Toxxic

Rage - for the record, Ced actually has a DDR gimmick and even won the tag titles at one point as one half of the Bermani Cross Wizards, a DDR-themed tag team also featuring the former World Champion, Thoth. Raynor: Lucha rules? LUCHA rules? And 6k in four days when my tag partner's out of commission? Damn your sugar sir, DAMN it...

I think everyone should note that our favourite non-masked American Luchador is 17. PAARRRRRR-TAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!

I love having a character I can do fun things with rather than just win matches. Toxxic never seemed the sort of guy to go in for this type of pranking, but now the floodgates have been opened let's see what we can come up with... Oh, and congrats to Dub-Cee for the win, and for becoming the first person to pin TORU. Given that he's just starting on his proper singles career he needs the win more than me anyway, cos TORU can always fall back to his tag stuff.

I've been waiting to use the chair spot for TKO since the Family Friendly rules came into effect. And when I do, it doesn't win. Ah well,I'll just use it another time! __________ The live feed comes back to Lockdown and the cameras pan around the arena, searching as ever for evidence of wit and intelligence in the SWF fans. Unfortunately all they find are a variety of variations on the themes of ‘beer-soaked’, ‘sweaty’ and ‘probably illiterate’ with a smattering of ‘possibly inbred’ thrown in. Three guys on one side are displaying their liking for cheating Japanese tag teams by each holding one letter of a ‘T K O’, but unbeknownst to them two guys in the row below are holding up a sign that reads ‘ARE BASTARDS!’ As their creative efforts come up on the Smarktron they cheer, only for a teenage girl one row further down to rise to her feet with a sign bearing the words ‘BUT NATASHA IS HOT!’ “Welcome back to SWF Lockdown, where pregnant detectives watch for free!” Suicide King turns to look at Longdogger Pete, who has just uttered that curious statement, and folds his arms. “Pete, I swear senile dementure has set in.” “C’mon King, have you never seen ‘Fargo’?” Pete asks in disbelief. “Well, here we are in Fargo, North Dakota.” “Two things; firstly, I don’t care where we are as long as we’re out of Landon Maddix’s home state; and secondly - shut up.” The two bickering commentators are suddenly cut off as some distinctive hip-hop beats start sounding over the PA system, and the crowd responds with something like their old vigour as Redman’s ‘Let Get Dirty’ blasts out! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” ‘ATTENTION! ALL YOU *BLEEP!* ALL YOU *BLEEP!* TIME TO PUT DOWN THE CRISTAL, TIME TO TAKE OFF THE ICE FOR A MINUTE… TIME TO THROW A LITTLE MUD IN THIS MOTHER*BLEEP!*’ “…Pete, I’ve decided I love Family Friendly Lockdown,” King tells his commentary partner as Wildchild’s entrance music gets thoroughly mutilated by the in-house censors. “Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and will be contested under cruiserweight rules!” Funyon booms. “Introducing first, from the Bahamas; he weighs in tonight at 214lbs; this is the WIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLD-CHIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLD!!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” The form of the Bahaman Bomber can be seen at the top of the entrance ramp, jumping up and down and loosening up for the upcoming contest. Wildchild seems glad to hear the cheers of the fans again, who have warmed to him once more after finally seeing him stabbed in the back by Johnny Dangerous and with the team of Wild and Dangerous well and truly dead and buried. He runs down to the ring, braids flying behind him and slapping the hands of fans as he goes, before sliding in under the bottom rope and popping to his feet in front of referee Brian Warner. “It’s good to see Wildchild back in the fan’s hearts, and it’s good to see that he’s taken a stand against his former teammate Johnny Dangerous,” Longdogger Pete remarks, “even if it is only because the Barracuda left him for dead against TKO a couple of weeks ago.” “And guess what Pete?” King asks rhetorically, “guess who he’s facing tonight?” Without any further warning the lights in the arena suddenly drop and the harsh drums and bleak riffs of ‘Teethgrinder’ by Therapy? start up. Meanwhile the Smarktron begins to flash up three letters in quick succession… T K O …and in between it shows clips of TORU delivering stiff knees, big bombs and his devastating Shooting Star Press. As the song progresses three silhouettes appear at the top of the entrance ramp - one in a flowing trenchcoat, flanked by a man and a woman in suits. “And his opponent,” Funyon booms, “accompanied to the ring by Chris Card Enterprises; from Saitama Prefecture, Japan, he weighs in tonight at 264lbs; this is the ‘Japanese Hammer’, TOOOOORRRRR-RRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUU… TAKA-HAAAAAARRRRRRR-RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAA!!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “What a change,” remarks Pete, “only a couple of weeks ago TORU and his partner KOJI were cheered against Wild and Dangerous, but now the crowd are firmly back on the side of the Bahaman Bomber!” “It couldn’t last,” King replies sadly as TORU strides down the entrance ramp with Chris Card and Natasha beside him. “Still, whether or not the fans are behind him I think Wildchild is going to be in for a tough time of it tonight; we heard earlier that Landon Maddix and his cronies stole the Tag Title belts back from TKO, and it doesn’t look like the Japanese Hammer is in a good mood!” Indeed, TORU has lost a lot of his normal jokey manner as the big man heads towards the ring with his coat billowing behind him. He almost rips it off his back and throws it to Natasha, then pulls his shades off and simply chucks them backwards over his head, causing Card to break stride in order to catch them. The Japanese Hammer then hops up to the apron before vaulting over the top rope into the ring. ‘Everything feels good, nothin’ can stop me Every nerve pumpin’ hard through me Every thought rushes at full speed This false smile grates through baby teeth… TEETHGRINDER!’ Referee Brian Warner has to step between TORU and Wildchild, indicating that there are certain things that need to be done first. Such as the obligatory Lockdown handshake for example. Wildchild extends one gauze-wrapped hand, fully expecting TORU to refuse, give him the bird or some similar disrespectful action. Instead however, the big man instantly reaches out and clasps his opponent’s hand… then pulls him into a knee to the gut! “OOOFFFF!” *DING-DING-DING!* Warner immediately calls for the bell and remonstrates with TORU but the big man simply ignores him, instead grabbing Wildchild’s head by the braids and driving two hard knees into his opponent’s temple, then shoves him backwards into the corner. Moments later the Japanese Hammer has both hands wrapped around the Caribbean Cruiser’s throat and is squeezing… ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ ‘THREE!’ ‘FOUR!’ ‘FI-’ …but he breaks off just before Warner has the chance to disqualify him. The referee still isn’t pleased and begins to tell Takahara off again, but as TORU turns around to argue with him he grabs hold of the top rope for leverage, then reaches backwards with one foot to start crushing Wildchild’s throat with that instead! ‘ONE!’ ‘TWO!’ ‘THREE!’ ‘FOUR!’ ‘FI-’ Once more TORU breaks just before Warner reaches the disqualification point. Again the referee tries to argue with TORU, but this time the man from Japan turns around menacingly and backs the official across the ring, jabbing him in the chest with his finger as he goes! “This is a very aggressive start from TORU,” Pete comments, “I think you could be right about his mood, King!” Warner is still gesticulating at the big man, but TORU just flips him the bird before turning around and charging back across the squared circle at Wildchild, still gasping for breath in the corner. Just before he reaches him the Japanese Hammer leaps into the air, spinning a full 360 degrees before slamming into his opponent with a full-body splash… *WHAM!