Zack Malibu

Hasta la pasta, guys and gals. I'll see you all in a week.

Hopefully it doesn't happen while I'm gone (wink wink, nudge nudge).

Sunny old Florida. Totally planning on hijacking a bus and showing up on Superstar's doorstep unexpectedly.

I had just jumped on AIM for a second while I had a snack, but if I stay on there, I'm not getting ANY sleep, hehe.

Well, my flight leaves I've got to be at the airport in 4 hours, and I've got insomnia. Go me. So I'm here for a little while to chit chat, goof off, and whatever else I can do on a message board at 2:45 in the morning.

This is counting myself, I assume. Just wanted to make sure that I was among the 30.

HEY~! Goddamn it, this is my "farewell for a week" thread. Don't deteriorate it with petty arguments. I want to see no bitching. Bitches.

OK Kid, you can come. Just do NOT wrinkle my SBTB Logo or Zack Attack T shirts. (In case you're wondering, yes, I actually own these).

Neon Pink? WTF? It's baby blue. Dude...

::Pries door open, and pulls WJM into the safety of his arms.::

Jealous?

In a last bit of booking before I go back to packing, how about... The Superstar defending the 24/7 Title against former Champion Peter Knight?

Humph. Didn't expect to hear that. Hey, where did WJM go? This is the last time I can charm her for a week.

Banky...gone forever? Did I miss a meeting or something?

That's a great fucking song, too.

I noticed that it pops up that way on the main board too. My apologies for scaring everyone. I AM coming back. It's only a week vacation. What, you think I'd let Dames run things by himself? Psssh.

I know, we have to get all our lovin' in now! Yep, let's get started... But...What Would Blue Do? ...the Milkman? There's a lactation joke in there, somewhere.

I know, we have to get all our lovin' in now! Yep, let's get started... But...What Would Blue Do?

I know, we have to get all our lovin' in now!

Yeah, I'm not a fan of Woman Haters. I'm also not big on Men In Black, because of how often that one is run (since it's one of the more famous ones). The society angle got used in quite a few shorts, to the point where some footage from the original society ep, Hoi Polloi, is used in most of them. Still, I managed to get a few eps I needed better copies of on tape, like Dizzy Detectives and The Sitter Downers, two of my faves.

PROPS: Axel Papacita Northstar Crystal Hoff and major props to Sly, for writing the majority of the frickin' show. Great job from him this time around.

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! It's the dawn of a New Year, where resolutions are made and people are given a clean slate (after a night of drunken debauchery, of course). Will HeldDOWN~! continue to BRING THE CONTENT~! in the '04? Will Northstar continue to run a tight ship, or will the roster grow tired of their flamboyant GM? Will Calvin Szechstein make it through '04 with his title intact? Will Hoff find his pants? Those questions and more are about to be answered, as we take you to the arena for the first HeldDOWN~! of the New Year~! The same scene that filled up nightime skies last night illuminates the darkened arena, as the opening fireworks and pyro EXPLODE~! A near-sellout crowd has filled this arena tonight on January 1, 2004, eager to see what turns the OAOAST will take this year. After a few moments of crowd-scanning by the cameras, we take you down to the announce position affectionately known as Sofa Central, with our Triple Threat of Commentary... and CABOOSE, COLE, and DA COACH~! COLE Happy New Year fans, and welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! COACH Yo yo, big ups to all my playas in the '04, hopin' that this year was better than your last! CABOOSE English, Coach. I left my dipshit-to-English dictionary back at your mom's place. COACH My b...HEY~! COLE Well, it's a New Year, but some things never change, I guess. However, tonight on HeldDOWN~! we plan on bringing you some absolutely incredible action. In tonight's main event, it's going to be a Ten Man Gauntlet Match, or as it's been dubbed, the The X-Box X-Division Top X Hour-Long Time Gauntlet Match. Our entire second hour will be dedicated to this matchup, involving X Champion AJ Flaire defending his belt against AJ Flaire © former champion Sly Sommers, St. Andrew, his minions Nathaniel and Michael, GPX member Scotty Static, former champion Mad Matt, newcomer The Black Diamond, and the tag team of "The Role Model" Jacob Lyne and Leon Rodez! CABOOSE HeldDOWN~! has outdone itself again, as we bring the fans another first here on the first day of the year. We've got ten of the youngest, hungriest athletes going the distance for a prize, the X Title, and I think they're going to light it up here tonight. COACH Caboose, my man...I didn't know you condoned that stuff! CABOOSE What stuff? COACH You said "light it up". Are you talking about, *ahem*, "puff, puff, pass". CABOOSE Coach, I just said no a long time ago. Something your mom didn't do while you were in her belly. COLE Heh, he got you there, Coach. COACH Pfft...I'm requesting a transfer to one of our B shows. COLE We don't have any B shows. Unless you count IZ. COACH Screw it, I'll stay here.

