Toxxic

SINGLES MATCH Rob Gilbert vs Hollywood Spike Jenkins ~Spike. No question. HARDCORE MATCH Austin Sly vs Ryan Dustin ~Ooohhh... this is tricky. I'll go with Dustin on a hunch. SINGLES MATCH Alan Clark vs Todd Cortez ~Another tricky one. I'll go with Cortez. SINGLES MATCH Sean Davis vs Munich ~Davis. Not least cos Munich is probably no-showing, but I like the guy. SINGLES MATCH Manson vs Dace Night ~Brit pride (and an eye for form) says Horrorcore takes it. TEN MAN TAG Tom Flesher, Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix, Ace Lezaire, Edward James, and Petey the Irish Penguin vs Mike Van Siclen, Toxxic, Jamie Drazon, Martin “Big Country” Hunt and “The Icon” Max King ~God only knows.

Yeah, I said "to", don't get excited. Nice show - even Dace promo'd and you know there's something in the water when that happens. Kudos to the victors, Sean Davis gets respect for a good debut win, Johnny beats a behemoth and the Wayward Sons gets their respective arses handed to them. Oh and Tom? I'm aware that Landon finished off that tag match, but please realise that you will SUFFER for using the Caffeine Bomb on me. Just probably not in this ten-man, cos that's just WRONG.

A few hours before Lockdown Three figures stand outside the arena in the afternoon sunshine, waiting. The girl is staring at her mobile - presumably either texting someone or playing a game. One of the two men is leaned against the wall, arms crossed in a manner that somehow communicates extreme boredom and condescending superiority at the same time. And the second man... well, he’s getting a bit jittery. “C’mon dude, just one?” Spike Jenkins asks, pulling out a tin. “It’s just some weed, man, it’s not like-” “Spike, I’ve told you to cut that shit out,” Toxxic snaps. “You want to hang round me and do things my way, you do it all my way.” “Yeah, but I still don’t see why...” Spike sulks. Toxxic sighs and rolls his eyes. “Spike, that shit slows you down in the ring!” the straight-edger explains impatiently. “Plus, it makes you paranoid.” “Dude, that’s just what they want you to think...” The discussion on the nature of performance-enhancing substances is cut short as a taxi pulls up and two men step out. One is considerably larger than his companion, who wears a stylish suit, sleek glasses and carries a briefcase. The smaller man comes towards Toxxic, Spike and Jet while the big one pays the driver. “Hi,” the briefcase-carrier beams with a smile that never reaches his eyes, extending a hand towards Toxxic. “Marcus Washington, PA. We spoke on the phone earlier.” “Really? I’d never have remembered,” Toxxic comments, regarding the proffered hand with disdain. Marcus’ smile barely falters as Sean Davis comes up behind him, doing his considerable best to block out the sunshine. “Hmm.” Marcus shrugs that one off and pulls his hand back. “And what can I call you, sir?” “You can call me Toxxic. Like everyone else does.” “Toxxic?” Marcus is still smiling in the face of enough obnoxious behaviour to convince Switzerland to launch a major offensive, but the lawyer smarm is losing its lustre. “I’m aware that’s the name you go under in this company, but...” abruptly Marcus decides to play this on Toxxic’s terms and switches to thinly-veiled sarcasm “...I take it you do have a real name?” “Yes thank you.” Marcus’ continued attempts at a smile wilts before Toxxic’s deadpan response, and the lawyer draws himself up before continuing. “Well, Mr... Toxxic. You mentioned earlier that you might have use for my client’s, ahem, services. I took the liberty of drawing up a provisional contract-” “Wait,” Toxxic cuts him off. “There won’t be a contract involved, Mr. Washington. This is going to be more in the nature of a ‘gentleman’s agreement’.” He looks past the lawyer’s shoulder at the looming but silent form of Sean Davis. “Anyway, it’s him I’m interested in talking to, not you. Well, big man?” the term sounds almost an insult in Toxxic’s mouth, but the Straight-Edge Sensation keeps his tone neutral, “are you in or out?” “You don’t have to answer that!” Marcus snaps to Sean, then repositions himself to block Toxxic’s line of vision. “Mr. Davis takes advice from me,” the lawyer tells Toxxic in a tone of thinly-stretched patience. “Really?” Toxxic asks. “Well why don’t you take some advice from me... and get the fuck out of my way?” Marcus bristles at that but he is gently but firmly moved aside by the form of Sean Davis, who squares up to - or more accurately, down to - the Straight-Edge Sensation. The Perfect Storm stares down from his additional five inches at the British rookie, who stares straight back up at him. “Listen,” Davis says quietly, his voice level but carrying an undercurrent of menace. “If you have a problem with Marcus, you have a problem with me. And if you have a problem with me...” the big man removes his sunglasses and tucks them into his pocket, “...then I’ll take you on.” “See, Mr. Washington?” Toxxic asks, not taking his eyes from the former running back in front of him. “He can make a decision without your advice after all.” One side of the straight-edger’s face quirks upwards into a humourless grin. “Let’s get one thing straight, sunshine,” he informs Davis. “I ain’t scared of you, and I don’t need you... but I think it might be beneficial for all of us” his gesture takes in Marcus, Spike and Jet “if we had each other around. What do you say?” Sean glances sideways at Marcus, who still looks angry... but almost imperceptibly nods his head. Sean turns back to Toxxic. “OK. You’ve got a deal.” “Brilliant,” Toxxic smiles, stepping back and extending his hand to the big man - and after a second, Davis takes it. “I’ll see you two gents later this evening,” Toxxic continues. “Good luck in your match.” Davis nods and walks away, followed after a second by Marcus Washington who makes no attempt this time to shake Toxxic’s hand. Spike, Jet and the Straight-Edge Sensation watch them go. “Dude, why wouldn’t you tell him your name?” Spike asks curiously. “Cos he’s a lawyer,” Toxxic replies. “And it’s gonna drive him nuts not knowing what name to sue me under. Besides,” he adds, turning and heading for the arena entrance, “Marcus needs to be clear that he isn’t in charge. But he should already know that he needs us more than we need him.” “How come?” Jet asks. “Simple. He’s a PA, but he won’t be taking much other work if he’s constantly with Sean so he needs Sean to be successful in order to make money. He might know law, and Sean might know American Football” the two Americans wince as Toxxic refuses to name their national sport in the accepted manner “but they don’t know wrestling well enough yet. We do. Without some guidance, backstage politics’ll bury ‘em in this place.” “And what do we get out of it?” Spike queries. “We get some backup if needed. See Spike, if someone gives us trouble, we could take ‘em down,” Toxxic explains. “But with a man the size of Sean around, people might not give us trouble in the first place. Cos for some stupid reason, people seem to think that the bigger someone, is the more dangerous he is.” The straight-edger’s eyes narrow. “And you know what? They’d better prepare to be proved wrong.”

