Zack Malibu

Cole: If I had to use one word to describe last week's tag team invitational, it would be awesome. Coach: Agreed. It was an awesome and star studded match that saw our world champion and Zack Malibu score a victory over CWM and Chave and the mega team of Mister Warrior and Superstar. Cole: I think that this weeks tag team invitational has every chance of being as exciting as last weeks. Coach: No diggetey! We've got the new tag team, GPX, Lyne and Rhodez, Gunner and J. Arthur and the wacky tag team that hates each other in Brock-a-by baby Ausstin and Panther. Cole: Let's go to David Penzer Coach: Dude, that's Michael Buffer. Cole: Oh. Buffer: Ladies and Gentlemen....the following is a tag team invitational match to be competed under elimination rules! The winners of the match will get a title shot at the World Tag Team champions T....N.....T! *Cue "Make Her Say" by O-Town" Cole: Here come the New Kids on the block! No pun intended. The crowd goes wild as strobe lights begin to flicker across the arena. Some of the more rhythm oriented audience members begin to dance to the beat. Others nod their head to the funked out tune. Buffer: Making their way to the ring, from Hotlanta, GA and the 313 respectively.... Scotty Static...Johnny Jam Jackson......the Global Party Xchange! Scotty hits the ring and bust out some dance moves, while Johnny high fives some fans in the front row. Coach: They remind me of the Boogie Nights 2K3, only with less homoerotic undertones. "Make her say" is replaced by "State Prop". The crowd gets on their feet as the odd couple of Panther and Brock emerge from the back. Brock is barking out orders to his teammate, who for his part isn't paying attention to manimal! Buffer: Now making their way to the ring...they are a match made in hell......Panther and Brock Ausstin. *Cue "Money" by Pink Floyd* Buffer:Coming to the ring, at a combined weight of 535 pounds, representing UGW, they are being accompanied by Hoff...the team of J. ARTHUR EDWARDS and GUNNER SHARPS!!!! Crowd: Hoff sucks! Hoff sucks! Hoff sucks! CUE: Nitro (Youth Energy) by The Offspring MICHAEL BUFFER Coming to the ring, at a combined weight of 425 pounds, the team of LEON RODEZ and JACOB LYNE!!!! Rodez and Lyne come charging out of the back. They hit the ring hard, causing Gunner and Edwards to bail. Lyne points a meanincing finger at Edwards, letting him know that his ass is about to feel the PAIN~~~~~~!!!~~~!! Cole: All four teams are here. Care to make a prediction on who will win this match, Coach? Coach: We're all winners for being able to witness such a marvelous athletic spectacle. The ref orders everyone not named Scotty Static and Panther out of the ring. *DING DING DING* Exchange of punches between the two warriors. Side headlock by Scotty, Panther pushes him into the ropes, but Scotty knocks Panther down with a shoulderblock. Scotty runs the ropes again, Panther ducks under, Scotty charges, leapfrog by Panther, Scotty charges again, but is met by a dropkick. Panther grabs Scotty, hooks him up, and hits a T-Bone suplex! Panther gets up quickly and forcefully tags in Brock. Brock looks at Panther and goes straight over to Scotty. Brock hits a hard right hand on Scotty, and goes for the Irish whip. Scotty reverses, but is met by a CLOTHESLINE OF MASS DESTRUCTION by Brock. Coach: Damn! Brock picks Scotty up again and gives him an Irish whip. Brock goes for a clothesline but Scotty ducks under. Scotty comes off the ropes and hits a big Spinning Heelkick! Brock gets up quickly and the two men exchange right hands. Scotty gets the upper hand with a knee to the gut. Scotty runs to the ropes, bounces off and hits Brock with a flying head scissors! Brock gets up and stumbles back to the corner. Scotty throws him back to the center of the ring with a monkey flip! Scotty runs over to Brock and straight away hits a standing shooting star press!!! Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit! Cole: What athleticism by Scotty there! Scotty makes a quick tag to Gunner, while Brock rolls over and Panther slaps him on the back to tag himself in. Gunner walks over to Panther and the two men exchange words. Right hand by Panther, and Gunner fires one straight back. Panther kicks Gunner in the knee, and hits him with a high dropkick t the head! Gunner gets up and Panther goes for a clothesline, Gunner ducks and hits a hard Full Nelson Slam! Gunner goes flying towards the ropes. Panther's partner Brock goes over to Gunner and punches him in the back of the head! Gunner turns around and throws a wild hay maker at Brock. Brock catches Gunners arm and slams into the ropes. Panther comes over and nails Gunner with side Russian leg sweep! Coach: That's team work right there. I can't believe they're actually functioning as a unit. Cole: We're only two minutes into the match. Give em some time, they'll self destruct soon enough. Panther leads Gunner over to the GPX's corner. He makes the tag to Johnny Jam Jackson. Jackson goes for a tornado DDT but Gunner throws him off. Jackson charges at Gunner but gets caught with a MOTHER FUCKING IMPACT SPEAR!!!!!! Half of Jackson's body is folded over Gunner's shoulder before he hits the ground with a thud. Gunner looks over at Lyne and Rodez and shouts “You’re next bitches!” Cole: I'm guessing that hurt. Coach: Yeah, just a little bit. Gunner throws Jackson over to the Lyne/Rodez corner and Jacob Lyne tags himself in. Lyne runs straight at Gunner and ducks a clothesline. Lyne runs at Gunner and hits a dropkick to the knee! Gunner goes down to one leg, Lyne comes off the ropes and hits a front dropkick to the face! Lyne tags in Rodez who goes straight up top, and hits “Because The Lady Loves” 450 Splash! Cole: Its over! UGW is going to be eliminated! 