WWF Raw!
August 21, 2006
The Degenerates are Waiting
Before the show even officially begins, The Coach creeps up on Adam Hastey and Austin Lee, who are both hiding in a corner armed with baseball bats.
Coach: Hey guys! What are you up to?
Lee: QUIET! We are waiting for Shawn Michaels to arrive!
Coach: Oh, that’s right, last week you said you were going to beat him up this week?
Hastey: That’s right, now go away before we include you in our evening plans.
Lee: Yes, bugger off. We have a hypocrite in need of disposing. I mean, do we really need a hypocrite as GM? Hell, do we even really need a GM in the first place?!? Smackdown hasn’t had a GM in months, and they get by just fine.
Hastey: Now scram!
The music and the pyro plays! Mike Tenay and Al Snow welcome us to Raw and thank everyone who joined them for last night’s Summerslam pay-per-view! They also announce that in tonight’s main event, Chris Benoit will put his World title on the line against none other than Raven!
Triple H vs Billy Kidman
Match Background: Billy Kidman holds a couple of victories over Evolution members. Last night at Summerslam, Triple H interfered in the Raw main event.
Tenay: Last night Triple H helped Chris Benoit retain the World Heavyweight Championship! I cannot wait to hear what Shawn Michaels has to say about that!
Snow: That’s assuming he even makes it to the ring. Adam Hastey and Austin Lee both looked pretty focused!
The Match: Standing leg lariat by Billy Kidman on HHH. HHH reverses a waistlock. Billy Kidman takes a right hand to the temple from HHH. I bet those hurt more than Sgt. Slaughter's Noogies. The ref is bumped, as goes down after accidentally getting caught by an elbow to the face. Flapjack from HHH on Kidman. Pinfall attempt, but the ref is out and can't count to three! Triple H misses a clothesline. Billy Kidman hits a rolling kick on HHH. Konnan has ruined any chance for me ever enjoying this maneuver again with his shitty execution of it. Lightning kick by Kidman on HHH. Covers for a quick two count. Tiger suplex on HHH. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Billy Kidman misses a clothesline. Triple H DDTs Kidman, but it just looked terrible. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! Billy Kidman is able to duck a clothesline attempt and connect with a counter clothesline. Randy Orton comes running down the aisle and into the ring! Triple H turns around. Randy Orton spins HHH around. Randy Orton hits the RKO! Orton leaves the ring, the damage done! The ref gets into position, administers the three count, and it's over. Billy Kidman pins HHH. Randy Orton obviously hasn't finished his attack yet! Triple H stands up. Randy Orton spins HHH around. Randy Orton hits the RKO! Randy Orton eventually leaves, having caused enough damage.
My Opinion: A wise man once said 'Can I get a side of bland with that bland'. He's dead now, though. That's what this match was...bland. **
Tenay: What the hell! Randy Orton got some measure of revenge on Triple H, but now he has interfered in a match as well! Shawn Michaels is not going to be happy!
Snow: That’s right, Mike. HBK has been a fair GM and I cannot imagine him playing favorites with Randy Orton.
Winner at 5:09: Billy Kidman
Ozzy’s Time
The Coach is standing backstage with Ozzy Benton. Coach asks Ozzy how he feels about the beatdown he got at the hands of Rico.
Ozzy: You know, it’s never a good thing to get my ass kicked, but all I can say is good riddance! I hope those two freaks are happy together, because I’m happy without them! I’m Ozzy Benton, dammit! I am hereby naming myself the Rookie of the Year, due to the fact that I rule and I’m going to make an awesome singles competitor! I don’t need Lodi, I don’t need Rico, all I need to know is that I am the very best rookie in the WWE. Everyone one sucks but me.
Punk and Dinero vs The New Rainbow Express
Match Background: The New Rainbow Express used to be a regular team, but have been inactive for a while. Whether this match will lead to a reformation as an active unit remains to be seen.
