Alright, last night, i felt like writing and wrote a little something for a gaming board I go to. I figure I'll show it to ya'll too. If ya'll think it's any good, I'll make separate topic and start doing every week or so. I've had a writing itch lately, and I haven't known what to do with it till now.
...there was only one game that I could play with my dad without him calling it a something kiddy, saying it's all me, that he couldn't do it, and walk away hoping that there was a good western on tonight. And kids, that game would be the NES version of a little arcade shooter called Cabal. It's not a well-known game, but I'm sure most of have heard of it before. If you haven't, contact your local library or Wikipedia, whichever is quicker to get to. And if you're really lazy and hope I will have picture of video representations of what the hell I'm talking about... you're in luck. Damn.
That ladies and gentlemen, is a game. Aaaah, why can't I be young and not have to worry about insurance and apartment rent payments? So basically, this game is all about shooting shit up. No hiding behind buildings with camo built into your outfit and waiting for something called a Frog to walk by. Nope, you shoot the shit out of little green people that look like Army Men if they had flexibility, movement, and better personalities than any of the Jebus forsaken Army Men games. On a side note, my roommate has one of those Army Men games, and I can't tell you how many times I want to toss that shit out of the window to see if any of those loud fucking ducks near the pond will be retarded and think it's edible. That'll solve lots of problems right there.
So you're shooting all sorts of green people, tanks, jeeps, and helicopters that all have one mission and that is to blow you up into an unidentified level of hell. Could be 3-5, I don't know. Along the way, we change up the colors a bit and have guys in gray run out trying to toss bombs out you, but you can take them out and watch some medics who look like they're running with a fire pole up their ass come and take them away. But they only take the gray ones away. What did they do to deserve special treatment and something to wear besides green? Did they get shot in the buttock or something? Also, you will have to deal with bombers dropping either very heavy shells, or...um... what do bombers drop? Oh yeah, BOMBS on you. And if THAT wasn't enough, soldiers can creep out of the water and shoot at you on several levels too. My God, what the hell did you do to have the entire country of Vietnam and some unnamed country in the Middle East wanting to kill you dead?
So what do you have that will protect you against this insanity? A gun, some grenades, a couple of power-ups, a few walls here and there, and a hailmary full of grace that you can survive since the walls are seemingly made of cardboard and will collapse in no time. This thing is like Space Invaders if your cover in Space Invaders was your blanket that you were tucked in at night with. But that's ok, cause the game is a blasty blast to just run around like a damn banshee just shooting anything in sight no matter how many times you see the same death animation over and over. It's just KILL THE GREEN/SOMETIMES GREY PEOPLE! NO MERCY! Don't worry about minimizing civilian casualties in this one. It's fair game to blow anything up, and I do mean anything. Planes, copters, and the ingredients for Soylent Green aren't the only thing that can get shot up. Just like your wall that's probably made up of notebook paper, nearly everything on the screen can be destroyed. Walls, towers, buildings, fighter planes, and even freaking caves later on. You can destroy a cave in a hail of bullets. If we had that logic today, catching Osama Bin Laden would be so much easier. "Come out now Osama, or I will shoot multiple bullets into all caves I come across and you will probably die at some point!" And in a moment that I can't believe was missed because at one time, Nintendo was actually anal about anything that was put in the games that were made for their system, there is a church on here, complete with holy cross that can be BLOWN OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH! Don't believe me? With the power of the youtube and this Sogeking fella, here is the proof.
And now that you know something that you will probably forget after you decide to google cosplay pictures of Cammy, let's continue on by letting you know this game has 20 stages of good ol shooting shit up fun. Me and my dad would just sit around and play it all the time going through the game wondering if we were ever gonna see that final boss. Before that though, we had to through a whole bunch of nice, challenging stages with a celebration dance at the end that makes the Macarena look borderline genius in every shape and form. It looks like someone stuck a rabid squirrel down their pants and starts trying to dance. And then somehow, they were going forward while doing this too. That's 20 rabid squirrel dances (40 if it's 2 player) that you had to see to beat this game. The bosses were pretty fun, and it actually changed up the music, which I'm sad to say is the major flaw here. It's the same pretty bland, just there music for every level except when you take on a boss. When it's boss time kiddos, you get some music with character and business just picks up. Unfortunately, you go back to the same eh music after that's over. But that's alright, cause you're still laughing at the boss of level 3, which is basically a 18 wheeler dropping off what looks to be giant dryer machines that you see at your local laundromat in the bad part of your neighborhood and it SHOOTS BULLETS AT YOU! Where can I get one of those? I'm willing to bargain, bargain, bargain!
The final boss feels tacked on and not like a real boss, but I was willing to overlook that cause I was about 7 at the time. Today, it looks kinda silly, but back then Rare had me hook line and sinker like they would years later when they put out Goldeneye 007 and make me their bitch until they ran off to Microsoft like the Baltimore Colts leaving for Indianapolis in the middle of the night. That was a damn long sentence, but I think you understand where I'm coming from. Bottom line, this game was a big part of my childhood, probably more than any of the Zeldas, Metroids, and Pits of the world. Mario would always reign supreme in my mind of course, but I digress and move on back to telling you that this was an excellent game for me as a kid. It doesn't hold up as well as I was hoping, but that's probably cause I'm only playing one player and it's more fun to play it with another fellow master of war who is willing to the rabid squirrel dance 20 times with you until you beat this game and get that high score you dream of every night. But I think it's at least worth one play and it isn't going to a waste of your time. Looking back... Cabal was a game that brought together my dad and I better than any other game and helped in leading me down the path towards video game obsession. Thanks you little green bastards!