Smackdown!
August 31, 2006
The pyro explodes and Michael Cole and Tazz welcome us all to another excited edition of Smackdown! Before anything can happen, some familiar music plays…
Here Comes The Money!
Cole: Oh my God! It’s Shane McMahon!
Tazz: We haven’t seen Shane on Smackdown in ages!
Shane gets a decent reaction from the crowd and smoothly enters the ring. He is handed a microphone.
Shane: First off, let me just say that it’s great to be on Smackdown again! Now, I know a lot of you must be wondering why I’m here, so I will get straight to the point. The World Wrestling Federation board of directors got together this week and decided that Smackdown is in need of a General Manager. Raw has found some stability under the leadership of Shawn Michaels, so the board hopes that similar structure can be found here as well. Now, you must be wondering who the new GM will be? The board was kind enough to leave that decision to me and… (the music of Don Callis cuts Shane off, and Don makes his way to the ring with a mic).
Callis: Shane, my good friend! If you need a general manager, look no further than your’s truly. I am a fully educated man, which is more than you can say about most people within this company. I know you are a smart man, Shane, that is why you will name Don Callis as the new GM of Smackdown!
Shane: Well, Don, actually I was…. (Shane is cut off by the new music of Erik Watts, as he makes his entrance yanks the mic from Callis).
Erik: Whoa, Shane. Don is right, you are a smart man! That is why you won’t even consider handing over GM duties to this jack-ass over here! I’m a born leader, Shane. I was the Director of Authority on TNA and I was fair and impartial. It is only logical to name me as the new GM.
Shane: Very good points, Erik, but… (Rhyno’s theme blasts through the arena, and Rhyno and Mike Sanders appear on the stage).
Rhyno: Whoa, whoa, whoa! If I could be FRANK, Erik Watts and Don Callis both SUCK!
Sanders: That’s right. Why hand GM duties over to either of those two failures? Why not me, Shane. I’m the manager of the WWF Champion! I know how to create successful results, which is more than either of those two losers can say. (Erik and Don are now arguing).
Shane: If you could all shut up for just a moment, I have something to say. All three of you have made your cases, and quite frankly you all made decent to good points. The position of GM will go to one of you three, but only to the one of you who makes the smartest decision tonight. You see, Smackdown isn’t about managers standing around arguing with one another, it is about the talented Smackdown superstars duking it out in the ring. That is why each of you will pick one representative to compete in a triple threat match tonight! Whoever’s man wins the match, will become the new General Manager of Smackdown! (Callis looks pissed, but Erik Watts appears to be very understanding of Shane’s decision).
Tazz: You hear that, Cole? What a main event that is going to be!
Cole: That’s right, Tazz! Shane McMahon has made a huge impact tonight!
Commercial.
After the break, Tazz is standing in the ring with a card. Jay and Mark Briscoe are in the ring, ready for a match.
Tazz: The board of directors have informed me that a trade has been made between Raw and Smackdown! Starting this Monday night, the team of Matt Hardy and Matt Stryker will be official Raw superstars. In exchange, Smackdown would like to welcome our newest tag team… Ken Shamrock and Simon Diamond!
Cole: Oh My God! The greatest tag team in the history of Raw is now on Smackdown!
Shamrock and Diamond vs Briscoe Boys
Match Background: Shamrock and Diamond are making their Smackdown debut.
The Match: J.Briscoe gets slammed down hard and winces in pain. Jay Briscoe takes a butterfly suplex from Shamrock. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between Ken Shamrock and Simon Diamond. Shamrock and Diamond hook up J.Briscoe, then hit a double suplex. Hooks the leg for a two count. BIG clothesline on J.Briscoe. Jay Briscoe is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Flying reverse elbow by Jay Briscoe. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Mark Briscoe. Super kick by Mark Briscoe. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Flying elbow from Mark Briscoe connects. M.Briscoe goes for a splash but Diamond puts the knees up. Hard impact Russian Leg Sweep by Diamond. According to some other reviewers around here, 'legsweep' is one word. Diamond tags out to Ken Shamrock. Shamrock drives a HARD forearm into the chest of M.Briscoe. M.Briscoe tags out to Jay Briscoe. BIG clothesline on J.Briscoe. Jay Briscoe sets up Shamrock as the partner goes to ringside and gets a steel chair. Mark Briscoecomes in and swings, but Ken Shamrock ducks and Jay Briscoe gets blasted in the face with the chair instead! Jay Briscoe is in trouble. Here it comes - Belly To Belly. 1....2...3, it's finished. Shamrock and Diamond climb opposite turnbuckles, working the crowd as they celebrate their victory.
