Hoff

HeldDOWN is presented by OAOAST Entertainment. *^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^* OAOAST HeldDOWN~! With Anglemania IV only three days away, what will happen this week? What COULD happen? Does that thing got a Hemi? You're about to find out!! HeldDOWN kicks off LIVE, from the world's capital, or it will be if certain presidents have their way. WASHINGTON DC~! Amidst the crowd are no likely several politicians and/or murdereds. They're all in awe of the FIREWORKS~ The cameras sweep the boisterous, murder-lovin' crowd, whooping and hollering, before settling on Sofa Central and Triple C! COLE Welcome, everyone, to HELDDOWN!! LIVE~ from Washington DC! LIVE~ three days out from ANGLEMANIA FOUR!! LIVE~, from-- COACH What's that steel cage doing hanging above the ring? COLE Is it LIVE~? COACH Um...I think so! CABOOSE You two twits. I have no idea why the cage is there, but I have some other ideas. Number one is that we're gonna hear from the two pretenders to Drek's throne tonight. Number two has to do with the Original Elite...but we'll deal with them later. COLE Folks, if you missed it, last week Caboose came to the aid of Zack Malibu after he was double-crossed by CWM. More on that later but first-- A deep, slow voiced man screams out “LIGHTNING CREW!” This lets the fans know who is coming out as the opening to “No Chance In Hell” begins playing. The fans stand up and begin booing as smoke fills the entrance. A lightning bolt hits the entrance, and The Lightning Crew entrance video plays on the AngleTron as “No Chance In Hell” begins playing. Finally, after a few seconds, the entrance doors slide open, and from the smoke comes out the entire Lightning Crew: Mr. Boricua, Cuban Wall, Thomas Rodriguez, Vitamin X, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, and Tha Puerto Rican, with Stephen Joseph Popick. PRL looks at the crowd with disgust, adjusts his suit and tie, and his Puerto Rico flag doo-rag, and then walks to the ring, with The Lightning Crew and Popick following suit. The crowd boos loudly. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome, THE LIGHTNING CREW! CABOOSE What better way to start the show than with Tha Puerto Rican? COACH Uh Zack? Hoff? Axel? The Nitro Girls?! CABOOSE It was a rhetorical question, you idiot! COLE PRL is out right now, and it looks like we may finally get an explanation as to why there is a cage hanging above the ring! “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Boyds continues playing as PRL walks to the ring. He jaws with the fans along the way, and laughs with Popick. The camera shows the Steel Cage that is hanging on top of the ring. The crowd chants “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” Popick holds the ropes for Puerto Rican, and PR enters the ring, doing a spin around the ring, soaking in the crowd boos. He does the HBK muscle pose, and pyro explodes behind him and The LC. Lightning laughs his evil laugh and poses on the turnbuckles. Vitamin X grabs a microphone from the ring while the lights go back on in the arena. The Lightning Crew gather in the center of the ring, all of them standing behind PRL, Popick, and Vitamin X. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Boyds dies down, as the crowd boos. COLE We are just 3 days away from “Rage In The Cage: PR/Panther II”. And right now, we are about to hear from one of the men in that match, Tha Puerto Rican! CABOOSE Shhh! Quiet down! “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican is about to talk! VITAMIN X PRL. This Sunday, April 3rd, at the Trump Plaza Hotel And Casino Convention Center in Atlantic City, New Jersey, you will go head-to-head with “The Champ Of Champs” Panther, in a Steel Cage Match! Tell us, your Lightning Bolts, what are your thoughts heading into this match? The crowd boos as Vitamin X puts the mic under PRL’s mouth. “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMP IS HERE!!! CROWD BOOOOOOOO!!! PRL So, Panther, the match is almost here. The hype is almost finished. Time is slowly ticking away, as we inch closer and closer to “Rage In The Cage”. Panther, not only are we coming closer and closer to the match, we are coming closer and closer to the end of YOUR CAREER! The Steel Cage Match is one of the most dangerous matches in professional wrestling, and it will be the match where you are CRIPPLED! Panther, you made the biggest mistake of your life when you screwed me at Anglepalooza; I SHOULD HAVE WON THE LETHAL RUMBLE! I SHOULD BE THE #1 CONTENDER TO THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE! But you had to be petty. You had to be a sore loser. You were pissed that I was better than you in that match, so you ELIMINATED ME! You couldn’t stand the fact that someone was better than you, could you? You couldn’t stand the fact that maybe you aren’t “The Champ Of Champs”? You couldn’t stand the fact that you AREN’T the best OAOAST wrestler. So, you acted like a punk and took me out! PRL stops to take to calm down. CABOOSE Listen to the man he speaks the truth. PRL But you know what? I’m not bitter. I’m not going to whine and bitch and moan about the Lethal Rumble. Anglepalooza was 2 months ago. I’ve moved on. No, this match isn’t going to be payback for The Lethal Rumble. Oh no. This isn’t about The Lethal Rumble. This is PERSONAL! Panther, you are the most egotistical, self-centered, obnoxious, selfish son-of-a-bitch that I’ve ever seen in the OAOAST. Yes, you are a great wrestler. Yes, you are quite charismatic. But anything you can do, I CAN DO BETTER! I am better than you in every. single. way. And I will prove it to you, this Sunday, at AngleMania IV, in front of the millions… CROWD …and millions! PRL SHUT UP! Like I said, I will prove it to you in front of the millions and millions of my fans. My Lightning Bolts! The crowd isn’t exactly thrilled with that comment. P.R. My Lightning Bolts will cheer me on to victory. Panther, you are not just dealing with me, you are dealing with The Lightning Bolts, who will chant my name this Sunday: “P.R.! P.R.! P.R.! P.R.!” The crowd adds a “SUCKS!” after each “P.R.!” Soon, P.R. stops the chant, and the crowd continues it with “P.R. SUCKS! P.R. SUCKS!” PRL sneers at the crowd. COACH Guess there aren’t a lot of Lightning Bolts in this arena tonight. CABOOSE These fans are idiots. Booing a man like PR, but cheering a guy like Panther? Give me a break! PRL Panther, this Sunday, AngleMania IV, there will be “Rage In The Cage”. I am going to beat you to within an inch of your life! I am going to beat you to a bloody pulp! YOU WILL KNOW BY THE END OF THIS MATCH, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH THA PUERTO RICAN!!! At this remark, the Steel Cage begins to lower. The crowd starts cheering. PRL continues talking as the cage is now surrounding the ring. THA PUERTO RICAN At AngleMania IV, Panther and I will be surrounded by this 16 feet high, 20 feet wide, steel structure. And Panther, I will DO ANYTHING TO WIN! This Steel Cage will be not only be our battleground, this Steel Cage will be MY WEAPON AGAINST YOU! I will use this Steel Cage to bash your brains in, to make you bleed, to END YOUR CAREER! This Steel Cage is the place where our feud will end, and it will end with ME on top! I WILL WALK OUT OF ANGLEMANIA THE WINNER, and you will walk out…no wait, you won’t even walk out of AngleMania on your own two feet. After what I do to you at AngleMania, you will leave AngleMania…on a STRETCHER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is obviously confident that he will defeat Panther this Sunday at AngleMania. POPICK People, people, I am sensing that you aren’t too please to have Tha Puerto Rican in the ring right now. Well, you should realize whom it is you are booing. This man right here is “The Corporate Champion”! This man right here is the most electrifying man in professional wrestling! This man is a future World Heavyweight Champion! This man is the future of professional wrestling and each and every one of you know that, and yet refuse to admit it! The crowd boos. COACH It’s like a game, trying to figure out who the crowd despises more, Popick or Tha Puerto Rican? PRL Now, I’m sure you are all wondering just why there is a Steel Cage here tonight on HeldDOWN~!. Well, tonight, there is going to be a Steel Cage Match. Call it a “Warm-Up” to AngleMania IV. Why is that, you asked? Because this match will have PANTHER (crowd pops), taking on The Lightning Crew’s very own…THOMAS RODRIGUEZ! Thomas Rodriguez is surprised at this announcement, as is the crowd. Thomas tries to beg out of the match, telling PR, “Panther’s going to kill me!” PR Now wait a minute Thomas. Wait a minute. Why are you so worried? Huh? Is it because Panther is an actual wrestler? Is it because you are going to fight in a Steel Cage? Don’t let any of that imitate you. You are THOMAS RODRIGUEZ! You are the official referee of The Lightning Crew! You have a mind for wrestling! Panther, Panther isn’t as smart as you are. You have to use your mind to defeat him. THOMAS But Boss, Panther is more experienced in the ring than I am. Plus, he is taller than me, muscular than me. For God sakes, don’t make me do this! P.R. Oh Thomas, this match will be easy for you. Don’t worry, you’re beat him. Trust me, Panther is no match for the power of Thomas Rodriguez! You are going to lay the smackdown on his candy ass! And I will be right there cheering you on the entire time! So, what do you say? THOMAS OH GOD, I DON’T WANT TO DIE! I DON’T WANNA DIE! PRL Uh…anyway, Panther, tonight, prepare to get your ass kicked by Thomas Rodriguez! And then at AngleMania, I will finish the job, by kicking your ass, and walking out of the cage, the WINNER! Infact, let me just show you what’s going to happen this Sunday at AngleMania. Tha Puerto Rican casually walks out of the cage, through the door, and climbs down the steps. He raises his arms in victory, which infuriates the crowd. The Lightning Crew applauds their leader. Popick grabs the microphone. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner of “Rage In The Cage: PR/Panther II”, “THE CORPORATE CHAMPION” THA PUUEEERRRTTTO RIIIIICCCCAAANNNNNNNN!!! PRL grabs another mic. THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! “Know Your Role ‘99” begins playing. The crowd showers The Corporate Champ with boos. PRL continues raising his arms in victory, and afterwards, jaws with some fans at ringside. The Lightning Crew exit the cage, and walk with PRL to the entrance with Thomas Rodriguez quite obviously frightened about his upcoming match with Panther. COLE Tha Puerto Rican with some harsh words for his opponent at AngleMania IV, Panther. He is ready for the Steel Cage Match this Sunday. CABOOSE Panther better be careful when he steps into the Cage this Sunday. He is going to fight a pissed off Puerto Rican. Have you ever seen somebody piss off Tha Puerto Rican and live to tell about it? COACH The Mad Cappa. CABOOSE IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION, DUMBASS! You don’t know the meaning of the word “rhetorical” do you? COACH Uh…no. Tha Puerto Rican poses in the entrance ramp, and then exits. The Lightning Crew and Popick try to console the scared Thomas Rodriguez. COLE What a match we have tonight. Thomas Rodriguez, the evil referee of The Lightning Crew, will take on Panther in a Steel Cage Match. After the events of last week, you can bet Panther is looking forward to that match! CABOOSE This makes perfect sense. Tha Puerto Rican is trying to take some energy out of Panther 3 days before “Rage In The Cage”, so that he isn’t 100% at AngleMania. COLE But why would he choose Thomas Rodriguez? CABOOSE I have no idea, but Tha Puerto Rican is a freaking genius, so he must have something up his sleeve. The Lightning Crew has left the ring as “Know Your Role ‘99” continues playing. COLE What a show we have for you tonight as we continue on the Road To AngleMania IV! Steel Cage Match: Panther vs. Thomas Rodriguez, and more, tonight on HeldDOWN~!. AngleMania IV: The Classiest AngleMania Ever is only 72 hours away, ORDER NOW! The cameras cut to a shot of the backstage interview area, where boobilicious reporter Jackie Gayda stands by...with HOFF, whom the camera pans up to. The live crowd goes bonkers as Hoff comes into frame, wearing his new "H" logo tee (available online now!) and a pair of sunglasses. He looks none too happy as he stares into space, apparently mulling over what he's about to say. JACKIE Hoff, in three days, you have what many are calling the biggest match of your career, as you will face Drek Stone for the World Heavyweight Title at Anglemania IV. Jackie pauses, as if waiting for a response to her non-question, but Hoff doesn't even turn his eyes to her. After a moment, the bombshell continues. JACKIE In this match, many people believe you will get the chance to right a serious wrong by regaining what most fans are calling your title. Jackie pauses again, looking up at the big man for an answer. Hoff keeps his gaze elsewhere. As often happens, a spontaneous "HOFF" chant breaks out among the live crowd. Probably among the fans watching at home, as well. JACKIE Okay....well, shifting gears, last week we saw Axel finally stand up to Crystal. How do you feel about that? Do you feel any different about possibly facing Axel at Anglemania? Jackie looks at Hoff, lowering the mic to her side. Jackie turns her body and steps closer to Hoff, looking into his eyes as he stares into space. JACKIE Hoff, please. If we could get any thoughts you might have...if you could just tell us anything... With that, Hoff takes off his sunglasses. Even THAT gets a big cheer from the crowd! Hoff looks down at Jackie, his expression deadly earnest. Hoff sighs, taking a deep breath. HOFF Jackie...let me tell you a story. The fans cheer as Hoff turns to face the camera, gesturing with his hands as he spins the tale. HOFF Now our story takes place on a cold and snowy night. Minneapolis, Minnesota, 1979. You see, it was on this night that the world would lay witness to the arrival of the future. The fans, being extremely intelligent, are able to pick up on who Hoff means by "the future" and cheer and laugh and just geenrally get all excited. HOFF Oh, Jackie, for hours the battle raged on. One man against the elements. A man on a mission to enter the world and change it forever. And finally, it happened. The man broke free, and it was on that cold and lonely evening that Hoff came into the world. The slower fans are now up to speed, and another cheer goes up. HOFF And so as I lay there, kicking and screaming, the doctor picked me up by my feet, and you know what he did, Jackie? He slapped me in the ass! Hoff gives Jackie a truly shocked and offended look. Jackie has no idea what to make of this story at all, so she says nothing. Hoff closes his mouth, shakes his head, and turns back to face the camera. HOFF Well let me tell you something, Jackie. Let me tell you what I did that night. Before that damn doctor knew what was happening, I kicked my legs free. The room fell into a panic as this little baby fell, fell, down to the ground...but I landed on my feet. And before he could react, I spun around, grabbed that doctor, and SPINEBUSTERED that son of a bitch right then and there! The crowd marks out like children at the image. Hoff pauses for effect... HOFF Now, let me tell you the moral of our story, Jackie. It doesn't matter who you are. Doesn't matter if you're my best friend, or my worst enemy. If you get in my way, I *will* take you out. "HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF HOFF" HOFF And as far as Anglemania is concerned, I don't give a damn who I have to go through...I will get my title back. Hoff's face turns stone-cold serious. HOFF Drek...Axel...welcome. "TO THE FUTURE!!" the fans scream, and Hoff allows himself the slightest, darkest of cocky smiles as we fade out. *commercial*

