Toxxic

This promo kicks. Landon, I've used a water pistol and ball bearings in a hardcore match before now. Just be inventive man. Oh, and in case anyone hasn't gathered yet... LANDON IS GOLD~!

Landon, you'd best hope no-one from the WWE ever reads this thread because if that idea goes ahead I'm gonna drive to where you live and kill you. Just sayin'.

Orton is improving - I can't say that I look forward to his matches though. I also think that Shelton vs Orton will be vaguely reminiscent of the criticism heaped on Cena / Brock (I didn't see it) in that they might not be able to call a good match between them. The thing about the long title reign - he doesn't defend it often. WWE put it on him when he was completely un-over, and kept it on him despite being un-over. It's only recently that he has started to become more over (and indeed better in the ring and more competent on the mic), so I think it's fair to say they would have kept it on him anyway. Giving Orton the title was a booking decision rather than in regard to his in-ring work. And as for the Honky-Tonk "it'll be great when someone beats him" mentality - wasn't that the excuse for the Triple H Reign From Hell?

I'd like to point out that I can't get the damn thing to work.

MAIN EVENT SINGLES MATCH WORLD TITLE BOUT Nathaniel Kibagami© vs "Deathwish" Danny Williams ~I pick Kibs. Please, for stability's sake? ~SD5 says the River Dragon wins with the Fall From Grace SUBMISSION MATCH BEST-OF-FIVE SERIES, MATCH TWO OF FIVE Dace Night vs "The Superior One" Tom Flesher ~I got the last one wrong, but I have to give this to Flesher too. No disrespect Dace. ~SD5 says Dace smacks Taamo around like a bitch but can't make him submit - and Taamo hooks on the Superior Stretch for the eventual win. LADDER MATCH ICTV TITLE BOUT Toxxic© vs Janus ~Me and ladders = goodness ~SD5 says I retain TAG TEAM MATCH TAG TEAM TITLE BOUT Hollywood Boulevard© vs The Wayward Sons ~Sunset Boulevard, since there's no Coy anymore. ~SD5 knows shit, cos Coy pins Cortez with the Slingshot Suplex CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE BOUT Johnny Dangerous© vs Ace Lezaire ~I say Ace - Muzz is GOOD. SINGLES MATCH Ryan Dustin vs "The Notorious" John Duran ~Well Duran says he's no-showing; but I reckon he'd win if he did show FATAL FOUR WAY HARDCORE TITLE NO.1 CONTENDERSHIP Crow vs Insane Luchador vs Aecas vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix ~In hardcore, I've generally gotta go Aecas. But LANDON IS GOLD~! So I pick the potential Quadruple Crown Champ ~An amusing SD5 match where Aecas BEATS THE EVERLOVING SHIT out of IL with a chair, then IL finally gets it off him... only for Aecas to Yakuza Kick him down. In the end Aecas wastes EVERYONE with the chair and chooses to pin Luchador.

You've gotta respect the DANCE~ in this match. It can come across as annoying sometimes, but mocking the 5 Knuckle Shuffle - Gold.

At least this match involves me hauling my carcass around instead of Janus'!

I also showed. Now let's see if TNT shows. *Toxxic remembers how TNT booked Todd Cortez in his "first singles match" the show after he'd just lost to Kibagami* Let's see if he reads what he posts this time as well.

Saw a sign a few months back saying "Bring Back Strike Force" (this post is in reference to the "theme music" one above, which i forgot to quote and make this relevant). That struck me as a really, REALLY random sign to make.

*Awaits Rando's promise to put all nearfalls INONEWORDOFCAPITALSLIKETHIS! as a tribute ot Coy* Shame to see you go man. Shit, we get a new one, an old one leaves. Hope you'll get the time and inclination to come back someday.

Cyclone Comet - face play-by-play, very into JUSTICE~ and will normally defend the face against all odds. Imagine The Hurricane doing commentary and that'll do you until you get a feel for him. Generally refers to people as "Citizen Blazenwing", "Citizen Kibagami" or whatever (but he does use single names so the commentary doesn't drag too much), and usually calls Bobby "Robert". At least, in my commentary. Bobby Riley - slimy chickenshit heel "colour" commentator, will do ANYTHING to talk down the face. Is also not-very-ambigously gay, although it seems to be generally considered in "good taste" to never openly refer to this, with only Comet's comments and Riley double-entendres giving it away. Riley has a hard-on for Tom Flesher and will slip praise in given half a chance, even in matches where Tom isn't involved and in some cases isn't even on the card that night (see Kibagami's win over Danny for examples). I'll warn you now that Bobby Riley rips into you in my match... Good luck.