My Opinion: As close to a ***** match as possible...but unfortunately, it was missing something, so I can only give it ****3/4.
Tazz: What an awesome debut by Shamrock and Diamond!
Cole: The Briscoes gave it their all, but the experience of Ken Shamrock and Simon Diamond shined through!
Tazz: What the hell does this mean for the tag team division!
Winners at 15:43: Ken Shamrock and Simon Diamond
Sanders Makes His Pick
Backstage, Mike Sanders enters the SARS locker-room. Rhyno, Chuck Palumbo, Bill DeMott, Reno, and Rodney Mack all quiet down.
Bill: So, who’s it going to be?
Sanders: Who do you think, Bill? You? Reno? Don’t make me laugh, this triple threat match is too important to mess around with. I must become GM tonight to ensure that our group can continue to run this show the way we have been! Otherwise Rhyno might have to defend his title on a weekly basis!
Rhyno: AND THAT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Sanders: Exactly.
Rodney: Then let me represent you, Mike. Let me make up for my loss last week.
Sanders: This isn’t the time for that. You can redeem yourself, but not when the GM position is on the line. My representative in the match tonight will be none other than Rhyno!
Cole: I can’t say I’m surprised, Tazz! I don’t think anyone wants Mike Sanders to become GM more than Rhyno!
Tazz: This is a huge, Cole! Who will want to face Rhyno tonight under those circumstances!
Cruiserweight Championship: Frankie Kazarian © vs Scoot Andrews
Match Background: This match is for the WWF Cruiserweight title. Frankie Kazarian has been WWF Cruiserweight champion since 16 July 2006. In a six-man tag match, Andrews pinned Kazarian last week on Smackdown, earning himself a title shot!
The Match: Scoot uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! VICIOUS lightning kick by Scoot on Kazarian. Hooks the leg for a two count. Kazarian backdrops Scoot Andrews out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Frankie Kazarian. Kazarian hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. THERE IT IS! A legdrop to the BACK OF THE HEAD! I swear, that makes any match just a little bit better. I don't mind telling you that every time I see it, that's for sure. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tor-NADO DDT from Frankie Kazarian, Scoot got planted! Pin, but Scoot is out just before the three count. Kazarian uses a basement dropkick to the knee and it looks like it might be TIME TO GO TO SCHOOL~! Scoot counters an arm wringer with an elbow to the side of the head. GORGEOUS Spinning bulldog in the corner and Kazarian is down. There's a two count on the pin. Kazarian walks into a face crusher variation. Has anyone's face ever really been crushed by one of those though? Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Flying elbow from Scoot Andrews connects. Spinning back kick from Scoot Andrews. Scoot walks into a drop toe hold. Frankie Kazarian hits a rolling kick on Scoot. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Tor-NADO DDT from Frankie Kazarian, Scoot got planted! Scoot Andrews is in trouble. Here it comes - Wave Of The Future. 1....2...3, it's finished.
My Opinion: I'd love to see a rematch and see if they can top this. ****
Cole: What an awesome display of cruiserweight action, exclusive to Smackdown!
Tazz: That’s what the cruiserweight division is all about, fast-paced action and high risk maneuvers!
Jamie Noble comes running down the aisle with a chair and into the ring! Kazarian turns...and is dropped by a vicious chair shot! Jamie Noble has left Kazarian down and bloodied.
Cole: What the hell is Jamie Noble doing!
Tazz: It would appear that he wants a shot at Kazarian’s title!
Cole: He should try winning some matches.
Tazz: Well, he was on the winning team last week! He got some good shots in at Kazarian in that six-man tag!
Cole: Even still, this is no way to go about earning a title shot! Kazarian just won fair and square!
Winner at 13:59 and STILL Cruiserweight Champion: Frankie Kazarian
Callis makes his pick.
Callis enters his dressing room. Matt Hardy and Matt Stryker are standing, Low-Ki and AJ Styles are sitting.
Hardy: Why the hell didn’t you tell us that we were heading to Raw?
Callis: Because I didn’t know!
Stryker: Whatever. We’ll be better off over there, on our own! (The two storm out).
Callis: Fine! You two were holding us back anyways! So, which one of you would like to represent me tonight?
Low-Ki: It would be an honor to face Rhyno this evening. One honorable champion, against another honorable champ (looks at the U.S. title over his shoulder).
Styles: If he wants to, let him. I have some plans of my own tonight.
Callis: Well, that works out then. Low-Ki will represent me in the triple-threat match!
Cole: My God! First Rhyno gets entered into the match and now Low-Ki!
Tazz: This match is going to be brutal!
