Zack Malibu

Reactions and backlash to the major announcement made by Zack Malibu this past Monday.

Thanks to whoever added in Cortez vs. one of the Hooligans. I just added in the Zack Malibu promo, which if I may take a second to toot my own horn is a major development in the story of Bruce Blank and Zack Malibu.

Ed, I sent you my segments a while ago. Didn't wanna mess up your format, so place them where you wish.

Those in the arena tonight, whether still hungover from their ringing in of 2007 or not, are at a fever pitch...and that feeling throughout the crowd was never more apparent than when the opening seconds of "Save Yourself" are heard. COLE Listen to this crowd! We haven't seen him in an OAOAST arena since he was forced to shake the hand of Bruce Blank, but now, on the first day of 2007, Zack Malibu is HERE! As the song continues, the fans stare at the entrance ramp, until finally, the heart and soul of the OAOAST steps through the curtain. Zack is met with a tremendous response as he heads to the ring, slapping a few hands along the way down the aisle. COACH Mikey Cole, you know Zack Malibu almost as well as anyone...you got any idea what he's gonna say or do tonight? COLE No idea, Coach. The only thing we know is that when Malibu promises to do something, it's typically something big. Zack climbs the steps and into the ring, then waves for Michael Buffer to toss him the mic. Buffer throws it over the ropes, right into Malibu's waiting hands, and now it's just a matter of waiting for the crowd to die down. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" COLE Listen to the fans, Coach. If there was ever a man who defined the term "Crowd favorite", it's this man, right here! MALIBU First of all, I want to wish all of you, a Happy New Year. For many of you, it's time to start over, to do things the right way, or the way you feel they should be. It's a clean slate and a fresh start, at least for most of us. The fans applaud Zack's well wishes, but can tell he's got more on his mind. MALIBU I say that it's that way for most of us, because it's not that way for me. I mean, I'm starting the year with a great girl, and a beautiful baby daughter, as well as the respect and love of you fans, and I'm grateful for all of that. I'm also starting the year the same way I ended 2006...with a heart full of rage, on a quest for redemption, and it all leads back to one man, and one man only. Bruce Blank. COLE The most hated man in the OAOAST, and likely in the wrestling world. COACH Nevermind the wrestling world...how about the world in general!? MALIBU Bruce, 2006 was YOUR year. You came into this company and made yourself into the biggest star in the industry, all at my expense. You did things to me that no one has ever succeeded in doing. You have broken me, beaten me, humbled me and humiliated me. 2006 was your year. I'll call a spade a spade and admit that. But NOW, that was last year, you see, and this year we are going to start things RIGHT! Because Bruce Blank, I come out here tonight asking you for one more shot, one more try, ONE MORE MATCH! ME AND YOU BRUCE, LET'S DO IT! The fans roar, wanting to see Malibu vanquish his most hated foe once and for all. Malibu waits on a response, and it's just a matter of minutes before Bruce comes strolling through the curtain and down to the ring. COLE This is one rivalry that cannot be contained, and has no end in sight! COACH Malibu's looking to end it, but everytime we think he can, he comes up short. Bruce Blank is the toughest bastard that Malibu has ever had to deal with! Bruce climbs up into the ring, and now the two men who hate each other oh so much are eye to eye. BLANK You want one more shot at me, boy? Malibu nods his head, and the fans pick up on the request. "ONE MORE MATCH!" "ONE MORE MATCH!" "ONE MORE MATCH!" BLANK You people wanna see it too, huh? You want to see the biggest feud of 2006 again in 2007? The fans roar, continuing the "One More Match" chant. BLANK WELL YOU'RE NOT GONNA GET IT! Now the fans boo loudly, and Malibu looks into Blank's eyes, waiting for his reasoning. BLANK You see, Zachary, you just said it yourself a few minutes ago. 2007 is the time to start over. A clean slate and a fresh start. I am DONE with you, boy! I had my fun. I beat your ass at Angleslam. I beat your ass on national television and made you shake my hand out of respect! I bloodied you at every damn turn, I had one of my boys put your best friend in the hospital, and I walked right into your house and up to your two closest, dearest loved ones and scare the ever-lovin' God out of them! So you tell me, Zack, what do I have to gain by letting you come at me again? I have proven myself superior. I have humbled you, boy. You got nothin' left. Start 2007 off right. Start it off with somethin' you know you can handle. Maybe then, you'll regain some of the lost respect from this crowd, because you and I both know you ain't been the same since it became apparent that you're not a superhero anymore. You can't always get the big win, my friend. Sometimes you have to deal with the fact that the villain is the greater of the two! You have to come to terms, Zack...and I know it's gonna be hard on ya...but you have to come to terms with the fact that I am BETTER than you. Blank stuffs the microphone into Zack's chest and turns to walk away, but Zack spins him around. MALIBU I can admit that I can't seem to get a win over you, Blank. I can admit that you have beaten me worse than anyone that came before you. But I will never admit that you're a better man than me, and I'll never admit that I respect you, because I don't. What you did not only to me, but to my family and my friends, it burns in my heart. It fills my head. It keeps me from sleeping at night, and I can't get past you. YOU did this to me, and now you want to walk away? You ask what I have to give, to offer you, to make it worth your while. Well then you listen to me, you son of a bitch. 2007 is going to be a clean slate, and a fresh start. For the OAOAST, it's going to be a fresh start without one of us. How does that sound? The fans sit back in silence. COLE What did he just say!? A smile starts to creep across Blank's face. BLANK What are you gettin' at, boy? MALIBU I think you know. I think you all know. I want one more shot at you, Blank. I want total redemption for everything you've put me through. I am willing to do the unthinkable to get you in the ring one last time, Bruce. Zack Malibu and Bruce Blank, one final time...and if you beat me, Bruce...if you prove that you truly are the better man and beat me again...I will leave the OAOAST FOREVER. COLE WHAT!? NO! Zack, don't do it! BLANK Forever? MALIBU Forever. No retirement from in-ring competition just to go sit in the office. I mean totally and completely, Bruce. As a wrestler, as a referee, as an executive, as a road agent...I will go so far as to never attend an event as a paying customer, if you will give me what I want, Bruce. I know full well I'm at your mercy, but I know what you're thinking. You're too proud not to take this offer. You want me gone, Bruce. You want me out of your life as much as I want you out of mine. SO LET'S MAKE IT ALL OR NOTHING~! Career versus career, Malibu versus Blank... BLANK IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT? The fans roar, and Malibu looks at Blank like he's not backing down. BLANK Boy, you're certifiably crazy, because you just signed your damn death warrant. MALIBU I told you, Blank, I'd do whatever it takes to rid you from my life, and if this is what it comes down to, so be it. You did cut me off in mid-sentence though, because there was one more thing I was going to say. BLANK Oh yeah, what's that, hero? The only thing you better be sayin' is goodbye, because you're not long for this world. MALIBU Actually, that's not what I was going to say. Because I feel that a match of this magnitude, should be dealt with strictly between you and I, don't you? No Wildcards, No Hooligans, no nobody getting in our way. BLANK I don't need nobody gettin' in my way this time. I'm gonna enjoy the sweetness of this all on my own. MALIBU I'm glad you feel that way, Bruce, because we're doing this without worrying about any of that. We're doing this with nothing to come between us, just four walls of metal around us...a metal ceiling above us, and no way for anyone to get inside or out. COACH Mikey Cole, does he mean... COLE I think so, Coach. BLANK You want a cage match? Boy, you know what happens to you when you're in a cage with me! MALIBU It's not just a cage match, Bruce. It's more than win or lose, do or die. For you and me, it's SURVIVE OR SURRENDER~! The fans EXPLODE~! We've only seen one of them before, back when Zack Malibu lost the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title to Crystal at Angleslam 2004! BLANK Survive or Surrender, eh Zacky? Boy, you're stupider than I thought. MALIBU I might be desperate, Bruce, but I'm hardly stupid. I'm willing to get rid of you at any cost. BLANK The only thing this stunt is gonna cost you, is your entire reason for being. Blank again shoves the mic back to Zack, then turns to walk away, leaving Malibu alone in the ring to ponder his thoughts. COLE What a blockbuster announcement...Zack Malibu has just put his career in the OAOAST, his life in wrestling, in Bruce Blank's hands! COACH Desperate times call for desperate measures, Cole. COLE Zack hasn't won a match against Bruce yet, and in the only Survive Or Surrender match in OAOAST history, he came out on the losing end of that as well! What is going through the mind of Zack Malibu? COACH You wanna try reasoning with him? He ain't gonna listen to me!

