Hoff

"Quiet" hits, but the song title has nothing to do with the atmosphere in the arena, as the fans are collecting themselves and settling back into their seats for the HeldDOWN~! main event. COLE Welcome back fans, Michael Cole here alongside Caboose and The Coach ready to cap off another night of OAOAST action. Earlier in this broadcast the duo of Dan Black and Tony Brannigan were interrupted by the OAOAST Franchise, Zack Malibu, who approached them about remarks the two have made in recent months. Now tonight, four Originals do battle yet again, as Zack and longtime ally Some Guy take on perhaps the most dominant tag team we've ever seen! CABOOSE Cole, you know damn well I'm far from impartial when it comes to this situation, but I'll call a spade a spade. Tony and Dan are the most cohesive, most impressive unit to come through the tag ranks perhaps ever. It wasn't until they were on top that teams from around the globe started coming here for a shot at the gold, and you could go so far as to say they revitalized the division. Zack and Some Guy are my friends, I support them, but they are not at the level, team-wise, of Black T. "Quiet" has continued to play, and during the commentary both Black and Brannigan have made their way out, walking slowly down the aisle, paying no mind to the boos they recieve. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, is your HeldDOWN~! main event! Approaching the ring at this time, they are the team of "The Ice Heart" Dan Black and Tony "The Body" Brannigan...they are BLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Black and Brannigan step up on the apron, and Tony steps in and does a bit of crowd taunting, while Black stays on the apron and scowls at the crowd, then looks right into the camera and gives a scowl to the viewing audience before stepping into the ring. The duo converse as their song fades, only to have it replaced moment later. Cue: "Getting Away With Murder" The plucking of bass chords fills the arena, and the fans come to their feet as Zack Malibu and Some Guy emerge from the back, dressed for combat. The duo begin a powerwalk to the ring, but then change their minds and rush the ring, sending Black T backing out of a possible head-on attack! CABOOSE I can see that Zack and SG don't want to wait any longer! BUFFER Their opponents, currently in the ring. First, from Boston, MA, he is SOME GUY! His partner, known in many circles as the Franchise of the OAOAST, ZACK MALIBU! Buffer hastily finishes his intro and bails out of the ring, as Black T are back up on the apron and ready to battle. Referee Charles Robinson is here to call things down the middle tonight, but could have his hands full given the amount of hostility between these four men. Some Guy offers to kick it off for his team, which leaves Black, who agreed to start off for Black T, rather unhappy. Black points to Malibu and bitches him out, but all Zack does is offer a smirk to his foe and lean on the turnbuckles, waiting for the moment when Some Guy will need to make the tag. COLE This is somewhat of a rematch from Anglemania. All that's missing is CWM and you, Caboose. CABOOSE Missing? I'm calling the match. What's better than that? COACH Being covered in whipped cream while two midgets dan... CABOOSE That's not better, that's just disgusting. COACH I have a good excuse tonight. It's Cinco De Mayo, so I'm drunk. CABOOSE There's a difference between being cocked and acting like a co- COLE AHEM. MATCH. COMMENTATE. Amidst the banter, Some Guy and Black have locked up, with Black taking SG in a side headlock, only to be pushed towards the ropes and hiptossed on the rebound! Some Guy picks Black up and locks on a side headlock of his own, but Black uses a back suplex to get out of it...only Some Guy drops on his feet! He quickly grabs Black in a headlock again, but then finds himself sent into the ropes and taken down with a drop toehold. Black then slides over SG's back and applies a rear waistlock, pulling him up to his feet and holding him in the waistlock still. Some Guy tries to break his grip, but can't, so he fires back a pair of elbows and then runs the ropes...but when he hits the ropes Tony cracks him in the small of the back with a kick! Some Guy flinches, then turns to Tony and goes after him, but Tony jumps down off the apron out of range. Some Guy turns around, and Black fires off a kick to his stomach, but Some Guy catches it and spins Dan around, then rocks him with a clothesline! Some Guy waves Black on, urging him to get up, then goes for a dropkick, but Black sees it coming and swats it away! Dan then quickly drops to his knees and applies a front facelock on SG as he's getting up, brings him to his feet and snaps him over...NO! Some Guy floats over Dan's back and spins him around, taking him over with a fireman's carry! He stands above Dan, then spins around and gives Tony a receipt for earlier, knocking him off the apron with a right hand! He turns back to Dan, but Black quickly rolls out under the bottom rope, and the recently returned superstar has put Black T on the run in the early goings! CABOOSE Great work by SG, as it appears Black is a little too confident here tonight. Black gets up and pounds the apron, calmed only by Tony who rounds the corner so that Black T can regroup. Black looks frustrated, and Tony asks him not to lose his cool, then spins Dan around and points at something off camera...which winds up being Zack Malibu racing across the apron and leveling both Black T members with a double Apron Run Diving Clothesline! COLE Vintage Malibu! The old Diving Clothesline wipes out both Tony and Dan! Malibu throws his arms up, then helps Dan to his feet and rolls him back into the ring before being ordered to his corner by Robinson. Black comes to his feet in the ring and follows Malibu with his eyes, glaring at him, before being spun around by SG and scooped slammed to the canvas! Some Guy hits the ropes again, but again Tony becomes a factor, as he leans in and jerks SG backwards, slamming the back of his head on the canvas! Malibu comes in to counteract, but Robinson runs over to stop him, preventing him from seeing Tony pull Some Guy under the bottom rope and leave his head exposed on the outside, then hit a running elbow across his throat before rolling him into a Black pin! ONE! TWO! Some Guy kicks out, but Black stays in control, pulling him up and snapmaring him over, then following up with a running kick to his back. Some Guy is then led to his feet and brought to the Black T corner, where Black makes the tag while holding SG at bay. Tony steps in and together the duo hit a double team Russian legsweep on Some Guy, and when Tony comes to his feet, he immediately follows with a standing kneedrop, driving it into the forehead of Some Guy. COACH Ouch! The way he feels now is the way I'll feel in the mornin'! Tony brings Some Guy up and stuns him with a chop, and another, backing him into the ropes and then Irish whipping him across the ring. Tony makes the mistake of lowering his head for a backdrop, however, and Some Guy responds by kicking him back up to a vertical base, then striking him with some chops of his own, until the flurry is stopped by Tony driving a knee into Some Guy's ribcage! Tony then sends Some Guy to the corner, but when he runs in Some Guy throws a boot up, then props up on the second rope and dives off with a bodypress, putting Tony down on his back for a cover! ONE! TW-KICKOUT! Tony pushes Some Guy off, but Some Guy gets ahold of him first, taking him by the arm and sending him into the corner where Zack Malibu stands! Tony collides with the turnbuckles, and Some Guy runs for the corner, leaping up and monkey flipping Tony out of the corner and back onto his back! Robinson also takes note that Malibu tagged in, and Zack climbs up onto the turnbuckles and leaps off when Tony has his back turned, planting both feet into his back with a missle dropkick and sending Tony stumbling through the middle ropes and out to the ringside floor! COLE Malibu is in, and the former World Champion sends the man who recently vied for that crown to the floor! Once again, Black T is regrouping on the floor, angered that a makeshift duo is getting the better of them. As they converse, a noticeable stir comes from the crowd behind them, and it's not until it's too late that we see Black T are being jumped from behind! COLE What the hell? CABOOSE Wait, that's Static, and... COACH The GPX! GPX ARE BACK! Once the crowd notices what's going on, it roars in approval, as Scotty Static and Johnny Jackson have returned, and have attacked their old rivals! COLE It's the rivalry that'll never die! The ultimate tag feud in the OAOAST still rages on, as the Global Party Exchange have come back after Black T! Malibu and Some Guy stand in the ring, as Charles Robinson runs to ringside to get control...only to be tossed over the guardrail and into the front row by Scotty Static. The duo keep beating, pounding on Black T, and the cameras catch a glimpse of Tony's forehead, now bleeding. COLE What the...hey, Jackson has a chain wrapped around his fist! CABOOSE It looks like Scotty does too, Cole. What the hell are they doing? Malibu and Some Guy come to the floor and pair off, each one pulling a GPX member off of a Black T member. Malibu asks Jackson what the hell he's doing, and Jackson responds by blasting him in the forehead with his chain wrapped fist! COLE WHAT THE HELL!?!? JOHNNY JACKSON JUST NAILED ZACK MALIBU! Jackson pounds on Zack's forehead now, busting him open as well, then unravels the chain and wraps it around the prep's neck, choking him with it! Some Guy tries to come to Zack's aid, but he's tackled from behind by Static, who then takes Michael Buffer's chair and starts pounding on Some Guy with it repeatedly! Dan Black starts to come to his feet, but Static sees him and turns around, blasting him across the head with the steel chair and knocking him senseless! COACH I don't get it...what is with the GPX tonight? Jackson stops choking Malibu and stomps on him, then he and Static take Tony and roll him into the ring. Tony, groggy and bloody, walks on all fours, but is then pulled up by Static, who brings him into a standing headscissors, then powerbombs him. He follows up by rolling him into a Boston Crab, and Jackson stands on the other side of Tony, hooking his arms and bringing him up before driving his face down into the canvas to complete the Chain Letter! COLE This is carnage the likes of which we've never seen from Static and Jackson! Jackson then kicks Tony's body, rolling it out of the ring and letting it land with a thud on the floor. Suddenly, Zack is in the ring, spinning Static around and nailing him! Then Jackson! Then Static again! Then Jackson again! Malibu tries to take on both GPX members, until he's clobbered from behind by Jackson, and hooked by the youngster before being pulled up onto his shoulder, pumphandle style...and DROPPED with the Beat Drop! CABOOSE This is...what is this all about!? COLE I have a feeling we're about to find out. Cole is referring to Scotty Static, running his hands through his hair, taking the mic from Michael Buffer. Tony, Black and Some Guy are all laid out on the floor, as is Malibu in the ring. STATIC Judging from the reaction we're getting, I'd say you're not too happy with what we've done here tonight, right? The crowd responds with more boos. STATIC Well you know what, this isn't about what's going to make you happy. This is about what's going to make US happy, right Johnny Jam? Static tosses the mic to Jackson, who is laughing. JACKSON For as long as we've been here, and even longer than that, this company has always...ALWAYS...put the focus on the same damn people. No matter how hard someone tries to break through, it's always about that little clique...that core of people who will always be here not because they're loyal, but because they can't cut it anywhere else. For over a year now, my partner and I had wars across this federation, with every major name in the tag ranks, and what did it get us? It got us nowhere. Being crowd favorites, trying to appeal to you people, got us NOWHERE, and it's all because of the Glass Ceiling. No matter how hard we try, no matter how much you love us, the GPX would have been relegated to micard matches because those in the "upper tier" can't step aside. What we did tonight was take four guys who continue to live in the past and we sent them a message. The future of wrestling, not just tag team wrestling, but wrestling across the world, lies in the new blood...in the youth. Call it an uprising, call it a revolution, call it what you will, but what Scotty Static and I call it is the truth! Jackson hands the mic back to Static, who seems pleased with what his partner said. STATIC Don't think this was an irrational act people, because we've had week...months to think long and hard about this. These guys here, they talk about what's good for the company...what we just did was the best thing anyone could have ever done for the OAOAST. We just proved in mere minutes that the guys on top don't belong there. They're holding on, clinging for dear life to their precious spots, not realizing that it's true what they say...it all catches up to you in the end. Black T, Zack Malibu, Some Guy...your pasts have caught up with you, thanks to the future of wrestling. You're looking at the true superstars of the OAOAST, the best damned tag team in the world, and the only two people who had the balls to tell the world how it needs to be. Scotty Static and Johnny Jackson will not be played for fools anymore. It's time we got the recognition we deserve, and instead of talking about it, we did it the old fashioned way...we just earned it. With that, Static throws the mic over his shoulder and lets it bounce off the canvas. He and Jackson step out of the ring and back up the aisle, looking at the fallen, bruised bodies they've left laying. EMT's rush down by them to go check on Black, Tony, Zack and Some Guy, while the GPX snicker, proud of their latest, albeit shocking accomplishment. FADE OUT.

