King Cucaracha

Except when Rock done it, it was either a- funny in some way or b- not an impression of The Rock which he was unable to pull off, so at least original. Turning Lashley is the natural next step. I've been pushing it for forever. Remember how everybody wanted Lesnar canned because he had 'no charisma' and was generic, until his heel turn. Remember the same thing with Cena? Remember the same thing with Orton? Remember the same thing with Rocky Maivia? See a pattern? I'm not saying Lashley's going to become a star all of a sudden. But if he does have any superstar quality, turning heel is the only way it's going to come out.

Patty's going to be doing something to merge the OAOAST and HI-YAH Tag Titles, into the One And Only Tag Titles. So I'm sure there's a way you could fit in the WDW Tag Titles into that. Not sure when it's happening though. Probably best to PM Patty.

Okay, nevermind, just read the General Discussion thread.

I thought the idea being fed around was HHH/Orton at Summerslam?

There's no way they can have Punk making a huge deal out of being Straight Edge at the moment, without it seeming like they're sending a message regarding Benoit, which is exactly the opposite of what they're trying to do (ie. not draw attention to it.) Punk doesn't need the title right now.

Who are the announcers, and why do they suck? One is Wally (?) Yamaguchi, aka Yamaguchi-san from WWF Kaientai fame. Not sure of the other.

Good luck this week Jay. Look forward to listening to the archive once I get around to downloading it.

Who is Festus? Was that a vignette, cause I didn't see any vignette in my rls of SD? Just before returning they had a bit of two wrestlers announcing their arrival on Smackdown. Festus bascially had a Lenny from Of Mice & Men thing going (sans the talk about rabbits and living off of the fat of the land) just a slow, mute fellow, essentially Kane as he was first introduced. Aren't these the guys who already debuted on Smackdown, asked Teddy Long for a match, were promised one the next week and were never to be seen again (until apparantly this week)?

Not as shocking as it was going to be. Anyway, seeing as somebody needs to comment: Uhm, actually it looks like it was just me, Zack and Patty this week. So I guess I could have just PMed Patty. Ah well. Maya's pretty intelligent for a 7 year old. Pretty really intelligent. Like some sort of child-genius. Finally, D*LUX being cheesy boybanders pays off as we see they have merchandise and a fan club, populated by young children. And Abdullah gets a match! A star-studded HeldDOWN~!, with Abdullah Nerdly, Biff Atlas and EMT Tim in action! Uh, I think I know where this Abdullah thing might be going and what it might be in lieu of. And all I can say is it's probably going to get worse from here on. Oh, and yay me! It's been three days and still no OAOKCT? For shame. Now, everyone else's turn.

At least he didn't do the Crossface, all things considered. Seriously though, that is just... odd. I'm not one of the many on the 'always crap on Orton' bandwagon, but I'm not sure why he would need to actually do this, obviously to 'send a message to Chris' symbolically, before asking 'why'... I dunno. Just, really weird. I too hope it wasn't anything other than Randy thinking this was the way to do things and maybe not realising what it might look like.

This is the only NOAH event I own and you're pretty much right. The undercard is entirely forgettable aside from maybe the six-man tag with the Europeans (Ares, Nigel and Doug). Although that may just be my bias talking. The main-event is fantastic though, Marufuji pretty much moonsaulting throat-first onto the guardrail and carrying on gave it a real 'epic' main-event feel I feel. Seeing as this is NOAH discussion and it doesn't really warrant a thread, what's the latest on Kenta Kobashi? His condition, his future as a wrestler, whatever. Haven't heard anything about him for the longest time.

I assume this wasn't a deliberate insult. But, thanks all the same. EDIT: You know what, it's not worth the hassle.

As a matter of fact, I keep track of that as well. I can post it up later if need be. To answer your question, it's actually me ([Muzz]No wonder he keeps track of them[/Muzz]) now with 14. Johnny's got 13. Then WC 12, Flesher 11. That's only going on characters though, somebody might have more as a writer if they've had more than one character.

I wish that wasn't Justice's only contribution to the fed. Just one of them.

She seems sincere, of course. But the fact is, she was presumably brought onto whatever show it was to talk about the tragedy with the Benoit family. Her sole contribution to the first interview, as far as I've read transcribed, was to steer every question right back to Austin, who let's face it was in the wrong for attacking her but has NOTHING to do with the deaths of the Benoit family. So she was 'pushing her own agenda', intentionally or not. Again, obviously I haven't seen the interview so maybe it's not my place to comment. But from the transcriptions I've read, the only time she really mentioned the Benoit family was "oh, if only I had said something about Steve, then maybe I could have saved them." Also, as far as the steroid issue goes, whether it was a contributing factor or not (and I'd say it was a minor one at worst), if it happens that media pressure gets WWE to change their ways with steroids, it can only be a good thing for the business and the people in it. The fact the media are so alarmist over steroids isn't surprising. It's not right. But there may be a silver lining IF it does lead to a reform. And to all the people blasting the Wellness Policy and their treatment of Masters, it amuses me how many of you were probably bashing Triple H for being 'fat' when he evidently came off the roids. Two way street.

Somebody asked earlier and I didn't see anything really posted about it since then. So, does anyone know what the reaction has been like in Japan at all?

