADDIX Mad bitches? Moe nods. MADDIX Look, I'm sure you've got plenty of important business to tend to. But... well, we had an agreement, remember? SANTANA Yeah, had. Ai'ight, listen, you wanna drop some dough, we'll be there, long as ya'll can guarantee there'll be some asses needing kickin'. But, contract signings don't sound like the kinda scene me an' 'Cell can 'express ourselves' at, ya know. Formal gatherin's ain't what The South Central Militia are about. WALLACE Lemme be real clear so we don't need no translation up in here. We ain't got no loyalties to you or nobody, understand? You greased these pockets an' we did what you wanted, we took that punk bitch Malibu out. We took him out real good. But, we didn't waste that mu-fucker 'cause you and us are best buddies, naw. It's all about the cash dawg. We worship that almighty dollar, nothin' else. So long as the money's on the table, we'll kick whatever ass is in front of us. Listen, if Malibu turned around an' he gave us enough reasons to beat yo' punk ass into the ground, we'd be MORE than glad to oblige! Making a gun gesture with his hand and with a quick flick of the wrist in Landon's direction, Wallace seems to have freaked out the World Champion. Eyes wide, Landon begins to back away slowly, taking Cortez with him by the arm. MADDIX You know what... on second thoughts, I... I think I'll... be fine on my own. Anyway, great talking with you. We'll... we'll see you around. Stay fresh. Landon disappears, with Cortez in tow, the footsteps speeding up in the distance as The Militia watch on. WALLACE And they call [i]you[/i] Whitey?