MC: We are back, and we had an elimination during the final commercial, as Jacob Lyne blocked Minion Michael’s Cycle To Nowhere attempt, reversing the Dragon suplex step of the move into a Dragon suplex of his own, dropping Michael on top of his head for the victory! COACH: Mad Matt was supposed to make his entrance now, but we’re being told we must cut to the back right now, for something! (Cut to the back, where Josh Matthews is standing in front of a set of EMT’s, trying to make Mad Matt lay still so they can pack his right leg correctly.) JM: I apologize to interrupt this exciting contest, but I am here to give you an update on the status of Mad Matt, who’s being told by our HeldDOWN~!-employed doctors to lay still and forfeit the rest of his match. He’s giving one hell of a fight, but, final word is, he’s automatically forfeited this round. Back to the arena!) (Cut back to the arena) COACH: Sad news. However, with just eleven minutes left to go, we MUST go onto our next competitor! FINK: Starting the cycle yet again, with ten minutes and forty-seven seconds to go, here’s AJ Flaire! Flaire runs to the ring, ducks a clothesline, and nails a brutal bridging German suplex on Jacob Lyne.........1........2........kickout! Lyne is dazed on his knees, and Flaire runs to the other side. He comes off of the ropes, and nails a stiff-as-penis Shining Wizard. However, AJ nailed Jacob so hard that it knocked Lyne out of the ring. AJ slides out of the ring, and throws Lyne back into the ring. Flaire goes up top, and signals for Elegance. When Lyne gets up, AJ launches off. However, Lyne moves, and AJ falls flat on his face. Lyne then nails an Oklahoma roll.........1......2.......kickout. Both men are up, and Lyne catches a front kick from Flaire. He spins AJ’s leg around, and AJ comes back around with a climb-up enziguri, sending Lyne into the corner, stomach-first. AJ then bounces off of the ropes near the corner, and brings Jacob down with a hard lariat. AJ goes for the cover.........1...........2..........Lyne gets his foot on the ropes! MC: After winning eight actual matches in a row, how much could Jacob Lyne possibly have left in the tank?! AJ then signals for That’s Phenomonal, and puts Jacob’s head in between his legs. However, Lyne finds just enough strength inside to reverse it with a backdrop, inadvertantly putting AJ in the Tree of Woe. Lyne climbs the top rope on that side. However, as Jacob tries to find his balance, Flaire pulls himself up with his legs, and forearms Lyne in the ass. AJ then stands on the top rope, and locks Jacob in a waistlock...........Top Rope German Suplex! AJ leaps over for the cover............1.............2.............3! MC: My lord! AJ Flaire just KILLED Jacob Lyne with that Top Rope German Suplex to eliminate him from the contest! COACH: But nonetheless, a valiant effort from Jacob Lyne in his first X-Division outing, defeating ten guys in a row, eight of them in actual matches. CABOOSE: Horray, horray, now where’s more action? FINK: Coming to the ring........Minion Nathaniel! Flaire pops up right as Nathaniel hits the ring. Flaire ducks two high front martial arts kicks, and shoves Nathaniel off to the ropes. AJ nails a savate kick to Nathaniel’s mid-section, hooks his arms, and nails a Tiger Bomb..........1...........2........kickout from Nathaniel. Flaire then pulls Nathaniel up, and tries to whip him to the ropes again. However, Nathaniel reverses the Irish whip, and nails an over-head belly-to-belly. Nathaniel then signals that it’s all over, which means he’s probably going for his finisher, the Eternal Damnation (Torture Rack into a Piledriver). He gets behind Flaire when Flaire stumbles to his feet, and puts him up on his shoulders. However, Flaire rolls off, lands behind Nathaniel, and forearms him as hard as humanly possibly in the back of the head. AJ then nails a Saito suplex (high angle side suplex) on Nathaniel. Nathaniel bounces off of the mat on top of his head, and lands on his knees. Flaire then hops to the top rope, and, from nearly three-fourths of the way across the ring, nails an amazing Elegance! MC: I cannot believe what I just saw! COACH: Amazing agility from “The Phenomonal One”! CABOOSE: Are we on Mars? Flaire pulls Nathaniel away from the ropes, and rolls him up for the pin..........1............2..............3! MC: Just like that, AJ Flaire has defeated his second opponent in a row! FINK: The next participant........The Black Diamond! Black Diamond runs to the ring, but runs right into a step-up enziguri by Flaire. Flaire then pulls him close to the corner, and goes up top. Flaire attempts Extra Special (twisting 450), but Diamond rolls, and Flaire hits nothing but mat. Diamond pulls himself up with the ropes, and pulls Flaire up as well. He whips AJ to the ropes, and nails a stiff Yakuza kick to the face. Diamond then pulls AJ up, and tries for a power bomb. However, AJ somehow flips out of it, onto his feet. AJ puts himself in wheelbarrow position on Diamond, and goes for a bulldog. However, Diamond reverses the move, and drops AJ with a side suplex/backbreaker combination. Diamond then hooks AJ in a reverse DDT position, as he pulls AJ to his feet. Black Diamond then turns the move around, and connects with his signature Diamond Cutter! MC: That’s might be it! This relative newcomer might have just won the match! The referee goes down for the count...............1...................2..............kickout! Diamond doesn’t know what’s going on, so he goes to the second rope. Flaire stumbles up, and Diamond launches off. However, he catches Diamond in a front waistlock, and nails a belly-to-belly suplex. Both men back up, and Flaire catches a forearm attempt from Diamond. He then spends Diamond around right into a knee to the gut. Flaire then signals that it’s the end, and goes for the Good Taste. However, at the last second, Diamond hooks AJ’s ankles, and goes for a cradle.....1........2.....Flaire rolls back to his feet, and still has Diamond in position! He picks Diamond up, hooks the arms, and drives him down to the mat with Good Taste! Flaire goes for the cover..............1.................2....................3! MC: One heck of a debut for the Black Diamond, hanging his own in there with the elite of the X-Division, but on most veterans’ best day, they cannot hang with the top dogs of this crew! COACH: Yeah, props to Black Diamond! CABOOSE: Shut up, he’s a loser! MC: YOU’RE a loser! FINK: The next participant........Sly Sommers! Sommers enters the ring, and forearms AJ in the back of the head. Sly then hooks AJ, and nails the USA High Angle Backdrop! He goes for the cover.............1................2..........kickout! Sly then pulls AJ up, and puts him on his shoulders, horizontally, belly-up. Sly then nails the Cut Day! Sly goes for the cover.........1............2..........kickout! Sly cannot believe it! MC: AJ Flaire has just kicked out of both of Sly Sommers’s finishers within seconds of each other! Sommers then whips Flaire off to the ropes. Sly tosses AJ up, but AJ reverses whatever the move was with a dropkick, sending Sly down. Both men get back up, and Sly runs at AJ. However, AJ knew to get down low at the last second, pick Sly up by the back of his thighs, and throw him crotch-first onto the top turnbuckle! Sly’s seated backwards on the top turnbuckle, and AJ then goes to get him. AJ locks in the waistlock for the Top Rope German Suplex that he finished Jacob Lyne off with, but Sly knew it was coming, and nails four elbows in a row, knocking AJ off of the top rope, and crashing to the mat below. Sly then stands up, looks around nervously, and, completely out of desperation, attempts the first moonsault of his life! However, AJ rolls out of the way, and Sly hits nothing but mat! AJ uses the ropes to pull himself up, and drags Sly by the hair with him to the corner. AJ then scales to the second turnbuckle, and puts Sly in between his legs. He pulls Sly up, hooks the arms with his legs, and nails a devastating second-rope Good Taste! MC: That’s gotta be it! COACH: Wow, that was freaking cool! CABOOSE: Wow, you’re freaking transsexual! AJ goes