Jingus

And it set up such a terrible punchline: "If you don't get this note right, we'll all BE FLAT LOL" god kill me.

Maybe because we'd be afraid to let anyone who's crazy enough to post their number online to have OUR number on his caller ID?

This is supposed to be "Shitty Scenes in Great Movies", not "Shitty Sequels to Great Movies". Otherwise, I'd go on a rant about every Alien movie after the second one, with increasing profanity for every installment.

I thought Lillian Gish's little monologue at the end was pretty superfluous, too. Up there with the psychologist at the end of Psycho in the "okay, I GET it already!" department.

Bob Ryder's website reported something inaccurate? I just froze and the room is spinning like I'm on durgz right now. But yeah, I looked high and low for that damn link (I was gonna run up the vote totals for a few of my favorites), and never found it. Shenanigans.

I believe he's still got three or four weeks left on his no-compete contract clause. A former world champion returning to TNA? Once again, not really narrowing things down. Ron Killings, Vader, Sabu, Justin Credible, Larry Zybysco, DDP, could be any of a hundred guys.

I might miss Maria. (As long as she's not "wrestling".) Other than that, what has the Divasearch ever turned up that's worth having? Oh, right, chicks willing to do Playboy, we're stuck with this fucking gimmick forever. They mostly did it on house shows, as the picture clearly indicates the outfit looked pretty damn bad and even Channel 5 wouldn't stoop THAT low for ratings on a saturday morning (I hope). Also, the gimmick was killed and buried after Champion got busted for molestation. Which is incredibly ironic: Chris was widely rumored among other wrestlers to have an eye for scandalously young girls, but he didn't actually do anything in the case he was convicted on: he was literally taking polaroid pictures with kids while wearing the turtle costume during intermission at a show in Kentucky, he kissed one girl on the cheek, her mom somehow thought that was molestation and had him arrested, and the weird way KY's laws are set up he was actually convicted for the shit. One of the odder cases of karma coming around to getcha that I've ever heard of.

Why not? They've done it before. Rikishi and Haku neither looked nor wrestled alike, but they were still thrown together as a tag team because, uh, they're both Samoan and their kind stays together. What would it take to get me really interested in the WWE again? 1.Get rid of the clueless TV writers. Let the guys cut their own promos. 2.Get serious about drug testing. Watch Lashley's body shrink before your very eyes. 3.Start hiring/pushing people because they have wrestling talent already, rather than the current plan of "hire some big ex-football player and cram him down the audience's throat til he's over, and hope he figures out how to wrestle along the way".

The only reason the indy scene hasn't ALREADY been wiped out is because it's so low under the radar. Do you know how many indies actually report their earnings and pay taxes to the IRS like every business is legally required to? Damn near none. The indies have only survived this long because nobody cares. Well, except for the draconian state athletic commissions in places like Oregon and Louisiana, who have basically legislated local wrestling out of existence. On the "if Kurt Angle died" argument: yes, the WWE did try to help him. They were obviously pretty serious about it, being willing to fire a former Olympian who was one of their top guys and all. BUT: Kurt has wrestled, oh, 98% of his matches in the WWE. He picked up all his lingering injuries in the WWE. He definitely picked up that drug problem in the WWE. Sure they tried to help him, partly becaused they helped cause the problem in the first place.

I've deforested entire jungles with the amount I've smoked over the years. I don't think it's a big deal, and should be legalized. But right now, it's not. And Orton was wandering around smoking in plain view of everyone, including arena workers, random people backstage, and so on. That kind of crap could've easily caused a scene where the cops were called and dragged Orton kicking and screaming out of the building, right in front of all the fans. And then imagine the press coverage the WWE would've gotten the next day. Having had a good friend drop dead because of that shit, and known several others who got seriously addicted to it, I'd agree. Of course, then the problem becomes, how do you tell a real doctor from someone who has a real doctor degree and license but acts as a legalized drug dealer? So, what standards should they follow then? If the World Anti-Doping Agency's rules aren't good enough, then who's? The WWE seems to have arbitrarily made up their own, and obviously it's not working too well. That, I do agree with. IF they change. I kinda doubt they will.

Don't forget just how damned many world champions there have been, if you use TNA's liberal definition of "world champion". Technically everyone from Justin Credible to Dan Severn has been a professional wrestling world champ.