The scene opens on Josie Baker in her office, reading through some paperwork. A knock is heard at the door. JOSIE Enter. The door opens, revealing a man in a three-piece suit. The man looks to be a shade under six feet, with curly, blonde hair. The man enters the office, smiling. UNKNOWN MAN OF MYSTERY OMG WHATTA STUD Hello, Ms. Baker, my name is-- JOSIE Wait...I know you. The man's smile fades instantly. MAN No, I mean, you may have seen me, but I don't think you KNOW me... JOSIE No...no, I so do. Hang on, let me think about it. MAN Maybe...maybe you've seen my indy work? JOSIE No, that's not it...I think it was in the ring, though. You looked different... MAN Okay, no, I wasn't who you're thinking. I mean I get that a lot, but, it wasn't me. JOSIE Who wasn't? I can't remember. MAN Oh. Well, um....then I have no idea. JOSIE Huh? Now you're confusing m-- WAIT. I got it! You were-- MAN NO!!!!!!!! JOSIE YOU WERE CRAZY VAMPIRE!!!!! The live crowd takes a collective breath in shock. The man hangs his head. MAN ....no.... Josie beams, delighted that she remembered. JOSIE Oh, you SO were. You had long hair and fangs, FANGS, and you were ridiculous! Oh, man...that was awesome. The man doesn't even look up. MAN Anyway, Ms. Baker... JOSIE Crazy Vampire. What a lame ass character. You poor guy. NOW the man's head shoots up, angry. MAN My name is-- JOSIE No, it's Crazy Vampire, I got it. MAN My NAME is Jay-- JOSIE Crazy Vampire. MAN MY NAME IS JAY-- JOSIE (giggling) Crazy Vampire! The man takes a deep breath. MAN My name is Jay Richards, and I'm here to join your program. Josie raises her eyebrows. JOSIE Really. Josie folds her hands and leans her elbows on her desk, then rests her chin on her hands. JOSIE You know, I've seen the footage you had delivered to me. You're good...not great, but good. And, maybe one day, you'll be a star like Ragdoll or K-Money. But I don't think it's the right time for you. JAY RICHARDS What?! What do you mean, "not the right time?" JOSIE Listen. You're young, you've got a bright career ahead of you. But I'm not sure this is the place for you. Not to mention the company you used to keep... Jay looks horrorstruck. JAY I'll have you know that-- JOSIE Save it. Jay Richards, you crazy vampire you...sorry, but it's not your time. Jay looks hurt, and upset, and angry. He stands up, trying to look dignified. JAY Very well, then. Have a good day. Jay Richards, contractless, turns and exits the office. As he does, Josie chuckles. JOSIE Crazy Vampire....jeez. We come back to a shot of the ring, where four podiums are set up along the side farthest from the ramp. COLE Fans, we are-- "The Clincher" hits, sending the fans WILD as Hoff steps onto the stage!! CABOOSE Man, it's been awhile since his music did that to you. I miss it! COLE Son of a.... Hoff, wearing his million-selling T-shirt and jeans, appears in great spirits as he walks down the aisle, smiling and slapping hands with fans. COACH Well last week we saw Gunner accept Hoff's challenge to a match at School's Out later this month! COLE Hoff feels that Gunner Sharps is responsible for Crystal beatng him to become the #1 contender to the OAOAST Title. And I gotta agree! CABOOSE Cole, please. The only person he has to blame is himself. He wants to take it out on Gunner? Well, Gunner will kick his happy ass at School's Out. Hoff slides into the ring, climbs the ropes, and throws his fist into the air, smiling as he closes his eyes and basks in the cheers. Flashbulbs light up the arena. COLE I wouldn't be so sure, 'Booze! Last time they were in the ring, Gunner tapped out to Hoff's Anklelock! CABOOSE Bah. Gunner has beaten Hoff before and he'll do it again. Hoff climbs down from the turnbuckles and grabs a microphone from ringside, looking out over the crowd. COACH Man, what's with those podiums? COLE I don't know. HOFF Welcome...to the future. "YAY!!!!" HOFF Now, I have always been a leader in this company, and I have always pledged to bring to you people not only the finest in entertainment, but the fairest as well. Even when my opponents are hopelessly outmatched -- and that happens a lot -- but even then, I look for the good in them. Well tonight, I'm going to do something no one ever thought possible. Ladies and gentlemen, I am going to find the good inside of Gunner Sharps. "BOOOOOOOOOOO" HOFF No, I know, I know, I can barely believe it either. But that's what I intend to do, and I am gonna DO IT! BUT...there's a catch. COACH A catch? CABOOSE You're a catcher... COLE BURN! CABOOSE You're the pitcher. COLE Aw! HOFF You see, something like this, well...I could never do it alone. And that's why I bring to you...my INTERNATIONAL AMNESTY JUDICIARY PANEL!!!! The fans go NUT as Hoff grins a big, wide smile. CABOOSE What. COLE Oh, my! Hoff's famous International Amnesty Exhibition is back! COACH I love these! CABOOSE *groan* HOFF So, without further ado, here are your panelists! "Livin' La Vida Loca" plays, and out comes... RICKY MARTIN!!! COLE AND COACH HAWT!!! CABOOSE SO gay... Amidst some shreiking females, Ricky Martin makes his way to the ring. He shakes hands with Hoff, then takes his place behind podium #1. HOFF Our next panelist, from the Hippo Islands..... KING HIPPO!!!! King Hippo's crappy 8-bit music plays as he waddles to ringside. COACH Where are the Hippo Islands, anyway? CABOOSE Somewhere near Uranus. COACH Where's my anus? CABOOSE I-- uh-- DAMN YOU, COACHMAN! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING GOOD! Hippo struggles into the ring, then knocks gloves with Hoff, who...isn't wearing gloves. Hippo takes his place next to Ricky Martin, who edges away. HOFF And of course...my good friend.... IGOR STOYANOVICH!!!!!!!!!!!! The SOVIET FUCKING ANTHEM plays and this crowd, I mean, they good and POP for the retarded Russian kid. Igor looks thunderstruck as he steps onto the stage, then throws his spindly arms into the air and runs down the ramp. Igor slides in, and Hoff throws up a hand. Igor LEAPS and high-fives the big man, then hugs him. Hoff gently pulls Igor off of himself, then sends the little guy over to podium #3 as the anthem dies down. HOFF So without further ado... BOOM~! I'd eat you ALIVE!!!! The crowd goes CRAZY as the festivities are stopped by the OAOAST World Champion, AXEL!! Axel steps onto the stage, looking over the fans and-- BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! Axel drops the crucifix pose on us, sending the already hot crowd into a fervor. The champ walks down the ramp and into the ring, locking eyes with Hoff. Hoff looks unsure as Axel grabs the microphone. AXEL Hoff...you bloody bastard. I can't believe you did this... ...and didn't let me in on the fun. Hoff smiles as the champ laughs. HOFF Well, I mean, there is an extra podium open...I was gonna use it for myself, but I think I could let the World Champ slide in! Whad'ya think, people? Hoff holds the mic to the crowd, who SCREAM, cheering for the Champ to be let in. HOFF Well I guess that settles it. Axel, COME ON DOWN!! Axel laughs, slapping Hoff on the shoulder as he steps behind the last podium. Next to him, Igor gazes up in revered awe. HOFF And ON WITH THE SHOW!! The AngleTron lights up, showing an image of Gunner Sharps. Gunner's face causes the fans to boo, or maybe vomit. HOFF Now, fist up, we're going to look at Gunner Sharps' moves. Because the most important thing for any wrestler is in-ring skill. Let's take a look at Gunner Sharps' fabled spear, the Sharp End. The AngleTron plays a clip of Gunner crouched, then charging at someone...but the oponent sidesteps and Gunner hits the ringpost! *CLANG* HOFF Ooh, that's gotta hurt. Man...well, I guess they can't all be winners. The judges are all laughing. Igor is about to fall over from laughing so hard. King Hippo is also eating. HOFF Okay, judges, what say ye? The judges all hold up scorecards.' HOFF Ricky? The latin singer shakes his head, revealing a zero. The fans cheer. HOFFF Nice, very nice. King Hippo? Hippo puts down a turkey leg to reveal his score...another zero. More cheers. HOFF Harsh! Well, Igor, what do you say! Igor holds up his card, upon which he has drawn Hoff's H logo. HOFF That's...that's awesome. Igor, man, I love you. Igor smiles and the fans actually ghant "IG-OR" for a moment. HOFF (laughing) Oh..okay. Axel? Axel, shaking his head, holds up his card. It reads "GUNNER SUCKS." HOFF YEAH~! The fans are cheering like mad as Axel smiles, pointing to his sign. HOFF Okay okay okay. NOW. On to our next review...the All Guns Blazing, Gunner's trademark powerbomb. Let's see it... The clip is actually Gunner with Hoff on his back. Gunner runs forward...but Hoff slides off his back! Gunner turns around...INTO A ROCK BOTTOM!! The fans go NUT! HOFF Wow, damn. That was a good clip. Okay, judges. Ricky? Ricky holds up a "-1". RICKY MARTIN That was NOT la vida loca! It was la vida malo! HOFF Wow, dissed in Spanish. Nicely done, Ricky. King Hippo? Hippo eats a bag of M&Ms...I mean even the bag. Then his pants fall down and you can see the band-aid...you know, by his belly-button. Igor punches it and Hippo falls over. Suddenly Mario hops into the ring and counts to ten. Then Charles Robinson runs out and screams "GIMME BACK MY SHIRT PLUMBER!!" They run around and are eventually led away by CARL FRIGGIN' WINSLOW. It was awesome. Having been hit in the bandaid, Hippo is rendered unable to move or speak. HOFF Um. Well. Igor? Igor holds up his card, on which he has drawn a smiley face, but with a red X through it. RANDOM INTERNET GEEK OMG RED X LOL2005~! HOFF Well played, my friend. Well played. Now...Axel. Let's hear it. Axel holds up his sign, and it reads... "HOFF'S T-SHIRT IS STILL AVAILABLE AT OAOASTSHOPZONE.COM. OH, AND GUNNER IS HORRIBLE." COLE How did he get that all on one sign? The fans cheer. HOFF Wow. Amazing. Now, let's-- CUE: "Sick" by Dope. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Hoff, Axel, and Igor frown as Gunner Sharps, the man of the hour, steps onto the stage with a mic. Ricky Martin...well, he doesn't really care one way or the other. He got his paycheck already. GUNNER I suppose you think you're funny? The fans boo, but Hoff is quick with the comeback: HOFF Don't worry, Gunner, I don't expect you to get the joke. The fans laugh as Hoff starts loping around like a caveman. Gunner is PISSED. Igor, being mildly retarded, starts doing it TOO, and Axel beings laughing like a madman. GUNNER KNOCK IT OFF!! Hoff stops, lookng up. Igor, though, keeps going. Axel stops him. GUNNER Listen, Hoff. You talk about wanting to fight so bad? Well why don't you cut the cute stuff and we'll have us a fight. Next week, right here on HeldDOWN. (crowd pops~) HOFF No problem, Gunner. You and me-- GUNNER Not so fast. Hoff stops, eyeing Gunner curiously. GUNNER How about a tag team match. Me and Crystal against-- HOFF Against me and Axel? Me and the CHAMP?! Buster, you are ON! The crowd goes NUT, and Axel steps forward, nodding and apparently liking this idea. GUNNER No.... All eyes are on Gunner, wondering what's going on. COACH What is going on? Gunner smiles a smart smile as he says... GUNNER Me and Crystal...against you.......and IGOR STOYANOVICH. The crowd pops, stunned by the challenge! Hoff's eyes go wide...but the big man composes himself and shakes his head. HOFF No way, Gunner. I'll fight you both, whatever, but not Igor. He's-- IGOR I ACCEPT!!!! The fans go BALLISTIC as Hoff, slowly, turns to look at Igor with his mouth open. IGOR ME AND THE FUTURE KICK YOUR ASES SOVIET-STYLE!! BRING IT, BABY!!!! The fans are hanging off of every broken English word. HOFF Igor, no...you don't know what you're getting into. Igor looks at Hoff, steadfast. IGOR You said yourself that Gunner SUCKS A LOT!!!!!! HOFF True.... IGOR And earlier you told me that Crystal was a skank ho!! Hoff laughs, despite himself. HOFF I DID say that... IGOR SO LET'S DO IT ALREADY!!! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" HOFF All right.....if you're SURE..... IGOR DA! DA! DA! DA! DA! Hoff shakes his head, then turns to face Gunner. HOFF All right, big guly...you're on. The fans EXPLODE as "The Clincher" hits, and Gunner smiles as he saunters back behind the apron. Igor pumps his fists, but Hoff looks at him sideways, tenatively. COLE WHAT AN ANNOUNCEMENT! Hoff and...and IGOR STOYANOVICH against Gunner Sharps and Crystal! Wow! COACH You think that match is big? Our next match is OFF THE SHIZZLE GAZIZZLE DAYUM~! COLE Main event time, NEXT!

