Zack Malibu

Its the most important part of the equation. Boys II Men was a boyband where GUY or Jodeci were not. Boyz II Men were absolutely not a boyband. You can think what you want, but your facts are extremely out of whack. And Motownphilly was not a cheap pop riff. When the fuck did you see BSB with a number one hit that was sung ACCAPELLA? Oh wait, you didn't. Boyz II Men did that, but they're still just another corporate boyband. Any R&B/soul/etc. fan here (MX will back me up on this) will tell you otherwise. This opinion has some major flaws.

Just because Boyz II Men faded away and are *GASP* all male, does NOT make them a boyband. Boyz II Men is an R&B/Soul group. They didn't have electronic dance beats and the corporate marketing machine behind them. They were four guys who loved music, and had pretty damn good voices. So how does that make them a "boyband". To compare them to NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, etc. is ludicrous. And also, what does the New Kids comeback have to do with anything? They were a boyband trying a comeback during the grunge era...of course it was bound to fail. It still makes no sense to me, Raz. And I don't listen to much B2K outside of the radio singles. They're young hip hop kids catering to the younger set, and that's about it. You seem to think just because it's a band with boys that it's a boyband.

Remember them for what, exactly? I have no idea what you meant by that, and if you were referring to Boyz II Men as a boyband, then you seriously need to reevaluate things, because they are FAR from it.

*amen* Anybody else notice that most of the "good" (I use that term loosely) gimmicks tend to be created by the better posters. Tiffani Malibu, baby. Tiffani Malibu.

Mario got removed? I thought he had to "relocate" due to certain issues he had with some thugs or something?

I'm probably the only one around here who's keeping an open mind about this. Then again, I'm the only one into pop music. The argument can also be made that Nick Lachey has transitioned well, but 98 Degrees isn't considered a "boyband". Nick Carter's solo CD, what I've heard of it, was decent for the most part, with more of a rock tinge to his tracks. I fucking hate his little brother though.

I'm 22, and I still live at home. I've got an entire upstairs to myself since my sister went away to school, I'm commuting to school and paying my own tuition, plus working 8 hours a day, so I'm basically only there to eat and sleep. Why the hell am I gonna lay out $700 at least for a decent apartment that I'd hardly ever be at? I do plan on being out within a year or so. Trying to save up for a place, and will probably rooming with one of my good friends if things pan out.

We recently got the shaft here in RI, as Cox Cable is doing the "digital or nothing" trick with us. I haven't seen TNA since the week before the Duggan/Steiner fiasco, and it sucks. I mentioned getting digital to the people in my house, and being holiday season and all, it's the last on their list of priorities, so I've got a ways until I can order TNA again. Sucks. It was the Diatribes that was keeping me up to speed, and it sucks to hear that you're having trouble too. You deserve a pat on the back, Dames, for constantly trying to get people into the product, and carved a nice niche for yourself as a reviewer. Here's hoping your cable situation is worked out soon enough.

If he was actually giving ideas to young talent and trying to market them somehow, I honestly don't see how it could be worse. Even the filler shows like HEAT carried over actual feuds during the start of it's run, and that was due to Russo creating enough characters for people to love and hate. The writing team now has given the fans nothing to distinctly cheer or boo for, thereby leaving them in apathy.

Those three guys were definitely names before Russo. Shawn is best known for his DX stuff isn't he? I'm going to hope that was sarcasm. If not, 4 words for you: Wrestlemania Ten Ladder Match. THAT is what "made" Shawn. He was well on his way up, and that put him over the top.

But who will translate the translator? I'm also waiting for Freud to analyze this gimmick.

Those three guys were definitely names before Russo.