1… 2… NO!! J. Arthur comes in and breaks up the three count! Rodez signals for a shining wizard. He comes off the ropes, but Gunner dodges the kick! Rodez turns around, but Gunner catches him by the throat! MOTHER FUCKING CHOKESLAM on Rodez! Gunner throws Rodez to the Panther/Brock corner and points at Brock. Cole: Gunner wants Ausstin! The two big men might be going at it here! Brock hits Rodez on the back to tag himself in and gets face to face with Gunner Sharps. Cole: Imagine these two colliding! What a match this would be! And you can only see it on Held Down! The two mammoths lock up. Brock gets the early advantage and pushes Gunner into the corner. Hard shoulder spears by Brock in the corner. Brock comes out of the corner and Gunner runs at him. Brock catches Gunner and nails him with an Overhead Belly to Belly Suplex! Cole: That shook the ring! Brock picks Gunner up and puts him over his shoulders! Cole: Look at the strength! He’s going to try and give him the F-Stunner 5! Brock sets Gunner up for the F-Stunner 5, but Gunner slips off! Brock turns around, and Gunner grabs him around the throat and delivers another FUCKING CHOKESLAM to Brock Ausstin! Gunner stumbles back, and Brock rolls over to the GPX corner, where Jackson tags himself in. Jackson charges Gunner, but Gunner grabs him with both arms and flings him into the corner. Gunner pounds on Jackson with a series of closed left fist. He puts Jackson into a vertical suplex position and then slams onto the ropes. He tags in Edwards, who nails the rope bound Jackson with a fame asser! Edward's grabs the back of Jackson's head and rubs his face into the sweat soaked canvas. Edward's brings Jackson to his feet. He puts him onto his shoulder and hits a fireman's carry slam! Edwards picks Jackson up again and hits a Brianbuster! Edwards makes a mad dash for Jacob Lyne and nails him with a right cross! Cole: That's uncalled for. Lyne isn't even in the darn match! Coach: But it does show that The Underground still hasn’t forgiven Lyne for leaving them. The ref admonishes Edwards. Jackson sneaks behind Edwards and gets a waist lock. Edwards reverses and goes behind Jackson. He wraps his arm around Jackson's waist and goes for a German suplex. Jackson flips out and tags Scotty Static on his landing! Scotty climbs to the top rope. Edwards tries to take him out but is cut off by Jackson! Jackson lifts Edwards into a vertical suplex position; he tosses the scummy lawyer to Static who hits a flying pile driver! Coach: They call that the designated driver! Cole: I think Edward's is going to need one after that sick move. Pin attempt by Static 1....2....3! Buffer: Gunner and J.Arthur Edwards have been ELIMINATED! Coach: So long! Nice knowing you. Cole: Let the door hit ya on the way out! Buffer: Gunner and J.Arthur Edwards have been ELIMINATED! Coach: So long! Nice knowing you. Cole: Let the door hit ya on the way out! Rodez takes Gunner's place in the ring is promptly drilled with a leg lariat! Rodez rolls around on the mat, clutching his jaw until Static pulls him back to his feet. He hooks Rodez's arm over his head and takes him over with a snap suplex, quickly followed up by a spinning leg drop to the neck. Quick cover... 1... 2... Kickout by Rodez. Static with a handful of hair brings Rodez back to his feet and back into the GPX buckle, where he makes a quick tag to Jackson. Jackson enters the ring, and the pair begins going to work in the corner, hammering Rodez with kicks and punches before the official ushers Static out to the apron. Jackson, with a handful of hair leads Rodez out towards the center of the ring, where he takes him over with a snap mare, quickly followed up with a basement dropkick to the back of the head. As Rodez writhes in pain on the mat, Jackson runs to the ropes, and comes off with a second basement dropkick, this one catching Rodez square in the face! Cole: What impact by Jackson! Rodez is in a bad way here. Jackson again attempts to bring Rodez back to his feet, but gets doubled over with a hard right to the gut by Rodez. A second to the jaw sends Jackson staggering back into the ropes. Rodez springs back to his feet, and runs to the ropes opposite Jackson, but as he's coming off, he catches a HARD knee to the small of the back from Brock Ausstin, drawing boos from the crowd. Cole: What a cheap shot by Ausstin! Rodez staggers out towards the center of the ring holding his lower back, and Jackson quickly capitalizes on Brock's interference, lifting him up in a bearhug...holding him in the air briefly before swinging him around with a devastating uranage slam! Cover by Jackson...he hooks the leg... 1... 2... Lyne breaks up the fall with a hard boot to the head of Jackson. Lyne turns to exit the ring, but before stepping out to the apron, he runs at Brock and catches him on the jaw with a HARD forearm, drawing a loud pop from the crowd. Angered, Brock climbs into the ring and goes after Lyne, but the referee holds him back. Brock and the official argue for a moment as Lyne climbs back out to the apron. Meanwhile, Jackson pulls Rodez to his feet, and attempts a clothesline, but Rodez ducks, slips behind Jackson, leaps onto his shoulders and takes him over in a victory roll! Cole: Victory roll by Rodez! The shoulders are down... Coach: But Brock's got the ref!!! Cole: Rodez could have this thing won here! Turn around, ref! Brock returns to the apron and the ref finally turns around and spots the pinfall. He slides into position and makes the count... 