Toxxic

Well... 'sunshine' is more of a thing that I would say if I was getting worked up with someone face-to-face. And even then not often. I would never really type it. God I am shattered.

For some reason, that line just makes this promo for me. ...I want MORE Uncle Filthy!

Well it should be 'Mohammed' if it's actually meant to be Muslim, but it will probably be spelt wrong too. It's Mark Magnus, I think.

I hate Steve Austin. Or rather, what he became as GM and Sheriff - and for that matter, wife-and-girlfriend abuser. For that alone, the guys deserves shit. Nevertheless, I think that saying Austin wouldn't wrestle people because of his neck is pushing it. I have no problem in saying that Austin wouldn't wrestle some people, let alone put them over, because of his ego. However, I think his record shows that even with a busted-up neck he was prepared to give it all he had. Unfortunately he kept going too long, past the point where he could put on decent matches any more, but his physical dedication to the sport is unquestionable. His willingness to relinquish the grip on his spot is very, very dubious though. And responding to a reasonable and well-constructed argument (admittedly with an insult at the end) with shoddy grammar and writing like you're talking to a child is pathetic.

Mohammed Hussein. They really want to make sure there's no possible misinterpretation of this guy's alleged 'origins', don't they? One thing I noted on Velocity the other night - Kenzo and Dupree, despite being 'Evil Foreigners', got REAL heel heat as opposed to the initial boo followed by silence that La Resistance always got/get. The fans were actually booing and jeering actively. Then again, Dupree and Kenzo are a bit more interactive than La Res.

Bah. It's not alcohol.

You worship what you like. Toxxic drinks Coke, just like me. But Pepsi Maddix is brilliant.

You and me both, brother.

Squoinking is punishable by immediate disqualification. one of the lesser-known rules of the SWF. But seriously, good on you guys for really getting into it. We're getting more promos than the SWF would see in the build-up to a Craven/Candace/Rando Triple Threat on PPV.

When you live in the UK, THEN you can complain about constant, forced shilling. Every second match on Raw or Smackdown, you get this horrible, HORRIBLE recording of JR, sounding like he's reading off a card and translating from German as he goes it sounds so stilted and unnatural and emotionless, giving us the following: "Fans in the UK. Get ready to see WWE Raw and WWE Smackdown in a way you have never seen them before. They are coming at you live from the Manchester Evening News Arena in Manchester, England (OF COURSE THE MANCHESTER EVENING NEWS ARENA IS IN MANCHESTER!) on Monday 10th and Tuesday 11th October. These shows are now sold out (SO WHY BOTHER TELLING US? ARE THE PEOPLE WITH TICKETS TO DUMB TO REMEMBER THE DATES?). And don't forget the Smackdown Down 'n' Dirty Tour that is also taking place in October from The Oddysey Arena in Belfast, Northern Ireland, the Nottingham Arena in Nottingham, England (OF COURSE THE NOTTINGHAM ARENA IS IN NOTTINGHAM, AND OF COURSE NOTTINGHAM IS IN ENGLAND YOU SENILE PIECE OF SHIT, IT'S OUR FUCKING COUNTRY AFTER ALL!) and [another place I can't remember]. We hope you will join us there, live." This takes up half the Hurricane match. And half the Christian match. And half the Jericho match (assuming they're separate). And this has been going on since JUNE. And once they've gone, we'll have a two week break before he starts shilling, in the exact same voice that makes me want to reach through my TV and strangle him, Uprising in the Manchester Evening News Arena in Manchester, England... in March. THAT is constant, incredibly forced shilling.

I'm not realyl supporting you. I'm just trying to make Carnage so angry that he writes everything like this. Yeah.

Which is fine and all, but doing something like that when the man has no way to defend himself... tut tut. Very heelish. At least I pick on people who can fight me. But still (to channel Drea for a minute) PROMOZ AMZ TEH G00D~!

