Toxxic

I haven't met anyone, but a colleague of mine was coming back from the England vs Jamaica soccer match in Manchester before the World Cup in 2006 and pulled into a service station. Lo and behold, David Beckham was in the shop paying for his petrol, also on the way back from the match he'd just played in. So my mate has a picture of his eight year-old son with a smiling David Beckham in a random service station on the M4.

That has nothing to do with anything. *autojobs Spike when no-one's looking*

Yessssss... I knew he'd come out of hiding eventually.

*clears throat, readies Uzi* I'm with you. That thing managed to evade extinction for 65 million years, BUT NO LONGER!

I remember how you were no-showing as much as usual actually, but yeah, whatever

One point. Didn't you say you quite liked Toyah haired bint fronted emo timewasters Paramore? A couple of their songs, yes. But they're not emo. They're pop, and I make no excuses for it. Spike - yes, your character is emo. I think the 'Heartless' hoodie was the death-knell to your credibility. And yes, OK, technically I turned on you and interfered in your title match so Pretzler won the Cruiserweight Title from you and then we all beat you down afterwards... but you were GOING to turn on me, I think that's the issue here...

Spike and I have been doing this for years Spyke, don't worry about it. Ever since he turned on me and I kicked him out of my stable in, oh... early 2005?

Just to be clear, I grew up in a town where the kids were so fucked up we used to be able to start a pit to Feeder. FEEDER. That shit up there's like ballroom dancing in comparison. It just looks like they've all lost a lot of loose change on the ground...

...who the fuck are those wusses? They aren't even making contact half the time! Windmilling's no fun if no-one's actually HITTING you.

Toxxic eating popcorn as SIN bullshits him = gold.

We're getting along fine. It's just emo kid over there threatening to do things on my face, quite frankly, there's no need for it.

No need for that.

I've seen pictures, Spike. Plus you have an 'x' in your AIM name that has no business being there. You're emo, don't try and be something you're not kid.

A good promo, another good promo from Spike I might add. And the three 'Heys!' was, I must admit, comedy gold.

Fuck. Yes.

You know what I said about not wanting to sleep with Zed? That goes double for you, emo-a-go-go.

I think Spike-with-an-I was referring to your use of multiple colours, Spyke-with-a-y. Some people just aren't open to new experiences

I have a match for the main event. I have SIN vs Pirata. I have two other matches that were going to be announced in the show (but not yours, Taiga). I have nothing from Divefire/WC, I have nothing for IL/Hawke, I have nothing for Breslin vs MANSON (although I know that Drew at least submitted something, at least that's what he told me), I have nothing for Spike/LDP. I know LDP's computer bust and... well, Spike's Spike, so that was more hopeful than anything else anyway. I'm hoping that it's Hawke gone AWOL that has caused him to not get a match in and nothing from WC/Divefire, since he was marking it. IL, if you can hear me, where are you and what's the score, amigo? I'll just wait until things turn up. If nothing turns up, I'll post what I've got and pretend the rest of the card never existed.

See, I like this guy. He's not even from our fed, and he's got a work ethic that would shame Janus.

...OK, that sucks. Your whole department? Where do you work, and how many are in your department?

*wonders whether to autojob WC for homophobia* For the record, in case anyone forgot, Toxxic is straight-edge but I am not. I just don't drink, smoke or do drugs.

I know fuck all about MMA and will happily admit it. I'll also admit that my main reason for watching was Lesnar (although I have watched other UFC shows without him when I can find them). So my comments will likely be worthless, but still. GSP was good, and in control, but I am STUNNED at how tough Jon Fitch is. No matter how much of a pasting he took he was still in there fighting; there were flurries of blows that would have forced a ref stop in pretty much every other fight I've seen, but Fitch was still in there. And then he'd fight out of a mount or something a couple of seconds later, squeeze back up to his feet and start throwing punches again. My wife noted that, I think it was after the third round, although Fitch was totally busted up it was GSP who was breathing heavier and looked more tired. Brock scares me. That first charge was surprising, and I'm not sure if Heath recovered from the shock. When Brock tagged him and sent him tumbling head-over-heels we cheered, and good god the speed he came in at straight after. I did think that about halfway through the second round he'd lost most of his wind, but Heath was pretty much dead at that point so it didn't matter. I think the most surprising thing was I'm sure I saw a look of real fear on Herring's face about a minute in, when he realised that the guy he'd been making light of just hit him INCREDIBLY hard, and was now not going to let him up, ever. There was definitely an idea of "what the fuck have I got myself into here?" I've no doubt that Lesnar still has weaknesses that will be exposed, and his lack of a killer instinct on the mat might hurt him (are his arms actually able to get under someone's chin for a choke?), but he did what he had to do, and did it well. And it looks like if he CAN hit you, you ARE going down.