1... 2... NO SIR! Jackson able to kick out before the count of 3! Cole: What a bad break for Rodez there! Both men quickly back to their feet, and Rodez catches Jackson with an inverted atomic drop. A second one, followed by a right hand that sends Jackson into the ropes. Rodez sends Jackson in with an Irish whip...Jackson ducks a clothesline coming off the ropes. He runs to the other side, but Rodez catches him coming off with a huracanrana! He hooks both legs... 1... 2... Static enters the ring to break up the fall, but Jackson kicks out just before the count of 3. At this point, Rodez springs back to his feet and floors Static with a hard right hand. Jackson back to his feet, and he gets floored with a right as well. A standing spinkick by Rodez sends Static stumbling to the apron. Then, as Jackson gets back to his feet, Rodez hits off the ropes and runs at Jackson with an attempted flying headscissors... But Jackson counters, swinging Rodez around and dropping him throat-first across the top rope. Rodez clutches his throat and staggers out towards the center of the ring, where Jackson hooks him up and DRIVES HIM INTO THE MAT with a full nelson slam. Cover by Jackson...hook of the leg... 1... 2... Cole: NO! Rodez able to get the shoulder up before the count of 3! Back to his feet, Jackson walks over towards his corner and makes the tag to Static. Back out to the center of the ring, Jackson picks Rodez up, doubles him over with a boot to the midsection, then drives him to the mat with a vicious powerbomb! He holds onto his Rodez's legs though, and proceeds to turn him over into a Boston Crab! Cole: C'mon, ref! Get him outta there! Coach: Wait a minute...what the hell?! As the referee tries to get Jackson to release the Boston Crab, Static comes over, underhooks both Rodez's arms, and pulls upward, bending the young wrestler in half. Fans at ringside cringe in the background.... Coach: Have you ever seen anything like this in your life, Cole?! Cole: Rodez is absolutely being tortured in here by the GPX! Finally, Jackson releases the Boston Crab, heads towards his corner. At this point, Static, still with the arms hooked, pulls Rodez back to his feet, and drives him into the mat with a Pedigree variation! Cover by Static... 1... 2... LYNE ENTERS THE RING AND BREAKS UP THE FALL AT THE LAST SPLIT SECOND! Lyne turns to exit the ring, but gets nailed from behind with a forearm shot from an angry Static. Lyne immediately turns around and nails Static with a right hand! Static responds! Lyne! Static! Lyne! Static...Static again! Cole: We've got a slugfest here, folks! Finally, the referee gets between the two men, and is able to usher Lyne out to the ring apron. As Static shouts obscenities in Lyne's direction, Rodez climbs back to his feet, and approaches Static from behind. However, before Rodez can get the upper hand, Static quickly turns around and pops him in the forehead with a hard right hand. Rodez is staggered by the shot, and Static follows up with a double leg takedown. He cinches up on Rodez's legs and sling shots him into the corner. While Rodez is flying through the air he makes the tag to his partner Jacob Lyne. Cole: Great presence of mind by Leon Rodez. Coach: Yeah and now his mind his splattered all over that ring post. Lyne hits an Honor Roll, which Static is somehow able to reverse into an arm drag! Static climbs to the top rope. Once Lyne gets to his feet Static fly's off the ropes and hits him with a missile dropsault! Cole: Is there anything this kid can't do? Standing moon sault by Static! He plays to the crowd a bit before tagging Jackson. Jackson quickly enters the ring, and pulls Lyne back to his feet by his hair...but is suddenly met with a HARD chop to the chest, drawing a loud "WHOOOOO" from the crowd. Jackson responds with one of his own, followed by another from Lyne. Lyne and Jackson exchange flesh searing chops! Jackson gets the upper hand with the sic-sac-six (rolling Northern lights suplex). Lyne is able to block the third suplex attempt. He puts Jackson down with a fall away slam! Crowd: Lyne! Lyne! Lyne! Cole: The crowd loves Jacob Lyne and they're starting to warm up to his partner Leon. Lyne hits Jackson with a gut wrench suplex. He backs Jackson to his corner and tags in Rodez. The two men then start to double team Jackson, hammering away on him with punches and kicks, but Jackson manages to fight them both off, throwing rights and lefts of his own as the crowd pops in the background. Handful of hair sends Lyne out of the ring, and Jackson catches Rodez with a boot to the midsection. He then drags him into the buckle, climbs to the second rope and scores with a tornado DDT on Rodez! Coach: If you don't succeed one, try try again! That's what he did and that's why that move hit home for a big ass impact. Cole: Now watch Jackson! He appears to be going up! Jackson has climbed onto the ring apron and is headed to the top rope as Rodez lies in the center of the ring. The crowd clamors in the background as Jackson steadies himself on the top rope, and leaps off with a rolling frog splash by Jackson... BUT Rodez gets his knees up! Jackson rolls around on the canvas, clutching his ribs, as Rodez shakes out the cobwebs. He then climbs back to his feet, and catches Jackson with an Oklahoma roll! The shoulders are down... 1.... 