for the cover............1...............2..................3! MC: Again, I must admit, Sly Sommers, former X-Champion, and current WCW World TV “Champion”, tried his ass of, and did well for himself tonight. COACH: He did come close. But, to quote the late Gorilla Monsoon, “Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades!” CABOOSE: That’s it, Sly should have hid a horseshoe in his tights! FINK: Coming down the aisle.....Leon Rodez! AJ stumbles to his feet, and walks right into an explosive half-nelson suplex from Rodez! Rodez then goes for his elevated half-crab finishing submission, but AJ is able to roll himself out of position, and nail an inverted hurricanrana to bring Leon down. Both men back up, and AJ kicks Leon in the mid-section. AJ then puts Leon’s head in between his legs, picks him up, hooks the cradle, and nails That’s Phenomonal! AJ goes for the cover..............1...............2.........Leon kicks out! MC: Leon Rodez just kicked out of the champ’s finisher! COACH: With just five minutes left, these guys will do anything it takes to get the job done! AJ pulls Leon up, and whips him to the ropes. However, Leon reverses whatever AJ was going for with one hell of a version of his super-spinning Tornado DDT! Leon then waits until AJ gets to one knee. When he does, Leon charges, and nearly knocks his head off with a Shining Wizard! Leon goes for the cover............1...............2...........AJ puts his foot on the bottom rope for a rope break. MC: Flaire barely saved himself from losing his cherished title belt! Leon then signals that he’s gonna finish AJ off. He sits AJ on the top turnbuckle backwards, and climbs to the top rope himself. Leon then goes for his signature Sunset Powerbomb. But, AJ punches Leon enough so that he can roll out of the move. While doing so, AJ clutches Leon’s head underneath his armpit, and picks him up when he hits the ground. AJ then runs....and drops Leon on his head with a devastating Air Raid Crash! MC: We haven’t seen AJ pull that one out before! AJ goes for the cover.................1.............2...............3! MC: With just minutes left to spare, AJ Flaire has defeated yet another adversary on his way to keeping his gold! COACH: But credit goes out to Leon Rodez, who, like Jacob Lyne and the Black Diamond, debuted in the X-Division tonight, and hung with the best! FINK: Introducing the next participant, with three minutes and fifty-three seconds left in the contest.........St. Andrew! COACH: I guess they aren’t even waisting time with giving AJ the forfeit win over Scotty Static! Andrew runs down to the ring, but AJ ducks Andrew’s opening clothesline attempt. Andrew turns around, and AJ hooks Andrew’s head above his shoulder. AJ then climbs the ropes, and goes for the Sliced Bread #2/shiruani. However, Andrew clutches AJ in the air mid-move, hooks AJ’s head in a reverse DDT position....and nails a BRUTAL running version of The End! MC: AJ’s gotta be DEAD after that! Andrew’s slow to cover due to his cardio running on empty, but he eventually does.............1...............2.........AJ KICKS OUT! Andrew gets mad for a second, but then immediately picks AJ up, hooks his head, and nails the Decadence Drop (spinning Shellshock/inverted Flatliner)! Andrew goes for the cover..............1............2..........kickout! Andrew goes mad again! Andrew then pulls up the near-unconsious AJ, and hooks his head in a front-facelock. Andrew then hooks AJ’s legs around his own upper-torso, hooks AJ’s arms, and connects with the Sin Killer (cradle butterfly brainbuster)! MC: This has gotta be it! No getting up from that! Andrew goes for the cover..........................1................................2............... ..................KICKOUT! The entire place erupts upon seeing AJ Flaire kick out of that! FINK: Two minutes remaining in the time limit, two minutes! Andrew then grabs AJ, and locks him in a cobra clutch, obviously setting up for the Cath-Lock (camel/cobra clutch combo), but AJ somehow finds a way to twist out, and pull Andrew near him. He then picks up Andrew in a tombstone position, and nails a tombstone version of That’s Phenomonal! AJ goes for the one-armed cover........................1........................2......................... ............3! MC: AJ’S DONE IT AGAIN! COACH: We have around a minute left, and AJ Flaire has almost pulled the impossible: declaring victory over nine of his top contenders in an hour-long war! FINK: Introducing the next participant....Minion Michael! As Michael comes to the ring, Andrew limps to him, and tells him, “It’s not worth it. Fight another day. Get out now!” So, Michael goes to ringside, and steals Howard Finkel’s chair! Michael then slides into the ring with the chair, and waits for AJ Flaire to get to his knees. When he does, he plasters AJ with a chairshot that could probably be heard outside the damn building! MC: Minion Michael has just gotten himself disqualified because that jackass told him to! COACH: It’s a damn shame, it really is! And to think, Mad Matt, who, if the doctors let him, must be the only guy able to fight within this time limit, is gonna have a damn easy time, just pinning AJ and winning the title! CABOOSE: Ha ha, AJ Flaire’s left for dead, and I’m on the edge of my seat! MC: As am I, as is Jonathan! Everyone else in the building’s standing, screaming their lungs out! FINK: With one minute remaining, the next contestant is.........Mad Matt! (Cut backstage, where Matt fights off five EMT’s near the gorilla area, and starts to limp to the ring,) MC: He’s gonna do it! The camera follows Matt, who’s limping as fast as he can, but still very slowly, to the ring area. With about half a minute left, Matt starts on his journey down the ramp. Halfway down the ramp, with about fifteen seconds left, he takes most of the casting that’s slowing him down off. Matt then painfully limp-jogs to the ring. With six seconds left, he’s hit the ringside area. He drags himself into the ring, and all he has to do is put his arm over AJ Flaire for the win.................. 5............................ 4............................. 3............................ 2...........................Matt gets his arm in the air....... 1......................the arm’s coming down........... BUZZER!!!! MC: Oh, my god! COACH: That was a cliffhanger ending if I’ve ever seen one! CABOOSE: Ha ha, the gimp got screwed! As Matt lies on his back, mid-ring, in disappointment, balloons and confetti fall from the ceiling, and tons of fireworks ignite in the building, to celebrate AJ Flaire’s hour-long battle with both time and his top contenders, which he has somehow conquered! MC: Wait a second...Matt’s not done! COACH: What the hell....he’s rolled outside the ring, and is throwing chairs around like crazy! I think he’s even yelling, “It’s a conspiracy!” CABOOSE: The nut thinks that Northstar and Flaire are conspiring against him! Hell, I wouldn’t be too surprised to find that out myself! MC: That’s a pretty damn ridiculous idea! AJ Flaire has to hold himself up with the ring ropes, but stands as tall as he can, clutching his rightful possession, the X-Division Championship, as Mad Matt’s being taken away by ten security officers! MC: This has been an insane way to start off the year 2004 here on HeldDOWN~!, with the first ever X-Box X-Division Top X Time Gauntlet Match, with AJ Flaire surviving, and holding onto his X-Division Championship! CABOOSE: Let’s not forget that the monster Gibraltar, my pick for the man who’ll be dominating this company by January 1, 2005, declared himself the first participant in the OAOAST Royal Rumble on January 25th! COACH: Yeah, that was huge news! But just think....as excellent as this match, and wild as this program was, this is just the first edition of HeldDOWN~! in the new year! I’m sure the antics will get wilder, the athletes will get tougher, and the in-ring action will get even more intense, if possible, as 2004 rolls on! MC: For my broadcast colleagues Caboose and Jonathan Coachman, and all of us here at HeldDOWN~!, I’m Michael Cole, wishing you all a Safe and Happy 2004! See ya next week!

