Hoff

The scene opens on Jay Richards pacing in front of an unmarked door, looking nervous. COLE Fans, we're back live here on HeldDOWN, and what is this Jay Richards doing in the building? COACH Pacing! COLE Well I don't think that-- Cole is cut off in mid-sentence by the door opening, and the lovely Josie Baker stepping out, accompanied by an aide. As the pair talk, Jay falls into step behind them. JOSIE Okay, so I need you to get all that cued up, before they decide to go on stage. And don't forget the new system. AIDE Right, ma'am. The aide turns down a hall, off to do her business. Josie smiles. JAY Ms. Baker! Josie looks back, then rolls her eyes as Richards steps into frame. JOSIE Mr. Richards. How lovely to see you. I thought I already told you we weren't interested? JAY Yeah, you did, but I'm here to ask you to reconsider. Josie stops, turning to face the would-be superstar. JOSIE Look, I've given you a lot of thought. Now, as I said, one day, you migh be a superstar. But I think it's just too soon! Now I can talk to the people at HI-YAH, give you a reference, but I-- JAY Wait, what about a tryout match? JOSIE ...I'm sorry? JAY Why don't you give me a tryout next week. You say I'm not good enough? Well let me show your people what I can do, and then decide. What do you have to lose? Josie thinks it over for a moment. JOSIE Well...I don't know if we'll have room on the show... JAY Come on, you can find the time! I mean, what if nobody had ever given K-Money his opportunity? Josie looks up sternly. JOSIE Listen, kid. Don't try to pretend that you know me. You don't know me, or Ken. Keep my family out of this. JAY I don't care about your family! All I want is a shot. Josie looks down, nodding to herself. JOSIE Fine. Next week you get one shot. But you had better impress me. Elation spreads over Jay's face as he shakes the GM's hand vigorously. JAY YES! Thank you, thank you so much, you won't regret it!! Jay walks down the hall, pumping his fist in the air as Josie turns and walks away. *cut to Triple C* COLE So Jay Richards is going to get his shot! CABOOSE Well, I hope for his sake he doesn't blow it. Although it would be funny. COLE Fans, a few weeks ago, we saw two young kids going by the name of the Birmingham Bad Boyz. With a 'Z'. Which instantly makes them better than those no Z losers like Black T and The Heavenly Rockers. If they were the 'Heavenly Rockerz' with a Z, it'd be a different story. Don't even get me started on the New, New Midnight Express...an X and no Z? What's wrong with the New, New Midnight Exprezz? And...uh...where was I? CABOOSE I don't know, but it was bloody intolerable. COLE ...oh well. Tag team action on the way, let's send it up to The Buff! Okay then. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring, from Latin Amerrrrricaaa~! LLLLOOOOSSSS... COOOOONNQUUIIISSSSTADOOOOORRRRRSSSSSS!!! A mixed reaction goes up for the masked duo who raise their fists in the air. As they do, "Flip Reverse It" by The Blazin' Squad hits and the crowd boo the assault on their eardrums. Swaggering out through the curtains, The Birmingham Bad Boyz are already mouthing off to the nearest fans. COLE These two young kids don't seem to like Chicago. COACH COZ THEY'RE CHAVS, INNIT~! CABOOSE Failed Mascot's right, we do have too many commentators. COLE And that's a shoot, brutha. *poses for 7 minutes* COACH ONE MORE MATCH! ONE MORE MATCH! As they walk down the aisle, O'Hara grabs a beer from one of the fans and walks off, only for the one and only CARL WINSLOW~! (~!) to appear from nowhere and tackle him to the floor. Winslow quickly 'leaps' to his feet, pointing his gun at the fan who supplied a minor with alcohol, while O'Hara enters the ring. BUFFER And introducing the opponents. Making their OAOAST debut...the team of Jamie O'Hara and Ryan Burgess... THE BIRMINGHAM... BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADD BOOOOOOOOYYYYZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE See!?! See how much cooler the Z is!?! O'Hara and Burgess raise their arms in the air, only to get mercilessly booed. The two take offence and turn to the outside to argue with the fans. As they do, the taller of the two Conquistadors sneaks up behind Burgess and swipes his Burberry hat!! Burgess turns around in shock, as the Conquistador puts on the hat and WALKS LIKE A CHAV~! Which is only really funny if you know what that looks like, I guess. CABOOSE I thought we sent all the goofs to Japan. Pissed, Burgess fumes in the corner, waiting for the Conquistador to turn around...before WIPING him out with a clothesline!! *DING DING DING!