WWF Tag Team Championship: Basham Brothers © vs Kanyan and Sean O'Haire
Match Background: Basham Brothers are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. This match is for the WWF Tag Team titles. Basham Brothers have been WWF Tag Team champions since 20 August 2006.
The Match: Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Danny Basham by Kanyon. Remember when that was a legit finish? Big piledriver on Danny. There's a two count on the pin. Tag between Chris Kanyon and Sean O'Haire. Kanyan and O'Haire whip Danny into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Fallaway slam by Sean O'Haire puts down Danny Basham. Hooks the leg for a two count. O'Haire scoops and slams Danny Basham. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Sean O'Haire misses a clothesline. Death valley driver by Danny Basham! No one executes that move properly anymore. Tag to Doug Basham. Basham slams Sean O'Haire down and motions to the crowd. Spear by Doug Basham. Sean O'Haire elbows Doug Basham in the face to break a hammerlock. O'Haire tags out to Chris Kanyon. Basham walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Chris Kanyon connects and Doug Basham is down! Pin, but Basham is out just before the three count. STIFF~! chop lights up Basham who covers up to try and stop the agonizing PAIN! Kanyon goes for a splash but Basham puts the knees up. Kanyon walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. Basham Brothers have Chris Kanyon to themselves. Double DDT! 1....2....3! It's over. O'Haire and Kanyon remain in the ring, arguing. Chris Kanyon looks really angry. Sean O'Haire pushes Kanyon away and walks off, looking furious.
My Opinion: Almost got a **** match, but was lacking in certain areas, so i'm knocking off a quarter of a star. Yes, there is such a thing as a quarter star. ***3/4.
Tazz: Great title defense by the Bashams!
Cole: Look at Sean O’Haire though, he is beside himself. Wait, he’s coming over here and grabbing a headset…
O’Haire: Shut up, Cole! I just wanted to say that I’ve had enough of this tag team bull$@!&! When was the last time Sean O’Haire got a fair shake in this damn company? When was the last time I got any respect? I’m a former U.S. Champ! I’m a former tag champ! It’s high time Sean O’Haire got a spot in main events! This brand belongs to me, but no one knows that yet!
Tazz: Ambitious words from the world’s most evil man.
Winners at 6:34 and STILL WWF Tag Champions: The Basham Brothers
Erik Watts Makes his Pick.
Josh Matthews is standing beside Erik Watts. He asks Erik if he’s found a representative yet?
Erik: I spoke to a lot of the boys in the back and most did not like the idea of confronting not only Rhyno, but Low-Ki as well. Luckily, I found a rather enthusiastic volunteer. My pick tonight is none other than Chad Collyer!
Cole: Holy crap!
Tazz: It makes sense. Last week Collyer became the number one contender for the U.S. title and Low-Ki, our U.S. champion, is in the triple-threat tonight!
Nunzio, Tracy Smothers, and Trent Acid vs Orlando Jordan, Johnny Stamboli, and Ultimo Dragon
Match Background: Orlando Jordan has been wanting to get his hands on Nunzio. Johnny Stamboli is picking up a reputation as being the “go-to” guy when someone needs a tag team partner. Acid and Dragon are in the match to add some edge to the match.
The Match: Dropkick connects to the BUTT of the jaw and Acid goes down. Hard back suplex on Acid. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Ultimo tags out to Johnny Stamboli. Johnny Stamboli with a spinning neckbreaker on Acid. Arn Anderson-like Spinebuster by Johnny Stamboli, executed to perfection. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Orlando Jordan. Stamboli \ Jordan whip Acid into the corner. Johnny Stamboli whips Orlando Jordan in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. Flying elbow from Orlando Jordan connects. Jordan walks into a drop toe hold. Second rope flying axe handle, Jordan goes down. One day, Acid might even consider coming off the top with that. You know...for more impact and stuff. Tag to Tracy Smothers. Jordan gets caught with a short powerbomb from Smothers. Front legsweep slam aka The Stroke by Tracy Smothers. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Tracy Smothers snap suplexes Jordan HARD to the canvas! And again! A pair of clotheslines follow and...yep, Smothers is a HOUSE...EN...FUEGO~! Smothers tags out to Nunzio. Nunzio drives a HARD forearm into the chest of Jordan. Jordan tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Jordan kicks Nunzio in the gut to reverse the momentum. Jordan tags out to Ultimo Dragon. Hard back suplex on Nunzio. Come to think of it, that move had WAY too much power in No Mercy for N64. Nunzio tags out to Trent Acid. Acid hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Ultimo reverses a waistlock. Ultimo Dragon moves in for the kill. Flipping Reverse DDT!!! That shook the ring. 1....2....3!!