2....... 3!! Buffer: GPX has been.....ELIMINATED! Cole: That was shocking. It looked like the GPX had the upper hand for a second. Coach: Anything can happen in the OAO. Brock and Panther argue over who get in the ring. Brock settles the argument by lariating Panther over the ropes and into the ring. Rodez capitalizes on the opportunity and pounces on Panther, hammering away with hard right hands and forearms to the top of the head. Handful of hair brings Panther to his knees, and Rodez nails him with a knee to the side of the head. He throws some elbows to his face before Panther can shove him off. He charges in at Panther, but Panther gets him and hits him with a Manhattan Drop, drawing a pop from the crowd. Rodez clutches his groin area before Panther takes him down with a bull dog! Panther goes to make the tag to Brock but is greeted with spit to the face! Cole: What horrid sportsmanship. If Edge and Christian were here, they'd called that "horrific". Coach: ?! That's a word that everyone uses, numb nuts. OH! Cole: Watch Rodez... As the official stands between Panther and Brock, Rodez gets back to his feet, comes up behind Panther and floors him with a blue thunder bomb. He then rolls over to his corner and makes a quick tag to Lyne, before walking out to Panther in the center of the ring. They lift Panther up and attempt a double vertical suplex... But Panther flips out! He then hits off the ropes, and catches both men on the jaw with a running front dropkick, much to the crowd's delight. Panther slowly climbs back to his feet, as do Lyne and Rodez on the other side of the ring. Suddenly, Panther turns towards Brock with an evil glare. The two briefly exchange words before Panther hauls off and slaps the big man across the face, drawing "ooh's" from the capacity crowd! Coach: Oh my god! Did you see that, Cole?! Cole: Hell yeah I saw it! Panther...he just nailed Brock... Coach: I told ya this wouldn't work, Cole! These two hate each other so much! Panther motions for Brock to enter the ring, and the big man obliges, stepping through the ropes, and going face to face with Panther. Panther with a shove sends Brock back a few steps. Brock responds with one of his own that sends Panther to the mat, but he quickly gets back to his feet, and goes right at Brock as the official again tries and step between the two competitors! Cole: It's getting absolutely chaotic in here folks! It's absolutely breaking down... Coach: Watch Lyne and Rodez... Cole: OH MY! Suddenly, Lyne and Rodez charge at Panther and Brock respectively, and begin going to work on both men. Lyne fires off rapid-fire right hands to the head of Panther, but Panther comes right back with a boot to the midsection, followed up by 2 hard chops to the chest. Meanwhile, Brock floors Rodez with a clothesline of Mass Destruction. He then lifts him back to his feet, shoves his head between his legs and drills him with I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR SOUL (sitout powerbomb). On the other side of the ring, Lyne has regained the upper hand on Panther, and sends him back into the ropes with a hard chop. Attempted Irish whip by Lyne is counterded by Panther, who slips through and lifts Lyne up onto his shoulders with a fireman's carry. The crowd clamors as Panther walks around the ring with Lyne on his shoulders. He then turns towards the main camera, and, with a look of intensity in his eyes, spins Lyne off his shoulders and drives him into the mat with a Samoan Driver! Cole: THE DEEP END! Panther calls that move the Deep End! This could be over, folks! Panther with the cover... 1... 2... Rodez breaks up the fall at 2.9999~! Rodez brings Panther back to his feet by his hair, but a running shoulderblock by Brock sends him tumbling through the ropes and out to the floor. Then, Brock grabs Lyne by the hair and buries a hard knee lift to the gut. And another one. Lyne misses with a wild right hand that spins him around, and Brock hooks his arms, and yells something to Panther. Cole: What's this now?! Coach: Brock just called Panther... Cole: Is Brock...are we gonna see some teamwork here?! Brock holds Lyne for Panther, as Panther looks into the crowd, almost as if he's asking for their approval. Then, he turns back towards Lyne, frames the shot, and comes in with a superkick... But Lyne manages to move out of the way, and Brock catches the kick right on the jaw, knocking the big man out to the floor. Panther shrugs off his mistake and goes after Lyne. Lyne takes him out with a falcon arrow! Rodez hits the ring and nails the kneeling Brock with a SHINING WIZARD! Lyne makes the pin attempt! 1...2......3! Buffer: Your winners.....LEON RODEZ AND JACOB LYNE! Cole: It's a big win that could boost this hot new team in a big way next week. Rodez and Lyne felt it was best that they pool their efforts here on HeldDOWN~!, and taking that chance has paid off, as they get a Tag Title Shot next week! Coach: I need a cigarrette after that match. Cole: You don't smoke. And neither do the people from The Truth, who have bought air time during our commercials, which are coming at ya right now. We'll be back.