I was just talking to a friend about this the other day, and how everyone that gets called up is immediately placed on the roster with no standout qualities. Matt Morgan and Nathan Jones are put amongst Brock, Big Show and A-Train, with nothing making them important other than they're big. Jones, for as much as he sucks, would be best suited under someone like Russo. Instead of making him out to be an ass who didn't know how to wrestle (making the company look like idiots by hiring an untrained professional, then again Stephanie hired Mr. America...), they should have booked him as a killer in short matches, and put over his lack of workrate as "raw power" and due to his past of prison fights, etc. THAT would have made him a monster. Not tossing Shannon Moore around every week. That's just one example. I could cite so many others. Even those getting the big pushes like Batista, etc. They took away the guys whole look (Leviathan) and made him into Generic OVW Hoss #28. WWE for whatever reason will not let most of their workers carve out their own niche, and this is just one of the reasons why fans are turning against the product. There is absolutely no one you can relate to if everyone is the same anyways.

I'm with you on this. I don't deny Russo has done more than his fair share of shit in this business, but one thing I always commended the guy for was his desire to make everyone a part of the show. Guys like Jindrak, Cade, etc. can especially benefit from that style of booking, because even if they were just fodder/lower card talent, they had a distinguished look/gimmick that would possibly help them in the future, and made everyone different, rather than blend in.

In Jersey, they still do.

OK, just work out writing duties with other people. GPX are my secondary guys, but I won't be able to write for that match, as I'll be helping with segments and most likely the main event. I'm sure that other guys involved like Jay, Parka, or Adam will be willing to help out.

You guys could always throw K-Money in there instead of Matt. Supes, how about a 24/7 Match with somebody?

...your mom told you she didn't like those disgusting Garbage Pail Kids.

Tag Team Invitational for 12/11/03: Leon Rodez and Jacob Lyne vs. Global Party Exchange vs. Gunner Sharps/J. Arthur Edwards

PROPS: Calvin Superstar Damaramu Crystal Mad Matt Sly Northstar Parka Axel Zack Ragdoll

NOTICE: The free hot cocoa promotion has unfortunately been cancelled, due to a shady delivery guy by the name of "Patch" delvering a certain OTHER powdery substance with a name similar to cocoa. Being that the HeldDOWN~! brand OAOAST is family entertainment, we immediately got rid of the contraband in a most quick and convienient fashion, namely putting it in Popick's trunk and notifying authorities. We apologize for any inconvienience, and urge you all to stay drug free. OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Fresh off of the most celebrated heavy eating day of the year, the HeldDOWN~! brand of OAOAST Entertainment is back once again for your viewing pleasure. Lucy Woodward's "Trust Me (You Don't Wanna See This)" plays over a compiled montage of OAOAST action which is frequently updated (and not outdated, as opposed to IntenseZone's intro which still features Bif Everchad in a prominent role), and that segues into... OPENING PYRO~! The camera scans the crowd, catching several witty signs such as "I Want A Crystal For Christmas" and "Sly's My Guy" (thankfully held up by a female fan). Our cameras then close in on Sofa Central, where the Dynamic Duo of Dialogue reside each and every Thursday. You know 'em, you love 'em, you lie to your friends and say that you're related to 'em... MICHAEL COLE AND DA COACH~! COACH (singing) It's the most wonderful time of the year... COLE You got that right, Coach. Hello fans, and welcome to this week's edition of HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole right here alongside the Karaoke King himself, Jonathan Coachman, set to bring you the best in OAOAST action tonight. COACH You wanna talk about the best, then I know you're talking HeldDOWN~!, baby. We've got some great action lined up tonight. Just before the show went on the air, General Manager Northstar has informed us that HeldDOWN~!'s version of TNT's Tag Team Invitational would be tonight's main event, but he hasn't told us who is involved! COLE One team that we know won't be involved are the former World Tag Team Champions, HeldDOWN~!'s own Dream Machines. The Parka suffered a major setback this past Sunday when not only did TNT take the World Tag Team Titles, but injured his knee in the process. There is no timetable on his return, however we were informed that Peter Knight will be back here next week, hopefully to put in a good word on his partner. COACH Man, speaking of Deadly Games, you can't talk about that PPV without discussing The Elimination Chamber. First time in OAOAST history, and our boys and girl brought the goods. Unfortunately, I lost $5,000 when I bet on Crystal thanks to that no-good Chris Ben-wannabe Damaramu, and Calvin Szechstein managed to outlast the former X Champion Ragdoll, Crystal, and the former World Champion Zack Malibu by coming out on top. COLE Calvin still has an iron grip on that belt, something that does not sit well with the former champion, Zack Malibu. The other HeldDOWN~! titles changed as well, as Sly Somers captured the X Title in a brutal cage match against both newcomer AJ Flaire and Mad Matt, the now former champion, and bringing more gold into the stable of Totally Endorsed. COACH Speaking of stables and titles, what about the war that was waged for the 24/7 Title amongst the members of The Underground? Their whole reason for being here was to try and bring the hD~! forces down, but it looks like there's some underlying issues between members of that crew, namely CWM and the new 24/7 Champion, The Superstar! COLE Coach, you know as well as I do that questions will be answered, and more will be asked here tonight. It's time to head to the ring for our opening bout, and get this party started right!