The Match: Bodyslam by Punk. Punk hits a piledriver on Lodi. That used to end matches, you know. Hooks the leg for a two count. Tag between CM Punk and Julio Dinero. Punk and Dinero whip Lodi into the corner. Julio Dinero whips CM Punk in for a hard clothesline to follow-up. BAAACK Body drop by Lodi gets a bit of a pop from the crowd. Hooks the leg for a two count. Lodi takes a headbutt from Julio Dinero. Lodi ducks a wild right hand. Slingshot clothesline by Lodi, who almost messed it up by slipping on the ropes. Tag between Lodi and Rico. Julio Dinero walks into a chop to the pecs. Ouchy. Rico DDTs Dinero, but it just looked terrible. Julio Dinero avoids a Rico avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Tag to CM Punk. Vicious back suplex! Rico got nailed big time! Tiger suplex on Rico. No Misawa references from me, I swear. Oh, dammit. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! CM Punk connects with rights and lefts and Rico is down! Rico flips out of a CM Punk bodyslam attempt. Big clothesline from Rico. Punk scores with a forearm, sending Rico down into the corner. The referee pulls CM Punk away to get the break. Wait! Rico has pulled something out of his tights. CM Punk walks over...and gets floored by a punch! 1....2....3! The referee never saw the brass knuckles! Punk and Dinero are making their way back down the aisle...but get jumped by Test and Christian! Julio Dinero gets dropped throat-first onto the guard rail, and then Punk is double suplexed on the entrance ramp! Test and Christian storm the ring...and attack The New Rainbow Express as well! Rico gets wiped out with the Testified! Lodi doesn't fair any better, and gets beaten to the floor with punches and kicks. Test and Christian have destroyed both teams!
My Opinion: I can be generous sometimes. Well, depends on your definition of generous. **1/4.
Tenay: The Beautiful People have attacked the Gathering!
Snow: They must be upset over the loss at the pay-per-view!
Tenay: What a terrible night for Punk and Dinero! Not only did Rico and Lodi just steal that victory, but they have suffered a brutal beat down in addition!
Winners at 7:12: Rico and Lodi
(Commercial!)
The GM Returns
HBK’s music plays, surprising everyone in the building!
Tenay: What? We didn’t even know Michaels had arrived yet!
Snow: Haha, Lee and Hastey must be napping or something!
HBK dances down to the ring and promptly gets a microphone.
HBK: I know it’s been a few weeks, but Shawn Michaels is back, baby! I have several things to get to, but first thing is first. It was bad enough that Triple H interfered in the World title match at Summerslam, but to have Randy Orton interfere in response is disappointing. I did not make the New Rule just so everyone could interfere anyway, willing to take whatever consequence I might throw at them, whether it be an undesirable match or a suspension. I have decided that this needs to end, and I have decided that I am going to make an example out of Triple H and Randy Orton. I am not sure how I am going to go about this just yet, but I just want you two to be warned… neither of you are going to like it. Also, I would like to take this time to announce that starting next week, Raw is going to hold an eight-man tournament! The participants will be chosen over the course of this coming week, by me, based on standing in the WWE. The winner of the tournament will receive a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship at Unforgiven!
Tenay: Wow, what a huge development!
Suddenly, Austin Lee’s music plays. Lee appears on the stage.
Lee: HBK! How good it is to see you, we missed you last week! Oh, just so you know, Adam Hastey is going to run through the audience with a bat and beat the crap out of you!
HBK gets into a fighting position. He looks around at all corners to see where Hastey might emerge from. Suddenly, Hastey appears out of the crowd by the commentators booth and charges at HBK in the ring with the bat. HBK dodges the bat shot and sends Hastey down with a clothesline! By this time, Austin Lee has made it to the ring as well, also armed with a bat. Lee connects with a brutal bat shot across the gut of HBK. Michaels is down on his knees, so Lee connects with another shot across his bad back.
Tenay: This is disgusting! Those two young punks have no respect for Shawn Michaels!
Snow: They are just doing what HBK did for years, sticking it to “the man!”
Lee picks up HBK’s microphone.
Lee: Oh yeah, and Adam and I had better be entered into your tournament. If not, we will be back for you.
World Tag Team Championship: Shane Helms and Shannon Moore © vs The Impact Players
Match Background: Impact Players are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. Helms and Moore are one of the most experienced teams in the promotion. This match is for the World Tag Team titles. Helms and Moore have been World Tag Team champions since 27 June 2006.
