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I lost my innocence to Father Jack.

What shit? Who are you?

I was too much of a rebel to go to college, and I am not made fun of constantly around here. Well, at least not to my knowledge.

What you mean loads of booze, skanks with guts in mini skirts listening to house/dance music and rain? Loads of booze, a bug infested hotel room, the drunk bus, and karaoke?

Keep it in there and give it a name. Like a pet.

It was January 2000. Your old pal JAxl was a young spry 18 years old, and had just started his first real relationship, with a girl, Nikki, who he had met as his previous job. The problems began when another former co worker, the gorgeous 22 year old Lisa, JAxl's former fuck buddy decided she wanted to make Nikki jealous. It all started so innocently. In my room were myself, Nikki, her friends April and Shannon, and my friends Dan and John. I believe there may have been a case of Budweiser, but I am certain there were two bottles of Seagram's 7, which is what I liked in those days. We were just sitting around, playing random card games, probably playing the radio a little too loud. Nothing like forcing a couple of high school girls who listen to whatever pop radio tells em to sit there and listen to Led Zeppelin and The Doors. My parents were cool with me having people over to a point, especially since they knew I was actually happy for once, being with Nikki. The party was meant to move up to John's house, then a few of us were supposed to sleep at Shannon's. As the booze took effect, and we gradually started to be more comfortable around each other, me and Nikki were a little cuddly on my couch. BOOM! The door pops open, and in staggers Lisa. She was known to have a little too much "fun" if ya get me. Probably fresh from a local bar, and most likely a little coked up, she looks over at me and Nikki and jumps right into my lap, kissing at my neck. Now, I had a thing for Lisa for years, and it took me a long, long time to get anything going. She had never ever been affectionate like that with me. There's actually a funny picture of her in my lap on the couch, me smiling like an idiot, Nikki sitting there FUMING. Anyways, Nikki and co. go out front for a "cigarette", and while I am concerned she might leave, I get past all that by following Lisa into the bathroom and getting some serious hookup action and the one and only time I cheated in two years. Man, she was gorgeous. Now I am all nostalgic, lol. Anyways, knowing the controversy she had started, Lisa was satisfied, and left afterwards, telling me she'd call me later and blowing me a kiss. Bitch. So, the party starts to move up to John's, with Nikki giving me the cold shoulder. As everyone else files into the basement, Nikki stays outside and asks to talk to me. She tries to tell me that us being together was a mistake, blah blah blah, if I want that bitch I can have her. The only thing is, she punctuates every end of a sentence with a serious punch to a tree trunk, leaving her knuckles cut up, and she still had scars there by the time we were broken up, and that started my attraction to crazy broads that exists to this very day. It was clue #1 that she was a little bit off, and maybe I should get the hell out of there, lol. This little "glitch" of hers eventually led her to flooring her car on a busy street and taking her hands off the wheel, trying to kill us both. But that was way into the future. Anyways, because of our loud voices, the cops come. What's the problem, blah blah blah. He ends up letting us off, even though it was past curfew for her, and we both probably reeked of booze. In one of my favorite moments, I go home to grab another bottle, and call John's to inform him I am not coming back up as a joke. On my way there, I run into Nikki, who was on her way to my house. It's the little things like that that make you fall for a person. Yes, I now realize this story doesn't have enough drunkenness, but it's ok all the same. I'll make up for that later. After some nice making up and making out in John's basement, we were all good. I left some serious hickies that night, and she had to have her "revenge." So I got em as well. We eventually make our way to Shannon's as well, where there is pretty much fucking going on on both beds and on the floor. I'm not sure what the moral of this tale is yet. Maybe stay away from crazy chicks? That wasn't the end of Lisa either. She still came by my house at all hours of the night, as I had a ladder next to my window. One of those nights I got a delicious striptease to "Bawitdaba" and "Cowboy." Didn't do anything more though, because my dumb ass was faithful. The next one will have more drinking in it, I promise. Coming up next, a weekend with Angela, tales of Irish Weekend, Chief's 20th birthday (Bars, Limo, Strippers) or JAxl's guide to not getting laid after the prom and smashing a 4 wheeler into a tree.

What if they are driving bumper cars?

I'm flipping between retelling my last birthday in more detail, a weekend in the mountains after I took this chick to her prom or a story about a party in my room where a psycho ex girlfriend ending up punching a tree.