"Oh No" is heard throughout the arena, and the fans react quickly to the music, jeering loudly the man the music belongs to, who is now on his way to the ring. COLE Here comes a man who is persona non grata in the OAOAST locker room. One third of The Wildcards, and now a man seemingly on a mission of his own to prove to the OAOAST fanbase what is "real" and what isn't. COACH Let's not forget he's the same guy who dropped Leon Rodez out of his head and sent him to a hospital bed. This playa ain't playin', Cole! Todd Cortez hits the ring, unstrapping his bulletproof vest and removing his shades, looking all sorts of ready for what tonight should bring him. In order to find out, we cut from the ring over to Maria and "Mean" Gene Okerlund, ready to reveal the results of the vote, and thus the opponent for "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez tonight. MEAN GENE OK folks, it is now time to find out which one of The Hooligans you've voted for to do battle tonight, with Todd Cortez. After tabulating the votes, 41% of you have voted on JAAAAAAAAAMIE O'HAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAA~! A quick cut backstage shows Static and Jax patting Jamie on the back and sending him on his way. O'Hara quickly takes a quick swig of his ever-present 40 oz. and then runs through the curtain, sprinting down to the ring sans theme music or anything, sliding under the bottom rope and looking right up at Cortez. O'Hara seems ready to go, and Cortez has been waiting on this moment since he first stepped in the ring. Now that the vote has been cast and O'Hara is set, the bell sounds, kicking off another contest here on Mainframe Monday! DING! DING! DING! Instantly, the two stars come at each other and tie up, but O'Hara quickly pulls away, yanking both of Todd's legs out from under him and then leaping onto him, attempting a pin within seconds of the contest getting underway! ON-KICKOUT! Todd pushes him off rather easily, but as he rises to his feet, Jamie snares a sleeperhold! Cortez quickly twists so that it's more of a headlock than a sleeper, and lifts O'Hara up over his shoulder...but Jamie floats through, and grabs the sleeper again! Once again, Todd twists out of it and pushes Jamie to the ropes, charging him during the rebound with a kitchen sink (the running kneelift, not the actual item!)...but Jamie hops over the knee and rolls Todd up with a schoolboy! ONE! NO! Cortez kicks out of that, and gets up and charges O'Hara, who takes him to the mat with a drop toehold, then stands over Cortez and paintbrushes the back of his head, angering the Latino superstar with his taunts! COLE Jamie O'Hara usually comes out like a cannonball, flying around the ring within seconds, but tonight it looks like he's already gotten under Cortez's skin by utilizing a new game plan! COACH He's had his shoulders on the mat twice, AND he's treating Cortez like a joke...if there's anything that Todd Cortez hates, it's blatant disrespect. COLE Which is a bit hypocritical, don't you think? COACH Since when do you care what I think? COLE Since the company has refused to replace you on commentary. COACH Good poi...HEY! Cortez gets up, and as Jamie makes a go for him, Todd shoves him away. Once he's up on his feet, Cortez fires off the CHOPPAGE~!, striking Jamie once, twice, thrice before taking him by the arm and sending him into the ropes. O'Hara bounces back and gets hiptossed over, but he lands on his feet and then tucks his arm under Todd's and launches him over with a hiptoss! Cortez scrambles to his feet, and Jamie leaps onto his shoulders, trying for a rana...but Cortez shoves him back over to his feet, then follows up with a hard lariat that turns the Birmingham Bad Boy inside out! Now it's Cortez's turn to taunt, as he gets down on all fours and crawls over to O'Hara, lifting his head up by the hair...and spitting in his face before dropping his head back to the canvas! COLE Now come on, is there any reason for that?! O'Hara gets flustered easily, and this is no exception, as he scrambles to his feet and bolts towards Cortez! He takes him by the waist, but Todd quickly snares him in a front facelock, then hammers him across the back with his free hand. Cortez lifts him up and then crotches him on the top rope, but when he follows him up, O'Hara shoves him back down to earth! Todd gets up, but as he does Jamie leaps off the top rope and over his back, rolling him up with a sunset flip from the top! ONE! T-KICKOUT! Both men roll to their feet, and Jamie avoids a charge, sending Cortez crashing into the corner. He stumbles back right into Jamie's grasp, but quickly counters with a rear waistlock of his own, and hurls Jamie up and over...but O'Hara lands on his feet, nailing Cortez with a spinning wheel kick as he turns around! With Cortez down, Jamie hits a senton from the standing position, then runs the ropes and hits a rolling senton, crashing down onto Cortez a second time! ONE! TW-KICKOUT! COACH Cortez is takin' a lot here in the early going, Mikey Cole. My man J is runnin' circles around him! COLE O'Hara has the speed factor, as well as the unpredictability of his moveset. Cortez's resilience is countering it thus far, and Jamie's going to have to keep from making any major mistakes if he wants to start 2007 off with a victory. O'Hara now plays to the crowd for a moment, getting their approval for his offense, before he brings Cortez up to his feet. Forearm shots follow, but Cortez fights back with a hard forearm of his own, then grabs O'Hara and hits the INVERTED ATOMIC DROP~! O'Hara reels, and Cortez delivers a second one, then snatches him and tosses him overhead with a release Northern Lights Suplex! Jamie hits hard, and then rolls out under the bottom rope, reeling from the attack from the Urban Legend. COLE Jamie headed for higher ground to catch a breather, and...HOLD ON! Cortez races across the ring and slides under the bottom rope with a baseball slide...but O'Hara sidesteps it and yanks his leg, pulling him right out of the ring and flapjacking him on the floor! Cortez is stunned as he comes up from the floor, while Jamie jumps back onto the apron and sprints across it, leaping up to the top rope and then floating backwards with a diving moonsault down onto his opponent! COACH YO~! Thatta way, J! O'Hara pops back up and works the crowd, as they applaud his daredevil tactics. The chosen Hooligan pulls Todd up and rolls him back into the ring, then gets back up on the apron. O'Hara then propels himself into the air, springboarding off the top before coming down with a splash...but Cortez rolls under it, back out to the apron. Luckily, O'Hara manages to tuck and roll as he lands, rolling to his feet...but when he turns around he's met with a springboard dropkick from Cortez! COLE Excellent counter by Cortez there! With Jamie down, Cortez drops a pair of knees across his forehead, then hits the ropes and connects with a third one. He covers, impatiently awaiting the referee's count. ONE! TW-NO! O'Hara escapes, and is pulled up by Cortez, who follows up with a hard kneelift to the gut. Cortez lifts him up for a vertical suplex, but as he's lifted off his feet Jamie kicks his legs, shifting his weight back down to earth, and reversing the suplex! He lifts Cortez, but Todd falls free and uses a go-behind, running him towards the ropes...but Jamie hangs on when they make the ropes! Todd rolls back and gets to his feet, delivering a kick when O'Hara turns...but Jamie catches his foot, delivers a middle finger salute, and then swings him around, taking him by the head and rocking him with a jawbreaker! Jamie hits the ropes, but when he does Todd drops to his stomach, and Jamie steps over him, running to the opposite side, and ducks under a Cortez leapfrog...but pauses after that, waits on Cortez to turn around...and then snaps him over with a rana! Cortez scrambles to the corner, and O'Hara follows up with a cartwheel into a handspring back elbow, knocking Todd for a loop! Before Todd falls to the mat, Jamie pulls him up by his wrist, and shoots him across the ring into the opposite corner...HARD! Cortez stumbles forward, as Jamie races to the ropes...but somehow Cortez comes alive and catches him on the rebound, dropping him across his knee with a hard backbreaker before falling to the mat himself! COLE Cortez caught him, but he's got to be careful not to exhaust himself, especially against a speedball like Jamie O'Hara! Jamie gets up, favoring his back, as Todd shakes the cobwebs loose. He takes Jamie's head and stuffs it down, placing him in a standing headscissors, and then hoists him off his feet, trying for a powerbomb...NO! O'Hara once again uses his speed and small stature to slip free, and starts nailing Cortez with forearm shots...but Todd scoops him up and delivers an inverted atomic drop once again, then hits another backbreaker before dumping him on the canvas! Growing weary, Cortez rolls out to the apron and then pulls himself up, launching himself back into the ring with a springboard kneedrop that connects...and he rolls through and springs up onto the middle rope, floating back over with a quebrada that sends him crashing atop his rival! A hook of the leg follows...but will a three count? ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE Jamie O'Hara kicks out again! Cortez doesn't look happy, as he leads O'Hara to his feet and stuns him with a European uppercut, then pulls him back towards him before he staggers away. He leads Jamie by the head to the corner, slamming his head into the top turnbuckle. Cortez then turns Jamie around and sends him to the far side...but Jamie scales the turnbuckles and backflips over a charging Cortez, who crashes into the corner and then stumbles backwards...right into a Blue Thunder Bomb by Jamie O'Hara! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! KICKOUT! COACH I'm glad I didn't put money on this one, Mikey Cole...you can't tell whose gonna win! COLE Both of these men are enduring enormous amounts of punishment, but still moving at full speed. That three count, whoever gets it, is not going to come easy! Jamie pulls Todd towards the center of the ring, and then drops a leg across his throat, keeping him stunned. He then runs the ropes and somersaults towards his foe, popping up into the air and coming down with a second legdrop...but Cortez rolls out of the way! Both men pop up to their feet, and Cortez snatches him by the throat, lifting O'Hara up before driving him down with an URBAN ASSAULT~! COLE HE HIT IT! URBAN ASSAULT ON JAMIE O'HARA COULD SPELL THE END OF THIS CONTEST! ONE! TWO! THRE-NO! KICKOUT! COACH DAMN! COLE Oh don't you start that too. COACH What?! Cortez is flustered that it didn't get three, but pulls the scrawny Britain up and sets him in a standing headscissors again, possibly looking for the RIOT ACT PLUS~!...but out of desperation O'Hara backdrops Cortez over! O'Hara crawls, then pushes up to his feet, turning just in time to see Cortez up and charging...so he dropkicks his knee, knocking him facefirst to the canvas! Cortez sits up, resting on his knees, while O'Hara runs the ropes and delivers a second dropkick, this one to the back of the head! Cortez falls face first into the canvas again, and this time, when he's set on all fours, O'Hara hits the ropes again and delivers a third dropkick to Cortez's face, before rolling him onto his back. ONE! TWO! TH-SHOULDER UP! COLE And now it's Cortez kicking out of another O'Hara attempt of a win! COACH These two HATE each other, Mikey Cole, so it's gonna damage pride one way or another. COLE Cortez didn't know who he was going to have to face until tonight, but like the man or not, he's been doing a damn good job holding his own against the unorthodox style of Jamie O'Hara tonight! O'Hara pulls Cortez up, but Todd takes him over with a fireman's carry, slamming him to the canvas. A bootrake follows, and the crowd boos the tactic loudly, which only serves to fuel Cortez's onslaught. He pulls Jamie up and again lifts him for a powerbomb...but this time O'Hara slides down Todd's back, reaching back and pulling him over with a backslide! ONE! TW-NO! Cortez floats all the way over, escaping the move, and tries for a roundhouse kick...but O'Hara ducks, then leaps up and snaps Todd over with an inverted huracanrana~! A loud pop follows from the crowd as O'Hara takes Todd and leads him to the corner, then lifts him up onto the top rope before climbing the turnbuckles himself. COLE Jamie stunned him with that inverted rana, and now Lord only knows what he's going for! O'Hara rest Cortez on the top, then delivers two quick forearm shots to keep him dazed. He stands on the top rope, and holds Cortez by the head, then brings him up to his feet...but as he's being brought up Cortez takes Jamie by the waist and then launches the both of them off the top rope... ...and DRILLS O'Hara with a SUPER INVERTED ATOMIC DROP~! COACH I felt that, Cole! I felt it, and it HURT! BAD! O'Hara kicks and squirms in pain on the canvas, his manhood aching as much as it ever has. He can barely get to his feet, but as he tries, Cortez quickly snatches him in the ready position, and then springs off of the canvas, over his back...and drills him for a second time, this time onto the crown of his head! RIOT ACT PLUS~! COLE He connects! That same move that broke the neck of Leon Rodez has just laid out Jamie O'Hara! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COACH I'm still hurting, Mikey Cole! COLE It's all right Coach, it's over. "Oh No" gets cued up for the victor, as Todd Cortez comes off the canvas with his hand raised. He quickly snatches his arm away from the referee and walks the ring, the sweat dripping off his forehead from this fast paced bout. COLE He claims that The Hooligans are nothing more than a corporately sponsored image, something created in a board room and not out of reality. Whether that claim is false or true is beside the point tonight, as Todd Cortez has just defeated one of the most popular athletes in the OAOAST with one of the most deadly manuevers in wrestling history. Cortez hops out of the ring and heads up the aisleway, backing away from overzealous fans leaning over the railing, and disappearing behind the curtain, as we head to commercial.