The camera shows The Lightning Crew dressing room. Well, it shows the door to a room marked LIGHTNING CREW. From the outside, the camera catches a conversation taking place inside. THOMAS RODRIGUEZ But I don’t want to fight Panther! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ Relax you’ll be fine. THOMAS RODRIGUEZ Panther is going to kill me! PRL No he won’t. Now, let go of that couch, and head to the ring! THOMAS NO! PRL YES! THOMAS UH-UH! PRL Don’t make me bring out Mr. Boricua. THOMAS I’m not going! I’m staying here! PRL MR. BORICUA! MR. BORICUA HMMMM! THOMAS No! Not Mr. Boricua! NOOOOOO!!! Grunts and screams are heard coming from The Lightning Crew dressing room. Finally, PRL opens the door, and it is revealed that Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall are trying to drag Thomas Rodriguez away from a couch, but Thomas is holding on tight. PRL holds the door open, as Wall and Boricua finally pry Thomas away from the couch and out of the room. PRL Now don’t come back till you beat Panther! “The Corporate Champion” Tha Puerto Rican slams the door and locks it. Thomas Rodriguez knocks repeatedly on the door, frantically trying to get back in, but The Lightning Crew doesn’t respond. THOMAS Boss! Don’t do this to me! Boss! PLEASE! I DON’T WANT TO DIE! After a few seconds, Thomas stops knocking. He breathes deep, calming himself down. Thomas is already in his wrestling attire, so he figures he has no choice but to head to the ring. THOMAS Well, I’m in my wrestling attire, so I guess I should head to the ring. Here we go. Panther, YOU’RE MINE! Thomas Rodriguez walks away, psyching himself up for his match with Panther. The crowd laughs. COLE Well, I guess we’re in for a slobberknocker. Or not. In any case, Panther will take on Thomas Rodriguez in a Steel Cage, next on HeldDOWN~! The scene opens on a very average looking gym. Nothing on the level of Lifetime Fitness, but no run-down, busted weight room either; clearly, the facility is privately owned and operated, and well-kept. The camera sweeps across the room, showing off the fancy equipment, the free weights, the treadmill, the exercise bike, elliptical machine, cross-trainers...all of it, looking ready for use. The shot finally settles on the man who will be that equipment's next user. Tall and well-built, the man is dressed for the task ahead, wearing a full-zip hooded sweatshirt and a pair of black workout pants. The man strokes his goatee and nods, looking at the equipment with a fondness few would understand. A voice echoes through the still shot. "So I find myself back here..." The man walks into the gym, the shot fading to black. Suddenly we open to that same man in a wrestling ring, surrounded by thousands of screaming fans. The man is lying on his back, on top of a woman, cradling her leg with what looks like the very last ounce of his strength. A referee falls to his knees, slapping his hand on the canvas three times as the fans count along, "one, two, three..." The shot fades to black as the voice speaks once again. "I find myself in the same situation..." The shot switches to a birds-eye view of the man in the gym, lieing on a weight bench, pressing two large metal dumbells overhead. As the man lifts the weights, the scene is engulfed by grey steel. The two weights come together with a "clang," and separate as the man brings them back down. He presses them again..."clang," and back down. The man sets the weights down at either side, then sits up, moving out of frame as the scene fades to black. "After everything that has happened..." The shot fades in to the man lieing on a heap on a concrete floor, his knee torqued at a violent angle. Out of frame, a voice can be heard shouting for an ambulance. "They said I'd never make it back..." The shot abruptly switches back to the gym, as the man is seated on a state-of-the-art machine, doing leg presses. An obscene amount of weight is rising and falling with every press. Sweat is visible on the man's forehead, and the sweatshirt has been removed, exposing the sweat seeping through the front of the man's plain white t-shirt. The man breathes deeply, taking in as much air as he can with every press. "I proved them wrong." The man grunts, pressing the weight up one last time with his massive thighs before letting it hit the stack with a sharp clang. The man swings his legs free of the machine, grabbing a towel from the floor. He wipes his face and forehead as he rises, walking away from the machine and out of frame. The scene fades to black as we hear: "They said I could never beat the champ..." The shot cuts to another in-ring shot, of what looks to be an even bigger crowd, as the large man has another man sitting on his shoulders. The fans are at a fever pitch as the big man swings the smaller man's legs to the side, letting him fall for a split-second before catching his legs and driving him to the mat. The big man falls across his foe, hooking one leg as another nameless official counts the pinfall. One, two, three.... "I beat him in the center of the ring." The big man rolls off of his opponent as the bell sounds, raising his fist in victory. The referee grabs a large, gold belt and hands it to the big guy, raising his arm. The shot zooms out, showing everyone smiling: the wrestler, the referee, even the ring announcer. To an outsider, it would look like the man is on top of the world. The shot fades to black. "It didn't matter. They took it from me again." The shot cuts to the big man in the gym, pedaling furiously on the exercise bike. The camera is lined up even with the man's eyes. His breathing is heavy, but he blocks the pain and exhaustion, his face beet red. Upon a closer inspection, as the shot zooms in on the man's face, we see that his eyebrows are furrowed, and anger is visible in his eyes. "Now, they tell me I've got one last chance." The shot fades to black. We see nothing, hear nothing, except the voice. "At Anglemania, I have one more shot to get what's rightfully mine. The thing I lust after, the thing I dream about. The title that I never lost. The championship they stole from me while I was laid up in a hospital bed The badge of honor that lets the world know that you are the very best at what we do. The Heavyweight Championship of the World. MY Championship. Mine." The scene opens again on the doorway of the gym, the man leaning on the wooden door frame. The sweatshirt is on once again, and the man's gym bag looks packed and ready to go. "Drek Stone...Axel. The time has arrived. You both want to be world champion...but I need it. I can't have it any other way. For me, the future is now..." The man takes one last look at the gym, showing a faint hint of a smile as he turns to leave. As he steps through the doorway, he sticks his left hand out, flipping a switch that dims the lights. As the door closes behind the man, cutting off the remaining light, we once more fade to black. "Now, or never." *commercial*