I want Uncle Filthy to wear handpuppets on his fists to beat Evan Wolfe's head in. UNCLE, MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Saying you probably wouldn't be as good a wrestler as Mick Foley is like saying I probably wouldn't be as good a writer as Terry Pratchett (a little comical, not to everyone's taste, but hugely successful and popular). As in, it kind of goes without saying. I agree about the Chinese food though.

Interesting, I'll give you that. Not sure about the structure, what with each new line being started with a capital letter. But hey, each to their own. The only other time I remember a newspaper article being quoted was when janus left - also covering an apparently genuine psychiatric illness. Oh, and nice touch to actually use a picture of the psychiatric hospital!

That'll help me as well, since I did that ICTV/Hardcore double stint. I thought I hadn't spent that long with titles.

Are you 350lbs? With a gigantic fuck-off beard? And do you carry a white cane WITH BARBED WIRE AROUND IT!? If so, that would fucking rule. And hey, I'm not knocking you. I'm just a little sceptical how a blind wrestler would work. I mean, Stan Hansen was just short-sighted, and he stiffed the hell out of people partly because he couldn't see where they were properly (or so I think I remember reading in one of Foley's books).

Hey look! Newbies that promo and (it sounds like) write! Yes Chance Silver and Heath Black, I'm looking square at your pathetic carcasses.

Ok. The first two Carnage promos had bolding and italics and colour in... well, at least places that VAGUELY made sense. This one is just bonkers. And yet... I like it. So cheesy it's actually quite fun.

It seems weird that the only title Kibs ever held was the World Title. And that was only for 10 days. How many other federations are there where a guy who came up through the ranks (as in, not WWE Goldberg) was only World Champion and nothing else? Lesnar, I guess, and Jarrett in TNA if that counts. Still, I mark out for having more days with a title than Danny.

MAIN EVENT CAPTAIN FALL TAG MATCH Revolution Zero (Toxxic © and "Hollywood" Spike Jenkins) and "The Icon" Max King v. Andrea Montgomery © and Hollywood Boulevard (Mike Van Siclen and "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez) ~We have three titles. They have none. Do the maths. ~Smackdown:HCTP says my time wins after I make Drea tap to the Repeat To Fade USJL TITLE MATCH David Cross© v. Danny Dagda ~Cross, cos IL and writing come from two different planets. ~HCTP says Dagda wins with the Deflator CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH Ryan Dustin © v. Austin Sly ~Ooh... well now. Sly seems more motivated, Dustin might JUST have the edge on writing ability. Tricky. I'll go with Dustin on a hunch. ~HCTP says Dustin with the Real Deal to retain. SINGLES MATCH Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix v. Stryke ~LANDON IS GOLD~! ~Drug of Maddixion gets it for La Cucuracha HARDCORE TITLE MATCH Sean Davis © v. Christian Fury ~Crazy 1st person aside, I'm going with Jackie. REVOLUTION PRIDE, BITCHES~! ~HCTP backs us, as Davis DESTROYS Fury with barely a knock to show for it. USJL TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH Uncle Filthy v. Evan Wolfe ~LET ME HEAR YOU SAY 'UNCLE~!' ~Evan Wolfe wins via La Magistral NEW GUY MATCH "Blind" Ryan Klein v. Carnage ~A hilariously OTT schizophrenic in a derivative mask vs an obese blind man. I honestly have no idea, but either way I want to know what the writer was smoking when he came up with the Ryan Klein gimmick. ~WHEN HOSSES COLLIDE! RKade wins with the Dragonslayer.

This is fucking GOLD.

Thinking back i probably should have requested the six-man to be Landon with Urban Empire, not Drea. Would make more sense. Nay matter. But why do i always have to team with egotistical heels? Oh yeah, cos I'm an egotistical heel. Like, duh. So what are we saying, 6k word limit for the main event?

The cheque's in the mail for continually putting me over. It's what i do to make sure YOU put ME over when you come back. You big bastard you.

Ok. That was funny. Carnage, if you're trying to be taken seriosuly that's the wrong way to do it... but I found it amusing. Just wait til Janus gets back though. THEN you'll be SORRY