We cut to the back and a door marked “Trainer’s Roomâ€. The door swings open and Peter Knight steps out with an ice pack tied to the arm that was injured last week against Alfdogg. He flexes it a bit as he walks down the hall but suddenly stops in his tracks. The camera pans over to reveal Brock Ausstin and Rick Heyross blocking his path. Rick goes to speak, but Brock once again puts his hand up. RICK (muttering) Why the hell am I even around anymore? BROCK How’s the arm? KNIGHT Bad enough that they won’t let me get a rematch with that punk, or wrestle at all for that matter. Why do you care? BROCK Hey hey, I don’t want to start anything here. I just wanted to tell you that when you made me submit at Living Angelously, you got my respect. It takes a smart guy to figure out how, and you did it. He extends his hand. BROCK You’re alright Knight; hope that arm heals up soon, because I’d love another crack at it. But this time, I’ll be ready. You can count on that. Knight skeptically looks at Brock and then Rick, who also seems to be surprised at Brock’s words, but nods and accepts the handshake before walking off. Rick watches him leave before turning back to Brock. RICK What the hell was that about? BROCK Just giving a guy his due. I’ll get my chance. (A smirk comes across his face) I’ve made sure of it. *cut to the ring~!* *Chase hits the sound system and the house lights dim. Some light from high in the rafters shines a blue X down near the entrance way and Sarcastic Simon comes out with his half of the tag title on his waist and Jim Cornette in tow as the fans jeer.* Cole: Here’s half of the new OAOAST Tag Title holders making his way down. Seems Jim Cornette wasn’t reluctant at all in offering the service of Sarcastic Simon tonight either. Caboose: That’s “Mr. Cornette†to you Cole. I think Jim knows that The Dude has been in some matches with hellish conditions the past two months and because of his generous nature he wanted to give him a breather. Cole: Why don’t you have to call him “Mr. Cornetteâ€? Caboose: Its simple, I don’t suck, that’s why. *Simon and Cornette make their way into the ring and Cornette grabs the mic from Buffer to introduce his client to the crowd. The music dies down and the house lights return to normal as Simon kisses his title and hands it over to Cornette. Just then Satellite rocks the arena and the fans get to their feet and go nuts.* Coach: Wow. Just one week removed from his full time return and these fans are already going nuts for James Allen! Caboose: Typical programmed sheep. Simon will silence them all though and send Allen back to the big screen full time though. *A golden fountain of pyro erupts in front of the entranceway leaving a cloud of smoke. As the smoke settles The Superstar is standing there in a pose as if he were firing a machine gun. The fans go wild as Simon points out to him in confusion and Cornette tells him to “Just ignore itâ€.* Cole: I already have my tickets for House of Fire! Caboose: Lemme see those…those aren’t for House of Fire…these say “Admit One; Men in Black Men starring Tommy Lee Bones and Will Jizzâ€?! *Thankfully we’re saved from Michael Cole’s explenation on this one by Buffer introducing James Allen as he has now entered the ring. Buffer leaves, Cornette gives a couple words of wisdom before making his way out, and Nick Patrick motions for the bell. The two competitors circle one another to begin things. After a few seconds of sizing one another up they both enter into a collar and elbow tie-up.* Cole: Side-headlock applied by Simon, and Allen pushes him off into the ropes. Shoulder block take down by Simon! *Allen slowly gets up and stares down Simon who’s runs his hands back through his own hair and grinning. Allen gets to his feet and both men circle the other before once again getting into a tie-up.* Cole: Simon applies the Side-headlock once more and Allen again pushes him off into the ropes… *This time however Simon is greeted by a beautiful standing dropkick to the face by The Superstar. Simon gets up and runs towards Allen only to get arm dragged to the mat. Simon gets up and runs for Allen once more only to be met with the same result. From there Simon rolls out of the ring and over to Cornette.* Cole: Fast paced action here between The Superstar and Sarcastic Simon…hey, where’s Coach? Caboose: He ran to the bathroom covering his mouth after that ticket fiasco *Simon rolls back into the ring and Cornette cheers him on as the two competitors once again lock-up. This time however Simon breaks the lock-up and rakes Allen’s eyes causing Nick Patrick to issue a warning. Simon shrugs it off though and grabs Allen around the neck and by the tights before snap suplexing him. Allen grabs his back as Simon brings him back to his feet. From there Simon pushes Allen into the ropes sternum first and as Allen bounces back he’s greeted with forarm shots to the small of the back.* Cole: Simon is slowing things down here. Caboose: As he should. There’s no way he can keep up with The Superstar’s speed so he’s outthinking him and of course, out wrestling him. *After the third shot to the kidneys Allen falls to his knees. Simon takes a couple steps back and then charges forward with a soccer kick to the small of the back. The fans groan in unison and Allen falls to the mat. Simon goes for the early pin.* 1 kickout *Simon visibly upset to not even get a two count gets to his feet and starts laying in a barrage of boots to Allen. After awhile Patrick breaks it up and pushes Simon to the opposite side while Allen struggles towards the ropes.* Cole: I’m starting to think that Allen may have bit off a little more than he can chew right here and…hey! Come on ref! Turn around! *Nick Patrick is still busy warning Simon that this is a wrestling match and not a Happy Time Kick Parade giving Cornette the chance to yank down on The Superstar’s head and choke him with the middle rope. Cornette lets go after a few seconds and Allen drops backwards grabbing at his throat. Patrick turns around and sees this then walks over to Cornette and questions him as Simon once again brings Allen to his feet. Simon scoops Allen up and drops him over his knee for a Pendulum-Backbreaker. Supes falls to the mat once more and Simon applies a chinlock on him.* Cole: Between the numbers game and The Superstar’s long absense the odds are stacked against him. Caboose: He’s in the ring with one half of the greatest tag team in The OAOAST today. You sound as if you expected him to actually win this. *The fans start stomping their feet on the floor and chanting “Allen†to try and bring some life to The Superstar. Allen however looks out of it and the ref gives up on asking if he quits and decides to check the arm. Patrick lifts the arm up once and it drops limp. The fans get louder as Patrick lifts The Superstar’s arm a second time. He lets go and the arm once again drops. Simon lets a cocky grin cover his face and Nick Patrick raises the arm for a third time. He lets go and the arm drops halfway before Allen clenches a fist and raises the arm back in the air to the delight of the screaming crowd.* Caboose: How did he find the strength there?! Cole: He’s taking the strength of all the fans to get through this…well that and the fact that there’s a law where nobody loses to a chinlock. *Allen starts to bring himself and Simon to their feet and Simon tries to lock the hold on tighter. However Allen is able to turn and starts laying elbows into Simon’s mid-section. Three elbows in and Simon releases the hold from pain. Allen runs into the ropes, bounces off and charges at Simon nailing him with a running lariat. Simon falls to the mat and The Superstar starts to do that weird run in place thing that Mart Jannety does before he going into the pose from earlier where it appears he’s firing a machine-gun. Cornette gets up on the apron and Allen spots him from the corner of his eye. He runs over to Cornette and grabs him by the tie with his left hand and raises his right fist in the air.* Caboose: You can’t touch Jim Cornette! Cole: Level him Supes! *Caboose smacks Cole upside the head over that statement and as Supes readies to LAY DOWN THE HAMMER~ he sees Simon running at him. Supes lets go of Cornette and moves at the last second causing Simon to run into his own manager! Cornette drops to the floor and Simon stands there with his hands on his head in shock. Simon tries calling out to Cornette to see if he’s ok but in the middle of it he gets rolled up by The Superstar!* 1 2 KICKOUT! *Narcissistic Ned runs down the aisle and over to Cornette to check on him. Simon and The Superstar both get to their feet and Allen quickly rolls up Simon again in a small package* 1 2 KICKOUT *Ned hops up on the apron and acts as if he’s getting into the ring to strike down Allen for what happened to Cornetter, thus drawing Nick Patrick over. As Patrick deals with Neddy Bear the two competitors once again get to their feet. Simon groggy from all that’s gone on turns around and gets picked up into a pile-driver position. The Superstar adjusts his hands and from there…* Cole: Star Power! He just nailed Simon with the Star Power! *Allen rolls over for the pin and waits but Nick Patrick is still busy trying to keep Ned out of the ring. The fans start the count for him and get to three but it doesn’t matter because not a one of them is a licensed OAOAST official! Allen looks up and is obviously irate over this. The crowd looks to the entrance way and start to scream from surprise and jeer.* Cole: It’s the 70s Dude! Caboose: He’s obviously coming to check on Jim Cornette’s condition as well. *The 70s Dude slides into the ring unnoticed by both Allen and the official. The Dude stands there stalking over Allen who gets up to go for the official, but as he does so and turns every so slightly he gets a vicious shot to the face by a 10lb gold belt.* Cole: Damnit! He hit him with the X-Title! Caboose: Good. He deserves it after what happened to James E.! *The 70s Dude pulls Simon over Allen’s now motionless body and leaves the ring. As he does this Ned jumps off the apron and points over towards Simon covering The Superstar. Patrick sees it and runs over to make the count.* 1 Cole: It can’t end this way! 2 Caboose: It can and it will KICKOUT!!!!! *The 70s Dude starts jumping about on the outside in a mini-tantrum kind of way and Ned once again jumps up on the apron.* Cole: Its not over yet Caboose! Caboose: Its only a matter of time. He can’t last long with these numbers. *The 70s Dude gets ready to enter the ring again and the fans explode into a frenzy as The Sk8ter Boiz run down to ringside with steel chairs in hand! Before The 70s Dude can enter the ring he gets walloped in the back with a chair shot from Melvin.* Cole: The Sk8ter Boiz are looking for payback from last week! Caboose: Why The 70s Dude though? He hasn’t done a thing to him! *Melvin runs around the ring and goes straight for Ned with the chair. Ned falls off the apron and picks up Cornette’s racket and swings at Melvin. Melvin blocks with the chair though and the vibration causes Ned to drop the racket in pain. He turns in gets a hard chair shot to the forhead! Nick Patrick exits the ring now to try and break this up. As he does so The Marv enters the ring and stands over Simon who’s slowly rising to his feet. As Simon gets all the way up he turns and gets a chair shot right to the forhead! Simon seems out on his feet and staggers around. Marvin tosses the chair out of the ring and as Simon staggers towards him…* Cole: Afterschool Special! He just hit Simon with the Afterschool Special! *Simon just lays there and stares up at the pretty flashing lights in the rafters. Marvin drags Allen over Simon’s strewn body and then slides out of the ring to fight off The 70s Dude who was once again trying to reenter. Nick Patrick turns to see what’s going on in the ring and catches Allen laying on top of Simon and runs in to make the count. All the fans count along as Patrick’s hand hits the mat.* 1!!!!! 2!!!! 3!!!!!! *ding ding ding* *Marvin and Melvin back away from their fights and slide into the ring. They help Allen to his feet and raise his arm in victory to the delight of the fans. As they do that the Coach finally makes his way back to Sofa Central but he still has a bit of a sour stomach and won’t be talking for the duration of this segment.* Caboose: No! God…I…Uh…argh Cole: Allen earned himself a spot at the X-Title! *The shaken Ned helps Cornette to his feet as Simon is dragged from the ring by The 70s Dude. Satellite hits and rubs the loss into the faces of Cornette, The 70s Dude, and the NNMX even harder. All four men join one another on the ramp way and stare out at the ring while backing up it. Allen points at The 70s Dude while the Sk8ter Boiz play it up for the fans.* Cole: What a match! And we've got more to come!