Yeah, so this match was rushed and it sucked due to both me and Drazon being busy at the end of the week (can anyone explain to me why we only get four days to write for the 'Flagship Show'?), but I still reckon it accurately reflected what would have REALLY happened if the four men in question had met up in a no-rules environment... “PREPARE... FOR... LANDON!” ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The boos rise in Hartford, Connecticut as the strains of Incubus’ ‘Megalomaniac’ ring out through the imaginatively-titled Hartford Civic Centre and Landon Maddix steps out through the curtain. The Cockroach is accompanied by the ever-lovely Megan Skye... and Chris Card... and Natasha... in fact all of Chris Card Enterprises make their way to the ring, providing viewers with a veritable foursome of manly muscle and feminine loveliness not seen since The Masked Man took over projection duties at the local cinema and got bored with the kids’ movies! “Citizens, we are here LIVE for the Main Event on STORRRRRRRMMMMM!!” a familiar voice booms. “I’m CYYYYCCCCLLLOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNEEEEEEE COMET, and-” “-and I’m going to sue for unsafe work practice,” Riley bitches, ripping the headphones off his head. “Jesus, Comet - if that’s what Pepsi Max does to you I’m surprised they get any sales at all!” “Silence, miscreant,” the Hero replies, resplendent and slightly sweaty in a way only spandex can achieve. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a No-Disqualification, Falls Count Anywhere Tornado Tag Match, and due to the predicted fractal nature the match will be refereed by Michael Hall AND Nick Soapdish!” Funyon announces over the PA system. “Introducing first, representing Chris Card Enterprises; from Huron, South Dakota; weighing 210lbs, he is the Intercontinental-Television Champion... LANDON... ‘LA CUCURACHA’... MAAAAADD-IIIIIIXXXXX!!” Landon acknowledged Funyon’s words by spreading his arms to the crowd as if willing to embrace them all - unfortunately Hartford does not return the compliment, and heckles the Cockroach mercilessly whilst still managing to throw in some wolf-whistles for the LADIES~ “Landon Maddix - smug, arrogant, treacherous and very, very lucky to still be ICTV champion after the boileroom brawl against Jamie Drazon,” Comet opines. “Landon Maddix - confident, talented, smooth and justifiably still the ICTV champion after owning Drazon in that match,” Riley retorts. “I would say that he’s the next World Champion, but for all Card’s mentoring talent he isn’t affiliated with this man...” Abruptly the opening riff of ‘Kashmir’ kicks in and the disapproval of the crowd hits a whole new pitch as videos of Flesher’s signature moves alternate with... “SUPERIOR ONE” “MAIN ATTRACTION” “AWARD-WINNING” “THE MAN” “And his tag-team partner,” Funyon booms, “accompanied to the ring by Allison Onita; from Buffalo, New York, weighing 231lbs... ‘The Superior One’... TOOOOOOOOM... FLESSSHHH-EERRRRRRR!!” *BOOM!* Blue pyro hits and out comes the Superior One himself, dressed as ever in his black-trimmed blue singlet and warm-up top while Allison is dressed in some sort of pastel blouse and lame sandals like all the trend-following college kids this season (or the female ones, at least). The pair climb into the ring where Allison helps Tom strip off his jacket, then squirm together in a way that makes everyone watching dry heave (except The Masked Man, who vows to transfer his camcorder footage to film immediately). “Citizen Flesher - a former World Champion, unquestionably one of the most talented athletes ever to step into a SWF ring... yet incredibly conceited and with no respect for the rules,” Comet laments. “Oh, what a force this man could have been for Justice if only he had been able to keep on the straight and narrow!” “Comet, let me assure you that the straight and narrow is much overrated,” Riley informs his partner. “I should have known you wouldn’t like anything ‘straight’, Bobbo.” Flesher and Maddix start to talk to each other in the ring - Landon looks bored at being lectured by the veteran, but manages to feign just enough interest to keep Flesher from completely blowing him off. Meanwhile Tom is almost unable to hide his disgust at his jumped-up jobber of a partner and keeps casting contemptuous glances at Chris Card who stands off to one side with his arms folded. “Well, there certainly looks to be plenty of team spirit there,” Comet notes dryly. “I feel we may have to ask them to ‘get a room’ before tonight is over, eh Robert?” “Yes!” Riley responds with surprising enthusiasm. “And of course, if Landon suddenly has other engagements I’m sure I could cover half the cost and keep Tom company-” “Robert, please stop drooling,” Comet asks plaintively. “Now, please. Robert, you’re going to short out the electronics...” Before Bobby Riley can cause any more health and safety hazards the Smartron suddenly blacks out... then the words ‘Prepare To Be Proved Wrong’ flash up in jagged white lettering while the crunching guitars of Lostprophets’ ‘We Still Kill The Old Way’ ring out over the Hartford Civic Centre. Boos start to fill the air yet again as the Smarktron shows Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table with the Toxxic Shock Syndrome, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the- ‘GO!’ *BOOOM!!* -explosion of red pyro announcing the arrival of the SWF’s premier straight-edger! Toxxic strides out through the smoke wearing a new T-shirt with his familiar slogan inscribed on the front, but with no sign of his girlfriend Jet. The Straight-Edge Sensation comes to a halt at the bottom of the entrance ramp and cracks his neck from side-to-side, but shows no intention of getting into the ring with his opponents. “And their opponents,” Funyon continues, “from Nottingham, England; weighing 218lbs, ‘The Straight-Edge Sensation’... TOXX-IIIC!!” “Toxxic unaccompanied here tonight,” Comet notes, “unlike Tom Flesher or, particularly, Landon Maddix.” “What’s wrong with Landon’s friends being on hand to lend support?” Riley asks. “Oh come on, Robert. Do you expect me to believe that Chris Card et al won’t get involved the moment the bell rings?” Comet inquires incredulously. “No.” “...aren’t you meant to defend him?” Comet says, non-plussed. “I don’t need to,” Riley responds happily. “It’s No-DQ - Chris, Megan, Natasha and, yes, Allison can do whatever they want!” Toxxic’s music starts to die away... but before production can queue up the next track a speeding bullet of muscle and sinew simply sprints out from the backstage area and streaks past the startled straight-edger, heading directly for the ring! “RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!” *DING-DING-DING!* “It’s Jamie Drazon!” Comet squeals in delight as the Hardcore Maniac springs to his feet and starts laying about him. “Unwilling to participate in the posturing and the preening, Citizen Drazon has got straight down to business-” “-that being, getting his ass handed to him,” Riley finishes with satisfaction. Sure enough, in the ring not only Tom Flesher and Landon Maddix but also Chris Card have begun to triple-team the ballistic Drazon. The Hardcore Maniac is putting up a ferocious fight, but even a man trained for combat such as he finds it difficult to fend off three foes at once, particularly when one is a martial arts expert like himself. Meanwhile on the outside Toxxic is laughing his arse off - then abruptly composes himself and hops up to the ring apron. Once there the straight-edger waits for the four men in the ring to be clumped suitably together before vaulting to the top rope and flying through the air, wiping all four out with a springboard crossbody! “DRAY-ZON!” “DRAY-ZON!” “DRAY-ZON!” The crowd finally finds someone they like in the mess that’s cluttering the ring, and it is indeed the Hardcore Maniac who is up first! Toxxic stands a moment later and Darazon looks about to kick the straight-edger’s head off... but Toxxic motions to the fallen Maddix, Flesher and Card, pointing out that he did take them out as well... and Drazon turns away, eager to get to grips with Landon once more. Meanwhile, Toxxic sticks two fingers up at him behind his back... “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” ...then gets taken down to the mat by a recovering Tom Flesher! “.....” And the crowd, to be honest, haven’t got a clue who they should be cheering on that one. So they stick with what they know. “DRAY-ZON!” “DRAY-ZON!” “DRAY-ZON!” Flesher looks to get into the ‘mount’ position on Toxxic (while Riley nearly has a seizure), but in this no-DQ environment the straight-edger is proving a surprisingly slippery opponent and Tom is forced to guard his crotch against desperately flailing fists. In the meantime Drazon tries to haul Maddix up in order to get his pasting off to a good start, but Landon is cowering in a whimpering ball on the mat and is proving surprisingly intractable. Drazon leans down to get a good grip- *CHING!!* -and Chris Card slams a forearm up between the Hardcore Maniac’s legs! Drazon’s eyes bulge and the Canadian falls forward to his knees, and the sudden cessation in hostilities causes Maddix to come out of his shell. He and Card grab Drazon and push the testicularly-traumatised competitor into a sitting position against the bottom turnbuckle before Landon retreats across the ring and starts to stomp on the mat. “DRAY-ZON!” “DRAY-ZON!” “DRAY-ZON!” Ignoring the wishes of Connecticut, Landon sprints across the ring and launches himself feetfirst at the Hardcore Maniac’s face, hitting a devastating bootscrape and ending up on the arena floor! Chris Card smiles as Drazon rolls out of the ring and *thuds* onto the mats... then the smile is replaced with a look of complete shock as Drazon gets straight back up, growling, and heads for Landon! “RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!” “DRAY-ZON!” “DRAY-ZON!” “DRAY-ZON!” “How has Citizen Drazon got up from that awful move?” Comet asks in disbelief. “I have it on good authority that stupidity dulls your synapses,” Riley informs his partner. “Drazon should start feeling a pain in his face at around five o’clock tomorrow morning.” “And your ‘good authority’ is...?” “I simply watched a few Dace Night matches.” While Drazon is no-selling on the outside Flesher is managing to control his own opponent as Nick Soapdish looks on, prepared to count a pinfall at any point. But unaware to the Superior One a lithe female shape with red-and-black dreadlocks suddenly slides into the ring behind him, rears back with a steel chair and- *CRACK!!