Toxxic

You could theoretically call 'ego' on that one. Imagine if Stone Cold hit the Stunner at the bell and covered, but only got one and a half. The opponent would have kicked out of the Stunner before two - it didn't matter that was the only move Austin had landed, he'd have still kicked out before two. You could kayfabe an explanation involving the wrestler not wanting his best move to look like shit, so he saves it until the time when he thinks it's going to do the job. Besides, some finishers are a little more complicated (you wouldn't believably keep a guy down long enough to go up and hit a Shooting Star Press until they'd been beaten up a bit).

Hey look! I don't have a match, I don't write for the match I'm guest commentator on and I STILL pop up a couple of times in the show and cause a title change! Are you all heartily sick of me yet? In other news, it looks like Megan is pregnant (meaning Landon is officially drafted into the writing crew for 'Hollyoaks'), Landon's coming after me again (which is damn good news), IL wins ANOTHER title without actually writing the winning match (I know he won the hardcore rematch himself, but not the first time he got the belt) and Jay Hawke finally puts a stop to BuckDrea's unbeaten streak. Which is a shame in a way, but shows how far he's come. ...of wait. You weren't joking when you said you were heartily sick of me. Oh well... p.s. Landon is the best writer of comedy dialogue in this fed at the moment. No question.

MAIN EVENT SWF WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH - Toxxic © vs. Ejiro Fasaki ~Yeouch. 7.5k limit? Damn. CO-MAIN EVENT - TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS SWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Wild and Dangerous © vs. Martial Law (Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez) vs. Arch Griffon and Manson ~Theoretically, the pretty slow duo of GriffSon shouldn't really win this... but it'd be so damn cool if they did. Martial Law might not be 'on the same page' enough to make a title reign work, but then again that'd be cool too. And of course, you can NEVER rule out W&D. But a win for GriffSon would herald a new era, so I'm pulling for that. Lil' Buck vs. "The Critic" Scott Pretzler - Round 2 ~Stable pride says Pretz. Just as well, cos there's no way I'd have been able to pick otherwise. Non-Title Match "The Dean of Professional Wrestling" Jay Hawke © vs. "The Franchise" Mak Francis ~Mak Opening Bout - Dual-Rule Non-Title Match Insane Luchadore © © vs. "Maniac" Bryan Rodgers and "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins ~And all of a sudden, IL's so tough he's doing handicap matches! I'm gonna go with the champion, because he's more proven than Rodgers and I think the last thing Spike wants to do is go near the CW title again.

The end of my match was going to feature a desperate Rodgers using the red mist on Fasaki before going for the Brainstorm, but Ejiro managing to instinctively counter into the Cobra Crossface. Fasaki wins, then as he's trying to wipe his stinging eyes Melissa laughs at Toxxic, he mouths off at her, she slaps him and HEADBUTT, then leaves before Ejiro could see again. But then I didn't write. Not that it would have mattered, apparently. But a great match Ejiro, and I'm looking forward to receiving a pasting in Japan...

I never said it didn't suck. I hate the damn thing, but my girlfriend watches it. And Enders. And Corrie. And Neighbours. And Home & Away. If I ever find her watching Emmerdale then fuck the house, pets and mortgage, I'm out of here.

Well, that'd be useful but it's not essential as far as I'm concerned (it's not like me and Pretz have actually teamed, which I thought we were going to). It's more the fact that someone clicking on us from, say, X-Net would find half the site still under construction and might assume that we're not worth bothering with. Now, obviously a half-done site is better than no site and we're all incredibly grateful that you're doing it, but you get what I mean. I'd help if I had any knowledge of computers beyond being able to type.

Oops. Guess someone had better get those belts off 'em before they pass Fallout's record, eh Muzz? *awaits Muzz returning as Sacred and Lynchpin and defeating W&D*

Well I hope you ended up writing, cos I certainly didn't. So we are going with crazy pissed-off Ejiro, right? Just so I know, does that mean that you're going to be going all-out to hurt me, including pentiforous cheating?

Not that I want to join the Dub-Cee Brigade in whipping Johnny or anything... but is the rest of the site ever going to be finished?

So what's wrong with your landline, bitch? And why are you calling it a cellphone? It's a mobile - only Americans call it a cellphone! ...oh yeah.

No sense of adventure, that's your problem.

I've talked to Dace over the phone. If any of you Yanks want a REALLY massive phone bill then I'll give you my mobile number...

Bill DeMott is possibly the worst announcer ever, only passed by The Cat. Matthews and Tazz is a pairing made in heaven. Matthews and Cole was pretty cool too, only because Cole abandoned any sort of 'character' and spent the entire show taking the piss out of Matthews. Which was very amusing.

MAIN EVENT SWF CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP Wildchild (SWF Cruiserweight Champion) v. Insane Luchadore (SWF Hardcore Champion) ~Ah, what the heck. IL. GO THE FUVOLUTION~! HARDCORE MATCH SPECIAL GUEST COMMENTATOR: Toxxic, the SWF World Heavyweight Champion Ejiro Fasaki v. "Maniac" Bryan Rodgers ~If Rodgers pulls this off... well, he'll have to stick it back on, for one thing. HOUSE RULES MATCH RUSSELL CROWE'S FAVORITE MATCH Lil' Buck v. Jay Hawke (SWF International Champion) ~Knuck if you Buck. SINGLES MATCH "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins v. "The Franchise" Mak Francis ~Spike, as Mak may be clinically dead. HARDCORE TWO ON TWO MATCH SPECIAL GUEST ANNOUNCER: Johnny Dangerous, one-half of the SWF Tag Team Champions! Arch Griffon and Manson v. Martin Hunt and Danny Dagda ~Johnny

...and Danny returns and beats Spike with an axe bomber, conveniently making a mockery of most of the work me and Spike have done to try and build Spike's own lariat as a cruiser-killing go-to finisher. And simultaneously throwing a spanner in the works of us ever getting another match. But then again, if Spike will do a program where he has to beat a former World Champion to get what he wants these risks are kind of inherent... Good show guys, and an especial shout-out to my boyz in the main event who pulled off a great win - pretty good since the last I heard, J3 had never submitted anything. I'll try and comment on n00b's match later if I get the chance.

