Hoff

Mr. Meatwad, if you don't settle down we'll ask you to remove yourself from the mortal coil. And not so much "ask" as "force." Any questions for the Doctor?

*POINTS TO SIG*

I see the statements made by Dr. Tyler and myself have left you all speechless and in awe. I believe that is the strongest endorsement we could have. Quit playign with your dicks, admins, and make this pillar of the community a supermod, as he truly should be.

What I didn't say which I meant to was that it's understandable if you honestly can't, but it would be nice to at least hear the reasons why and that you would if you could. Even if it's an understood, people like to hear those things. It's like telling your significant other you love them -- even if it's understood, it's nice to hear. A bit melodramatic, but same principle. Still, CC, sorry to have offended you.

Gentlemen, I apologize. Before I field your inane questions, I have an addendum which has been handed to me by Dr. Tyler's associates: *cough* *sip of water* YOU MONKEY SHITS DESERVE A STAPLER TO YOUR MOUTHS. QUIT BREATHING OUR AIR, BOW DOWN, AND SHOW SOME FUCKING RESPECT BEFORE WE BREAK YOUR SKULL INTO PIECES. YOU PISS-DRINKING SLUTS CAN ALL GO TO HELL. I apologize for the delay; questions?

Hey, all right then. I've got a prepared statement that the good Doctor would like me to read, and then I'll be fielding your questions. *ahem* Dr. Tyler should be the next supermod because the whole lot of you have no idea how to conduct yourself. You need this shining star in the sky to lead you to prominence and prosperity. Without the caring but firm guidance of a man like Dr. Tyler, you would all be lost, sheep strayed from the flock. We need a sheperd for the new millenium. We need Dr. Tyler. And Rob E. Dangerously is a two-dollar skank. Questions, anyone?

Listen I'm not saying anything here, I'm just saying, but....stay back, Eski.

Okay. The other thing. 168. There are 168 hours in a week. Let's say a normal, avergae-length show takes a half an hour to read, which is about where I sit. Now let's say that you want to do feedbacking "right," aka with great detail. Let's say that takes another half an hour. I don't think it does, but benefit of the doubt here. That's one hour. Say you work forty hours a week. And, let's say you get eight hours of sleep a night, which is 56 a week. Let's even say you're like my roommate and go to school as well as work a full-time job, or you have two jobs. Throw another 40 hours a week on. That all makes 136 hours. Under this model, you have 32 hours remaining. Let's say an hour of travel time a day. We're down to 25 hours. An hour a day for food. Eighteen hours. So we're sitting at everything you could do in a week working two jobs, commuting, sleeping, all that, and you have 18 true free hours left. Eighteen hours to do whatever you want. First off, that seems pretty low to me. But let's say it's true. In those eighteen hours, you can't take one to read the show and feedback? I mean, this is something we all supposedly care about. We enjoy writing, sure, But we should also enjoy the reading of it. Moreover, we should want to read the shows, and discuss them, to let others know we appreciate their work. I dunno. To me, it doesn't seem like a lot of time. Now let's disregard the extreme cases, things like Zack's situation. Let's take CC, in high school. Instead of 80 hours for two jobs, let's say nine hours of highschool a day, for education and then extracurriculars. Five schooldays a week makes 45 hours. Add a part time job, say 15 a week, and that makes 60. 80-60= twenty more free hours. CC, I don't mean to single you out; I'm just saying that under this model, you now have thirty-eight hours of freetime. Surely, one could be spared. The point of this long-winded rant is this: you have time. Whoever you are, except in rare circumstances, you have time. And I admit, we do all have things out of our control. The show was late because work threw me a curve ball. Things happen. But on an almost-every-week basis, everyone here ought to be able to say SOMETHING. And for those who want to "do it right," trust me, the rest of us would rather hear three words than nothing at all. We all here enjoy writing...but as human beings, we all want to know people are reading it, and hopefully appreciating it. And if we're going to keep this an environment were everyone feels appreciated, then EVERYONE has to work toward it. Otherwise, this resentment is going to build, and we're going to lose not only talented writers, but far more importantly, people who care.