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “Blue Crush!” King calls in malicious delight as TORU hits one of Wildchild’s signature moves on him. Wildchild himself slumps down into a seated position, what little breath he had left driven out of him by the impact of 260lbs into his chest. TORU takes a moment to spit on his fallen opponent before backing off and raising both arms to give the crowd on either side of him the middle finger, then runs forward again to slam his knee into Wildchild’s head! *CRACK!* The Bahaman Bomber is sprawled over the bottom rope now, but TORU simply reaches down and grabs one of Wildchild’s ankles before dragging his opponent into the middle of the ring, then dropping on top of him for the cover… ONE! TWO!! …but Wildchild kicks out! This doesn’t seem to bother TORU that much though, and the big man grabs Wildchild’s braids to bring him back to his feet, then scoops the Caribbean Cruiserweight up under one arm in a pendulum position. Wildchild understandably wants no part of this and he swats TORU in the back of the head with his left hand but the bigger man shrugs the blow off and drops to one knee, driving Wildchild’s spine down over it! The Bahaman drops to the canvas and TORU rises up to his full height again, then places the heel of his boot over Wildchild’s face and drags it downwards across his opponent’s eye! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” With Wildchild not only in pain but also half-blinded TORU seems to decide that it’s time to step up the pace somewhat, and he heads for the top rope. He steps out to the apron before scaling the corner post, then pauses for a moment to flip Wildchild the double bird before leaping off, aiming his right knee at Wildchild’s chest with the TORU Hammer… *WHAM!* …but Wildchild saw him coming and rolled out of the way at the last moment, leaving TORU to drive his knee into the unforgiving ring! The big man rolls through to his feet but is clearly in pain, and Wildchild doesn’t have any intention of letting his opponent get back on the offensive. Despite the pain in his back and his swimming head Wildchild scrambles to his feet and launches a basement dropkick at TORU’s right knee, driving both feet squarely into the kneecap and causing the bigger man to stagger backwards with a grunt of pain. Without a moment’s pause the Bahaman Bomber is up again and launches the same attack, this time causing TORU to drop to one knee. “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” With the crowd starting to rally behind him Wildchild turns and heads for the ropes, rebounding and heading for his opponent with all his considerable speed… but TORU suddenly explodes upwards, stretching out his arm to level the onrushing Bahaman with a lariat that sends him flipping backwards head-over-heels! “Goodnight!” King laughs as Wildchild lands with a bump. “It’s going to take more than a couple of dropkicks to put TORU’s leg out of commission!” TORU seems to have the same thoughts and is slapping his leg to prove that it’s still working, but Wildchild is deceptively tough for his size and is already struggling up to his feet after the lariat. TORU swings for his opponent’s legs with a sharp kick but Wildchild sees it coming and jumps in the air to hurdle it, causing TORU to spin around with the momentum of the off-target blow. Wildchild lands on the canvas to find his opponent’s back to him and responds in the best way he knows how - acrobatically, by leaping into the air and snaring TORU’s head as he somersaults over the Japanese Hammer and drags him down to the mat with the Whiplash! *BANG!* “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Never count out the Wildchild!” Pete calls as TORU rolls onto his back, clutching his face. “This man has the speed and agility to turn around any match at any time!” The landing seemed to hurt Wildchild’s back a little as well though, and it takes the Bahaman Bomber a couple of second to muster the strength to stand back up. By this time TORU is also stirring, and both men make their feet at the same time… then both leap into the air to attempt a dropkick, and both miss! Seconds later they are both up again and once more leave their feet this time both swinging their right boots in an effort to connect with a gamengiri, but Wildchild’s foot is aiming for a taller opponent and it passes over TORU’s, meaning both men land on the mat again without connecting with the strike! For a third time the two competitors get back to their feet, but this time Wildchild is quicker off the mark and as TORU lunges at him the Human Hurricane grabs his opponent’s arm and takes him over with an arm drag! “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” TORU is already back up, but Wildchild has gained the separation he needs and is able to use his greater speed to his advantage; with the Japanese Hammer still slightly disorientated Wildchild leaps into the air one more time, wrapping his legs around TORU’s head and snapping backwards with a hurricanrana that dumps the bigger man on the back of his head and neck. TORU seems to recognise that things are starting to go against him and he rolls under the bottom rope to the apron for a moment of relief, then reaches up to the cables above him and pulls himself up… but Wildchild charges across the ring and vaults off the second buckle to leap over the top rope and take his opponent clean to the outside with a Tornado DDT! “HO-LY SHIT!” “HO-LY SHIT!” “He went over the top rope! That’s a disqualification!” King bellows. “He sent himself over the top rope,” Longdogger Pete snaps, “what do you want, a disqualification for that?” “Yes!” ‘ONE!’ Brian Warner starts his count, leaning over the top rope in a vain attempt to make Wildchild and TORU get back into the ring quicker. It doesn’t seem to be having much effect. ‘TWO!’ TORU has had his head driven into the protective ring mats from the apron, and isn’t going anywhere fast. Meanwhile Wildchild has leapt over the top rope and basically landed backfirst on the arena floor. ‘THREE!’ Warner keeps his eye firmly on Chris Card and Natasha as the Devious Duo edge towards Wildchild, but he doesn’t falter in his count. ‘FOUR!’ “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” The fans are starting to voice their support for Wildchild again, and the Bahaman Bomber’s body is beginning to stir in response. ‘FIVE!’ Wildchild slowly gets back to his feet, holding his back as he does so. TORU is beginning to move as well, but now it looks like Chris Card and Natasha are more concerned with making sure their client is OK rather than putting an illegal boot in on the Bahaman Bomber. ‘SIX!’ “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” Slowly, Wildchild staggers to the apron and rolls in under the bottom rope, but Brian Warner continues his count. ‘SEVEN!’ “Normally TORU would be running out of time, but with the Cruiserweight rules in effect there is a twenty count on the outside,” Pete reminds the audience at home. “Why are Cruiserweight rules in effect when TORU is nowhere near the Cruiserweight limit?” King asks. “Don’t question the booking committee, Brian.” ‘EIGHT!’ With Wildchild out of the way Card and Natasha have moved in and are starting to drag TORU Takahara back to his feet, their combined efforts slowly levering the 260lb Japanese Hammer to his feet. However, Wildchild isn’t happy with staying in the ring it seems, and the man from Morgan’s Bluff climbs the ropes to the top buckle… albeit on the opposite side of the ring. ‘NINE!’ “Fans, hold onto your hats,” Pete bellows as the roar of the crowd rises in anticipation, “I think our resident flip-flopper is about to display his circus acrobat background!” ‘TEN!’ With TORU more or less on his feet, supported on either side by Chris Card Enterprises, Wildchild starts to run across the top rope with expert balance! Once he reaches the other turnbuckle the Bahaman Bomber leaps into the air, spiralling down towards his opponent with a corkscrew cross body to finish the Andros Dive… …but moments before impact TORU shoves Card and Natasha away, then stretches out his arms… *whump* …and catches his opponent across his chest, snatching the Wildchild out of midair! “What the hell!?” Pete yelps in shock. “How in the world…?” But TORU isn’t done. The big man braces himself for a second, then bends forward and abruptly backflips, performing a standing moonsault and crushing Wildchild underneath him with the Blockbuster Slam onto the arena floor! TORU takes a couple of seconds to regain his composure after that high-impact move and the way his head is still swimming from the DDT, but then hauls his opponent up by the braids and drags Wildchild towards the ring, rolling him in under the bottom rope. Takahara follows a moment later, then covers his opponent with a lateral press… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHH- -but Wildchild still kicks out! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” TORU is clearly displeased about that count from Brian Warner and argues with the referee as well as he is able to in his limited English. The official remains adamant however, but then Natasha the Goth Bitch jumps up to the apron and begins making her own much more vociferous argument! Brian Warner turns around to deal with this unwelcome interruption, and as he does so TORU grabs Wildchild and hauls him up, then throws his opponent bodily over the top rope! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “That’s a disqualification!” Pete shouts, referencing King’s earlier call for Wildchild to suffer a DQ. “TORU Takahara just blatantly broke the rules by hurling Wildchild over the top rope!” “But he didn’t get caught,” King points out, “and that’s what matters!” Indeed, Brian Warner was still arguing with Natasha when the infringement occurred and didn’t see it. The loud booing from the crowd attracts his attention though and he turns around to see what’s happened; the sight of Wildchild writhing in pain on the outside automatically arouses his suspicions and he begins questioning TORU closely on the matter of how the Bahaman Bomber got there. TORU naturally denies everything, but backs up from Warner as the referee pursues him… and this of course distracts his attention again. As Wildchild struggles up on the outside, using the ring apron to support himself, Chris Card has grabbed a chair from the timekeeper’s table and swings it at the Caribbean Cruiser’s head… *CRACK!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Brian Warner starts to look around but TORU grabs him and begins showing the referee that no he didn’t throw Wildchild over the top rope, he threw him through the ropes, and as Warner struggles to get the Japanese Hammer off him Card hastily discards the chair… but then sees red liquid trickling down Wildchild’s forehead. “That’s blood!” Pete yells in alarm. “Blood on Family Friendly Lockdown! The match has to be stopped!” “Not until the referee sees it!” King shoots back, and Chris Card has realised the same thing. He signals to Natasha, who opens her purse and throws a small box to him. Working quickly, Technical Perfection opens what appears to be a first aid kit and uses a sterilising wipe to clear the blood from Wildchild forehead, then hastily wraps a bandage around the Bahaman Bomber’s skull! And so it transpires that when Brian Warner finally turns around he finds Wildchild rolled back into the ring, a clean bandage on his forehead and not a drop of blood in sight… “That’s brilliant!” King laughs. “I know it’s Chris Card, but that’s brilliant! They’re a chairshot to the good, and the match doesn’t have to be stopped!” Brian Warner is completely confused at the sudden appearance of the bandage, but the fact remains; he never saw Wildchild being thrown over the top rope, he never saw the chairshot and he never saw any blood. Therefore he drops to make the count as TORU covers his opponent… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR- -but Wildchild kicks out again! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” The fans are going wild as the Bahaman Bomber gets his shoulder off the canvas, but neither TORU nor Chris Card Enterprises can believe it! The incredible toughness of the Wildchild is starting to really annoy TORU, so the big man gets back to his feet and makes a lifting motion with both arms, signalling for the Tiger Driver! “This move has put several SWF stars down,” Pete warns, “and with the damage down to Wildchild’s back earlier it could be enough to end this contest…” TORU aims to find out as he underhooks both of his opponent’s arms and lifts… but Wildchild still has some of his faculties working, and on the way up he bunches his feet together and drives them into TORU’s face! *CRUNCH!* TORU releases his double underhook and staggers back, allowing the agile Wildchild to drop back onto his feet, take a breath… and then leap into the air again, swinging his right foot in a gamengiri that connects this time! *KER-RACK!* “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” The blow catches TORU right in the head, but despite the impact it’s only enough to send the Japanese Hammer down to one knee. Wildchild struggles back up to his feet, still holding his back, but the Bahaman Bomber isn’t going to let up now and he turns and heads for the ropes. TORU starts to stand up again, but he isn’t quick enough this time and Wildchild leaps into the air to catch his opponent with a leg lariat! “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” TORU lands on his back and Wildchild gets back to his feet, then turns his back on his opponent before performing a standing moonsault and staying on top for the pin! ONE! TWO!! …but TORU kicks out! Wildchild seems a little short of breath from landing on top of his opponent but he’s able to get back to his feet and race for the ropes, then performs a handspring which ends up with him hitting a somersault senton onto the downed Japanese Hammer! The impact of that move definitely does hurt Wildchild’s back and he rolls off TORU, then takes a couple of seconds to get into a covering position… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHH- -but TORU kicks out again! “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” Wildchild is on a roll now but is back seems to be hurting him a bit; as a result the Bahaman takes a new offensive course by mounting his opponent’s chest and beginning to rain right hands down on the breathless man from Saitama Prefecture. *whap!* *whap!* *whap!* *whap!* Brian Warner now finds himself in a position to have to warn Wildchild for the repeated use of the closed fists, but the man from Morgan’s Bluff quickly rises off TORU before the bigger man can recover and swat him away, then heads for the turnbuckles. “Wildchild has got the crowd behind him, he’s got the momentum behind him, and if he can keep using his speed to take TORU off-guard then he could be about to turn this match around in a major way!” Pete calls as the Human Hurricane reaches the top buckle. “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” TORU rolls onto his front and slowly pushes himself up to his hands and knees. Chris Card is desperately signalling to him about the imminent danger but all TORU does is turn around to see what the fuss is about and what Card is pointing to… and Wildchild comes off the top rope with the Shooting Star Dropkick, catching his opponent full in the chest! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Wildchild bounces back up to his feet, the pain in his back apparently forgotten with the adrenaline coursing through his veins, and the former Tag Team Champion beats his chest a couple of times before performing a throat-cutting motion, signalling for the end! “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” “LET’S GO DUB-CEE!” It takes a few moments for Wildchild to pull TORU up to a standing position, but the Bahaman then buries his foot into the bigger man’s gut and bends him over before turning his back and hooking both his arms through TORU’s… “Wild Driver coming up!” Pete yells… …but just before Wildchild kicks his feet out and drops to drive TORU’s head into the canvas the Japanese Hammer powers up, lifting Wildchild into the air! For a moment the Bahaman Bomber is suspended head-down above the canvas and it seems that Takahara is going to drop him on his skull with his own Wild Ride… but Wildchild kicks his legs and drops down behind his opponent, then leaps into the air and wraps those same legs around TORU’s head before snapping backwards to spike the big man onto his skull with a reverse hurricanrana! *BANG!