*CRASH BOOM BANG OTHER EXPLOSIVE SOUNDS!* Pyro goes off as “Defy You” by the Offspring begins to blast over the loudspeakers, and CWM and Chave Senate walk out from behind the curtain, followed closely by the rest of the Underground. Chave and CWM slide into the ring, the members of the Underground encircling the ring as ring announcer Gary Michael Cappetta does the introductions. GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a TRIPLE THREAT TAG TEAM MATCH scheduled for ONE fall! In addition, this match is for the NUMBER ONE CONTENDERSHIP to the OAOAST TAAAAAAAAG TEAM TITLES! Introducing first, at a combined weight of four-HUNDRED thirty-seven pounds, representing the Underground, the team of C-W-M and CHAAAAAAAAAAAVE SENATE! The crowd boos, but the boos quickly turn to… well, more boos, as the familiar words blast from out of the loudspeakers… “EVERY BODY DANCE NOW!” The C and C Music Factory song of the same name begins to blast, the fans roaring WILDLY IN ANGER as Mister Warrior and The Superstar dart out from behind the curtain, rushing into the ring! GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA Introducing their opponents, weighing in at a combined weight of FIVE hundred, FIVE pounds, the team of MISTER WARRIOR and the SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPERSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR! The crowd’s booing keeps going… and it rises to a head as the lights dim out… “Three-two-one, I’M THE BOMB!” “I’m The Bomb” by the Electric Six begins to blast over the loudspeakers, strobelights flashing as OAOAST WORLD Heavyweight Champion, Calvin Szechstein, steps out from behind the curtain and onto the stage, the shining gold belt over his shoulder and an MTV cap on his head! COACH You know what I heard, Michael Cole? COLE What? COACH Calvin just signed a sponsorship deal with MTV. We might have Carson Daly on next week! COLE That’d be… uh… truly awesome, I suppose. Calvin steps to the side, as the familiar words bring a rush of cheering and his partner… “WAKE ME UP INSIDE!” “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescene blasts out over the speakers, as blue and gold pyro goes off on either side of the entrance ramp and former World champion, Zack Malibu dashes out from backstage, rushing into the ring! The cheers are overwhelming as Szechstein stands back, watching his partner with a bit of amusement before calmly walking down to the ring himself. GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA And finally, weighing in at a combined three HUNDRED, ninety-two pounds, the team of Calvin Szechstein and ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MALIBU! Calvin finally hits the ring, getting up onto the apron and waiting there. In one corner, CWM steps out of the ring – in the other, Mister Warrior does the same. Calvin calmly discards his hat, pointing the logo out to the fans before handing it to a ring attendant, who expects Calvin to take his belt off. Calvin shakes his head no, strapping the belt around his waist and giving it a protective pat. Shrugging, the attendant takes the cap to the timekeeper’s table, as said timekeeper rings the bell. *DING DING DING* COLE And this contest is underway! Instantly, the Underground fellows on the outside grab at the heels of Zack Malibu, around the ankles of a moderately amused Calvin Szechstein… until, of course, said Underground folk begin grabbing at his legs, as well. Angrily, Szechstein stomps at them, as inside the ring Chave and Superstar double-up on Zack, catching him with a double clothesline to send him careening to the mat. Malibu gets up quickly… only to fall victim to a dropkick from Chave! Malibu hits the mat once more, but quickly gets back to his feet, causing Calvin to mutter a “What a glutton for punishment.” COACH Our hero, Zack Malibu, certainly isn’t seeing a whole lot of offence early in this match! COLE He’ll make a comeback though, Coach. He always does. Malibu goes over to his corner, quickly tagging in Szechstein so as to avoid burning himself out too quickly. Begrudgingly, Calvin steps into the ring, looking weary-eyed across the ring at the Superstar. Superstar shoots Calvin a sly smile, and quickly drops to his back on the mat. Zack's eyes nearly pop out of his sockets as Superstar dashes over, making the cover! "ONE!" "TWO!" Zack kicks Calvin angrily in the shins, and Calvin pops up, getting to his