*Cameras take us to a locker room in the back where Sarcastic Simon is polishing his new tag title (which still smells like a mixture of glue and motor oil), while Jim Cornette and Narcissistic Ned watch footage from last week of the Sk8ter Boiz being taken out and left in a bloody heap. The sound of the locker room door opening off-screen can be heard and the fans boo even louder than they were at the start of the segment as a man walks in and interrupts the trio.* The 70s Dude: Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy! Sorry The Dude couldn’t be there last week to celebrate with you and the OAOAST’s hottest tag team, but I stayed back in L.A. to party it up with the ladies. *The 70s Dude puts the X-Title over his shoulder which it appears to have been altered to fit The Dude’s specific tastes by having the leather tie-dyed.* Cornette: Not a problem as we held off the celebrating till this week since we had some “business†to take care of last week anyways. Ned: Just like The Sk8ter Boiz' career in the ring, their career in film got the thumbs down! *The three men look at the TV and smile until another man walks into the room and the fans start to cheer. The three men turn their attention to who entered the room as Simon continues working on that title.* The Superstar: So you’re the guy with the X-Title now huh? Seems like the only X you should be sporting would be in an XXL sized T-shirt. *The fans laugh and cheer more while The Dude’s lip curls in anger. Simon takes a break from working on the title to see what’s up* Supes: Anyways, as you should all know by now I star in the upcoming film House of Fire and my agent thought it would be a good idea to grab the X-Title for the red carpet ceremonies coming up this summer. So if you’ll just give me a title match… *Just as The 70s Dude is about to respond Cornette steps in* Cornette: You haven’t been around lately kiddo so lemme fill you in. This isn’t Angle-Plex you’re talking to. This is the hottest rookie to ever step foot in an OAOAST ring. I know the New New Midnight Express didn’t have anything planned before, so if The 70s Dude agrees then I say tonight its you, James Allen, against one half of the tag champions; Sarcastic Simon! If you can get by Simon then you can have your title shot. *The Dude thinks it over while Simon stands in the background, jaw-dropped, and wondering why the hell he was brought into it.* 70s Dude: You know Jimmy, that’s groovy with me. *James Allen nods, then leaves the locker room to prepare for his match later while Simon still stands in the back speechless over what happened. All the while Ned, Jim, and The Dude seem confident in what’s to come later on.* The cameras cut to Sofa Central, where Mikey Cole drops the science on us. COLE Right now, as promised, we're going to bring you an update on the condition of former X-Division Champion Leon Rodez. So, we go live to Detroit and join Leon Rodez via satellite. Leon? Right on cue, Leon Rodez appears on AngleTron...and on split screen for everyone watching at home. Sitting in a pretty everyday setting, Rodez manages a smile and a nod as he hears Cole's voice. COLE Leon...it's good to see you. First things first, what is the situation with you exactly? RODEZ Well I'm home recovering, which I wanna thank Josie for. Keep the paychecks coming baby. I had to have my head stapled up after Living Anglelously obviously, so obviously that's keeping me out of action. I've got...a semi-serious concussion from the piledriver Dude gave me. The feeling in my right arm only came fully back a few days ago and I'm still getting dizzy spells. So obviously, stepping into a wrestling ring wouldn't be smart right now. So I'm here at home relaxing, watching the show, doing whatever I can to keep occupied. Which reminds me...if any of you've got cheats for San Andreas, mail me. COLE Well...uh...you seem in pretty good spirits, despite all this Leon. RODEZ Yeah, well, I'm not the kinda guy to get down about things. COLE Granted. But, surely you have to be mad about what happened. To be screwed out of the X-Division Championship the way you were. To be victimised by this Christian Wright character... RODEZ Yeah, obviously I'm not thrilled about it. CABOOSE Leon, Caboose here...did you see what Christian Wright actually said last week and if so, have you got any thoughts? Rodez smiles a little, adjusting in his seat a little. RODEZ Well, it's pretty obvious to anyone who saw what he said that this guy is not what he says he is. He can talk all he wants about morals and doing what's right...but sneak attacking someone and breaking a lava lamp over another man's skull is not only obscure, but wrong. No matter how you justify it. Sure, I did some stuff to The 70s Dude at Living Anglelously in our match that could be considered wrong. Then again...I don't claim to be whiter than white like Christian Wright. But what I did...it was all in the realms of a match. Me and Dude...we knew what was coming, we agreed to it. Just like the stuff I did in my films. I ain't some kinky Japanese guy doing mock rape flicks. That stuff isn't my fortay. Again, Rodez smiles wryly as he pauses for breath. RODEZ It really doesn't surprise me though. See these bleeding heart liberals do tend to be hypocrites with no grip on reality. You know guys, I've had to deal with plenty of people like Christian Wright in my life. Christian activists. Cops. Judges. Parole officers. But until now, I've never been able to do a lot about it except say my piece and hope some of them arrive in the land of reality sometime soon. This Christian Wright guy...he's a wrestler, right? COLE Yes, he is. RODEZ Then that's all cool with me. If he's got a problem with what I do or who I am, then we can settle it in the ring. That way, I can expect what's coming from him...and I can deal with it. Getting a little more serious, Rodez leans out of his seat a little into the camera. RODEZ And believe me...when I return...I intend...to deal with it. COLE And when exactly will that be, Leon? RODEZ Well Mikey, if you happen to see Christian again...make sure he knows that I'm returning when I'm good and ready. It could be next week. It could be next month. In all likelihood, it could be when a certain Mr Wright doesn't expect it. But, right now...I'm pretty happy where I am. Actually... With a smile, Rodez glances off camera and licks his lips. RODEZ ...you know what, I'm REAL happy where I am right now. C'mon in girls... The smile continues to beam away on Rodez's face as from either side of the camera shot, two blondes in skimpy nurse uniforms walk over and stand either side of Rodez. RODEZ Guys, it's been great talkin' to you again. But I've really got to go, because I'm in desperate need... Rodez eyes up the girl on his right. RODEZ ...of a spongebath. Holla! The feed abruptly ends and we return to a full shot of Triple C, looking a little stunned. COLE Well...I guess Christian Wright has done nothing to change Leon Rodez's attitude. CABOOSE Yet. Suddenly, we cut backstage, where Christian Wright has obviously been watching this backstage on a monitor. Angrily he turns the monitor off, the crowd seeing him now on the AngleTron and booing loudly. Wright turns away from the monitor to his bodyguard Bohemoth, who stands with an almost apologetic look on his face, although he still looks calmer than his buddy. WRIGHT Unbelievable. Even after what we've done, he still doesn't seem to want to change his ways. I'll tell you one thing, getting clean is the LAST thing on his mind, spongebath or not! No...it looks like this kid's going to be a tough one to get through to. BOHEMOTH So, what do you suggest we do now? WRIGHT For starters, be on our guard. It's obvious from what he said that he's not above some sort of sneak attack on us. I want you on high alert. While he's out of the way though, we have to take the chance to get our message out to the people. To show everyone what we are truly about. BOHEMOTH And how do we do that? These people love the kid. WRIGHT ...I haven't thought that far yet. BOHEMOTH Well, don't you think it's time you did? WRIGHT Don't worry, I'll think of something. Besides, they all come round in the end. Every single one of them. Soon enough, they'll understand that what we are doing regarding Leon Rodez...we're doing...for their own good. And then, we can truly start cleaning up. With a shrug of the shoulder, Bohemoth doesn't seem so sure. But Wright ignores his buddy's lack of support and nods away while looking off into the distance. COLE That guy is a madman! Folks, it's Sarcastic Simon vs. "The Superstar" James Allen, NEXT!