COLE Folks, tonight is of course the last stop on the road to Anglemania. And in just three days, we will 'Go Corporate', with the fourth annual AngleMania. And forgive my language, but we've got one bitchin's card on tap guys. !~OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP -- PART ONE~! -DREK STONE © VS. HOFF- COLE And that includes TWO World Title matches. Kicking off with a rematch from Zero Hour. This time, there WILL be a winner... CABOOSE We hope. COLE ...Drek and Hoff have been doing battle, physical and mental, for a couple of months now. This one will come to a head at Anglemania. But, for whoever wins, the night will still be young. -AXEL VS. CRYSTAL- COACH Wow. What can you say about this one? CABOOSE Plently. Former lovebirds, torn apart and put against each other in the ring. You still have to wonder what Axel's mindset really is concerning this match, because lets face it, no matter how much he hides it he stills wants Crystal. COLE Let's not forget, this is a rematch from last year's Anglemania too. CABOOSE And Crystal won...and she didn't have Gunner around last year. Seriously, this is a no-brainer here. !~OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP -- PART TWO~! -DREK STONE OR HOFF © VS. AXEL- COLE Well, win lose or draw against Crystal this year, Axel will be waiting on whomever wins the first World Heavyweight Championship match in the main event. Axel won the Lethal Rumble to earn his shot and he will get it. But against who? COACH Whom. COLE Whatever. CABOOSE This could be a disaster, in more ways than one. Drek and Hoff could very well DESTROY each other, leaving the winner easy prey for Axel in the main. Or, on the other hand, if Axel loses to Crystal, what state of mind will he be in? !~HANDICAP GRUDGE MATCH~! -BLACK T & CWM VS. ZACK MALIBU & CABOOSE- COLE Folks, if you've been watching HeldDOWN~! in recent weeks, you'll know all about the hideous acts that have gone down. Zack Malibu has been turned on not once but twice...by Black T and then, by CWM, who WE thought had come back to help Zack. He's been beaten. He's been destroyed. But he has his chance at revenge at Anglemania, with a certain Caboose as his partner. CABOOSE ... COACH Man, you gonna get yo' ass whupped! *SMACK!* !~OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP~! -CHICKS OVER DICKS © VS. THE GLOBAL PARTY EXCHANGE- COLE The World Tag Team Championships will be on the line, between two teams who simply don't get along. CABOOSE Insult after insult has been thrown back and forth between these two teams. But at Anglemania, they have to prove they can get it done in the ring, as well as on the mic. COLE Will the GPX steal the Anglemania show again this year? Or can the COD and their 'Girl Powah' overcome. COACH Ha! You said cum! *SMACK!* !~THE JOY OF X, NON-TITLE MATCH~! -LEON RODEZ VS. THE SUPERSTAR VS. THE AMAZING RANDO VS. K-MONEY- CABOOSE We really should have called this Anglemania- The Seniors Tour, huh? COLE The returns of three former X-Division Champions to take on current X-Division Champion, Leon Rodez. The Joy Of X. And apparantly, it will be fought under Lucha Libre rules. Which means twenty counts on the floor and an automatic tag if the legal man in the ring touches the arena floor. So, I guess that means it'll be a Four Corners set-up. CABOOSE Sounds far too complicated for me to care. Except for Supes. Supes is good peoples. !~STEEL CAGE MATCH~! -PANTHER VS. THA PUERTO RICAN- COLE This one has been months in the making. The Puerto Rican and Panther have been ITCHING to get at each other, but their match at Zero Hour was...well, inconclusive. So we do it all over again at Anglemania IV. But this time, in a Steel Cage. COACH One of the most brutal matches in wrestling. Panther and TPR are gonna be trapped inside a steel cage with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. Just like Panther wants. CABOOSE And Tha Puerto Rican does. He's not afraid of Panther! He signed the contract, he's willing to step into the cage and put his body on the line. And he's going to lay the smack down on Panther's candy ass at Anglemania. COACH Talk about gimmick infringeme... *SMACK!* !~TEXAS DEATH MATCH~! -THE 70'S DUDE VS. CALVIN SZECHSTEIN- COLE Anglemania, going old school with a Texas Death Match! CABOOSE Since when has Trump Plaza Hotel And Casino been in Texas!?! COLE Well, true. But "New Jersey Death Match" really doesn't have the same ring to it. So, it will be a Texas Death Match. Which means one man will be walking out with a victory...and the other won't be walking out at all. And as older fans will know, Texas Death Matches are as brutal as it can get. CABOOSE Anglemania 3 was one of the worst nights in Calvin Szechstein's career. This year might not be much better, if the 70's Dude has his way. !~GRUDGE MATCH OF MANY STIPULATIONS~! -HEAVENLY ROCKERS VS. THE NEW, NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS- COLE Now, bear with us on this one. It's the Heavenly Rockers, formerly The Saints, versus the New, New Midnights. If The Heavenly Rockers win, they get their name and other rights back from Jim Cornette. If they lose, The Heavenly Rockers are gone and Holly-Wood must become Narcissistic Ned's 'love slave' for 90 days. CABOOSE If she can last that long. COLE Oh, please. !~THE DEBUT OF THE PRINCE~! -PRINCE KILLINGS VS. BROCK AUSSTIN- COLE And also at Anglemania, the much heralded debut of Prince Killings will take place. He's been nothing less than controversial in recent weeks. But he may get his comeuppance against Brock Ausstin. CABOOSE Yeah, we'll see how much Mr 'Wrestling Is Pathetic' turns his nose up, when Brock Ausstin takes care of him. COACH I like Killings. *SMACK!* COACH STOP HITTING ME!! *DOUBLE-SMACK!* COACH Nevermind. *"The Wall" hits and Alfdogg makes his way to the ring to a big pop.* COLE: And here comes Alfdogg with his big announcement! Alf: "you know, when I was eliminated from the Royal Rumble back in January, I thought it would be the last time I ever set foot in the OAOAST. I thought I had shut up all my doubters, all those people who, for three years now, have said "Alf is the worst drawing champ in OAOAST history." People would take shots at me on commentary, even special guests, such as Jim Cornette, would be fed jokes to tell at my expense. And I look down in the front row, and I notice that Mr. Cornette has taken the time out of his busy OVW schedule to catch some OAOAST action. And I just happen to have this clip with me, so let's play it on the screen here, director, roll the footage." ***FLASHBACK to the Great Angle Bash, 6/25/04*** "Stand up, Mr. Cornette." *Jim Cornette stands up and gets a warm reception from the nation's capital.* "Security, allow Mr. Cornette to come into the ring." *Cornette makes his way up the steps, and Alf holds the ropes open for him.* Alf: "Mr. Cornette, just to show you that there's no hard feelings for said clip, you're about the experience the thrill of your life. I normally don't do this, but you're about to stand right in the center of this ring while I cut my promo. You see, I still watch the OAOAST from my home, and I see Caboose down there on commentary, and how he can't seem to resist his little cheap shots at me. I don't remember you being this outspoken when we went face-to-face back at Anglepalooza, Caboose! You're pretty big and bad behind a microphone, but maybe you were just in too much awe to be face-to-face with Alfdogg to talk your usual smack. And now, I see you and CWM are coming back for AngleMania IV. Well guess what, you two...you're not coming back alone." *big pop* "You see, I placed a call to an old friend last week, after HeldDOWN. Another guy, who, like me, is an OAOAST LEGEND. Another guy, who like me, his achievements have always been shortchanged and underappreciated, despite all the blood, sweat, and tears we put into making the OAOAST the best damn e-fed on the 'net!" *bigger pop* "And CWM, and Caboose, whether you like it or NOT, we put a hell of a lot more of our blood, a hell of a lot more sweat, and a hell of a lot more tears into this than either of you EVER WILL." *mixed reaction* "But despite all this, despite all the disrespect we've received, all the underappreciation for our accomplishments, after our phone conversation, and after a conversation between me and Mr. Watts, we're going to give those blood, sweat, and tears for these people ONE LAST TIME." *HUGE POP OMG* "And just a small sample of what you'll see this Sunday..." *Alf snatches Cornette's tennis racket from his hand and LAYS OUT CORNETTE WITH IT!!!* COLE: NO!!! WHAT THE HELL!!! THAT'S JIM CORNETTE, DAMN YOU!!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR??? "So keep making all your stale little jokes, just remember this Sunday, at AngleMania IV...things...just...got...DEADLIER." *Alf throws the mic down* COACH: But WHO??? WHO will Alf be facing this Sunday at AngleMania IV??? *"The Wall" hits as Alf departs the ring with a smirk on his face, as EMTs rush past him to check on Cornette, who is still out cold in the ring.* *commercial*