As we return to HeldDOWN~!, the world's foremost (and pretty much only) song chronicalling the suffering of the third world "The Earth Song" by Michael Jackson is playing and wrestling's foremost (and definately only) environmental activist BIFF ATLAS is in the ring! With the song already about three minutes in, Biff finally gives the cue to the back to cut the music. COLE Biff Atlas, back on HeldDOWN~! And apparantly with something to say. BIFF Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Biff Atlas. And since you last saw me here on HeldDOWN~! I have embarked on a spiritual journey the likes of which most human-beings do not have the privledge of experiencing. Three weeks ago, I travelled to the Amazon and trekked through the rainforests, to get in touch with Mother Nature. It was a deeply humbling experience. And one which may not be possible in years to come, due to the threat of Global Warming. You see, the sights I saw are all too rare now. And when I thought about the plants I had passed, the creatures I had shared my surroundings with, the land in which my bare feet rested, it seemed all too soon that my private jet touched down in western civilisation again. As the crowd mull over the irony of Biff's last sentence and the fact a notorious OAOAST jobber can apparantly afford a private jet in the first place, Biff asks for some hush. BIFF But I will never forget my experience in the Amazon. It had only served to strengthen my resolve in changing the world and warning the wrestling community about climate change. Which is why on my return to the OAOAST, I am going to show you all what spiritual enlightenment and social conscience can do for a person. Namely, me. So tonight, I need an opponent. I'm issuing an Open Challenge to anyone in the back who thinks they can defeat Bono's Favourite Wrestler... COLE :huh: BIFF ...to come on out. Oh, and of course, it wouldn't be much of a challenge if there weren't a prize at stake. So, tonight, to anyone in the back, if you can defeat me you will win this... Biff reaches into the back of his tights and pulls out a glossy piece of paper, to GROANS from the crowd. BIFF ...this genuine, autographed pictue of Hollywood's most environment conscious star, Leonardo DiCaprio!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Sit down Michael! COLE I am sitting down you moron! As Biff hands the 'prize' to referee Charles Robinson who was unlucky enough to have passed Biff and the back and be dragged out to the ring with him, we wait to see if anyone will actually accept the challenge. Biff turns to the entrance way and waves somedbody, anybody on. And the lure of that autographed picture eventually proves too much... "You say its urgent Make it fast, make it urgent Do it quick, do it urgent Gotta rush, make it urgent" ...as "Urgent" by Foreigner hits, bringing out the man from The OAOAST First Responders Unit, EMT Tim! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest for the possession of... the autographed photo of Leonardo DiCaprio... set for one fall. On the way to the ring, the challenger. From the OAOAST First Responders Unit, weighing two hundred, twenty pounds... one half of RESCUE 911... EMT TIM CCAAAAAASSSSSSHHHHHHHH!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" BUFFER And, in the ring, from Venice Beach, California. Also at two hundred, twenty pounds, he is BIFF AAAAAATTLLLAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSS!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Well, it looks like we have a challenger... COACH Now, hold up just a darn second here. Why the hell would a grown man, besides you of course, want an autographed picture of Leonardo DiCaprio? Better yet, why would a grown man actually fight over the possession of said photo. I mean, if he won it in a raffle, okay fair enough. But come on! COLE I'm not quite sure what you're trying to suggest about our friend from Rescue 911, but drop it. As Tim sets aside his medical bag, we are ready to go. The autographed photo is placed safely at ringside as EMT Tim tries to get the crowd going with some clapping. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and the two men circle. A lock-up finds an easy winner as Biff shoves Tim away, drawing a large circle with his hands, that large circle being 'Earth' of course. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH Are these idiots seriously booing [i]the Earth[/i]!? COLE Sounds like it. Not letting the power display of his opponent get to him Tim tries another lock-up. This time proves more of a struggle, before Tim takes Biff over with a sudden armdrag! Biff scrambles to his feet and runs into a second armdrag. And to his feet again, a hiptoss awaits Atlas, who decides to do some energy conservation to himself by sliding out of the ring. Fired up, EMT Tim pumps his fists. COACH I still don't get it. If this guy is so fired up about winning that picture, then I have to call into question his manhood right here and now. COLE Why? For all we know, Mr. Cash might well donate the picture to charity if he won. Rescue 911 reknowned for their charitable contributions to the community. Biff works out the kinks in his arm before re-entering the ring. Another lock-up is offered by Tim and it looks to be taken... until a surprise knee catches him in the stomach. Biff goes to work with forearms to the back, working the EMT over before attempting an irish whip. A reversal by Tim sends Biff for the ride, but he ducks his head too early and Biff puts on the brakes, powering his opponent up and over with a vertical suplex! Cover... 1... 2... No. Dragging Tim back up, Biff backs him into a corner and ignores the warnings from referee Robinson as he clubs him in the chest with an overhand forearm! And another! Shooing Robinson out of the way Biff then whips Tim across the ring, looking to follow in with a clothesline. But EMT Tim goes up and over, schoolboying Biff as he lands... 1... 2... Kickout! A wild clothesline from Tim misses the mark and Biff shoves him in the back, sending Tim chest-first into the turnbuckles! COLE Wow, that'll knock the wind out of you! COACH Somebody get the defib... the defibu... ya know, the shocky thing. COLE Well put. As EMT Tim slumps in the turnbuckles Biff picks out one young child in the front row giving him the thumbs down, telling him to "always recycle" rather than chastise him for booing him. Biff then pulls Tim out of the corner, crushing him with a Side Belly To Belly Suplex! 1... 2... No! While Tim takes his time getting back to his feet, still clearly struggling to get his breath back, Atlas goes to the middle rope. Measuring his EMT opponent, the environmental activist then comes down from above with a big double axehandle, right to the back of the head! COLE Biff certainly looking impressive so far. Maybe this newfound love for the planet has woken some sort of passion inside of him, the kind of passion that could lead him to success inside the squared circle. COACH He's a man on a mission Mikey. Biff applies a gutwrench to Tim as he tries to get back up. Lifting Tim first to his feet, a quick deadlift from the former bodybuilder then takes the EMT up and over his shoulder, looking for the Greenhouse Effect (Canadian Backbreaker)! However Tim senses trouble and begins to fight it. Unable to lock his fingers, Biff loses Tim over his shoulder. And landing safely behind Biff, EMT Tim whips his leg around, catching him in the back of the head with a Backbrain Wheelkick, Owen Hart style! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Big knockdown from Tim! Both men are down and referee Robinson starts his count. It's Tim up to his feet first, drawing on the support of the crowd and clenching his fist. Biff isn't far behind him, but looks staggered as he reaches his feet. He walks around, aimlessly, turning right into a right hand from Tim! Another right! A third! Four, five, six big right hands before Tim loads Atlas up and sends him skywards with a BAAAAAACK bodydrop! COLE And this crowd in Indiannapolis getting behind EMT Tim! COACH I'm sure he'd love that. Well, from at least half the audience. Biff doesn't have much time to nurse his injuries as EMT Tim sends him for another irish whip ride. This time he extends the arm, catching Biff on the way back for his patented sleeper hold... ...but Biff turns into it, countering with a big back suplex! "OOOOHHHHHH!" COLE But just like that, the climate of this match changes. COACH That's horrible. You're horrible. Just horrible. "HI - PPY!" "HI - PPY!" "HI - PPY!" "HI - PPY!" The crowd get on the case of Biff as he pulls himself up on the ropes, backing his way into one corner of the ring and encouraging his opponent to get back up. Gallantly, EMT Tim tries to do just that, holding the back of his head. As he turns around in search of his opponent, out of the corner charges Biff, head down, absolutely MOWING DOWN EMT with a huge tackle that takes the EMT clean off his feet and about three feet back where he came from. COACH GORE! GORE! The Al GOORREE!! COLE The WHAT!? After hitting the "The Al GOORREE!!", Biff scrambles on tim of Tim, hooking the leg... 1... 2... NO! COLE Give Tim credit, showing a lot of heart here. COACH Again, all over a picture of a Hollywood pin-up. A [i]male[/i] Hollywood pin-up. I guess that explains the uniform. Surprised that his tribute to the foremost authority on climate change didn't earn him the victory, Biff decides to go for broke. Scoop and a slam puts Tim in position. Turning to the crowd, Atlas signals that it's over and gives the call for the "EARTHSAULT!" COLE Well, Biff batting well below .500 when it comes to high-risk manouevers in his career. But you can't fault his persistance. Scaling the turnbuckles with his back to the ring, Biff looks through his legs to check that Tim is still there while he steadies himself. Once set, he then backflips, soaring through the air with impressive form on the Earthsault... *WHAM!* ...AND CRASHING TO THE CANVAS! NOBODY HOME! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Biff gets up holding his gut and EMT Tim dives at him, Running The Lights with the Hart Attack clothesline! Hook of the leg by Tim, signed picture of Leonardo DiCaprio on the line! 1... 2... NO! Distraught, EMT Tim checks the count before he pulls Biff back up again. COACH I'm tellin' ya, that boy ain't right. Applying a front facelock, Tim tries to set Biff up for maybe a DDT. Maybe being the key word there, as he gets rammed backwards into the turnbuckles! With the wind knocked out of him, Tim then gets backdropped by Biff, right into the centre of the ring. EMT Tim is struggling now and realising it, Atlas again signals for the end. Wisely he doesn't try any high-risk moves this time though. Instead, he lifts Tim up into a fireman's carry. COLE Uh-oh, if Biff hits this, it'll be over. Carrying Tim around for a second, Biff picks his spot before turning the EMT out in front and SPIKING him down with the INCONVENIENT TRUTH! Leg hooked, the count... 1... 2... and 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And sure enough, Biff Atlas with An Inconvenient Truth, formerly the Bad Hair Day, still a bad ride and an even worse landing! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner... BIIIFFFFFFF AAAAAAAATTLLLLAAAAAAASSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Biff's arm is raised in victory, which is momentous in and of itself. As EMT Tim is left to curse the missed opportunity of owning a piece of Hollywood memorabilia, Atlas is given back his hula skirt and the signed picture, both of which he raises as tokens of victory. COLE So Biff Atlas your winner here on HeldDOWN~! I'm not 100% sure what this open challenge was supposed to prove, but it at least proved that Biff is beginning to adapt to life as a singles competitor. COACH You were right the first time Cole. This match raises so many more questions than it gave answers. COLE In any even, we've got more on the way, stay tuned to HeldDOWN~!

Jesus. I scanned the board earlier and saw the headline for the thread about Nancy in General Wrestling. I come up on the board today and see this... that was a chilling second or so And to see all this now, man what a tragedy. In so many ways.

