Toshiaki Koala

Allow me. 1) My match was filled with flowery language and cheesy, overdramatic writing, especially near the end. This alternated, oddly enough, with deadeningly austere descriptions of the action during the body of the match. 2) While harrowing, the leg work by Pretzler didn't really yield visible results until the finish itself - WC was still able to hit or attempt some major spots with little difficulty. 3) In spite of my after-the-fact comment that WC's stamina was likely to drop again after the Blood Frenzy ended, it didn't. Being in the Frenzy basically cured him of the effects of the apron-side German suplex, which had been sold like DEATH before he started bleeding. Having him suddenly crash after snapping out of it would have been more dramatic and made more sense. 4) Pretzler didn't really do a whole lot. Sure, that's the idea behind his style of wrestling, but if he was trying to impress the management (an idea I put over heavily), he could have at least busted out the still-unseen tope suicida or something visually striking. 5) EXTREME overuse of the following words: Push, pull, forward, stand, feet, onto, toward, back, backward... and many others. I bet you're all dying to read my match after those few tantalizing details! I do consider it's the best I've written so far (and the longest - more than twice as long as the runner-up, in fact), but from my intensely self-critical point of view, that ain't sayin' much. There were a lot of references (okay, let's call it move-stealing and ass-kissing) to Flesher during the match, but they were not put there to butter up the marker - rather, Toxx had suggested that Pretzler was becoming Tom's "boy," an idea I took to heart. (His other suggestions were also very helpful - thanks a bunch!)

??? has really had his work cut out for him lately. I swear he's been at least five different people in the last month! Wait, Tom is wrestling? !!!~!

Motherfuckingly, the match I sent to Tom was so long (11,000+!) that part of it was cut off in the sending. Worse yet, I forgot to save a copy to the sent folder and didn't get home from school until 3:00. All of that has now been corrected, so... may the best man win.

Nope.

Clarence Boddicker. Too much greatness to even begin listing it.

John Steinbeck employs the plural form "penes" in his acclaimed masterwork (ha!) The Grapes of Wrath, but the word does seem rather archaic and unfit to be applied to the genitalia of Scorpio and René Duprée. I think we can all agree that "bonerz" works just as well, if not better. I do occasionally post under that name (Shining Wizard, not the plural form of penis) and up until recently had a rather witty signature discussing its origins. Which I may have to bring back, since my new sig contains the now-forbidden phrase "Pimp me..." EDIT: And in one of those coincidences you just can't make up, that same word filter replaces "pimp me" with, and I quote: "Mmmmmmm penises....."

Not at all. I was going to make a joke along those lines but couldn't quite formulate it, thus sparing everyone the pain of reading one of my "witty" remarks.

Could one (OR BOTH!!!) of the mystery men actually be Diego Sanchez? Worth pondering, it is.

That's what I figured. Good job, then.

Hmm... I wonder what happened to that promo I wrote? It seems to have gone the way of the dodo.

X2, the second best action movie of all time? What about Die Hard? The Terminator? Léon? Every film John Woo ever made with the exception of Mission Impossible 2, which actually wasn't that bad!? Alright, Léon is more of a drama, but it's still better as an action film than X2 is. Surely you meant to "superhero movie," but even that's being overly generous! Sorry about that. Your opinions have as much value as mine. Anyway... I just watched the first part of To Play The King, the sequel to the awesome BBC miniseries House of Cards. It's as fantastic as I expected, and I can't frigging wait to watch the rest. And then there's another sequel... Ian Richardson is a god, yes indeed.

"Diplomatic pass." *BANG!*

Gotta love Lethal Weapon 2.

I guess Fallout was to promoing as I am to writing matches and promoing.