My Opinion: A ***3/4 rating! Yay!
Cole: What a great match! Not only did we see some awesome cruiserweight action between Trent Acid and Ultimo Dragon, but Orlando Jordan got to tie up with Nunzio!
Tazz: Yeah, but what the hell is up with Johnny Stamboli? First he helps out Chad Collyer and Paul London, and now he’s helping out the likes of Orlando Jordan?
Cole: Is it so strange to find a man who just does the right thing?
Tazz: Well, yeah!
Winners at 7:11: Orlando Jordan, Johnny Stamboli, and Ultimo Dragon
AJ Styles is angry.
Styles makes his entrance and grabs a mic.
Styles: I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. My loss to Rob Van Dam at Summerslam was the most embarrassing moment of my entire career! A year ago to that day, I was defending my WWF Championship against RVD and I kicked his ass! A year ago to this day, I was reminding J.R. Ryder that I was the better man! Now where am I today? I’m nothing! (Huge pop from audience). I haven’t received a single rematch for the WWF Championship since losing it at Wrestlemania! I reigned for an entire year! How could I have sunken so low? Then I stopped and thought some more. There appears to be someone who has taken my spot. This someone just headlined the same pay-per-view that I did last year. He received a title shot, and I didn’t. So that is why I’m calling out Paul London, so he can explain himself to me! Maybe he can explain why he’s getting opportunities over me, who has accomplished so much!
London comes out and gets in Style’s face.
London: Why? WHY, you ask? You sound like an asshole, AJ! Maybe my getting opportunities over you comes from my tendency to do things you can’t, like say… winning matches!
Styles (yanking mic back): Very cute, Paul! But before we go any further, let me show you a clip from Smackdown from last November!
The clip is from October 2004, and has AJ Styles defending the WWF Championship against Paul London. London is going for a Shooting Star Press but Styles gets up while London is in position. He flips London off the rope and sets him up for a Styles Clash! AJ then wins the match.
London: Okay, so you were the better man that night. Too bad that was a year ago, things change.
Styles: That’s not how I see it. You owe me big, Paul. You stole my spot.
Styles then nails London in the head with the microphone. With London down, Styles lifts him back up for a styles clash! London reverses it and throws Styles over the top rope. With Styles down on the floor, London exits the ring and waits for Styles to get up. When Styles is at his feet, London nails him with a running enziguri. Styles is out cold, as London plays to the audience!
Low Ki vs Chad Collyer vs Rhyno
Match Background: This will be a triangle bout. Rhyno is the reigning WWF World champion, and has been since 16 July 2006. Low Ki is the reigning WWF United States champion, and has been since 20 August 2006. Rhyno is representing Mike Sanders, Low-ki is representing Don Callis, and Chad Collyer is representing Erik Watts.
The Match: Chad Collyer connects with a back heel kick on Rhyno and gets back up quickly. Chad Collyer kicks the leg, knocks Low Ki down, and goes to work on it. Rhyno reverses a waistlock. BAAACK Body drop by Collyer gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Low Ki almost belly-to-belly suplexes Rhyno through the mat. What? It's possible. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Low Ki takes a flying neckbreaker from Chad Collyer. Low Ki counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Rhyno \ Low Ki whip Collyer into the ropes and hit a double back elbow. Mick Foley-esque Double Arm DDT by Rhyno connects as Collyer is down! Rhyno gets caught with a belly to belly suplex from Low Ki! Rhyno blocks a punch. BIG clothesline on Collyer. Rhyno gets a roll-up...and grabs a handful of tights as well! The referee doesn't see it: 1....2...3!!
My Opinion: Great match. Most people would give it ****3/4 or more, but I guess I'm a harsh grader. ****1\2 for you.
Cole: DAMMIT! Rhyno just cheated to win the match!
Tazz: Hm, Mike Sanders is the new GM? Sounds good to me!
Cole: How can you say that? SARS is going to be totally out of control now!
The entire SARS group comes out and lifts Rhyno over their shoulders and parading out of the exit. Meanwhile Low-Ki locks a dragon sleeper on Collyer!
Cole: What the hell is Low-Ki doing now!
Tazz: He hasn’t forgotten that Collyer is the number one contender for his U.S. title!
Paul London comes running down to make the save. He throws Low-Ki out of the ring. As he’s doing this, AJ Styles (with a band-age over his head) runs in with a chair and as London turns around, nails him in the head with it. London is busted open!
Winner at 11:34: Rhyno
The show ends with AJ Styles standing over the bleeding (and out cold) Paul London.