Technically, if he didn't have airbags, I would have lost a friend last night. So yeah, I'm impacted. I haven't driven drunk in well over a year.

I was specifically told by people that my airport story is the greatest drunken story ever told. Maybe it loses some of it's effect on a screen rather then being told in person. And apparently Zack cares none for my safety and health, only for his own entertainment. My kinda guy. Modern, I command you to go get a 6 pack, then try to get laid. You know, without paying for it like usual.

There's always a fucking party pooper isn't there. What exactly does the word "lifes" mean? I'll get you with the old Larry Flynt comment about Hustler. If you don't like my posts, dont read em slick.

Oh I've got some classics I will unearth for this, lol.

I know I've said this alot, but last night might just inspire me to take a little break this weekend.

Horny.

You're all a bunch of fucking slaves.

The name Jake “The Snake” Roberts sparks emotion in the hearts of all wrestling fans. Fans of the sport will never forget the havoc that he and his serpent, Damien, reeked on his poor, innocent (ok, not “that” innocent) victims. “Snake,” as his fans call him, wrestled the toughest men in the sport, but none were as tough as the demons he faced within himself. Jake talks about his career in a sport that he loves more than life itself and the demons that he’s encountered along life’s highways. He also stresses the importance of kids staying away from drugs and alcohol. This interview is straight forward and un-edited. “Reader discretion is advised!” Michael Strider – What do you think about appearing at the upcoming WrestleReunion? Jake Roberts – I think it’s great! It’ll be fun to see all the fans and my friends! Lots of great wrestlers there! M. S. – Would you ever have thought an event like this would happen? J. R. – I don’t confine myself to thinking like that. Anything’s possible! M. S. - I’m definitely looking forward to it! I am a fan of the days that you were involved in the sport. J. R. – You’re “old school” huh? M. S. – Definitely! I liked watching guys like you and Wahoo and Boogie and Flair back in the day. I’m not a huge fan of the W.W.E. of today! I don’t watch it. J. R. – Neither do I! I don’t say I’m from the “old school”. I’m from the school that burned down before they built the “old school!” M. S. – Where was it that the sport ran off track? J. R. – Well, they ran out of talent! Basically they’ve prostituted and raped the talent! All the places like the small territories that use to build the talent are gone! That’s where all the great talent was born. This stuff doesn’t happen over night! It takes years to master any skill and the problem today is that they are trying to make chicken soup out of chicken s***! It still tastes like chicken, but I don’t know! (Laughing!) I can’t even get warmed up in the period of time that the matches last these days! M. S. – You’re right! They don’t take the time to train them as much as you guys were trained. J. R. – Movies these days are the same way! It’s all pyrotechnics and bulls*** and they dress it all up! I didn’t need a roman candle to have a match! M. S. – I certainly don’t remember you doing any flips off the top rope or anything elaborate like that in your time! J. R. – No! If you ever do, shoot my ass cause I’ve done lost control! I got pissed off when I saw the video games! It’s got me doing all this crap throughout the game! M. S. – I haven’t seen the video games. J. R. – Yeah, there’s a game out now that has me on it doing all this s*** on it! I was like, “What the hell! I get a nose bleed if I even get on the top rope!” M. S. – Do you get royalties for those things? J. R. – Sure! That’s a good thing! M. S. – That’s at least a good thing! J. R. – It would be nice if they actually copied what I did instead of designing what they want. They’re basically just raping again by taking something and making what they want out of it! M. S. – Do you think Vince McMahon is the anti-Christ? J. R. – I think that if Vince was around at the beginning of time and God employed him to be his publicist and to manage his promotion there would be no devil today, but unfortunately Vince went the other way! “Runnin’ with the devil”! He’s the greatest promoter of all time and it’s not really his fault that we ran out of talent. It’s his fault that he mismanaged the talent! M. S. – When did you first discover your interest in the sport? J. R. – I don’t think I really ever did! My father wrestled and it was never really something I wanted to do. I hated it! I grew up believing in it and he made us believe in it. I thought it was the real deal, you know? It was always a worry, to be honest. I never saw him much anyway, and I wasn’t around him much at all really. Basically, I just did it because I wanted to make my father love me the way I wanted to be loved. I tried to get his acceptance, which was the wrong reason to get into it! Once I got into it, I fell in love with it. The love that I have for it is greater than any love that I have for anything. To