Holy fuck, someone besides me likes Stabbing Westward. Although that's far from my pick for saddest song.

Abe Vigoda Kid Rock Hugh Hefner Konnan Muhammad Ali-Best Bet Michael J. Fox Estelle Getty Osama Bin Laden Willie Nelson George Carlin Pete Doherty Jack Nicholson Willie Mays Verne Troyer Tom Bosley Bea Arthur Scott Stapp George Gaynes Sally Field Pete Rose

JOSH J. Math here with you backstage on HeldDOWN~!, this time talking with "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez about his upcoming battle against one of the three Hooligans at Mainframe Monday. We're not gonna know which Hooligan Todd will be taking on until match time, which means neither will you. Your thoughts? CORTEZ My thoughts? Listen here. First off, what's with your little "Hi guys, this is J. Math!" intro? You're like Hooligan-lite with the way you think you're somethin' you're not. What, Josh Matthews got a tag name now? I suppose next you're gonna tell me you know what it's like on the streets too, right? JOSH Actually, no... CORTEZ No, you weren't. If you were, you'd be lyin'. Just like those Hooligans are lyin'. All they are are personalities, images, poster boys created by the marketing machine here at the OAOAST. For God's sake, O'Hara's an ENGLISHMAN, and he's tryin' to pull rank on ME, saying he knows what street life is like? Let me ask you this, Josh. You ever have to cram eight people in a two bedroom apartment? You ever have to wear hand-me downs from your brother, that were still too big, because your mama couldn't afford to get you new clothes? Or let me dig a little deeper...you ever have to sleep away from the windows, in case a bullet came flying through? You ever run home from school because if you were on the street for too long, you might get caught up in a drive-by? Or maybe, just maybe you know what it's like to lose a loved one, have them taken from you from some scum of the earth bastard whose main goal in life is to see how much junk he can snort up his nose!? JOSH I...I... CORTEZ No, you HAVEN'T, have you? Damn overpriveleged, spoiled white boys that think a name and a costume and a catchphrase makes them street. I AM THE STREET. I lived the life, and you know what, I used to be afraid to admit it. I used to be embarrassed, but now, I embrace it, and I'll be damned if those three scrawny punks are gonna make a living and earn a rep pretending to be "REAL" as they put it, when they're nothing but frauds. So you people at home, you click on your computers, and you find me the perfect match for Mainframe Monday. Send one of those Hooligans my way. Just remember, before you click that button, you're just sending them to their execution! With that, Cortez shoves Josh Matthews down, storming away and piefacing the camera, leaving a flustered Josh to cut away to our next segment.

We cut now to a black and white shot of the OAOAST Corporate Headquarters, and slowly zoom in to see a figure standing on the rooftop. "Bruce Blank, you have made my life a living hell. You have pushed me farther than anyone that came before you. Mentally, physically, emotionally, I am a broken man because of you." The camera circles the rooftop, moving around as it closes in on Zack Malibu staring into the distance over the rim of his sunglasses. "My company has suffered. My family has suffered. My friends have suffered. I cannot forgive you for what you've done, nor can I forgive myself for allowing you to terrorize them all." Suddenly, quick jumpcuts of the most brutal moments in Zack Malibu and Bruce Blank's history flicker across the screen. "You have humiliated me. You have broken me. But you have not beaten me. I have something left. I'm inviting you, Bruce, come and ring in the New Year with me. Mainframe Monday, you'll hear about what I have to offer. My last chance at redemption could be the one chance you've wanted this whole time." The camera quickly zooms back, away from Malibu's stern look, all the way back to its original shot of the OAOAST Headquarters, as the screen breaks down into matrix code, forming this announcement: ZACK MALIBU RETURNS IN 2007~! OAOAST MAINFRAME MONDAY. JANUARY 1st, 2007.