COLE Well, ladies and gentlemen, its been confirmed for July 4th - a huge special event here in the OAOAST - Battlebowl~! COACH Where odd pairings are made! CABOOSE Like Cole and a girl! COLE Eww. Cue: "Quiet" And cue the usual reaction for Black T. You might think fans would get bored of booing the suited, preened up duo. But oh no. Dan and Tony lap up the hostility, broad grins on their faces as they make their way down to the ring. COLE What do they have to say now? Why not just get back to wrestling, I want some half naked man action, dammit. Black T each have microphones. Tony climbs a turnbuckle and looks down at an audience member who's yelling "BLACK T SUCKS!" Tony points to the girl with the Black T abuser. BRANNIGAN Just like your girl will be sucking on the rod that delivers Brannigan's Law. Remember that name, darlin', you'll be screaming it later. Tony returns to a chuckling Dan Black's side. BLACK Allow me to introduce you all to week two of the Black T anniversary celebrations! "BOOOOOOOOOOOO!" BLACK As last week was such as success - both in *and* out of the ring, if you understand me - the party is rolling on! Even in America junior, Black T will still be bringing the adult entertainment! "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE I have a little brother. His name is Joel. COACH Joel Cole?! COLE Yeah. He's a neurosurgeon, married with kids. I think he's my parents favourite sad.gif BLACK Last week, those annoying ER wannabes, the Love Doctors, tried to interupt our good times. Now after seeing what happened to them, I know that's not going to happen again. BRANNIGAN My good friend Mr Black is correct. Not only are you looking at the greatest tag team in OAOAST history, but you're also looking at two men who, in the past month, both pinned the World Champion. "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" CABOOSE Well, he is factually correct. Dan beat Axel one on one, and Black T defeated the team of Axel and Zack. BRANNIGAN Now, we've already seen how the OAOAST officials will screw us out of our rightful place at the top of the card. But we can't be stopped. There's no one out there who would dare to - "Getting Away With Murder" comes over the sound system to the shock of Black T, as well as the thousands of fans crammed into the arena tonight. Decked to the nines is Zack Malibu, as he comes down the aisle. Tony Brannigan merely glares at the former Original Elite member as he comes to ringside, while Black stomps his feet and takes a deep breath, obviously annoyed at the presence of the man who recently took him to the limit and defeated him on a PPV broadcast. COLE This was unexpected, but the fans are ecstatic at the arrival of the former two time World Champion! Malibu steps into the ring and respectfully asks for the mic, but Dan Black won't hand it over. Malibu simply reaches for the mic and swipes it from Dan's hand, further annoying his nemesis. COACH I think Zack has something to say! CABOOSE What gave it away, detective? "MAL-I-BU!" "MAL-I-BU!" "MAL-I-BU!" The chants are loud and strong, as the crowd cheers in unison for the longtime OAOAST star. MALIBU Waaah, waaah, waaah. Dan Black, you should thank yourself that I DO have the balls to interrupt Black T, because if these people had to hear anymore of your bitching, they'd be headed for the exits. So, for the good of the company of course, I felt it was my obligation to come out here and shut you two up! *Crowd cheers, while Black T act shocked at the response of the fans.* MALIBU Now, I'll be the first to admit, you two are a tremendous tag team. Not only one of the best, if not THE best ever in the OAOAST, but I would say one of the best in the world, period. However, you seem to be glossing over the fact that recently, you've come up short in singles competition, and... Black snatches the mic back from Malibu, which draws an intense stare from the prep, and boos from the audience. BLACK Hold on a second, you egomaniac! You think that because that you got lucky at the pay per view, that Dan Black is finished? That getting a count on me actually MEANS something? Zack Malibu, I am STILL here. I'm STILL in one piece, and I stand before you now more motivated, more heated, more willing to destroy you for the good of this federation. You think that things just disappear into the air because you got a THREE COUNT? Face it Zack, you got a visual victory at the pay per view, but mentally, emotionally, you FAILED. You wanted nothing more than eye for an eye style revenge...to take me out the way I took out your girlfriend. To hear the crack of vertebrae, to snap my neck...and you couldn't do it. Same thing with Axel. He's been pinned by both Tony and myself, but because he gets a three count on Tony, all of a sudden he's "overcome the odds"? Axel is nothing more than a lame duck champion that either Tony or myself could beat on any given day. He's got his women issues right now though, something you're all too familiar with, so we'll let him be. The issue between Black T and Zack Malibu, the issue that concerns the company history and future, still remains, however, and frankly, the only end in sight that I see is for Tony Brannigan, The Body, and The Ice Heart, Dan Black...to rid the OAOAST of the man who has always allowed the spotlight to shine on himself. The man who hogs all the spotlight, all the media, all the attention and calls it company pride. YOU. Malibu steps closer to Black, looking like he's about to clock him, but just speaks into the mic. MALIBU You want me gone? You think your problems will go away even if you succeeded? You think that this company would magically transfer over to you if I ceased to compete, or had anything to do with it? BLACK It's a known fact, Zack. You go after the main person, the leader, and take him out, and the followers will fall. MALIBU Oh really? BLACK Really. MALIBU You know, it's funny, but you make it seem like I asked for this responsibility. Like I woke up one day and said "hey, I'm going to be the OAOAST poster boy!". You don't see how it is, do you. 2002, I came here with nothing but an attitude and money in my pocket. Everyone thought I was just another fly by night superstar, living off a trust fund and using that to get ahead. So what did I do? I started targetting Anglesault right off the bat. They had the aWo, so I created The In Crowd to counteract. I put effort into what I did...I busted my ASS to give the fans, the people, what THEY wanted to see instead of what AS and them did. Summertime came, and I got my shot, my chance at glory, because that guy sitting over there at Sofa Central, the same guy who came to my aid around the tiem of Anglemania this year because no one, NO ONE thought that I was for real anymore, he saw something in me. I might have lost those matches, but damned if I didn't bust my ass, and Caboose will tell you that. Anglesault, if he were here, would tell you that was the first time he became afraid of someone, because all the henchmen, the aWo, the sledge hammers, the belt shots, they couldn't keep ME down because I wanted it. I WANTED TO EARN MY WAY IN THIS COMPANY. I WANTED THE RESPECT OF THESE PEOPLE IN THE SEATS, AND EVERY MAN AND WOMAN WHO WALKED THROUGH THE BACK AND OUT THAT CURTAIN. I got that respect. I got that respect at Anglemania 2, when with one good leg, I still managed to win that title. I got that respect from a guy that everyone at one point or another, friend or foe, couldn't stand. And when he left...when he decided his heart wasn't in it anymore...they looked to me. They looked to that cocky kid who was here for just barely a year, and they wondered if I could do it, and it made me want to earn that respect even more. I fought people that were my friends, I lost a girlfriend, I got slammed through a ramp, fought CWM God knows how many times and got God knows how many scars...not for titles, not for my ego, but for RESPECT. The problem I have with you two is that the desire you have to want this company, to run this company, to take it over, is that it's materialism. You want the fame, the notoriety, and you think THAT will earn you respect? You know what...I respect you guys for being a great tag time. I respect you guys for being persistent...but... Malibu stops for a moment and undoes the buttons on his shirt, removing it and tossing it aside. MALIBU If you want respect, then you need to stop talking and start doing. For every great, hilarious In Crowd promo, there was a war that would take place so that we could back up our words. For every amazing return made by someone like Caboose or Some Guy, there was a follow up. We backed up our egos, no matter how big, and like you said Dan, I might have humbled you, but you're right, I didn't take you out. Still, you forget one thing... I'M STILL STANDING. The crowd roars, as Malibu drops the mic at his feet and backs up, as Black T are angered, but speechless. Tony then reaches and scoops the mic up. TONY Zack Malibu, that was a beautiful speech, but it's going to be hard to get more of those out when your jaw is wired shut. If that was a challenge, if that was a dare to come and get you, then Dan Black and I are up for it. I just didn't realize anyone in this company could be that stupid, but apparently one person is. Malibu snares the mic from Tony's grip. MALIBU Who said just one person? You guys are the greatest tag team going today...let's see a former World Champion and this...guy. But he's not just anybody, he's SOMEbody... "I think I'm cute...I know I'm sexy..." COLE WHOA! CABOOSE SOME GUY IS HERE ON HELDDOWN~! COLE He's had his problems with CWM, an associate of Black T in the Original Elite, and here he is again, at the side of Zack Malibu! Some Guy, also dressed casually, jogs down to the ring and slides in, standing next to Zack and staring down Black T. TONY Cute, very cute. OK boys, there's no need to drag this out any longer. Let's say we meet here in our gear later tonight. Straight tag rules, no stips, that way Black T can school