me, each time I go to the ring, it’s like I’m making love to my wife. Unfortunately, it’s the only one I ever cheated on! M. S. – That’s certainly an incredible love for the sport! J. R. – If I felt bad when I went to the ring, I would put in more effort. I find that this is the mark of a professional. A professional is somebody that goes out when they’re physically and mentally unable to do it and they give more than is expected. This is the way I’ve always felt. Some of my best matches are when I felt my absolute worst! Whether it be a physical or mental problem or a physical injury or hung over! It didn’t matter! That’s when I went out and gave it 300%! M. S. – Wow! J. R. – To me, that’s professional! It’s a true passion and my only passion. To me, there’s nothing better than going out and doing it. To me, it’s the masturbation of people’s emotions! I’m just taking them for a ride! Make ‘em high, make ‘em low, make ‘em any way I want to! M. S. – What’s your goal when you’re in the ring? J. R. – It’s to satisfy! To satisfy myself and to satisfy those people watching! To take ‘em on “that ride”! To make the non-believers believe and make the believers wanna cry. To make them sacrifice themselves. To make the old woman in the audience want to get up and cut me with a knife! And it’s happened! M. S. – Tell me about it! J. R. – I’ve been shot at in the ring! Quite an experience! Not something I’d like to do again but at the moment it was a pretty good rush! M. S. – A number of wrestlers have told me they have been shot at! J. R. – Oh yeah! It happened in Dallas about sixty miles from my home town. It must have been family! M. S. – That’s incredible! It’s good that people take it seriously because that’s why you guys make money, but some people take it a little too seriously! J. R. – Sure! It’s the best feeling in the world though man, when you can take somebody and make them get up and do something that they’re not physically or mentally capable of doing at any other moment of their life! When you’ve got some 80 year old woman coming at you with a knife, you know you’ve pretty much touched all the knobs you need to touch! Especially if she’s not family…or your date! M. S. – Have you ever been hurt by a fan? J. R. – Sure! I’ve been cut by them! I’ve had automobiles totaled by them! I’ve been hit with chairs and bottles. I was hit with a building block once! M. S. – What?! J. R. – It was an outdoor show and someone was on top of the dressing room building and they tossed a building block on me! I thought that was pretty cool! M. S. – Dammmmnnnnnnnnn! J. R. – Yeah! So, it can get pretty silly. Riots happen if you push all the right buttons and you play with people’s emotions! When you have them by the short hairs, so to speak, and they’re twisting the way (you) want them, to you have to be really careful! You gotta push them right to the edge and sometimes when you try to push a mass of people to the edge there’s gonna be a few people that fall in! M. S. – I use to argue with my dad when I was a kid and he tried to tell me that it wasn’t “real”. J. R. – We damn sure hammered each other! M. S. - Even today during live events I think the fans have a brief “escape from reality” and that’s what makes what you do successful! That brief moment when it all seems real and everyone in the arena is on the edge of their seats! I am thankful that I’ve never been sitting next to one of those 80 year old, knife wielding lady killers that you’re talking about! J. R. – That’s what the beauty of it is too, you know? People come up to me and say, “Is wrestling real”? If I say yes, they’re gonna argue with me! If I say no, they will argue too! They will say, “Most of it’s not, but this one time I saw these to guys…” Then I say, “No, no! You just saw two guys doing their job right!” If you go out and do it right then people should think it’s real! If you have idiots out there that throw 19 clotheslines and jump off the top of this and jump off the top of that and hit each other with this and that, it tells people it’s a bunch of crap! The worst thing in the world is someone trying to shove chicken s*** down your throat while they tell you its chicken soup! The fans don’t buy into it! They know what chicken soup tastes like! And this isn’t chicken soup! M. S. - What came first, snakes or wrestling? J. R. – Wrestling! M. S. – Where and when did the snakes come into play? J. R. – Snakes were just a spin-off of me and my character, and it kept people away from me! I had a lot of things going on in my life that I didn’t want people knowing about and if I had a snake around me, they wouldn’t want to get around me anyway! M. S. – People were scared of you? J. R. – Yeah! Intimidation factor! M. S. – Sherri Martel told me… J. R. – Oh, she loves it! M. S. – She said, “He got that damn snake after me in the shower one time!” J. R. – She’s a great girl! I’ve known Sherri for 25 years! M. S. – How did the idea of the snakes come about? J. R. – It was with Vince in ’84. I was scared to death of them as a kid. I did notice that when you said the word “snake”, people