rising up out of the back seat-nuh

Lets rip shit up with Ripper. What the fuck happened to that guy?

Okay. The Lemonheads are a better representation of Evan Dando than that album. At least I think so. Best Evan Dando song = "Wake Up In New York" with Craig Armstrong. Good shit. Inc, get some Bloc Party bitch.

So Puder's a heel? How long's that gonna last?

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My work here is done.

Are you Pitchfork?

Banky, you so crazy!

I honestly think Banky would really like the Bloc Party album. Certainly enough to download it. Go on!

Ah. Homofagual.

Jeff Hardy should be the top level. Or you couls name them after different forms of Japanese porn. Bukkake, cosplay, he-she tentacle porn etc.

WHAT THE FUCK IS ABERCROMBIE & FITCH? STOP TALKING IN FUCKING RIDDLES.

It's above average. But I'll probably never play it in 2005.

True. I need something to feel special.

This is the episode the rest of the world gets instead of Christmas in Iraq II. Seeing as most of the board isn't gonna be able to watch this, I thought I'd recap what's on the show for you. That and I'm bored. Josh Matthews presents, and our first match is the closing stages (last six, just before Shelton's elimination) of the Battle Royale the SD after thr Rumble for the #1 contendership at NWO. Eddie, of course, wins by reversing a suplex. Hardly any mention of Benoit winning the Rumble and jumping to Raw, or even the fact that the winner would be facing Brock Lesnar. Handy. Next up a clip package showing Eddie/Brock. I miss Brock. Lesnar squashes Guerrero, but Eddie has the heart to fight back. Eddie with a swank counter of the F5 onto the belt, and if you believe this package, he goes straight up for a frog splash for the 3-count. Hmmm, I don't remember that. Again, Brock hardly put over in this package, except as saying that he dominated Eddie, and couldn't finish him off. Good package though. Gave a nice feel for the story of the match and put over the upset well in the space of a couple of minutes. Up next, 'Taker/Kane and $1,000,000 Tough Enough! I'll add more as the show goes on.

I'll bite. What the fuck's American Eagle.

But Bloc Party rule all. Franz Ferdinand were a lot cooler last year when only "Darts of Pleasure" and "Take Me Out" had got any real airing. Then they went all fey goth bitch and turned out to be uber bland. The album's still good though.

What the fucks a Hot Topic?

God I wish my fingers were cocks.

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Good Christmas Day fun! It was either write this up or be bored waiting for my turkey.

Next up, we have a recap of London and Kidman's title story, including Kidman pinning Bubba for the titles, Kidman injuring Chavo (in slow motion. nice) and Kidman wimping out of the SSP in their title match with Suzuki and Dupree before a one-armed London gets valiantly squahed for the title change. Poor London. At least we get to see Suzuki do a crap French tickler. Fun! Next up WWE Tough Enough recap as we have a quick look at them all getting embarassed before Puder wins. God that guy is a pug faced goon. He'll be gone come this time next year. Still to come, Carlito Cool, and JBL vs Eddie in a cage. Segment 3, we have a recap of JBL's reign in 2004. So, instead of his promos, which have got him at least some degree of credibility, or even him winning the title, we get Eddie/JBL in a cage, where he was booked as the sideline to annother feud. It ends with Angle running in to cost Eddie the win despite being wheelchair bound for the previous months. Yay! Good little match though. Nice subtle touches by JBL to show his evilness, a sweet frog splash off the top of the cage (which JBL kicked out of) and a hot finish, even with the screwjob. That leads us nicely to Vince stripping Kurt of the GM job and Teddy Long getting the job. Still to come Taker/Kane (still) and Angle/JBL from last week as well as WWE coming to the UK. w00t! Segment 4 starts with a clip show of CCC's pre-debut vignettes, mixing together their best moments, before we go to him winning the title from Cena. Nothing special, but Carlito rules all. Smackdown may suck, but CCC and JBL are great gimmicks. Carlito wins with a chain shot. Come to think of it, does he even have a finisher yet? Wierd. This brings us to the Manchester SD and the #1 contenders battle royale, joining just in time for Scotty 2 Hotty's worm and elimination and Rene Dupree running away from Rico's kiss. Mysterio and Angle are the last two putting on a nice match with a load of near finishes before Mysterio 619's Angles back so he rebounds off the ropes. Later that night it was CCC/Mysterio for the title, with Carlito grabbing to ropes for the win. I completely missed that night of SD. Good stuff. We then show stills form Jesus/Cena to bring us up to date with the US title. Still to come, Take/Kane! For fucks sake! Segment 5ive takes us to Wrestlemania XX and Taker/Kane. We get Taker's enterance in full, which is nice. Whole match as well, which is less nice. I'm just hoping for "the best of Velocity 2004". This match bored me live, it's even worse when you know what happens. Taker wins by Tombstone, but who wouldn't have bet money on that? Talking of crap, we now go to a clip package of Heidenreich/Undertaker (the same one played prior to Survivor Series IIRC). No poetry though. Fools. And if I don't really wanna see Taker/Kane, I sure as hell don't wanna see Taker/Heidenreich from SS. Heyman's cool though, as we join just before Heidenreich hits a nice sidewalk slam. And Heidenreich grabbing the ropes after the Last Ride was really well timed as were his drunk legs before the chokeslam. Taker wins clean by tombstone to blow off the fued. Ha! Next up JBL/Angle from last week. Oooh! Last segment starts off with a rebound-style look at RVD and Rey winning tag gold before we show JBL's in ring promo from last weeks SD. JBL rocks. Amy Webber sucks. Dumb bitch. They always have to ruin a good gimmick by sticking a woman in there. I aint recapping this shit. JHawk's already done it. It's at the top of this page for fucks sake. So, we seee the promo and the match and that's our lot. Not a bad show all told, and something goo to burn/tape to remind you of 2004 in a few years time. Peace out.

Yeah, I meant 2004. Shoot me.

Bill Cosby The Pope Charlton Heston Michael Stipe Matt Stone Mohamed Ali *BEST BET* Osama Bin Laden Drew Barrymore Steven Spielberg Burt Bacharach

Heh heh heh. When posters meet up, it can only be bad. Nonetheless, if any TSM posters are going to New Orleans Mardi Gras, feel free to meet up so I can ridicule you in person.

I do...