MC: We are back, here on HeldDOWN~!, and, for the past four minutes, it’s been all Nathaniel, using his quick feet to out-do Jacob Lyne, who already tonight has pinned the current X-Division champion of the world, “The Phenomonal” AJ Flaire! COACH: And according to our official timeclock, sponsored, like this match, by X-Box, we have about thirty-two minutes left in this monumental contest! Nathaniel pulls Lyne up, who he had just laid out with a wicked spinning wheel kick, and picks him up in slam position. He then hangs Jacob upside-down, in the Tree of Woe. Nathaniel goes to the other side of the ring, springboards with his back facing Lyne, and attempts the Arch-Angel (moonsault Van Terminator w/out the chair). However, at the last split-second, Lyne pulls himself up to a sitting positiion, and Nathaniel hits nothing. Nathaniel rolls over, onto his back, as Lyne scales to the top rope. He signals for it.........and the Crop Circle connects! Jacob goes for the cover.............1..............2...............3! MC: Two wins in a role for the “Role Model”! COACH: I know Caboose is the one that usually mocks you, but that was a really lame pun. Nonetheless, Jacob Lyne is really shining here! FINK: The next competitor....the Black Diamond! Diamond runs into the ring, and immediately gets a baseball slide to the face, sending him back outside. Lyne then scales to the top rope, and waits for Diamond to get up. When he does, Lyne launches off and connects with a breath-taking 450 plancha! After about seven seconds of lying and clutching his ribs, Lyne gets up, and slides Diamond back into the ring. Lyne climbs to the apron, and connects with a slingshot senton. Lyne goes for the cover, but Diamond immediately gets his foot on the bottom rope for the rope break. Lyne punches Diamond in the face twice, but Diamond punches back. Both men get to their feet, and a punch-fest develops. Eventually, Diamond gets the upper hand, and is able to grab Lyne for an Irish whip. Diamond clutches Lyne on the way back, and basically hits an inverted version of the Side Effect. Diamond then backs up into the corner, and comes back with his own version of the Running Shooting Star Press. Black Diamond goes for the cover...........1...........2.........kickout. MC: I’m sure that, since he performs the move regularly as well, that Jacob Lyne would know how to take it. Black Diamond pulls Jacob Lyne to his feet, and whips him to the ropes. Jacob leapfrogs over Diamond, while at the same time hitting him in the back of the head so he’d be bent over. Jacob comes off from the other end, and nails a tremendous Idolizer (Running Flipping Tomikaze/Unprettier)! Lyne goes for the cover............1.............2............kickout. Lyne then attempts to pull Diamond up, but Diamond grabs Lyne’s left leg, scores an inverted Finley roll into a bridge pin...........1............2.....Lyne forearms Diamond in the chest, breaking the pin. Both men get up, and Lyne goes for a superkick. However, Diamond catches the foot. Black Diamond throws the foot up, but Jacob somehow does a superhuman standing front flip, and catches Diamond with a back elbow as soon as he lands on his feet. While Diamond is stumbling around, Lyne goes to the apron. He then springboards and connects with a missile dropkick, sending Diamond face-first into the middle turnbuckle. MC: Great agility by Jacob Lyne! This kid really could be the future, ya know? Lyne runs, and takes a seat on the top turnbuckle. He then hooks Diamond’s head in a cravate, and connects with his signature one-and-a-half flip twisting neckbreaker out of the corner! Jacob holds onto Diamond’s head, gets to his feet, hooks the arm, and nails a devastating brainbuster! Lyne hooks Diamond’s legs with his own for a small package...........1..................2...................3! COACH: Jacob Lyne, innovating his way to another victory in the gauntlet! MC: Indeed! FINK: Ladies and gentlement, the next participant.....Sly Sommers! Sly runs to the ring, sarcastically applauding Jacob’s efforts thus far. Jacob is about ready to throw a punch when Sly stops him, and says, “Dude, let’s do that technical stuff!” Jacob nods unsurely, as Sly sticks out his hand for a Greco-Roman knucklelock. Jacob reaches in for it, but then Sly switches hands. Jacob switches hands himself, and reaches out. But then, Sly pulls his arm in, and knees Jacob in the mid-section. He keeps ahold of Lyne, and nails a stiff right hand to Jacob’s jaw. CABOOSE: Sorry I dozed off there. Man, that was just swell! MC: Only you would think that. Jacob flies back, and lands, kneeled by the ropes, with his throat across the middle rope. Sly then attempts a Bossman-like running guillotine jump. But, Lyne moves at the last second, and Sommers bounces off of the ropes, crotch-first. After about five seconds, both men get up, Sly holding his testicles. Lyne shoots for a waistlock, but Sly reverses by grabbing the right arm, and pulling Jacob in for a short-arm clothesline. Sommers then ridiculously kisses his bicep, and drops an elbow drop. Sommers does a lazy, lying cover.....1........2......Lyne grabs Sly’s arm, and brings him over for a crucifix pin.........1.........2.......kickout. Both men get back up, and Lyne nails a twisting sleeper drop. Lyne gets right up, and connects with a somersault legdrop. Cover............1..........2....kickout. Lyne tries to pull Sly up, but Sly sneaks in a crotch shot. Sly then puts Lyne on his shoulders Death Valley Driver-style, and nails a TKO. Sommers then goes to the second rope, and does a Davy Jones/Axl Rose-like “snake sliver” dance for no reason whatsoever. He then attempts a fistdrop, but he gave Jacob enough time to roll out of the way. CABOOSE: Jacob has a rocket up his ass in order to move that fast! Check the anus, referee! MC: I’m speechless. COACH: So that’s why your name’s Caboose? As Sly is holding his fist in pain, while on his knees, Lyne charges at him, and connects with a Shining Enziguri. Lyne hooks Sly’s available arm around his leg, and scores with La Magistral........1........2.......Sly tilts the roll so Jacob’s shoulders are on the mat.......1........2.........Jacob switches the cradle back to its original format..........1.........2.......Sly goes to his cradle.........1..........2.....Jacob goes back to La Magistral............1..........2.......Sly thumbs Jacob in the eye to break the cradle. Both men up, with Lyne holding his eye. Sly attempts to imitate Jacob earlier in the gauntlet, with the “jump on the back, then do a ‘rana” move. However, Jacob saw it coming, and reversed with a sitdown powerbomb. However, Sly’s arm convienently was outside the ring, so the referee broke the pin. Lyne pulls Sly out of the ropes, and catches Sly’s foot when he attempts a kick to the groin. He then locks the leg in a spinning toe hold, grabs Sly’s other leg, and rolls forward, into a lucha-style cradle.......1..............2.............3! COACH: Jacob Lyne’s done it