In the honeymoon suite of their luxury hotel (assuming Northern Ireland has them of course), there's plenty of tension in the room of our erstwhile Commissioner and his 'first lady'. The air is hot. Sweat is being shed. And low moans can be heard... as Thomas M. Flesher muses over his cards. Yes, they're playing poker. Obviously. With a wry smile on his face, Tom surveys his hand and pushes a heap of chips into the centre of the table. Allison, who judging from her attire isn't faring to well in this game of what seems to be strip poker, just looks confused. With Tom looking at her intently though, she pushes a few chips in herself, against her better judgment. Much to Tom's frustration, it's at this point that his phone decides to start vibrating. Obedient as ever, Allison answers it and it doesn't take long for her face to drop as some muffled noise can he heard. As Tom pours himself a little more drink he looks at Allison inquisitively, to which she simply mouths one word. 'Landon'. "Oh jeez." Tom sets down his drink. "Tell you what, put him on speakerphone." Allison, after a little explanation to Landon of course, does just that. "Hello?" "Tom Flesher's office." "Tom, it's Landon. We need to talk about this week and what you've got me doing for the show." "Don't tell me, you can't make it. What is it... missed flight? Sudden illness? Snakebite? Piano recital? Don't be shy, I've heard them all." "No, no, it's not that. It's just that... well, apparantly, you've got me booked against Jimmy The Doom and I just wanted to check that this was right. And... you know, final. Because I'm really not..." "You heard right Landon." Tom smiles, causing some murmurs on the other end of the phone. "You and Jimmy, one on one. For the belt no less. I pulled a few strings for you, just to show there's no hard feelings between us. Strictly a business disagreement." "Yeah... see, uhm, I'm not... I'm not sure I understand what I've done to warrant a Hardcore Title shot. I don't fell comfortable. You know, because there's so many other people more qualified than me? Yeah?" "Judging by my calendar, Jimmy's held the belt for a full year now. 365 days and counting. That's unprecedented, an amazing accomplishment. But it poses a problem from a booking standpoint, because Jimmy's gone through the entire division in the space of that year. He's virtually unstoppable. Familiarity breeds contempt. And to stop the fans from getting tired of Jimmy, he needs some new challengers. So, it just so happens, you're a fresh challenger. And, you just happen to have an 'open schedule' currently. It's a natural solution." "Okay. But, I still don't..." "You're not grateful for the opportunity of a title-shot? Bearing in mind our little conversation last week?" "Uhm, what is 'No'?" "..." "Look, Tom, I'm not a hardcore wrestler. I've never been a hardcore wrestler. I've never had any real desire to be a hardcore wrestler!" "Nonsense!" Tom smirks. "Come on Landon. Just think about everything you've done in the past. Cage Matches. Ladder Matches. Tables Matches. TLC Matches. Boiler Room Brawls. Bible On A Pole Matches. Office Brawls. Casino Brawls. That 'Mouse Trap Match' with Annie..." "Oh God, don't remind me." "I know. But look, the point is, your track record speaks for itself. You might not be a hardcore wrestler in name, per se, but you're a hardcore wrestler in practise. If nothing else, you can take one HELL of a beating. And I'm pretty confident that's what our fans want to see in the Hardcore Division. I know that's what I'd like to see." "...I'm sorry, I didn't hear that last bit. The reception on this piece of junk stinks." "Oh, it's not important." Tom chuckles, before getting serious suddenly. "Hey, you realise Nokia are trying to work out a sponsorship deal with us, right?" "...what? Seriously Tom, this Nokia your guys in marketing gave me... piece of shi... hello? Can you still hear me? Hello?" "Yes I can still hear you." sighs Tom, as he visualises thousands of dollars of sponsorship money going down the drain. "Look, I realise you want me out of the World Title picture. I get that. But, do you seriously have to go and stick me in the Hardcore Division? It didn't work when Bruce was the champ, it didn't work when Van Siclen was champ... hell, Jimmy beat me not that long ago! Why couldn't you have at least stuck me with the Cruiserweight Division if you had to punish me?" "Well, it doesn't sound like much of a punishment if you're asking for it now, does it. C'mon Landon, play the game. Besides, it's probably going to be good practise for you, considering the path you're going down." "Uh... what's that supposed to mean?" "Oh, nothing." "What does you mean the path I'm going down?" "No... Landon, I'm sorry, you're breaking up on me." "If you're planning something..." "All... all I hear is static... hello? Hello!?" "Come on Tom, can't we work somethi..." Tom ends the call with a flourishing whip of the hand, smirking to himself as he grabs his glass of bourbon again. "I knew this'd be fun. So, what have you got?"