you on what it means to be great. BLACK Enjoy your ring time while you can, Zack...because soon enough, I'm going to put you out of this business for GOOD. Black throws the mic down, and Black T exit to their theme song, as Malibu and Some Guy stand in the ring, making sure that they're leaving and don't have something up their sleeve. COLE What an announcement for later tonight! Black T, the former World Tag Team Champions and two of the most heralded OAOAST stars in history, against two more of the top stars in company history! Four Originals in the ring, battling it out...folks, don't you dare miss it! COACH Hey, I'm being told that Josh Matthews is in the back with the Frankensteiners! I'm gonna go see them! CABOOSE SIT DOWN, idiot! The cameras will go FOR you. COACH Ooh! Technology. Josh Matthews and the Frankensteiners (both in street clothes, with a now bleach-blond Frank sporting a Superstar Billy Graham/"Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner goatee and sunglasses) are standing backstage in front of a steel fence backdrop with HeldDOWN~! sign in center. JOSH It was just 7 days ago, right here on HeldDOWN~! that my guests created quite a stir during the final moments of their match against the Heavenly Rockers. The opening minutes were some of the most intense action we've ever seen, cooling down when the Heavenly Rockers took control of the bout and heating up once more when James E. Cornette inexplicably made his way down to ringside. Moments later the match was over. Gentlemen, you left a lot of people scratching their heads... FRANKIE I didn't do it, Joshie. Scouts honor. I've been using all these different shampoos but none seem to get rid of my dandruff. That's why I'm a rough 'em up type of guy. WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! FRANK Creating quite a stir is right, Josh Matthews. You see, me and my brother are one of the most feared tag teams in Japan, beating 'em skinny bitches -- who put our auto workers to shame with their superior automoblies because we Americans can't build a damn good car anymore -- left and right. In Japan we didn't have to win over the fans. Fans in our homeland expect us to win their over. They expect us to wine and dine them, plead for their cheers. We've spent far too much time trying to win their approval at the expense of doin' what we do best -- kick ass and take names, brother. As of right now, the Man of Tomorrow and the Pyscho Gremlin are no longer lookin' for others approval. The fans can cheer us, boo us, do whatever the hell they want, we're gonna do things our way now. Things that'll eventually lead us to the World Tag Team Championship. JOSH Going back to last week. We all saw how the momentum shifted once James E. Cornette appeared ringside. It's well-known Mr. Cornette is always on the look out for tag teams he believes can be an asset to his organization, and he did say he would get revenge on the Heavenly Rockers for their trouble with J.C.E. This isn't an easy question to ask, but it's my job to ask the tough questions. Is there some kind of working relationship between yourselves and Jim Cornette Enterprises? FRANK I outta shove my fists down your stinkin' throat and rip your f***in' lungs out for asking a stupid goddamn question like that! (looking off screen) Don't warn me about my language, bitch! I'm gonna say my peace and get the f*** away from fat asses like you. (to Josh) Just because them two skinny assholes took their eye off the ball and we picked it up and scored, that all of a sudden makes in cahoots with J.C.E.? How do you know it ain't the Heavenly Rockers who are hookin' up with Cornette? How do you know it ain't the Love Doctors or them pretty boy Lonestar Gunslingers from HI-YAH? Is it my new look? What kinda profiling is that, you twiggy little punk? FRANKIE The Frankensteiners are like Sweden -- or is it Switzerland? I can't tell them two sissies apart -- netural, but 80-billion times tougher. WOOF! WOOF! WOOF! FRANK If I were Jim Cornette, hell, I'd be scoopin' us out, too. The Frankensteiners are gonna be unstoppable. If that means we gotta run roughshod over teams like those wannabe rock stars or any other tag team in the OAOAST, we'll do it. Like every other team in the world, we want the gold around our waists. JOSH The answer to my question; is that a yes or a no? FRANK (shaking Josh by his collar) You're just seconds away from the Man of Tomorrow ripping your goddamn lungs out, you piece of sh-- Our business is our business, nobody elses. Got it? JOSH (gagging) I was just doing my job. FRANKIE I guess this means you didn't do a good job, Joshie. Meow! I mean, WOOF! MAN (Off-Screen) Yo, bitch! Ah think we got ourselves a wee bit of a problemo here. THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS w/HOLLY-WOOD! FRANK Get the f*** outta here, wigger, before my brother and I beat the shit outta you, your partner and give his bitch a night she'd never forget. Holly-Wood, you call youself the Angel of Death. Right now, what you're lookin' at is the Angel of Bliss because I take women to nirvana. I make 'em cum and then I make 'em run. Because that's what the Man of Tomorrow is all about. So if you ever wanna ride the 69 train along with the Man of Tomorrow...today...then step right up, because like the big bad wolf, I wanna eat Little Red Riding Hood. So this goes out to all the out-of-date people in the world. The Man of Tomorrow is your upgrade, download if ya hear me. Frank flexes and then kisses his biceps. HOLLY Lame-O, roidy. I'm not going to download because I don't want to catch a virus. So let me say this loud and clear, because I'm sure all the juice you've shot in your ass has taken away some of your hearing in addition to your small package! If anybody here deserves a tag title shot it's my boys, the greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time, the Heavenly Rockers! Synth and... (rubbing Logan's chest) ...this hot and sexy Mann, Logan Mann. You can "usher" in me any time, baby. Holly and Logan share a sloppy wet, passionate kiss. With TONGUE. Lots of tongue. The two nearly shallowing each others faces. FRANK What a big mouth you have, bitch. It'll go real nice around my big-- LOGAN Ain't no punk ass bitch gonna verbal bitch-smack my lady. SYNTH Yeah! Time to get biz-zay on their ass, Mann. LOGAN It's time for a HeldDOWN~! SmackDOWN~! on Cinco de Mayo. SYNTH I didn't know you were Mexican; I thought you were-- In that case, a-Reba Mcentire! LOGAN I'm black, fool! SYNTH Jesus dry humping the Devil, I thought you just had one helluva tan. FRANKIE I've been quiet too far. And being quiet makes me feel unwanted. So you guys want some, or what? LOGAN Yeah, we'll take a brawl for two. FRANKIE (to Frank) Little brother, you know what that is? I never heard of that drink before? FRANK Them fightin' words, big brother. With that, Synth and Logan SPEAR Frank and Frankie into the STEEL FENCE! The warring teams brawl all over the backstage arena. The Frankensteiners grab the Heavenly Rockers in front facelocks as they hammer them with clubbering forearm shots to the back. The greatest rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time firing back with a combination of bodyshots and punches. The Man of Tomorrow waistlocks Logan and sends him crashing into the STEEL FENCE WITH AN OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! Mann scrapes his back as he slides down the old rusty steel. Synth goes to help his partner, but Frankie grabs him from behind and drops him on a STORAGE TRUNK WITH A RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! COLE We need security back there, now! CABOOSE Thank you, Mr. Obvious. Positioned over Logan, Frank drills him with hard right hands. Holly goes behind Frank and RAKES HIS EYES, causing him to ease up on Logan. As she backs away, Frank reaches out and touches someone -- grabbing Holly by her ankle and tripping her up. Still feeling the effects of the eye gouge, Frank brings Holly closer by pulling down on her pants, RIPPING THEM OFF in the process, which receives a loud cheer from the fans watching on the AngleTron. CABOOSE A pink thong! Yes! Yes! Yes! (pause) Oh, no. I turned into Jerry "The King" Lawler! KING PUPPIES! COLE Forget the thong. I want to see more of these sweaty hunks of meat grab and tug on each other. Before he can mount Holly from behind, Logan stuns Frank with a LOW BLOW AND THROWS HIM FACE-FIRST INTO THE FENCE! Logan checks on his lady, who tells him to go finish kicking Frank's roided up, pimple infested ass. Logan jumps back on a now BLOODY Man of Tomorrow and brutalizes him with wicked left hands. He stops as he hears Holly shreik in the background. He whips around and sees FRANKIE HOLDING HOLLY ABOVE HIS HEAD, about to slam her on the concrete floor. Logan rushes over and KICKS FRANKIE BETWEEN HIS LEGS. Synth finally re-emerges from the land of cobwebs and helps his partner STUFF FRANKIE INTO THE STORAGE TRUNK NEARBY! "FREE FRANKIE!" *clap*clap*clap*clap*clap* "FREE FRANKIE!" *clap*clap*clap*clap*clap* "FREE FRANKIE!" *clap*clap*clap*clap*clap* OAOAST officials storm the arena, trying to restore order but cannot. Looking like something out of a horror movie, a bloody Frank charges the Heavenly Rockers and decks them with a STEINERLINE, just to turn around and get WHALLOPED BY HOLLY WITH THE HELDDOWN~! SIGN THAT HUNG ON THE FENCE! With everybody except Holly down, and Frankie still stuffed in the trunk, officials finally bring things to a calm. Along with arrivaling EMTs they check on both teams and free Frankie. The property inside the trunk ripped and torn. COACH What The Coach wants to know, is how much longer can these two teams go until they kill each other? CABOOSE I don't like either team -- unless the Frankensteiners aligned themselves with Cornette; that'll be a smart move for an otherwise stupid team -- but they must blow it off. Frankensteiners-Heavenly Rockers at School's Out. I want it! COLE I want to get paid, and you know who pays us? *commercials*