moved! It rhymed with Jake, so what the hell, it worked! M. S. – You were involved in one of the most bizarre “happenings” in the history of the sport! The night you brought out the cobra on Randy Savage! That was traumatizing when the snake bit Savage! I think most people thought it was fake even though we knew it couldn’t possibly be! The way it gnawed on his arm was sickening! J. R. – That was fun! I’d rather be bitten by a cobra that bitten by a python! M. S. – Are you kidding!? J. R. – Hell no, man! The venom sacs were removed so all it was going to do was chew on you! It didn’t have fangs, it had teeth so it didn’t really hurt that bad. It just kind of messed with your head! Any time you have an animal chewing on you it’s gonna mess with you! You don’t get use to that s***! I’ve been popped maybe 30 times with these snakes and you never get use to it! Not one time that it happens do you not try to jerk away from it, and when the snake weighs over 100 pounds it tends to rip your flesh! M. S. – Did that ever happen to you? J. R. – Yes! M. S. – How did the bite with the cobra actually come about? J. R. – It was just a silly idea that worked really well. M. S. – What kind of cobra was it? J. R. – It was a king cobra. A 13 footer! It was really, really nice! I enjoyed that! M. S. – Was it one of yours? J. R. – It was mine. It was a real treat to play with! I use to love to play with that thing in the hotel room, you know? Cobras are very slow. They don’t strike at you like a regular snake does. They fall towards you and you can move your arm. Well, I was doing that one night at 3 am, bored, and the phone rang. I reached over to pick it up and forgot what I was doing. “Ouch! That son of a bitch got me again!” M. S. – So, it wouldn’t make you sick because it had been de-fanged? J. R. – No, no. It did make some people sick. It made Randy sick when it bit him, but I think that was all mentally. M. S. – What event did it happen? J. R. – It was called, “A Tuesday in Texas”. It was a special show. It wasn’t a pay per view. M. S. – I wish I could find a copy of that! J. R. – It would be good if you could find an uncut copy. The part you saw on TV was very short. That snake chewed on him for about two and a half minutes! M. S. – So Randy knew he was going to get chewed on? J. R. – Oh yeah! It was funnier than hell! (Laughing!) M. S. – Have you handled other poisonous snakes? J. R. – Oh yeah! Rattlesnakes, cobras and vipers that I shouldn’t have been handling! I’ve had several cobras. But, you know alcohol and drugs make you do stupid things sometimes! M. S. – Handling a cobra has got to be more dangerous than any drug! J. R. – Hell no! M. S. – You don’t think so? J. R. – The most dangerous drug in the world is adrenaline, my man! That gets more fools killed than anything! That’s the only time my body doesn’t hurt is when that bell rings! Right then, the adrenaline kicks in and I don’t feel no pain no more, man! That’s the only time I’m truly happy! Because there is no pain in my body or my mind. It’s better than any alcohol or any drug that I’ve ever done and I’ve done just about all of them! M. S. – I’m a photographer and I’ve had the opportunity to work for a lot of bands like Kiss and Van Halen. I’ve heard a lot of rock stars say they did drugs because the rush that they got when they were onstage couldn’t be achieved in any other way when they were off stage. Is that the reason you started using drugs? J. R. – You shot for Kiss? You’ve seen some bulls***! M. S. – No doubt, brother! The rush that I got when I was between those guys and 25,000 people couldn’t be touched. It can’t be explained. J. R. – I know what you mean. I’ve tried getting the high with drugs and everything else, but it doesn’t work. No, no, no! That had nothing to do with it! I wish I could blame it on that, but I can’t. I did drugs because I wanted to! That’s the way it starts out. But believe you me, I’ve never met an alcoholic or an addict anywhere on this planet that said, “When I was six years old all I ever wanted to do was be an alcoholic or an addict and die in the gutter!” That’s not what you want. You start out doing it and it’s fun. It’s a recreational thing! It’s a one time thing…it’s a two time thing! “It wouldn’t hurt to do it one more time!” But then somewhere down the road it becomes a liability where you have to do it to get out of bed and get yourself going and get yourself “right”! It starts out a little thing that’s doing the right thing for you whether it’s a pain killer you have to take because you have to wrestle that night or whatever. You know, we can justify whatever we want with our minds, brother! M. S. – I know that’s right! J. R. – You can justify any damn thing you want in your own mind! Forget about that bulls***! Bottom line is I did it because I wanted to and I got hooked! Once you get hooked, you get hooked deep! Some days I win and some days I lose! M. S. – What’s today? J. R. – Today I’m winning! M. S. – Thank God! J. R. – Oh yeah! I’m not gonna say I’m not gonna fall off the wagon and the last thing I wanna do is