again! CABOOSE: Isn’t that cradle banned in forty-seven states, including Alaska? MC: No, you dimwit! FINK: Introducing the next competitor.....Leon Rodez! Rodez runs to ringside, and instead of wrestling, he goes to the second rope and swivels his hips to the females in the front row. Jacob comes up behind Leon, goes between his legs, and powerbombs him off of the second rope. Lyne goes for the cover..........1............2.....kickout. Jacob pulls Leon up, and sends him to the ropes. Lyne nails a straight-forward Hydeen Bomb, and goes for the cover again........1.......2.....kickout again. Lyne goes to the second rope, and waits. When Leon stumbles to his feet, Lyne attempts a tornado flatliner. However, Rodez turns it into a Catatonic-like takedown, or an inverted Hero Sandwich #2, dropping Jacob back-first across his knee. Rodez then turns Lyne onto his stomach, and locks in an inverted camel clutch, but with only one arm hooking the head, with the other arrogantly blowing a kiss to a lady. MC: I usually like this guy, but the arrogance is getting to be a little much here, CABOOSE: You like Leon Rodez? Flaming flame of homosexual flame! Within thirty seconds, Lyne makes it to his knees, and Leon has to hold on with both hands. For some reason, Lyne starts to climb the corner. He gets to the second rope, and then grabs Leon’s head, over his shoulder. Jacob then drops down to the mat, in a brutal second-rope piggyback stunner (Dark City Street Cutter! However, Lyne’s starting to show weakness in his back, and cannot make the cover immediately. But, he does make it to his feet, and nails an incredible standing shooting star press right before Leon tries to get up! Jacob goes for the cover...........1.........2.....kickout! Jacob shrugs, and pulls Rodez up. Jacob goes for the brainbuster, but Rodez reverses with a state roll....1....2....Lyne pushes Rodez off. Rodez comes off of the ropes, and attempts a Shining Wizard onto a kneeling “Role Model”. However, Lyne ducks the Shining Wizard, spins Leon around, hooks the head and arm, and nails a brainbuster. Jacob then keeps ahold of Leon’s head and arm, turns around, stands up, and nails a second brutal brainbuster in a row! Jacob goes for the pin...............1.....................2..................3! He got ‘em! MC: Jacob Lyne has now worked through his sixth opponent in succession, the leader in total wins thus far! COACH: He only has to hold on for around twenty more minutes in order to become the new X-Division Champion! FINK: Introducing the next contestant......Scotty Static! However, while the music’s playing, no one comes out. The referee starts to count down...........1!..............2!........3!......4!..........5!........6!......7!.......8!.........9!.........10! Scotty Static has lost this round via forfeit! MC: Damn you, Andrew! Damn you, Gibraltar! CABOOSE: It’s called human chess. St. Andrew just had to break out his star rook. FINK: Introducing the next contestant.....St. Andrew! Andrew runs into the ring, but gets three punches blocked in a row. Jacob then connects with three rapid-fire right jabs to Andrew’s jaw, and whips him off to the ropes. Lyne then connects with a really high elevated back drop. Andrew pops up, and Lyne dropkicks him over the top rope, and to the floor! Lyne then runs to the other side, comes off of the ropes, and nails a spectacular Flosberry Flop (no-touch dive, twisting directions in mid-air to a moonsault), landing on his feet! Jacob immediately tosses Andrew into the ring, and goes up top. Jacob then nails a twisting swanton, and goes for the cover.........1...........2....Andrew gets his foot on the rope. Jacob pulls Andrew up, and into the corner, as he holds his back in pain. Jacob then goes to the apron, and attempts a slingshot headscissors takedown. However, Andrew catches Lyne over his shoulder mid-move, walks forward, and nails a Northern Lights bomb, dropping Jacob on top of his skull! Andrew goes for the cover..........1..........2........kickout. Andrew pulls Lyne up, and shoves him in the same corner to hold him up. Andrew then hooks Jacob’s arm and head, and nails four rolling snap suplexes, going from one side of the ring, to the other. Andrew holds onto the suplex position when he gets up the next time, but hooks one of Jacob’s legs with his other arm. Andrew then nails a disgusting fisherman’s buster, dropping Lyne on his head! MC: How can Jacob Lyne take any more of this punishment?!?!?! CABOOSE: He can’t, and that’s what I like about this: St. Andrew is making the glutton for punishment pay with an overload of it! Ha ha ha ha! Andrew crosses himself, and then goes for the cover.............1................2..........kickout! Andrew’s irate at the referee. Andrew then wastes about ten seconds arguing with the referee. While this is going on, Jacob pushes himself to his feet, and scores a surprise state roll from behind on Andrew......1.....2......Andrew pushes Jacob off to the ropes. For some reason, Lyne then catapults himself to a standing position on the apron. Andrew charges at Jacob, and Jacob connects with a shoulder charge in between the ropes. Andrew stumbles around, holding his mid-section. Lyne springboards off of the top rope, but Andrew turns around to nail a devastating STO takedown in mid-air! Andrew goes for the cover.............1...............2...........Andrew hooks the leg too far, and accidentally pulls Jacob off of his shoulders. Andrew then turns Jacob over, and goes for another pin.............1.............2...........kickout! Andrew cannot believe it! Andrew pulls Jacob up, and hooks his head for The End. However, Jacob connects with two punches to Matthew’s jaw, and gets switched to a front facelock position. Jacob then connects with a Northern Lights suplex. However, he’s not satisfied with that. He rolls through, and tries for something else. MC: What could Lyne possibly be thinking? He had him pinned right there! Lyne tries for another Northern Lights suplex, but Andrew punches him in the stomach to block it. Andrew switches his position, and attempts to pick Lyne up for a slam. However, Jacob slips out the back end. Andrew turns around, Jacob scoops him up......and connects with a vicious-looking Lyne Driver! Jacob hooks the leg for the pin.............1..................2..................3! COACH: Yet again, the “Role Model”’s pulled another victory out of his ass! CABOOSE: I wish he’d pull a gun out of his ass and end his own misery! FINK: The next participant...............Minion Michael! No one comes out of the entrance when Michael is supposed to. But, all of a sudden, Michael sneaks out from underneath the ring, and forearms Jacob Lyne in the back of the head! CABOOSE: Yet another masterful step from the Communion! MC: That’s a bunch of bullcrap! He never left the ringside area! COACH: Unfortunately, we must, must, MUST take our final commercial break! We will be back with the concluding ten minutes of this exciting Time-Gauntlet contest!