BUFFER The following tag-team contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first... Rick Ross ft Akon and "Cross That Line" hits right on cue, bringing out The South Central Militia. The OAOAST's very own hired guns march out through the smoke clouded stage, Vincent Santana letting out a primal roar while at his side Marcellus Wallace flashes some gang signs. The duo make their way to the ring, the camera hovering towards the AngleTron, which now prominently features The Militia's recent attacks on one Zack Malibu. BUFFER On the way to the ring, hailing from South Central Los Angeles. Weighing in at a combined four hundred and sixty pounds... they are former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions... MARCELLUS "ONE EYE" WALLACE... VINCENT "WHITEY" FORD... THE SOUTH CENTRAL MILLLIIITTIIIIIAAAAAA!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Two equal opportunity ass-kicker right there. It doesn't matter who, it doesn't matter where, all that matters is how much they're getting to do it. Vinny and Moe enter the ring, the more mobile Santana sliding in and taking issue with Michael Buffer about something as One Eye makes a more leisurely entrance up the ring steps. The shortest reigning OAOAST Tag Team Champions in history forgoe the usual warm-ups and instead fire one another up. A shoving match between the two escalates into a nose to nose, before a fist-pump settles it down. "You say its urgent Make it fast, make it urgent Do it quick, do it urgent Gotta rush, make it urgent" In the meantime, Foreigner's "Urgent" plays, to a much warmer response from the Georgia faithful. Through the sliding entrance doors comes a wave of babyface cheer, thanks to Rescue 911! BUFFER And, their opponents. At a total combined weight of four hundred, eighty five pounds. Hailing from The OAOAST First Responders Unit... they are EMT TIM CASH and OFFICER TANGO BOSLEY... RESCUE 9... 1... 1!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Earlier in the week, Rescue 911 had these comments ahead of this match-up... [COLOR=orange][i]OAOAST[/i][/COLOR] A small square box SWOOPS~ in and settles on the upper right hand side of the picture. There, Officer Bosley and EMT Tim stand in front of a grey OAOAST backdrop. OFFICER BOSLEY Hey, this is Officer Tango Bosley here and this is my tag-team partner, EMT Tim Cash. Since coming to the OAOAST we've encountered many teams who fly in the face of the same three basic principles that we aim to live by. To serve the public's trust, protect the innocent, and uphold the law. The South Central Militia are one such team. In recent weeks, they have been carrying out attacks on an innocent superstar, Mr. Zack Malibu, for money. As an officer of the law, I don't look kindly upon those sort of actions. Be forewarned, all the ill-gotten money in the world cannot derail the wheels of justice. If you travel the highway of crime, sooner or later you must pay the toll. EMT TIM And remember, all you kids out there: crime doesn't pay. There's nothing more satisfying than making an honest living! [COLOR=orange][i]HELDDOWN~![/COLOR][/i] COACH 'Mr. Zack Malibu'? Jeez, somebody's pushing for a raise. COLE Come on now! *DINGDINGDING!* Back in the arena and Rescue 911 have long since finished their hand-slapping and baby-kissing tour of ringside and are ready to go. It'll be EMT Tim to start with Vincent Santana, the two more agile team-members. EMT Tim gets the crowd going early with some rhythmic clapping, which Vinny doesn't appreciate one bit. He tells the crowd to "", which surprisingly doesn't work. COLE This crowd sure to be on Rescue 911's side as always here on HeldDOWN~! A couple of fine upstanding young men, a real contrast to the 'hitmen for hire' they're facing tonight. COACH A few weeks ago, this guy was fighting over a signed picture of Leonardo DiCaprio. Who the hell is he to be casting aspersions on anyone!? COLE That's besides the point. Rescue 911 stand for all that's good in the world. COACH Please, they're a couple of do-gooders. Stinking do-gooders. What business is it of these two how Vinny and 'Cell earn a living? Finally we lock-up in the centre of the ring, Santana quickly taking the low road with a knee to the abdomen of the EMT. A clubbing shot to the back follows before Vinny turns to the crowd and lets out a cry of "SOUTH CENTRAL!" A rousing cry of "BOO!" fires right back at him, so he turns his attentions back to EMT Tim, looking for an irish whip. Reversal from Tim though and a BAAAAAACK bodydrop sends Vinny airborne! Popping right back to his feet it's clear Santana is feeling it as he clutches his back, leaving himself open for a dropkick. Again Vinny is quickly back up, but back down he quickly goes from a second dropkick, before EMT Tim makes a quick tag out. COLE Officer Bosley in, this guy is a real athlete. It seems the quick switch has confused Vincent Santana as he stumbles around the ring, looking for his opponent but finding instead a different type of opposition. The 265 pound Bosley scoops Santana up with ease and holds him, pausing for dramatic effect before SLAMMING Santana down! BOSLEY C'MOOONN! COLE Big scoop slam and the Officer is feeling good right about now! Bosley fires up the crowd before making a u-turn and running the ropes. Unfortunately for him though, he runs the same side Marcellus Wallace is patrolling and gets a knee to the small of the back for his troubles! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH You were saying? As Bosley stumbles out of the ropes, a quick lunging clothesline from Vinny puts him down. Vinny then crawls over to make the tag, bringing Wallace in while referee Mike Chioda is busy fending off the complaints from EMT Tim from the outside. Grinning from ear to ear, Wallace tells the EMT to "watch this" as he pulls Bosley to his feet, scooping and slamming the Officer with a similiar show of strength to the one he had shown moments earlier. Bosley nurses the kidneys as Wallace drops the big elbow and covers... 1... 2... No! Adjusting the black patch over his right eye, Wallace backs into a corner and just waits. Bosley is slower to his feet and already stretching out a hand, searching for a tag. Another knee low in the back cuts him off though. And the momentum of a 250 pounder charging him from behind sends Officer Bosley sprawling forwards, crashing hard into a neutral corner! COLE We've seen the damage these two men can do to the human ribcage in the past few weeks. Although, they don't have an 2x4s or lead-pipes in the ring with them... COACH They don't need them Michael. Sure, it's more fun with than without, but I'm sure they'll make do. Marcellus follows into the corner, turning the injured Bosley around and firing off with some Vader-esque bodyshots from the left and right sides. The referee tries in vain to get Marcellus to give a clean break, Bosley clawing forward in an attempt to get the break more forcefully. Eventually Moe does break. But as he gets admonished by referee Chioda for his slow forthcoming, it allows Vincent Santana to make an undetected break down the apron and clothesline Bosley just as he was coming out of the corner, to the destain of the Atlanta crowd! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Seeing Santana three quarters of the way down the apron, Chioda obviously has some questions to be asked. Vinny fends them off though, in his own unique style. COLE Well, I'm sure the FCC will have something to say about that language. And we apologise for that fans. Tag is made on the Militia side and the potty-mouthed Vincent Santana is back in. Vinny jumps on Bosley's back with a double stomp on his way over to EMT Tim, daring him to step into the ring. The law-abiding Tim manages to keep his composure for now, so Vinny goes back on the attack. Some more stomps to the back find the mark on Bosley, before he's dragged over to the ropes. Ducking out through the ropes, Vinny sets, slingshotting back in with the hílo, bringing his 210 pound frame down across the lower back of Officer Bosley. He has the sense to then follow up with a cover... 1... 2... But Bosley kicks out. Vinny's response? A blatant choke of course. "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Risking disqualification, Vinny breaks at the last possible moment before tagging his partner back in. Sensing his partner is in trouble, EMT Tim tries to rally the crowd, even as Marcellus plants his boot in the back of Bosley's head. "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" JOEY STYLES [i]SOMEBODY CALL 911~![/i] COLE Hey, get out of here! Marcellus grabs a chunk of the Officer's hair and drags him to his feet, earning yet another warning. Which yet again falls on deaf ears. A hard bodyshot puts Bosley on the ropes, Marcellus delighting in the pain of the Officer and daring the "pig" to "bring it!" Bosley tries to do just that, but after two right hands he gets abruptly cut off with a knee, before an uppercut lifts him off his feet and all the way over the top to the floor!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE WOW! COACH Well, according my notes Bosley was 6'5" coming in. We might need to double-check that now though! Making himself useful, Vinny Santana leaves the apron to collect Bosley from ringside. That doesn't go down to well with the referee either, but Vinny doesn't do any more than dump Bosley back inside, which isn't really grounds for a DQ. Using the ropes for help, Bosley reaches his feet... ...and walks right into a Bearhug!! COLE Wallace sinking in a Bearhug here. Slow, methodical, The South Central Militia are beginning to enjoy this now. COACH You bet they are. Bosley instantly sinks forward and it looks bleak for the enforcer of the law as 'Cell sinks the hold in deep. With his partner encouraging him to squeeze the life out of his opponent, Wallace tightens his grip around the waist, causing a shout of pain from Bosley. "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" "9 - 1 - 1!" Again the crowd are drummed into voice by EMT Tim though. And it seems to be working as Bosley's eyes widen, looking out into the crowd... AND THE FIST STARTS PUMPING!! COACH Uh-oh. COLE Oh yeah! Officer Bosley drawing on some reserve energy here! The fist keeps a-pumping as Bosley draws on the support of the thousands in attendance, finally summoning enough to drive that fist into Marcellus' head! Moe rocks back but keeps the bearhug applied. Another right hand rocks him, but again, no give in the hold. And infact Wallace tightens his grip, which seems to suck the life out of Bosley's comeback. For a moment that is, before Bosley suddenly raises up his arms and tries to slip them in between his body and Moe's! COLE Bosley trying to break this bearhug. And a guy who's put together like he is stands as good a chance as anyone of accomplishing it! With Wallace looking on with confusion, Bosley slips the arm in... and suddenly, the South Central native feels his hands begin to slip apart! Bosley then slips the second arm in between and suddenly Marcellus is struggling to keep any hold applied, as the Officer gets his arms underneath Wallace's and starts to lift his way up and out! Wallace is powerless to do anything about it and before he knows it the hold is broken, allowing Bosley to hit a desperation Inverted Atomic Drop before he energy level bottoms out!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Both men are down and the crowd are renewed in support of Bosley after his miraculous escape! COLE What a show of strength and determination from Officer Bosley! And now, can he make the tag he needs to EMT Tim? Crawling past each other, Bosley and Wallace both look for the tag to a fresh partner. 'One Eye' is moving with some discomfort after the inverted atomic drop but still manages to make it to the corner first, bringing Vincent Santana in. And Vinny zips into the ring, diving to cut off... ...THE TAG, Santana a second too late as here comes EMT Tim! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Yes! Tag is made, here comes the EMT! Back-tracking, Santana tries to get a run-up on a big clothesline. Tim ducks the line though and as Santana puts on the brakes, he gets caught in the back of the head with the heel of Tim Cash! COLE Backbrain heelkick, great agility there! In moves Marcellus Wallace, taking a dropkick that puts him through the ropes to the floor. EMT Tim is all fired up now and he pins Santana in the Rescue 911 corner, scaling to the middle floor... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" "TEN!" ...raining down the punches as the crowd count along in that finest of wrestling traditions. Leaping off the ropes Tim now whips Santana corner to corner, getting a full head of steam up and following in... NOBODY HOME! Vinny manages to scoot out of the corner and the EMT crashes hard into the turnbuckles. And to compound his misery, he finds himself right in the heart of South Central, as Marcellus climbs back up to the apron and hangs him over the top rope throat first! COLE From the outside, a hotshot from Wallace! Snapping back off the ropes, EMT Tim staggers around, right into a DIAMOND CUTTER from Santana! The cover... 1... 2... ...NO! Save by Officer Bosley! Despite still feeling his back, Bosley goes on the attack as Marcellus tries to get in the ring to even the odds. Bosley meets him with some shots over the back, raining down on Moe until Santana comes in from behind with a well-placed knee to the kidneys. Bosley is stopped in his tracks. Allowing Marcellus to extend the thumb and fire the SILVER BULLET right into the corroted artery! COACH Officer down! Officer down, HAHA! The South Central Militia turn their attentions back to EMT Tim as he struggles to his feet. A double whip sends him into the far ropes. And as he rebounds back, he gets cut down with a Spear from Wallace, just as Vinny comes off the ropes behind with the flying enhanced forearm!! COLE Jailbreak! This one is over. COACH And how! 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "Cross That Line" hits again as Wallace and Santana pump fists again, over the fallen body of EMT Tim. BUFFER Your winners of the contest, THE SOUTH CENTRAL MMIIIIIILLLLIIIIIIIITTIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAA!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE The SCM, isolating and destroying here tonight, first taking out Bosley and then hitting the Jailbreak. From there it was academic. COACH It was academic from the moment the bell rung Mikey. These two took out Zack Malibu, they were hardly gonna be troubled by the boys in uniform were they? This was just an "hors d'oeuvre" for the Militia. They've got their eyes set on plenty of bigger meal-tickets than this, trust me! With their work done for the night the Militia leave, leaving a behind them the fallen Officer and EMT. Vinny takes a glance back over his shoulder at the carnage and smiles to himself as we fade off.