feet. He smirks at Zack, mumbling "It was a joke, dude," as Superstar gets to his feet as well, drilling Calvin with a hard left palm to send him to the mat. Superstar rains down stomps on Calvin, before lifting him up and grabbing a front facelock. From there, Superstar hoists Calvin into the air upside down, in a delayed vertical suplex. While he holds him there, Chave is up and he runs to the ropes, charging at Superstar! Unbeknownst to the 24/7 Champion, Chave leaps up and sends a dropkick into his chest, dropping him down to the mat as he drops Calvin down a bit earlier than expected! COACH Sweet innovation there by Chave! COLE And to think it was just a dropkick. Angered, Superstar leaps to his feet and levels Chave with an elbow, sending him right into the corner. From there, Superstar begins sending fierce kicks into the midsection of the Underground member, culminating with Superstar backing up and charging forward, delivering a high, stiff boot right to Chave's face! As Senate slumps back in the corner, Superstar hoists him onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry. The 24/7 Champ begins spinning around with an airplane spin, but just as he begins to drop Chave off his shoulders, Szechstein returns and grabs his head, nailing a New Line Cinema Neckbreaker that sends Senate down hard to the mat! Dizzy, Superstar falls back into his corner as MISTER WARRIOR~ tags himself back in. COACH Business has just picked up, Cole! COLE After that nice exchange, it's time for some BRUTE STRENGTH to take over HeldDOWN! COACH Is that what you call it? Calvin pops up, unaware of Warrior, and calls out to the crowd. "TOTAL REQUEST LIVE, WEEK DAYS AT THREE O'CLOCK, TWO O'CLOCK CENTRAL ONLY ON MTV!" The crowd jeers as the shill...as Mister Warrior exhibits unmanly athleticism, charging forward and leaping into the air, catching Szechstein in a headlock and driving his face to the mat with a bulldog! Mr. Warrior begins jogging in place as Chave reaches his feet, and when he does, Warrior charges forward...levelling him with a clothesline! Chave comes right back up...and goes right back down from another clothesline! Warrior continues to jog, and as Chave gets up again, Warrior hoists him high into the air with a GOrilla press slam! Mister Warrior adds a few reps to his Chave workout, but as he does this showboating, Calvin sneaks behind him and raises his fist right between Warrior's legs! *CHING!* Warrior drops Chave and falls to the mat, clutching his precious testicles. With both men down, Calvin ascends the near turnbuckle and climbs to the top rope. After posing for a second, Calvin leaps off, soaring through the air for the Freddy vs. Jason Frog Splash... ...but both men move and Calvin smacks against the canvas! Chave begins crawling on his stomach to his corner...and tags in CWM! Meanwhile, Mister Warrior KIPS UP, HARD AND READY TO BRING THE PAIN! CWM charges at the mystical Warrior, but he sees this coming and bends over, standing up and flipping CWM WAAAAAAAAAAAY up and over his head, sailing over the ropes and to the outside of the ring with a back body drop! The fans roar as CWM fractures his skull or something. Meanwhile, Calvin Szechstein crawls over to his corner...and Zack Malibu tags himself in! COLE And Malibu is back in this match! COACH You can catch him on Celebrity Taildaters, every week day on MTV! With CWM down on the outside, Zack Malibu charges into the ring to capitalize on his departure! MISTER WARRIOR~ charges him, looking to knock him out... *CRACK!* COACH YO~! COLE School's Out! School's Out! Malibu makes the quickie cover! "ONE!" J. Arthur slides into the ring... but it's CALVIN SZECHSTEIN, grabbing him by the midsection and giving him the CODE RED CLASH on the ring apron! The crowd ERUPTS, as Calvin falls over on the apron, and the ref continues the count... "TWO!" "THREE!" *DING DING DING!* GARY MICHAEL CAPPETTA YOUR winners, and the NEEEEEW NUMBER ONE CONTENDERS to the O - A - O - A - S - T TAAAAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS... Calvin Szechstein and ZAAAAACK MALIBU! In the ring, Mister Warrior gets to his feet... only to get shoved down by Superstar! Calvin grabs Zack, pulling him out of the ring and up the aisle, escaping the swarm of Underground wrestlers that enter the ring. The two of them stare at the Underground, standing in the ring and nursing three of their own, as we fade to black...