MC: We are back, here on HeldDOWN~!, and, when we last left you, Sly Sommers had just defeated AJ Flaire to knock him out of the X-Spot and be the fore-runner in this gauntlet. COACH: As soon as we left you, Leon Rodez joined the contest. So far, this has been all Rodez. Rodez whips Sommers off to the ropes, and nails a super-high standing spinkick. Amazingly, in one fluid motion, he spins around on one foot and nails a flipping senton. Rodez goes for the cover.........1.......2.....Sly kicks out. Rodez pulls Sommers up, and shoves him into a corner. Rodez then goes for a ten-punch.....1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9........Rodez takes time out to swivel for all the ladies, but Sommers takes advantage of the mental error, grabs Rodez’s legs, walks forward, and nails an inverted atomic drop. Sly comes off the ropes as Rodez is hopping around, holding his groin, and nearly knocks his head off with a lariat! CABOOSE: That’s what you get for being an idiot and throwing your ridiculously huge penis out there like that! COACH: Homo say what? CABOOSE: What? MC: BURN! Sommers goes for the lazy cover.....1.....2....kickout. Sly gets up, and goes for a Ted DiBiase-like standing fistdrop. However, Leon rolls over, and Sommers connects with all mat. Leon hops up, and connects with an Oklahoma roll out of nowhere......1.......2........2 9/10.....kickout! Both men back up, and Rodez blocks a punch from Sly, and gives him one of his own, sending Sly flying back to the ropes. Sly bounces back, and Rodez puts Sly on his shoulders horizontally. Rodez then goes to a corner, runs forward, and nails an inverted Finley roll, combined with his signature running swanton. Rodez hops up from the roll, springboards to the middle rope, and nails a perfect quebrada. Leon goes for the cover.........1...........2.........Sommers kicks out. Rodez signals that the end is upcoming. Leon then pulls Sly to his feet, and whips him to the ropes. Sly bounces back, and Rodez attempts his signature spinning tornado DDT. However, at the last split-second, Sly hooks both of Rodez’s legs around his mid-section, hooks Leon’s head to break the front facelock of the DDT, and nails one hell of a cradle DDT! Sly goes for the cover........1.........2.......Rodez gets his foot on the ropes. Sly then goes to the second rope. When Rodez is able to get to his feet, Sly launches off. However, Leon just plasters Sly with an amazing superkick. Rodez goes up top, and signals for his finishing 450 Splash, Because the Lady Loves. MC: This might be it for the former X-Division Champ, and current World Television Champion of a dead company! CABOOSE: Shut up! Just like Elvis, WCW will never die! Rodez blows a kiss to one of the women in the crowd, and takes a bunch of time on the top rope. When he launches off, Sly gets a burst of energy, and moves out of the way. Sommers pulls himself up as Rodez is laid out on the mat. He gets in position behind Leon as he pushes himself up. Sly then clutches Leon, and nails a snap version of his USA High Angle Backdrop! Sommers goes for the pin.........1........2.........3! CABOOSE: That’s two down, and a crapload to go! FINK: Introducing the next competitor, Scotty Static! Static runs to the ring, but halfway down the ramp, some fan sticks out a sign and seemingly knocks Static out with it. The “fan” hops over the guardrail, and it turns out to be St. Andrew! He rips the sign to reveal a stop sign inside. The monster known as Gibraltar then marches from the back, and picks up Static by the throat. He then drags Static to the top of the entrance ramp, and tosses him with one hand into the wall, back-first! Gibraltar pulls Static up again,this time by the goozle, crosses himself, and nails a brutal chokebreaker, across his gigantic knee! Nearly the entire security force in the building comes out, and tries to order Gibraltar to the back, but he fights through them all with headbutts and punches. St. Andrew then simply points, and sends the man-monster to the locker room! MC: That’s amazing, how much St. Andrew has brainwashed this juggernaunt of destruction, to just simply stick his finger out and be able to control him! COACH: But why have they targetted the Global Party Exchange? CABOOSE: I have no clue, but watching that pretty boy fly and die like that was fun! MC: As wrong as that was, the referee has had no choice but to count this as a forfeit win for Sly Sommers. FINK: The next participant........St. Andrew! Andrew takes advantage of being close to the ring by casually strolling instead of running down the aisle like everyone else. For some reason, he simply stares at Sly when he walks into the ring, playing bizarre mind games. Sommers seems sort of freaked out for a second, but then charges at Andrew. Andrew side-steps, sending Sly stomach-first into the corner. Andrew then hooks Sly’s head, and goes for an early finish with The End. However, Sly lands on his feet behind Andrew, and tosses him over the top rope, and to the floor. Andrew gets to his feet, and Sly hits a pescado, wiping Andrew out on the floor. Sommers then tosses Andrew into the ring, and goes up top. When Andrew gets up, however, he knows what’s coming, and shakes the top rope to crotch Sly on the top turnbuckle. Andrew then goes to the second rope, and attempts a superplex. However, Sly nails two European uppercuts, and sends Andrew to the mat. Sly then scales to the top rope again. When Andrew gets to his feet, Sly goes for the same top rope lariat that he nearly decapitated Andrew with during the Parental Indiscretion match last week, but Andrew had it scouted, and rolled out of the way. MC: Obviously, Andrew’s been studying up on his match tapes. CABOOSE: What’d you think, just because someone is as brilliantly evil as Andrew, that he can’t go back