Ted the Poster

I hereby bestow upon you my birthday wishes. I wish for you to and get massively and drunk in celebration. Just make sure you give me some birthday wishes tomorrow.

Anybody else think this might be where hookers get their insane prices?

You are worth exactly: $2,282,122.00. I'm rich beeeyotch!

I was watching one of the Autopsy specials on HBO(due to my fascination with the criminal mind), and they did a piece on Chikilato. The Russian court gave him the death penalty, but how they did it pisses me off: a single, painless gunshot to the head. That is bullshit. I would've drawn and quartered his evil ass.

Goddamn right! Jim Carrey got snubbed like he didn't fucking exist, goddammit.

Yeah, it was good, but Super Troopers was funnier. Although seeing Bill Paxton in the movie took me by suprise. Also, Brittany Daniel is hawt. Bearfuckers.

What about 24 hours=24 levels, each consisting of four stages where each has to be beaten in fifteen minutes or less? Oh, and I want to see play-determined scenarios/endings, dammit!

... or help good, unknown actors get noticed. Indeed, it is a pretty original concept for TV.

I read the plot for American Dad, and it looks like Seth either has a smash or another Family Guy-esque cult favorite on his hands. If the promos say "From the creator of Family Guy..." I don't know if I will mark out or place a curse on Rupert Murdock and company. Probably both. Arrested Development is one of the funniest shows on TV along with Scrubs and Monk. Everything on Fox's Sunday lineup is good except for The Simpsons. Although I did laugh a lot when Homer did the dolphin impression last week. Cancel Bernie Mac. He's way overrated, as is his show. I also heard that The Jury isn't a cop show. It's got a different cast every week playing a jury deliberating on a case. Could be interesting. Oliver Beene is great. It's like The Wonder Years meets... um... something much funnier? I loved it when the gay kid's dog blew up. It just seemed so random. Oh, and hooray for Boston Public. Vey good show. I also hope The Practice comes back. James Spader has completely OWNED that show since joining.

Naked Mideon is the only thing to ever make me laugh while truly horrified at the same time.

Do not masturbate with sandpaper for more than two minutes per masturbatory session. Any longer presents a high risk of friction burn.

Nightwolf was pretty cool, though his fatalities seemed really lacking. I've always hated Mileena though, because EVERYBODY who plays as her knows that fucking roll-teleport kick-sai combo. Plus that nail spitting fatality sucks ass.

Goddamn people are fucking idiots. Employee: Can I have my check? Manager: Oh, I'll give you your check. Now take your clothes off. Employee: Uh... okay. Say, what's that rubber glove for?

Oh, crap. Of every company they could've considered- any of 'em- they chose a company that has the non-MK experience of ONE GAME. Question is, what will a game without MK-style gameplay be like? Oh well, at least Tao Feng had decent graphics. Too bad the gameplay sucked a monkey's nut. Wait a minute- looks like fun at first glance and then after trying it for a while you realize it sucks... yep, that sounds like most of the current WWE product to me.

I must need new eyes. Superstar??? Meltzer got into RVD's stash.

What does Edwards have to do with the Bush administration's fuck-ups? Besides, I was going to vote for him mainly because he's from my area and he isn't going to win anyway(gotta root for the underdog!), but shit like that just makes me think "We're fucked no matter who wins, so to hell with voting". Every president since Eisenhower has been a moron on some level, be it infidelity, bigotry, or just plain stupidity.

Yup. Just relaxing. Without shirts. Yup. Juuust relaxing. Well, I'm sure they come back from a match... Speaking of which...where ARE they right now? Source: Prowrestling.com

The fuck?! Apparently he forgot to say "Who's a good cripple? You are! That's right; you are, you adorable little thing! Cootchie cootchie coo!" He's lost my potenial vote and a lot of others unless he redeems himself pretty goddamn fast. The Joe Scarboroughs, Bill O'Reillys and Sean Hannitys across the nation can/will have a field day with this.

I saw Monster again yesterday; 8/10, and it's ALL for Charlize Theron. I also saw Coming to America, one of the five funniest movies EVER, 8.5/10. Today I'm going to watch the Killer Klowns from Outer Space DVD I picked up last week. Cheeesy goodness!

Hey yo Batman, it lookth like I finally gots you c-c-cornered. Now I thuppose I need to tell you my evil thkeme. Do you wanna know what it is? Do youwannaknowwhatitis? D'you wan' know what it is? Well, I'mmm gonna bring Prohibithon to Gotham! Bwa ha ha! Hic! *throws up and passes out* ..... Damn, that was bad. Hall though reminds me of an episode of Time Squad where Beethoven was a pro wrestler. Oh come on, I know somebody else must've seen it! Anybody??? Oh, and I think Hall and Nash's tag team should be called Sip and Crip.

Man, that game was the shit back in the day. Human volleyball rules. Oh, and to stay on topic, GI has always sucked and will continue to suck, as will XBN and PSM. Ultra Game Players was awesome though, and it sucks that no other mag has been able to live up to it in terms of quality. Oh, and Andrew, take it from an Adam who doesn't write moronic bias "reviews"; Howling Blood is at least ten times better than Neo Blood. The controls are improved, though some super moves are hard to pull off. On the Tekken/SC subject: it's hella fun to use King or Nina and fucking OWN that cheap-ass Paul Phoenix. I know that adds nothing to the argument, but I just wanted to get my two cents in since fighting games are my favorite genre next to PC adventure games.

Good show; the joke about "Jesus Horses" had me rolling. Also, what the fuck is Ed the Sock?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

MMMMM, camel toe... Click!

Somebody's been eating their Psychic-O's in the morning OOO-oooo!