The Match: Weak bodyslam on Helms by Credible sets up a legdrop. Credible hits a piledriver on Shane Helms. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. Covers for a quick two count. Tag to Lance Storm. Impact Players whip Helms into the ropes and hit a double backdrop. Hard impact Russian Leg Sweep by Storm. According to some other reviewers around here, 'legsweep' is one word. Covers for a quick two count. Storm hits a HARD spinning kick to the jaw. Storm walks into a drop toe hold. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Shane Helms connects and Lance Storm is down! Helms tags out to Shannon Moore. Shannon hits a dropkick on Lance Storm and gets right back up. Storm takes a NICE hurrancarana from Shannon Moore. Storm counters a backdrop attempt with a kick to the face and hit a clothesline! Storm tags out to Justin Credible. Justin Credible hits an ugly looking bulldog off the ropes. Justin Credible scores with a crappy looking standing spinebuster. Could have been done a hell of a lot better though. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Credible strikes away at Shannon Moore, not doing much damage at all. Shannon Moore fights out of a grapple. Super kick by Shannon Moore. Justin Credible sets up Shannon as the partner goes to ringside and gets a steel chair. Lance Stormcomes in and swings, but Shannon Moore ducks and Justin Credible gets blasted in the face with the chair instead! Justin Credible can barely stand. Here it comes - Twist Of Fate. 1....2...3, it's finished. Storm and Credible remain in the ring. Justin Credible does not look happy at losing. Lance Storm goes to leave, but gets pulled back in by Credible. Tensions seem to be rising between these two.
My Opinion: I'd love to see a rematch and see if they can top this. ****
Tenay: Just when it seemed that everything was patched up between Storm and Credible, this happens!
Snow: Could this be the end of the Impact Players?
Winners at 14:23 and STILL World Tag Team Champions: Shane Helms and Shannon Moore
Raven is in a bad mood.
The Coach is standing by in the backstage area with Raven. He asks Raven how he feels about Jeff Jarrett’s return to the WWE.
Raven: They say wonders never cease, and Jeff Jarrett has gone and proven them right once again. You might ask who “they” might be, but there is no answer to that. However, I would have to agree because I always thought it would be a cold day in hell before Jeff Jarrett ever showed his face to me again. Years ago, I embarrassed him in his own company. He was the NWA Champion, the supposed to be hero of his federation. I was the outcast, who had arrived from greener pastures. He was the hero, and I was the villain. Or that is how he might tell you. In the real world, the fans threw garbage at their hero and cheered on the villain. I came close to taking his belt away from him, but it was not to be. Soon enough I found myself back here in the WWE, so I considered it to be my victory. But now, TNA is dead. And Jarrett is back. Only this time, I am the hero, and he is the villain. Things are the way they should always have been. Jarrett is in my territory now, and I intend on giving him hell. Tonight though, I get my shot at Chris Benoit. Benoit and I have seen eye to eye in the past. However, his association with Evolution is unforgivable. Chris Benoit, tonight in that very ring I will take your championship away from you. Because to me, you and Jeff Jarrett have much in common. You are both undeserving champions. Quote the Raven, and Never more!
Women’s Championship: Trish Stratus © vs Gail Kim
Match Background: This match is for the WWF Womens title. Trish Stratus has been WWF Womens champion since 27 June 2006.
The Match: BIG clothesline on Trish. Trish walks into a side slam. Think about how much talent it takes to side slam someone. Nash can do it. There's a two count on the pin. Trish blocks a punch. STIFF~! chop lights up Kim who covers up to try and stop the agonizing PAIN! Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Gail Kim by Trish. Remember when that was a legit finish? Covers for a quick two count. Massive lariat! Stan Hansen would approve. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Gail Kim by Trish. Remember when that was a legit finish? Gail Kim powers out of a Trish Stratus headlock. Gail Kim hits a bulldog off the ropes. Covers for a quick two count. Death valley driver by Gail Kim! No one executes that move properly anymore. Pinfall attempt: ONE...TWO...NO! I would have bought that as the finish! BIG clothesline on Trish. Trish takes a headbutt from Gail Kim. Trish blocks a kick from Gail Kim. Bodyslam by Trish. High Angle DDT by Trish Stratus just SPIKES Gail Kim down! Trish Stratus drives Gail Kim into the corner. Stratusfaction! 1....2....3.
My Opinion: Ohh, looky. A **3/4 match!
Tenay: Another successful title defense by Trish Stratus!
Snow: I’m surprised we didn’t see Victoria tonight. She’s conspicuous with her absence.