and study his matches? Sly lands on his feet, and both men run at each other. They do a quasi-doe-si-doe in the middle of the ring, switch directions, and come off of the ropes. Sly goes for a flying headscissors, but Andrew is somehow able to stop his momentum mid-move. He hooks Sly’s head while he’s upside down......and drops him with The End! Andrew goes for the cover........1..........2............3! MC: I’ve got to admit, that was one hell of a reversal there! COACH: I’ve honestly never seen that before! CABOOSE: You also haven’t seen bare breasts in person, but yeah, very innovative move by my savior! FINK: The next contestant, Minion Michael! Michael runs to the ring, bows in front of Andrew, and lays down, flat on his back. Andrew pins Michael....1....2....3. Michael then crosses himself, and runs to the back. COACH: Come on, what a ripoff! CABOOSE: Brilliant, I say, brilliant! FINK: The final participant in the first cycle, Mad Matt! Matt limps out to the ring, and Andrew targets the leg of Matt’s with stomps as soon as he rolls into the ring. Andrew then drags Matt to the center of the ring by his bad leg, and locks in a figure-four leglock. Matt angrily tries to reach forward and punch Andrew, but bends his leg even worse every time he attempts to. The crowd gets behind Matt with rhythmic claps, and he gets the strength within to turn the figure-four around, putting the pressure on Andrew’s leg. Andrew quickly crawls to the ropes to break the hold. Both men get to their feet, and Andrew nails a low basement dropkick to Matt’s right knee. Andrew then picks up the right leg, and nails a series of seven repetitive front kicks to Matt’s leg. Andrew then drags Matt back center-ring by the leg, and locks in a half-crab. Matt screams in pain, but flips off the referee when he asks for a submission. Andrew then starts throwing punches at Matt’s knee to add to the pain, but Matt still refuses to give in. MC: This is incredible! CABOOSE: Yeah, yeah. I woke up this morning, broke my leg walking to the couch, still got up to get my breakfast, and pulled all my tendons there, and STILL had the strength to kill fourteen Commies in my front yard! COACH: What in the hell....? Andrew then hooks Matt’s left ankle behind his right knee, to create a version of CM Punk’s one-armed Texas Cloverleaf. Matt continues to scream in pain, and even gets a few feet forward to attempt and get a rope break, but Andrew’s grip is too tight. After over two minutes in the same hold, Andrew finally gives up, and drops the lock. Andrew kicks the bottom turnbuckle in frustration. Matt has to use the referee in order to pull himself to his feet. Andrew then runs at Matt, but somehow, Matt is able to duck the clothesline, and quickly hook Andrew’s arms behind his back. He then rolls Andrew forward, with his arms trapped and his shoulders on the mat...........1............2......................3! MC: Whoa! COACH: Somehow, someway, Mad Matt was able to subsidiate the extreme pain in his right leg to nail a quick double chicken-wing front cradle for the upset win! CABOOSE: I demand a recount! FINK: Going into our second cycle, re-welcome “The Role Model” Jacob Lyne! Lyne jogs to the ring, but comes to a sudden stop when he sees St. Andrew getting a metal folding chair, and threatening him if he comes any further. Andrew then pulls Matt outside the ring, and starts to re-create the damage he perputrated on Sunday, destroying Matt’s knee with the chair. All of a sudden, AJ Flaire comes from the back, and runs St. Andrew off, into the crowd! The referee, a couple of EMT’s, and Flaire look over Matt’s knee, as the clock for this contest comes to a brief stop to get things settled. Flaire asks for a mic. AJ: Listen, man, there’s no way you’re going through with this next match, with your knee the way it is. I’ll volunteer to take my slot early, and take Matt’s place. MATT: (bleep) NO! You’re not screwing me over! I’m wrestling this piece of (bleep) right now! Get off of me! MC: Matt’s ordering everyone off of him, and is somehow crawling into the ring under his own power! As soon as Matt is able to crawl into the ring, the clock is re-started at 40:35. Lyne goes into the ring, a little wary, and tries to make sure that Matt’s okay. Matt yells at him, “Wrestle, you dumbass!” Lyne refuses, so Matt hooks Jacob in a small package.........1.........2.......Lyne kicks out, and kicks Matt in the face. Lyne then grabs Matt’s right leg, bends it across his left calf, and then hooks his right leg over Matt’s right ankle. Lyne then twists it over, into a really wacky lucha-style submission. Lyne twists and turns the lock, applying more and more pressure, until Matt’s body can’t take it any longer, and he passes out! MC: I must applaud the intestinal fortitude of Mad Matt, holding out until the exact breaking point! CABOOSE: That just means he’s an idiot, since, unless two guys battle for a really long time, he’s gonna have another turn coming up, and his leg will be as useful as Play-Doh holding Gibraltar’s huge ass! FINK: Introducing the next contestant, “The Phenomonal” AJ Flaire! Flaire runs to the ring, and sort of scolds Lyne for what he did. Jacob shrugs his shoulders and puts his hand out. AJ slaps it, and mouths, “Let’s do this shit again.” They go to their neutral corners, and then circle around each other. They go into a collar-and-elbow tie-up center-ring, and Lyne gets started with a front chancery. Flaire goes down to one knee quickly, and reverses with a fireman’s carry takeover. Flaire goes for a reverse chinlock, but Lyne quickly bridges to his feet and nails a snapmare. Lyne then goes for a Hennig neck snap, but Flaire rolls to his side. Lyne rolls forward, and both men pop up. Lyne runs at Flaire, and gets tossed over the top rope for his trouble. However, Lyne