I must have missed all that 'serious promise', all I remember is the same old Mark Henry is strong and he's gonna hurt people really slowly shtick he's been doing forever.

Is it sad that I'd like to go there, just to do the crazy Backlund look at the hands after I'd finished those wings? EDIT: Also, I'm sad at the lack of "tougher than a two dollar steak" references on that menu. Or "tougher than a government mule" obviously, but that runs the risk of false advertising.

Are we counting just the belts or the companies themselves? If it's just the belts, The Dudleyz, Tajiri and Rhyno all qualify.

That was the one that got me. It's clearly for the sake of the match with all the titles on the line, but to book that match they basically had to cut Jay Lethal off at the knees, which is my concern. When you luck upon a good thing, you have to capitalise on it. I'm in no doubt the Savage impersonator was meant to help Lethal's career, but I'm sure nobody in the company invisioned just how well it had worked. Lethal's done so fantastically to actually go beyond just being a comedy act and into someone fans genuinely want to see and for better or worse, one of the best things on the show week in and week out. And sure enough, the moment he gets the big win, he loses to Joe and his credibility just plummets to the point where he's right back to square one. Not to say 'Black Machismo' would have been the thing to carry TNA on, but it's the closest they've come to making a success out of someone since Eric Young. And they blew it.

I'm usually a long-reign person. In my PWG game, Johnny Jeter's been my HV Champion for six months now and Jack Evans my Jr. HV for five. But I've been screwed over so many times on my tag teams getting stolen from under my nose, so I've got through the 'last 10 reigns' in a year. Built up Shelley and Sabin before TNA took them permanently. Hero got taken by AAA before KOW could win them. I built up Joey Ryan and Scorpio Sky and gave them the titles, only to see them get signed to written contracts the week their big feud finished. I also put Claudio Castagnoli over in the big yearly tournament ready to give him the HV Title and boom, a new national promotion springs up and it's bye bye Claudio (and Cabana).

The Wii is supposed to be a more 'arcadey' sort of console though. Marketing wise, it's obviously targetting people who aren't neecessarily diehard gamers, so I doubt Nintendo would feel a true® to life wrestling sim would be what most people who own a Wii want.

The "1, 2, dive on your face and not even look like you're attempting to make the three count" has taken me completely out of tons of matches in the past. It's one thing for wrestlers to telegraph kickouts, but Hebner does it ALL the time. And when he's in with someone like Angle or Jericho or Rock who kicks late, more often than not he's already diving for the 'two and three quarters' before the person being pinned has so much as moved. I second Bryce Remsburg. Then again, I'm bias.