Feedback first, then we'll get into the points addressed in the thread. Before I start this, a stylistic question. I used to put *commercials* in between segments, then I stopped, figuring that it'd work itself out. This week, I used it in some places and not others, stylistically. Which way is best? Does it matter? Let me know, I'd appreciate it. - I hope KC noticed the props I gave him in the opener. "The latest designs." I really do like them, keep it up. - I'm still not feedbacking Rocky IV (dude, zing, I hope someone gets that) until he does likewise, but as far as coding goes, I dunno. I C'n'P'ed it direct, although he did NOT use the CODE tag, so I can't guarantee his safety. I will say I have READ the segment and do have thoughts, negative and positive. - Good Alf promo, but is Alf going after ANY titleholder, then, or just the Heavyweight Champ? It seemed like the former, until the last line. - Another fiery Zack Malibu promo, with Black T the picture of heeldom. Excellent setup for the match later on as well. - Uh..."the Man of Tomorrow and the Pyscho Gremlin?" Heh. Frank was on FIRE, the "Angel of Bliss" line had me rolling. Cool brawl at the end, the storage trunk spots were neat. For some reason, I imagine Holly having a really pale ass. I dunno why. Anyway, this was good. - Simon got OWNED~! This segment was cute. I like the tie-dyed title as well. - Nice little Rodez promo, leading into more from CW. I wonder where the Bohemoth thing will lead...also, Leon asking for GTA cheats was great. - Very interesting Brock Ausstin/PK bit. Interesting indeed... - A really, really fun match that Frig should be proud of. Well-done, put together well, a good story of the numbers game, and it got a lot of people involved in a way that made sense. Outside of some typos this was pretty much flawless, and I'm not one to talk there - LOL @ everyone who marked for Crazy Vampire. As for the Int'l Amnesty segment, I'll be airing a TWO-PART OAOAST.COM EXCLUSIVE tomorrow and Tuesday nights, detailing the history of Igor Stoyanovich, as well as re-airing the first two International Amnesty segments. So WATCH! Thanks for the positive feedback, though. Panther, I especially appreciated yours, being "retired" and all. Meant a lot that you read, AND remembered, AND cared enough to comment. Thank you. - As soon as I read "CUE: Getting Away With Murder," Billy and Chuck's old theme played on my Winamp. COINCIDENCE?! These guys DID have a nice hot little match going for themselves, until OMG ANARCHY RULZ. Good promo after the beatdown that made me want to see more. MORE! I CRAVE IT~! All in all, a good if promo-heavy show. Hopefully more matches this coming week.

n0

I'll post it this week, but listen, starting soon (two, three, four weeks) I'm HOPING to have my Thursdays occipied, so, with Patty gone, we really need another show poster. Or, to move the day of the show.

I'd like to request the ME slot, if that's all right, for whoever's posting it, which may end up being me. OMG SWERVE: it WON'T be for the aforementioned tag match. WHAT COULD HAPPEN~

I LOVE Damar's redemption. It's so great. A bit short, maybe, but so well done.

We had a new guy just join on...now I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.

From the Dominion War on, I'd put forth that DS9 was the best sci-fi series ever, as a "serious" show anyway. Just a great war show, with the sci-fi twist, and it remained a Trek show as well.

I'm so pissed that no one else cares about the upcoming fall of man. I'm gonna bump this topic FOREVER.

I'll take it.

I think it's obvious you should answer my IMs.

HARSH! You better protect yo' neck, preppy.

Oh, FUCK. I'm so writing something special for him.

!!!

It had already been called, and due to the angle I couldn't justify moving it. Otherwise I absolutely would have; in fact, I had it set as such until I remembered I needed the spot open.

You bastards.

© 2005 OAOAST, Inc./HeldDOWN Entertainment CREDITS #1 MST3K Mark Alfdogg Mystery Eskimo Tony149 Failed Mascot King Cucaracha KingPK King Hoff (lolz) Zack Malibu