"Turn the damn camera on!" The camera focuses on an irate face of Crystal and a furious face of Gunner. CRYSTAL And keep it on! Axel, how DARE you think you can beat me! You never have, and you never will! You are absolutely nothing Axel. If it wasn't for me, where would you be? Rotting in some piss poor Detroit independant wrestling company, that's where! GUNNER You were nothing before Crystal Axel, and you know it! Hell, you were nothing without me or AJ either, but especially me! I was the one who saved your ass everytime your big mouth got you in trouble. CRYSTAL And I was the reason why anyone cared about what you had to say. Do you think I'm all talk and no action? Hell, look back at just one year ago and Anglemania. Who won that match Gunner, between me and the so-called "Dark One"? GUNNER I believe that was the Crown Jewel of the OAOAST, Crystal! CRYSTAL And with that result, Axel is confident he'll win? Hell, he's confident that he'll even GET to his bullshit title match? Believe me Axel, by the time I'm done with you, Drek will walk all over you once he beats Hoff! You won't even be able to hobble down to the ring! GUNNER Hm, Crystal? I don't think he gets the point. CRYSTAL Maybe you're right Gunner. Camera boy, you stay right here. Crystal and Gunner get out of the camera's shot and returns with a frightened looking stage hand. STAGEHAND (whimpering) Please don't hurt me. CRYSTAL Don't worry, you're getting hurt for a greater cause. With that, Crystal delivers a viscous looking European uppercut! With the poor guy dazed, Crystal kicks him straight in the knee. She lifts his leg and pounds his knee into the ground! Crystal continues targetting that knee with ruthless stomps. CRYSTAL (calmly, while still stomping away) Gunner, will you hand me that chair over there? Gunner nods and hands it to her, both of them ignoring the cries of the stagehand. Crystal folds the chair and blasts it against the guy's same knee over and over and over again. COLE Somebody stop this! CRYSTAL Gunner, all yours. Gunner grins and grabs the stagehand by his injured knee and applies the Brocklock, putting the guy in even more pain. CRYSTAL (yelling over the painful screams in the backround) See Axel? Do you really think I'm full of smoke? You will not look over me, you will not defeat me, and I WILL HURT YOU! Cut the damn camera! *fzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt* When we retrieve the feed, we see a shot of Jim Cornette. CABOOSE Now, why would the cameraman actually cut the feed? COACH Good question, playa. Jim Cornette is standing in the ring, in front of the camera shooting from the apron, with a microphone in hand. In the background, referee Charles Robinson keeps the FRANKENSTEINERS in their corner. CORNETTE Ladies and gentlemen, here they are. Every woman's fantasy and every man's nightmare. Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned, the New New Midnight Express! Cornette tosses the mic back to Buffer. BUFFER And their opponents. Already in the ring, from Oklahoma, the Frankensteiners! The crowd boos as "Chase" hits. The New New Midnight Express jog to the ring making an "X" with their forearms. Jim Cornette holds the ropes up for Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned. Once in the ring, Simon and Ned follow James E. to their corner, where they remove their vests and hand them over to a ring attendent ringside. COLE We're set to go with a rematch from last week. It's going to be the New New Midnight Express vs. the Frankensteiners. For those of you who missed it, the Frankensteiners dominated last week's match with hard-hitting, high impact suplexes. After taking quite the beating in the opening minutes of the match, Jim Cornette and his men finally had enough and LEFT ringside. They were given a taste of what they were in for and said the hell with it. But just as the Frankensteiners were about to win by countout, Tiffany Ruutu and Logan "Usher" Mann -- the Heavenly Rockers -- made their return after being put out of action weeks back at the hands of the New New Midnight Expresss, and attacked Simon and Ned, causing a DQ. The Frankensteiners were none to happy with the decision and asked HeldDOWN~! General Manager Joise Baker for a rematch, which was granted for tonight. Narcissistic Ned stutter struts to the center of the ring, while his opponent, Frankie Frankensteiner, runs around him with his tongue hanging out, scarying the hell out of the Handsome Hustler. "You oughta be in a mental ward, not a wrestling ring!" Jim Cornette shouts from the floor. Frankie drops to all fours and begins barking and growling at Jim Cornette, who takes a few steps back after that warning. COACH I don't think he likes Jimmy Cornette. CABOOSE Frankie oughta be put down. Look at that man. Does he look like a wrestler to you? The crowd roars with concern as Narcissistic Ned takes advantage of the situation by connecting with a RUNNING KNEE to the side of Frankie's head, sending the older member of the Frankensteiners rolling towards the corner of the NNMX, whimpering in pain, holding his head. Ned uses the middle rope as a springboard to repeatedly drop the knee across the chest of Frankie. Ned springboards to the second rope again, this time coming down with an elbow drop. He scoopes Frankie up and slams him to the mat, then tags in Sarcastic Simon Singleton. The Sultan of Sarcasm, as he's known, goes to one of his favorite places in the ring -- the top. FLYING KNEEDROP! Cover made. ONE... TWO... T-- KICKOUT! Simon ensures Frankie stays down by applying a side headlock. He takes Frankie to his (Simon's) corner -- VICIOUS-LOOKING BACK SUPLEX BY FRANKIE! Narcissistic Ned and Jim Cornette groan from the outside, as Sarcastic Simon landed right on the back of his head. Simon is down on the mat, leaving Frankie has a clear path to tag in younger brother Frank. Frank catches Narcissistic Ned coming in with a kick to the midsection. He backs him against the ropes and whips him across the ring, where he takes him up and down with a MILITARY PRESS SLAM! CABOOSE Narcissistic Ned sacrificing himself so the Frankensteiners wouldn't be able to finish Simon off. That's experience at work right there. Frankie catches Simon trying to sneak up behind Frank, and delivers a stiff Steinerline. Frank hits Ned with one as well. Double-Steinerline on Singleton, then for Blanchard. The Frankensteiners Irish whip The Midnights, where Jim Cornette grabs both of their legs and pulls them out of the ring to regroup. The jacked up Frankensteiners play up to the roaring crowd in the ring. COLE For the second time in as many weeks, the Frankensteiners have dominated The New New New Midnight Express. They cannot match power with the brothers from Oklahoma. Jim Cornette gives Simon and Ned a big hug outside the ring. He pats Sarcastic Simon on the back as he steps back into the ring, where Frankie Frankensteiner awaits after making a tag with his brother. Frankie runs up to the center of the ring and raises his right hand into the air, challenging Sarcastic Simon to a test of strength. Simon puts his right hand up, only to have Frankie switch over to his left. Simon flips over to his left as well, only to have Frankie go back to his right. A bit puzzled, Simon goes along with it, changing back over to his right, only to have Frankie switch back again, drawing a laugh from the crowd! Sarcastic Simon has enough of the games and takes a big swing at Frankie's head. Luckily for him, he ducks and BITES SIMON IN THE ASS! Simon runs around the ring, screaming in pain, with Frankie still munching on his ass. Narcissisistic Ned runs in, and Frankie shoves him into Sarcastic Simon, then takes a BITE OUT OF NED'S ASS! The Midnights stagger towards the center of the ring, rubbing their buttocks, while Frankie hits the ropes and knocks them both off their feet with a Steinerline (Clothesline)! Ned rolls out of the ring while Simon remains down on his back. Frankie brings Simon back to his feet and rocks him against the ropes with hard right hands to the forehead. Simon grabs a handful of tights and tosses Frankie through the ropes, to the floor. Frankie quickly gets up and climbs to the top. Reeling from those right hands, Simon drops to one knee and tries shaking off the cobwebs. Blanchard and Cornette do their best to warn Simon, but the Sultan of Sarcasm turns around into a FLYING STEINERLINE. Frankie lands on his feet, and tags Frank. Frank clubbers Singleton's back with a hard forearm shot, then double-underhooks the arms. TIGER BOMB! ONE... TWO... TH-- KICKOUT! Frank lifts Simon up and fires him into the ropes. TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM! The fans rise to their feet as Frank twirls his index finger in the air. That can only mean one thing: Frankensteiner! He whips Si-- No, Simon reverses the Irish whip attempt. BOOM! Jim Cornette HITS FRANK IN THE BACK with the TENNIS RACKET. Frank stumbles back towards the center of the ring, doubled over. Sarcastic Simon comes out of the corner and connects with a SWINGING NECKBREAKER. Singleton steps onto the apron and starts climbing to the top. He balances himself on the top rope... LEGDROP! Simon covers Frank, hooking the leg. ONE... TWO... THRE-- KICKOUT! Frank just got the shoulder up. Tagged made by Express. Narcissistic Ned immediately goes to work on Frank, dropping a couple of quick elbows before picking Frank up and tucking him between his legs and spiking his head into the mat. PILEDRIVER! He rolls Frankensteiner on his back and makes sure to hook the leg. ONE... TWO... THRE-- FRANKIE BREAKS UP THE COUNT! COLE Frankie came in and kicked Ned, saving his partner -- well, he's more than a partner, it's his brother he saved from getting pinned. Ned baits Frankie into in the ring, forcing the referee to turn his back from the action in the ring, allowing Simon and Ned some time for illegal double-teaming. The two men stomp Frankensteiner, with Sarcastic Simon managing to find time to stomp Frank's groin. By the time the ref gets Frankie out of the ring, the damage has been done. Frank, holding his nut sack, is caught in a front facelock applied by Narcissistic Ned. Instead of going for his finisher, the Slingshot Suplex, Blanchard connects with just a standing vertical suplex. Still a very painful maneuver, especially since Frank was just hit low moments ago. Ned rushes to his corner to make the tag. He waits as Sarcastic Simon heads to the top. Blanchard throws Simon off the top and onto Frank. THE ROCKET LAUNCHER! COACH They hit it. COLE Indeed they did. A very noble effort put forth by the Frankensteiners, but at the end of the day, the experience and ring savvyness of the New New Midnight Express just proved to be too much. ONE... TWO... THRE-- NO, KICKOUT! COLE I spoke too soon! It's not over yet. I don't know how Frank managed to find the strength to kickout. Cornette can't believe. Ned can't believe. Simon can't believe. Not even Frankie can believe it. Frankie urges the fans to make some noise, slapping the top turnbuckle...WITH HIS HEAD! From his knees, Simon pounds Frank with right hands. He scoopes Frankensteiner up -- but Frank floats over the top and clamps on FULL NELSON! RELEASE DRAGON SUPLEX! COLE Oh, my! Both men are down. Now can Frank make the tag? COACH But let's not forget the bigger picture -- Simon has landed on his head twice tonight. CABOOSE This is exactly what Jim Cornette feared -- one of his men injuried days before the biggest night of the year. Frank makes the long crawl on his belly towards his corner. Simon is just now beginning to stir, in obvious pain as he clutches his neck. Narcissistic Ned jumps into the ring and knocks Frankie off the ring apron with a back elbow, then drags Frank back towards the NNMX's corner. Simon makes the tag to Ned. Narcissistic Ned signals the end as he sets Frank up for the Slingshot Suplex. Ned tries lifting Frank up, but Frank blocks it by sticking his right leg between Ned's. Blanchard repeatedly drives the knee into the ribs before attempting to lift Frank up again. This time Frank stuns Ned with a PLAM SLAP to the gut and lifts Blanchard up and drops square on his head (which literally bounces off the mat) for the STEINER SCREWDRIVER! "HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!" COLE His neck may be broken! COACH That was one of the sickest-looking moves I've ever seen. No way Ned gets up from that. CABOOSE I beg to differ. If anything, Ned is fortunate to be relatively fresh. Unlike Simon, who would probably be dead after already being dropped on his head twice, Ned hasn't taken a huge amount of punishment. Believe me, he's feeling pain, but I think he's lucky he hasn't sustained a large amount of damage like Simon has. COLE Well, I can't believe any man would get up from that, but you are a wrestler, former two-time Heavyweight Champion of the World, who'll come out of retirement this Sunday night at AngleMania IV, so you know what you're talking about. Frank is too hurt to make the cover, as he fell backwards after hitting the Steiner Screwdriver. Narcissistic Ned is lying flat on his back, barely moving his arms and legs. Frank rolls on his stomach and dramatically crawls to his corner, the cheers from the fans driving him at this point. Frankie stretches his arm out as far as it can go before legally being declared Stretch Armstrong. HOT TAG! The fans EXPLODE as the loveable Frankie Frankensteiner enters the ring. If not for Sarcastic Simon coming in to meet him, Frankie would of easily pinned Narcissistic Ned. Frankie and Simon trade blows in the middle of the ring. Singleton stops Frankie with a thumb to the eye. He grabs Frankie's left arm and whips him to the ropes. Frankie ducks under a clothesline attempt and catches Sarcastic Simon MIDAIR WITH A POWERSLAM as Simon tried to leapfrog over him. COLE POWERSLAM! CABOOSE That's the move. That's the move that put the New New Midnight Express away 8 weeks ago! ONE... TWO... THRE-- NO! Amazingly, Narcissistic Ned managed to drop a double-axehandle across the back of Frankie. The Midnights pick Frankie up and shoot him into the ropes. DOUBLE FLAPJACK! FRANKIE GETS RIGHT BACK UP! The Midnights lock their hands together and charge Frankie with a double-clothesline, only to have him duck underneath and charge right back at them and connect with a leaping STEINERLINE...TO CHARLES ROBINSON! COLE Oh, no! The referee is down. Simon and Ned, who still doesn't look all that there after taking that vicious suplex into a piledriver, missed a double-clothesline and Frankie, that loveable goon, went to hit them with one, but Simon and Ned moved out of the way and it ended up being referee Charles Robinson who took the Frankensteiner version of the clothesline. Let's keep an eye on Jim Cornette; he'll no doubt try to use this to his advantage. After checking on the referee Frankie turns around gets hit with another DOUBLE FLAPJACK, one that keeps him down this time. The New New Midnight Express once again go for the Rocket Launcher, but FRANK comes to his brother's aid and catches Narcissistic Ned with a Steinerline. He nails Sarcastic Simon on the top with a stinging right hand to the gut, then swipes his feet away, causing Singleton to land hard on the top turnbuckle. Frank climbs to the second rope and OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEXES Simon off the top! Singleton bounces a couple of inches off the mat and rolls out of the way, as Frank catches a charging Narcissistic Ned with a POWERSLAM! The adrealine is running wild through Frank's body. He stomps around the ring cursing a storm and pumping his fists. He picks Blanchard up and hoists him on his shoulders. Frankie sprints to the corner, his back facing the turnbuckles and climbs to the top rope. Frankie leaps off and locks his right arm around Blanchard's neck, driving him head-first into the canvas. TOP ROPE BULLDOG! He covers Ned, but there's no referee. COLE One, two, three, four, five... You can count to ten, but the referee is still out. Frank walks over to Charles Robinson and slaps the top of his head, trying to snap his out of it. The crowd murmurs as JIM CORNETTE sneaks into the ring with his TENNIS RACKET cocked. Cornette tip-toes behind Frank... COLE FRANK! BEHIND YOU! BEHIND YOU, FRANK! TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND! ...POW! Frank falls through the ropes, to the arena floor. Cornette celebrates his actions by jumping up and down, swinging his racket above his head. Frankie walks up to Cornette and BITES HIM IN THE ASS. COACH Talk about taking a bite out of crime. COLE Cornette should be thanking his lucky stars he's wearing dark pants tonight. Frankie releases his bite on Cornette's tushy to back bodydrop a running Sarcastic Simon, then Steinerline him. Cornette bails out of the ring with his hands over his buttocks. Frankie whips a charging Narcissistic Ned into the corner, where he climbs to the second rope and drives his fist into the forehead; the crowd counting along with every punch. Jim Cornette steps back into the ring and clobbers Frankie from behind with the racket. Frankie falls forward, the only thing keeping him from falling over is his hand holding the hook that connects the turnbuckles to the ringpost. COACH Charles Robinson had his head down, so he couldn't see what Cornette did, though he damn sure heard it. Still, the rulebook says a referee must see said illegal activity take place before calling a DQ, and he didn't see it. Narcissistic Ned waistlocks Frankie and leans him out backwards, to where Frankie's upper body is exposed. Sarcastic Simon comes off the top with a LEGDROP. THE VEGOMATIC! Suddenly, a CHEER. The Midnights and Cornette stop everything they're doing and search around the arena, a look of concern on their faces. The 3 rotate around the ring with their their leaned backs against one another, that way they can't be blindsided. Simon and Ned have their fists up, Cornette his racket. They finally spot the area in which everybody inside has turned their attention to. THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS, once again wearing leather pants and jackets, are making their way to the ring, through the crowd. CABOOSE Just like Black T; they can't attack you face-to-face. Simon and Ned are ready, though. Cornette hides behind his men as the Heavenly Rockers enter the ring. A brawl ensues with the two teams who'll be involved in the "Game, Set, Match" at AngleMania IV. The Midnights rake the Heavenly Rockers' eyes, then fire them to the ropes. Unwisely, they drop their heads, allowing Tiffany Ruutu, formerly known as Synth Esizer, and Logan "Usher" Mann to clamp on front facelocks and connect with PERCUSSION (DDT)! NO! Sarcastic Simon experienced Percussion, but Narcissistic Ned used his left-arm to hit Logan below the belt. Blanchard knocks Tiffany off his feet with a ROUNDHOUSE KICK. Narcissistic Ned turns around... ...LEFT HOOK! Logan caught Blanchard with that wicked left hook of his. Groggy, the Handsome Hustler drops to one knee and gets right back up, struggling to maintain his balance. Mann with a kick to the midsection, front facelocking the head. Logan feeds off the energy being given to him by the cheers of the fans. BAM! Caught up in the moment, Logan completely forgot about Jim Cornette, who just blasted Mann across the back with the racket. Logan inhales deeply before sharply turning around and staring into the eyes of his former manager. Cornette backs away, asking Logan to show some mercy. Which'll be hard considering he's the man who stole everything from him and Tiffany. Narcissistic Ned nails Logan from behind with a karate kick to the ribcage. Blanchard holds Mann up for Cornette. With glee in his eyes Cornette taps his racket on the mat and swings for the fences. Mann back-kicks Ned in the groin and James E. ends up CLOBBERING NED UPSIDE THE HEAD WITH THE RACKET, much to the delight of the crowd. And the hits keep on coming, as Logan grabs Cornette by his pink tie and smacks his jaw with a WICKED LEFT HOOK! Cornette, like his tennis racket, flops in the air and rolls out of the ring. COLE About time somebody shut off that loud-mouth jerk! The Heavenly Rockers drag Frankie on top of Narcissisitc Ned, then flee through the crowd, smacking hands with many of the fans as they fade into the crowd. Charles Robinson slowly crawls over to Frankie and Narcissistic Ned. ONE... TWO... THREE! * DING DING DING DING * BUFFER You winners: THE FRANKENSTEINERS! "Frankenstein" cues up, as the camera pulls back to reveal all the carnage: Frankie Frankensteiner, Sarcastic Simon, Narcissistic Ned, and Jim Cornette all laid out in the ring. Cut outside, where Frank Frankensteiner, on his knees, uses the bottom rope to pull himself back into the ring. Referee Mickey Jay rushes out from the back to check on Charles Robinson. Frank embraces his brother with a weak smile on his face. COLE The Frankensteiners have once again defeated the New New Midnight Express. What a wild match, guys. CABOOSE It was, but it didn't come without a price. The worst thing that could happen for Jim Cornette did -- the New New Midnight Express took a heck of a beating, with Sarcastic Simon and Narcissistic Ned both taking a huge amount of punishment. Mickey Jay leaves Charles and walks over to ring announcer Michael Buffer, whispering into his ear. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention please. I have been informed by referee Micky Jay, that after discussions with the referee in-charge of this bout, Charles Robinson, the official decision has been reversed. Therefore, the winners of the match, as a result of a disqualficiation...THE NEW NEW MIDNIGHT EXPRESS! BOOOOOOOO! COLE What?! CABOOSE Coach touched on it eariler. Charles never saw Simon hit Frank with the chair, but he saw what the Heavenly Rockers did. Frank holds his arms out, shouting why. Frankie looks just as confused, sitting on his knees with his hands on his head. Frank becomes more and more vocal and physically uncontrolable, making Mickey Jay uncomfortable to be in the same ring with him, so he calmly walks over to the ropes and places one leg on the apron before having Frank pull him back into the ring by his pants. Frank shakes Mickey by the collar, screaming at him. Mickey tries to explain the ruling -- OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX! Frank mounts over him and bashes his forearm across Jay's face. OAOAST officials run out from the back to help, but Frank clobbers each one with stiff forearm shots. Frankie, on all fours, crawls over to Mickey and lifts his leg up, simulating taking a wiz. Officials finally get the Frankies to leave, allowing them to check on Mickey Jay, who has an open wound over his left eye. The fans aren't sure what to make of the Frankensteiners violent streak. Nobody has ever seen them like this before. The Frankensteiners walk up the rampway, still being poured with cheers but also some audible boos. COLE Oh, God. I can understand their frustration, but they shouldn't have taken it out on Mickey Jay. He's just a referee, for Christssake. The man was only doing his job, and while I'm one of the many who disagree with the reversal, he didn't deserve that. CABOOSE Frank just snap. He was overcome with rage. People talk about them having not made their mark in the OAOAST...they did tonight. ANGLEMANIA IV SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY! ORDER! ORDER! ORDER NOW!

