Ted the Poster

This is the dialogue of an after school special.

Hey now! My Jake Roberts Scale is a tried and true method.

Oh Christ, he's quoting his own book. He's either uncreative or HAMMERED.

Ric's so drunk he forgot to mention face and heel in his list of hated words.

For anybody planning to get it, Day of Reckoning sucks.

No, he adopted "Snitsky" to be more marketable Thanks. Ass. I like how marks think the pumphandle position somehow makes the move more powerful.

Is Gene Stnitsky his real name? I've never seen this guy before WWE. Venis~!

Fuck you!

The Trantul-uh? Nice.

That scale is the greatest thing I've ever invented. Also the first. I made the cotton gin. No, Nova invented the cotton gin and the Jake Roberts scale. Bullshit. I did it last week. ..... Oh, it was a joke... sorry.

Lean Dean Body Cream!?!

That scale is the greatest thing I've ever invented. Also the first.

He has the Shelton Splash. Pfft. A splash only works if you weigh 300+ pounds. One word: Sting. I meant "works" as in it looks both effective and painful. It was a bit hard to buy the Stinger Splash, even when I was a mark.

He has the Shelton Splash. Pfft. A splash only works if you weigh 300+ pounds.

I wish they'd give Shelton a finisher.

If Bret gives out his shades in his entrance I will mark out uncontrollably.

It's good news, but I hope Conan doesn't have to take on Leno's role as "Master of Predictable Jokes". It also makes me wonder who'll replace Conan on Late Night.

Damn, and I thought Leno was horrible. Fucking hell.

Peter: "I'd say 'Come again?', and then I'd laugh because I said come.." Diane Simmons: "Tom, I'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous closet-case." Tom Tucker: "Bit of breaking news, we now go live to Diane being a bitch. Diane?" My favorite Stewie quote ever: "And yea, God said to Abraham 'You shall kill your son Isaac. And Abraham said 'I'm sorry, I can't hear you- you'll have to speak into the microphone.' And God said "Oh I'm sorry, is this better? Check, check, check. Jerry, pull the high end out; I'm still getting some hiss back here.'"

Maybe it was seeing the website address www.worlddominationinc.us?

"This one goes out to Jeff from Tom, for helping get him those actual real life hot woman hook ups earlier tonight. Congradulations Jeff, I hope you pop one for me, your pal Casey Kasem." "If you like Pina Coladas..."

Say this in the voice of an infomercial announcer, it's fun. I don't know why. Try Casey Kasem and Rod Roddy too. The more enthusiastic you are, the better it sounds.

It may not seem like they're religious, but they all secretly worship Pan, the goat god.

Thank you for that beautiful description Martha Lazarus. Eat my corn-filled fecal matter, Jew. The hell?

D'oh! I knew I should've tried to understand the new format better. You're right though, by the looks of things the roast should easily go to Vos and Bodden.