BUFFER The following six-person, intergender tag team contest is scheduled for one fall! "You break the laws You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Come on come on, lovin' for the money Come on come on, listen to the Money talk Money talks" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "Money Talks" by AC/DC rocks through the Verizon Center as a sea of bodies emerge onto the patriotic stage. Leading the way come Mackenzie DeCenzo and the solemn-as-ever Jade Rodez, Mackenzie making all the grand gestures to flaunt the entrance of the first member of the team, Christian Wright. The Natural stops for a moment, setting down his briefcase in order to straighten out his tie and jacket before continuing on his way with Mackenzie. Close behind is Simon Singleton, lugging along his 'Siclopse' video camera and tripod and beaming from ear to ear for some reason, in spite of the boos and insults thrown his way from below. And bringing up the rear comes the muscle, Christopher Patrick Allen, carrying his 6-Man Tag Team Title belt in his hand. BUFFER One the way to the ring are team number one, representing THE ENTERPRISE! Accompanied to the ring by The Chief Financial Officer of The Enterprise, MACKENZIE DECENZO... and, Ms. JADE RODEZ. (crowd boos) First, they comprise two of the three thirds of the OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions! From 'The Collection Agency', he weighs two hundred, eighty pounds... CHRISTOPHER PATRICK AAAALLLEEEEEENN!! His partner, hailing from Beverly Hills, California. Two hundred, twenty five pounds... this is "THE VIDEO VOYEUR", one half of the Beverly Hills Blonds, SIMON SSSIIIIIIINNGGLLEEETTOOOONN!! And, rounding out the team. Now residing in Washington, DC... *cheap pop* BUFFER ...but, [i]originally[/i] from Raleigh, North Carolina... *cheap heel heat!* BUFFER ...he is The Financial Analyst for The Enterprise. Weighing in at 8 1/3 bars of gold! He is "THE NATURAL"... CHRISTIAN... WWWRRRRIIIIIIIGGHHHTT!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Enterprise trio have made their way into the ring by now, watched on by the Siclopse which takes pride of place on the rampway. COLE Two-thirds of the 6-Man Tag Team Champions, conveniently enough missing the third member of their team for tonight. This match was originally scheduled to be Krista Isadora Duncan and D*LUX challenging for the titles against The Beverly Hills Blonds and CPA. However, some political 'manouevering' from Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker got the line-up changed a couple of weeks ago, so this will be a non-title match. But, plenty of history to this match nonetheless. Especially after what we saw just last week... [QUOTE=LAST THURSDAY ON HELDDOWN~!] Snarling in primal rage, Krissy springs forward with weapon raised to level the fatal blow. Unfortunately, while the blow may prove devastating, it's harsh affects won't be felt by Simon. Rather it's Jade Rodez, apparently hit by Krista's back swing, who emits chilling roars of torture as she falls into the canvas. Bright blond hair spills in front of her bonelessly limp body, shielding the terrible damage Krista's inadvertent attack must've caused from the camera. The fans, previously enraptured by Krista's femme fatale antics, are deadly silent at the sight of Jade's wounded condition. COLE Oh god. I..I..think...Jade getting struck right in the head with that field hockey stick.... COACH That's the second week in a row these morons., who think they're operating in Jade's best interest, have let their temper get the best of them, and she gets hurt because of it. Way to go! Krista is overcome by an immeasurable amount of sorrow and guilt. Distraught tears well in the corner of her blue eyes, as she observes the horrific damage she's brought onto her former protege. She drops to her knees, frantically using her decent medical knowledge to try and will Jade back to health. Her usually sarcastic mouth now pours out river of apologies and regrets towards her lost friend. In her moment of greatest weakness, the serpent bites the hardest. The impact of Wright's chair shot against her back is a blast of white fire. A few seconds later there is another impact against her back, that is the guard rail, and the room turns upside down, and she falls towards the ceiling, but not really, of course: it simply feels that way because Wright has thrown her over the guard rail and she's falling head first to the floor, and neither her arms nor legs seem to want to make the landing easy on her. Thus she splats on the floor, the considerable pain in her body, preventing her from noticing that through the bars, Jade is rising to her feet, looking as though the catastrophic accident never occurred. COLE Wait a second... While Cole may like to pontificate over Jade's quick recovery, he's forced to pay attention towards an outraged Shayne Brave sinking his hooks into Krista's assailant with a piggyback sleeper. Yet his act of retribution doesn't last long, before the suddenly proactive Jade pulls him off her stable mate. Brave is left in a state of disbelief over her defense of Wright, and demands that she comes to her senses and leave these “animals to their cages”. Whatever her answer to his order is, he's not conscious to hear it as CPA and Singleton decimate him with a double lariat. Their limbs cross at his throat, sniping him like scissors, and letting him casually sink to the mat like a discarded piece of paper. “BOOOOOO!” Security floods the scene of the crime, wishing to avoid a repeat of last week. Thankfully, The Enterprise retreats without hassle, walking up the ramp with hands raised, and mouthes smiling. Even Jade looks pleased with her role in the proceedings, and shows little signs of injury or affliction.[/QUOTE] We cut back to live action, directly to Jade Rodez, who stares down the aisle with an almost vacant expression. COLE And, I still cannot believe the temerity of that young girl. To exploit what happened to her two weeks ago with her brother in that way was downright wrong. Whatever sympathy she held before, she really threw back in everyone's faces. COACH Now, hold up a second. I've done my job as a broadcast journalist, instead of just jumping to conclusions and I actually talked to Mr. Moneymaker earlier today. He told me that there's no suggestion that Jade was 'faking' anything on Thursday night. Jade was checked out by Mr. Moneymaker's personal doctor that night and he diagnosed a stress-related mental condition. The moment Jade saw that hockey stick coming at her, she had a flashback to that dreadful moment her own brother tried to decapitate her with a chair on live TV, she blacked out, fainted. She's in a very fragile condition. So, ease up cous'. COLE Obviously, she's not in a bad enough condition to miss being at ringside tonight. COACH It's what you sappy commentators call 'heart' Mikey. And she's got PLENTY of it. COLE Yeah, I think I overheard Ned saying something along those lines about her the other day. As the song you're most likely to hear if you turn your radio on right now, even if it's tuned to some sort of classical music station or something, "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 plays, the fans erupt as D*LUX make their way out onto the stage. Shayne finds the time to salute the mass of D*LUX fans on his side of the stage, Tyler very much focused on the ring and on the duo's former leader Jade Rodez. The two, clad in special, red white and blue died denim jeans (well, I guess they're blue to start with. But, you get the point) try to fire each other up as they walk to the ring. They don't make it far though, before "Nighttime" by Britt Black hits. COLE Nevermind Jade, you might want to put Mackenzie on the watchlist as far as fainting goes when this next competitor comes out! So to speak. Why one half of the OAOAST Tag Team Champions has [i]singles[/i] theme music is anyone's guess. But she does and here she comes, Krista Isadora Dunca, to a BOOMING response from the crowd! Krista's appearance certainly seems to perk up D*LUX who stop and applaud their partner as a golden pyro wall explodes across the length of the stage. After it evaporates, Krista emerges and downs a swig of hard liquor. Upon finishing, she slams the empty bottle onto the stage and walks towards the ring. BUFFER And, the opponents! First, total combined weight, three hundred eighty two pounds... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... they are D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! And their tag-team partner. Hailing from Los Angeles, California. She is a best selling author and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos! The Queen Of Sting! The Devil In It's Most Beautiful Form! The Ambassador of Kick Your Ass-ador! She is "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KKRRIIIIISSTTAAAA ISADORA... DDUUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" D*LUX glide past the Siclopse in their way and enter the ring, the referee who drew the short straw for this one Mike Chioda pleading with them to wait for the bell as they come in with fists clenched. Behind them, Krista doesn't glide. She doesn't so much as take a step either side. Krista just walks through the Siclopse as if it weren't there. As the tripod goes flying to the ramp and then off of it to the arena floor for good measure, Simon holds his head in his hands. The Enterprise quickly bail out with Krista on the warpath, Simon bemoaning the fact he forgot to keep up his insurance payments as he rushes over to where his Siclopse lies. COACH It's a good job Krista's familiar enough with her attorney to have him on speed-dial, because that's a lawsuit right there! COLE Actually, Krista's lawyer happens to be female. COACH HAHA! Yeah, good one! A female lawyer? What next, a female politician!? A male chef? Come on Michael, you can't kid a kidder, you can't ball a balla, I ain't falling for that line! As The Enterprise discuss strategy on the outside, the strategy in the ring is clear. Krista wants to start, D*LUX ain't gonna argue. So out to the apron they go, leaving Miss California to cordially invite one of her opponents to "collect the two testicles you have between you and get in the ring!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" Eventually, dragging himself away from the wreckage of his camera, Simon Singleton collects those testicles (or, perhaps not) and slides into the ring ready to start the match... ...before immediately ducking his head through the ropes as Krista approaches, [i]not[/i] ready to start the match. Referee Chioda does his job and moves the volatile Miss Duncan back. Which is the opportunity for Simon to duck back in and cheapshot Krista with a forearm to the face! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And the first cheapshot of the match comes with the clock at 0:00. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and already Krista is on the backfoot, to the amusement of all in the Enterprise camp. Except Jade I guess, who shows no emotion either way. With Krista checking her face is in tact Simon points to his temple, to show the world he has the brains. Simon then takes KID by the arm and looks to send her into the ropes with an irish whip. A reversal of fortunes sends Singleton in the ropes though. Up and over goes Krista with the leapfrog and as the Video Voyeur puts on the brakes to avoid a collision with Tyler Bryant who has moved down the apron, he wheels around... ...inverted atomic drop... *SMACK!* ...and a Superkick, Simon left sprawled out into the centre of the ring after experiencing Krista's Great California Adventure! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Early tag is made, Krista bringing in "Showtime" Shayne. It soon becomes apparant why Krista got out so quickly as she pulls her compact mirror out and checks her features once she's on the apron. Meanwhile, Shayne goes running down the apron and scales the turnbuckles. Still shaken up from the Superkick, up to his feet staggers Simon. Around staggers Simon. And into a big Flying Crossbody staggers Simon... 1... 2... No. Still staggering, a clothesline might not have been the best move for Simon to attempt just yet. His wild attempt is ducked and countered by Shayne, catching and wringing out the arm before making the tag to Tyler Bryant! Up top heads Tyler, ignoring the view down Krista's red Obey™ tank top just long enough to drop the double sledge across Simon's out-stretched arm. COLE D*LUX, the tag team specialists. And although The Enterprise are a unit, it's fair to say this trio is somewhat of a 'makeshift' unit. COACH All motivated by the same thing though, money. COLE Well, D*LUX and Krista are all motivated by the same thing as well, that being revenge. Taking over where his partner left off, Tyler wrings out the arm. A blind tag is made and Shayne is now legal again, which prompts Christian to start his own five count to show the referee how it should be done. His five count of course doesn't matter and the boybanders play to the referee's rules as Tyler backs Simon into the ropes, armdragging him out. As Simon rolls through to his feet, he then walks right into the now legal member of D*LUX, as Tyler slingshots his own partner into the ring, Shayne catching the arm and bringing Singleton over with a (very) modified armdrag! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Shayne and Tyler high-five, Tyler offering the same opportunity to Krista. Showing her superior smarts, KID distracts the youthful boybander by pointing behind him. And by the time he's realised that Krista was pointing at nothing more than a pudgy woman in a Zack Malibu shirt, which makes her one of many and therefore nothing special, Krista has already waltzed down the apron admiring the craft and manufacture of the ring-ropes. COACH Son, you just got straight burned. Get used to it. No high-fives are being exchanged in the ring meanwhile, as Singleton has managed to turn the tide of the match, eye-raking his way out of another arm-wringer. Quickly Simon gets across to his corner, making the tag to a fresh man, Christian Wright. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Wright comes in full of confidence and charges... ...into an armdrag. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" COACH C'mon, what is this Mexico? Enough with the armdrags already. Hanging onto the arm, Shayne points to Krista and asks if the crowd want to see Miss California back in the match. Predictably, the result is unanimous. Krista accepts the tag and CW's eyes bug open in fear as his tormentor for so many years steps in, ignoring the armwork D*LUX have been using and just punting Wright in the ribs with a white Addias snow boot. COLE Well here we go. If there's one consolation for Christian Wright, it's that Krista has only had three days to stew over what happened on HeldDOWN~! Not much of a consolation, but it's something I guess. Wright retreats from Krista and begs for forgiveness for so many sins. Does he not realise he's facing Krista Isadora Duncan? Evidently not. Krista follows CW into a neutral corner and stomps him in the chest. Again. Again. Again and again and again with no end in sight until Singleton comes down the apron to complain, Krista breaking away to punch The Video Voyeur between the eyes! Krista then returns to The Natural, scaling the middle rope in front of her hapless opponent. Faced with a face-full of crotch, Wright covers his eyes with his hands and prays not for a repeat of his embarrassment from AngleMania, as Krista balls up the fist... "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVEN!" "EIGHT!" "NINE!" ...wait for it... "TEN!" "ELEVEN!" "TWELVE!" "THIRTEEN!" COLE Uhm... Krista... "FOURTEEN!" "FIFTEEN!" COLE Krista, never one for wrestling conventions... "SIXTEEN!" "SEVENTEEN!" COACH C'mon ref, that's gotta be five seconds by now! COLE Well, duh. "EIGHTEEN!" "NINETEEN!" "TWENTY!" "TWENTY-ONE!" Like any good gambler, Krista stops on twenty-one. After all, you don't say "Hit me." after twenty-one. To be fair, Christian wasn't saying "Hit me." at all, but that really not important. With Wright seeing stars, the one large star in front of him manoeuveres on the ropes, making her way around onto his shoulders. Wright tries to walk out of the corner carrying Krista in the electric chair, which he soon regrets as KID tumbles forward into a Victory Roll... 1... 2... No! COACH Now, is it a 'victory roll' if it doesn't get the victory? Shouldn't it just be called a 'roll'? Both CW and KID roll out to their feet. Krista is a step ahead and whips around, driving the flat of her boot into Christian's gut with a rolling sole BUTT. A quick uppercut under the chin rocks Wright's equilibrium. And with The Natural a sitting duck, off the ropes comes Krista, whipping her far leg around into Wright's face with a Spinning Wheel Kick! COLE Combination of moves from Krista. So quick in the ring. COACH It's all like a song and dance to her, she's not a real wrestler the likes of Christian. COLE She's sure dealing with the 'real wrestler' pretty well at the moment. Heading out of the ring, Krista keeps a close eye on the rest of The Enterprise as she heads up to the third floor. As KID perches on the top turnbuckle, Mackenzie watches on intently... a little too intently, perhaps... certainly getting a great view from ringside. Krista seems to notice it and waggles her derriere quickly, Mackie's eyes widening as Krista now soars from the top. As the fitness queen soars towards him, Christian instinctively ducks his head to duck whatever attack she had in mind. However, Krista is able to adjust in mid-air, carrying herself over CW and taking him down with a big Sunset Flip... 1... 2... No! COLE I'm a little surprised Krista is going for the win so early. Usually, she likes to drag things out and slap her opposition around a little bit. Especially when that opponent happens to be Christian Wright. This time, Wright manages to beat Krista to her feet and gets the jump with a knee buried into Krista's well-defined abs. Wright looks relieved simply not to be on the end of the abuse for once. He's soon brought back to the real world by a punch to the gut from Krista, forcing him into connecting with another couple of knee strikes. Turning to the outside, CW then gives a heads up and sends Krista into the ropes for a trip... ...which doesn't come, Mackenzie missing her cue and Krista able to come back off the ropes with a Flying Forearm! COLE The Enterprise, not in the game yet. Popping back to her feet, the always considerate KID rewards Mackenzie for her efforts with a thank you. A thank you accompanied by a blown kiss and a wink. Mackenzie just about stays on her jellied legs, but Krista's taunts come to an end as she notices Jade standing to Mackie's side. Suddenly Krista doesn't seem to know what to think or do, especially after the sucker job she was on the end of three nights ago. The distraction caused by all this awkwardness allows Christian to sneak back into the picture, kneeing Krista in the back, sending her forward into a clubbing blow from CPA from the apron! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CPA is warned about his conduct by the referee, as Wright tags out to Simon Singleton. A little pertubed still, Wright tells his fellow Finance Expert to keep her mind in the game next time as he leaves. Singleton takes over on Krista with a succession of clubbing shots to the back. Referee Chioda wants him out of the corner, so he obliges, snap suplexing Krista and floating over with the cover... 1... 2... No! Sitting Krista up, Singleton drives his knee into the spine. A second time. And a third, before locking on a rear chinlock to the crowd's destain. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" D*LUX get the crowd chanting in support of their partner, as if they needed any encouragement to support Miss California. COACH You know, you keep casting these aspersions on poor Mackenzie about this supposed 'curiosity' around Alix and Krista. What about D*LUX? Why don't you mention the obvious crush they've got on Krista? COLE What about Ned's lusting after Jade? Let's talk about that... COACH Just call the action Cole! As Krista starts to show some signs of life, Simon breaks the hold and drives the point of his elbow into the crown of Krista's skull! Turning to the corner, the vulgar Video Voyeur then hawks a loogie in D*LUX's direction which draws the two boybanders into the ring. Referee Chioda keeps them at bay, showing amazing strength for a mere ref. Behind his back The Enterprise make an illegal switch, but not before doubling up on Krista, Simon delivering a hard kick to Krista's chest as CW does the same to her spine, sandwiching KID in between the two boots. The wind knocked out of her lungs, Krista slumps over and gets pinned down by Wright, who yells for the referee to pay attention... 1... 2... No! Wright pulls the World Tag Team Champion to her feet, pulling her in by the arm into a short knee strike. A second time Krista is dragged into the knee. And a third time, this time the set-up for CW to apply the time-tested Abdominal Stretch. COLE If anyone in the OAOAST has the abs to withstand this move, it may be Krista Isadora Duncan. The referee checks to see if Krista wants to give it up. Of course she doesn't, but that doesn't bother The Natural, who uses the referee's positioning to his advantage and reaches back, locking hands with Singleton for some extra leverage! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Predictably, D*LUX jump in to complain. Again Mike Chioda's first reaction is to keep the boybanders from getting in the ring and that allows CW and Singleton to milk the illegal assist on the hold for a few extra seconds, with Krista curses a blue streak at her partners for entering the ring. That's gratitude for ya! Eventually D*LUX take the hint and leave the ring and sure enough, Singleton breaks contact with Wright just as the referee turns around, showing what he's learnt from his years of tag team wrestling. "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" WRIGHT SILENCE!! "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" In his fury at the chant, Wright releases the hold and throws Krista to the ground as he goes over to the ropes, chastising the Washington crowd. COACH You know, you'd think they'd be a little more respectful in Christian's hometown. COLE Adopted hometown. COACH Exactly! I mean, if Washington doesn't appreciate financially success stories like The Enterprise then what is the world coming to? After dispensing a few harsh and very convoluted words to the fans Wright finally return to the action. Unfortunately, by now, Krista is on her feet. And as Wright walks in, Krista shows her strength in scooping the two hundred, twenty five pounder up... ...and collapsing, unable to hold CW with a bad back, landing with The Natural pressed on top of her... 1... 2... Kickout! TYLER C'MON KRISTA! SHAYNE KRISTA! KRISTA! "KRI - STA!" "KRI - STA!" "KRI - STA!" "KRI - STA!" With the fans attempting to make themselves the proverbial sixth man (it's sixth, right? I don't know, US sports suck), Wright decides that The Enterprise need to put Krista down and fast. Which is where CPA comes in. The Directory Of Security, yet to be involved in the match, accepts the tag from Wright and stalks towards Krista, who is trying to crawl to her corner with her bad back weighing her down. COACH Now things are gonna get interesting! COLE CPA, the former professional boxer. It's amazing what secret lives these characters lead. Who would have ever thought, until we needed a boxing match of course, that one of our athletes just happened to be a former professional boxer! CPA places his foot on Krista's back and delights in watching her squirm around like a bug, or possibly a small kitten because that would be more evil, trying desperately to get away. An elbow drop to the back of the head puts pay to that though. As Krista's superstar looks get smushed into the canvas, D*LUX cringe, watching on with concern as CPA makes the lateral press... 1... 2... ...SAVE, by both of D*LUX, both very eager to come to their partner's rescue. COACH Ain't that adorable. Man, if these two pathetic ballad-boys get crushin' on chicks that easy, it's no wonder Jade was so desperate to join up with a group of real men like The Enterprise! With a handful of Krista's blond locks, CPA starts to drag the anti-socialite to her feet. Ever gutsy, Krista responds by landing some bodyshots. She's no Ricky Hatton though and far from her bodyshots actually calling for the referee to stop the match, they seem to just amuse her opponent. *THUD!