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “Wildchild will not be denied!” Pete bellows. “He could pick up the win here!” The Bahaman Bomber scrambles to get into a covering position on his larger opponent and does his best to hook one of TORU’s thick legs… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “Damn right,” King barks, “that reverse ‘rana is similar to KOJI Kitano’s K-Spike; it would be an act of downright disrespect to beat TORU with his own tag partner’s move!” “And Lord knows, we can’t have anyone being disrespectful to TKO…” Pete mutters. Wildchild’s burst of adrenaline seems to be wearing off now, but the Caribbean Cruiserweight still has enough left in the tank to argue with Brian Warner about the speed of the count. The referee isn’t going to bend to pressure from Wildchild any more than to pressure from TORU however, and he remains firm in his decision. Wildchild wipes some sweat from his brow and stands back up, then reaches down to grab Takahara’s head and starts to painfully pull the big man to his feet. It takes several seconds due to the Bahaman Bomber’s relative lack of physical strength and his opponent’s bodyweight, but eventually the big man is on his feet. Wildchild then grabs his wrist and tries to whip TORU into the ropes, but some neurones are still firing in the Japanese Hammer’s head and he reverses the momentum to send his smaller opponent into the cables instead. Things don’t go quite according to plan though, as Wildchild leaps onto the top rope and balances for a moment before springing back and twisting in the air as he does so… …snaring the startled TORU with a front facelock… …then spinning around 180 degrees to plant the top of his opponent’s skull into the mat with the Presumed Guilty! *BANG!* “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” “THAT’S IT!” Pete roars above the noise of the crowd, “Wildchild remembered that TORU shrugged off the Pinball attack in the TKO vs. Wild and Dangerous match, so he modified the Presumed Guilty and used that instead! Surely, surely Wildchild has him now!” The crowd holds their collective breath as the Bahaman Bomber places both hands on TORU’s body and heaves, slowly levering the bigger man over onto his back before making the cover! ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE… … … … … … … … …NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “THAT WAS THREE!” “THAT WAS THREE!” The crowd are going absolutely ballistic at that count, but Brian Warner stolidly holds the two fingers above his head; TORU kicked out mere nanoseconds before the count of three. Wildchild simply holds up three fingers in a plea with the official, convinced that a mistake must have been made, but the Bahaman Bomber’s point of view matters no more than that of the fans. With a look of disgust on his face, Wildchild stands back up and raises both arms above his head before twirling his fingers around each other in the universal symbol for ‘high risk’… ‘JOHNNY DANGEROUS!’ “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “What the hell!?” Pete barks as the sultry female voice echoes through the arena. “What’s Johnny Dangerous coming out here for? He’s not scheduled to appear until his title match against Jay Hawke later this evening!” ‘I am the new way to go, I am the way of the future…’ “It appears the Barracuda disagrees with you,” Suicide King states in an amused voice as ‘After The Flesh’ by My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult continues to pound over the speakers. “I think he must be taking a professional interest in his former tag team partner’s progress…” ‘There’s a lot of innocent people being crucified…’ Wildchild has stopped in his tracks, hands still held comically over his head before the Bahaman Bomber slowly lowers them as he stares at the entrance ramp. The weariness and fatigue seems to disappear from his features while he waits… …and after a few seconds his patience is rewarded, if that is the right word, by the appearance of his fellow record-breaking former Tag Champion. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” “JOHN-NY SUCKS!” “JOHN-NY SUCKS!” The Barracuda, dressed in a black polo neck and slacks but with his shades in place, grins and waves mockingly at Wildchild before motioning him to continue as his music fades out. The gesture seems to jolt Wildchild awake again and the Caribbean Cruiserweight casts one last mistrustful glance at his former friend before stepping through the ropes to the apron and quickly ascending to the top buckle. Once there he raises both arms above his head for a little more ‘whip’, then somersaults off and rotates through the air once… …twice… *BANG!* …and lands flat on his ass. “TORU moved, and the Falling Star Bomb missed!” Pete calls in dismay. “That distraction from Johnny Dangerous was just enough to put Wildchild off his game long enough for TORU to get his head together and roll away at the last second!” “Hey Pete,” King grins, “guess who’s just hurt their back some more?” Sure enough, the hard landing has sent a jolt of pure agony up Wildchild’s spine and the Bahaman Bomber has rolled onto his front clutching at the small of his back. Meanwhile Natasha has scrambled under the bottom rope into the ring and has removed the jacket of her suit in order to fan TORU with it. Brian Warner isn’t too fond of that plan and moves over to tell the Gothic Bitch to leave the ring, but Natasha ignores him… and as Warner gets more frustrated, Chris Card slips into the ring behind the referee’s back. “Warner! Turn around!” LDP yells, “Card’s up to no good!” Warner has resorted to grabbing the jacket and snatching it away from Nathasha, but the Ice Queen can see that Card needs more time so she resorts to desperate measures and grabs the neck of her blouse with a threatening expression! “Whoo-hoo!” King says, “things could be about to heat up!” Warner is desperate for Natasha not to rip her top open and reveal her bra on Family Friendly Lockdown so he tries to cover his with the jacket, and as the two struggle Card positions himself behind Wildchild as the Caribbean Cruiserweight struggles to his feet. Technical Perfection measures his opponent, then crosses both thumbs over his heart… and lashes out with a devastating superkick planted expertly between the Bahaman’s kidneys! “Calling Card to the back!” Pete bellows in anger. “This isn’t a wrestling match, this is a mugging!” “Nonsense,” King retorts, “they haven’t taken Wildchild’s wallet!” With the dirty deed done Natasha stops threatening indecent exposure on national television and exits the ring. Meanwhile TORU has come to his senses and is able to get back to his feet, then focuses on the fallen Wildchild, one of the Bahaman’s hands futilely reaching round to hold his spine. With a grim expression on his face the Japanese Hammer grabs his opponent’s braids and hauls him up to a kneeling position, then up into a standing headscissors and underhooks both arms. “Oh, and now a Tiger Driver?” Pete asks sarcastically, “you sure that’ll mess up his back enough to pin him?” TORU heaves upwards, lifting his opponent’s 214lbs off the mat with relative ease. He holds him there for a second before starting to spin around… and finally drives Wildchild down with devastating force! *BANG!!* The cover is already present as TORU leans forward into the pin and Brian Warner drops to count… ONE! TWO!! THHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! *DING-DING-DING!* “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” TORU rolls away from the pin and slowly gets to his feet, not without a little help from Chris Card. Meanwhile at the top of the entrance ramp Johnny Dangerous stands with a smug expression, the bright arena lights reflected in his mirror shades as he looks down at the broken body of his former tag team partner. “Fans, we have seen a cold, premeditated action here tonight,” Longdogger Pete says, “and not even by TKO! Sure Chris Card and Natasha interfered on TORU’s behalf, but it was Johnny Dangerous’ intervention that seemed to throw the Bahaman Bomber and allowed TORU to make his comeback. Johnny Dangerous wasn’t content just to throw Wildchild to the wolves against TKO a couple of weeks ago, he had to make sure that TORU finished the job tonight!” “Well, here’s hoping that the job really is finished,” King remarks, “I’d hate to have to see that dreadlocked pipsqueak bouncing around the ring again.” “They’re braids, King,” “Whatever. Damn hippy hairstyles,” the Gambling Man snorts. “Say, isn’t it time for a commercial break yet?” As three-quarters of TKO make their way back up the entrance ramp the cameras focus for a moment on Johnny Dangerous. A malicious half-smile quirks the corner of the Barracuda’s mouth for before he turns away and disappears through the curtain to the back. FADE OUT