* -waffles Flesher in the back of the head! “That’s Jet!” Comet cries in surprise. “Toxxic’s girlfriend did come to the party after all!” “You leave Tom alone!” Riley shouts desperately at the dreadlocked beauty. “Just because you don’t appreciate him!” Seeing Landon’s ally being floored, Megan and Natasha move to get into the ring and protect the Superior One, but Jet brandishes the chair and both back away again as Megan thinks of her face and Natasha looks confused at the lack of testicles to kick. Jet turns around to check on her boyfriend- -and Allison Onita comes out of left field with a SPEAR~! The chair slips from Jet’s hands but she’s not out of it yet, and the two girls start a desperate scrap on the mat! “Allison Onita is a trained wrestler, if an unsuccessful one, and Jet is currently in training,” Comet notes, the excitement audibly building in his voice. “And do you know what this means, Robert?” “I have a feeling you’re going to tell me...” “WE’VE GOT A CAAAAAAATTTTFFFFFIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHHHTTTTTTTT!!” The crowd start to get into Allison and Jet rolling around on the canvas, but just as things start to look interesting Toxxic hooks Flesher’s leg and Soapdish drop to count... ONE! TWO!! TH- Kickout! But Flesher is too tough to stay down from one chairshot, and the Superior One kicks out! Meanwhile on the outside Landon Maddix is hanging back as Drazon and Chris Card exchange kicks. “Robert, I can’t believe this contest,” Comet declares. “This sort of en-masse brawling isn’t in the rules-” “Comet, there are no rules!” Riley explains impatiently. “Well then, it’s not in the spirit of the match-” “The spirit of the match is that there are no rules!” Riley shouts. “Come on, did you expect Tom Flesher, Landon Maddix, Toxxic and Jamie Drazon to even pretend to wrestle this straight-up?” Landon leans against the guard rail, watching the two martial arts experts spar - then is unpleasantly surprised by a drink being poured over his head! With a swearword on his lips ‘La Cucuracha’ turns around... and finds himself looking straight into the eyes of ‘Hollywood’ Spike Jenkins! “LET’S GO JENKINS!” “LET’S GO JENKINS!” “LET’S GO JENKINS!” Landon backs away, uncertain where Spike came from and uncomfortably aware that in this environment the California native can do as he wishes... and his suspicions are borne out as Spike hurdles the rail and goes for him! Landon’s overwhelming instinct in the face of any new threat is to run, and run he does as Spike chases after him! “Spike Jenkins getting involved now,” Comet notes. “Perhaps he still feels that he should have beaten Citizen Maddix for the USJL Title, or perhaps he is simply appalled by the level of criminality evident here...” “Or perhaps he’s joined forces with Toxxic,” Riley suggests. “That’s the rumour backstage, you know.” “Please, Robert - to even think about Spike Jenkins joining with that miserable specimen is laughable!” Comet declares haughtily. Landon scrambles into the ring in an attempt to get away from Spike, but only comes face-to-face with a startled Toxxic, still on the mat after his attempt to pin Flesher failed. Without breaking his stride Landon leaps forwards and- *CRACK!!* -nails a Shining Wizard on the kneeling straight-edger! Toxxic topples backwards and Landon continues straight on over his opponent before sliding out under the bottom rope opposite! Drazon has managed to get the better of Chris Card with a stunning Muay Thai roundhouse to the jaw, but the Hardcore Maniac is unprepared for La Cucuracha to leap forward over his head and bring him down to the arena floor with the Throwback! Meanwhile Spike Jenkins stops to catch his breath in the ring (it’s all the joints, you know)... ...and extends a hand to help Toxxic to his feet! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “YOU BOTH SUCK!” “YOU BOTH SUCK!” “YOU BOTH SUCK!” Cyclone Comet’s jaw drops. Bobby Riley’s smile widens. And then it goes away again as Spike and Toxxic turn and start pounding away on Tom Flesher. “Comet, I’m feeling this overwhelming urge to use the words ‘pounding’ and ‘Tom Flesher’ in the same sentence...” the colour man says unsteadily. “Resist, Citizen Riley!” the masked man (no, not that one) commands with all the authority Spandex can bring to bear. Flesher struggles up to his knees under the attack, and as Bobby Riley struggles to contain his excitement at the sight of his favourite wrestler on his knees in front of two men the Superior One grabs both Toxxic and Spike behind said knees, looking to bring them down! Unfortunately for the former World Champion his one-on-one style of mat wrestling is somewhat less effective against two men and although his assailants wobble they remain standing. That is until Natasha and Megan clamber unnoticed into the ring behind them and simultaneously lowblow both men! *CHA-CHING!!* Toxxic and Spike crumble, and Flesher topples forwards to pin the Straight-Edge Sensation... but Nick Soapdish has been caught up watching the Jet/Allison catfight, which is still raging in the far corner of the ring and both girls are now down to their respective bras! Natasha and Megan each grab an arm, haul the distracted official around 180 degrees and point his head at the pin, whereupon Soapdish drops to count... ONE! TWO!! TH- Kickout! But Toxxic isn’t done yet, and the straight-edger’s shoulder leaves the mat before the three! Natasha and Megan look to restrain Spike as he tries to get up while Flesher tries to turn Toxxic over for the Superior Stretch Beta - but just then Jamie Drazon returns to the ring, wielding a well-known weapon that he just pulled out from under the ring and laid Card and Maddix low with! “It’s the pool balls in a sock!” Comet cries with a mixture of delight and fear. “A weapon to smash skulls and batter brains!” The girls scatter as Drazon approaches and the Hardcore Maniac swings for Flesher’s head, but with Superior Speed the Buffalo native dodges the blow before hitting a double-leg blast takedown on his opponent. The Canadian crashes down to the mat but slams a fist into the side of Flesher’s head, knocking the former World Champion off him! “DRAY-ZON!” *clap-clap-clap* “DRAY-ZON!” *clap-clap-clap* “DRAY-ZON!” *clap-clap-clap* The Hardcore Maniac reaches for his trusty weapon and brings it up, ready to treat the Superior One to a free concussion, but Jamie suddenly gets cut short by a steel chairshot- *CRACK!!* -from Spike Jenkins!? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “OK... I’ve officially lost track of what’s going on now,” Riley admits. “I thought Spike was on Toxxic’s and Drazon’s side, but now I don’t know.” “Well, maybe Spike and Toxxic don’t like Drazon much either?” Comet asks hopelessly. Spike is holding the chair that Jet brought into the ring, and now uses it for its original purpose of- *CRACK!!* -pasting Flesher in the head with it (come on, when was the last time anyone in the SWF used a steel chair to sit on?). Tom slumps down and a groggy Toxxic appears to be about to go for a cover, but then Maddix and Card make their return and charge across the ring to engage their foes and save the match! “Is this even recognisable as a match anymore?” Riley asks. “YOU ALL SUCK!” “YOU ALL SUCK!” “YOU ALL SUCK!” “You know Robert, I’m hard-pushed to disagree with them,” Comet comments. “As a main event, this certainly lacks a certain...” “Order?” “Structure.” “Rules.” “Wrestling.” “Everything really, except two half-naked girls rolling around and fighting,” Riley sighs dejectedly. “And they say entertainment is dead.” Jet and Allison have rolled out to the floor now and are still scrapping, either utilising legitimate shoot fighting techniques or simply having an out-an-out girly barney - either way they’re gradually stripping each other, and it is this that is keeping the crowd even vaguely interested in the goings-on. “PULL HER PANTS OFF!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “PULL HER PANTS OFF!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* “PULL HER PANTS OFF!” *clap clap clap-clap-clap* In the ring, Maddix squares off with Spike and Card faces Toxxic, but as the blows fly back and forth thick and fast a much larger man comes running down the ramp accompanied by a smaller man in a suit and glasses! “That’s...” Comet begins as the newcomer slides into the ring. “That’s Sean Davis, the rookie who had such an impressive debut against Rob Gilbert earlier tonight! What’s he doing here?” “YOU SUCK TOO!” “YOU SUCK TOO!” “YOU SUCK TOO!” The Perfect Storm stands tall in the ring for a second, then crashes into the back of Card and Maddix and sending them both down with a double enzui-clothesline! Before their opponents can react Spike hauls Maddix back up again and hits the Bad Beat, dropping the Cockroach to the mat! Card gets hoisted up by Davis, who grabs Technical Perfection around the waist and lifts him high into the air before spiking him down with the Maelstrom! Finally Toxxic brings the groggy Flesher up and double-underhooks him, looking for the Toxxic Shock Syndrome... but Flesher backdrops out of it! “LIKE WE CARE!” “LIKE WE CARE!” “LIKE WE CARE!” However the Superior One is not safe yet, because Sean Davis waffles him in the face with the chair - at which point Michael Hall has evidently had enough and calls for the bell! *DING-DING-DING!* “Ladies and gentlemen, due to excessive interference for both parties and team infighting, this match has been declared a NO CONTEST!” Funyon booms, causing Hartford, Connecticut to boo even louder. “Well Citizens, what a main event that was!” Comet declares, apparently reading off a cue-card as Spike, Toxxic and Sean Davis along with Marcus Washington stand tall in the ring. “Join us next Wednesday for more amazing action!” “Just give up, Comet. You’re not fooling anyone.” Copyright SWF 2004 “Fire the writers now”