Here are my top ten off the top of my head in, descending order for maximum dramatic effect. I apologize in advance for the cheesy, flowery, and Fierro-esque language. All that and a bag of chips! 10. Bret Hart vs. Owen Hart - WMX I can't put this any higher as I saw it too long ago to remember enough details, but it was probably the first time I recognized a match as being truly great. 9. Scotty II Hotty vs. Dean Malenko - Backlash 2000 Easily the best Scotty singles match ever, and while that isn't saying match at all, this is just tremendous fun. The inside-out super DDT remains the most shocking and memorable finish that I have seen anywhere. 8. Chris Benoit vs. HHH vs. HBK - WMXX Horrifically, I accidentally learned the result of this match before watching it, and the body of the match doesn't quite hold up on repeated viewings. Still, the last five minutes are possibly the most perfect in wrestling history. 7. Mitsuharu Misawa vs. Kenta Kobashi - 1/20/97 I've never seen a match with such an epic feel to it as this one. The first time I watched it, I was spellbound - I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. This, more than anything else, turned me into an AJPW mark. 6. Akira Hokuto vs. Shinobu Kandori - DreamSlam I Make no mistake; this is the best match I've ever seen. There are matches I prefer for sentimental reasons, but none have the drama, intensity, or quality of this one. Hokuto gives what is probably the best single performance in any match. 5. Chris Benoit vs. Great Sasuke - J Cup 94 Final As it was for many people, this show was my first experience with puro, and I've been hooked ever since. There isn't a moment here where the actions slows or becomes tedious, and the near falls are exciting even if one knows them all by heart. 4. Kurt Angle vs. Shane McMahon - KOTR 2001 I'm biased toward this match, since I saw it live and was a huge Angle mark at the time. It does contain the all-time worst Sharpshooter (Rock's is masterful by comparison) but there are plenty of things to love about it, not the least of which is the DISGUSTING head bumps taken by Shane after being suplexed into the glass panels. 3. Cactus Jack vs. Triple H - Royal Rumble 2000 Good God, what a brutal match this is. Few garbage wrestlers have sustained scars like the ones given to Triple H in this street fight, as the skin on his thigh was laterally hanging off in slabs. Just an incredibly intense bloodbath all the way through - though it lacks the emotional impact of their HIAC rematch, the work here is considerably better. 2. Randy Savage vs. Ultimate Warrior - WMVII If I hadn't seen this and someone told me it was a great match, I would probably say "Yeah, and Rob Feinstein just wanted to hang out and play Checkers." But it is a great match, with both guys (especially Savage) working their asses off, and what transpires post-match is the greatest moment in Wrestlemania history. 1. Akira Taue vs. Mitsuharu Misawa - Champion Carnival 95 Final There's nothing in this match that stands out above the other stuff on my list - no huge spot or dramatic finish - but as a whole it's about as close to perfect as a match can be. Perhaps it's the circumstances leading up to my viewing of it: I watched the tape one weekend and was really into it, and then as the final approached... the tape ended. You see, I had ordered only the first three parts of a four-part set. It took months of wrongly-addressed money orders and other confusion before I finally got my hands on the big match, and during that time I somehow managed to avoid discovering the result. I've never had more fun watching wrestling before, nor have I been so excited about a match that happened ten years.

Scott?

Does an elephant have a trunk?

"Batista fears Ebessan" That is all you need.

We all knew Marney would turn up sooner or later...

IL, I'm sorry about going for the cheap win via DQ - I know I said it would probably be a no-contest. To tell you the truth, I originally had it as a DDQ, but I kind of realized at the last minute that the decision and the actual ending didn't really fit together, so I changed it. Hope you're not mad.

Are you implying that I sometimes write, or that I sometimes write well? Because both would be appropriate, although "sometimes" is probably giving me too much credit.

I want to be Admiral Ackbar, because it's a trap.

I was loving the promo until I realized it was nothing more than a commercial for ONS.

That's better left unsaid, but if all goes well the Replay Machine may be in overdrive on Storm...

That's what I thought, and I was disappointed to discover it wasn't so. I'd much rather have Mario Curling come out first, though.