I can't believe that Manson killed Spike two shows before he challenges for the World Title. That's so awesome it's unbelievable.

It means... shit, I don't know, how can you describe what taking the piss means? It means it's really annoying, i guess.

That's some good shit right there.

Better idea: since this is starting to take the piss, why not forget Smarkdown and just give us more time to write for Ashes 2 Ashes?

Full nelson suplex is a Dragon suplex, no? Unless you mean a full nelson slam. You just wait. If Dace ever shows up again he'll rip your stats a new asshole. Yours and everyone else's, mark you. In other news, welcome! But did you have to be another heel...?

I know. Fucking embarrassing. There's some badass ones of me DJing from this month though.

Believe it or not, the male one (me) is on the left as you look at it. The girl beside me actually IS a lesbian, but just looks like a 12 year-old boy/Harry Potter on that photo. It's confusing I know. I'd also like to point out that my chin isn't that big in real life.

I don't know WHAT you mean. (you just wait, Drea...)

Happy Birthday to the Gothic Avian!

I've always interpreted gormless as meaning looking really stupid. So sort of like Landon means with blank, only a sort of 'duh?' blankness. And Drea, there's no way I'm directing you to that picture of me looking like a lesbian. Find it yourself if you want. Although the site's down at the minute, so i am immune

It does indeed, but that's only because it's my email address (coined many MANY years ago when all my friends were complaining at me for being so grumpy) and I couldn't think of a better name. I'd also like to point out that I don't usually look that gormless.