Minor Nitpick: Both "I Write Sins, Not Tragedies" and "Dance, Dance" are 2005 songs. Timberlake's album was pretty damn good IMO, but then again I'm one of the minority who favors pop/dance/trance/club style stuff around here. While the album as a whole was also very good, Nelly Furtado's best single this year is easily "Say It Right". Fergie is better with the Black Eyed Peas, although I largely prefer Elephunk over the last album. On her own, she annoys me.

I went out on the day after Xmas expecting to burn through gift cards and let that be that. Instead, I wound up finding some very good sales on clothes. In one trip to the mall I wound up grabbing 2 hoodies, a dress shirt, a polo, 2 t shirts, and a hat at Hollister, a wool jacket at Aeropostale, and a pair of boots at Aldo, and spent less than $200.

Words from Zack Malibu for the first time since being forced to shake Bruce Blank's hand on national television. Hype for Cortez/Hooligans and Mainframe Monday.

Ric Flair turns heel on Sting, and the new Horsemen of Flair, Arn and Pillman beat him into oblivion at Halloween Havoc '95.

SCENE: The city. More specifically, an inner city area. Buildings are worn and torn. Laundry hangs outside apartment windows, even in the brisk air of winter. Snow is falling, and it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. It's also beginning to look like it's time for some more HOOLIGANDA~! *jump cut~!* The scene flashes back, and we see Johnny Jax, Scotty Static, and Jamie O'Hara (the latter wearing a Santa cap and drinking a 40. oz) parading through the streets, looking right at home. STATIC Ain't nothin' like bein' home for the holidays, you know what I'm sayin'? O'HARA When did we get to Atlanta? How much have I bloody drank? Static shoves the smallest of the three Hooligans aside, and O'Hara simply takes another swig. JAX Everyone's in the spirit out here. Some people are naughty... (cut to a shot of someone being inserted into the back of a police car, their hands cuffed behind them) STATIC ...while some are being nice. (a shot of a man and woman, in a very precarious position, is shown...complete with a black box blurring certain "activity") JAX Dammit man, we got kids watching! STATIC Sorry moms and dads, I know that wasn't the package you had in mind for junior! O'HARA Screw this. 'Tis the season for giving and receiving, so I'ma go get me a ho ho ho! O'Hara storms away from the GPX, who look on at their tipsy friend. Jamie goes and approaches a woman of questionable occupation, not exactly dressed for winter weather. As he converses with her, a police car drives by, slowing to a crawl to check out what's going down. O'Hara, angered that the cops are profiling him, starts shouting and waving his arms, daring the cops to come and get him. Johnny and Scotty run up and drag their friend away, but it's too late...the sirens are on and the cops are giving chase! SCOTTY I don't think this is what they had in mind when they talked about "dashing through the snow!" O'HARA Yes they did! Dashing through the snow from one whore's open legs! O'Hara drops his 40. oz during the Hooligans sprint from the authorities, and we fade to a black screen that's soon tagged with spraypaint, stating "HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE HOOLIGANS". And now, back to Sofa Central. COLE Hahahaha...oh man, leave it to Jamie O'Hara. COACH J. had the right idea, but at the wrong time! COLE Keep in mind folks the views of The Hooligans are theirs and theirs alon...wait...what do you want!? Michael Cole questions the arrival of Todd Cortez, who simply piefaces the announcer back, and grabs a live mic off the table! CORTEZ Are you KIDDING me? That's the type of crap you people buy into? Let me tell you somethin' about those Hooligans, talkin' about being "home on the streets". Those three vanilla midgets ain't got NO IDEA...NO IDEA what it's like bein' from the streets. The streets to them is all about image...all style but no substance. You think any cops pull THEM over? That they ever got racially profiled? Jumped as soon as they walked out their house for their lunch money? Have to live in the same apartment house as druggies and hookers and killers...the lower rung of society? They ain't NEVER had to live that life. They ain't NEVER had to suffer, but they wanna act like they're hard? Like they're legit? Well let me tell you people somethin'...I don't care which one of them you vote for...that loudmouth Scotty Static, that wannabe Johnny Jax, or that spot monkey O'Hara...come Mainframe Monday, I'm gonna punk off one of those posers, and THAT'S what's real! Cortez throws the mic down, just as Michael Cole is climbing back into his seat. The fans boo the "Urban Legend" as he heads back up the aisleway, and HeldDOWN~! will be back, after this.

2 DVD player, 2 DVD recorder/VCR combos, a PS2, XBox 360, 2 laptops=8.

Which one of The Hooligans do you want to see go one-on-one with "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez at Mainframe Monday? a)Scotty Static b)Johnny Jax c)Jamie O'Hara