I wasn't meaning to imply that all the people I can't remember blading have HIV or AIDS or anything. i was just pointing out that as far as i can see in the WWE blading is relatively rare, and the blading that does occur tends to be the same people over and over again (Vince, HBK, Trips, Rock, Austin etc). So even if some of the roster had blood-transmitted dieseases and whether or not the virus is killed upon contact with oxygen the risk would probably be fairly small anyway.

Well Muzz says he knows who you are and Kibagami has now flat out told me his opinion. But I'll keep mum. Until someone asks me

“Well SWF fans, we are here only a couple of hours before Lockdown with an EXCLUSIVE for SWF.net!” Ben Hardy beams into the camera held by the faithful Gus. “Tonight on Lockdown no less that THREE superstars will make their SWF debuts, but unlike Ryan Dustin and Ace Lezaire, David Blazenwing has been here before - or more accurately, in the SJL!” The camera shot pans back and David Blazenwing is revealed standing next to Hardy, smiling easily into the camera with the manner of one who is photogenic and knows it. “David, it’s certainly good to see you back,” Ben smiles, turning to his guest. “I’m sure the fans tonight will welcome you ‘back into the fold’, but how you do feel as you prepare for your match against the Intercontinental-Television Champion, Toxxic?” “Well Ben,” Blazenwing begins, “it’s great to be back here once again. I didn’t have the best time down in the SJL but I’ve moved up and on since then, and I can honestly say that I don’t think anyone in the SWF is going to be prepared for David Blazenwing this time around!” “I’m glad to hear you’re confident,” Hardy tells the interviewee, “but Toxxic has a saying of his own - ‘Prepare To Be Proved Wrong’. Do you honestly think that you can beat a man who has only been defeated in a straight singles match twice since his debut over three months ago?” Blazenwing looks slightly startled at that information, but rallies well and flashes his smile again. “I’m telling you Ben, it doesn’t matter what Toxxic has or hasn’t done in the past - I’m here now, and I am the future of this company. I’ve got nothing to lose going into this match because everyone seems to be expecting me to lose anyway.” Blazenwing shrugs disarmingly. “even if I lose, I’ve fulfilled everyone’s expectations. But if I win...” He runs a hand through his hair. “Well Ben, then I’ll know that I’ve made my wife proud.” Ben smiles back at his guest - but suddenly his face falls, and Gus swings the camera around to find the source of the interviewer’s discomfort. It is revealed to be none other than Toxxic himself, striding down the corridor with a thunderous expression and the ICTV belt slung over one shoulder, his girlfriend Jet tagging along behind and looking slightly bewildered at the Straight-Edge Sensation’s palpable bad mood. “Toxxic, I wonder if yo-” Hardy begins, but Toxxic cuts him off by slapping the microphone away. “Shut up, Ben,” the Brit virtually snarls, then rounds on Blazenwing. For a moment the two men stare at each other, Toxxic perhaps relishing the four inches height advantage he has over his opponent for the night. Then he raises one finger and, apparently having to restrain himself from doing anything more violent, rests it against Blazenwing’s chest. “Do yourself a favour out there tonight,” the Straight-Edge Sensation bites off, glaring down at his shorter but stockier adversary. “Stay. Down.” Before Blazenwing can reply Toxxic wheels away and stalks off again, the slightly bemused-looking Jet in tow as before. Blazenwing looks slightly taken aback for a couple of seconds by the straight-edger’s abrupt manner, but then turns back to Ben Hardy with the smile no longer present. “You know Ben, it’s that kind of attitude that I want to see out of this business,” Blazenwing tells the SWF interviewer extraordinaire. “I don’t go around running my mouth off because as far as David Blazenwing is concerned there is No Hype Necessary! So watch tonight, Ben, and we’ll see who stays down!” Ben Hardy watches the SWF’s newest returnee walk off, then turns back to the camera. “Well Gus, what do you reckon?” he asks. “Reckon he can take him?” Gus extends a hand and wobbles it back and forth for a second to indicate uncertainty. “Yeah, that’s what I thought...”