TORU (and KOJI, if it's a tag match) dressed as garden gnomes. Not very traditional I'll grant you, but how fucking freaky would that look? I demand ELM gets dressed as Jesus.

Yeah. I like the Cruiserweight rules, so don't worry about it. And at least you didn't book TOJI. i hate that bastard.

SWF News and Notes for 10/10/05 Taken from the Wrestling Panda newsletter Dealing with the departure of a bona-fide main-eventer is always tough for even the biggest promotion, which makes it even more impressive that the SWF have coped so well with a few big losses over a short time. After the infamous Year Of Retiring Champions that was 2004 which saw the departure of Ejiro Fasaki, Danny Williams (twice), Va’aiga, Charlie Matthews, John Duran, Nathaniel Kibagami and Janus, all World Champions shortly before they left, plus the in-ring retirement of Tom Flesher at Genesis V, 2005 had not been anything like as damaging. However, within a short space of time the SWF suddenly found themselves without Mak Francis (maybe not a full-time main-eventer, but certainly on the cusp of the upper midcard), Ejiro Fasaki (again) and Toxxic, to this date still the longest-reigning World Champion of 2004 and 2005. With Genesis VI looming and former World Champion Landon Maddix firmly entrenched in a feud with Todd Cortez the SWF bookers evidently thought they needed someone with established main-event clout to take on Johnny Dangerous, and found it in three-time champ Danny Williams. Here is where the SWF’s booking credibility comes into question. All through 2004, the trigger was pulled on a fresh World Champion only to have the legs cut from under them. Several of these short reigns were down to injuries, but it still beggars belief that the SWF bookers didn’t realise that Charlie Matthews, John Duran and Nathaniel Kibagami all had bad necks. Then Toxxic got his initial 19-day run, leading into the Johnny Dangerous title reign. Dangerous was hot, having defeated the biggest new heel in the fed, but the title was taken back off him after one month and put back on Toxxic, who kept it through to Christmas. In 2005 Johnny was given a second chance, perhaps to succeed as a heel where his face run had been pulled, but it was not to be. Mere weeks after taking the title from Ejiro Fasaki in order to allow The Rule to bow out through health issues, Dangerous was jobbed on free TV to Danny Williams. Even this could have been salvageable. Johnny Dangerous, although probably killed as a main-eventer, still has a strong program with Wildchild (based in part off his character’s anger at not keeping the title) and Danny Williams could have been the heroic face World Champion the fans could rally behind, a role he was possibly born to play and was certainly much better in than the bitter character of Fasaki. Unfortunately for Williams the SWF had found another answer to the problems of no new main-eventers; an even older one, in the shape of El Luchador Magnifico. And so it came to pass that at Genesis VI, touted (as each Genesis is) as the biggest show of all time, Danny Williams came to the end of a fourth very short World Title reign and handed the strap onto the longest-reigning champion of all time. The question for the SWF now is; where to go from here? The roster is shockingly short of faces at the moment, with only Spike Jenkins really making it near the top of the card. If Jenkins wins at Ashes 2 Ashes then he will be the only man to win the title this year who has not already held it, but it will also go down as one of the most unlikely upsets in SWF World Title history. If he doesn’t, then it will be hard for the SWF to find another contender; the most established face will be Todd Cortez, but after his program with Landon Maddix he seems to have dropped back down into the midcard. Although the SWF website posted a small notice regarding Toxxic’s departure, citing ‘contractual disputes’ as a reason, neither the company nor the man himself have ventured any further information. Rumour has it that his contract was not renewed due to a staff oversight, but we do not have any evidence to support or deny this claim. After losing the SWF World Title Danny Williams has gone back to Japan (just like the last three times). The Puro fans are always willing to welcome back their favourite gaijin and Williams is rumoured to be in the hunt for at least one Heavyweight Title before the year is up. Max King was due to be back in the ring for Ashes 2 Ashes which is what prompted the SWF to begin the King/Maddix build. However while working a dark match at a TV taping a couple of weeks ago King was stiffed by a clothesline from Ghost Machine which left him with a broken nose and suffering from a mild concussion. With the view that there’s no point bringing a man back from genuinely career-threatening injuries with an unexplained broken nose, management moved the ring return back to the Christmas PPV, which should also allow Maddix to defend the Tag Titles against TKO. There has been no word on Ghost Machine’s punishment for his carelessness. The SWF is looking to delve into the Reality TV market with it’s new show, ‘Smark Enough’. This programme will follow a selection of wannabe-wrestlers through their selection from the huge crowds of hopefuls to the in-ring training (given by SWF veterans ‘Justice’ William Hearford III and ‘Ichiban’ Annie Onita, as well as guest trainers who will drop in), and finally to the eliminations where one contestant will be cut each week until an award is made of an SWF developmental contract, guaranteed for one year, for the two most talented prospects. The first tryouts for ‘Smark Enough’ will occur the weekend of 10/29 and 10/30 at cities across the US. If the series is successful then a spin-off ‘Smark Enough International’ is expected to follow. The addition to the SWF roster of TKO and Akira Kaibatsu is seen by management as a good opportunity to properly break into the Japanese market. Kaibatsu was being groomed as a future main eventer in one of Japan’s top federations, and his defection to the US-based SWF is seen as something of a coup for the company. In contrast, the multi-time tag champions TKO were viewed as getting stale in their home country by the fed bosses, although they continued to get monster heel heat from fans right up until they left. The TORU KOJI Organisation’s SWF roles as rudo pranking tweeners not only gives the company some versatility in the tag team divisions, as they can face any team without losing fan interest, but also provides a sympathetic side to them allowing Japanese fans to see their fellow countrymen tricking and cheating their way to victory over various Americans. Zyon and Scott Pretzler are still on the injured list for the SWF with only rough return dates given; Zyon is expected to be out until at least December with a back problem (that was legitimately exacerbated to at least some extent by the announce table spot in his last match, a spot that Zyon insisted on performing despite the efforts of SWF management to talk him out of it) while Scott Pretzler’s return depends very much on how soon he can rehabilitate himself from his rotator cuff injury. Interestingly, while Zyon is expected to return with the same high-flying, death-defying and clean-cut babyface gimmick he had upon departure it is rumoured that Pretzler’s ‘Critic’ gimmick may be altered. SWF management apparently consider his old gimmick to be strictly midcard-only, and wish to give him a little more ‘edge’ for his return which may see him being pushed towards the main event. A senior SWF source has been anonymously quoted as saying that Zyon and Pretzler are seen as major future players in the company; however, it looks like the hopes that were entertained of Pretzler being back in time for the Cold Front Classic will be disappointed. The SWF has continued to branch out into other media outlets, with Tom Flesher’s autobiography ‘Superior’ firmly entrenched as one of the best-selling non-fiction books of the year, with a full two months in the New York Times’ Bestseller’s List Top Ten. The forthcoming DVD of the Superior One, entitled ‘I Am The Man’, will be released on 10/25/05. Some stores have already stated that they will be doing a deal where consumers can buy both DVD and autobiography for a reduced price in a move nicknamed ‘The Superior Package’ by SWF Marketing. Meanwhile, Janus’ autobiography ‘To Hell Machine And Back’ will be debuting in bookstores a week later on 10/31/05, which is of course Halloween. Early reviews claim that the book is both entertaining and moving as the former World Champion talks candidly about his career and the real-life mental illness he has been fighting for many years.