"You know Landon, I really think we need to do something about this," Toxxic comments, leaning back in his chair. "...uh, about what?" Landon Maddix asks, looking up from what at first glance appears to be a NBA magazine, but on closer inspection is actually a sticker album. "The DVS," Toxxic replies, twirling a pen through his black-nailed fingers in a manner reminiscent of Val Kilmer in Top Gun, "we invite them to the SWF, give 'em contracts, and then they beats our guys up and attack Taiga. And that Spyke's got a mouth on him the size of Belfast." "I thought you were the one who gave them contracts in the first place?" Landon reminds the General Manager. "You certainly didn't consult me. As Commissioner of the SWF-" "-you were busy getting hammered in celebration of Spain winning the Euros, or Nadal winning Wimbledon, or something related to sodding Spain," Toxxic cuts him off with the long-suffering bitterness of an Englishman discussing international sport. "I swear, I still haven't heard you speak any bloody Spanish beyond 'hola' and 'tortilla'." "...shut up." "But, yeah, you're right, I gave them contracts," Toxxic admits. "That don't mean I like what they're doing. I think we need to remind them exactly who the dominant wrestling federation is." "...the OAOAST?" Landon asks hopefully. "No!" "Hey, we've still got a TV deal over there," La Cucaracha reminds his colleague, "more than the SWF has." "You know as well as I do that was Tom Flesher's fault," the Straight-Edge Sensation grunts. "OK, so what did you have in mind?" Megan Skye asks, clearly tiring of their bickering. The Co-Commissioner takes a swig of her coffee as both men look around, Landon having clearly forgotten she was there. "I mean," she continues, "it would kinda counterproductive to take action against the guys currently wrestling for us, don't you think? We need bodies on the roster." "No, I was thinking of something different," Toxxic replies. "They've started talking about 'invading' the SWF, so I think we need to send them a message back at where they're based." *knock-knock* "Who's there?" Landon calls. "This should be the messengers," Toxxic smirks as the door cracks open. Into the room step four figures; the slinky, seductive Natasha; the suited and booted Chris Card; and the big guy-small guy combination of TORU Takahara and KOJI Kitano, the SWF's new Tag Team Champions. "What are they doing here?" Landon asks, eyeing Card with animosity. Megan Skye is also looking rather less than pleased at the arrival of the man who punched her four years ago. "Say hello to the messengers," Toxxic grins, then turns back to TKO. "Guys, Chris. How would you like to make some more money?" "I'm listening," Card replies, inclining his head. "We need to let the people back at the DVS know who it is they're trying to mess with," Toxxic tells them seriously. "Now, might be there's a few guys hanging around in the back who will want a shot as well, and they're welcome to do it, but I picked you for some very good reasons. First of all, you've no qualms about beating people up." TORU and KOJI grin widely, even TORU's grasp of English being easily good enough to understand what the General Manager is talking about. "Secondly, you're likely to do it where I specify in exchange for payment, unlike the carnage that would happen if I prodded someone like MANSON in their general direction. Which is tempting," Toxxic admits, "but not exactly a predictable outcome." TORU and KOJI nod again. "And thirdly, because I believe I can trust you and you," Toxxic continues, turning to Card and Natasha, "to ensure that things don't get out of hand. Am I right?" "Of course," Card smiles. "So you're after quite specific, directed violence then?" "Yeah," Toxxic replies, "nothing major, no bloodbaths, just remind them who we are and what we can do. You're all aware that your contracts allow you to wrestle for other promotions, should that be the best way of doing it, as long as it doesn't clash with dates you are obliged to work for us. The next DVS show is on Tuesday. Do your thing." "And the payment?" Card asks. "Standard SWF representative fees, as it would be for any public appearance, plus travel," Toxxic replies promptly. Card and Natasha turn to TKO and a hurried discussion takes place in Japanese before Technical Perfection turns back to his fellow Englishman. "Mike, you've got a deal," he says. We'll try and make it onto the show one way or another, get this place some airtime." "Nice," Toxxic grins, "happy holidays." TKO and Chris Card Enterprises turn and leave and the General Manager turns to find Landon gaping at him. "Did you just agree to give TKO representative fees? The same as we'd give someone making a public appearance like for the... the Smarkdown Your Vote campaign, or an appearance at a high school, or something like that?" Maddix asks incredulously. "Yup." "To go and cause trouble at another federation?" "Yup." "Mike, they are the last people we should be sending out to represent us!" Landon protests. "...why, because they're undefeated in tag team wrestling in the SWF for about three years?" "I... well... look, they're cheaters!" Landon says, changing tactics, "and everyone knows you don't like cheaters!" "I don't like cheating, because I don't need to do it," Toxxic corrects him, buffing his black nails on his shirt. "I can get along with cheaters just fine. Hey, I was in Revolution Zero with Sly and Jakey, that wouldn't have worked otherwise." "But-" "-and we got along OK when we were The Galacticos," the straight-edger reminds his former tag team partner, carefully glossing over the first couple of months when he couldn't stand the sight of Maddix, "and you always cheated like a bitch. Like any three bitches you care to name, actually." "It's going to end in tears," Landon sulks, taking refuge in Things Your Mother Said When You Were Young. "Mmm-hmm, hopefully someone else's," Toxxic agrees, breezing to the door. "Oh, and Landon?" "What?" "Jamaican Me Crazy!" Toxxic grins, and disappears. "Oh come on!" Maddix protests to the closed door, "I go and name one show, which just happened to be held in Jamaica, and he 'gets me back' by staging an attack on another federation? How is that mature, huh?" he appeals to Megan Skye, who finishes the last of her coffee. "Speaking as someone who had to sit next to you for some of the flight over here, I have no sympathy for you," Megan tells him. "But since I had to sit next to you because Toxxic forced me to swap seats with him, I have no sympathy for him either." "...so what do you hope happens?" Landon asks, bewildered. "Hopefully you'll both get fired, and then I can run the place myself," Megan smiles. "Coffee?"

Cut yer hair.

LDP, Munich. You want to pull the match, we can pull the match. Just say the word. For everyone - If you have something you definitely DO want to do, or you definitely DON'T want to do, tell us. Just, you know, tell us. That's what we're here for. Otherwise we knock ourselves out going back and forth trying to make a card, and then people just come down and pick holes in it cos we're meant to be fucking psychic or something. And yes, it's late. And yes, I'm probably overreacting. And right now, I don't really fucking give a shit. Christ, I feel like I'm fucking Zed or something. (note: I have never fucked Zed, nor do i want to experience this)