* The bell rings as Burgess stomps away on the Conquistador, whilst O'Hara charges across the ring and bundles the second Conquistador out. Referee Charles Robinson quickly motions O'Hara back to his corner. Meanwhile, Burgess continues to stomp. And stomp. And stomp. And...retrieve his hat...before stomping the Conqistador below the belt. COLE That's Conquistador Dos in there. CABOOSE How do you know that!?! COLE Because it's either Uno and Dos. So Uno is on the floor. So that must be Dos. CABOOSE ...that didn't explain anything. Burgess grabs Dos...or Uno...or...grabs the Conquistador off the canvas, throwing him into a corner. Desperatly Dos tries to cover up, but Burgess starts throwin' hands and pounds Dos into a seated position. O'Hara shouts encouragement from the corner as Burgess backs up...and CANNONBALLS into the seated Dos! COACH STRAIGHT BALLIN', YO~! Getting to his feet, Burgess goes to make the tag. But O'Hara is busy arguing with a couple of 'gypos' in the front row. Robinson is distracted by this for some reason...which allows Uno to reach into the ring, pulling out the winded Dos and switching places with him! Some of the crowd cheer, the rest continue their march to the concession stands, as O'Hara finally tags in. Thinking he has a weakened Conquistador in the corner, O'Hara charges...BUT UNO GETS A FOOT UP TO BLOCK THE BRONCO BUSTER ATTEMPT!! O'Hara bounces away and holds his groin, as Burgess enters the ring. Uno rolls underneath a clothesline though, as Burgess hits the opposite ropes and runs into a standing dropkick! COLE Right on the button from Dos! CABOOSE I thought Uno was the one on the floor? COLE He is. CABOOSE Yeah... COLE So that must be Dos. CABOOSE But they switched a minute ago. COLE Did they? Oh, well, I couldn't tell. To be honest, I can't tell these Conquistadors apart. CABOOSE ... Back in the ring meanwhile, Uno has O'Hara backed against the ropes. Unloading with open handed strikes, Uno grabs an arm and whips O'Hara across...and hits a standing dropkick on him too! Uno dives into the cover... 1... 2.. Burgess breaks the count! Staggering away, Uno tries to get away from Burgess. But Crazee B catches up with him and clubs him with a forearm. And again. Irish whip by Burgess, but Uno baseball slides through, leaving Burgess wide open for Dos and a springboard...EYEPOKE!! "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Robinson admonishes Dos, but the Latin American doesn't seem to understand him, assuming Robinson is saying 'poke him in the other eye'...which he does! "YEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Waving frantically, Robinson finally gets his point across. And instead of poking Burgess in the eye, Dos stomps on his foot! Burgess howls and hops on his good foot as Uno and Dos link arms...but Burgess ducks a double clothesline. On run the Conquistadors, but Burgess ducks again. Suddenly, O'Hara runs into the picture and as the Conquistadors rebound again, they get KOed with stereo superkicks! COLE A superkick a-piece for Uno and Dos! Suddenly, the BBB are fired up and launch into attack, stomping the hell out of Los Conquistadors again. Burgess drops to his knees and starts to choke Dos, while O'Hara splits Uno's legs, dropping a knee south of the border. Literally. Referee Robinson seems lost as O'Hara grabs Uno again...and again drops a knee south of the border. Literally. Burgess meanwhile mounts Dos and pounds away with right hands. Robinson has finally had enough though and forgetting who the legal men are, grabs O'Hara and tries to restrain him... ...but gets nailed with a back elbow!! COLE Hey! He hit Lil' Naitch! CABOOSE Heh, he's never gonna live that debacle down, is he? As Robinson lays on the mat, O'Hara goes back to beating the crap out of the Conquistador. *DING DING DING!* COLE ...wait a minute...referee Robinson's calling for the bell here! Ignoring the bell, The Bad Boyz continue to mercilessly club away at the Conquistadors. Until that is, Michael Buffer walks over to the dazed Robinson and asks what the hell is going on. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...your winners of this match, as a result of a disqualification... LLOOOOOSSS... CONQUISTADORRRSSSSS!! "YEEEEAAAAAAHHHH!!" COLE CONQUISTADORS WIN! CONQUISTADORS WIN! CABOOSE For jobbers, they've got a pretty good record, huh? Hearing the announcement, Burgess and O'hara turn their heads towards Buffer. Wisely though, The Buff sprints off and hurdles the guardrail for safety. Charles Robinson isn't so lucky though. The BBB advance on him and Robinson tries to scramble away. But Burgess catches an ankle, as does O'Hara. With a leg each, the BBB then roll out of the ring, dragging Robinson out and pulling him by the ankles, up the rampway, Robinson clawing and screaming all the way. But nobody seems that bothered about him. Especially Los Conquistadors, who are groggily celebrating their victory. COLE Well, there goes Charles. Let's hope they don't kill him. Or rape him. COACH Ew. CABOOSE Is that all you can say, ew? COACH No, it's not that. I just hate these blue M&Ms. Anyone want the rest?