This is it. A moment months in the making, a match anticipated by people the world over. No weapons, no partners, no nothing. Just two men embroiled in the most bitter feud imaginable. A personal war that has overcome the OAOAST throughout 2006. Zack Malibu. Bruce Blank. The most personal grudge in OAOAST history brings us here to HeldDOWN~! tonight. December 14th, 2006. Just 11 days before Christmas, and 2 days before his 26th birthday, will Zack Malibu have to shake hands and state his respect for a man that he'll never forgive for his sins, or will Bruce Blank enter the OAOAST ring for the last time tonight, and wind up conquered by his fiercest foe? "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" is the song of choice for our first contestant, as Michael Buffer is in the ring doing intro's. BUFFER Fans, this is your main event of the evening. It is Respect versus Career. Coming down the aisle at this time, he holds the claim to being the OAOAST's most hated. He is the leader of The Wildcards...BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK! The Southern badass comes out, minus his trust bat, but with all of his attitude in place. He walks the aisle attempting to shake hands in a show of "respect" towards the fans, but not one of them takes him up on the offer, as he's forced to walk to the ring amidst the jeers of the masses. COLE The nerve of this...ASSHOLE, plain and simple, to think that people would respect him just because he puts on this facade! Blank steps over the top rope and into the ring, tipping his hat to Michael Buffer and the referee, the famed Earl Hebner, before retreating to a neutral corner. "Save Yourself" by Stabbing Westward is cued up, and the fans come alive, as it marks the arrival of a very determined, very focused OAOAST Franchise. BUFFER His opponent, is a former two time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, and a former HI-YAH Heavyweight Champion. Known the world over as the most popular wrestler in OAOAST history, THIS IS ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLIBUUUUUUUUUU! Looking ready, Malibu comes down the aisle, power-walking to the ring and ready to get it on, not wanting to drag this feud out any longer. Too many people have been hurt on Malibu's watch, and tonight, that comes to an end. COLE Zack Malibu is always at his best when his back is against the wall, Coach. He goes into this match tonight with not one physical win over Bruce Blank. Blank defeated Zack at Angleslam this past August, and the other times they've met, it's never been Zack pinning Bruce. The Usual Suspects defeated The Dead Precidents earlier this year when Leon Rodez captured the fall on Bloodshed in that match, and Zack, Leon and the GPX won War Games after Landon Maddix submitted. So Malibu's track record against Blank is not a favorable one. COACH I'm sure people appreciate your history lesson, Mikey Cole, but you gotta throw all that out the window. The only thing Zack Malibu is thinking about right now is tonight. Not about any pinfalls or submissions or wins and losses. He's focused. You know how he gets. He's INTENSE~! about this. He has a chance tonight to rid the OAOAST of the most sickening, sadistic superstar we've ever seen. I'd take Mario Logan back over this guy! COLE You would? COACH Well, no...but you get my meaning. Malibu and Blank move towards each other, and the hard camera stays focused on the two as they come face to face. It's a tense moment as the combatants are silent, but the body langauge says it all. Bruce has that trademark Southern smirk, while Malibu is stoic and focused, his body trembling with rage. The bell sounds, and instantly Malibu comes out swinging, stunning Bruce with right hands! COLE Here we go! You can tell Malibu wanted to go before the bell sounded, and when it rang, he took it as the go ahead! Bruce can't follow up, and Malibu delivers hit after hit, rocking him with right hands! Zack breaks away and shoots himself into the ropes, bouncing off and cracking Bruce across the chest with a lariat, but the force isn't enough to topple the big redneck! Zack hits the ropes again and delivers a second lariat, again staggering Bruce, but not knocking him down yet! Bruce fires back with a hard lariat from a standing position, blasting Malibu and sending him down to the canvas! As Zack shakes it off, he feels Bruce reaching for him and pulling him up, then taking him by the head and tossing him through the middle ropes out to the floor, where Zack splats out on the mats! COLE He knows he's without his equalizer, that barbed wire bat. He knows that he can't rely on The Wildcards. The most important thing though, and it's visible by the way he just discarded of Zack and got him out of the ring, is that he can't get himself into a position where Zack is in a zone, because he cannot outwrestle Zack Malibu! Zack gets up quickly and shakes off the toss, running back up onto the apron. Blank turns his head, away from the taunts of the crowd, and sees Zack springboard back in, diving at him...but Blank catches the crossbody! The crowd groans as Blank snickers, then powers Zack up over his head, pressing him in the air...and goes and hurls him over the top rope, sending him splattering out on the floor once again! COACH Malibu's getting tossed around like a ragdoll, and I don't mean K-Money's brother, brotha! Blank brushes his hands off as if he's disposed of hazardous waste, while Malibu pushes up off the floor, again having been unceremoniously tossed aside by his worst enemy. Once up, Zack darts under the bottom rope and comes up to his feet, swinging for the fences with a flurry of right hands that once again have Bruce staggering. He takes the big man by the arm and looks to send him towards the ropes, but Blank swings around and throws Zack to the ropes. Malibu rebounds and runs under a lariat attempt by Blank, hitting the far side and connecting with another one of his own that once again stagger Bruce, but don't topple him. Zack then fires off a chop, and another, and a third, and a forth, but Blank breaks it up by shoving Zack down to the canvas! Zack rolls to his feet almost immediately and comes back up, shooting low and trying to take Blank down! Bruce hovers over Zack, not allowing himself to be brought down, and then slams a hard forearm across Zack's back. A second blow weakens Zack further, and Blank pulls him up, but Zack knocks his hand away and blasts him with a European uppercut! Smarting from the blow, Bruce backs up, as Zack hits the near side, then runs to the far side of the ropes, leaping into the air and driving his foot into Bruce's chest with a bicycle kick that finally brings the big man down to Earth! COLE He's got him down, and now he's got to work on keeping him there! Malibu goes to work over Blank, but Bruce quickly rolls to the outside, drawing boos from the crowd for his act of cowardice! COACH As soon as he went down, he went out! He's avoiding Malibu like...like... COLE Like most women you show interest in do to you? COACH At least I'm interested in women, you tea-party havin' pillow biter. Blank wipes his brow, and snaps at the crowd for their reaction...then gets caught with feet across his jaw, as Malibu rocks him with a baseball slide kick! Bruce is dazed, so Malibu takes hold of the top rope and launches himself over with a pescado...but he's caught again by Blank, who throws him onto the apron and shoves him back into the ring! COLE Notice how Blank keeps pushing Malibu away from him, not letting him gain any sort of momentum! Blank pulls his big frame up onto the ring apron, but as he stands on it Malibu springs from the canvas into the air, nailing him with a standing dropkick that knocks him back down to the floor! With Bruce again in a fog, Zack races to the ropes and charges forward, diving through the ropes with a bodypress that sends him crashing into Bruce Blank and wiping them both out at ringside! COACH YO~! COLE High risk move by Zack Malibu, and it put Bruce Blank down! The crowd roars as Malibu gets up and climbs onto Bruce, hammering him with right hands while using his weight to pin him down. A furious Malibu pulls Bruce up and delivers a hard European uppercut, then takes him by the arm and whips him into the ring apron! Blank cringes as his back is smashed against the hard side of the ring, and it's only furthered when Zack pulls him forward, then runs him back into it! As Bruce slouches, Malibu fires off a pair of chops to further his assault, then leads Blank by the hair and keeps him in his clutches so that he's prone to a headbutt! Blank backs off, covering his nose and mouth with his hand, but Zack pulls him back around and delivers another one, smashing his forehead into Blank's face! As Bruce tends to himself, Malibu forces him back into the ring, rolling him under the bottom rope. The raging redneck comes up to his feet as Malibu watches on, and attempts another launch via springboard, but Bruce lunges forward and pushes Malibu's legs off the top rope! Zack falls onto the apron, landing feet first like a cat, but Bruce is able to block his punch, then takes him by the head and runs him across the apron, smashing his face into the top turnbuckle! Zack staggers back, while Bruce hits the ropes inside the ring, extending his arm over the top rope and clotheslining Malibu off the apron and to the floor! COLE Just when we thought some control would be restored, we're moving right back to the outside! Blank, his nose and mouth now lined with blood from the headbutts, steps out onto the apron, then leaps off of it, jumping down to the floor to smash Zack across the back of the head with an axehandle! COACH Bruce Blank gettin' some hang time! Bruce toys with Zack, nudging him with the tip of his boot, then pulls him up to his feet...and delivers a hard slap across Malibu's face that knocks Zack back against the railing! Bruce stalks his foe, shouting "YOU WILL RESPECT ME"...only to be spit at by Malibu, who hocks a loogie right into Bruce's face! COLE You tell him, Zack! Blank is angry, but Malibu keeps him at bay with chops, fighting his way back, until Bruce puts a stop to it with a hard knee to the gut. With Zack doubled over, Blank takes him by the arm and whips him across ringside, and Zack crashes into the metal ring steps, knocking them from their base and causing himself to become bruised up in the process! After absorbing the blow, Zack is then sent back into the ring by Bruce, who hops up on the apron and enters through the ropes. He drops an elbow with Zack on the canvas, but at the last second Malibu rolls out of the way of the blow! Zack gets up and drops an elbow of his own, but Blank rolls out of the way, and Zack lands on nothing but canvas! Bruce gets up and then kicks his legs out, crashing down on Malibu's throat with a legdrop, and then sprawls across him for the pin! COLE Blank dropped that huge tree like leg of his right down on Zack's throat, and now he wants to try and put him away! ONE! T-KICKOUT! Quite quickly, Zack rolls a shoulder, escaping defeat. Blank brings the preppy superstar to his feet and rocks him with a forearm shot, then simply and blatantly rakes the eyes before luring Zack back in and taking him over with a suplex. Blank then pulls Zack up again and sends him into the corner, then gets a full head of steam and charges in, connecting with a running elbow across Zack's face! Zack falls forward out of the corner, and Bruce picks him up by the waist, taking him off his feet...then throws him forward back against the corner! The heel of Blank's boot is then placed against Zack's throat, and Earl Hebner initiates a five count, warning Blank that he needs to break the hold or risk a disqualification! Blank backs away, and sternly tells Hebner "You better respect me too, boy!" as he points a finger in his face, which is enough to let diminutive little Earl backstep a bit. Blank grabs Malibu and sends him across the ring into the far corner, where Malibu slams hard against the turnbuckles, but when Blank charges in this time, Zack ducks out of the way, and Bruce crashes into the corner himself! He staggers back, and Zack is right there to grab him by the waist, using every bit of his strength to pull the big man over with a German Suplex! COLE Zack Malibu brought the big man over and...wait, he's hanging on! They're coming to their feet again! WHAM! A second German Suplex! Once again, Malibu rolls through, forcibly bringing his larger foe to his feet, and picking him up AGAIN, dropping him with a third German! The crowd eggs him on, and Malibu AGAIN rolls to his feet, bringing Bruce with him, and ANOTHER German Suplex follows, making that the forth one that he's able to rock Bruce with! COACH He keeps getting up! He's going to suplex him half to death! Sure enough, both men are soon on their feet, and soon again Bruce is being dropped by a fifth German suplex! They roll to their feet again, but this time Malibu is too worn and doesn't have the strength, as he can't get Bruce up! Bruce reaches back and nails an elbow, but before he can do any more damage Zack pushes him towards the ropes, only to be bowled over with Blank rebound with a hard shoulderblock! Blank comes and yanks Zack up to his feet, hooking him in a front facelock...but Malibu slides his head out and delivers a kick to the gut, and another European uppercut that staggers Bruce near the ropes. Malibu charges, only to get backdropped up and over...but he lands on the apron...only to be hiptossed over the rope and right back in by Bruce Blank! Malibu is groggy as he rises from the ringmat, and soon finds himself grabbed by the throat! Blank lifts him off his feet for a chokeslam, but while in mid-air, Malibu reaches out and grabs Blank by the head, squeezing as hard as he can and trapping Blank in a move that he himself has used over time, the IRON CLAW~! COLE THE CLAW! ZACK MALIBU HAS THE IRON CLAW