The camera cuts to the backstage area. Medical personnel have arrived, and are checking on John “Rock Hard†Brickston and The All-American Boys. AAB III is being put in a neck brace, and is being taken in a stretcher into an ambulance. AAB II is being put on a neck brace also. Medical personnel are checking on John Brickston, who is coughing up blood. Brickston is refusing any help from the medics. MEDIC John, John, are you okay? JOHN “ROCK HARD†BRICKSTON Leave me alone. MEDIC John, how are you feeling? JOHN Leave me alone! MEDIC John, we need to see if you’re okay. BRICKSTON I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE, GODDAMNIT! The medics continue trying to check on Brickston, but Brickston refuses any help at help, trying to get up on his own, despite coughing up blood. He is holding his stomach with his left hand. COLE What a vicious attack by The Lightning Crew that we just saw earlier. The LC is trying to get John Brickston out of the OAOAST for good, and, well, this might just do it. COACH The feud between John Brickston and Tha Puerto Rican keeps on getting more vicious. We were supposed to see a match between Brickston and Cuban Wall for the Italian Championship, but instead we get this. CABOOSE Which is even better than a match between Cuban Wall and John Brickston. What we saw was so damn entertaining. The medics are finally able to check on the dizzy John “Rock Hard†Brickston. AAB II has already been loaded into an ambulance. BRICKSTON You tell PRL, you tell him, I want his ass at School’s Out! I want to kick his ass at School’s Out! I’M GOING TO DESTROY THA PUERTO RICAN AT SCHOOL’S OUT! I WILL! Brickston continues being checked by the medical personnel. COLE John Brickston is bleeding from the mouth, and yet he still has the strength to issue a challenge to PRL for School’s Out. COACH Brickston has had enough of PRL. He was screwed out of the 24/7 Title at Living Anglelously! The Lightning Crew viciously attacked him tonight! He wants to settle this at School’s Out; the question is whether or not Tha Puerto Rican will accept the challenge. COLE Who knows what he has suffered. Broken ribs? A broken hand? What injuries does he have thanks to this attack? CABOOSE Hopefully injuries bad enough that cause him to retire. COACH Why you got to be such an ass? CABOOSE Why you got to be such an idiot? COACH Uh...I don't know. BRICKSTON I want to kick PRL’s ass at School’s Out! COLE Well, hopefully, we’ll get the answer soon. The last shot we see is of John “Rock Hard†Brickston slowly getting up, with medical personnel trying to check on him some more. *cut to Sofa Central* COLE Wow. CABOOSE Yep. *"The Wall" by Kansas hits and Alfdogg makes his way to the ring.* (crowd is booing) ALF You know, you people never cease to amaze me. After my successful comback to HD last week, when I beat Peter Knight, when I DESTROYED his arm, dominating the match and coming out on top, this is the reaction I get? No wonder the Grizzles left this place! (crowd boos louder) ALF Anyway, I'm going to make this short and sweet. I've done a lot of thinking this past week since that match, and I've come to the conclusion that my tremendous performance against Peter Knight, has earned me a title shot. So, right now, I'm calling out the OAOAST Championship Committee, and telling them that I DESERVE a title match. I'm also calling out whoever the unlucky soul may be that has to defend against me. Whoever it is, their days with gold are numbered, because I don't care if I have to cripple you, like I did Peter Knight, to take your belt. And if it comes to crippling you, I'm not going to sneak attack you and cripple you from behind, like I'm Todd Bertuzzi... (HUGE boos from the crowd). No. You saw what happened last week, watch closely because that's the fate that awaits you. But looking at the list of champions we have right now, it won't even come to that. *"The Wall" hits and Alf leaves the ring.* COLE Alfdogg giving a message here tonight. We'll be back!