COLE Welcome back, fans. Hey Coach, it's Benny the Bull again! He's coming over here! COACH HEY BENNY!! HI!! HI BENNY!!!! Benny walks over to the Sofa, and hands Coach a stuffed teddy bear in a Bulls T-shirt. COACH COLE Wow! Pretty cool, huh, Coach? COACH CABOOSE A special gift for our special little man. Benny pats Coach on the head, and walks off. COACH THANKS BENNY!!!! ~“Axelay Kick My Axe OC Remix” by Midee starts playing and as the lead guitar kicks in a man walks out onto the stage. He’s wearing a black luchadore mask with some designs on it, a shirt that reads “R.I.P. Chris Candido”, and black tights with blue text on the sides. One cannot help but notice a few scars on his arms. He calmly walks down to the ring, high fiving any fans who stick their hand out. The crowd remains quiet, unsure how to react to this stranger. He gets into the ring and gets a mike, then addresses the crowd.~ Mystery Man: Hello, everyone. My name is Otaku II. My late father was the original Otaku. I have come to the OAOAST from a now defunct wrestling organization that was once among the most prestigious out there, but due to legal reasons, I cannot mention its name. I consider myself to be a hard worker and a tough wrestler. I always fight clean and I never break the rules, but I am not just another squeaky clean up and comer. I fought in some of the most brutal matches imaginable when I started my career in wrestling over in Japan. ~At this point, this man we now know as Otaku II pulls off his shirt and reveals his scarred chest and back.~ Otaku II: I have survived barbed wire and I have survived fire and I have survived being in matches where C4 was strapped to wooden boards. I do not give in easily, and I always give matches my all. I will be making my wrestling debut in the OAOAST next week, and I hope that you all will be watching and will like the style I bring to the ring. See you all next Thursday. ~Otaku then puts down the mike, leaves the ring, and walks to the back.~ COLE Wow! A statement made by the man known as Otaku II! CABOOSE I like this guy. COACH You do? CABOOSE Well, more than you two. COLE You are just mean, Caboose! CABOOSE It's how I roll. The cameras again cut to Buffer as we prepare for our next match! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your following contest is scheduled for one fall. In the ring, from Chicago, Illinois... *cheap pop* BUFFER ...he weighs two hundred and thirty, Chicago-bred pounds... *cheap pop* BUFFER ...BRRRRRRRIIIAAAAAANN... GGRRRRRRRRAAAAAVVVEEESSSSSSSS!! *awkward silence* "YEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" screams one lone fan in the front row. In the ring, the youthful looking Graves gives him a thumbs up. But the smile soon dissappears from the kid's face, as the strains of AC/DC's "Back In Black" kick in. Some of the crowd pop, simply for a bad-ass song...but the pops die out as the monstrous Bohemoth steps through the curtains, closely followed by Christian Wright. COLE Well, here come a couple of controversial figures. As if we didn't have enough of them around. Bohemoth stops on the stage, flexing 'TEH GUNZ~!' to applause from Wright. BUFFER And his opponent...accompanied to the ring by "The Natural" Christian Wright. From Greenville, South Carolina. He weighs two hundred and eighty four pounds... BOOOOOOO - HHHEEEEEMMOOOOOOOTTTTTHHHHHHH!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Reaching the ring, Bohemoth leaps to the apron. The fear is evident on Graves' face as he looks across the ring at the fate awaiting him. Bo meanwhile enters the ring and gives a nod to Wright. CABOOSE This could be very quick and VERY painful. *DING DING DING!* The opening bell seems more like the dinner bell to Bohemoth, as he instantly charges Graves. Tackling him into a corner, Bo starts to club away on Graves, who desperatly covers up. The strikes still get through though, dazing Graves. Bo eventually grabs an arm, pulling Graves out of the corner and into a HIGH BAAAAACK~! body drop! COLE Oh MY! Graves must have been 7 or 8 HUNDRED feet in the air!! CABOOSE *sighs* A collective groan escapes the fans as Graves rolls underneath the bottom rope clutching his back. Before he can reach the floor though, Bohemoth grabs the kid by the ankle and pulls him back in. Graves tries to crawl away again, but Bo drops a BIG elbow across the ribs to stop him. Before dropping the elbow across the back of the head. Bohemoth looks emotionless as he then picks Graves up, scooping him up and dropping him across the top rope throat first! "LE - ON! LE - ON! LE - ON!" On the outside, Wright turns to the fans and yells at them to keep quiet. The chants don't bother Bohemoth though, as he drops a big leg across Graves' throat. Graves chokes and splutters for breath, causing referee Hebner to check on him. Bohemoth brushes him aside though, picking up Graves and whipping him into the turnbuckles. Out staggers Graves... *WHAM!* "OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...INTO A STIFF, STIFF LARIAT!! COLE Oh my God! CABOOSE I told you. Very quick, very painful. With Graves out cold, Bohemoth pulls himself up, staring down at his motionless opponent. His head then turns to Christian Wright, who with a smile, gives the thumbs down. CABOOSE Uh-oh. Bo nods down to his buddy, before picking up Graves. "LE - ON!" Hooking an arm under his arm and head, Bohemoth scoops Graves up into his arms, carrying the two-thirty pounder in his arms with ease. "LE - ON!" Before swinging him around... "LE - ON!" ...out... "LE - ON!" ...AND DOWN!! COLE He calls that The Erotic Awakening Of B! I call that the end of Brian Graves. 1... 2... 3! *DING DING DING!* "Back In Black" hits again as Bohemoth pulls himself up and casually brushes off Graves' sweat from his shoulder. BUFFER Your winner... BOOOOO - HHHEEEMMMMOOOOTTTTHHHHHH!!! With a beaming smile on his face, Christian Wright rolls into the ring and pats his 'associate' on the back. Bo smiles back, before raising his arms skywards triumphantly. CABOOSE What an emphatic win. COLE And now we know why Christian Wright is so outspoken. With THAT man watching my back...even I'd be outspoken. And tha...HEY, wait a minute!! Suddenly, Da MC stops as Christian Wright pulls Brian Graves to his feet and looks on a front facelock. Already the boos are audible around the arena, as Wright sets Graves up for a vertical suplex. He gets Graves up about half way before stopping, holding Graves at 90 degrees for a second or two...before twisting to the side and SPIKING Graves on the top of his head!! The crowd let out a mixture of gasps and jeers as Wright stands over Graves, staring down at him, with a sick smile on his face. COLE What the hell was the meaning of that!?! CABBOSE I don't know...but I think we're going to find out. Caboose is dead on, as Wright demands a microphone from ringside. Standing over Graves and raising the mic to his lips, Wright has to pause... "LE - ON! LE - ON! LE - ON!" ...waiting for the chants to die down before continuing. WRIGHT Chant all you want...Leon isn't coming. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" WRIGHT You won't be seeing Leon Rodez for some considerable time. Which is for...your own good. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" WRIGHT Leon...I know you're watching. And I know that eventually, you will make your 'triumphant' return. Well...if tonight wasn't a clear enough message sent your way, as to what to expect when you do return...then I suggest you use some of your tainted, dirty money for good and order School's Out. Because, at School's Out...for you, school will be well and truly in. For I am issuing a challenge...to anyone who dares step up against me. I will have my first competitive OAOAST match at School's Out. And Leon, maybe THAT will get you to change your ways. Wright drops the mic and smiles a wry smile, as the crowd boo wildly. COLE An open challenge, issued by Christian Wright. Who's going to accept the challenge? COACH Not me. COLE Where'd you come from? COACH I dunno. Seems like one minute I'm here and one minute I ain't tonight! COLE Well don't YOU go anywhere, folks -- we'll be right back!