ON BRUCE BLANK! Blank, instead of chokeslamming Zack, now has to ease him down to his feet, trying to free himself of the hold. He grunts and groans as he shifts around, trying to break free, while the crowd cheers Zack on as he utilizes the famed Von Erich submission. COLE It was earlier this year during his tour of HI-YAH, where he was dubbed the Modern Day Warrior that Zack Malibu began using that move as a tribute to the original Modern Day Warrior, Kerry Von Erich. Right now, it could lead to victory tonight, and it could be the very move that sends Bruce Blank packing! Blank hollers out in agony as the tips of Zack's fingers dig into his skull, putting the pressure on! He continues to shift, first grabbing Zack's wrist with both hands...but then Blank is able to stretch his arm out long enough to grasp Zack by the head...AND APPLY HIS OWN IRON CLAW! COACH Blank's got it too! COLE They're BOTH trapped in the Iron Claw! Malibu groans, but won't relinquish his hold, as both men refuse to be the one to back down and break their submission! They hobble around the ring, each man growing wearier as they move around, looking for the one flaw that will lead to an advantage...and while moving around they wind up topping through the ropes, going out to the floor! COLE That's one way to break it! Blank had the leverage advantage, and was able to force Zack near the ropes, pushing him through and putting them both out here in front of us! Zack and Bruce both come up to their feet, and when they do, Bruce is quick to reapply the claw out on the floor, trapping Zack in it for a second time! Malibu grimaces as it's locked on, but then delivers a low kick to break it! COACH I suppose that's good, since it'll prevent little Blanks from running around someday! COLE I figure his overall demeanor is enough to scare any woman off. Zack takes Blank by the head and walks him over to the announce table, slamming his face into it and scaring the crap out of the residents of Sofa Central! He goes to do it again, but this time it's Zack's face that is sent into the tabletop, courtesy of a pissed off Redneck Superman! Blank takes Zack and pounds him across the back, beating him down to his knees with clubbing forearms, and sets him in a standing headscissors. He looks around, grinning sadistically as the crowd boos him on, and boo him even more when they realize what he wants to do! COLE Don't do it, Bruce! C'mon now! There's no listening to reason, as Blank reaches down and hoists Malibu up, flipping him into the air for a powerbomb through the...NO! Malibu floats through and lands on his feet in front of Bruce, then does a quick low drop and pulls Bruce up across his shoulders... ...AND PUTS HIM THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE WITH THE ANGLE SLAM~! COACH YO~! COLE WATCH OUT~! Cole and Coachman jump back, as Blank is laid out on the remains of what was their announce table! Malibu stays laying on the floor as well, exhausted and starting up at the lights, while the crowd is going ballistic! COLE We've lost our announce table! Zack Malibu has just planted Bruce Blank with the Angle Slam! "MAL-I-BU!" "MAL-I-BU!" "MAL-I-BU!" The chants are heavy as Zack rolls to his feet, but as he motions towards the fallen monster, referee Hebner comes over and orders Zack back into the ring, reminding him that there are still rules to be upheld. Malibu tries to get by him, but Hebner orders him into the ring or else a DQ will result, so Zack swallows his pride and heads for the ring, while Blank is laid out on the outside. COLE Earl Hebner knows that if you give Blank and Malibu an inch, they'll take a mile. I don't think putting Bruce through our table was on purpose so much as it was just a reaction to avoiding the powerbomb on the floor. Earl knows he can't let action like that continue though, because despite their past wars, these two men agreed that normal match regulations would appy tonight. Blank stirs, and groggily comes up to his feet. Malibu braces himself and waits on him, but can't go diving out of the ring, as Hebner is blocking the way, checking on Bruce. An angry giant has awoken though, as Bruce brushes past Hebner and leaps onto the apron, getting back into the ring to face off with his nemesis! Blank steps over the ropes, only to be met with more chops from Malibu...until he simply shoves Zack away! Zack bounces off the ringmat, rolling onto his stomach, and gets up and charges, trying to tackle Blank down, but can't bring him down. He's battered across the back to break it up, then pulled up and grabbed by the throat, lifted up off his feet and left choking in the air! COACH He's choking the life out of him, Mikey Cole! Malibu's face starts turning blue, as Blank's evil eyes peer into his. The hardcore monster then drives Zack down into the canvas, then hits the ropes and leaps off his feet, crushing Malibu and driving whatever air is left in his body out of it with a huge big splash! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! COLE Dangerously close to three there, but luckily for Zack Malibu it wasn't! Blank pushes up, and then plants a foot on Zack's chest, then literally walks over him, causing Zack to curl up into a ball as he gasps for air. Blank walks towards the ropes and stares into the hard camera, nodding to it and smiling before turning around and grabbing Zack as he comes up, dropping him over his shoulder with a back suplex! With Zack down again, Blank circles him, staring at his fallen rival before exiting the ring, moving out to the apron. COLE Where's he going now? COACH Is he coming back near us? COLE I don't...think...oh my God... Cole, and everyone else, is shocked to see Blank not heading to the floor, but up the ropes! The big man, known more for his hardcore tendencies than his aerial ability, moves up to the top rope, taking not more than a moment to focus on his foe before diving off with a splash from the top turnbuckle... ...THAT ZACK MALIBU IS ABLE TO ROLL UNDER AND AVOID! COLE He took a gamble that didn't pay off! Blank is hurting after coming up short on his dive, while Malibu pushes up to his feet and leans against the ropes. Bruce starts crawling on all fours, trying to get up, but Zack runs forward and kicks a HELLA soccer kick to his chin, knocking him for a loop! Zack then rakes the tip of his boot across the side of Blank's face, then charges the ropes and comes off with a low dropkick to the crown of Blank's head! Bruce is flattened out on the canvas, and Zack rolls him onto his back, then leaps onto the third rope and moonsaults back onto Blank, crashing onto him and hooking his leg to try and put him out of the OAOAST! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COACH Ahh, so close! Zack gets up, and immediately drops a knee into Bruce's temple, then brings him to his feet. He takes him and goes to send him to the corner, but as aching as he is, Blank plants his feet and won't budge. He pulls on Zack's arm and sends him to the opposing corner, where Zack collides chest first...and he staggers back into the waiting arms of Bruce Blank, who drops him with a full nelson slam! Blank drops to his knees, then lays across Zack and orders Hebner to count, hoping that the next three seconds are what he's been waiting all match for. ONE! TWO! THR...NO! SHOULDER UP! ZACK KICKS OUT! COLE They're running on pure adrenaline now, Coach! It's not going to be pretty, and it's not going to end easily! Bruce pulls Zack up, striking him with two left jabs that nearly knock him back down, then brings his right knee into Zack's midsection. Bruce reaches down and presses Zack overhead, almost showing off his strength, but while Bruce is preoccupied with showboating, Malibu manages to wriggle free! He lands behind Bruce and tries for another ANGLE SLAM~!, but Bruce slips out of the attempt, spins Zack around, and drops him with a swinging neckbreaker! He makes the pin again, and Hebner dives to the mat! ONE! TWO! THRE...NO! NO! ZACK MALIBU PUTS HIS FOOT ON THE BOTTOM ROPE! COACH So close, but no cigar Brucey! Frustrated that defeat was halted by something as minor as a foot on the rope, Blank drags Zack across the canvas, then drops an elbow into his sternum! He then takes the back of Zack's head and rams it into the canvas repeately, pummeling Zack without remorse before luring him back to his feet. Zack is defenseless at this point, and Blank hoists him up onto his shoulders, making sure he has enough room for a running start. COLE Oh no...NO! COACH He's going for the Broken Dream! Blank runs with Malibu on his shoulder, but at the last second Zack slips out behind him! Bruce quickly turns around, and when he does... CRACK~! ...SCHOOL'S OUT ON BRUCE BLANK~! BUT HE DOESN'T GO DOWN~! COLE HE'S STILL STANDING! He's up, but he's teetering like a Weeble Wobble, as Zack steps back, then fires forward with ANOTHER School's Out...that knocks Bruce down into the ropes! The rebound fires him back to his feet, and when he comes up Zack connects with a THIRD SCHOOL'S OUT THAT FINALLY KNOCKS BRUCE BLANK DOWN~! COLE HE'S GOT HIM! COVER HIM, ZACK! Malibu leaps on Blank, still hooking a leg, as the crowd is going apeshit, with every voice in the arena making the count. ONE! TWO! THREE...NO! NO! BRUCE BLANK KICKS OUT! BRUCE KICKS OUT! COLE HOW THE HELL DID HE DO THAT!? COACH I don't believe it! Malibu can't believe it, nor can the fans, and it surely shocked more than a few of you at home watching on television. Bruce Blank just survived not one, not two, but THREE School's Out superkicks! COLE I don't...I don't know how Zack can follow that up! COACH He can't get desperate now, Cole! COLE Kinda like you? COACH NOW ISN'T THE TIME FOR JOKES! Malibu, sure enough, is confused, as he doesn't know what he can do to slay the dragon tonight. So he pulls Blank up by his greasy mullet, or at least tries to, as Blank is nothing but dead weight. He tries dragging Bruce to his feet, but Bruce slightly pushes Zack away, trying to defend himself as best as possible. It barely bothers Malibu, who comes and grabs him by the head again...but as he brings Bruce Blank to his feet, Bruce rolls to the side and rolls Malibu up...GRABBING A HANDFUL OF TIGHTS IN THE PROCESS! COLE HEBNER! HEBNER LOOK! Earl can't hear, nor can he see the blatant violation, as Bruce Blank holds Zack Malibu down for the count! ONE! TWO! NO! KICKOUT BY ZACK MALIBU! The fans roar, as Malibu kicked out of the illegal pin, much to Blank's chagrin! Zack comes up to his feet, and a desperate Blank swings a haymaker shot at him, which gets ducked! Zack does a go-round, grabbing him by the waist and hoisting him over, dropping him on the back of his head with ANOTHER German Suplex! COLE His neck must be jelly by now! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! COLE HE DID IT! BRUCE BLANK IS OUT OF HERE! COACH BYE BYE, BRUCEY~! The fans are jumping in their seats, as Zack Malibu, after a near year long quest, has finally vanquished his greatest foe! He rolls onto his stomach before pushing up to his feet, the sweat pouring off of him, as Michael Buffer gets the official announcement from Earl Hebner. BUFFER LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR WINNER...BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK! COLE WHAT?! COACH WHAT?!?! Malibu's demeanor changes instantly, as he pulls Hebner aside. Hebner is fearing for his life as Malibu has grown wild-eyed, not wanting to hear what Hebner is telling him. COLE I don't...I don't see how Bruce Blank just won this match! COACH That Hebner DOES have a rep, you know. COLE Stop. Can we get a replay on this? Guys in the truck? Within seconds a replay of the final moments of action are shown, as Blank is dropped over with the German Suplex. Hebner slides down to count, but as he's counting Bruce slightly raises his left shoulder, keeping himself out of a pinning predicament but putting Malibu in one! COLE Oh no. Zack Malibu can NOT be happy! Bruce is wiped, but as Hebner goes over and raises his hand, he begins laughing uncontrollably. Malibu stands across the ring in the corner, looking out to the fans, as if he's ready to cry. Because now, he has to do something that affects his whole character, and his driving force. The man responsible for accosting his family and maiming his friends, is now waiting for a handshake. COACH You think he'll do it? COLE Normally, I'd say no matter what, Zack lives up to his word. This time, I'm not really sure. Malibu turns around, staring at Blank leaning against the other corner. Zack starts walking towards him with malice in his eye, and when Hebner tries to get Zack to back up, he's shoved to the canvas by the former World Champion! Zack walks right over to Blank and stares him in the eye, but then turns away. "DON'T YOU DO IT clap clap clapclapclap" "DON'T YOU DO IT clap clap clapclapclap" "DON'T YOU DO IT clap clap clapclapclap" COACH See? The fans don't wanna see this! COLE WE don't wanna see this! Despite what the fans are saying, Malibu stands his ground, turning to Blank again...and extending his hand, as the crowd boos violently. COLE What a blow to Zack Malibu tonight. To be humbled by such a rotten human being! Blank smiles a smile as wide as you'll ever see, knowing he's got Zack's back against the wall. He reaches out and takes Zack's hand, shaking it firmly while patting him on the shoulder. COLE This is sickening to me. Just disgusting. Look at Blank, acting like he's got a new best friend! Malibu pulls away and immediately exits the ring, heading up the aisleway, while Blank basks in the glory of victory. Malibu heads up the aisle with his head down, hurting physically and emotionally, as he's just had to offer a show of respect to the least likely candidate. If Bruce Blank wasn't already deep in Malibu's head, tonight sealed the deal, as not only can the Redneck Superman claim another victory over his rival...he's claimed his respect. FADE OUT.

