Jingus

But admit it... with the bottles in the house, etc. people were expecting a shitload of steroids to be in his system rather than the ONE THING that the doctor admitted to prescribing him for low testosterone levels. Some people were, yah. And some people were in such denial that they truly couldn't believe that Their Hero was an ordinary human, or worse.

As in drawing long-term, provable money? Yeah, it didn't work. Of course, since TNA has yet to make any profit ever, it's just the latest in a looong list.

And WWE.com has absolutely nothing about any of this. What a shock.

He never, ever drew the kind of numbers that Austin and Rock did at their height. HHH is an important company guy, but more like an Undertaker "reliable top guy who's around forever" than a Hogan "someone who actually pops the business and draws huge money" type.

Aside from the obvious joke, he makes the preexisting injury even worse, putting him on the shelf for much longer?

What do you mean? He hasn't been on tv in like 3 weeks. Well, it's ECW. Their tv shows are so chaotic and haphazard, it's not unusual for a guy to disappear for a while. How long a gap do the Guidos and Stevies have between their last TV appearance and the one before that?

So can we please never hear "Benoit might not've been on steroids" or "maybe Nancy killed Daniel" ever again?

No, Astin prescribed Testosterone Cypionate to Benoit. That is what Astin told the media before he was found, what was found in Benoit's home, and what Benoit's medical records say. Ah, okay, that's what confused me, I just heard the Cypionate part. But still, yeah, Astin was clearly a Dr. Feelgood candyman, not a legitimate medical professional.

Scott Steiner says hi. Yes, roid rage is real. Road Warrior Animal was on some talk show discussing it and how it effects people.

I forget exactly what the name of the chemical Astin had him on was, but it wasn't testosterone. He had no prescription at all for testosterone. Like was mentioned earlier, the "59" thing isn't from the same set of numbers that we've been talking about "4 to 10", it's a completely different thing.

Fucking pussy letting something like a completely torn pectoral muscle slow him down. Slap a bandaid on it and get back out there for my entertainment, girly-man. You can't "work around" a torn pec. There's absolutely nothing you can do in the ring that wouldn't further aggravate the injury.

TESTOSTERONE IS A STEROID. It's the classic, oldest, most common steroid. What the fuck do you think steroids ARE? They're male hormones. LIKE TESTOSTERONE. And if you're paying attention, it's NOT the same steroid that Dr. Astin had been prescribing him. It's something completely different.

What do you mean?

Not saying that Edge was on the gas, but torn muscles are an injury commonly seen with steroid users... I agree that a battle royale is very underwhelming to crown a new champ. Why not at least make the winner of the BR face Kane in a singles match, since he's the #1 contender and all?

Or like Chris Rock said: "What ever happened to crazy?"

Tazz was indeed super-protected... for about a month. Then he got to feud with Bossman. Then was thrown into a whole bunch of multi-man hardcore matches which were basically All Cookie Sheets, All The Time. Then got hurt. Then came back and feuded with... Lawler... and LOST to him. Then got stuck in a tag team with Raven, who was well known for being hated by Vince. Then got randomly turned face and did absolutely nothing for months. Then was part of Invasion... specifically, the part that got whipped like a dog by Austin every week. My theory? Vince saw Tazz wrestling the big guys like Rock, and realized just how short he really was, and how much less deadly his suplexes looked in the giant WWE ring. Bye-bye, push. Ciao, protection. He never did anything important in-ring again.

So, what exactly were Test and Joey Mercury fired for, again?

God forbid they bring in anyone with both tits and talent. Gail Kim and Jacquelyn are pretty much the only real female wrestlers they've hired in years.

That's even worse. Masters gets popped for drugs, goes to rehab, gets clean, and when he comes back to work again he's publicly mocked on-air for NOT using steroids? I mean, jesus, the bullshit piles up so high in the WWE you need wings to stay above it.

Yep. "Roxxi Laveaux" = Nikki Roxx. She's a talented wrestler, a beautiful woman, and a nice person. She's a regular at SHIMMER, and is the closest thing we've got to a female world champion co-holding the PGWA and LLF belts. So of course TNA sticks her in a goddamned Papa Shango gimmick as a third wheel to a couple of hasbeens and has her feud with a playboy bunny. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: fuck TNA.

Also keep in mind how arbitrary the punishments are. Test gets fired for allegedly flunking the test (bwahaha), but RVD and Sabu are arrested for drug use yet keep their jobs? Chris Masters gets sent to rehab for his drug usage, but Randy Orton walks around the locker room smoking a joint and barely gets a slap on the wrist? It's especially annoying how secretive the whole process is. Unlike the NFL and every other sporting organization the WWE keeps trying to compare itself to, they don't announce when someone fails the tests. What other sport anywhere does drug testing but keeps the results an in-house secret? If it weren't for the Meltzers of the world, we'd never have any idea if anyone ever tested positive or not.

It's a little different when it's a TV show that airs at the same time for everybody, and when it's a book that you have to go buy and then read the whole thing. But I wouldn't be surprised if various media people were spoiling the book the day after it comes out.

Probably. They sure as hell turned up because it was free in Tennessee. And even then they'd usually get maybe a thousand fans per week, or less.

PWI Sounds perfect for WWE. Not at all. Wasn't this the chick who made all those music videos that everyone was loving so much? Why did they take them down and then fire her?

Because by the standards of the international anti-doping organization, whose test methods are used by every sport from the Olympics on down, a ratio of 4 is a failed test. A simple 1/1 ratio is considered normal for an average person. There's a lot of wiggle room in between 1 and 4 for a guy to roid up. Yet the WWE allows anything up to a 4 to be considered an automatic pass. The message is clear: they don't want to "catch" their guys roiding. And no, a 5-9 isn't a suspension. Read the policy again. It just means you have to take the test again. Only getting a 10 or higher, IF you aren't prescribed steroids by a doctor, is considered flunking the drug test. Actually, as shady as all that is, it's not even the most lax part of the test. That is: they don't watch you pee. This means you can easily do the old "airtight bottle o' someone else's clean pee hugged up under your nuts" routine that is so beloved of potheads on probation/parole everywhere.