The same two men who appeared in the first segment appear as Mad Matt is sitting in a locked room waiting for the results of the many tests that he is gone through. Man #1:After reviewing the results of the ink blot test, character tests, psycology tests, and indeed the alegebra test, we find Mad Matt....professional wrestler in OAOAST to be..... Man #2:Legally insane. Mad Matt bolts up with his eyes bulging out. Man #1:We demand that you will stay here until you are sane enough to get out in the real world. Mad Matt breaks a glass case with his hand and grabs out an axe. Mad Matt:INSANE. I SHALL SHOW YOU INSANE. Mad Matt swings the axe and the two men narrowly duck. Mad Matt is destroying that entire room with the axe. He chops down the door and he is in the hallway. Man #2:We need backup. We have a man who is legally insane swinging an axe in the hallway. A couple dozen people come down the hallway. Mad Matt swings the axe so hard that the blade flies off. Matt swings the axehandle like a baseball bat and knocks a few men down. Finally he is injected in the arm by a needle and someone brings a straightjacket. Losing the X Division Title and having lingering damage to his knee has sent Mad Matt off the deep end. So far off the deep end, that it has landed him in a mental institution. Mad Matt is dragged off and thrown into a padded cell. The camera fades out. Cole:That was um.... Coach:Well hopefully we will get an update on this. Mad Matt is one of our better wrestlers on HeldDown so we kind of need him to wrestle week in and week out. Cole: There is no way that Northstar is happy about this. I understand our cameras have caught him in the midst of a telephone call in his office, and I can only imagine it's to free Mad Matt. Let's take you back there for the scoop! (Northstar is in his pimped out office, talking on the phone to Lauren Shuler Donner, producer of X-men 3. Holly-wood is sitting on his desk and reading an issue of Cosmo) Northstar: Ms.Donner, Hi. It's me Northstar. Lauren Shuler Donner: Northstar? Oh yeah, right. You're Bel Air Claude's kid, right? Northstar: Bel Air Claude's kid, that's me. Hey, are you watching the show? Lauren: You mean, Friends? Northstar: No! Are you watching HeldDOWN? Lauren: The wrestling show? Ah ha. Your dad mentioned that you were involved in that. I don't mean to offend you but I have better things to do with my valuable time than watch bunch of sweaty roid monkeys fondle one another. Northstar: It's not like that at all. This isn't the type of wrestling you see on spike TV every Monday. Honestly, I'm not sure I want to call it wrestling. It's more of a sophisticated athletic drama. Lauren: I'm sorry, did you just call wrestling sophisticated? Because if you did I may have to reach through this phone and choke the life out of you. What's so sophisticated about a bunch of apes bashing each others skulls in with flaming chairs and throwing women through tables? As for athletic, anyone could throw a couple of fake looking punches and bite a blood capsule. Northstar: Okay, I can see you have some uninformed notions about what HeldDOWN is really about. You don't have to watch the entire show . but I just want you to see this tag team invitational I've got planned. Lauren: Tag team invitational? Those words mean nothing to me. You're inviting repressed homosexuals to feel each other up on network television? Sorry, but I think Will and Grace beat you to the punch. Northstar: I didn't say gay orgy invitational! This a tag team invitational match which is being used to determine a number one contender for the world tag team titles. Lauren: Yeah, so? Northstar: So, this match will feature the teams of Mister Warrior, Superstar and Chave and CWM and Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstein Lauren: What stupid names. Did you actually pay people to come up those monikers? If you did, you should fire your creative team and use the money to hire a public relations firm. Because I haven't heard of half those people. Northstar: And that's a shame because Zack Malibu and Calvin Szechstein are untapped wells of entertainment and money making potential. Lauren: Says who? Northstar: Says I! Believe me when I say that Zack Malibu is the next Leo. Trust me. He has heart throb written all over him. Arenas across the country have crumbled due to the sheer amount of noise undersexed teenage girls make when Zack Malibu hits the ring. Even grown women love this guy. Holly, you like Zack right? Holly-wood: Zack? Yeah, I'd fuck him. Why not? Northstar: Hell, who wouldn't? But what about Calvin Szechstein? My world champion? A man who has single handily restored credibility to a title that the aforementioned Zack Malibu helped destroy. Now, he's not the best looking guy in the world. Far from it. But he is one of the most exciting and breath taking showmen, I've had the pleasure of watching. Holly-wood: He's got the razor sharp wit of John Stewart and the dead pan delivery of Conan O'brien. Lauren(laughing): Is that right? Northstar: Yeah, it is. Calvin is beyond fucking awesome. Not only is he a top notch athlete but he is a masterful wordsmith capable of serving his foes with elegant and scathing prose. He craps charisma and cums personality. Lauren: Thanks for the image. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going out to eat soon but I will set my TiVO to record this tag team match your so excited about. When I get back home, I'll watch it. If I like what I see, I'll give you call sometime over the weekend and we can try and work something out. Northstar: Lauren, you are a doll. Merci beaucoup and do you think I could play Archangel in the next X-men movie? Lauren: We'll talk. Bye-bye. (Northstar hangs up the phone. Cut back to Coach and Cole) COLE He was talking to a movie producer? COACH Awesome! You know, people mistake me for Denzel all the time. COLE Yeah, Denzel Harris, the caterer. COACH ...and? COLE Fans, it has been a wild ride, perhaps moreso than ever. The night will come to a head when we come back, as the Tag Team Invitational takes place. Zack and Calvin, Superstar and Warrior, CWM and Chave, going at it when we come back!