Alix Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan are backstage and are engaged in a leisurely chat. ALIX I put my basket out and I left you carrots and a video tape of Michael’s Cole Christmas party strip tease, in case you’re into that sort of thing, and The Tooth Fairy told me you were, but you didn’t give leave me any candy and I was berry berry upset! KRISTA For the last freaking time, Alix, I’m not really the Easter Bunny! I faked it! It was a trap to lure $cotty to the ring so I could get the jump on him. ALIX You faked being The Easter Bunny? You suck! KRISTA (doing a neck snap) Well, your mom certainly didn’t seem to mind that last night. As the champs argue of who is and who isn’t the Easter Bunny, Josh “J.Math” Matthews walks by, wearing the same god damn Anglemania baseball jersey that’s he’s been wearing for the past three weeks. CHANGE YOUR SHIRT, BRO! Krista and Alix decide to stop him. KRISTA & ALIX Hi Josh! JOSH Um, hello girls...ladies...women..er womyn...spelled m-y-n instead of m-e-n. KRISTA Just call us Kris and A, beautiful. How’s our favorite journalist in the whole wide world doing on this wonderful Thursday evening? JOSH I’m your favorite wrestling journalist? ALIX Oh, Josh, please! Didn’t you h-e-r-e the woman? You’re our favorite journalist period. JOSH (blushing) I am? ALIX Sure! If I could make you into an STD, I’d make you herpes, because I want you to be with me forever. Forget CNN, baby, you’re my most trusted source of news! I used to think Cokie Roberts was way hot, but you make her look like the maggot filled corpse of Walter Cronkite. You can get the inside scoop on me anytime, Josh! JOSH Really?!! KRISTA Oh yeah. But first you gotta tell us something. See we like to get things straight, well we like to get some things straight, and last week we couldn’t help but notice that you told GPX that you were rooting for them in the tag title match at Anglemania. Now, I saw the footage but I’m having a hard time believing you would chose them over your favorite tag team in the world, Chicks Over Dicks. Joshua, would you be so kind as to alleviate my worries? Who do you want to retain the tag team titles at Anglemania? JOSH You of course! KRISTA A wise answer, Josh. Because as Hillary Duff would sing in a song that my daughter made me listen to six times over on the car ride to my mother’s house in Santa Monica, GPX is So Yesterday. They are about to become like The National Hockey League, VCRs, The 24/7 title, and any D-12 member not named Eminem...irrelevant. Here lies the problem with the Global Party Exchange, over confidence. If they think they can waltz into Anglemania, dance their little dance, and do their little thing, while grabbing their little things, if you’re picking up what I’m putting down, and win the tag titles then they will encounter the type of rude awakening that will make Rick Rude pop out of his grave, come down to the Trump Plaza, beat Tony Brannigan’s ass for being a third rate knock off him, march down to that ring look at GPX, look at Alix and I, look back at GPX, look back at Alix and I, then look back at GPX and say “Damn! Now that’s a Rude Awakening!”. (looking at the camera to address GPX) Boys, you thought you could cheat you’re way to win the Anderson Cup. You did. You had to cheat to beat a pair of ex strippers, our former slaves, and Black T, a team we’ve beat more times then you beat off in a night, Johnny Jackson. You must be very proud of yourselves. Then you got on the mic and ran your fool mouths like idiots, thinking, incorrectly, that the crowd would be on your side no matter what. But they turned on you like you were laced in salmonella wrap. You used to have it all. Now you have nothing, and all your actions and words have done is put you in between a bullet and a target. And we are that bullet, and you will not be pulling yourself out of the way in time. I guarantee you this. JOSH Do you guys wanna grab a bite to eat after the show? KRISTA Go play in traffic, dork. *CUT TO SOFA CENTRAL* COACH Playas, Anglemania is this Sunday but the weekend is all about the AM. You can catch Alix Spezia on The Tonight show this Friday in a show that’s sure to incur a mass of FCC fines. Her more normal partner, Krista, will be on Good Morning America tomorrow morning. "Generic rip off of Machine Head" plays, and the announcers fill us in. COLE Well now its time for one of our AngleMania Main Eventers to showcase his talents against one of this company’s premier Enhancement wrestlers! CABOOSE Michael, it’s a jobber. COLE Tom “Capital” Goran is a brilliant technical wrestler who is just waiting for his opportunity in this company! CABOOSE Oh, yeah? What’s his main claim to fame? COLE Um… ahhh… CABOOSE Exactly. COACH I’m picking Axel to win! He’s bigger! CABOOSE … COLE Let’s just get on with this, thank you for spoiling… BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! COLE That’ll knock your socks off! “Down with the Sickness” begins to blare as the fans give a rousing ovation for the number one contender. Axel steps out from behind the curtain, obviously fired up, he acknowledges both sides of the crowd, running to each side of the entrance ramp and greeting the fans, who respond in kind. He runs to the middle of the ramp, points at the left crowd, the right crowd, and then with two fingers at the ring… BOOM! The pyro explodes as Axel strikes the Crucifix Pose! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! From Hobart Tasmania, Australia, weighing in at Two Hundred Fifty-five pounds, he is the Number One Contender to the OAOAST Championship at AngleMania Four! Ladies and Gentlemen, THIS. IIIIIIIIIIIISSSSS… AAAAAAAAAXEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL!!!!! COLE Axel is fired up tonight! Axel runs to the ring and slides in, but is quickly jumped by Tom Goran in a move that shocks everyone! COLE Tom Goran just jumped Axel! Right hands! Tom Goran attempts to ground Axel with right hands, but Axel shoves Goran halfway across the ring! Axel gets to his knees and Goran charges again… but axel takes him down with a HARD clothesline! COACH Wow, Axel almost took Goran’s head off! Axel looks down at Goran, who is now clutching his head, and removes his leather coat. He lifts Goran up to his feet and signals for the end!!?!??? COLE What, already? Axel hoists Goran over his shoulder and looks art the crowd, who are all on their feet, witnessing his dominance. Axel puts Goran in a Tombstone position… …and delivers DARK ROYALTY! COACH My god! Dark Royalty to Tom Goran! Axel places a hand on his chest! ONE! TWO! THREE!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!” COLE How dominant! The bell rings and Axel stands above his fallen opponent, with the referee raising his hand high into the air. “Down with the Sickness” barely stops playing, when… A Dope song plays, but not the one that we’re used to. No, this time its ‘Sick’. Axel looks over to the entrance ramp, where a large man throws open the curtain, dressed in an orange jumpsuit. COLE Gunner Sharps is here! GUNNER Cut my brand new music, available on the OAOAST Soundtrack! COACH Well, may as well get plugs in where we can. GUNNER Axel, come on man, you disappoint me! You come out here to prove a point, and that point is that you can beat up a jobber? Well man, you sure showed Tom Goran! Good job! Gunner gives a thumbs up to Axel, who seems flabbergasted by Gunner’s sudden personality. GUNNER I bet you were surprised to see me last week come to the aid of a poor, defenceless, damsel in distress, weren’t you? You think I forgot about how you treated Crystal last year? Huh? You think I forgave you for walking out on me and AJ before AJ got his back broken? AJ may have, but I sure as hell didn’t. Axel, you don’t deserve anything that you have obtained over the past few months. Those opportunities deserve to go to one person… Crystal. She is the most popular wrestler in the OAOAST. The fans LOVE her! The crowd responds unfavourably to Gunner’s last comment, a small “SHE’S A CRACK WHORE!” chant going up, but quickly defused when Gunner speaks again. GUNNER Bottom line is Axel, on Sunday, Crystal will beat you, and then Drek Stone will beat you, after Drek beats that undeserving hack, Hoff. As Popick loves to say so frequently, “That’s the truth, Ruth!” But now, I want a little rematch of Living Angleously last year. How about it, old friend? The Dark One and The Enforcer, one on one? Axel chuckles to himself and grabs a microphone from the timekeeper. AXEL Heh, you’re one funny guy Gunner. Hilarious. I think Leo Rosten said it best when he said “I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe.” I cannot comprehend how you would come to such a conclusion, that Crystal will beat me, and that Drek Stone will beat me. Sad thing is Gunner, you really believe it. And so do others, like Drek Stone, and like Crystal. Now, I just had a match, and I won, so I won’t bother getting the bell rung again. But if you want to come down to this ring and get your three hundred pound carcass beaten all over this ring, feel free man. Come get some pain. Gunner, seething at Axel’s comments, throws down the microphone and walks to the ring, obviously ready to explode. The crowd wait in anticipation of the fight, but then change their sound to a slight ‘turn around you silly Australian’ pop! COLE Look out! Crystal is here with a steel chair! Axel turns around, and Crystal swings wildly at her AngleMania opponent…. …but Axel ducks! The velocity at which Crystal swings the chair causes it to fly out of her hands, leaving her alone in the ring with Axel! She turns around to face him, the fear present in her eyes. COACH A preview of AngleMania! Axel, a smile on his face, says something to Crystal, but Gunner is soon in the ring, and lands a right hand on Axel! Irish Whip by Gunner Axel reverses, and hits a SPINEBUSTAHHH!~! On Gunner Sharps to a massive pop! Crystal tries to escape the ring, but Axel is there to meet her! COLE There’s nowhere to run! Nowhere to hide! Crystal’s going to get what coming to- wait a minute! Axel grabs Crystal and attempts to lift her up for an Axel Slam, but suddenly gets a double axe handle in the back, courtesy of the OAOAST Champion, Drek Stone! CABOOSE Ha-ha! The Champ is here! Axel lifts his head after the blow and turns around to face Drek, having not been affected by the shot. Axel and Drek come face to face, which causes the crowd to eagerly snap away with their cameras at this potential Main Event preview! The two men begin to jaw jack, and they appear to be about to fight… …but Axel gets cut down by a low blow, courtesy of Crystal! COLE No! We were about to see a preview! CABOOSE This IS a preview! A preview of what’s going to happen to Axel at AngleMania! Axel falls to the canvas clutching his nether region, and Crystal and Drek take the initiative, putting the boots to their opponent! Gunner Sharps is soon to his feet as well, and he joins in on the beating, making it three on one! COLE This is a sick display! Axel may not even make it to AngleMania! Cue: “Black” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAHHH!!!!!!” The packed crowd go POSITIVELY APESHIT as Hoff sprints to the ring! COLE Hoff is here, and he wants some of Drek! Hoff slides into the ring where Gunner is the first to meet him. Hoff ducks under a clothesline from Gunner, and PLANTS him with a ROCK BOTTOM! Crystal is next, she runs at Hoff and lands three hard forearms to the side of the big mans head, putting him up against the ropes! She then charges at Hoff, but Hoff ducks, and The Female Phenom goes sailing over the top rope! COACH Hoff is cleaning house!! Drek, meanwhile, has Axel to his feet and has The Dark One in a front face lock, ready to deliver The Stonecutter! But Axel reverses and Drek charges, but Axel lands a clothesline! Axel and Hoff look each other in the eye, and Hoff gives Axel the signal to finish the Champ! “YEEEEEEEAH!” COACH The Champion is in the ring with his two potential opponents for AngleMania! COLE Yeah! Do it! Axel tries the Axel Slam, but Drek again gets out of it and turns to the other side of the ring… …where he is PLANTED by a HOFF SPINEBUSTER! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!!” “HOFF! HOFF! AX-EL! AX-EL!” CABOOSE No! That isn’t fair! Hoff, obviously happy with the work that he has done, looks down at the fallen Champion, who is pulled to safety by Gunner and Crystal. Hoff then turns around… …and goes face to face with Axel. COLE Wow. Heres another two combustible elements right here! The two men have a stare down, with the crowd split 50/50, Hoff chants replaced by Axel chants replaced by Hoff chants, and so on and so forth. CABOOSE Why don’t these two beat the crap out of each other like everyone else? Axel and Hoff continue to stare each other down, with neither wanting to make the first move. The crowd are electric, and the two continue to talk to each other, finally with both men… …backing away? COACH These two aren’t going to fight tonight! COLE They want to wait until AngleMania! CABOOSE They are total pussies! Axel and Hoff back away to a reasonable distance of each other, and each man’s head slowly turns to face Crystal, Gunner and Drek on the ramp. They stare a hole in their AngleMania opponents, with Drek getting the message loud and clear. COLE Both of these men are gunning for Drek Stone on Sunday! Who will be successful? The shot focuses clearly on the bright, burning eyes of both #1 contenders... *commercial*