Well, I'd have preferred if you'd PM'd me - but then again it's Flesher who's going to suffer. So why worry?

Smarks Board Name: MikeofEvil Wrestler's Name: Toxxic Wrestler's Real Name: Michael Stephens (never used) Acceptable Nicknames: Straight-Edge Sensation (thanks to Flesher - Funyon will throw this in the introduction if you have the spare words for it) Height: 6’0’’ Weight: 218 lbs Hometown: Nottingham, UK Age: 22 Face/Heel: Heel, but now with flashes of (gasp!) tweenerdom Tag Partner: None Stable: None Ring Escort: None Weapon(s): Brass knuckles when legal, and likes ladders. But when it goes hardcore, he’s very inventive. Quote: “Prepare to be proved wrong!” Taunts: -Puts his head back and snaps his head once each from side to side so his ears nearly touch his shoulders. Particularly does it when recovering from a big spot, or when about to hit a big move on an unsuspecting opponent. -Sweeps his arms wide into a crucifix pose like Raven but done with the palms flat and face down. Looks: Fairly wiry build but very ‘cut’, very little body fat. Short, spiky blue-black hair, pale skin, steel-grey eyes. Good-looking and almost pretty-boy - also wears black nail polish and eyeliner. Wears bulky black Tripp NYC pants and boots that may or may not contain lifts. Outside the ring or when coming down to it he’ll wear one of his own shirts; favourites include the ‘World Champion Tour 2004’ shirt with the venues and dates of all his World Title wins and successful defences on the back (like a rock band World Tour, of course), but if it’s hardcore will wear a black shirt with the words ‘Hardcore Punk’ in a barbed wire font, Will also often wear his customised England soccer shirt with the letters ‘sXe’ on the back over a big number ‘9’, especially if they’ve played recently or are about to. Ring Entrance (cut this down as needed - the full description's there for promos or PPV's, really): The Smarktron screen goes white as the opening chord of 'Rookie' by Boy Sets Fire crashes out over the arena. The screen darkens and as it hits black the familiar slogan flashes up one word at a time in jagged white letters: 'PREPARE TO BE PROVED WRONG' As the guitar riff starts the black screen shifts and becomes the top of a spiky-haired head that raises and stares out with piercing grey eyes before a lopsided grin creases the right-hand side of Toxxic's face. The bass drum starts and clips of his matches flash up - the All-Show Brawl with the Insane Luchador, the infamous Glass Jawbreaker on Aecas, dropping Nathaniel Kibagami on his head with the Caffeine Bomb and the Super Intoxxication that won him the World Title - before moving onto footage of Toxxic taking Mike Van Siclen off a balcony and through a table, the devastating landing timed to coincide with the four blasts of red pyro that climb the entrance ramp before the final, stagewide eruption as the main riff starts- *BAM-BAM-BAM-bap-BOOOM!!* -that signifies the arrival of the SWF's premier straight-edger! Toxxic appears through the smoke and pyro after-image and tears down the ramp at top speed, sliding under the bottom rope before popping up to his feet. -FUNYON STUFF- Toxxic in the centre of the ring for a moment or two, then just a the first verse is about to begin he throws his arms wide, palms down, and each turnbuckle explodes with more red pyro! *BAP-BAP* *BOOOM!!* 'I never thought this could be me, I guess you never do until it's happening to you Like all the fun turns into shame And all the 'could-have-beens' rearrange...' Toxxic takes off his shirt and throws it to the outside, then either settles down to wait for his opponent or makes ready to start the match. Stats: Strength: 3 - Anyone above 260lbs is going to give Toxxic real trouble - his muscle means he’s strong for his size, but not that strong. Other cruisers and lower heavyweights will give him no problems, however. Speed: 7 - Quick, and able to pull off the flashy aerial stuff without many problems although without the consummate expertise of someone like Wildchild. Easily able to outmanoeuvre the big guys, and he needs to. Vitality: 4 - A misleading stat. His straight-edge conditioning is AWESOME and he can run around the ring all night without getting blown up, but he doesn’t have the resilience to take big moves. He’ll NEVER kick out of a finisher unless you’re so far beneath him on the evolutionary scale it’s untrue. Charisma: 6 - Good on the mic, able to switch from mocking and laid-back to intense and determined in seconds and can make a damn good argument for whatever opinion he has. He was always more face-gone-wrong that heel anyway, and now he's relaxed a bit the fans are starting to -slightly- soften towards him. Style: Flashy, aerial-based attack but capable of some mat wrestling. Also known to brawl with opponents of a roughly similar size with reasonable effect. Won't drop you on your head much anymore. Signature moves: ‘Role Reversal’: When whipped into the turnbuckles Toxxic vaults to the top and, twisting in mid-air, comes flying back at his opponent with a clothesline or, if they’re a big guy, the Corkscrew Dropkick. Both men end up on their backs, and if Toxxic’s on top of the match and feeling a little cocky he’ll kip up from this. Regal Stretch: Taught to him by fellow Brit Regal - 3/4 Nelson facelock with leg lace. Toxxic doesn’t quite have Regal’s strength or technical expertise, but he’ll bust it out if there’s a good chance of a submission or if the opponent can counter the Repeat To Fade. ‘Detoxx’: Christian's reverse-headlock neckbreaker (drop to one knee and drive the other into the back of the neck) chained into an inverted DDT. ‘Sobering Thought’: Another combo - Triple H-style facecrusher using the knee immediately followed by an Evenflow-style DDT. CRUNCH-WHAM! Somersault Double Stomp: Off the top rope and into your ribcage. ‘Underkill’: Edge-o-matic. ‘Final Shine’: Tornado reverse DDT out of the corner. ‘Hangover’: Rolling Guillotine Legdrop, either normal or corkscrew. 'Toxxic Shock Syndrome': Swinging, sit-out Pedigree/Chris Daniels' Angels Wings. It used to be a finisher but has been moved back here. It's still a BIG move and will always get a close two, perhaps even the pin if worked correctly, but if you want to kick out of a big move then this is the one to use. European uppercuts: Toxxic’s favourite strike - they don’t have the power of a Knucklebomb or a Danny elbow, but a few of them will rattle you well enough. Common moves: SIMPLE mat wrestling. Abdominal stretches, cravates, things he makes up, and especially armbars/single-arm DDTS/hammerlocks/arm smashed into ring or guardrails - anything that’ll weaken that right arm. Headbutt: Yes, a head BUTT. Of course, it’ll only be ‘common’ against an opponent Toxxic can effectively brawl with (Low strength/low vitality/cruisers), but if he can use it he’ll bust it out more than once. Super kick (usually a desperation momentum-changer, but it still targets the head so Toxxic will sometimes work it in anyway) Corkscrew dropkick: From the top buckle facing outwards Toxxic corkscrews back off and hits a front dropkick. Basically Jeff Hardy’s ‘Whisper In The Wind’ with a dropkick instead of just bumping them slightly with his heel. And a less stupid name. Soccer tackle: Whips his opponent off the ropes, then slides in and launches his feet and shins at theirs. Takes them off their feet, and when they get back up again they’re stumbling round. Only really used to set up the Toxxic Shock Syndrome in a similar (but less silly way) to Dude Love using the Sweet Shin Music to set up the Double-Arm DDT. Ranas and headscissors(any sort). A particular favourite is a springboard rana to the outside - the opponent is standing on the apron and Toxxic will run to the corner, vault off the second buckle, fly OVER the top rope and take them down to the arena floor. This HURTS. But it’ll hurt Toxxic too. Neckbreakers. Standing, running, flipping, whatever Punch/discus clothesline combo: Left, right, left, right, flips the classic British v-sign - Discus Clothesline. He won’t attempt a clothesline on anyone too big, even though the mental image of him trying to take down Janus is amusing... Sitout jawbreaker Dropkicks - a favourite is the basement dropkick to the head of a kneeling/crouching/sitting opponent Spinning heel kicks Running somersault senton to the outside. If the opponent moves before he gets there then Toxxic will balance on the top rope for a second and then backflip back into the ring before flipping the V-sign at his opponent or the crowd. Fistdrop Trio - vaults to the top rope and comes back with a fistdrop to the head in one fluid movement, usually three times in succession. Kip-up Enzuigiri: Normally targets the back of the neck instead of the head. If Toxxic’s taken a beating then this CAN be hit without the kip-up first - but quite frankly, where’s the fun in that? Inverted Muta Lock: Traps the opponents legs and bridges back for an inverted rear chinlock, then rolls over onto his stomach leaving the opponent flailing in the air. Flippy-Floppy Stuff: Moonsaults, standing moonsaults, springboard stuff. Most things that dump him on top of you. Rare moves: ‘Caffeine Bomb’: Toxxic doesn’t use this as a finisher anymore due to the potential danger of it, but there’s always the risk that he’ll just lose it and bust it out anyway. It’s an LSD II for people under 260lbs, can be done from a Fireman’s Carry for people a bit bigger, although it’s sloppier and less effective. Only Annie ever kicked out - that doesn’t mean you can’t on the rare occasion it’ll ever get used (and I mean RARE), but put yourself over suitably please. ‘Dangerlust’: Electric Chair Cradle Driver. Included for the sake of completion - he won’t use this now unless you’ve raped his family or something. If Toxxic wants to beat you, he’ll use the Caffeine Bomb; if he wanted to fuck you up, he’d use this. Finishers: 'Intoxxication': Spanky's 'Sliced Bread #2'/Shinobi - can be hit on ANYONE. ‘Repeat To Fade’: A hammerlock worked into a dragon sleeper (Toxxic applies it with his left arm and grabs the opponent's hammerlocked right wrist with his left hand), with a legscissors that traps the opponent's left arm. Can also be done from a half-Mexican Surfboard position to smaller opponents. ‘Inglorious’: Shooting Star Legdrop. Regular or springboarded. Notes: -He's getting more relaxed. It's difficult to have an inferiority complex when you're one of the most successful wrestlers in the history of the company. STILL WON'T CHEAT THOUGH, because the guy's got to have some standards. -Distinct speaking manner; think of Spike from Buffy and Angel, if you’re at a loss. Quite intelligent and capable of using long words and convoluted sentence structures when arguing a point, but if angry his working-class Nottingham background comes through. Will tend to use words like ‘bloody’ and ‘bloody hell’, ‘twat’, ‘wanker’ and the one he’s renowned for - ‘sunshine’. Does NOT have a posh accent. -Will punch you, kick you, headbutt you or European uppercut you, but will NOT knife-edge chop you. As Mike pointed out, those things fucking suck. Bio: *CRUNCH!* Sorry, was that your vertebrae?