There, now that's got that cleared up. Now bring on the Jobbing Haikus of Doom, and let's hear no more of the matter.

So what do you do? If you test for AIDS and it comes up positive, do you fire the wrestler? Cos I'm fairly sure that's unfair dismissal, and justifiably so. Or does the wrestler just never blade? Never mind sharing blades, if two wrestlers are bleeding and the blood from one gets into the cut of the other I'm pretty sure that could be enough for AIDS to be transferred. Who can we think of who's never, or very very rarely bled any way except apparent hardway? And it's normally only main-eventers/upper-midcarders who are into matches that much in America and so would "stand out". Kane. Protected by a mask for most of his career, but I don't recall him blading since unmasking. Goldberg. Only saw the last year of WCW and his WWE run, but I don't remember a bladejob. Lesnar? I know he wiped Hogan's blood on his own chest, but has he gigged? I don't recall it happening. Benoit. Trips and HBK were both gushing at Mania, Benoit wasn't. He probably has many times, but i don't remember ever seeing it. Big Show? Again, i can't remember it taking place. Steiner? Booker T? Shawn Michaels, Vince McMahon and Triple H (oh, and Flair) are the usual suspects now Rock and Austin are gone. Most others don't bleed that regularly that I can think of.

Heh - i get the feeling that this isn't a "n00b" after all, but i have no idea who it is... and I'm sure that the Straight-Edge Sensation will get involved with the drunk one day. Nice promo mate. i look forward to finding out who you really are, since you seem to know about me...

I like it. Crediting the original source, changes made to add humour - and I like Spike's complete-and-utter goofball character.

Hey, what does a preacher/psycho/hippy have if not an aura of mystique, especially when teaming with a previously fun-loving and now determined redneck hick?

Shush. Don't go destroying your aura of mystique.

SINGLES MATCH - FIRST OF FIVE Tom Flesher vs Dace Night ~Straight singles, I say Taamo. Sorry Dace, not even Brit pride will make me pick against Tom in this. ~SD5 says Dace. But I've made Dace far too hard. But Taamo goes down to the Triple Germans, if I remember correctly. TAG TEAM TITLES #1 CONTENDERSHIPOVER THE TOP BATTLE ROYAL[ Alan Clark vs Coy West vs John Duran vs Todd Royal vs Austin Sly vs Jimmy “The Demon” Liston vs Tryst vs Insane Luchadore ~Probably the Wayward Sons in a co-write, but Sly could do it on his own. ~SD5 ain't built for this. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE #1 CONTENDERSHIP Jacob Hemlsley vs Todd Cortez ~Cortez. HARDCORE MATCH Janus vs Crow ~I'm into it, anyway. And I'll say Janus. ~Crow puts up a good fight, even kicking out of the Rage Unleashed(!) - but then goes down to a high-angle spinebuster straight after. USJL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH Landon Maddix© vs “Hollywood” Spike Jenkins ~MADDIX IS GOLD! When he shows. ~SD5 says Landon with the Skye High after busting Spike open. SINGLES MATCH Ace Lezaire vs Ryan Dustin ~I'm thinking whoever Dustin is might just take it. SINGLES MATCH David Blazenwing vs Toxxic ~MVS is always loosely grounded in reality, but Janus I'm gonna drop spiders on you until you repent.

Big Helmsman! You mean he steers the ship of the SWF through troubled waters?

LMFAO! Well, he wanted the match, and now he has it. Let's just hope that he knows what he's getting into. [EGO]I'll square with you now - i wanted this match because Toxxic has some serious rage to take out, and I didn't want to interrupt anyone's flow. You are new/returning, so you have no flow to interrupt. If you want to know how to beat me in a straight singles match, talk to Clark and Kibs. They are the only one's who've managed it since I debuted at the beginning of Feb. [THUGG]Da 'Now you know what YOU'RE getting into' Toxx[/THUGG] [/EGO]

I think that if Smackdown loses Cena it may as well just die now. He's not the biggest star, quite, but if he was to go too then it would be a joke show. And I think that only one question/exclamation mark is needed per sentence.

^ I defy anyone to argue with that.