lands with his feet on the apron. AJ charges at Lyne, who then goes for a shoulder charge in between the ropes. But, Flaire avoids it by jumping over the top rope, and attempting a sunset bomb. But, Jacob gets out of that by slingshotting himself into the ring, and rolling onto his feet. Flaire slides into the ring, and runs at Jacob. Lyne sidesteps him, and Flaire comes off the ropes from the other end. Lyne bends over for a backdrop, but Flaire switches directions in mid-air and tumbles over Lyne’s back. Jacob turns around, and we have a stalemate! MC: Again, another incredible sequence from two great wrestlers! They slap hands, and then go into a Greco-Roman knucklelock. Neither man can power over the other, so Lyne hops upward, puts his feet on AJ’s stomach, and attempts a monkey flip. However, he can’t get Flaire over, so they end up with Lyne on his back, feet up, and Flaire laying stomach-first on top of Jacob’s feet, with their knuckles locked. Flaire uses the momentum from a forward movement to hop forward, but Lyne brings him back in with a sunset flip cradle........1........2.......Flaire rolls out, grabs Lyne’s legs, and attempts the Good Taste. However, Lyne crawls in reverse, and gets to the middle rope. Flaire lets go, and Lyne does a reverse skin-the-cat, ending up on the apron. Flaire charges at Lyne, and gets a shoulder charge to the mid-section for his troubles. Lyne then springboards to the top rope, steps with both feet on AJ’s back, hops up, and sends AJ to the outside with a great hurricanrana! COACH: That was one heck of a move there by Jacob Lyne, sending his even advesary to the outside! You have anything to add, Caboose? CABOOSE: Nah. I’m going to sleep. Lemme know when someone utilizes a choke, or pulls the tights. Lyne then bounces off of the ropes from the other end, charges, and nails one hell of a corkscrew tope suicida, onto a prone AJ Flaire! Lyne then climbs up the guardrail, and slaps hands with a few fans. Lyne climbs down the guardrail, and tosses AJ into the ring. Lyne goes up top, and signals for the Crop Circle again. He flips, but Flaire kips up right before the landing. Jacob somehow is able to land on his feet, and AJ goes off to the ropes. Jacob leapfrogs over AJ, who then hits a handspring coming off of the other side. AJ backflips over Lyne, who then goes to the ropes. He bounces off, but AJ catches him with a tilt-a-whirl chestbuster. Lyne stays kneeled down, and Flaire springboards off of the second rope, turning around with a dropkick. Flaire goes for the cover............1..........2.........kickout. Flaire pulls Lyne up, and shoves him into a corner. Flaire lights up Jacob’s chest with four stiff chops. Flaire then forearms Jacob in the face, who stumbles forward. Flaire then springboards to the second rope, and attempts a Rewind ‘Rana. However, Lyne catches AJ, and nails one hell of a Running Ligerbomb! COACH: Looks like Lyne might have AJ’s number! 1...........2............Flaire reaches up and grabs the bottom rope. Lyne rolls backwards, and grabs Flaire’s feet. But, AJ clutches the bottom rope with both hands. Lyne tries launching Flaire in the air by his bottom half, but AJ ends up reversing that with an inverted ‘rana, sending Jacob flying to the outside. AJ gets up, signals for something, and then runs to the opposite ropes. He bounces back, and catches Lyne, who had just gotten up, with an amazing no-touch twisting torpedo tope! Flaire immediately rolls Jacob back into the ring, but has to take a second to rest. When he gets rested up, Flaire heads to the apron. When Lyne makes it to his feet, AJ springboards to the top rope. However, Lyne ducks AJ’s flying martial arts kick. AJ lands on his feet, but Lyne turns him around, and hooks him in the brainbuster. AJ lands on his feet behind Jacob, and shoves him off to the ropes. AJ goes for a standing bodypress, but he flies at Lyne too close to the ropes, and, instead of falling backwards, Jacob ends up standing, carrying Flaire in a slam position. Lyne notices his position, gets to the center of the ring, and DRILLS AJ with the Lyne Driver! Jacob goes for the cover.............1............2................3! MC: Jacob Lyne has just pinned the HeldDOWN~! X-Division Champion! COACH: That was one hell of a win, and these two provided, yet again, some of the most back-and-forth action we’ve seen in a long time! FINK: Introducing the next participant, Minion Nathaniel! Nathaniel slides into the ring, angry about his quick loss in his last chance, and starts nailing stiff, stiff kicks to the head and ribs of Jacob. After about ten, he pulls Jacob up, and whips him off to the ropes. Nathaniel then connects with the Dropsault. Nathaniel goes for a quick pin.......1............2.........kickout. Nathaniel gets up, and connect with a snap legdrop. He pops up, and connects with another. Nathaniel then comes off of the ropes, and nails a third. Nathaniel goes for the cover....1......2....another kickout. Nathaniel attempts to pull Lyne up, but Lyne elbows Nathaniel in the mid-section twice. Lyne then comes off of the ropes, but Nathaniel catches him with a spinning uranage. Nathaniel then goes to the apron. He follows up with a slingshot change-of-direction legdrop. Nathaniel goes for the cover.........1...........2......kickout. Nathaniel pulls Lyne up, and puts him in position for the Beckoning (Widow’s Peak), but, after lifting Jacob over his shoulder, Jacob slips out of grip, and nails a sunset flip........1............2...........kickout. Both men pop up, but Nathaniel nails one hell of an STO takedown. COACH: So far, Nathaniel looks to be avenging his earlier embarrasment quite well. MC: Unfortunately, we must take our next-to-last commercial break of this contest. More to come with this situation, as HeldDOWN~! rolls on!