try to test myself, but I can count on falling off the wagon. Everybody should count on it! If you think you’ve got anything whooped, you don’t whip things like that! Those things are monsters that are coming from within! It’s just amazing that I’m the only wrestler that’s ever done drugs! M. S. – Only one that’s got the guts to admit it! J. R. – Thank you very much! I wanna tell kids that if they don’t want to be an alcoholic or a drug addict, don’t pick the s*** up in the first place! I hate these wankers that go around and say, “Ah, he’s a loser” or whatever! I don’t give a f*** what they think of me anyway! M. S. – Steroids seems to be the drug of choice to many of the wrestlers! J. R. – Addiction is addiction whether it is drugs, sex, food or whatever! Addiction will kill you! M. S. - Too much of anything isn’t good! Too much food can kill you! J. R. – Especially bad food! Especially this chicken soup made out of chicken s***! M. S. - What did you think about the documentary, Beyond the Mat? J. R. – The message that I wanted from that was to show kids what it’s like to be on drugs. I was under the understanding that it was going to be used as a positive thing. But he really broke it off in my ass and I was the only guy not to get paid from it! I’ll let God deal with him! I don’t have time to worry with jack-offs like that! He abused my family with it! It didn’t hurt me! It hurt my family! M. S. – Name some of your most memorable matches. J. R. – There’s too many to name! Some with Randy and some with Ricky Steamboat. Many with Andre and also Ronnie Garvin! No way to just name a few. I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to wrestle some great wrestlers. It would even be hard for me to name the top 100 cause I’ve had so many of them! Thank God! M. S. – You even trained a lot of guys in the business today! J. R. – D.D.P., Stone Cold, Undertaker and the Road Warriors were just a few! I love teaching! That’s what I want to do now is teach some more. I just can’t turn the TV off because I still love wrestling, so therefore, what can I do? I want to teach more wrestlers. When I’m eighty years old and in a nursing home, I can pinch the nurse on the ass and have her turn the TV on and watch wrestling the way I like it! (Laughing!) M. S. – Do you watch anything other than W.W.E.? J. R. – I watch the T.N.A. stuff and some local stuff. M. S. – Those guys are getting bigger but I don’t think it will ever stand up to Vince. J. R. – It won’t. Vince is too far out there! Too far in front! M. S. – Have you ever thought about doing a book? J. R. – As a matter of fact there’s a contract in the works right now to do a DVD instead of a book. One of my blessings is being able to tell people a story, and I think it’s more important for people to be able to see me tell it, rather than to read it. I’d like to call it, “The Life and Death of Jake the Snake Roberts: Beyond the Bulls***!” (Laughing!) M. S. – That way you could control it yourself and you wouldn’t be taken advantage of by somebody else! J. R. - If I do it, I’m only gonna talk about me and nobody else which is a different concept! M. S. – Are you going to talk about the good things? J. R. – Oh yeah! I’m gonna talk about the good things with the bad! M. S. – Do you ever get tired of talking about the bad things? J. R. – I’m not ashamed to talk about what I’ve been through! I think that if you avoid the truth or part of the truth people say you’re hiding. I came out and said, “I’ve got a problem!” Because I didn’t want kids falling into this stuff! In a way, it’s set me free too because I’m not longer hiding this stuff. It helps me daily knowing I’m not a liar! If I were a liar too it would drive me nuts! M. S. – It seems like people are dropping right and left in that sport! J. R. – I’m the only one left! It’s sickening because a lot of them were my friends! M. S. – You’ve used the phrase, “Choose you heart, not your mind” on it. What did you mean by that? J. R. – Always listen to your heart. If you listen to your heart, you will do the right thing. If you listen to your mind, you will do anything! You think long and you think wrong! In other words, you will justify anything that you want to do! But if you throw a quick question to your heart like, “Should I murder?” Your heart says no, but your brain says, “Well, what did he do to you?” You can justify anything with your brain! Go with your heart! It’s like a guy that says he doesn’t believe in God but when he’s dying he says, “Oh God, please help me!” That’s what his heart tells him! M. S. – Name some people that you’ve admired throughout the years in the sport. J. R. – That’s a tough one! I admired Steamboat very, very much! I admired Ronnie Garvin very much! Great talents, great men! I’d take a bullet for either one of them! M. S. – Did you ever work with Jimmy Valiant? J. R. – The Boogie Man! Oh yeah! I love him, man! He’s hard not to love! M. S. – I know! He’s a great friend of mine! J. R. –We spent some time in the Carolinas together! M. S. – Many wrestlers associate you with the term, “ring psychology”. What