The shot fades in on Axel, Hoff, and the victorious Igor Stoyanovich in the back. IGOR WE DID IT!!!!! The trio laughs, smiling like goons at what they just pulled. HOFF You're damn right we did, buddy, hit me up top! Hoff holds up his hand and he and Igor pull off the "Dudes With Attitudes" high-five. Igor pumps his fist in celebration, running around like a lunatic. HOFF Ah, man...now, you sure about this tag match tonight? AXEL Hell yeah, mate! Let's kick their asses! HOFF Hey, I'm with ya, but that stipulation Crystal threw out there... AXEL Ay, nothin' to worry about! We'll beat 'em, and that's that! Hoff nods. HOFF Damn right. Axel and Hoff nod, and clasp hands, as the elated Igor runs around backstage. IGOR A WINNER IS ME! DA!!!!!!!!! ::And we now join a seemingly upset Crystal and Gunner Sharps in a conversation in the hallway. Let’s listen in!:: CRYSTAL I cannot believe that stupid Czech retard called me a skank ho last week! GUNNER Uh, he’s Russian. CRYSTAL Whatever! It’s all the same thing anyways. I’m gone for one day to try and get a “Crystal Day” in my home province, and what happens? I get insulted, in front of my own home crowd! They must have been devastated that their hero was degraded! GUNNER How did that go? Did you get your own day? CRYSTAL (mumbling) It didn’t work out this year. (clears throat) Oh hey! Look who we have here! ::The camera pans to the left of the two rulebreakers and none other than GPX is shown!:: SCOTTY Can we help you with somethin’? CRYSTAL Hey now, no need for hostility. That took some balls what you guys did last week. Beating up Black T, Zack, and Some Guy? Freaking brilliant. JOHNNY Hey, why do you care? We beat up those four ‘cause we weren’t getting any recognition. You, Miss Crown Jewel don’t seem to have a problem with that. You’re getting a World Title shot! CRYSTAL And who’s in the main events? Is it me? Is it even the OAOAST champ? GUNNER Nope. SCOTTY It’s just disgustin’ how the same freaking people hog the main events. We about to change that. JOHNNY True dat. We’re going to make that old guard move for the newer, better guard. CRYSTAL Best of luck to you guys. If you need any help, you know where to look. The GPX walk off, leaving Crystal and Gunner to themselves. Gunner remains his usual stoic self, but a sly grin stretches across the face of the Female Phenom as we come back to the three amigos at Sofa Central. COLE I didn't like that smile on Crystal's face. COACH I like every smile she gives me. CABOOSE "Her," "dudes," it's all good. COACH Hey, what the hell? *Suddenly, The Chicago Bulls theme plays and the lights go out! Bulls mascot Benny the Bull comes down from the ceiling!* COLE Look, it's Benny the Bull! COACH I guess with yet another heartbreaking end to a Chicago sports season, Benny's got to pull in some paychecks somehow, eh? *Benny lands in the ring as the lights return, and shoots T-shirts and stuffed mini basketballs into the crowd with that giant slingshot. He then throws a few into the crowd, then waves and goes into the crowd.* COLE Wow, what a surprise guest. Well folks, last week we saw some startling stuff go down between the Puerto Rican and John Brickston, and we're being told that PR has something to say! Cut to “Mean” Gene Okuerland, who is standing by with a microphone in his right hand at the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! interview area (which means that Gene is standing in front of a cyclone fence that has the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo plastered all over it). “MEAN” GENE OKUERLAND Fans, if you tuned into HeldDOWN~! last week, you witnessed two brutal attacks live as they happened. We saw The Global Party Exchange destroy Zack Malibu, Some Guy, and Black T. And we also saw The Lightning Crew finally get the upper hand on John “Rock Hard” Brickston, when they attacked him backstage right before he was scheduled to defend the Italian Championship against Cuban Wall. Right now, I’m about to interview the leader of The Lightning Crew. He is the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion; He is “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican! “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican walks into the interview area, wearing a Puerto Rico flag bandana, gold chain, sunglasses, pierced left ear, black Lightning Crew t-shirt, blue elbow pads, Puerto Rico flag wristbands, black sweatpants, Puerto Rico flag boots, and the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt sitting over his left shoulder. The crowd boos the moment PRL appears on camera. PRL arrives with a smirk on his face. “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN “Mean” Gene! Damn, it’s been a long time since you’ve interviewed me. What’s up? “MEAN” GENE P.R., what you and The Lightning Crew did last week was viewed by many as cowardly, repulsive, and just plain wrong. How do you feel about that? PRL Well, “The Corporate Champion” is not really concerned about that. I had to find a way to punish John Brickston for all the evil things he’s done to me. He tried to steal my 24/7 Title at Living Anglelously; he has attacked The Lightning Crew without being provoked, not to mention he has a big ego. Just because he’s bigger than me, just because he is more muscular than me, and just because he DOESN’T have a voice that is so high pitched it can make your ears bleed, does not, I repeat, does NOT mean he is the superior wrestler. I won’t deny the fact that Brickston has some skills; it’s just that I have better skills than him. It’s as simple as that. “MEAN” GENE Well, let’s take a look at what transpired last week, backstage at HeldDOWN~!, between The Lightning Crew and John Brickston. The HeldDOWN~! logo flashes by on the screen. On the bottom right hand corner, the words: OAOAST HeldDOWN~! MAY 5, 2005 “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall take turns hitting Brickston. Brickston fights back, but Vitamin X stuns him with a stun taser. The Lightning Crew gang up on Brickston, forcing him onto the floor. Brickston, feeling the effects of the taser shot, is unable to fight back, so he just covers his head in order to block the blows. COLE Another cowardly attack by The Lightning Crew! They know they can’t take Brickston on face-to-face, so they resort to these guerilla warfare tactics in order to gain the advantage! COACH Well, you can’t deny the result. For once, John Brickston is the one getting his ass kick by Tha Puerto Rican, and not the other way around. Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall pick up Brickston. They throw him into a wall again and again, and then kick him. Cuban Wall avalanches Brickston. Cuban Wall chokes Brickston with his bare hands. PRL tells Vitamin X to grab something. Vitamin X responds with a fire extinguisher! Mr. Boricua, PRL, and Thomas Rodriguez hold Brickston up. Vitamin X slams the fire extinguisher across the face of “Rock Hard. PRL holds Brickston’s right hand out, and Vitamin X slams the fire extinguisher onto it, causing Brickston to scream out loud. PRL holds out the right hand again, and once again X slams the fire extinguisher onto it. COLE Oh my God! Look at what The Lightning Crew is doing! COACH They’re targeting John Brickston’s right hand! They’re trying to break it! CABOOSE That’s the way to go, Lightning Crew! Wall holds Brickston, and PRL superkicks him. PRL says the attack is not done yet, so Cuban Wall picks up Brickston, grabs him by the throat, and gives him a chokeslam! COLE What a disgusting attack! Tha Puerto Rican is nothing but scum! He’s a slimeball! CABOOSE I’m sure PRL doesn’t care about anything you have to say about him. The Lightning Crew laugh evilly at what they have just done. They high-five each other, watching John Brickston lie on the floor in pain, holding his stomach and his right hand. PRL spits on Brickston. Suddenly, The All-American Boys run towards The LC and attack! COLE Hey! The All-American Boys have arrived! COACH They’re repaying John Brickston for saving them last week! The All-American Boys beat up Cuban Wall and Vitamin X. Suddenly, Thomas Rodriguez zaps All-American Boy II with the stun taser. He then zaps All-American Boy III with the stun taser. Mr. Boricua clotheslines AAB II. PRL signals for a chokeslam. Mr. Boricua picks up AAB II and gives him a chokeslam onto the cold, hard concrete. Vitamin X shoves AAB III onto Mr. Boricua, who grabs him and gives him a chokeslam onto the concrete also. COLE My God, will somebody please stop this carnage! COACH The Lightning Crew has absolutely DESTROYED The All-American Boys and John “Rock Hard” Brickston! CABOOSE HA! HA! I love it! This is great! PRL has done it again! You gotta love that man! Cuban Wall splashes John Brickston. He gets up, and splashes AAB II. He gets up again, and splashes AAB III. CABOOSE And now those three poor saps are now flatten like pancakes. Aww, this just keeps getting better and better. The Lightning Crew stands victorious over The All-American Boys and John “Rock Hard” Brickston. Brickston is coughing, and holding his right hand. Cuban Wall grabs the OAOAST Italian Championship belt and puts it in Brickston’s face. CUBAN WALL You’re not going to hold this belt for long! Cuban Wall drops the belt next to Brickston. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes by on the screen again. The camera does a close-up of PRL laughing at the footage. The crowd boos. OKUERLAND There you have it folks. The Lightning Crew attacked John Brickston and The All-American Boys, and PRL is proud of it. P.R. Well, you get what you deserve. Brickston was long overdue for a beatdown of that magnitude. And he finally got his just desserts last week. OKUERLAND What about the rumours circulating that Brickston has broken ribs, and a broken right hand as a result of this attack? PRL Meh. Doesn't bother me. I won't shed a tear if Brickston is injured. Infact, I'll do an Ashlee Simpson-like hoedown if I find out he is seriously injured. Infact, you can join me Gene. We'll dance together just like when you danced with the Gobbledygooker at the 1990 Survivor Series! GENE (annoyed) No thanks. PRL Fine, be that way! “MEAN” GENE Well, what about The All-American Boys? PRL Well, they shouldn’t have put their noses in my business. Just because Brickston saved them a few weeks back does not give them the right to inject themselves into Lightning Crew affairs. But they did, so we responded by kicking their asses. Sorry All-American Boys, but hopefully this will teach you a lesson you’ll never forget. (PRL smiles at the camera.) CROWD “P.R. SUCKS!” “MEAN” GENE OKUERLAND PRL, incase you didn’t know, John Brickston also issued a challenge against you for School’s Out. Let’s take a look. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes by on the screen. A caption reads: OAOAST HeldDOWN~! MAY 5, 2005 BRICKSTON You tell PRL, you tell him, I want his ass at School’s Out! I want to kick his ass at School’s Out! I’M GOING TO DESTROY THA PUERTO RICAN AT SCHOOL’S OUT! I WILL! Brickston continues being checked by the medical personnel. COLE John Brickston is bleeding from the mouth, and yet he still has the strength to issue a challenge to PRL for School’s Out. COACH Brickston has had enough of PRL. He was screwed out of the 24/7 Title at Living Anglelously! The Lightning Crew viciously attacked him tonight! He wants to settle this at School’s Out; the question is whether or not Tha Puerto Rican will accept the challenge. COLE Who knows what he has suffered. Broken ribs? A broken hand? What injuries does he have thanks to this attack? CABOOSE Hopefully injuries bad enough that cause him to retire. COACH Why you got to be such an ass? CABOOSE Why you got to be such an idiot? COACH Uh...I don't know. BRICKSTON I want to kick PRL’s ass at School’s Out! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes by on the screen, taking us back to the HeldDOWN~! interview area. “MEAN” GENE So, P.R., the people want to know. Will you accept John “Rock Hard” Brickston’s challenge for a match against him at School’s Out? Tha Puerto Rican thinks it over for a few seconds. PRL Hmmm. Uh…NO! Crowd boos. “MEAN” GENE And why not? PRL Why not? Because Brickston hasn’t shown me that he deserves a rematch! He had his chance, and he BLEW IT! It’s his own damn fault that he didn’t become the 24/7 Champion at Living Anglelously. Just because he feels like he was screwed out of the 24/7 Title at Living Anglelously, even though everyone and their grandmother knows Brickston hit me in the head with a pair of brass knuckles, he wants to fight me again? Uh-Uh! Tha Puerto Rican says this, until Brickston proves to me that he deserves a shot at my 24/7 Title, there will be NO REMATCH! The crowd boos. Suddenly, an idea pops into PRL’s head, and he starts speaking again. PRL But tell you what, (in a mocking tone): “Rock Hard”, (normal, high pitched voice): you want to fight me so bad at School’s Out? You can. Except it will NOT be in a one-on-one match. Once again, there will be NO REMATCH. Instead, I want to treat my Lightning Bolts to a tag match. An 8-Man Tag Match to be exact. That’s right, at School’s Out, on May 29th, there will be an 8-Man Tag Team Match with moi, Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, and Vitamin X. And we will be taking on John Brickston, and three partners of his choice. It doesn’t matter whom. It can be a current star, or a star from the past. It can be a rookie or a legend. It can even be someone off the street I don’t care. As long you find 3 partners, it’s all good. So, come on down to Washington D.C. for School’s Out on Sunday May 29th, you bring your guys, and I’ll bring my guys, and we’ll have a match. And Brickston, I am looking forward very much to laying the smackdown on you and your partner’s candy asses! PRL does the laying the smackdown hand gesture (although it looks like he is trying to make a sandwich). THA PUERTO RICAN And John, if you do manage to beat my team, I may consider letting you have a rematch against me for the 24/7 Title somewhere down the road. But you will have to beat my team in order for me to consider it. I’m not going to be soft; I am going to kick your ass all over the capital of the United States Of America! So, go ahead, find three people to be on your team. It doesn’t matter who you pick, because the end result will be the same. The Lightning Crew on top. And your team, down for the count. 