I've got some of my nominees done up, but for the sake of helping you out PK, here are what I've got for PPV MOTY so far: Leon Rodez vs. Crystal, 24/7 Title Match, Great Angle Bash '06 The Hooligans vs. The Wildcards, Ultimate Punishment Match, GAB '06 Chicks Over Dicks vs. Christian Wright and Bohemoth, Anglemania V Two For The Money, Anglemania V Zack Malibu vs. Bruce Blank, Angleslam Alfdogg vs. Brock Ausstin, Spin The Wheel Make the Deal Iron Man Match, Zero Hour 2006 Six Way Survival Scramble for the OAOAST Women's Title, Anglepalooza 2006

Six matches, especially with how short several of them no doubt are (Umaga/Hardy and Lashley/Holly come to mind), not to mention the Masterlock crap doesn't take long, is easily fit in 2 hours.

Whatever the fuck they did to the board today, the promo I just spent a half an hour writing didn't take, and wasn't even there when I used the back button on my browser. I don't know if I'm headed home once I leave here at work, so if you don't have anything from my by 10ish or so, assume I was unable to get to a computer in time. To say I'm agitated right now is an understatement.

COLE We're having a great week here on HeldDOWN~!, but I'd be lying if I said that we weren't looking ahead to next week, with what is perhaps the biggest HeldDOWN~! match of the year. COACH Malibu vs. Blank, baby! COLE Indeed it is. Malibu/Blank II takes place next week here on HeldDOWN~!, and not without something at stake. Bruce Blank has tried to persuade the OAOAST that he's an upstanding, respectable citizen, even going so far as to offer his respect to Zack Malibu of all people last week! Zack didn't take the bait, isntead wanting to be the man to put Bruce out on the streets now that his contract is up for grabs, per his request, during his matches. Blank said he'd put his job on the line under one condition...that if Zack Malibu loses the match, he has to shake Bruce's hand in front of the entire world. COACH Ain't no way that's happenin'. COLE Never say never, Coach. As much as we're biased towards Zack, especially after all Bruce has done, we can't forget that at Angleslam, Bruce pinned Zack. Then, in the Tag Team Dream Match pitting The Usual Suspects against the Dead Precidents, it was Bloodshed who took the fall. At War Games, it was Landon Maddix who submitted. Even in victory, Zack Malibu has yet to defeat Bruce Blank. It's his toughest test to date because no one...NO ONE, has ever manhandled Zack physically and emotionally like Bruce Blank has.

While reading through old shows, I'd like to nominate the Love Shack with D*LUX's introduction for most entertaining segment.

Yep, I used to hop on Wrestleline all the time back then. Didn't join here until February of '02 though.

I had orginally thought the Van Wilder sequel was going to be direct to DVD. I didn't expect a huge performance out of it. I've seen ads for Turistas all over the place.