Yikes. Easy there big guy. Next you'll be giving out hugs like you're Foley.

I second ELM's 'shut up' plea to the pair of you. Whether or not Spike intended to have a losing streak at the start of it is a moot point, but he's making an angle out of it now so who cares? And Spike, do remember that Bruce is Danish, and his English, occasional grammar errors included, is probably considerably better than your Danish. As for active writers: 1. ELM - came back not missing a step and, is regularly booked and is basically being a dick to the whole fed. You've gotta respect that. 2. Landon - will occasionally flake on the big matches, but his character is probably the best-realised whiny bitch since... well, ever. It takes some serious skill to make a 21 year-old former World Champion come across as an immature, sex-starved teenager (I know sex has only rarely been mentioned with Landon, but he really *seems* it. I dunno why). 3. JJ Johnson - Either this guy is an old-timer in a very good disguise (which would explain the fact that he's now marking) or he's spent more time researching the fed than i have (and people used to think I was a ringer too). Plus he's always a good writer, and sometimes pushes the boat out to rise to the occasion and produce something that is The Definitive Shit. 4. Jay Hawke - Mr. Reliability isn't the greatest praise you can normally give someone, but in the fed it means a lot. The International Title could have been a poor unified title if it wasn't for Hawke and his single-minded grasp on it. The first lower-carder to take it from him is going to have a MASSIVE boost. 5. Todd Cortez - Also a very reliable writer. It's a shame he hasn't done much since the Martial Law breakup. Maybe he's Marty Jannetty? Honourable Mentions: Spike and Bruce Blank. Yes, they fight. And yes, they might both have slightly inflated egos (and yes, I'm a fine one to talk). BUT Spike angled himself into a Tag Title shot, and then a World Title shot, which is more initiative than a lot of people show. And Bruce always writes, promos regularly and is trying to make his mark on the Hardcore belt by going 'Ultraviolent' and creating his own gimmick match for Ashes 2 Ashes rather than waiting for whatever CC chucks his way. Granted, this is a match-writing fed, but we need angles too. Make more angles, people!

With regard to the stats of Fillmaff - according to the guidelines King came up with, he's about as strong as Torrie with the speed of Earthquake and the vitality of Mae Young. I refuse to put someone like that over as a threat. Sorry

Ha, if that happens you'll need more than one grave for Bruce. One for the top half, one for the bottom

"PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The South Dakota crowd go absolutely ballistic as "Megalomaniac" by Incubus hits, causing The Suicide King to looooosseee his miiiinndd and the sound of people not loathing Landon Maddix. Which they don't. For this is South Dakota. And in the absence of any actual famous people, Landon Maddix gets booming, hometown hero reception as he walks through the entrance way and makes a walk towards the ring. Pete: "Welcome back to Storm, live from BIZARRO WOOORRRLLLDD~! as here comes the most popular man in the SWF for the night, Landon Maddix." King: "Man, I knew this place was a sorry excuse for a state. But when your proudest product is Landon Maddix, you make Arkansas look like the cultural capital of the world." Maddix, caught up in a wave of happiness, jogs the rest of the way to the ring and slides in. The crowd continue to applaud, woot, holler and so forth, as Maddix takes the microphone from Funyon. Turning to the crowd, he waits for some semblance of quiet from his home-state faithful. Which doesn't come quickly. After all, when was the last time the SWF was in South Dakota. Hell, even the SJL didn't go there. Damn elitists. "Well...I've gotta say, usually I hate you stupid fans..." "BOOOOO?" shouts one fan in the fourth row. "But, it's really good to know that you people really did pay your hard earned money purely to see me." "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" King: "This is all a dream, right? A really, really horrible dream, right?" Pete: "Afraid not." "Because, it's going to prove a point I'd like to make. Now, you may have noticed that I'm not in my gear tonight. Which is because the suits...the braintrusts on the booking commitee decided to leave YOUR home-state hero, Landon Maddix, off tonight's show!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" "The idiots neglect this state and book one show here every other decade, seemingly. And when they finally do bring the SWF to South Dakota, they forget to give me a match? That's ridículo! And just another example of the disrespect shown to me by all quarters of the SWF! From the top to the bottom. Which is why I'm out here. Because STILL, after all this time, TKO are walking around with the World Tag Team Championships around their waists. Nobody has lifted a finger to help Cucaracha Internacional. And I'm sick of it. You people should be seeing Landon Maddix, World Tag Team Champion, in action tonight!" King: "That's argueable." "That's not going to happen." admits Maddix. "But, seeing as I'm not involved in a match tonight, I can finally focus on getting back what's rightfully mine. Chris Card...when I think of the troubles you've caused me over the years, one thing over everything bugs me. Even after keeping me away from the World Title for so long. Even after stealing my Tag Titles. Even after your hired help crushed my limousine. Even after all that...all I've been able to do to you is one thing. One punch. All I've gotten out of you is one, measly punch. So Chris, if you're not too busy working out green cards for your next managerial venture, how about we change all that. I've got nothing to do. And I've got no match tonight. There's nothing - nothing - to stop me from CALLING.. YOU.. OUT!" The crowd pop, as Maddix turns to the entrance way and beckons on Card to come out. Nothing happens though, the waiting continuing on for a little while before Maddix finally goes to speak again...but gets cut off, as here comes Card finally. Pete: "Uh-oh. Here comes Card and we've got a very, very hostile situation on our hands on Storm!" King: "This kid doesn't know what he's getting into." Striding down the aisle, Chris Card rolls up the sleeves on his typically expensive suit and he's ready to go. So too is Maddix, tossing down the microphone and dropping into a fighting stance. "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" The crowd rally behind their South Dakota boy, as Card reaches the ring, straightening his tie before climbing to the apron. Maddix and Card are now face to face, but for some reason, Maddix is backing off. Some of the fans are booing now at this sudden cowardice from Maddix. But they're soon cheering again, as Chris Card suddenly crashes off the apron and lands face-first on the edge of the ring... ...courtesy of JJ JOHNSON!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Pete: "It was a trap! A Cucaracha Internacional trap!" King: "And these IDIOTS are cheering it!!" As Maddix laughs hysterically in the ring, JJ pulls Chris Card to his feet and hurls him into the ring. Quick as a flash, Maddix is right on Card with stomps, JJ rolling in moments later and putting the boots to Card as well! And amazingly, the fans are still going wild. Suddenly though, Maddix points frantically to the entrance way, as here come TKO!! Maddix and Johnson quickly bail out of the ring and head for higher ground, just as TKO roll into the ring to check on their manager. Pete: "Man, it's lucky for Card that his boys were watching the monitors, otherwise he was in big trouble there." Furious, TORU leans over the ropes and gives Cucaracha Internacional the double bird, while KOJI checks on Card still. Meanwhile, in the aisle, Maddix is whispering something to JJ Johnson. Johnson looks confused, but Maddix whispers to him again and JJ nods. And then, for some reason, he turns and starts to walk back towards the ring! Pete: "Wait a minute, wait a minute...JJ Johnson isn't done yet." King: "He soon will be, because Maddix sure as hell is! Look, he's just letting his partner go after TKO alone!" Climbing up the ring steps furthest from TKO, JJ enters the ring defiantely. TKO eventually notice him and turn to meet him, surprised seemingly that JJ is brave enough to be in the ring alone with them. Even more surprised, when JJ actually dares them on! Shrugging, TORU turns to KOJI and points at JJ while conversing in Japanese...and after the two agree on what to do, they quickly remove their trenchcoats, glasses, title belts and the like. TKO then begin to advance. Which prompts JJ to back up a little, realising what he's getting himself into... Pete: "Watch Maddix from behind!" Sneakily, Maddix is sliding in behind TKO now. And with no Card to warn them, TKO don't see Maddix creeping up behind, reeling back and... ...GRABBING THE TAG TITLES, BEFORE ESCAPING WITH HIS LIFE!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Pete: "Maddix got the belts! Maddix got the belts..." King: "And look at him run!" Maddix escapes down the aisle, JJ Johnson bailing out too and joining him. At first, TKO are too pissed off at the lack of a fight to notice their missing belts. But eventually, as they pick their coats back up, they notice the belts are gone...and are now clutched to an ecstatic La Cucaracha's chest! *ahem* The sound of a cleared throat rings out over the PA system and the jubilant Cucaracha Internacional look around to see Chris Card dusting himself off with a microphone in his hand. Strangely enough, Technical Perfection doesn’t seem that annoyed. Card: “Landon, Landon, Landon… you still hit like a girl.” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Card: “But that aside, it’s almost touching how naïve and simple you are, even after stabbing your best friend in the back and trying to steal his girlfriend from him. Landon, did you really think that I didn’t know you’d call me out in your home state, in the vain hope that having some morons cheering you on would give you the talent or the brainpower to take me on?” King: “He has a point. For all his faults Card is still a smart man, and Landon is boringly predictable.” Landon is still grinning however, and he raises his rightful Tag Title belt over his head to prove that he’s come out on top. Chris Card seems to have other ideas though. Card: “Ah yes, the SWF Tag Title belts. Tell me Landon, do they feel like you expected? Just as good as you thought? Or maybe a little… lacking?” For the first time doubt seems to be crossing Landon’s face as the Tag Champion lowers the belt and begins looking at it. Meanwhile JJ Johnson has already realised something is up and is urgently tapping his leader on the shoulder… Card: “That’s right, Landon. Did you think TORU and KOJI would be stupid enough to bring the real SWF Tag Title belts out to the ring for you to steal in such an obvious set-up? No, what you are currently holding is an official SWF replica title belt, freshly ordered from SWF ShopZone. And that, Landon, is the only sort of title you are worthy of holding!” “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Landon and JJ Johnson have just found the ‘$20’ price tags on their new belts, while TKO and Chris Card laugh at them from the ring. Card: “Landon, there’s really only one thing left to do, so please allow TKO to give you a proper homecoming welcome…” With that Card drops the microphone, and all three men in the ring give La Cucaracha the double middle-finger! King: “Now see Longdogger, that’s actually quite funny. Given a couple more years of humiliating Landon Maddix, I could almost grow to like Chris Card again.” Pete: “Lord forbid. Don’t go away fans, we’ll be back right after this!” FADE OUT

I don't remotely fear Bruce Blank. But then again, TKO are far from family friendly. So maybe we don't count as 'Lockdown'.

Why is the 264lb TORU in a Cruiserweight Rules match? Not that it matters. It just means I can throw WC over the top rope, then deny it.