1-2-3. THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican leaves the interview area with the 24/7 Championship belt in tow. The crowd continues it’s booing of PRL. “MEAN” GENE OKUERLAND Well, you heard it here, ladies and gentlemen. Tha Puerto Rican, Popick, Cuban Wall, and Vitamin X will take on John “Rock Hard” Brickston, and three partners of his choice in an 8-Man Tag Team Match at School’s Out on May 29th. Who will Brickston choose to be his partners? Hopefully, we will find out soon. Michael Cole, Coach, Caboose, back to you guys at Sofa Central for more HeldDOWN~! COACH This is one long-ass segment! CABOOSE Sometimes they get long. COACH Oh, believe me, the Coach knows about "long." CABOOSE I-- ugh.....urp....*vomits* COACH Two weeks runnin'! Green Day's "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams" hits as three yellow lights shine down on the entranceway, mildly waking up the crowd who haven't had much to cheer about the tag team coming out at this time. GREEN PYRO MISSILES blast out of the staging area, followed by the appearance of the Sk8ter Boiz . BUFFER The following contest is a non-title match set for one fall, with a 15 minute time-limit. Introducing first, weighing 345 pounds, from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, The Marv and Hell Mel, the SK8TER BOIZ! The Boiz get a nice ovation, but nowhere near the levels of past fan favorites such as the GPX or C.O.D. The Marv rides a SKATEBOARD to the ring, slapping as many hands as possible as he passes by. We zooms in on Marv's BUTT, written on the back: "LOOK BEHIND YOU." Pan around -- Hell Mel also slapping the fans' hands, a couple of young female fans, around 8-10 years old, reaching over the railing and tugging on Mel's unbuttoned dark blue blazer. Head of Security CARL WINSLOW intervening and politely asking the girls to let a smiling Mel go. COACH NEVER MIND WHY HE IS STILL ALIVE!!! COLE I find our next matchup to be very interesting, guys. We have the hungry young lions from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, the Sk8ter Boiz going up against the experience OAOAST World Tag Team champions, the New New Midnight Express with Jim Cornette. Both teams have beef with one another. The New New Midnight Express are upset the Sk8ter Boiz assisted C.O.D. in the infamous "Weekend at Neddy's" video. In response to that, the newly crowned tag team champions ambushed Marvin and Melvin Nerdly backstage, leaving them a bloody mess, presumably by using the sharpe ice skate found dripping with blood nearby. This is the first-time we'll see the Sk8ter Boiz in action since their attack a couple weeks back. It was a match they asked for, and was granted by OAOAST officials. CABOOSE Let's not forget to inform the public the New New Midnight Express agreed to this match, Cole. Do not try to spin this. COACH The Coach was talking with OAOAST agent Terry Taylor -- the Rooster himself -- earlier today about this very match, fellas, and he told me the Sk8ter Boiz are two of the most talented men he's ever seen, they just haven't had a chance to show what they can do. Well tonight they're going to have that chance, because they're not facing just another tag team. They're facing the two-time OAOAST World Tag Team champions, the New New Midnight Express. DUM, DUM, DUM, DUM... The synthesizied beat of Giorgio Moroder "Chase" begins blaring through the speakers, the fans wasting no time letting their voices be heard as they viciously boo the 3 men coming out onto the stage -- the New New Midnight Express and Jim Cornette. BUFFER And their opponents. Accompanied to the ring by their manager Jim Cornette, weighing 465 pounds, the professional wrestling Tag Team champions of the World, the NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXXXXPRESSSS! All 3 men jog to the ring and climb up the ring steps. James E. Cornette sits on the second rope and holds the top rope up for his men, following them in after they've both entered. "Sarcastic" Simon Singleton and "Narcissistic" Ned Blanchard remove their tag title belts and pose for the cameras along with their manager in the corner. They hand Cornette the belts, which he then drapes across his shoulders and exits the ring, taunting a couple of hecklers wearing Heavenly Rockers gear ringside. The Midnights and the Boiz remove their entrance attire -- vests, blazers, etc. -- leaving Hell Mel as the only one wearing anything but his ring gear left; a red mesh tank top with "Matix" on the front. Each team huddles in their respective corners and share last-minute words before breaking. Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned form an "X" with their forearms and bash them together. The Marv and Hell Mel double high fiving, catching each other on the rebound and chest bump. Narcissistic Ned and Hell Mel exit the ring, Sarcastic Simon and The Marv left to start the match. * DING DING * COLE Referee Nick Patrick calls for the bell and we're officially underway. The Sk8ter Boiz vs. the New New Midnight Express in a non-title match! CABOOSE I know there's a 15 minute time-limit, but I have this one over in under 5. You have the reigning tag team champions against an inexperience team. COLE Well, matches aren't won on paper or on the words of a broadcast commentator. Sarcastic Simon and The Marv lockup. Marv with a go-behind into a hammerlock, and then into a SCHOOL BOY which gets two! While only a two-count, it sends shockwaves through Jim Cornette and Narcissistic Ned. They, nor did anybody else for that matter, expect to see the Boiz manage to get a quick pin attempt so soon into the match. Sarcastic Simon, meanwhile, doesn't have the opportunity to absorb what James E. and the Handsome Hustler did, as The Marv stays on the offensive, scooping Singleton up in the air and slamming him back down to the mat. The Sultan of Sarcasm avoids an elbow drop and tries to catch Marv with one of his own, but The Marv rolls out of the way and Singleton's ends up hitting nothing but canvas. Simon gets up holding his right elbow. Nerdly grabs ahold of Simon's left wrist and whips him across the ring, taking him up and over by the right arm for a HIPTOSS, Singleton's right elbow landing hard on the mat. The Marv turns away from Simon and falls backwards, the back of his head smacking with Simon's. ROCK N' FAKIE (Reverse diving headbutt)! He makes the cover and hooks the leg, while holding onto the back of his head. Nick Patrick goes down to make the count. ONE... TWO... NO! SIMON KICKS OUT. CABOOSE What an idiot! Who the bloody hell uses a reverse diving headbutt, huh? He could've knocked himself out cold that way. COLE It's a small price to pay to collect a win. CABOOSE I'll give you that. As the first-ever two-time OAOAST Champion, I wrestled through aches and pain, all of which was worth it if I left the arena that night with the belt still in my hands. But if Nerdly had knocked himself out -- the closest thing he'll get to knocking up anything -- who would