Of course WWE shouldn't be the only wrestling company to test their workers. TNA is much worse in this department. But WWE employs a lot more people, has been around a lot longer, and has repeatedly run into the same problem before. (Plus, aside from TNA, what other American fed could actually afford the tests?) And "why should they test/fire people when the competition will just hire them" is the lamest argument ever. Why should the WWE care about what happens to an unrepentant addict if they refuse offers for help and fail the (easy to pass) test multiple times? THAT'S where personal responsibility comes in. And, like I said, it's weird how Angle is the only true top guy they've ever fired for drug use. What other publicly traded corporation in the country could an employee walk around the place of business smoking a goddamn joint in plain view and not only not get fired, but still get promoted into a top slot (Orton, Wrestlemania 22)? You could possibly make a case for guys like Warrior or Sid being top guys released over drugs, but they had all kinds of other crazy problems besides just da roids.

Khali assraping and meatjobbing Undertaker at last year's Judgement Day. I mean, when was the last time Taker jobbed clean? To anyone? Much less to a complete n00b who just stomped him once and then pinned him with one foot on his chest? That's when I knew, sadly, that I was stuck with Khali for the long run.

No, the WWE is calling him that. I seriously doubt Henry would choose to call himself a fucking monkey. And the worst part is that the WWE knows just how potentially offensive it is, because the announcers always refer to him as "the SELF-PROCLAIMED silverback" in a pathetic attempt to keep the racist catchphrase while trying to avoid any possible heat over it.

I just don't understand why a few people like justcoz keep defending the company. The WWE has clearly shone that they only care about their employees health AFTER something bad happens... and as soon as nobody's paying attention, they go right back to not caring. They never had drug tests until 1992 when the federal steroid investigation forced them to implement them. And then in 1996, incredibly, they GOT RID OF THEM. "Well, ratings are way down and we've got a thin roster... let's cut the drug tests!" And they never had more tests until Eddie's death once again got the public's eye on them, and pretty much forced them into doing so. And now the tests are a proven failure, because how can a guy who's real levels are 59/1, way way above the company's already-inflated "fail ratio" of 10/1, still pass the tests? If the company doesn't want steroid abuse, why the fuck do they push Lashley, who couldn't possibly get a body like that naturally?

When people REALLY retire, they tend to be pretty quiet about it. Like Sean Connery: he just stopped making movies. (Whether or not his last movie, the shitacular League of Extaordinary Gentlemen had anything to do with that is up for debate.)

Exactly. 10 months of steroids... every 3 weeks... for a YEAR, and that was just from Dr. Astin. Remember, Benoit was also named as a buyer from illegal online roid distributors who got shut down by the feds. There's no way on god's green earth Benoit was taking all that just for hormone replacement therapy. That's just a desperate lie from Astin and the WWE to try and keep the heat off them.

Ah yes, the waste of time that inevitably drives ratings lower. Yep, if I was a chick, I'd sure want to be a Diva, knowing that most of them get sexually harassed, shoved into demeaning roles, and quickly fired.

1. Yes, testosterone and other steroids have completely legitimate medical uses. But from the sheer amount that Benoit was taking, he obviously wasn't using it for that. 2. Funny how none of the top guys ever get fired for this sort of thing. It's always some meaningless undercard dude. Except for Angle, and that's because he was apparently a walking zombie at times from all the shit he was on. 3. In an interview, Dr. Black claimed that NOBODY had been fired for pissing dirty. Test and Joey Mercury might take issue with that.

ARRGH. ANOTHER one?! Let's see: they fired the first winner, buried the second one after she gave up the goods for Playboy and proved she couldn't wrestle, and I don't even know what happened to the third one. WHY do they keep doing this waste of time?!

After Dr. Black sat quietly while McDevitt made the ludicrous and erroneous claim that testosterone isn't a steroid, I don't trust anything he has to say.

That's the best internet petition I've ever seen.

Didn't Terry Funk retire? My guess: Li's recent Hong Kong flicks hadn't been doing great business, so they drummed up the "retirement" angle to sell more tickets to the marks. And oh yeah, I'll watch the shit out of this War flick.

Except they'd need to get the rights from Nintendo first, they own all the trademarks on the characters and their likenesses. WWE: "Hey Nintendo, we want to make one of our undercard wrestlers do a gimmick that mocks your most beloved and long-running cash cow." Nintendo: " . . . "

Vengeance '01, the tournament to crown the first Undisputed champ. That's the last one, as far as I recall.