MVS - Drazon's away this weekend, don't know about the others.

This article says it all, basically. Christ, Dace is working hard these days. A couple of small points I'd like to add- No using someone else's finisher as a sig move. No using loads of established finishers as sig moves whether someone else has them or not (yes Blazenwing, I'm looking at your abortion of a moveset).

For the first time ever - expect a no-show from me. Me and Drazon are both too busy for a full match. I'll probably turn in SOMETHING, just in case Ultimate Heel's match gets lost in the post, but don't expect a fully polished 6k.

MAIN EVENT TORNADO TAG TEAM MATCH "The Superior One" Tom Flesher & Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix vs Toxxic & Jay Dawg ~Team Ultimate Heel are VERY likely to cream our arses ~SD5 says Taamo makes me submit to the Superior Stretch Beta. Bah. CAGE MATCH ICTV TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Johnny Dangerous vs Aecas ~Brit Pride says Aecas. ~SD5 says the big man hits the Assault Driver for the win. TAG TEAM MATCH TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT Hollywood Boulevard© (Todd Cortez & Mike Van Siclen) vs The Wayward Sons (Ced Ordonez & Edward James) ~The Boy Scouts don't have a hope in hell. Sunset Boulevard to retain. SINGLES MATCH USJL TITLE BOUT The Masked Man© vs Alan Clark ~I go with the Romanian ~SD5 says the Unprettier gets the job done for TMM SCALED DOWN SURVIVOR SERIES TAG MATCH HARDCORE TITLE CONTENDERSHIP Martin "Big Country" Hunt, Petey the Irish Penguin & Munich vs Heath Black, "The Icon" Max King & Manson ~Sorry, is anyone expecting either of these teams to show? If Max King writes the entire thing himself, he wins. Otherwise it's a DNS SINGLES MATCH NON-TITLE BOUT Austin Sly© vs Ryan Dustin© ~Sly. Cos he rocks just slightly more than Dustin, who also has a fair amount of rockability. SINGLES MATCH Rob Gilbert vs Sean Davis ~Davis.

*no-sells*

Why am I insane?

By which logic I was eligible to get nostalgic a couple of weeks before my second PPV. I don't have enough history here to even get 'no' yet, let alone 'nostalgic'.

You're talking about the 'Superior Icon' here King. So he's 'Superior', and he's 'King'. Theoretically, that should make him a more awesome heel than Honky Tonk Man, Jake Roberts, Ted DiBiase, and Ric Flair, being managed by an amalgamation of Heenan, Cornette and Jimmy Hart. I'll guess we'll have to wait and see though.

No. Always write SOMETHING. Even if it's a 30-word squash. It still at least shows that you have SOME interest in what's going on. If you can't even be bothered to write "The bell goes, I hit my finisher, I win" then you need to examine whether you should be in the fed at all or whether you should quit screwing the bookers around and retire your wrestler from active duty until you ARE motivated.

That was... weird. Apart from the finger-clicking scene changes though, a very good promo and it outlines Robzilla's character VERY well. Nice. Now prepare to get flattened by the wrath of Berlin.