It's really comforting to have someone in the fed 7 years older than me. Long may it continue. Happy Birthday Dub-Sizzle Fo' Shizzle.

Main Event – TRIOS LOCOS~! Ejiro Fasaki, Arch Griffon and Manson vs. Revolution Zero (“The Critic” Scott Pretzler and JJ Johnson) and “The Dean of Professional Wrestling” Jay Hawke © ~Stable pride says Rev-0 and the Other Guy. In reality, I think Ejiro's tag experience and GriffSon's hotstreak might make things a bit different... ~SDvsRaw says Ejiro taps to a Pretzler Boston Crab. Sub-Main Event – Battleground Rematch! “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins vs. ??? ~Spike can pull this off, but his opponent is not to be taken lightly AT ALL Brotherly Love? Lil’ Buck vs. “The Franchise” Mak Francis ~Methinks Buck, as Drea is on a roll and Mak isn't. ~SDvsRaw says Li'l Buck following a low blow. Cruiserweight Rules Non-Title Match Wildchild © vs. Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix ~WC, since Landon's not around ~SDvsRaw says WC via a La Magistral Opening Spot-O-Rama “Maniac” Bryan Rodgers vs. Martin “Big Country” Hunt ~Back the newb.

Deep in darkest Australia The camera shows a bedroom decked out in enough pink frills to put Barbara Cartland to shame. The centrepiece is an Emperor-sized four-poster bed with a sign hung over the head, reading 'There's No Place Like Hell' in almost unbearably cutesy writing - in fact, the simpering teddybears adorning the space around the letters look almost sick at the disgusting soppiness of the font, although this could merely be a lack of talent on the part of the illustrator. Suddenly the scene is blocked out by the massive back of the part-time Hell Machine, Janus. "Ah," the Australian giant sighs, "there's nothing like a couple of tubes of lager on the barbie..." CRASH! Janus looks up in shock as black-clad shape tumbles in through the window. Before the big man can react the intruder KIPS UP~! to his feet, whereupon his is revealed as none other than the Straight-Edge Sensation, Toxxic! Instantly, Janus drops into a kung-fu stance. "You!" the Hell Machine snarls, the words tumbling from his lips in no real relationship to the way his lips are moving. "How dare you enter here without knocking on the doorbell?" "I laugh at your doorbell, giant homosexual!" Toxxic replies, adopting a crane stance as he too becomes badly-dubbed. "Prepare to wear your brain on the outside! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!" he finishes as the translation ends before his lips do, and the voiceover decides to throw in a maniacal laugh to cover it. Without any further ado the two men throw themselves at each other, fists and feet flying in a fury. However, even though Toxxic lands more blows it is Janus who gains the advantage as he produces a pair of scissors from nowhere and cuts Toxxic's wires, bringing the wire-fu bout to an end! BUMP! Toxxic KIPS UP~! again, but before he can react Janus POUNCE-HUGGLES~! him back to the floor where he begins licking his ear! "Arrgh! Gerroff me, ya big lummox!" Toxxic yells, his lips now back in normal synch. "You spoil all my fun," Janus complains, rising back to his feet and adjusting his pink tux. "You're late you know - Crowe's All-Night Barbie And Disco has already started. Good job I have two special invitations." "Yeah yeah," Toxxic mutters. "You know I've had to pull a sicky from the fed for this, right? Let's get goin' then." "Wait," Janus says, smiling slightly. "You're still wearing black, Toxx." "Yeah," Toxxic says, "so?" "So you said you'd wear pink." Janus loving fingers NO NOT THAT YOU DIRTY BASTARDS, WAIT FOR ME TO FINISH THE SENTENCE his own tuxedo. "You promised me." "Well, I'm changin' me mind," Toxxic shrugs. "Come on, I hear Crowe does wicked king prawns-" "You said you'd wear it," Janus declares, eyes suddenly blazing red as he thrusts a smaller version of his own garb at the Straight-Edge Sensation. "So wear it." Toxxic looks at the newly-ignited Hell Machine in some concern, then takes it. "Alright," he says soothingly, "but wait outside while I get changed, OK? I need to do my eyeliner again anyway." "That's better," Janus smiles. "But don't be long now!" The big man leaves the room and Toxxic shrugs off his t-shirt and bulky trousers, then quickly gets pulls on the pink tux and matching pants before hastily re-doing his make-up in the frilly pink mirror (how can a mirror be frilly? By having frills around the edges, stupid!). Something about his appearance seems to catch his eye, and the World Champion pauses for a moment, readjusting his pink tuxedo. "The things I do for love..." Toxxic sighs, and leaves the room.

This thread may be the best thing since I lost my penis.

Revolution Zero has lost nothing in terms of its work-ethic since the departure of Spike and Sarah, I see.

I just remain stout. Tom likes stout.

EVERYTHING is about me, Spike. Won't you ever learn?

Tut tut, I distinctly told Raynor - Toxxic wasn't on Lockdown and won't be on Smarkdown due to his delicate British constitution not holding up to Mexican chilli. REV-0!! GO TEAM!! *boots everyone else out of the main event and bars the door behind them* Yeah, I'm back.

Yeah, you know you hate me. Just be glad I'm not around for a week.

And I asked to be booked, but in the end am very glad I wasn't as I doubt I'd have had the time... ironic how these things work out.