Deep in the heart of Philly, Stabbing Westward's "Save Yourself" brings the 1000+ to their feet, as the OAOAST's favorite son is about to make his presence felt here on HeldDOWN~! COLE Here comes a man who had one hell of a night this past Sunday! Fresh off an amazing give and take battle with the "Urban Legend" Todd Cortez, a match that saw both men showcase their natural abilities and not excessive weapon use, Zack Malibu comes through the curtain, scanning the crowd as the people on their feet cheer his arrival. COACH He walked out of November Reign a winner, Cole, but he didn't walk out happy, nor did he walk out a World Champion! COLE That was due to the cancellation of the Triple Cage Match, where the winner of Cortez/Malibu would have gone on to compete for Drek Stone's World Championship. We didn't get that match as planned, but we also left the pay per view knowing that Zack Malibu wants something just as much, if not more, than the World Heavyweight Title back around his waist, and that is Bruce Blank. Malibu hops into the ring, and takes the microphone. As his music is cut, that only gives the fans more of a chance to chant the man's name, as Zack has to pause and wait for the crowd to die down. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" MALIBU I'm out here tonight because I have a few things that I want to get off my chest, and they both relate to November Reign. This past Sunday, I was put into a situation where I had to bite my lip and suck it up a bit. I had to go into the ring against a man partially responsible for nearly everything that I've endured in the last six months. Beatdowns, bleeding, intimidating my family, and snapping my best friend's neck are just a few of the things that Todd Cortez is responsible for. The crowd boos, showing their disdain for the streetwise Wildcard. MALIBU So Sunday night, it all came to a head, and oddly enough, it was without any foreign objects, outside interference, or added stipulations. Sunday night, I proved to the world that Zack Malibu is STILL one of the world's greatest WRESTLERS, and I proved to Todd Cortez that I was, quite simply, the better man. No weapons, no interference, NO EXCUSES! I took everything you had Todd, and you gave me plenty...but I took it, and I gave it back, and I pinned your ass one, two three in the center of that ring. The crowd applauds, cheering Malibu's victory in the hard-fought contest that everyone on the internet has been raving about. MALIBU Now, by virtue of that win, I was supposed to move on. See, there was a missing piece to the puzzle the other night. A Triple Cage Match that was supposed to round out the show, and what happened? Our champion, our WORLD CHAMPION, pulled out at the last minute, citing an unfair working enviroment? Let me tell you something right now, and this is something I've had burning inside me since he got that belt...Drek Stone cares about HIMSELF, and only himself. Drek Stone does not care about business, he does not care about the legacy, the heritage behind that belt that people have busted their asses for! People like myself, people like Caboose, people like Anglesault, all fought and fought hard, no matter what, because it's not the belt who makes the man, it's the man who makes the belt! So he opens his mouth, has his back to the wall with the Triple Cage, and turns and runs. Just like he did to The Upstarts. Just like he did during the Civil War. Except this time, he left you people hanging, and he left seven angry men that he's going to have to deal with sooner or later. See, I know that things have gone off track. I know that I've been focused on other things...but do not forget that I have a title shot coming to me whenever I want it, Drek. I won Two For The Money. I busted my ass, I nearly killed myself ten times over with five other guys in a ladder match at Anglemania this past year to earn the right to stand face to face with the OAOAST World Champion anytime within the following twelve months. Then, I beat Todd Cortez on Sunday night, and I do believe the promise made by the man himself was that the winner of that contest would go on to the Triple Cage, and since THAT didn't happen, it would seem I'm owed something. It would seem I'm owed ANOTHER shot at the World Heavyweight Title! COACH He's right! He's absolutely right! COLE Coach, did you just count on your fingers to figure that out? COACH Nah, man, I was, uh...doing one of them gang signs to my homey over there. COLE Which homey? COACH Homey right there! COLE The seven year old kid in a Zack T-shirt, or the fat guy in a faded CWM T-shirt? MALIBU Now, people, please do not get your hopes up, because I'm not looking to cash in a shot at the World Title tonight. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! COLE He has every right to, but he's holding out? MALIBU I'm going to wait until the time is right. I'm going to hold off on that, because there's unfinished business. There's something that I want more than Drek Stone. There's something I want more than the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title. It's not even someTHING, it's someONE, and his name is BRUCE BLANK! So Bruce, I'm out here, I've got nothing planned tonight. We're in Philadelphia, the most extreme city in the United States of America, so why don't we have our own Hostile City Showdown RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW?! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Malibu throws the mic down, and tears off his T-shirt, throwing it into the crowd. He gets into the ready position, and watches the aisleway, and sooner than later the big redneck swings the curtain open and storms out, equalizer in hand! COLE Here he comes! Here comes Bruce Blank! COACH He's got the bat in one hand and a mic in the other! The despicable human being that he is, Blank comes about halfway down the aisle and stops, while the crowd shouts him down and eggs him on to get in the ring, as Zack is waiting on him. BLANK Now hold on a minute there, boy, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Ya see Zack, I know how bad you want me in that ring with you. I know what pleasure it'd give you to pluck out one o' my eyeballs with your fingers, or maybe crack my skull with my own little toy here. All that rage and frustration, tryin' to seek redemption for your friends and family...it makes a man do crazy things. But now let me tell you, Zack, what I saw out of you Sunday night...hell, that's a different story altogether. See I looked at that monitor and I saw one of my boys, and you, puttin' on one hell of a show. One hell of a fight, actually. I saw a battle, a war out in that ring. I saw the Zack Malibu I had only heard about, or seen on tape. A Zack Malibu completely different from the one I've encountered. I saw a man use his bare hands to win at all costs. I saw a warrior in you, Zack Malibu. You beat my boy Todd Cortez fair and clean. You proved that you were indeed the better man, maybe not overall, but just for a night. You deserved your shining moment, and boy, let me tell you, I think you've damn near accomplished the impossible, because you have earned my respect! COLE WHAT?! COACH Ditto on the WHAT?! over here, Cole! Malibu looks at Blank as if he's totally lost it, as the Redneck Superman inches down the aisle and towards the ring. BLANK That's all it comes down to, ain't it Zack? Respect for others? So I tell you what, Zack Malibu...as a man, I am going to do the unthinkable, right here in Philadelphia. See, we don't need to fight, not now. So what I'm gonna do is come up into that ring, and I'll even put my lil' bat here down on the floor...but I'm gonna come into that ring and shake your hand, because I RESPECT YOU. "BLANK'S A PUSSY!" clap clap clapclapclap "BLANK'S A PUSSY!" clap clap clapclapclap "BLANK'S A PUSSY!" clap clap clapclapclap The hostile Philly crowd is all over Blank, who glares at the fans as he walks up the steps. He comes over the top rope and into the ring, slowly approaching Zack Malibu. Zack looks up at his foe, who smiles, and then extends his hand...AND MALIBU SLAPS IT AWAY! COLE Atta boy, Zack! Blank chuckles to himself, and then offers his hand again, but once again Zack knocks the hand away, and now Blank seems to be rethinking his stance! COLE He has to be crazy if he thinks Zack Malibu is going to forgive and forget and shake his hand! BLANK C'MON Zack, I am putting myself out on the line here. I am showing that I am the better man, now you take my hand and you shake it, and we can call it a day! Blank comes close and extends his hand again, and once again Malibu knocks it away, shaking his head "no" at a disgusted Bruce Blank. BLANK You're bein' a poor sport son, now why don't you just... WHAM~! Things have broken down in Philly, as Malibu has had enough, and connects with a solid right hand, followed up by a series of them that rattle Blank and put him against the ropes! Zack runs across the ring and springs back off the ropes, running towards Bruce and delivers a hard lariat that dumps Bruce over the ropes and to the floor...but Bruce lands on his feet! He yanks Zack's legs out from under him and pulls him to the floor, and now we've got a melee at ringside! COACH It's breakin' down! Referees, trainers, and a slew of supporting cast members come down and try to quell the commotion as Blank and Zack tear up ringside. Blank backs away, and goes in search of something, reaching under the ropes and grabbing one of the mics. BLANK I tell you what, Zack, I'm gonna make a deal with you. You know how I got my contract on the line all the time now...that I'll rip the damn thing up if someone can beat me? Zack, listening to every word, shouts that he wants Blank's ass out of the company. BLANK I tell you what...in two weeks, I'm gonna give you an early Christmas present. I'm gonna give you the chance you want...the moment you've been waiting for. Live on HeldDOWN~!, I'm gonna put my career in the OAOAST on the line with you in a match, one on one! The fans roar, and Malibu is quick to agree, as he's ready for the match NOW. BLANK Whoa whoa now, junior, you sure you wanna do this? Because that's not the only thing I had in mind. If I happen to beat you, Zack, then I get what I want for Christmas. If I can beat you, one two three, fair and square, than I want what's coming to me...I want your RESPECT! COLE Nooooo way. He's serious!? BLANK That's right Zack, you have the chance to get rid of me forever, to make it up to everyone for what I did...but so help me God if I pin your ass you are gonna shake my hand with the world watching! Malibu shouts out "YOU'RE ON!" and it brings up a loud pop from the crowd. Zack stands in the aisleway, trying to get through the wall of security, but there are too many people block his path. The cameras pan over to Blank, throwing the mic down at Sofa Central with a sadistic grin on his face, and it looks like while they're not getting into it tonight, a MAJOR match has been set for two weeks from tonight!