Dace, what have you started? Well, I’m going to weigh in with the only thing that I can actually contribute on with any degree of authority (since my success in anything else is more by luck than judgement), and so I proudly present: [Fanfare] TOXXIC’S ROUGH GUIDE TO WRITING WINNING MATCHES WHILST KNOWING BUGGER ALL ABOUT WRESTLING! I came into this fed having only seen a small amount of WCW and WWF when I was a kid, and having watched the current WWF/E since Summerslam ‘00. I have seen 4 NWA:TNA shows, 2 CZW shows and I have one tape of Spanky’s work in Japan. I have never seen Jushin Lyger wrestle. Comments about the Great Sasuke go completely over my head. AJPW style could be the same as Lucha Libre for all the footage I have seen of either. And yet somehow, in a fed that by its very name indicates the presence of Smarks and which tends to look down slightly on people who only know WWE style, I have managed to force my way fairly quickly into the upper-midcard. How? Well, there are on a very basic level, two ways to write a match. Wrestling Based Probably best exemplified by Dace Night. Dace’s matches (assuming he’s not kicking the shit out of someone in hardcore) will tend to feature some mat work with holds and counters and he relies on his encyclopaedic move knowledge, which means he knows exactly how best to write each move, what the counters are and what its exact effects will be. You can only use this approach if you know these things and if you can explain why the Blue Star Rolling Thunder Diving Powerbomb of UberDeath differs from the Dark Lightning Driver of Imminent Incapacitation, both used only once by Doink The Clown Version 3 under a mask in a Japanese indie fed (or something). You can’t bluff this shit. Drama Based This is what I do, and in the writing that I’ve seen in my relatively short time here I view its best proponent to be Kibagami. Don’t get me wrong, Kibs isn’t ignorant on the technical side, but he takes a different approach; in his own words, “any spot I write can be a high spot”. Spotty selling, weak psychology... you can (to a certain extent) cover these faults if you write your match in a certain way. I’m not saying that a well-written paragraph can justify you kicking out of the Rage Unleashed and then jumping around, but explanations can go a long way. What you do need for this style is a good grasp of the English language, spelling and most important of all, grammar. Having a spellchecker won’t help you if you’ve used the correctly spelt but grammatically wrong version of ‘there/their/they’re’ every single time. Of course, the very best writers (I’m looking at Tom Flesher here, for one) will tend to combine the two. Flesher knows his mat wrestling like no other, but he has the additional advantage of faultless spelling and grammar, a good sense of humour and a knack for the dramatic. The less fortunate mortals amongst us need to focus on one style, and it’s the second that I’m talking about. PLANNING AND PSYCHOLOGY I’m no expert on these and I suggest you check out Dace’s article, but you need to have some grasp of them to succeed. To be fair I rarely plan my matches, I just start writing and see what happens. But then again, unlike a lot of people (Janus being the notable exception) I don’t wait til due day or just before but start it the day the card goes up. This gives me roughly five days for spots to occur to me while I’m going about my hectic, fun-packed life, so it all works out the same. And trust me, the way I write, spots are important. The planning of a match is relatively simple - how will you win? (assuming you’re writing to win, of course). This will impact on the psychology, since if you’re going to win with a head-based finisher then you’re going to need to work the head in the match (check out both Dace and Kibagami’s articles for guidance here). Even if you plan on using something that the wrestling gurus assure you is an instant legit tap-out (the juji-gatame or cross armbreaker comes to mind) that you could theoretically slap on at the beginning of the match and it would be OVER~, some arm work would still be a good idea. Having your wrestler knacker the opponent’s legs to the point where they can’t stand and then get an arm-based submission is kind of stupid (Johnny, this is NOT an attack on you, but since I know jack-all about instant submissions this is the only example I can think of). If Kibagami ever managed to hit the Demonstar Driver in the first 30 seconds that would still be it due to the lethality of the move... but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t spend the rest of the match working the neck anyway. Having said that, it’s fine to have your wrestler (or indeed the opponent) change gameplan halfway through providing there’s an explanation for it. Has his opponent just taken an unexpected injury to a body part, making it a good idea to abandon the former plan of attack and work on that instead? Is the regular approach (such as a suplex machine facing Janus) just not working? Has your wrestler suddenly taken an injury meaning that his usual plan of attack is no longer an option? Don’t just start a completely different approach without saying why - remember, we’re not move gurus and our actual bare-bones wrestling descriptions are going to be substandard compared to some. You need to explain why you are doing something, even if you can’t explain how all that well. EXPLANATION So you can’t write a mat-wrestling - don’t try. If you’re facing Flesher you’re in trouble because that’s what he does, but since you are writing to win you’re going to want to stop his character from mat wrestling anyway. Dace or Mak Francis can get away with this by describing the logical counters, but we don’t know them. If you’re a striker, keep your opponent at a distance with strikes (of course if you know very little like me you won’t know the names of kicks either. There’s only so many times you can write “he kicks” before it becomes repetitive, but the same principle applies to facing strikers too). If you’re a powerful HOSS~ then throw the mat guy away from you before he can bring you down. If you’re a flashy cruiser, wriggle out of his grip. Explain why your wrestler doesn’t want to get drawn into that style of match, that he knows he can’t outwrestle Flesher, outstrike Danny, outrun me (in the absence of Wildchild) or outpower Janus. And then explain why he’s unable to close with you, hit you or grab you. The best method I have found for this is getting into the heads of the wrestlers. First-person sucks, by and large. Avoid it. Having the narration mention the thoughts (and indeed feelings and pain) of the wrestlers works though. If your neck is hurting you after that Dangerous Backdrop, describe it. And equally, if your opponent is growing frustrated at being unable to close with you, describe that too. Avoid the temptation to only get in the head of your wrestler, because that will lead to one-sided description. If you’re at a position on the card where you have the spare words to do this then you and your opponent will probably be fairly well-rounded characters, or at least have their own distinct personalities. Dace may not promo as much as some people, but the Dace Night character in a match is obviously a straight-up, no-nonsense type that doesn’t back down but can be made to get angry. Dace won’t start to get scared of his opponent, but he might get so irritated he makes a mistake. Describe the rage rising inside him. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Ace Lezaire is a cowardly heel and might well be a little nervous - if your powerful face has just kicked out of the best he has to offer his best plan would be to follow up anyway and hit you when you’re still down, but he might be so shocked and scared he doesn’t, which gives you the time you need to recover from the nearfall. If you describe his disbelief and fear at your apparent invincibility you can explain why he doesn’t take the course of action that is most obvious to the detached reader. And make no mistake, emotion is important. How many sports teams have you seen that have been theoretically superior to their opponents, but because of their defeatist mentality they’ve lost a match they should have won? EMBELLISHMENT This can be very useful if you have a few words to spare as you can add touches that may just allow your match to rise above one of similar quality. Do the fans chant for someone? In the heat-filled environment of the SWF where even the jobbers get some sort of crowd response, they really should. Are there any signs visible in the crowd? Mention ‘em and comment on them if you can, because that’s a great way to slip in-jokes in and they demonstrate an understanding of where you are competing. If you know something about the fed’s history that’s vaguely relevant put it in, whether it’s that your opponent has lost the last three matches of this type that he’s competed in or whether it’s the anniversary of the Midnight Carnival forming. For God’s sake, use the commentators. Our current crew is Comet and Riley, and they have their own distinct personalities. They won’t agree with each other, they won’t support the same wrestler (except in VERY unusual circumstances, such as Silent vs Edwin from Genesis IV, or when Janus knuckle-bombed Jessica), and they don’t talk in normal voices. Comet is an over-the-top face, uses convoluted and vaguely archaic language and is pathetically heroic, Riley is sneaky, snidey, heelish and not-very-subtly gay (generally towards Tom Flesher). They are great for putting over both wrestlers in different ways, and if you can get some comedy out of them without overusing them, DO IT! They shouldn’t call the match anywhere near as much as a usual team does or they’ll get invasive - use them to fill gaps in the action, pick up on points that you don’t want to do through the general narrative and make jokes. Neither one needs to call the match straight down the middle - your writing is there to describe what’s going on, all they need to do is put their own individual and widely-differing spins on it. DRAMATIC WRITING Hopefully you have decent psychology and a good match layout, with back-and-forth action and explanations of who is doing what and why, but now you’ll need to build to the finish. The dramatic writing methods that I’m going to impart now are useful throughout the match, but they really come into their own at the end. Not matter how instant tap-out your submission or split-second impact your finisher, the match needs to build to that point. This is called the ‘Race To The Finish’ and is where we hit the REAL nearfalls and finisher attempts. How do we do this? Use spacing, to make individual sentences seem more important. Start one paragraph focusing on one thing, maybe from one wrestler’s point of view. Describe what they want to do, why they’re going to do it and how they’re going to do it, then just as it all starts to happen... ...have a pause, then switch perspectives and explain how the other guy counters it! Use exclamation marks, because this is where the action is starting to really heat up! Use- *WHAM!!* -sound effects to really get across exactly how devastating that potentially match-winning Death Valley Driver was! Start using shorter sentences. Make everything clipped. Imagine your typing matching your wrestler being short of breath. Long, run-on sentences and bulky paragraphs aren’t what you need here (and I’m as guilty of them as anyone, probably more so than most). Finally, three rules that come straight from scientifically-proven methods of charismatic speaking: THE RULE OF THREE If you’re British, you’ll know about ‘Education, education, education’. If not... well, use your imagination. Basically, we internalise information best if it comes in groups of three. The Good, The Bad and the Ugly. The Long, The Short and The Tall. They’ve got a good rhythm to them, no? That’s how it works. And that leads me on to: REPETITION Yes, repetition. Obviously, we internalise something better if we hear it more than once. ’WHAT?’ I said more than once! ’WHAT?’ I said- well, you get the idea. For all its mind-imploding annoyance, Austin’s ‘WHAT?’ chant allowed him to repeat himself, driving the message home. The same applies in writing, but it’s a good idea to be more subtle than the beer-swilling, wife-beating, space-wasting redneck (see, I just used the Rule of Three. Works, doesn’t it?). Also, if you combine the two you get a idea of knowing how to do something, knowing when to do something and knowing why to do something (OK I made that sentence for convenience, but it shows how easy it is to combine the two together). And finally... CONTRAST Contradicting yourself is a bad move, but giving contrast in a sentence is good. I just did it, by using the word “but”. It draws attention to your point because the reader (or listener) has to concentrate to work out what it actually is you’re saying. Simple, but effective. Of course the ultimate is to have a sentence of two contrasting parts, each with a repeating group of three in it. Simply; “I now know how to do this, this and this, but avoid doing this, this and this.” Or, for example: “We will increase spending on education, we will create more jobs and we will eliminate poverty from our inner cities! But we will not raise taxes! We will not send more of our sons and daughters to die fighting other peoples’ wars! And we will not let Bradshaw become WWE Champion!!” [CUE MASS APPLAUSE, CHEERING AND ELECTION OF THE CANDIDATE] OK, I’m not sure how much use that ultimate-combined sentence structure will be in match writing, but at least you know what to aim for. That’s it from me. Discusss. Edited to Add: Most important of all - WRITE SOMETHING EVERY TIME!! If you get in something, anything, then that's better than nothing. I won my Hardcore title from Aecas in my 7th match - which was only my 2nd competitive one... having lost my 1st one to Alan Clark. All the others, including the Hardcore contender match, I won via no-show. And do you know how I won the ICTV Title for the first time from Insane Luchador? Yup - he no-showed. Obviously the best way is to get in a full match, but something is better than nothing. Whether you have Funyon announce that your opponent can't make it to the arena or you destroy your opponent in 30 seconds flat - if you get something in, you have at least a CHANCE at winning. Plus it shows that you at least have the commitment to try, even if you've been rushed. Thoth once wrote a Clusterfuck (Royal Rumble equivalent) losing match which apparently roughly consisted of "There is a big explosion - everyone dies but Thoth." If all the other writers had got to the last two entrants but simply run out of time and had not gone to the slight extra trouble of writing a couple of hundred words' worth of mass eliminations, and not eventually got anything in... Thoth would have won. Manson has won a tables match using a fricking haiku. Just write.