* A HARD forearm over the back from CPA cuts Krista off. Scoop and a slam follows from the bigman, Krista's back arching on impact. COLE No finesse from CPA, the bruiser of The Enterprise. COACH Just goes to show you Mikey, substance over style. And who better to use as an example than the most style obsessed person on the roster, 'K.I.D'. If she hit a scoop slam like that she'd probably break out into the Macarena. COLE If it was 1999 maybe. CPA continues to stalk CPA, as again the Washington crowd are whipped up in support of Krissy (haven't used that one yet!) by the dulset tones of D*LUX. Happy with the way things are going, Singleton and Wright just mock D*LUX from their corner, playing the part of the fans with some very sarcastic clapping. Even Mackenzie gets in on the act, having just woken from some sort of a daydream. No speculation on what it was about of course, but let's just say she's watching the action VERY closely. Tag is made by CPA and Simon Singleton re-enters as the legal man, irish-whipping Krista into one of the neutral corners and assessing her through his handmade handscreen. Singleton then charges, looking to crush Krista with an avalanche... ...and eats boot! "YEEEAAAHHH!" Quickly shaking off the cobwebs, Simon tries again... ...and again eats boot! "YYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" With Mackenzie hollering at Simon that this is now going to be a "director's cut", the pugnatious Video Voyeur goes running in again. This time Krista has recovered enough to lift herself up on the turnbuckles, wrapping her legs around Simon's neck, to his shock and possible pleasure. Every moment of pleasure must be off-set with one of pain though. And Krista is always on hand to make sure of that, as she pushes off the turnbuckle and whips herself around, bringing Simon out of the corner with a Hurricanrana! Singleton flips through the air and lands hard on his tailbone, face etched with pain as hope rises for the tag on Krista's side! COLE This is Krista's chance here, but can she make the tag to one of her fresh team-mates? COACH And will she WANT to? Both Tyler and Shayne are up on the bottom rope, hands extended for the tag. Technically you can't make a legal tag when you're on the rope. But that rule hasn't been enforced in about twenty years so what the hell. It's a neat visual, okay. "D - LUX!" "D - LUX!" "D - LUX!" "D - LUX!" Despite Krista's hero(ine)ics, it's Singleton who makes the tag first, bringing in Christian Wright. Krista glances up and sees how close she is to her corner, making a dramatic dive for the tag... ...NO! Rushing into the ring, Christian manages to grab Krista's ankle just as she leapt and just about pulls her out of D*LUX's reach! Both Shayne and Tyler are distraught as Wright continues to hold onto the ankle and drags Krista into the centre of the ring. Folding up the legs, he tries for the Texas Cloverleaf. As he bends down to turn the move though, a right hand catches him. Another. And a third from Krista, trying to fight out of this precarious position. With her punches seemingly doing little to fight Wright off though, she resorts to some more 'desperate' measures though, as she runs her tongue across her veluptuous red lips and blows The Natural a kiss!! Understandably shocked, CW loses his train of thought, long enough for Krista to untangle her legs and drive her feet into Wright's groin! The force of the shot knocks Wright's feet out from underneath him and he falls face-first into Krista's bent knees for good measure, the combined effects leaving Christian helpless to prevent... ...THE TAG!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HERE. COMES. ...uhm, BOTH of D*LUX!? Shayne and Tyler each accept the tag and come in as seperates houses of fire, whipping up the crowd behind them. The boyband stop suddenly when they realise they've both come in and get into a brief spat over who exactly is the one who got the tag. That arguement stops as soon as CPA comes charging into the ring though, Shayne and Tyler pushing each other out of harm's way and causing Allen to steamroller right into the turnbuckles behind them! TYLER YEAH-UH! Staggering out of the corner, CPA walks right into a double boot from D*LUX. The former multi-time HI-YAH Tag Team Champions then combine, to spike CPA on his head with a Double DDT! COLE The tag-team specialists are taking over here at The Great Angle Bash! COACH Come on! One in, two out ref! It's hardly rocket science! Attempting to come to the rescue, Simon Singleton makes a similiarly bold charge across the ring. And he has similiar success, as Tyler backdrops him up and over the top, The Video Voyeur hitting the rampway with a crowd-pleasing *THUD*! Clutching his BUTT like... well, so many jokes, so little time, you pick the best one... Singleton pulls himself back up. In front of him, Tyler gives his partner a leg-up, helping him onto the top rope, which Shayne Brave soars HIGH into the air off of, wiping out Simon on the ramp with a big Crossbody Block! SHAYNE C'MOOOOOOON! "YYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE WOW! "Showtime" Shayne with a little assist from his partner, high-risk and high-reward right there! With everybody out of the equation, we're left with Tyler and Wright in the ring. Still in some discomfort, Wright labours into a boot from Tyler, who quickly hooks the head and looks for a Bulldog. CW pushes Tyler off, but he manages to jump up to the middle turnbuckle and catch Wright with a twisting crossbody... 1... 2... NO! Irish whip attempt by Tyler, blocked by Wright. A quick kick breaks the arms and Christian quickly hooks a hold of Tyler's head, lifting him up for the Gordbuster... ...NO! Tyler floats over the back and drives Wright down with Phantom (Diving) Neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Tyler now waves Shayne back into the ring and again D*LUX look for one of their patented double-teams, which has Mackenzie up in arms on the arena floor, complaining to the referee about the blatant cheating. Which does The Natural no good as he's pitched into the ropes. Tyler catches him on the rebound with an Inverted Atomic Drop, as Shayne comes off the ropes himself... ...and gets DECAPITATED (not rly!) with a Lariat by Christopher Patrick Allen!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH Ladies and gentlemen, Shayne Brave was 22. Nah, I'm just playin', I don't know how old that boy is, all I know is he just got plain served! Wondering why the second half of Opposites Attract hasn't happened, Tyler soon figures it out once CPA kicks him in the back and frees Christian from his clutches. Dragging Tyler to his feet by the hair, CPA levels The Tremendous One with a crossface strike. And a second. Tyler is barely standing after those shots. Only CPA's hold on his hair keeps him up, as The Director Of Security waits to hand Tyler off, shoving forward into an STO from Christian Wright! 1... 2... KICKOUT! On the rampway, Krista has tried to start up a fight with Simon. However, she's now run into trouble as she tries to get away, unable to do so with Simon's arms wrapped around her, holding her back from helping. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" With CW directing traffic, CPA drags Tyler to his feet again and clubs him with a couple of uppercuts up under the ribs. Wright is giving the signal for the Dominator. And soon enough, so is Mackenzie. Jade just stares. COACH If he hits this, it's over. Nobody in the OAOAST has kicked out of the Dominator, not when it's been CPA hitting it. Allen locks on the gutwrench and Krista knows what's up, making an extra effort to get away from the anchor tied to her ass in the form of Simon Singleton. She can't seem to do so though, as Tyler goes up over the shoulder... ...fights... ...fights some more... ...and gets DOMINATED~! COACH BALLGAME! Premature with his celebrations, like most things if rumours are to be believed, Wright asks for his briefcase already as CPA makes the cover... 1... 2... NO! SAVE BY KRISTA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH WHAT!? Pan to the rampway, to see Simon Singleton curled up in a fetal position, whimpering and clutching his testicles as he whines "she bit me, oh sweet Jesus she bit me.". COLE Krista freeing herself from Simon, somehow. And she just managed to keep her team alive in this match! COACH Woah woah woah. Somehow? SOMEHOW!? Wanna take a wild guess at how that somehow was there, mister conclusion jumper? Thought not. Unable to believe that the match isn't over, Wright has to get a second opinion from the referee before he'll finally believe that Mackenzie is right. Wright already has his briefcase and was ready to go right back to the office. And in an effort to keep to his tight schedule, he improvises, wielding the metal briefcase and charging at Krista... ...who ducks... *CLANG!* ...and watches as [i]CPA[/i] takes the briefcase right in the head and goes toppling out of the ring to the arena floor!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE That's gonna cost him! COACH Come on referee, what do these six have to do to get a disqualification out here for crying out loud? COLE But, how can The Enterprise be disqualified for hitting [i]each other[/i] with weapons? COACH Shut up. That's how. A horror stricken Wright drops the briefcase and holds up his hands to show that he meant no harm, which is of no consequence to CPA who lays flat out on the outside, seemingly KOed. Mackenzie rushes over to check on Allen but notices something CW doesn't, frantically telling him to turn around. Which he does, rewarded with a mouthful of knuckles as Krista wraps him with a Spinning Backfist! As CW falls back into the ropes, they do their job and push him right back out, into Krista who sidesteps him and hooks him by the back of the head, bringing him all the way down with the Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (Reverse X-factor) CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! The reason that says 'crowd' though is just that. The Washington crowd are the only ones counting the pinfall. Referee Mike Chioda is too busy trying to convince Mackenzie DeCenzo to get off the apron to join in. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE This one should be over! COACH Should is just a four letter word. COLE :huh: Pretty soon Krista realises something is up and relinquishes the pin to figure out just what that something is. Mackenzie is still trying to reason with the referee about something, but soon begins to trail off when she sees Krista coming towards her. Fluffing her hair. Pouting her lips. Rubbing her breasts? COLE What the... Chioda wisely steps out of the way as Krista saunters over and grabs Mackenzie by the head, causing her to beg for mercy. Except, Krista places a finger on Mackie's lips to tell her to be quiet. And with Mackenzie wondering what the hell is going on, Krista leans in, slowly, dramatically, causing every person in the arena to stand on their feet... before JAMMING HER TONGUE DOWN MACKENZIE'S THROAT!! "YYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH :O COLE SOMEBODY BREAK OUT THE KLEENEX! Mackie certainly doesn't seem to be putting up a great fight as Krista wraps her in the old greco-roman liplock, working her magic before releasing Mackenzie, who promptly falls off the apron and to the floor in a heap. The thousands of [s]perverts[/s] fans in the Wachovia Center shout their approval as Krista takes a drag on an imaginary post-cordial cigarette and tells the shell-shocked Mackie to "call me". Krista then turns back to the action... ...but stops, as now [i]Jade Rodez[/i] is up on the apron. COLE Uh-oh. COACH Oh, she wouldn't! She just wouldn't! Mr. Moneymaker always told me that Jade was being trained as nothing more than a fresh-faced could-probably-pass-for-barely-legal-in-pigtails lesbian sex slave under Krista's impearialstic right-wing wing, but even I wasn't sure Krista would stoop so low as to corrupt an impressionable nineteen year old girl with her disease! As Krista stares at Jade, she just stands on the apron. Not saying anything. Not doing anything. Not really making any effort to distract anyone. Just standing there. Which is doing enough to distract Krista apparantly, who as she begins to question her former hero-worshipper doesn't notice Christian Wright sneaking up behind her. COLE It's a set-up! Another set-up! Krista just begins to get a little forceful with the questions, as suddenly she finds herself in a waistlock. Barging forward, Wright pushes Krista forward into the ropes for an O'Connor Roll. Jade doesn't seem to realise the danger until it's too late... ...AND GETS BUMPED OFF THE APRON, as Wright rolls Krista up... COLE Not like this! 1... 2... ...NO, REVERSAL BY KRISTA... 1... 2... 3!!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH WHAT!? The fans erupt as the three comes down and Krista goes scrambling out of the ring, mostly from Wright's belated kickout. Despite coming out of the ring right at the fallen body of Jade, Krista doesn't make any moves to check if she's okay, not about to fall into that kind of trap for the second time in a week. She just backs away, looking a little concerned admittedly, but only a little. BUFFER Your winners of this contest... the team of Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant, D*LUX and KRISTA ISADORA DDUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Not needing her tag team partners, who are still nursing their own wounds in and around the ring, for a good celebration, Krista takes her OAOAST World Tag Team Title belt and makes her way up onto the rampway. And as if the gruelling match she went through had never happened, she treats the rampway like her very own catwalk, displaying the newest in designer accessories this Summer, a wrestling championship belt. COLE Chalk one up for Krista and D*LUX, five on three and they still came out on top right here at The Great Angle Bash! COACH Nevermind that, let's get some help out her for poor Jade! She could be seriously hurt again! COLE Much as I hate to be cruel, I've read The Boy Who Cried Wolf enough times to have understood the moral of that story. And it seems Krista has too. Mackenzie slides into the ring to try and console Christian, who is furious at what just happened. Her consolations don't do much good, especially as they're so half-hearted, what with her distraction with Krista's imromptu fashion show. Angrily CW tells her to "snap out of it" and as Mackenzie hotly denies anything and everything, Jade continues to lay unattended to as we fade out.