does that mean to you? J. R. – I used it and everybody should use it! It’s their damn job! It’s when you make people believe what you’re doing! Being real with them while doing it! The match starts when you walk out of the dressing room, not when you get in the ring and not when they ring the bell! It’s the way that you walk and the way that you breathe and the way that you cut your eyes! It’s not looking at one person in the audience but looking at all the people at once! A lot of the guys pick somebody out of the audience and start yelling at them. That’s the last thing I’m gonna do is yell at someone that’s yelling in the audience! That’s what I’m getting paid to do, get them to yell! These idiots that go out there and say, “You’re a fat…” What the hell! She is a fat pig, so what the hell would you expose her for that?! She’s not gonna come back to the show because her kids are laughing at her because she is a fat pig! So, why would you do it? Don’t be an asshole! Don’t be an idiot! That’s what I call, “cheap heat!” When you go for “cheap heat”, you’re not professional! You’re just a desperate, damn fool! That’s what I believe! I didn’t do that crap! Never have, never will! M. S. – I’ve seen you wrestle and I’ve never seen you do it! J. R. – The most I’d do is and look at you and smile and say, “You’re right!” People hate that! If you wanna piss somebody off, tell them they’re right! When they call you an asshole tell them they’re absolutely right, and then smile! Women love it! (Laughing!) Fans don’t want to hear, “I did your momma!” M. S. – It’s funny you mention that because I was photographing an event recently when one of the guys said exactly that! J. R. - It’s sickening and it’s disgusting and you just lost fans! You just told some people they’re not coming back! If I was the promoter, I’d fire that son of a bitch! M. S. – Yeah, there were kids around and everything. J. R. – If they’re gonna talk like that they shouldn’t be in the ring. They should be in the crowd! Desperate people do desperate things! People without talent tend to take measures that have nothing to do with talent! Let’s face it man, that’s just the way people are! People who don’t want to work for it, wind up doing desperate, silly things that cause more disgust than they do anything else! There’s no real heat when 5 guys jump one guy! That’s disgust! We see Evolution and to have 3 guys at ringside when the thing starts? That’s gonna suck! That has nothing to do with wrestling! Desperate people doing desperate things! M. S. – The finale use to happen at the end of the card, but now it starts out with crazy stuff happening! J. R. – They do it that way because the guys in the ring can’t do their job! They’re unable to carry the load, so they throw spice in there to make it taste better. But even if you do that, when you start with the stock of chicken s***, it’s gonna taste like chicken s*** at the end too! It’s sort of like spraying air freshener in the bathroom after you take a dump! “Honey, try this pine air freshener!” Oh, ok! Now it smells like I s*** a pine tree! It still smells like s***! Am I right? M. S. – Yes! (Laughing, hysterically!) J. R. – It just smells like pine needles! What do we go to the bathroom for? To take a s***! You didn’t go in there to pull a pine tree out of your ass! Then don’t spray it with pine needles! Give me a break! (Laughing!) M. S. – You basically invented the D.D.T., right? J. R. – Yep! Every time somebody wins with it, they tell people, “Jake did it! He kicked your ass, so Jake must be better than you are!” See how stupid this is? These guys are going out there and doing it and I’m thinking, “Go ahead and show them I’m better than you are!” That’s psychology right there! When you can take people and make them think they’re doing something smart when they’re doing something stupid! When you hit a guy with 9 clotheslines, you’re not smart! You’re telling the people that you’re a phony and he is too! If I can’t knock a guy on his ass with two lefts and one right, I’m not gonna hit that son of a bitch anymore because I’m not gonna be the guy that can’t knock you on your ass with one punch! I’m damn near 50 years old! I don’t need that bulls***! M. S. – I’m going to mention some names. Tell me what comes to mind when I say them. M. S. - Andre the Giant J. R. – Whatever he wanted to be! The best there was! I loved him! He was a great card player, great man, and a phenomenal wrestler! M. S. – Randy Savage J. R. – (Sighs & pauses for a moment) Needs to quit chewing the coffee grinds! Wound a little bit too tight! I loved wrestling Randy and I had nothing against the man, but he’s wound a little tight! M. S. – Especially when there’s a cobra wrapped around him! (Laughing!) M. S. - Vince McMahon J. R. – Greatest promoter of all time, but I don’t like what he’s done to the business along the way! Jake will be appearing at WrestleReunion in Tampa, Florida on January 28-30. There will be photo opportunities with him and his snake. To get more information on Wrestle Reunion please visit: www.wrestlereunion.com. Link