HeldDOWN is presented by OAOAST Entertainment. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* OAOAST HeldDOWN~! The strains of Ashlee Simpson's LaLa play over the TV sets of America as we see the opening montage, and with Patty gone, I am CHANGING that shit. Like soon. Logo, yeah, we get it, we know the drill by now. And we cut LIVE to the arena, in gorgeous Vancouver. The Canadian strongmen are in full effect, lots of flannel in the crowd. Many OAOAST T-Shirts under that flannel, especially all the latest designs. Those T-shirts are better seen in the light...of FIREWORKS! And take it away, Triple C! COLE WELCOME TO HELDDOWN!! I'm Michael Cole, along with the Coach and Caboose, with a great line-up tonight. We've got an Italian title defense on tap, as well as lots of great promos! COACH Like NOBODY wrote matches this week. COLE Also, we're being told that we'll hear live via satellite from our former X Champ, Leon Rodez! And, apparently, Hoff has a "surprise" in store as well! COACH I hope it's candy! CABOOSE I hope it's valium. COLE But enough talk -- let's get to the ACTION! CABOOSE Cole's gonna watch man porn, look out. The camera cuts to the ring where Michael Buffer is standing with the microphone. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a sixty-minute T.V. time limit; and is for the One And Only AngleSault Thread Italian Championship! Crowd pops. The AngleTron suddenly lights up with an image of Cuban Wall beating on someone. COLE Hey wait a minute. What�s going on? The camera reveals that The Lightning Crew is attacking someone backstage. Cuban Wall picks up the person�who turns out to be John �Rock Hard� Brickston! Cuban Wall repeatedly punches Brickston in the face as the crowd boos. COLE That�s John �Rock Hard� Brickston! He was scheduled to defend the Italian Championship tonight against Cuban Wall! COACH It seems as if Cuban Wall has launched a pre-emptive strike against Brickston! COLE But why? Why doesn�t he just come out here and fight Brickston in an actual match? CABOOSE Because The Lightning Crew rules, that's why. �The Corporate Champion� Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall take turns hitting Brickston. Brickston fights back, but Vitamin X stuns him with a stun taser. The Lightning Crew gang up on Brickston, forcing him onto the floor. Brickston, feeling the effects of the taser shot, is unable to fight back, so he just covers his head in order to block the blows. COLE Another cowardly attack by The Lightning Crew! They know they can�t take Brickston on face-to-face, so they resort to these guerilla warfare tactics in order to gain the advantage! COACH Well, you can�t deny the result. For once, John Brickston is the one getting his ass kick by Tha Puerto Rican, and not the other way around. Tha Puerto Rican and Cuban Wall pick up Brickston. They throw him into a wall again and again, and then kick him. Cuban Wall avalanches Brickston. Cuban Wall chokes Brickston with his bare hands. PRL tells Vitamin X to grab something. Vitamin X responds with a fire extinguisher! Mr. Boricua, PRL, and Thomas Rodriguez hold Brickston up. Vitamin X slams the fire extinguisher across the face of �Rock Hard�. PRL holds Brickston�s right hand out�and Vitamin X slams the fire extinguisher onto it, causing Brickston to scream out loud. PRL holds out the right hand again, and once again X slams the fire extinguisher onto it. COLE Oh my God! Look at what The Lightning Crew is doing! COACH They�re targeting John Brickston�s right hand! They�re trying to break it! CABOOSE That�s the way to go, Lightning Crew! Wall holds Brickston, and PRL superkicks him. PRL says the attack is not done yet, so Cuban Wall picks up Brickston, grabs him by the throat�and gives him a chokeslam! COLE What a disgusting attack! Tha Puerto Rican is nothing but scum! He�s a slimeball! CABOOSE I�m sure PRL doesn�t care about anything you have to say about him. The Lightning Crew laugh evilly at what they have just done. They high-five each other, watching John Brickston lie on the floor in pain, holding his stomach and his right hand. PRL spits on Brickston. Suddenly, The All-American Boys run towards The LC and attack! COLE Hey! The All-American Boys have arrived! COACH They�re repaying John Brickston for saving them last week! The All-American Boys beat up Cuban Wall and Vitamin X. Suddenly, Thomas Rodriguez zaps All-American Boy II with the stun taser. He then zaps All-American Boy III with the stun taser. Mr. Boricua clotheslines AAB II. PRL signals for a chokeslam. Mr. Boricua picks up AAB II and gives him a chokeslam onto the cold, hard concrete. Vitamin X shoves AAB III onto Mr. Boricua, who grabs him and gives him a chokeslam onto the concrete also. COLE My God, will somebody please stop this carnage! COACH The Lightning Crew has absolutely DESTROYED The All-American Boys and John �Rock Hard� Brickston! CABOOSE HA! HA! I love it! This is great! PRL has done it again! You gotta love that man! Cuban Wall splashes John Brickston. He gets up, and splashes AAB II. He gets up again, and splashes AAB III. CABOOSE And now those three poor saps are now flatten like pancakes. Aww, this just keeps getting better and better. The Lightning Crew stands victorious over The All-American Boys and John �Rock Hard� Brickston. Brickston is coughing, and holding his right hand. Cuban Wall grabs the OAOAST Italian Championship belt and puts it in Brickston�s face. CUBAN WALL You�re not going to hold this belt for long! Cuban Wall drops the belt next to Brickston. �THE CORPORATE CHAMPION� THA PUERTO RICAN Well guys, I think our job is done. Good job, Lightning Crew! You�ll all get cookies. MR. BORICUA Yea! Cookies! VITAMIN X I think we better get out of here. PRL Good point, X. Let�s go. CUBAN WALL Brickston ain�t gonna be defending no Italian Title tonight. PRL And if we�re lucky, Brickston won�t be defending the Italian Title anymore. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The Lightning Crew leave the backstage area. John �Rock Hard� Brickston, All-American Boy II, and All-American Boy III lie on the ground, holding their stomachs. Brickston is holding his right hand, and screaming in pain. The crowd boos. COLE Look at the carnage left by The Lightning Crew. COACH They must REALLY hate John Brickston. CABOOSE Oh yeah. Now hopefully that ungrateful wanker will realize what he�s done, and apologize to The Lightning Crew. COLE What? I�m not going to even bother arguing that. Folks, we�ll return in a few moments with more HeldDOWN~!. Geez.