WWE Title: John Cena © vs. Mick Foley vs. Randy Orton vs. King Booker vs. Bobby Lashley (I expect Foley to be taken out of the match during the show somehow and it to just be a fourway. There's no other explanation really for the Umaga stuff. Unless Orton takes him out during the match I guess.) Do Or Die for the World Heavyweight Title: Edge © vs. Batista ECW World Title Match: Chris Benoit vs. CM Punk (Bonus prediction: Half the board will say it's **** territory, half will say ** territory, overrating or underrating Punk as with pretty much everything he does.) Intercontinental Title Match: Santino Marella © vs. Umaga US Title Match: MVP © vs. Ric Flair World Tag Team Championship: Cade and Murdoch © vs. The Hardy Boyz Cruiserweight Championship Match: Chavo Guerrero © vs. Jimmy Wang Yang Womens Title: Melina © vs. Candice Michelle And D&D to beat whomever.

Any chance we can push the show back until Monday? Because my 6-Man Tag Match is going to be late anyway as well.

They're finally going the right way with this angle with that t-shirt, plus the Cryme Time segment (and I guess Jillian too). Smackdown was way too maudlin, they just need to go OTT with it, have Vince come back and bemoan that he faked his death to get some respect and still people made fun of him. Up until now, this whole angle remind me of that Futurama episode where Bender stages his own funeral. Just picture Vince somewhere watching everyone's 'tributes' to him. "LOU-DER AND SADD-ER!"

Ooh, I realise I forgot to ask you permission to use Alix, Patty. Best say please this time then. After the other segment please! MAGGIE What up ya'll. Resident pep girl Maggie Nerdly here, trying her best to show some sense of remorse so I don't look like a total jerk in front of the guy I'm interviewing. Because he's had a really tough week and I'm sure he's feeling real poopers. Uhm, Leon Rodez... In walks Leon, hands on hips, not waiting for any questions from our fine wrestling journalist friend. LEON Honestly, this has been the longest week of my life. All week, I've done nothing but sit and stew. Calls. Text messages. E-mails. Nothing I've tried... I mean, I just haven't been able to get hold of her at all! She must know that I just want to apologise. But then, who knows what she's thinking now. It's like she's not even her anymore, like she's been taken entirely off the planet or something, I... I don't even know. I wasn't even going to show up here tonight. And then... Stopping his pacing, Leon looks up. LEON Just when I think I couldn't possibly feel any worse, I see... THAT. And I remember why I threw that goddamn chair in the first place! I'm sorry for the language, it's just... *sighs* MAGGIE I take it you mean the video? LEON Yes, the video. Leon wipes a hand across his face. LEON You know, I don't excuse what happened last week. I'm not proud of it. It wasn't 'me'. I just saw red. The moment Blanchard took off with Jade in tow, I knew I had to do something. See, Ned Blanchard is nothing if not sleaze. Ironic coming from me, maybe. But this isn't just one man's opinion. Ask anyone, absolutely anyone in these halls. He is scum. What you saw earlier on was scum. What you've seen week in and week out on this program, New New Midnight Express, Beverly Hills Blonds, whatever... sleaze and scum. And when that sleaze and scum starts to set it's sights on my little sister, like I say, I'm not proud of the way I acted and it was no example to set to my fans, but I stand by my reasons. MAGGIE Well, plenty of interesting stuff's been going down in OAOAST HQ regarding The Great Angle Bash. Originally Krista Isadora Duncan and D*LUX had the 6-Man Tag Team Titles in their sights. But, The Enterprise have wheeled and they've dealed and the line-up has changed. So now KID and D*LUX are gonna be taking on the mish-mash mirade of CPA, Simon Singleton and CPA. And now, you are gonna be paired up with your ex-squeeze Alix Maria Spezia, tagging up against Theodore Moneymaker and one Mr. Blanchard. So... wait, I thought Alix was a... you know... a lezzer? ALIX (off-screen) Why, I am sweetie! Skipping into shot is Alix Maria Spezia, inexplicably eating a big sandwich. ALIX Mmm, good stuff. Oh, for future reference, some other, fresher, neater 'slang' for ya to drop? Queers. Dykes. Bulldykes. Dick Van Dykes. Cat flaps. Melon farmers. Trout fishers. And, my personal favourite, 'men'. Never fails to get a chuckle. Tee-hee. SEE! See what I did there, I reinforced my own point because I realised it was dying a terrible, lonely death. Hey, speaking of terrible lonely deaths, let's talk about The Enterprise, huh? LEON I think we already were. Looking up from her big sandwich, which is becoming less and less 'big' by the second as various bits of filling fall out of the lazily held sandwich, Alix seems to just now notice the presence of her once male beau. I meant, her once beau. He was always male. So... okay, nevermind. ALIX Oh... hey. LEON Yeah, hi. MAGGIE Wooooooooooooooo... third wheel alert! Quick Maggie, think of a question. Something that can not possibly cause you to feel any more awkward right about now. Gotta be tasteful. Okay, uhm... oh, yeah! Don't you guys think it's gonna be a teensy bit awkward, having to team together, what with you once dating but then breaking up and spending the past six months trying to avoid each other after you spent so long fighting over the 24/7 Championship? ..... MAGGIE ...can I rephrase that? LEON Look, it doesn't matter who my partner is. No offence. Alix dusts off the piece of lettuce in her hand and jams it back in her sandwich, before proceeding to take a huge bite out of it. ALIX Hey, [i]lemon[/i] floor cleaner! Happy childhood memories are made of this! LEON ...all that matters is the opponents. I've got the two men I hold directly responsible for the fact my sister isn't 'my sister' anymore, the man with the means and the man with the brains behind it. Theodore Moneymaker, who tempted her away with his ill-gotten gains. And Ned Blanchard, because let's face it, somebody had to plant the idea in Moneymaker's mind. And I think it's pretty clear what ideas Blanchard has. Sunday night, he might have to find some other ideas. As far as I'm concerned, that's the only way to deal with people of Ned's ilk. [i]Castration[/i], that is. ALIX Now, hang on a second there ex-lover. When you speak of castration, are you referring to the medically tried and tested route of injecting known sexual deviants with harmful substances to neuter any sex-drive they may have, which may bring on certain side-effects such as nausea and weight gain? Or, do you speak of the much more satisfying method of a swift kick in the balls? Cause, if it's the first one, then technically Ned would be more Nedwina than Nedward. And then, with re-alligned gender issues aplenty, I might be plunged into deep competition for the hand, heart and places beyond of sweet Krista! They have a kiddy together, after all. I call unfair advantage on that one! I have never in my life been able to provide that service. Not since the government shut down my orphanarium and general hardware emporium! D.I.Y Don't I Have A Mommy never even made it into th telephone directory. No wonder I lost $24,000 of Krista's money. Oh, by the way, if she asks, I bought $24,000 of shares in Apple Computers 5 years ago when they were on the verge of being forever claimed by obscurity and now I'm a bonefide billionairess. MAGGIE Okay, sure. ALIX Neat-o! Alix keeps her bed! By the way, what sort of a goofy name is 'Apple' for a computer. What does a humble fruit have to do with one of techno... LEON (interrupting) This is just another reason why Sunday night can't come soon enough. Moneymaker, Blanchard, all the money in the world won't help you to prevent the conglomoration of my boots and your small intenstines. ALIX Translation: "He done gon' kick yo' ass, boiiiiiz!" Alix throws up some gang-signs for the demographic she feels needed to be translated to. After a few seconds of watching and waiting for some sort of sanity to return, Maggie and Leon shrug. Alix continues eating her big sandwich. LEON And I'm sure Alix will have plenty to say for herself while the merger is taking place. Shaking his head for a multitude of reasons, Leon walks off. Looking up from her big sandwich, Alix quickly takes the hint and walks off as well as we go someplace else!