by Scott Bowden The infamous hotel brawl between Arn Anderson and Sid Vicious (Eudy) in Europe in September 1993 has been well-documented in wrestling squared circles. What hasn't been discussed that much is my incident with big Sid in the dressing room of the Mid-South Coliseum in June 1994. Sid, a huge redneck from West Memphis, Arkansas, started out wrestling in Memphis in 1987 under a hockey mask as Lord Humongous from THE ROAD WARRIOR movie. Three years earlier, in a effort to capitalize on the growing reputation of the Road Warriors tag team, Jerry "The King" Lawler had taken a retired wrestler, Mike Stark, and given him the gimmick of Road Warrior Humongous. Besides Sid, a slew of guys, such as Jeff Van Camp, Randy Lewis and Sid's pal Johnny Rotten, followed with the gimmick over the years. One of his first bouts was a main event, teaming with hot heel Austin Idol, who earlier that year had become the first man in the business to ever cut Jerry Lawler's hair. (Side note: During the '70s and '80s, the easiest way to pack the Mid-South Coliseum was a bout in which the loser got his head shaved. Until the loss to Idol, who was then managed by Paul Heyman, Lawler had never lost a hair match.) Sid was about as green as you might expect, stumbling his way through a brawl with Lawler and Nick Bockwinkle. Over time, Sid developed into a passable worker, getting his first major national push in 1989 as part of the Skyscrapers tag team with Dan Spivey. Because of his size and natural charisma, Sid was cheered by the fans even though a heel. When Vicious suffered an injury, Mean Mark Callous (who later would become The Undertaker in the WWF) took his place alongside Spivey. He returned later as a member of the Four Horsemen, breaking the tradition of having great workers in the heel quartet. Still, Sid was over strong. By October 1990 Sid was headlining against Sting at the Halloween Havoc pay-per-view. Vince McMahon signed him in 1991, giving him a babyface push as Sid Justice, with the plan all along to eventually have him turn on Hulk Hogan. Although Ric Flair's WWF title bout with Randy Savage was billed as the co-main event of WrestleMania VIII in 1992, Sid and Hogan worked last in a match billed as Hogan's possible farewell to the ring. (Laughable in hindsight; Hogan's been milking his retirement for more than 10 years. Of course, Terry Funk's got that beat.) The story goes that Sid double-crossed Vince on the finish by kicking out of Hogan's leg drop, although Sid claimed he did so because either manager Harvey Wippleman (a.k.a. Downtown Bruno) or Papa Shango (the Godfather) didn't make it into the ring in time to break up the pin for the DQ, which was the plan. Before the scissors episode, the most talked about out-of-the-ring incident involving Sid occurred in 1991, a bar altercation with the late Brian Pillman. When Pillman didn't back down, Sid reportedly exited for the parking lot, only to return with a weapon from his car: a squeegee. Sid had also taken a lot of flack over the years for playing softball when he took leaves from work to heal injuries. Sid became Vicious once again upon his return to WCW in 1993. He was in line for the biggest push of his career, with plans to win both of the company's World titles (the WCW and NWA versions) in a unification match against Vader at Starrcade '93. Instead, he was fired by the company after he reportebdly stabbed Anderson with a pair of scissors during an argument that began earlier on a bus transporting the boys. Even though Sid was stabbed with the scissors as well, he was singled out because it was felt he instigated the fight and because Anderson suffered considerably more wounds. WCW instead went with Ric Flair as Vader's opponent at Starrcade, with the Nature Boy winning the strap in an emotional bout. With nowhere else to go, Sid did what a lot of wrestlers did in 1994 when they had nowhere else to go: He returned to Memphis. Since the promotion was working with the WWF, Sid probably figured to shed ring rust and rebuild his reputation for another national run. He was quickly awarded the area's Unified World championship in a forfeit win over Lawler, a small, ironic consolation compared to those WCW belts and payoffs. Although