vivalaultra

Somebody stop me! I've created a Muenster!!!

Are we gonna have a full-blown contest to see who can come up with the best Clemens/cheese comparison? I think Czech's winning with the swiss cheese one. Slayer's was just...weird. I don't know what that thing about Clemens "leaving a sore ass when he comes out" thing was about. Anyway, I see that the Cards have Jason Marquis lined up to pitch tomorrow instead of Reyes. And then with Jeff Weaver going with a short porch in left on Sunday, the Astros could very realistically sweep the St. Louis Cardinals. That would be neat.

Damn you, Joe Randa! That's what happens when ESPN starts breaking in during the 6th inning.

Hirsch really has pitched pretty well ever since he got rocked in Cincy. The only start coming up I'm worried about is that Matt Albers is penciled in to start on Monday against the Phils.

My fuckin' God. I still beeeeelieve!!!!! As long as Wandy Rodriguez doesn't start another game for Houston this year, there's still a chance.

Hmmm...I gotta take the heat offa Clemens. Uh...at least he's more clutch than A-Rod...yeah...just make an A-Rod comment and that diverts all the attention.

I certainly don't believe Clemens is on the juice. And he wouldn't burn a bridge in Houston. Pitching in the Northeast is different than pitching in your hometown. He's got too much going on in Houston to burn a bridge here. Edit: Norris Hopper with 1 HR. The chase for Bonds begins.

Yeah, it just ticked by again and it said Mesa. I coulda sworn in the 1st inning it said Jose Lima. Probably was a continuation of the Vizquel/Mesa saga. I just find that whole situation hilarious...as hilarious as someone hailing pepper jack as a superior cheese.

Pepper Jack? Pepper Jack?!?!?!?!?! I could see maybe provolone, but pepper jack?!?!?!? Pepper Jack is much too..."busy" for real cheese lovers. I do like Swiss, however. And I don't see what the "Clemens virgin" comment was about. It's not like he's played for oodles of teams. Sox, Jays, Yanks, 'Stros in 20 years. He's not exactly been team-hopping. And I think the rumors of his greediness have been greatly exaggerated. And admittedly, I haven't been keeping up with the end of the season as much as I kept up earlier in the season, but I saw on the ESPN ticker something about a dust-up between the Giants and the Rox on Tuesday. Anybody got the story on that? And I saw that Jose Lima was involved. When did Jose Lima join the Rockies?

Clemens will never pitch again anywhere but Houston. I'm as sure of that as I am that the most tasty of all cheeses is sharp cheddar.

Why would Jim Hendry be interested in Joe Girardi? He's been retired for several years and I don't believe he ever played 2nd base...Certainly you weren't inferring that Dusty Baker's time managing the Cubbies to third or fourth place finishes might be nearing an end...

Clemens is starting Sunday because if we sweep the Cardinals (which is a possibility...especially with Marquis, then rookie, then Jeff Weaver pitching for em), take the make-up game in Philly and then sweep the Pirates and Braves while the Cardinals struggle the rest of the season, we'd end up backing into the playoffs. It's certainly nothing about Roger's ego...

Well, he's nothing if not consistent.

The Braves picked up Smoltz'z 2007 option. The only Brave that I remotely like is Smoltz. He's intense. And I like Adam Laroche's swing...and Andruw's ok, but I despise Chipper. Telling Astros' stat of the nite: Lance Berkman leads the team with 126 RBI. Adam Everett is second on the team with 56 RBI. I don't think it's a good thing when there's a 70 RBI differential between your number 1 and number 2.

Is he being drenched in milk or his lover's warm semen?

I disagree with the Oriole fans. The Astros might not make the postseason this year, but this Cardinal series is going to be a Hell of a series, if the first game is any indication. Pettitte vs. Carpenter, with Pettitte's dad having some pretty serious medical problems. Pettitte pitched pretty ok, but defensive miscues made him give up 5 runs in 5 innings, only 1 run was earned. Carpenter...not so much. He went 8 innings, gave up 9 hits and 6 ER. Lance "Big Puma" Berkman hit numbers 42 and 43 in dramatic fashion, the second with 2 outs in the bottom of the 8th to give the Astros a one run lead. I think Garner finally realized tonite about 150 games too late that Dan Wheeler should be the closer and Lidge should be selling hotdogs.

Does Bono do fair trade or is he just concerned with feeding people?

"Nightswimming" is still my favorite REM song. I like when Michael Stipe's voice cracks on the "They cannot see me naked" line. Although his voice cracks quite often, that cracking of his voice is my favorite.

"Nightswimming" is still my favorite REM song. I like when Michael Stipe's voice cracks on the "They cannot see me naked" line. Although his voice cracks quite often, that cracking of his voice is my favorite.

Holy relevance, Batman! Next week on Wednesday, Kinky Friedman and Jesse Ventura are going to give a joint lecture at my school. This is gonna be so much cooler than last week when Maya Angelou came and talked. She never even told me why the caged bird sings!

I also think the word "negro" is charming. The last time he was accused of racism for calling the Hurricane refugees crackheads and thugs, he was taken out of context. However, the Houston murder rate has risen some 6% since the hurricane. He's gotta win. I mean...he's running against this 70-year old comptroller whose biggest campaign issue was that she wanted the word "Grandma" to precede her name on the ballot, the current governer Rick Perry who's a flip-floppin' Republican and Chris Bell...who nobody knows anything about. Kinky's on the radio doing call-in shows every week and he's out and about all over the state. Everywhere you look, you see Kinky bumperstickers, Kinky signs, and Kinky shirts. And he's got the best campaign slogans: "Kinky Friedman: Why the Hell not?", "He ain't Kinky, he's just my governor.", and "My governor is a Jewish cowboy." He also is a pretty decent singer and author. I think that if Kinky gets elected, he'll be more along the lines of Jesse Ventura and not Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I'm totally voting for Kinky. He wants to make Willie Nelson the head of the Texas Rangers. It don't get better than that. Also, he wants to legalize gambling in Texas in order to give teachers a payraise and to decriminalize marijuana. I don't smoke dope, but...Willie do. I'm not sure if I agree with his plan to get 10,000 armed National Guardsmen to monitor the border, but I'm still gonna vote for him. His slogan is "Kinky Friedman: Why the Hell not?" ...I concur, Kinky.

I thought it was touching...It was touching at Yankee stadium...and then again in 2004...and again last year. It'll be touching next year...and in 2008...and in 2009...by 2010 it'll start getting old. Hopefully when he comes back next July we'll have a better offense so we won't be spending 22 million for a 7-5 pitcher.

Well, in fairness to the man, the panda did bite him first. If a panda bites you, the only thing you can really do is bite him back.

Clemens vs. Arroyo in Rocket's "last start" (ha ha!) at Minute Maid Park. Luke Scott has hit a homer and a three-run triple. Last nite, he was a single away from the cycle. If we woulda just went with Scott at the beginning of the season instead of screwing around with Preston, we'd probably be in a much better position than we are now. An outfield in 2007 of Luke Scott in left, Willy Taveras in Center, and Carlos Lee in right seems like it'll be pretty sweet. Add Woody Williams to the mix and the Astros will be unstoppable! Unstoppable, I say!