Jingus

COME TO THE PIT

Well yeah, there's that... and the fact that I'm trying not-so-subtly to lure you back there. Especially since your beef with Marney has apparently been handled. We need some Proven Draws since the new software upgrade frightened everyone away.

She still uses the same account at the Pit, and I'm pretty sure yours is still active too.

If someone wants to call Bush dumb by the standards of an American President, that's okay with me. I only take issue with the santicmonious exaggerators who endlessly refer to him as a monkey and really believe that a legit retard somehow made it through Yale and got elected Governor and President twice. That just isn't possible, no matter how powerful your daddy is.

Why ban them and force them to come to you? That seems like kind of a DMV type thing to do. A mod can just change their password so Leena whoever stole it can't access it anymore.

Arrr, she be a kraken indeed. She be draggin' ye down from the world ye know, and suckin' all the lifeforces out of a man's body down in the eldritch eternal darkness, yo ho hooo.

Contacts one of you? No, backwards. You don't need to ban the accounts either. All you gotta do is change the account's password so Leena can't use it and then get the new password to the real JHawk, whether through another board, email, messenger, him making a new account here for that purpose, or whatever.

When I lost my virginity, the Board of Mandatory Sexual Cliches convicted me for not being a first-time minuteman.

No such board. Loss started up a small wrestling-only board that a few of the old guard occasionally post at, but that's about it.

So you see why, when searching for "tinfoil hat", clearly that was the best one to post.

Lots of states have wrestling commissions, of varying degrees of strictness. (Did you know that the Piledriver is really illegal in Louisiana?) But in XPW's case, I think it was just a state law banning any sort of nudity at public events.

We're talking about actually doing this shit live. (In theory.) Not e-fedding. If it just happened in someone's internet writeup, it doesn't count. E-fedding is a step below backyard wrestling.

Dude, I like the girl as much as anyone (okay, maybe not as much as you, or Marney, but still), but she's just beyond all human logic at times. Like, she's now apparently left the Pit forever. Reason: she somehow got a look inside the admin folder, where in one of the (multiple) threads about her being a problem, someone made an offhand joke about her being nuts, saying that daddy must've touched her a lot. Well I guess that really happened, since I have no other explanation why she flipped out and hasn't been back.

This is becoming less wrestling-themed and more like Phallus Factor. ...hey, does any premium cable network do X-rated gameshows? And if not, why not?

What the fuck do you drive, a lawnmower?

Darwin feuds with Jesus. Darwin uses scientific wrestling to get ahead, but Jesus's celestial fortitude allows him to come back from even the worst asskickings. Have a pro-smoking heel who tosses out packs of cigarettes to all the kids in the crowd. "You're never too young to start!" Two guys have an I Quit match. The first one comes out in his gear, ready to fight. The second one comes out in street clothes, with a trenchcoat. 2nd Guy pulls out a shotgun, and is all like "QUIT NOW, BITCH". First guy quits. And pisses himself. (Cue run-in from Piss Submission Guy, angry over gimmick infringement.) Now THAT'S funny.

Not so much a Southern thing as just any isolated rural area where there's more livestock than available women. Refer to the "Fucking Wisconsin" thread for some examples.

I actually did something vaguely along those lines once. I was an intergender tag match where it was three girls, and me. Don't ask. But anyway: one of the heels (oh yeah, two 120 pound heel girls put the heat on a 210 pound babyface guy, I am tough like an anvil) had a long-running thing where she'd give me the old Chyna uppercut to the nuts just about every week. This time however, I'd outfoxed her, as I had on a cup. I yanked it out of my pants (the cup, that is) and gas masked her with it for the tap-out. The worst part about it: I almost couldn't get the damn thing out, and stood there for like half a minute groping around my groin, apparently just playing pocket pool as far as the fans could tell.

I was about to say, the weird thing is that someone, somewhere has done at least half these ideas already. For example, XPW wanted to do the "Strip to full nudity" match with a couple of their porn stars, but apparently the law doesn't allow that sort of thing at a wrestling show. That being said, if anyone could actually do this shit, I'd watch it. Maybe only once, and feel incredibly dirty afterwards. But I'd still watch.

God I hope it is, within my lifetime at least. I want to be able to call someone a nasty name regardless of their race, gender, handicaps, or any other variable.

For all the racism stuff, forget it. I'm tired of arguing it, and nobody's gonna change their minds. You're kidding here, right? No, I'm not kidding at all. While everyone makes fun of everyone at one point or another, the South seems to be the only entire region and demographic which it's okay to make fun of. If you tell a joke about Bubba from Alabama, nobody gets mad. Why is that? "Bacause it's true" is not an acceptable answer. Meanwhile, Michael Richards uses the n-word in an untelevised standup performance, and it becomes a media firestorm. And please spare me the standard "OH NOES you poor oppressed white majority, you've got it SO BAD" crap. Yes, I'm completely aware that the country is still mostly controlled by rich christian white males; as Dave Chappelle's White Pixie said: "Just remember, you still run the god-damned world!" It just annoys me that a joke about rednecks being dumb inbred hicks isn't considered to be just as offensive as some joke about black people really loving fried chicken. We are striving for equality here, right?

Yeah, but at least anytime someone makes a joke aboot lumberjacks, you know it's just that, a joke. Lots of otherwise seemingly intelligent and well-adjusted people really believe that the entire South is just one big bible-thumping cousin-fucking Klan.

About what, exactly? Here's how it sounds to me: "Hey dude! You know that place where you were born, raised, and lived your whole life? Well it SUCKS! It's all stupid, and so is everybody from there! You hate them darkies, don't ya! You fuckin' bigot! Your great-great-grandfather lived in an era where whites owned blacks, although it's statistically unlikely that your own greatgreatgrandpa actually did so! You suck!" The bottom line is that I've heard far, far more statements and jokes about Southerners being racist than I've heard actual examples of Southerners being racist. And YES, I know the racism sure as hell is out there. I worked in independent Southern professional wrestling for five years, and there aren't many more redneckier social groups to be found, so I consider myself an expert on it. From the blatant ones ("My grandaddy was in the Klan... sure do wish I'd lived back then") to the ones who think they know what racist is, but that they're not it (if I had a dollar for every time I've heard the "there's a difference between regular black people and niggers" theory, well, I could have a nice meal at TGI Fridays), to the white people who would claim til their dying day that they're not racist and they hate racism and would never use slurs and all that... until they eventually tell you some story from their youth about when segregation happened, and it'll make the Negroes sound like they're some kind of jungle thugs. I've met all kinds. Point is, I know racism pretty well, but the majority of white Southerners aren't like that. Most of them simply have more important problems to worry about and don't give a shit about someone's skin color. Another thing that really grinds my gears: in popular media, it's perfectly okay to portray this entire section of the country as a wasteland of barefoot moonshine-swillin' Jethroes who don't speak that thar English too good. Southerners are just about the only subculture in America whom it's perfectly acceptable and PC to mock and perpetuate cruel, grossly inaccurate stereotypes about. And as a Southerner myself, that naturally pisses me off. So a bunch of old dead guys did some bad shit. That's no reason to attack me and my generation for it.

Yeah, racism exists in the south. And? You seem to be making the case that it's still a lot worse in the south than anywhere else, and I have yet to see any sort of proof about that. Especially since the racial situation gets better, not worse, over time with every passing generation.