have made the pin? He couldn't; he's out cold. Melvin can't; he's not the legal man. The answer: He would have gotten pinned. The Boiz focus in on Simon's right arm, now that he is favoring it after missing the elbow drop earlier. Armbar applied. The Marv takes him over to his corner and tags Hell Mel in. Mel leaps to the top -- SHOOTING STAR DOUBLE-AXEHANDLE ONTO SIMON'S RIGHT ARM, getting the crowd out of their seats for the new twist on an old move. Arm ringer applied. Melvin, a.k.a. Hell Mel, yanks on the arm, flipping Sarcastic Simon over and dropping a couple of legdrops across the arm. Mel keeps a wristlock on Simon as he gets back up. THUMB TO THE EYE! Sarcastic Simon thumbed Mel in the eye, and he quickly tags out, bringing in the fresher man. "Narcissistic" Ned Blanchard slingshots over the top and lands perfectly in the ring on his feet. He charges Nerdly, but Hell Mel takes him over with an armdrag. Ned rises back to his feet and is met by a right hand. A disoriented Ned staggers towards the corner -- the wrong corner, the Sk8ter Boiz corner -- and takes a right from The Marv that sends him stagger back to Hell Mel who sends Blanchard right back where he came from following another right. The Boiz and the crowd have some fun with the Handsome Hustler before Hell Mel whips him to the ropes. Blanchard leapfrogs over a ducking Mel, but is dropped on his back following a DOUBLE LEG TAKEDOWN. Hell Mel somersaults over, holding onto Blanchard's legs. ONE... TW-- Narcissistic Ned slaps Hell Mel across his midsection with the palm of his hands and BRIDGES UP, attempting a BACKSLIDE but Melvin fights it. The Marv comes in and DROPKICKS HIS OWN BROTHER, sending him floating over the back of Ned and hits a TILT-A-WHIRL ROCK BOTTOM! The cover! ONE... TWO... TH-- SIMON BREAKS UP THE PIN! Hell Mel calls for his brother to join him in the ring. They wait for Ned to get back on his feet and nail him flush in the jaw with a DOUBLE DROPKICK, Ned tumbling out of the ring. Sarcastic Simon and Jim Cornette coverge outside with Narcissistic Ned, Simon massaging his shoulders while James E. fans him with his racket. Hell Mel tags in The Marv, and the Sk8ter Boiz stand mid-ring, pumping their fists, soaking in the cheers. COLE The Sk8ter Boiz proving their more than a comedy act. I know Jim Cornette and his men did not expect this. Narcissistic Ned slides back into the ring, sneering. Sarcastic Simon extends his hand out for a tag, but Ned shakes his head, wanting to stay into this match. He walks up to The Marv and points to Hell Mel standing on the apron. That's who he wants to face. Marv looks around the building, asking the fans if he should tag Mel. All the yelling and screaming inside the arena indicate yes. TAG MADE! Narcissistic Ned attempts to intimidate his 20-year-old opponent by showcasing an array of martial arts maneuvers, much to the delight of Jim Cornette and the distain of the fans. After a standoff, the two engage in a GRECKO-ROMAN KNUCKLELOCK! A big smile emerges on Ned's face as he brings Hell Mel to his knees and makes him scream for mommy. The Marv encourages the crowd to get behind Mel by furiously slapping the top turnbuckle. On cue, the crowd begins clapping their hands. Mel starts nodding his head, his legs trembling as he dramatically rises back to his feet. Hell Mel backs Narcissistic Ned up against the ropes with a succession of stinging kicks to the midsection. He leaps onto Ned's thighs and takes him over with an armdrag. Just as quickly Ned gets back up, he goes back down with another beautifully executed armdrag. This time Ned stays down and plays possum, waiting for Mel to come over and pick him up before stunning him with a reverse elbow to the gut. Irish wh-- No, reversed by Mel. Sarcastic Simon with the blind tag. Blanchard ducks under a leapfrog, stops in his tracks and spins Nerdly around. Hell Mel avoids a clothesline, measures Ned and leaps onto his shoulders. HURRICARANA COUNTERED INTO A POWERBOMB! Narcissistic Ned countered the hurricarana into a powerbomb. He hooks Mel's legs and CATAPULTS him towards the center of the apron, where Sarcastic Simon comes off and connects with a SPRINGBOARD CLOTHESLINE! Jim Cornette hoots and hollers outside as Sarcastic Simon stomps Hell Mel, making him squirm around. He brings him back to a vertical base and sets him up for a back suplex, but instead bounces Mel's legs on the top rope and then drops him across his right knee. SLINGSHOT BACKBREAKER! COLE Oh, my! The experience of the New New Midnight Express really coming through here. The Sk8ter Boiz had fought a competive battle up until this point. You gotta believe their window of opportunity closed shut once the New New Midnight Express regain control of the match. COACH They never had a chance, Mikey. Quite frankly, The Coach is surprised they've lasted this long. So I'll give them props for that. Not mad props, but props nonetheless. And The Coach doesn't give props easily. ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! SHOULDER UP. Singleton lifts Mel up and slam-- NO, COUNTERED INTO A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE... TWO... THRE-- NO! SIMON KICKS OUT! Narcissistic Ned enters. He and Simon stun Mel momentarily with a double-kick. They whip him to the ropes. DOUBLE-TEAM FLAPJA-- MEL TAKES THE NNMX OUT WITH A DDT! The Midnights had him up in the air, but Hell Mel hooked both their heads and DDT'd them. The buzz in the arena grows as Mel crawls to his corner, The Marv stretching out as far as he possibly can. Jim Cornette pounds the apron outside with both hands. Simon and Ned are just beginning to stir. Simon makes one last attempt to prevent Mel from making the tag, grabbing his leg, but Mel lunges forward and JUST BARELY grazes the tip of Marv's hand, the crowd ERUPTING as Nick Patrick claps both hands overhead, signaling a tag has been made. COLE There it is! The Marv coming in a house afire. Right hands for everybody. Down goes Simon. Down goes Ned. Jim--Jim Cornette's hopped on the apron. And he gets hammered with a right hand too! The Sk8ter Boiz jump on the top rope and wait for the New New Midnight Express to near them. Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned staggering around the ring. They turn around and look up. STEREO CROSS BODYBLOCKS! Marv on Simon, Mel on Ned. ONE... TWO... THREE! Crowd EXPLODES! * DING DING DING DING * COACH Oh, my God! COLE Sk8ter Boiz win! Sk8ter Boiz win! Sk8ter Boiz win! I don't believe it. Sk8ter Boiz win! Cornette brushes up against the apron, sobbing, his face bright red. The Marv and Hell Mel are jumping up and down in the ring, full of excitement. The cheers of the crowd turn into boos, as THE 70'S DUDE hits the ring and nails both Boiz with his tye-die X-TITLE! A 4-on-2 beat down ensures, with the New New Midnight Express and Jim Cornette joining the Dude in beating the Sk8ter Boiz. The crowd ROARS as THE SUPERSTAR JAMES ALLEN sprints to the ring with a STEEL CHAIR in hand. The heels immediately bail out. OAOAST officials meeting them halfway to the back, making sure this doesn't escalate any further. COLE HeldDOWN is out of control!