*TV screens across America momentarily turn black. In white print on the bottom right hand corner of the screen it says “Godsmack Whatever From the Godsmack LP” And then the music begins as it shows a clip of The 70s Dude from his promo in front of the Roller Disco* And I wonder, Day to Day. (70s Dude in the ring on the mic) I don’t like you anyway. (Calvin interrupts the promo) And I don’t need your shit today (Calvin runs down the aisle towards the ring) You’re pathetic, in your own way. (The 70s Dude slides out of the ring and backs away down the ramp) I feel for you… (Calvin in the back for an interview) Better fucking go away (The Dude slams the Disco ball over Cal’s head) I will be here (The Dude watches in the ring as the School Bus plows into his van) Better Fucking Go Away! (The Dude looks shocked as Calvin emerges from the School Bus) I’m doing the best I ever did (The Dude and Calvin exchanging quick punches at Zero Hour) I’m doing the best that I can (The Dude lifts Gary Cappetta and military presses him before dropping him on Calvin) I’m doing the best I ever did… (The Dude pushes Cappetta away and receives a chair-shot to the head) I don’t need to fantasise (Calvin stands in the ring on the mic at HeldDown) You are my pet, all the time (Calvin turns his attention to the Titan Tron where his dressing room is shown in shambles and a message left on the wall by The 70s Dude) I don’t mind if you go blind. (The 70s Dude laughing during an interview in the back) You get what you get (Calvin forcing The Dude out of his own dressing room with stiff rights) Until you’re through with mine! (Calvin and The Dude brawl in the back before being split apart by security) I feel for you… Better fucking go away (Brock Ausstin interview is interrupted by Jackie running from around the corner) I will be here… You better fucking go away! (Calvin is seen laying flat on his stomach beside a discarded steel-chair with a dent in it) I feel for you… (The 70s Dude makes his way out and poses atop the ramp) Better fucking go away (Calvin runs out with a steel chair and levels him) I will be here… (The 70s Dude escapes into the crowd as Calvin narrowly misses striking a fan with the chair) You better go away! (Calvin looks at the Dude while being restrained) I’m doing the best I ever did (Back to the footage of Zero Hour; The Dude is shown pulling a wraparound neckbreaker out of nowhere on Calvin) I’m doing the best that I can (The 70s Dude hits a Tornado DDT off the guardrail on Calvin) I’m doing the best I ever did (Calvin sets The 70s Dude up and nails a top rope Clash for the pin at Zero Hour) Now go away! (The two men stare at one another after being split apart by security during that backstage brawl, then it clips to Calvin raising his arm in victory at Zero Hour) *The video ends and the cameras refocus to Triple-C at Sofa Center* Cole: These two men get it on once again, this time in a Texas Death Match, live this Sunday at Anglemania IV! Call your PPV provider and be there for this and all the great action! Coach Alright, According to my time sheet we've got an interview next. Cole Who is it? Coach Well it's...oh my. Caboose Spit it out you idiot. Cole Let me see it, Wow. It's an Interview with... The Lights go out and a mist fills the entranceway. Caboose What's going on here? Slowly building up the opening chords of You Know You're Right By Nirvana echo through the building... "I would never bother you I would never promise to I will never follow you I will never bother you Never say a word again I will crawl away for good" Coach It's CWM yo'! Keep your cool Caboose. As the mist clears CWM appears in the entranceway to MASSIVE boo's and chants of "SELL OUT!", CWM sneers at the fans and swaggers down to ringside. Caboose He looks confident now, but just wait until Anglemania. CWM rolls into the ring and mounts the Turnbuckle. He looks with contempt at the fans and raises his fist. A half full Diet Coke misses his head by a few inches as the fans voice their dissaproval. Cole They really are not happy with CWM. CWM takes a mic and goes to speak but the fans overwhelm him with chants of "Sell Out". Finally the fans quiet down enough to let him speak. CWM You ungrateful Son's of B****** better shut up right now! Cole I don't think that's the way to get the fans to shut up. Coach Fo shizzle. Caboose Shut up morons, I want to hear what CWM has to say for himself. CWM I'm out here tonight for a simple reason. And no it's not to talk to play word games with you peons. The Fans start chanting "Za-ck! ZA-CK!" CWM Nice guess but you're still wrong. I'm out here because I want to talk to...Caboose! Cole It's a trap, Caboose. CWM Come on Caboose, come on down here and talk to me. Coach Yeah like Caboose is going to fall fo...Hey uh...where'd he go? The Fans EXPLODE as Caboose emerges from the back and makes his way to the ring. Caboose walks right past CWM and grabs a mic. Caboose Alright. Talk. CWM Hey, C'mon 'boose, relax. I'm not setting you up for something. You can trust me. Caboose Just like Zack could trust you? CWM grimaces and a look of anger comes over his face briefly but he hides it quickly and smiles at Caboose. CWM That's different. Zack Malibu never gave a damn about me. He used me, just like he's trying to use you. All I did last week was take my rightful place. Myself, Tony, and Dan Black are the men responsible for the OAOAST. I sat on the sidelines for a year watching Zack monoploize MY federation, I watched him claim to be part of the "Original" Elite. There's nothing Original OR Elite about Zack Malibu. In fact Zack Malibu is no better than POPICK! Coach & Cole together OOOH. Caboose Zack Malibu has done more for this company than you ever did. He never abandoned it like you did either! CWM ABANDON?! I didn't abandon the OAOAST. Oh no, do you people want to know the real truth? Zack Malibu FORCED me out of the OAOAST! Coach What is he talking about? He must be back on the sauce! CWM My contract was up for renewal with the OAOAST board after Anglemania last year and Zack used his money and influence to make sure that I wasn't resigned. He SCREWED me out of the one thing I love in this life; wrestling. And you...you critisize me for turning on him, Caboose? If it wasn't for Tony and Dan Black, the REAL power in the OAOAST, bringing me back, I'd still be living on the street! Caboose I don't believe a word out of your mouth anymore CWM, you've proven that you're worthless. CWM's face has been turning beet red as he ranted about Zack, but he forces himself to take a deep breath, and as he continues is noticeably calmer. CWM How can you say that to me Caboose? How can you call me worthless? After all you're just like me! Cole What is he talking about? CWM Think about it Caboose. You and I we've both been to the top of the hill. We've sipped Champagne off the bodies of Super models and swam in money. But we've both also been down in the gutter, left with nothing but our fists and our anger. You and I...we're self made men. We broke into this business together in the aWo (The Crowd pops huge at the mention of the famed stable) and now look around, Anglesault, Goodhelmet, Bigmclargehuge, Some Guy, Angle-Plex, Sandman9000...they're all gone. We are the only men left of the greatest stable in the history of this business. The aWo wasn't just a stable, it was a way of life, a philosphy, a pact! You remember our motto don't you? Caboose The aWo...4 eva. I remember it, and I remember the aWo like it was yesterday. CWM Exactly! You and I owe each other a loyalty. That's why I called you out here. I want you to join Black T and I. Together the four of us can bring back the glory days, just like when we were in the aWo. We can make everyone remember that WE are the reason the OAOAST exists. Will you join us? Caboose looks at the fans as they scream at him to make the right choice. Coach You don't think Caboose is listening to him do you? CWM extends his hand to Caboose and asks him to shake it. Caboose CWM, You can take that hand and shove it straight up your ass! Cole WOW! CWM's arm drops to his side and a look of shock creeps across his face. The skin around his scar begins to twitch and then CWM moves as fast as a pouncing Tiger, he launches a right hand at Caboose but Caboose blocks it and lands a left. Caboose whips CWM into the corner and follows with a HUGE clothesline, sending CWM toppeling out of the ring to the floor. Caboose walks to the center of the ring and picks up one of the dropped mics. Caboose The aWo is dead and gone. Your time is over, CWM. You've abandoned the OAOAST too many times to come back and claim it's "yours". I'm going to tell you this one time and one time only. We don't need you...and we don't want you. The crowd roars, and that just angers CWM further as he pounds on the apron, then gets up onto it, pointing and shouting at Caboose. All of a sudden, the crowd boos loudly, as Dan Black and Tony Brannigan jog down the aisle to join their new ally. Coach 'Boose, get outta there! Caboose stands his ground, as the three men enter the ring, forcing him back...but then he bolts forward, stunning them all with right hands! Black takes a shot! Then Tony! Then CWM! All three are flailing at the hands of the veteran superstar, until CWM nails Caboose from behind as he goes for Dan. All three start to pummel him when all of a sudden a blur of humanity darts into the ring and starts to clean house. ZACK MALIBU IN THE HOOOOOOOOOOOUSE~! The atmosphere is electric, as Caboose and Zack stand toe to toe and square off with the same three men they will meet at Anglemania! With Black T pairing off with the babyface superteam, CWM slides out of the ring and removes Michael Buffer from his seat, taking the steel chair in his hands and circling ringside, looking for an opening. With both Zack and Caboose preoccupied, CWM slides into the ring and cocks the chair back, ready to take out both of his rivals just days before the biggest event in the OAOAST...until MORE cheering comes up from the crowd, and the cameras try to focus on the sea of fans being parted by someone charging through them to ringside. The person, clad in jeans, a black leather jacket, and a baseball cap, hops in the ring, his face unseen to us, until he pulls the chair way from CWM and spins him around, taking off the cap and causing CWM to nearly faint from shock. COLE CAN IT BE!? COACH IT CAN! IT'S SOME GUY~! SG starts firing off, knocking CWM silly before taking him by the head and hurling him over the ropes to the floor! Black T are then disposed of by Zack and Caboose, and the three men pace the ring, worked up from that little duel. Some Guy stops, staring at Zack and Caboose, and then picks up the mic, ready to talk to the world for the first time in a LONG time! SOME GUY "I guess the question on everybody's mind is, "what are you doing here?" and "where have you been?" I'll get to the "where have you been" at another time. Why I'm here should be pretty obvious. I was sitting at home watching HeldDown last week and saw something that made me sick. When I saw CWM turn on Zack and join up with Tony Brannigan and Dan Black I couldn't just sit back and let it ride. I couldn't let my boys go into Anglemania shorthanded. These men have had my back before and now I get to repay the favor. So this Sunday at Anglemania IV: CWM, Brannigan, Black I hope you're ready because it isn't a handicap match anymore! I'm back! And you better pray to God that you make it out of Anglemania with you careers! The three of us are coming to take you out! Do I make myself clear?" COACH YO~! COLE SOME GUY IS THE THIRD MAN! WHAT A MATCH IT IS GOING TO BE! WHAT AN ANGLEMANIA IT IS GOING TO BE! Six of the OAOAST Originals battling it out for company pride! It doesn't get any bigger than that! *commercial*

*DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following squash….err…contest is scheduled for one fall with a 20 minute time limit. Currently in the ring, from The Kingdom of the Falling River, weighing in at 286 pounds, previously seen with Shawn Michaels at the 1993 Survivor Series….the Black Knight!!! COACH Wasn’t that one Barry Horowitz? COLE No, I think that was the Red Knight. I thought Black was Glen Jacobs? CABOOSE Horowitz probably needs the paycheck more now. CUE: Punishment The lights go out as Biohazard’s Punishment starts. The crowd lets out a big roar as “The Current Big Thing” Brock Ausstin and his manager Rick Heyross walk into the arena. Brock does his Happy Happy Hoss Dance~! as the flashbulbs pop. COLE Well, here comes Brock Ausstin for his Anglemania tune-up match. This Sunday, he will be the first opponent for Prince Killings, and I still can’t figure out why Prince chose him of all people to debut against. CABOOSE I believe it’s called “biting off more than you can chew” Cole. He wants to commit career suicide right off? I won’t stop him. Brock hops onto the apron and steps through the ropes, flexing his neck as Heyross goads the crowd into more cheers for his man. Rick slaps Brock on the shoulder before the ref orders him out for the match to begin. *DING DING* The two men circle each other and lock up, but Brock simply swats the Black Knight away and sends him to the mat with a club to the back, followed by a few more. He drags him up by the head and shoots BK off the ropes, sending him high into the air with a back body drop. He picks the Black Knight up by the head again, and the Black Knight strikes Brock’s midsection to no effect but to earn him an overhead belly to belly suplex. COLE: Well, Mr. Knight isn’t exactly providing the topnotch competition he did the Hart Family now, did he? COACH Well, he WAS the first guy eliminated in that match. Brock picks him up in a back suplex and drives BK on the back of his head into the mat. He gives the “slash across the throat” gesture and walks over to the corner, squatting down and waiting for BK to get back up. CABOOSE Get those vocal chords ready, Buffer. The Black Knight shakily gets to his feet, but he doesn’t stay there long as, like an out of control Amtrack train, Brock barrels into him with THE PAIN~!! (spear). “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” No, that’s not Knight (the pain he feels is to great to express in any words), it’s Brock. Brock drags him up and puts him on his shoulders as the fans stand as one. COLE Will this be Prince Killings this Sunday? CABOOSE Are you gay? *WHUMP* Brock drives BK to the mat with the F-Stunner-5 and goes for the pin. 1….. 2…… Oh, of course it’s going to be a 3. *DING DING* CUE: Punishment BUFFER Here is your winner, Brooooooock Aussssstin! “YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!” CABOOSE HA, I had 5 minutes. Pay up, wankers! As Caboose collects, Rick Heyross slides into the ring to raise his client’s hand….and suddenly the arena falls dark. CABOOSE Can’t people find something else to get our attention with? The arena remains dark for a few moments, the only light coming from the flashes of cameras, and the now familiar green screen comes up on the AngleTron: “The following TRAINING MONTAGE has been approved for BROCK AUSTEN by The Friends of Prince Killings” Fade in on an empty, darkened gym. The camera pans around a wrestling ring and cuts to different angles, focusing on a single figure standing in the center illuminated by a spotlight. The gravelly voice of the guy who does a lot of movie trailers is heard. MOVIE PREVIEW GUY He is a man destined for greatness, both in the ring and on the big screen. We switch to a closeup of Killings, who is looking up into the light, dressed in a white tank-top and camouflage pants. MPG He has come to the OaOast to show the world what he is. And in three days….. Prince slowly lowers his head to look into the camera, an intense look in his eyes. …..he will. We launch into a montage of Killings training while a power rock ballad plays in the background. ……*WHAM* He takes one guy over with a hiptoss. ……He jumps rope, the rope a blur as it quickly whips around him. …….”AHHHHHHHHH” *CRASH* He runs off the ropes and takes someone down with a clothesline. …….We see Killings jogging along a lonely Idaho road wearing a grey hoodie and punching the air while he does so. …….He does some pushups, quickly pumping off ten and then putting one arm behind his back to do some one-armed pushups. …….Killings holds a picture of Brock. *RIP* With an expression of anger, he tears it in half. …….*BANG* He takes someone down with a snap suplex. …….Killings continues to jog, this time down what looks like a bike path in some wooded area. …….He does chin-ups, going faster and faster the more he does. …….He picks up a guy and drills him to the mat with a running powerslam (a la Davey Boy Smith) …….Now Killings is jogging in a snowy area and the camera pulls away to reveal that, by a helicopter angle, he is running towards the summit of Borah Peak in Idaho. Killings reaches the top and thrusts his arms into the air, literally shouting from the mountaintops the focus of all this preparation. “AUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!” “AUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!” “AUSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!!” MPG April 3rd, Prince Killings stars in….. The Anglemania logo appears on the screen. Anglemania IV. *fade out* We cut to a shot of a darkened room, with one figure sitting on a chair in front of a lone candle. The figure raises its head to reveal the number one contender for AngleMania IV, Axel, a serious look on his face. The crowd lets out a small pop, and Axel begins to speak. AXEL Ever since I came to this place, I have had but one goal: to be a Champion. I was the Twenty-Four Seven Champion one year ago, but that wasn’t enough. I was the first ever HI-YAH World Champion, I beat the legendary Great Muta in Japan, but that wasn’t enough. I beat fourteen of the top OAOAST Superstars two months ago to win the Lethal Rumble, but again, it wasn’t enough. I’ll admit, I’m greedy. I’m greedy for success, for the mantle of Champion… but in reality, isn’t everyone? Everyone strives to be a champion in whatever they do. They try to get that promotion over others. They try to win that race, shoot that basket, and score that touchdown. In every one of their minds, they don’t just want to be the best they can be… they simply want to be the best. I’m no different to any of those people. I worked my ass off to get to where I am today, and I’ve had everyone telling me that I couldn’t succeed, that no Australian could ever make it in this business. But I proved that they were sorely mistaken. The OAOAST took a chance on me two years ago, a chance that I had to capitalise on. Many said I was handed everything on a silver platter in this company. Those people know that is BULLSHIT. I’ve worked my ass off for everyone I’ve done here, and I found out how quickly your supposed friends can turn on you when you become somebody. Axel sighs. AXEL No one thinks I can win on Sunday. No one thinks I can beat the winner of Drek Stone versus Hoff. Everyone’s been riding my back, telling me I’m in over my head, I don’t deserve my spot, I’ve got friends that have helped me out. These are the same people that blew their spot months ago, and are jealous of the next guy that has an opportunity. All those other guys that had shots at being in the Main Event, they fucked them up and faded away into nothing; or they lost sight of what’s really important. I have the most enviable spot in this company, and I know people resent me for it. All those guys that want my spot are just waiting for me to fail, but I’ve got news for them – it ain’t gonna happen. I’m not going to screw this up. I’m going to win, and I’m going to reign as Champion for a long time. And when I do, I’m going to walk past each one of you doubters with my head held high in the air, with the satisfaction of knowing that my family and friends are behind me, the OAOAST fans are behind me, and most of all, I am going to have the satisfaction of knowing that I proved you all wrong. A smile creeps over The Dark One’s face as he continues. AXEL Now, my two possible opponents for that title match Sunday. Hoff. Six-five, two seventy-five. He’s got an inch on me, and about twenty pounds. I can deal. Throws a Spinebuster like me, but the announcers will tell you, mine’s better. I got you scouted big man. We’ve had our ups and downs in the past, and there is a great deal of respect between the two of us, so don’t take this personally, but if I face you at Mania, if you beat Drek for the belt, I won’t hold back. I’ll be throwing everything at you Hoff. I’m not going to pull any punches in the biggest match of my life, that’s for sure. I know you will be the same, so I’m preparing for the fight of my life if I face you. Now everyone would be saying that your natural power and ability is greater than mine. You got over that injury that made you forfeit the title. You came back and destroyed Stevens. Well done. But if you beat Drek Stone and go on to face me in three days, its going to be the hardest challenge that you have ever had to face. But if it is you looking across the ring at me, I’ll smile, because I know that we will tear the house down. Axel’s expression becomes more serious yet again. AXEL Drek Stone. The OAOAST Champion. My how you’ve grown! A year ago you were nothing, and your rise to fame in this company is now only matched by the size of your ego. Six-two, two thirty-five. I’ve got a height and a weight advantage on you. Sure, you’re faster, but I’m stronger. You have been so quick to dismiss me, so quick to tell me that I don’t have a chance in hell of beating you. And I know why you’re saying it. You’re running scared. You saw what I did to Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstein last year. You saw me retire Ragdoll. You saw me win the Lethal Rumble. You went into full paranoia mode. You knew that I could be facing you at Mania, and it ate you up inside. You couldn’t get out of it. There was no way. Now, we are less than a week away. A week away from the time that I could get my hands on you in the middle of that ring. And there won’t be Crystal. And there won’t be Gunner. There won’t be Hoff. It’ll be just you and me Drek. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. Make no mistake, I will beat you. I will take your title, and I will make your reign a distant memory. The Axel era will begin on April 3. Axel stands out of the chair, and stares dead at the camera. AXEL So, there we have it. AngleMania Four. The biggest event of the year, and the biggest night of my life. The stage is set for three titanic battles, all of which have a bearing on who will walk out of Trump Plaza with the OAOAST World Championship belt in their possession. To Crystal, to Hoff and to Drek Stone, Sunday, you will feel the pain, taste the pain, and when its all said and done, I will make you like the damn pain. *fade to commercial*

