Mecha Mummy

Rock vs. Hurricane, last night.

And yet Pogo the Clown remains employed...

NOOOOOOOOOOO! Shark Boy WITHOUT his mask? I did not need to see this! If WWE signs him, I'd want it to be under the Shark Boy gimmick, as Hurricane's Sidekick! Hurricane Helms + Shark Boy = Ratings

Well, as long as he doesn't go over....

That definitely wasn't one of the best WWE interviews on The End, but then again, NOTHING is going to beat Edge vs. The Callers in a trashtalking contest.

Wow, now I'm interested in TNA this week. D'Lo makes his TNA debut! (C'mon, now, who else would it be?)

... Brian Solomon? Brian "Shut Up and Wrestle!" Solomon? Oh, MAN...

Kane won the Intercontinental Title and was put in a match at No Mercy to unify the belt with Triple H's fake World Title. To start mind games, Triple H brought up Kane's past that didn't exist years ago when Kane came in; he apparently used to have a girlfriend named Katie Vick. After an indy show, Kane and Katie drove off, and got into a car crash. Katie died, AND the police found semen, presumably Kane's, in her corpse. Stupid yet? It gets worse. Kane retaliates, as he and little buddy The Hurricane lock HHH in a car trunk and Kane drives off.... but HHH got out of the trunk before Kane left! He can't even sell ambushes, that Helmsley. Triple H retaliates with a tape of "Kane" (Triple H in a mask) visiting Katie Vick (Actually a mannequin) at the morgue, and then 'screwing her brains out'. It gets worse! Triple H then brings Katie Vick, which is the same goddamn mannequin from last week, out, and she 'talks' (ventriloquism provided by Hunter) about Kane, even mentioning that he has a burnt little weiner. (At least X-Pac was SOMEWHAT subtle about Kane's genetalia when he mentioned them) Hurricane then comes out with an incredibly long, incredibly boring tape of a guy with a cardboard Triple H head covering his face getting random things pulled out of his ass. This was only remotely funny because of the cardboard head, which changed whenever the camera wasn't on it. Triple H gets revenge, though.... by beating on the mannequin. Riiight. Finally, FINALLY, we get Triple H vs. Kane, casket match, which ends with Michaels returning and superkicking HHH, and Kane then puts him in the casket (NOTE: This was non-title, you silly! HHH went over at No Mercy, of course, before this.) to end this monstrosity. This angle was so bad that WWE actually took shots at it later on, most notably when Michaels said that it sucked, and when Bischoff asked if it offends him because he's Christian, HBK replies that it offends him because he's a wrestling fan, just like it did EVERYONE else. There you go. God, that hurt to remember.

You're thinking of Crash. Who I Would Release: Tommy Dreamer - He's nothing special in-ring and can only get over in hardcore matches, and there is no hardcore division anymore. Test – Give up on him, he’s not a good wrestler and he will NEVER get over. Dawn Marie – Utterly worthless, especially since she isn’t even managing anybody. Linda Miles – She’s not very interesting and unless she’s really improved in-ring (In all fairness, it’s Jackie’s fault that the TE II girls were sent to developmental), she’s not worth keeping. Jackie Gayda – See above, except at least Jackie was kinda interesting. Jonathan Coachman – He’s all right on Raw and in segments with The Rock, but on Heat he’s just irritating. Release him or just have him do backstage interviews. Mark Henry – I actually applaud Henry for going through all the crap he did in the WWF, but he’s just bland. Ernest Miller – Look, you just aren’t working out, Cat. Release this guy and put Kevin Nash (Yes, Kevin Nash) on color for Velocity, see how that works. Shawn Michaels – Look, after Michaels/Jericho, he just needs to retire. Rodney Mack – Completely unimpressive, how the hell did he replace not only Bull Buchanan, but D’Lo Brown as well? Bradshaw - He did the impossible: he defiled the HARDCORE TITLE. Release, please.

The whole thing was ridiculously stupid. It spat on Kane's past (Storyline-wise), continuity, Kane himself, good taste, and most importantly, the fans. There's a reason why the Montreal crowd started a "This Show Sucks" chant while Triple H was explaining just who Katie Vick was. Vince wanted to make waves here like he did with the tastefully done (In my opinion) Billy and Chuck "wedding", but all he did was kill Raw's ratings until Austin returned. The necrophelia angle is exactly why smart marks prefer Paul Heyman (Who ran Smackdown, handled it well, and booked it excellently) over Brian Gerwitz (Raw head writer, lover of comedy angles) and Kevin Dunn (Production manager, big man on campus, and sports entertainment fiend), though THAT had the undeniably stupid Dawn Marie-Torrie Wilson feud, which is another matter entirely.

Foley is Good. Wow, Foley still wins.

Well, Lee's all right, and I have no problem with him teaming with Slash, I'm just thinking that PG-13 would probably put on better matches.

and Taylor had a nomination for world's worst gimmick with The Red Rooster, though it might not be as bad as XANTA CLAUS.

Yeah, McConnell never has ANYTHING bad to say about the promotion. He's probably trying to stay on the promotion's good side, but didn't Borash praise Dames for being completely honest? JC Ice is doing a prisoner gimmick now? The hell? They should bring him in to the New Church, ditch Lee, and re-unite PG-13.

I think Rey acknowledged it in his <PIMPING>shoot inverview, which can be found at thesmartmarks.com</PIMPING>! I'm guessing they were convinced to stay with WCW.

.... Gail Kim has heat because she's TOO SHY? Augh. Too bad she isn't the little trooper that Jacqueline is, huh? *Groan*

Douglas? Back in WWF? Not bloody likely.

I actually thought that Rico's win over Flair would propell him to the IC Title... and he got 3 Minute Warning and Heat matches. Poor guy.

Heeey, Gary and Mike was all right. I think the current schedue is Dilbert, Clerks, Gary and Mike, Undergrads. Pretty good.

.. They can't ALL be on Velocity, could they? I'm guessing Kanyon vs. Perpetual WWE Jobber Aaron Stevens was a dark match.

I believe it's called the Killswitch. No idea what it is, though. The Protoplex, maybe?

I don't know if I'll ever figure out how Warrior got over. But at least lightning hasn't struck twice and another untalented unover not very charismatic at all wrestler, MARK HENRY, didn't become the big star McMahon thought he would be.

.... Oh, god. Life is sucking for WWE and its roster...

I spent eighty fucking dollars to see Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle. God damn it all.

Nope, I believe that was the real Al Wilson.