he couldn't have been too thrilled with his situation, he seemed approachable and amiable enough as he often joked around with the boys, including me, in the dressing-room area. One night the joking went a little too far. Sid and I were standing behind the curtain at the Coliseum as we watched a six-man tag match involving Lawler and Doug Gilbert. During the bout Doug missed a spot, and Lawler got noticeably pissed in the ring. Handling the situation in a manner that his brother, Eddie, would have been proud of, Doug took an unscripted powder, leaving the rest of the boys to finish the match. Afterward, a steamed Lawler confronted Doug in the back, screaming at him for being unprofessional. Just when it looked like the two were nearly coming to blows, Sid said something like, "Man, sounds like it's getting out of hand back there." I laughed and said, "Yeah, I hope neither one of them have any scissors." I've never forgotten the look Sid gave me; it sent chills down my spine. Very quietly, but with a menacing tone, he looked down at me and asked, "What the hell does THAT mean?" With my heart racing, I said, "Uh, nothing. I just ... hope there aren't any, uh ... sharp objects around." He nodded his head and then screamed at me to "get the fuck away" from him. I quickly obliged. I ostensibly had heat with him for a long time; however, after a while, I got the feeling that he was ribbing me. All the heels were sitting in the small dressing-room area in Nashville one Saturday night when he abruptly shouted, "Goddamn it, I should have both them NWA belts right now. Instead I'm sitting here in this dump with Scott 'fucking' Bowden." For weeks Sid would tell me that he was begging them to turn him babyface so he could finally get his hands on me and give me a powerbomb. He finally got his wish one night in the metropolis of Jonesboro, Arkansas. I was booked to manage Sid and Doug against Lawler and Brian Christoper (Lawler) in the main event. They were struggling to come up with a finish, one that would end inconclusively but leave the fans happy. Lawler finally suggested the following: After a ref bump (this is a Lawler finish after all), I'm supposed to nail Brian from behind with my Florida State football helmet (given to me by Uncle Bobby) but remain in the ring. Sid would then ready Brian for a powerbomb, but before the move could be completed, Lawler would gouge his eyes from behind. Sid, who wouldn't be able to see at that point, would then grab me by mistake and powerbomb me. Upon hearing the finish, Sid looked at me, shot me a sadistic smile and said, "Bowden, it's time. You thought I'd forgotten about that scissors comment, didn't you? Never! Never!" Later that night, right on cue, Sid positioned me and whispered for me to jump. I closed my eyes as Sid lifted me over his head and sent me crashing into the canvas. Sid was a pro all the way and didn't hurt me in the least. Still, the apparent heat lasted until a softball game at Chicks Stadium in Memphis. The heels, captained by Sid, were playing Lawler and the rest of the babyfaces in a charity game. Although Brian advised me to strike out on purpose to stay in character, I hit two triples, including one to drive in the winning run for the heels. This, of course, thrilled Sid to no end. From then on, he treated me like one of the boys. Should have known that it would take softball to get back in Sid's good graces. Link

Hey, Freddie could be big time if he wasn't stuck behind TO most of the season, he proved that in the playoffs against the Vikings.

You're doing it wrong. Amateur.

From reading some of his articles, it appears that he was a manager in Memphis wrestling. Link His articles are on the left side of the page, under "Kentucky Fried Rasslin." There is some good stuff in the archives.

I'd still fuck her.

uuuhhh, excuse me.... That's hot.

I'd rather not have TO play. It's going to fuck up the rhythm this team has gotten into when McNabb tries to force him the ball once a series.

Marry her. If it didn't stink, marry her.

That worked for me with my ex, and she ended up fucking loving it. Of course that was only the first time, the second time I got a little overzealous and she ended up bleeding, but win some lose some.