Mad Matt(this time without the straightjacket) is sitting opposite of a doctor. Doctor:I am going to hold up this card with ink on it and you tell me what you see Matt. The doctor holds up the first one. Mad Matt:The X Division Title Belt. The doctor holds up the second one. Mad Matt:Blood dripping down the face of Sly Sommers after I crush his face for daring to take my X Division Title Belt at the last Pay Per View. The doctor holds up a third one. Mad Matt:I see something right here. I see something interesting. I see that I got screwed out of my title last Sunday. That so called savior St. Andrew interfered and cost me the match. Vengence shall be mine soon but first I have a title to win match. Doctor:And finally Mad Matt. The doctor holds up a fourth and final card. Mad Matt:I see very bad things for the people in this place if they declare me mentally incompetent and/or legally insane. I see me pulling their brains out of their noses with a pair of tweezers. I see that. I also see the longer I have to waste my time, and not train for my rematch that was promised in my contract for the X Division Title, the more pissed off I will get. The more casualities there shall be. COLE You know, Coach, at times I don't feel like a wrestling host. COACH You feel like a detective yet? You can be COLEJAK! COLE No. What I mean is, look at what we've got going on around us. We've got a guy in a mental institution, a guy putting up a sacred sanctuary backstage, another guy is fighting his demons...it's like Jerry Springer with more fighting and less nudity. COACH I agree. We COULD use more nudity on the show. COLE Keep 'em on, Coach. No one wants to see Long Dong Silver here. COACH ...like you would know... Charlie Hoss, Flameout and Silver Star are seen sitting backstage playing Playstation 2.) Silver Star: Dudes, Northstar's my dawg and all but I've got a serious grievance with how he's running the mother ship. Flameout: Mother fucker, I'm surprised yo ignorant ass knows what a grievance be. Silver Star: I ain't stupid, dude. I went to Pepperdine after all....for a month. Look, that's not important. What it's important is that Northstar's giving preferential treatment to the females. Charlie: Like who? Silver Star: Like Holly and Alix. Charlie: One's his sister and the other's his psycho bitch girlfriend. What's he s'posed to do? Silver Star: I don't know! But how the hell can we compete with love and family? I doubt his dad's gonna adopt me and it ain't like I can whip out my wang and get a pay raise. But, Alix flashes her pussy when she's drunk and all of a sudden she's queen shit around here and driving a brand new 350Z on the company's dime. That's not fair, dudes. Charlie: Northstar got me a role in the next Batman movie. He's been pretty cool to me. Silver Star: Fuck you, no he hasn't. And if he has, it's only because of your giant Fabio like man tities. Which by the way, you seriously need to get reduced because they're getting a little unsightly. How many gallons of milk do you produce in a day? (An enraged Charlie stands up as if he wants to fight Silver Star but Flameout holds him back) Silver Star: What? You don't want none, dawg. You don't want none. Flameout: Mother fucker, slow your role. If you wanna be tight wit Northstar, get off yo whiny ass and do something fo'em. All yo dumb ass does is sit around smoke skunk and listen to Hendrix. And you wonder why Northstar don't like you? Silver Star: Fine. I'll do something for him. And I have just the idea...... (Cut back to Coach and Cole) COLE What was that about? COACH Only one way to find out. COACHJAK TO THE RESCUE! COLE God help us all. We'll be back.