I ain't posting shit. Of course I said that this week. WHAT WILL HAPPEN? HOW, AND WHY?! One thing WILL happen: Hoff and Igor Stoyanovich vs. Crystal and Gunner Sharps Some night I'm making an OAOAST tour schedule.

Bret Hart? The guy is one of my favorite workers, ever, but here's a guy who was barely six feet, under 250 pounds, and the straight man on his tag team. He's a decent promo guy, but he's ever been on the level of the guys like Rock, Austin, Hogan, Flair, etc. And yet this guy worked his way up the ladder to become a five-time WWF champion, at one point synonymous with the company. It's not that he didn't deserve any of it, because he's phenomenal in-ring, but the fact that he did so in the valley of the giants is pretty astounding.

NO~!

NORMAL-SIZED DONUT

!!!

I'm gonna poison that @#$% donut.

Piss =/= smart

I might buy an album from Bo, but I like his stuff, so it's not exactly a shock.

KC =/= judge

Bingo. Furthermore, just because somebody isn't a "leader" backstage doesn't mean they are or are not a nice person. Your argument is fair enough, but this isn't a government trial, and there is no demand of proof beyond a reasonable doubt. There's tons of circumstantial evidence in Rico's favor, though, and that's good enough for me.

Lacey's very pretty, but the baser parts of me crave Lindsay. Or they used to...

You think Favre's gonna play for two more? After all the rumors, I could see him setting this season as his last. Win or go home.

You're not gonna rest until you have that donut, are you?

ur so cool d00d

Lacey Chabert's all well and good, but I'd take Lohan over her.

Aw.

Speak for yourself. I just did. Wait wait wait. Unless you have multiple personality disorder, Plague, you clearly did NOT just speak for yourself. I don't know what Rico is like as a person, but I've heard a lot of good stories about him on the net, and I can't recall any bad ones, so that's what I'm inclined to believe. If you haven't heard anything one way or the other, good for you, but you have no idea what "we" have seen or heard. Meh. Keep your opinion, I wouldn't want it anyhow. Your opinion is your ass hole, I wouldn't want it. Opinion, understanding of English, y'know, either way. Ban this fool.

That's not why. It was funny because you were being all calm about it, and Ill messed the fucker up out of the blue. He had no idea what hit him.

I would think that the contestants would have to choose relatively quickly to help the band out. But who knows, they very well could learn all the songs. If so I hope they're well compensated.

WUT. Back before the...tragedy, Lohan would have mopped the floor with Kelly. Sorry, preppy, but it's the truth.

I don't think it counts for the contest, but it was pretty funny. HTQ was being all nice to the guy, and all of a sudden Ill chopped his head off.

http://raisedbykubrick.com/otherstuff/lohan23ik.jpg