Winner at 4:33 and STILL Women’s Champion: Trish Stratus
Ken Shamrock and Simon Diamond vs Tommy Dreamer and Masato Tanaka
Match Background: Tommy Dreamer is the reigning WWF Intercontinental champion, and has been since 20 February 2006. This is Ken Shamrock’s first night back from suspension!
Snow: Look at how happy Simon Diamond is to have Shamrock back! He doesn’t look too upset about not winning the World title last night at all!
The Match: Rude Awakening neckbreaker on Ken Shamrock by Dreamer. Remember when that was a legit finish? Full nelson slam on Shamrock. There's a two count on the pin. Tag to Masato Tanaka. Masato Tanaka scoops up Shamrock. Dreamer bounces off the ropes and hits a flying Hart Attack clothesline. Bodyslam by Tanaka. Covers for a quick two count. Masato Tanaka hits some punches. How generic. Shamrock powers out of a headlock. Death valley driver (not to be confused with the DVD 500) by Ken Shamrock connects and Masato Tanaka is down! Tag between Ken Shamrock and Simon Diamond. Tanaka tastes a high angle back suplex. If Spike Lee can sue TNN over the Spike TV nonsense, then Kurt Angle should be able to sue SOMEONE for that. Tiger bomb by Simon Diamond, which is nowhere near as cool as a botched Pedigree but gets the job done. Tanaka blocks the suplex attempt and is able to hit the suplex instead! Tag between Masato Tanaka and Tommy Dreamer. Massive backbreaker on Diamond and I get happy flashbacks to Bret Hart's Five Moves of DOOM. Powerbomb on Diamond. Pin, but Diamond is out just before the three count. Diamond is a glutton for punishment and just continues to take it during this match. Diamond backdrops Tommy Dreamer out of a piledriver attempt. That took a lot out of Simon Diamond. Vicious back suplex! Tommy Dreamer got nailed big time! Tommy Dreamer is all alone...Dimond Rocker!! 1....2....3! Shamrock and Diamond remain in the ring, celebrating their victory.
My Opinion: A badly blown spot prevents me from giving out more snowflakes. ***3/4
Tenay: The greatest tag team in the history of Raw is back together! Who knows what they will do next!
Winners at 8:23: Ken Shamrock and Simon Diamond
World Heavyweight Championship: Chris Benoit © vs Raven
Match Background: This match is for the World Heavyweight title. Chris Benoit has been World Heavyweight champion since 27 June 2006.
The Match: Raven hits Benoit. Benoit ducks a wild right hand. Benoit scoops and slams Raven. What's the difference between a scoop slam and a body slam anyway? Raven charges, Benoit moves, and the referee is knocked silly! TIGER DRIVER~! '91 nearly crushes the spine of Raven! Cover, but there's no one to count for Chris Benoit! Raven reverses a Chris Benoit hammerlock. Raven strikes Chris Benoit with a hard blow. Raven hits a piledriver on Chris Benoit. I know I wouldn't let someone that bad give me a piledriver. There's a two count on the pin. Raven scores with a poor standing spinebuster. Cover, ONE...TWO...NO! I honestly thought that match was going to end right then and there. Raven goes for a splash but Benoit puts the knees up. Raven takes a quick lariat. Hooks the leg! ONE...TWO...NO! Raven avoids a Chris Benoit avalanche by getting out of the damn way! Chris Benoit gets whipped into the corner by Raven, who charges in with a clothesline. Benoit grabs the referee and pulls him in the way! The referee calls for the DQ as he collapses to the mat in pain. Chris Benoit gets out of the ring and walks off, having taken the cheap way out. Jeff Jarrett comes running down the aisle, and gets into the ring! Jeff Jarrett spins Raven around. Jeff Jarrett hits the Stroke! Raven has been left down on the canvas.
My Opinion: Wow, Raven should really consider retiring after another performance like this! ** just because the crowd was extremely into it!
Tenay: Jeff Jarrett sends a clear message to Raven! He didn’t take Raven’s ridiculing too lightly!
Snow: I can’t say it’s good to see Jeff Jarrett again!
Tenay: What a sickening series of events tonight! Shawn Michaels was sent to the hospital, Chris Benoit cheated to save his belt, and now Jarrett has laid out Raven!
Snow: But worry not, Mike. This just means that next week, they will all be out for revenge!
Tenay: I cannot wait!
Winner by DQ at 17:45: Raven
The show ends with Jarrett and Benoit shaking hands and leaving. Raven looks pissed.