There was also a rumor going around that Tatanka and Koko B. Ware have some real life heat with each other and that Frankie has become headgear for our Native American friend.

::En route to a SECRET, UNDISCLOSED LOCATION, Zack Malibu, CanadianChick, and their newfound partner in crime, JSYK, drive by Jingus and Bob's rotted corpse. Some New York sewer rats have seen fit to dine on lil' Bob's carcass, making for a triple retch, as all three lean out the window and hurl. Thinking quickly, Zack tosses Altoids in his mouth, and hands some over to CC as well.:: JSYK:"Yo, Zack my man, can I get some of those?" ZM:"Eh, you don't need it. See, we tend to kiss a lot to bring romance to this here ordeal, so we gotta stay minty fresh." JSYK mumbles. ZM:"Oh I'm kidding, here, have a few man." JSYK:"Thanks man. Now, where are we off to? I mean, this isn't anywheres near the place that I told you we should look into." ZM:"No, it's not. But I've got a good feeling about something, and I think I know what we can do about it." Zack starts to talk, but turns the radio up really loud so it's inaudible to you, the viewer (or rather, he didn't know what he wanted to write). JSYK:"Excellent plan. I think after this, we'll have everything in order." ZM:"As do I." CC:"Oooh Zack, you're so cute when you're conspiring." CUE:Mushy, romantic kiss. JSYK:"You guys do make a cute couple." CC and ZM together:"We know." Where are they going? Who or what are they going to find? Why did Bob have to die? Find out next time in...THE SAGA!