You people. My manager came by the store after work and held me up. Held me DOWN, even. Sorry. Show going up now.

I thought it was a good show. Hoff was on twice so you KNOW the ratings will be up. Four matches, too. I realize we went off the air with a heel winning, but it was a cool match and I thought a deserving ME. BUY MY SHIRT!

Hey, Stevie, some friendly advice. A good way to get started is to read a show or two, as well as peruse the character specs, and find a person or persons you'd like to work with. Then PM them, and see if they're available. Most everyone is open to working with new people, if they're free to do so. Until then, feel free to send in promos, video packages, whatever hyping your guy. Your offer is good, as well. But don't hesitate to take the initiative.

I'll do it, you slags. EVERYTHING IN BY 9:00 EDT. Show up around 10.

I'm talking, like, Desert Strike, American Bass Challenge, that sort of shit. Okay...really just those two. Outside of the interweb, anyone know of a good place to find older, less-known GBA stuff like that? The usual suspects -- GameStop, GameCRAZYOMG, etc. have come up empty.

Heh, didn't even realize I was doing it. That's just what my friends and I call them.

You're a good man.

Dude, maybe.

Oh, man. Two years back, I was vacationing in DC, and on an afternoon when I was taking a break from museum-ing, I caught T3 in a theater in the train station. I counter three other white people. The majority was black, and the majority of them were dressed like your stereotypical ghetto kids. I noticed, but didn't really pay it any mind, thinking that the audience would quiet down during the movie. Yeah, right. But, here's the weird thing: every tme someone gets physically assaulted, these people laugh. Hard. And then at some of the jokes, they start BOOING, which led to more general chaos, shouting, and then more laughing. I swear, this crowd enjoyed the film as much as any audience could have, and probably don't remmeber a scene. It was awesome. I couldn't even be mad.

This probably says something about the random nature of man. Plus it's cool.

I thought the Mad Russian was kinda bad. Flonaze, the judges seemed into, but I thought it was kind of...not boring, but "standard," I guess? Dunno. Wifebeater 3:16 sounded pretty good, despite or maybe BECAUSE OF pitch problems...hmm? Hmm? Yeah. Bo was frickin' awesome, I don't even LIKE that Los Lonely Boys song and I was into it. Carrie Underpants was...fiery. First song, anyway -- only second songs I saw were Vonzell's and Bo's. I say Khruschev goes home.

I bought it and traded it in like two weeks later. YMMV, but I found it a major step down from WMXIX. The camera angle was odd and the hit detection was poor, and I wasn't real thrilled with the create-a-wrestler function, either. The story mode did seem cool, but from a "just mess around and do cool shit" standpoint I liked WMXIX a lot more. That game has an abysmal story mode, though, so buyer beware. I'm sure you can find it for less than $20 somewhere.

FINE! TURN A DEAF EAR TO THE APOCALYPSE!!!!

TEH INTERNET~! NO!! I don't want eBay OR roms, or...wait. Flik, what's all this now? You should hook a nigga up.

Also, there's two much intelligence in those big eyes for a baby. I'm not convinced these dolls aren't some sort of alien monitoring device. So when we get nuked by Klingons, you know who we have to thank? RIPPER. Way to promote EVIL, ass.

Look at her pet. NOT OF THIS WORLD.

Here's the main problem: they're scary. And ugly. I dunno what the fuck is up with those eyes, but if my daughter was ever playing with one, I'd punt it out the window. Damn, get something normal looking. Barbie might be a bad stereotype, but at least she appears human. These things look like they landed from Saturn.

Since it looks like we'll likely go through with this, I figured we could use this separately for the "when." For reference, the 4th of July is the Monday after the HeldDOWN after the GAB. I personally like that date. It allows us to keep current plans for the July PPV intact, and being on a Monday makes it seem all the more special. We also then have the HD after the GAB to set it up, storyline-wise. Vote or die, motherfuckers, motherfuckers vote or die.

*points to sig* Run for the hills, CC.