This goes before my other segment. No pleases, no pleasantries. It goes there or ELSE. COLE Last week here on HeldDOWN~!, it was a chaotic end to the broadcast. The main-event saw Chicks Over Dicks defending and retaining their OAOAST Tag Team Titles against the special challengers Los Infernales in a great match. But all hell broke loose at the end, with all sorts of schenanigans with referees and portable cameras. Things didn't get much better after the match either as The Enterprise ambushed en mass COD. Luckily, D*LUX and Leon Rodez were there to make the save. But that wasn't the real story as we went off the air... [QUOTE=LAST WEEK ON HELDDOWN~!] Suddenly a mighty shout of jubilation springs through the stands. The abrupt sense of joy is brought on by D*LUX, and a chair wielding Leon Rodez rushing down the ramp. At the sight of his hated enemies, Moneymaker orders his crew to fortify their ranks. As he watches Simon leap out of the ring and cowardly head for the hills, he's quickly realizes his boys aren't up for a fair fight, and changes his commands to that of retreat. Wright doesn't think twice about answering the command, diving from the ring, and joining Simon in departure through the crowd. COLE Money can buy a lot of things but it can't buy guts! Mackenzie retreats behind the announce table, unable to shield her concern for Alix and Krista. Ned grabs the hand of a disinterested Jade Rodez and takes flight through the stands. Unfortunately for Ned his escape route is soon trailed by Leon Rodez, to the delight of the audience. With the weapon toting Leon distracted by Ned and Jade, Moneymaker demands that the remaining member of The Enterprise, CPA, stand and fight. It's a request that's granted in spirit, but not in reality, as the boybanders chop the big man down with springboard lariats! “YEAAAAAA!” COLE Alright D*LUX! Moneymaker is quick to realize that CPA may not be able to overcome this numbers disadvantage, and hurriedly drags him out of the ring. With Mackenzie in tow, CPA and Moneymaker retreat up the ramp. Moneymaker stays silent, except for a growl of frustration, but CPA mouth launches a plethora of threats at the boybanders. However, D*LUX pays them no mind, instead focusing on the health of the tag team champions. Somehow, through their expert medical knowledge, they both determine that Krista needs immediate CPR, which prompts Krista to shoot off the canvas and yell “Nope, I'm fine!” The situation grows even more annoying for her when Rescue 911 enters the ring to administer assistance and decides the same thing, only they believe they should be the ones to administer CPR. Elsewhere Leon continues his frantic hunt of Ned and Jade. Dragged like a sack, Jade is cut through the swamp of audience by Ned's frantic movements. The same audience members are mowed down just seconds later by the running Leon. Fraught with panic, Ned steps up the pace in his retreat, weaving Jade to and fro. Any audience member with an object in his hand, cups, cotton candy, finds it quickly removed and enlisted as a missile in the war against Leon. The Grand Rapids Golden Child effortlessly swats these bombs away, and increases the ferocity of his pursuit. Unfortunately things get rather messy when Ned tries to lose himself within a wave of arena security. The guards, fearing an outbreak of violence from the fans, ask Leon to show some restraint. He shows them the back of his chair. THWACK! THWACK! Guards are mowed down with deadly precision by Leon. COACH What the hell is he doing!? THWACK! A redwood of a man is felled by Leon's rampage. THWACK! Then another! At this point, Ned realizes the guards are nothing more but pylons to be crushed by the razor sharp rage of Mister Rodez. Thusly he pulls Jade along as though they were running from a ticking time bomb. The time bomb explodes. Leon hurls his chair right at Blanchard. Jade finds out why her brother's tryout for the Detroit Tigers failed miserably, as his projectile falls short of it's mark. Jade throws up her hands to try and ward the descending warhead off. Too slow. The bomb detonates on her face, blasting her backwards onto the harsh concrete. COACH That idiot! How on god's green earth can you sit here and defend that no good piece of shit time and time again like he was sent from the heavens above? Jade hits the floor, the nerve endings in her face burning as though they were on fire. Despite the boos of the audience, It takes Ned a moment to realize what fate has befallen Jade. Then her horrified, sustained scream clues him into what terrible events have transpired. Leon wishes to rush to her aid, but without his chair, all he can do is watch helplessly as security drags him away.[/QUOTE] COLE It was an abrupt end to the show and we promised you updates on Jade's condition on OAOAST.com. And those of you who logged on will have seen that thankfully, Jade did not suffer any significant physical damage. COACH But plenty of mental damage! Let's not downplay this now. COLE Well, it's plain to see there's plenty of issues within the Rodez family, more and more by the week thanks to The Enterprise's continued involvement in their lives. The point I'm building up to here though is that amongst the updates on OAOAST.com, we were sent exclusive footage after the show went off the air last week. Now, it was sent to the front office under the guise of a 'Fancam' video that someone in the arena had taken. However, it's pretty obvious just who's 'Cam' was infact responsible for shooting this footage we're about to show you. [QUOTE=OAOAST.COM EXCLUSIVE] Back in time we go, to the bygone days of June 14th, 2007. A shaky handheld camera follows after Ned Blanchard, who has the weeping Jade Rodez bundled up in his arms, carrying her through a part of the backstage area. What part isn't clear, but it's not one with many people in it's midst. Tons of production equipment, spare lighting, anvil cases as far as the eye can see. Ned looks lost and comes to a stop, laying Jade down on two of those very anvil cases. The youngest Rodez sibling holds her hands over her face and continues to cry in pain as Ned stops to clutch his lower back for a minute at having to carry Jade around. BLANCHARD (whispering) [i]You sure it's on?[/i] SIMON SINGLETON(???????) We are rolling Neddy. Ned gives a quick thumbs up before Jade looks out from her hands. BLANCHARD It's okay Jade, don't worry. We're gonna get you some help, paramedics, EMTs, doctors, they're all on their way, the finest money can buy. Everything's fine now, I promise. You're safe. JADE My... my eye... BLANCHARD Don't worry, we'll get some plastic surgeons over as well. Everything's taken care of. You just let Neddy take care of you until they all get here. Can you see okay? JADE (sobbing) Yes... yes, I can see. BLANCHARD And you're not bleeding... what about, uhm... what about your brain? Is your brain okay? SINGLETON (off-camera) It your [i]brain[/i] okay!? Whipping his head around, Blanchard hisses at Simon to be quiet. Showing his deep concern for the fallen damsel, Ned sits on the anvil case, placing a comforting arm on Jade's stomach, co-incidentally just as she was about to start standing up. JADE What... what happened? BLANCHARD Look, I don't know how to tell you this. I mean, it was... it was crazy. I always thought your brother was so calm and sensible, but he was like... like a madman. He was swinging this chair, left and right, knocking people down. I didn't really see much, I was trying to make sure you were safe. There was definately a small child he hit in the face, that much I do know. And he may have hit a pregnant woman in the stomach, although she may just have been on the tubby side. And then... I mean, it was terrifying. He just grabbed this chair out from under an old woman and the next thing I knew, he must have saw red and he, he just flung it at you. I tried to dive into it's path but my foot got caught behind one of the seats. Luckily I managed to get free and fight him off before he did any more damage to you. But, I just had to stand there and watch you... oh, I'm just so glad you're okay. Ned cradles Jade's head as she begins sobbing again. He still manages to find a spot to turn back to the camera and flash an 'a-okay' sign, ever the professional. SINGLETON (off-camera) Oh, that is smooth my friend. After a few more seconds of cradling and comforting, finally things begin to get awkward and as Jade realises she can't pry herself out of Ned's hug, Ned quickly lets her go. BLANCHARD WHERE THE HELL ARE THE EMTs!? This could be a serious injury, what the hell is keeping them!? I just hope Leon hasn't gone and KOed all of them with a chair too. JADE I... BLANCHARD It's okay, don't talk. You're safe so long as I'm here, I took night courses in First Aid the day I realised I was going to become a father. You just never know when someone you hold so dear is going to need you. SINGLETON (off-camera) Yes Ned, go for the kill. BLANCHARD Don't you worry about a thing. I'm going to make sure your brother pays for what he did to you, mark my words! I will make him pay for ever daring to harm a hair on your sweet little head. SINGLETON (off-camera) Note to self: in final edit, insert porn music cue here. BLANCHARD To think, he could have harmed your beautiful fac... Suddenly, footsteps can be heard rushing this way. The camera jerks up to reveal two EMTs jogging over, causing Ned to stand up, looking accusingly at the two medical technicians as they take over care of Jade. BLANCHARD Oh. Oh, thank... thank goodness you're here. What a relief. [i]Simon, a word...[/i] With gritted teeth, Ned turns to the camera and drags the cameraman away a few steps. BLANCHARD What the hell are THEY doing here!? SINGLETON (off-camera) Don't look at me, I didn't call them. I didn't think anyone'd find us down here, I mean, nobody's ever found me down here when I've been... uhm... when I, with the... BLANCHARD Look, nevermind that. I think that's a wrap, don't you? SINGLETON (off-camera) Oh yeah, sure, let me jus... [i]*STATIC*[/i] [/QUOTE] Back to Sofa Central we go, Michael Cole shaking his head as Coach sits next to him with a goofy grin on his face. COLE What a deplorable human-being, Ned Blanchard is. Not to mention Simon Singleton with that 'Siclopse', voyeurism at it's worst. COACH Hey, sometimes guys just like looking, that's all. COLE I... I don't even know how to respond to that. Needless to say, I don't think that video is going to do anything to fan the flames on this issue with The Enterprise and Jade's former confidantes. And somehow, I get the feeling that was the exact intention. That and the fact 'guys just like looking' I guess. Good Lord. More HeldDOWN~! coming up, I think I need a shower. Hopefully there aren't any cameras hoping to get a look at that. COACH On behalf of the entire world's population, I guarantee it.