WHOAH~! BIG promo. Wonderful insight into the world of Eddy J. And proof once more, if any was needed, that he's a big wet lettuce

Danny - that was kind of a joke and I know that your character is recognised as one of the best all-rounders in the fed. It was just that "with the best of them" phrase that implies that you can wrestle with Flesher, brawl with Kibagami and fly with Wildchild. I know it doesn't mean that, but since Kibs went off on a little bit of a rant about similar stuff I was surprised you weren't at least mentioned

I get named as having a focused moveset, w00t. And a "suitable" neckbumping move. I am aware that it's probably wrong for me to have all my sig moves named but at least I don't name my individual punches (I'm sure someone did that once - Cuttrhoat, maybe?). Although since I'm wrestling him at the moment, I'd like to know how Danny Williams with 'Style: Power wrestler, but Danny is able to take it to the mat, brawl and do high-flying stuff with the best of them' escaped Kibs' ire And Landon - new stats AGAIN!? You update your movelist more than i do! Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep your SD5 CAW up-to-date? *sulks*

The ICTV is above the USJL in prestige. As for the idea of limiting the Cruiser Title to one show, I'm dead against it like WC - it needs building up, not knocking down. Maybe have one show the "Hardcore" show, but even that is a little limiting.

Yeah, baseball stadiums suck. It's not like it's even a decent sport.

So why can't I have a no-kickouts finisher simply because I only joined 5 months ago? Or indeed a head-dropping one? If you can write it and use it convincingly, who not use it? After my brief run of psycho-ness I'm not going to be using the Joker Driver regularly, only in REALLY big matches, and not on anyone I can't easily lift for it. It just seems unfair for someone to say "OK, these guys have done this so now YOU can't". If we were stealing their actual MOVES (and they were still around, which neither Thugg nor Silent are), that would be different.

I'd like to point out that I don't ACTUALLY support Forest, cos I'm not originall from Nottingham. But Toxxic is, so he would. I tend to watch with mild despair as Ipswich fail to achieve promotion... again.

The Scene - a motel room, somewhere in North Daytona The Time - the afternoon of Thursday 24th June, 2004 The TV set is small and the picture is grainy, but two black-lined eyes stare intently at it nonetheless. Above them is black spiky hair, below them is a replica England soccer shirt. And clenched around the remote are two black-nailed hands, the knuckles turning slightly white. “C’mon... c’mon...” Toxxic mutters, almost unwilling to blink as he stares at the images unfolding on the screen. ‘...and it’s Darius Vassell coming up to take the penalty for England with the score level at 5-5, and it’s sudden death now. Beckham has missed one, Rui Costa has missed one...’ *BBRRING-BBRRING!!* “Hello?” Jet says, lifting the receiver of the phone. “Oh, hi Mr Zenon... yeah, he’s here... but he’s kinda busy right now...” ‘RICARDO SAVES IT! RICARDO SAVES THE PENALTY!’ “NO!!” Toxxic yells at the TV, “you fucking Portuguese bastard!” “Yeah, it’s the soccer,” Jet confirms to Alex Zenon. “I know, I’m not really into it either... you had to play it at school?” She laughs, and lies back on the bed as her boyfriend continues to mutter obscenities under his breath. “Nah, I just had to play hockey. I wasn’t much good, but it was fun to try and break the popular girls’ ankles...” ‘...and Ricardo is coming up to the spot! The Portuguese keeper is going to take the penalty that could put his side through to the semi-finals...’ “Miss it...” Toxxic mutters furiously, “miss it...” ‘...and now David James has to face his opposite number...’ “Yeah OK, I’ll tell him,” Jet confirms to the SWF Commissioner. “Mind if I ask why he’s getting this match, cos he’ll probably be interested... you’ve suspended Janus? Whoah, that must have taken some balls... yeah, we’ll see you on wednesday... bye!” ‘IT’S THERE! RICARDO BEATS DAVID JAMES, AND PORTUGAL ARE THROUGH WHILE ENGLAND GO OUT!!’ “YOU CUNT!” Toxxic screams, all semblance of control lost by the furious straight-edger. “You fucking arsehole cunt wanker piece of shit... RRAAAHHH!!” With one final explosive yell he flings the TV remote across the room - then abruptly stops and turns to Jet, apparently calm again. “Who was that?” “Zenon,” Jet answers, looking slightly confused at the sudden change in mood. “What’s up with all the screaming? I mean, it’s only a ga-” “Uh,” Toxxic cuts her off, holding up a finger. “People have died for less than what you were about to say.” He sits down on the bed. “So what did the One-Letter Wonder want?” “He’s suspended Janus for disrespecting the ICTV Title-” “Damn right, the bloody great psycho; drops me on my head to get it, then spits on the bloody thing...” “-and for trying to choke him out, apparently...” “Did anyone get video footage of that?” Toxxic asks, looking interested. “Don’t think so... anyway, since Janus is suspended Tom Flesher doesn’t get his shot yet... and you’re facing Danny Williams for some sort of joint-Number-One-Contendership on Smarkdown.” “Whoah,” Toxxic remarks, his eyebrows shooting up, “how does that work?” “No idea, Z didn’t say. But if you win you’ll get some sort of title shot at some point.” “Well, as long as it’s not a Strap match, I’m in,” Toxxic comments, fielding the video remote from where he chucked it. A grimace passes over his face again as he catches sight of the victorious Portugal team celebrating on the TV, and he zaps it. “Danny Williams, you said?” “Yup, old roidmonkey himself.” Toxxic’s eyes narrow, and the straight-edger is no longer staring at the TV but past and beyond it, at something else entirely. “Right.”