COLE Talk about a heated exchange! The war between Damaramu and Crystal heats up! COACH Man, all the talk about Crystal is getting ME hot! Honestly though, Damaramu's number may be up...we saw that Ryan Smith is en route to HeldDOWN~! next week, and Crystal wants a piece of him as well. There's a lynch mob looking for Damaramu, and after he put Crystal at less than 100% going into the Elimination Chamber, even I want a piece of him. COLE Go challenge him then. COACH Are you crazy? Nah, not me. I'm, uh...I'm all talk, Damaramu. If you're listening, don't take this seriously. (Cut to backstage, where the Unholy Communion are going back to St. Andrew’s mock cathedral locker room.) ANDREW: That was one hell of a win! I’m very proud of the both of you! But, with every show of brute force that we must show in order to get our word across, we must confess our sins to the man above. To the confessional! (Andrew opens the door, but when he goes into his room, he finds popcorn all over the place, some party music playing in the background, and one of the pews knocked over.) ANDREW: What in the.....? (Andrew opens the confessional door, to find Scotty Static of the Global Party Exchange, munching down on some popcorn, wearing a lei around his neck, and dancing while in the chair.) SCOTTY: Hey, man! What’s goin’ on? (Then, the slot from the priest’s side of the confessional lowers, and we hear the voice of Johnny Jackson, the other half of the GPE.) JOHNNY: Yo, yo, yo! What’s up, man? ANDREW: What’s going on? What’s going on? I’ll tell you what’s going on! You two....hooligans have desecrated the good name of the man above. What do you think you’re doing? SCOTTY: We’re just havin’ some fun, man! ANDREW: Fun? Fun? Fun is not something that a cathedral is built to hold! Nathaniel, Michael, get them! As Nathaniel charges at Scotty, Scotty throws the popcorn bowl at Nathaniel’s head, and temporarily dazes him. Michael tries to open the priest’s door on the confessional, but he gets the door kicked in his face by Johnny Jackson, sending him flying backwards. Nathaniel and Michael hold each other up, and the GPE charge out of the booths with stereo superkicks, sending both minions flying back into the pews! St. Andrew tries clotheslining both at the same time, but they duck. He turns around, and they both clothesline him at the same time! But, while they were distracted by St. Andrew, the minions forearm Scotty and Johnny at the back of their heads. The Minions get ahead for maybe a second before it turns into a back-and-forth battle between both new teams, until HeldDOWN~! officials charge into the cathedral to separate all four men.) (FADE TO BLACK)