So I got held up at work, some woman (she just got back from Hawaii, how nice for her) brought in like a hundred (okay...22) rolls of film, so I just got in. I have everything almost set up and ordered, but I gotta jet now to pick up my deadbeat, lazy, son-of-a-bitch roommate. Shw's up after that, call it 11:30 EST. Sorry for the delay. If anyone wants to trade lives with me, now's a good time to ask.

It is shaping up well. As a sidenote, I had to switch my hours, so I won't be home until 9:30, 10 Easters, so you'll all just have to wait.

I'd ask what Hustle is, but it'll probably take ten replies to get a straight answer. Well, okay, fair enough. What's Hustle?

Hmm, makes sense.

These are really cool. How did you do them?

Patty you WILL elaborate, or suffer.

What's CHIKARA, liar?

Excellent. What's CHIKARA?

Wait

What's CHIKARA?

C)OME @#$^ Bakc

Lesnar looks like an old man in that picture.

Crono and Sledge need to have a big fight.

So so far it seems we have: Drek Stone © vs. Hoff, World Title COD © vs. GPX, Tag Titles Rodez © vs. Superstar vs. Rando vs. K-Money, X-Title, Joy of X Match Axel vs. Crystal The New Original Elite (?!?) vs. Zack Malibu and Caboose Heavenly Rockers vs. NNMX, their crazy stips The 70s Dude vs. Calvin Szechstein, Texas Death Match Panther vs. Tha Puerto Rican, Steel Cage match Prince Killings vs. Brock Ausstin Drek Stone OR Hoff © vs. Axel, World Title So that's ten matches, and a pretty nice looking card. Lemme know if I missed anything there, and sorry if I did. EDIT: are the HI-YAH tag belts on the line? Possibly a Docs/HH rematch? I remember something about that and involving mowing Josie's yard, which is kinda funny in a childish way if you think about it.........heh.

HeldDown will eminate from our nation's capital, Washingotn, DC. Canadians and Englishmen, just leave. Your capitals are no good here. Send everything to me by the standard time. I'll be here.

I'm not saying when the Drek/Hoff feud will end, but I'll be genuienly sad when it happens. Over the past couple months the interplay between the two has grown great. I feel like I've been writing some of my best stuff and NYU's has been par excellence. Anyway. I've only skimmed the show, but I enjoyed it. I marked out for the Saints' return, and I love the "Heavenly Rockers" nickname, and of course it sets up Rockers/Midnights which is great. I thought Axel and Crystal was amazing, because just when you thought we were ready to get going...*BAM*!! New piece of the puzzle. Good good to see Gunner back. I have to say I was THRILLED that CWM turned, because it didn't seem right. I dunno about this Caboose thing, I wasn't around for his heyday, but it's interesting at least. The 70's Dude made me laugh as always, and the announcement made there was huge...as Frig already knows, I think I'm looking forward to this match more than any other. And I am amused by $cotty $tatic. Everything was good, that's just what stood out for me. I may or may not say more when I'm more awake.

OMG TEH MARIJUANA IS THE DEV1L~

"DUDE SHE WASN'T NAKED SO IT WASN'T ANY GOOD HOMOS" - Mole