You know, comments like that will only further my relationship with her. It's a great way to butter her up. Keep 'em coming. ShooterJay actually gets a chance to meet her this weekend. If anyone feels like roadtripping to Rhode Island, we're celebrating Malibu's birthday a few days early. You and the lesbians are welcome to join in the festivities.

OK, as soon as you can get it in, please do so.

As long as I don't see excess cellulite and trailer trash smiles, I'm willing to give it a gander. Are they fighting for anything? Like is there a pink vibrator hidden under the pudding somewhere? Or is it just a recreational activity?

Thank God for that. Missy Elliot fucking sucks. Nothing is worse than that fucking "Work It" song, or the fact that that fat wildebeast tries to present herself as a sex symbol.

Damn catchy song. Not exactly lyrically brilliant but it's definitely a party anthem, as has made it onto one of my patented Malibu Party Mixes, with successful results.

More like "get this shit out of the computer folder". The legendary Malibu wit strikes again! It wasn't wit, it was a statement. I could have made the requisite double-meaning pussy jokes, but I couldn't be bothered.

Fuck me Freddy...I give yours an even bigger thumbs up.

You're welcome. You owe me a drink when your ass moves further up the East Coast one day.

I'm not leaving probably ever, lol, but if I were ever to leave, I feel it's only fair that those who I consider a friend, those who idolize me, and even those who don't like me (a minimal amount, but they're out there) know why they won't see the famous SBTB avatar on the board anymore.

Malibu's on the case. You're all set. Kotz, enjoy the sig, too.

Hoff's smilin', and Piss is pissed. You don't need Cornette to book this shit. We've got a feud in the making!

Hey Johnson, be a sport and shorten that sig.

Because I feared the tag situation would not be sorted out in time, Northstar is covering the 4 way tag match. You may give thanks to your GM .

More like "get this shit out of the computer folder".

Got all your stuff, Dam. I'm wondering what's going on with the fourway. I apologize for not getting online yesterday as I had school all day and plans at night. What's that status of that matchup?

Actually, I deleted him from existence. Us Italians are known for that.

Do not denounce that show in my prescence, junior.

I just bought this movie on DVD for $5 at Wal-Mart. It's cheesy, it's unintentionally funny, and it has bands I like in it. Score.

What's the scheduled release date for the DD Director's Cut?

Think of the pages of mockery that you just took away. Boo-urns. Hey, you can mock him. But how do you know I didn't just do that to earn CWM's vote for something, muahahahaha.

Topic fixed for ya, CWM.