Zack Malibu

Holee shit. I just got a "View Incident" report on my TNA game (that I'm almost a year into), and clicked on it, fearing the worst. Instead, I see that "CM Punk has married a previously unknown daughter of Jerry Jarrett after a whirlwind romance". WOOHOO~! PUNK'S UNSACKABLE~!

Hello, this is HOGAN we're talking about. The same Hogan who bitched about how Angle and Lesnar got more ringtime than him in the 6-man Tag Team match on Smackdown earlier this year just because he thinks that even though he's old, he should be a full-time main-eventer just because the crowd still pops loudly for him. If RVD (that is if RVD does go to TNA) vs. Hogan does happen, then that will kill any hopes of RVD being used better in TNA because Hogan WILL NOT put him over since he showed his true colors before leaving WWE once again (that's right, Hogan just acted nice in WWE at first by putting over Brock Lesnar and others so he could fool us into thinking he had changed, but he's still the same). My post was done mainly in a joking sense. Political B.S. aside, you're telling me you wouldn't get a kick out of Hogan trying to keep up with RVD, or RVD stiffing Hogan a few times?

At the rate things are going, Hogan vs. Van Dam could be a major 2004 TNA feud. I, for one, would find it entertaining on so many levels if that match ever went down.

::Accepts award, but not beating, on behalf of said stunt double.::

Is that a reason why Chave rules, or just an observation on your part?

Ahem, you yourself stated I'm the coolest person you've met on here. Take your pseudo cynicism elsewhere, lucha-man.

No commentary needed, Northstar is covering us there. Write the first part (intro's to the middle of the match) and try to have it to me by Tuesday, that way I can add our stuff together, then Northstar can go over the match as a whole and do commentary.

10)Is a Slut 11)Make people edit posts (which, when not done to me, is OK. I'll let it slide this time...)

Alf yes. Mario vs. a Strawberry Shortcake bop bag would outdraw him. As for the greatest fighting champion in OAOAST history, you'd have a bit more trouble. Too bad you're on the other show now so the much anticipated (by no one, really) Zack vs. Naz match can't happen.

::Zack comes into the thread, and checks on the stunt double that Ragdoll dropped headfirst.::

Wouldn't it be faster to drive, or fly even?

I wonder if the Backseats losing has anything to do with possible personal situations Kashmere could be dealing with? I haven't heard anything, but maybe the guy is gonna be taking a break, and ROH had no choice but to pull the belts off 'em?

Naz vs. Nas, to draw in that gangsta demographic, and confuse the shit out of the announce team.

Here's my 18, pulled from recent rotation on my own playlist. This is just what I'm into for the moment, not my all time Thalia-"Baby I'm In Love" Black Eyed Peas-"Shut Up" Kelly Clarkson-"You Thought Wrong" Plural-"Crazy Talk" Brooke-"Coming Home" Alexia Phillips-"You Know How Much I Want You" Obie Trice f. Eminem-"Lady" O-Town-"From The Damage" Stabbing Westward-"What Do I Have To Do" Sweet TB-"Let Me Fly" Evanescence-"My Last Breath" Kylie Minogue-"Love Affair" Sasha-"Dat Sexy Body" Stevie B.-"Funky Melody" Phantom Planet-"California" BT-"Somnambulist"

I still read through the Apter mags (get 'em from work), and while many of them have taken to breaking kayfabe (something that they started doing after WOW Magazine began doing it) they're just entertaining filler to me, ESPECIALLY the PWI 500, which compiles their list based on star popularity and which indy guys get their info into them on time.

IIRC, it had something to do with Pillman relating the Gangstas to the rap group NWA (Niggaz With Attitude) and Jack thought Pillman was being a racist and calling him "nigger" in demeaning fashion.

Cole never said Axel would be in the ring, he said "take it to the ring", as all announcers do for an upcoming bout. All that was said was that Axel's Open Challenge would be the first thing on the show. The Northstar segment and match fit into one segment, similar to how wrestlers have prematch promos before their matches to hype whatever angle they are in at the time. Why have an interview with Northstar, break, and then come back to a match with the guy we saw 2 minutes ago? As for the segment, granted I didn't look in GCF all that often this week, but the segment in question did damage to hD~! and tried to make IZ look better on our show, something that no hD~! talents have done on your program. Two weeks in a row we've had IZ guys on the show, and while that's fine, I'm not going to let my show get bashed DURING THE SHOW. You wanted an IZ character to squash a hD~! character HIS FIRST NIGHT OUT. There was no reason for it, it didn't fit into the flow of the show, so why use it. It was just an IZ ego boosting piece. I'm all for brand rivalry, hell I wanted it from the start. But no one from here has shown up on IZ and tried to kill off PRL's crew or anything similar, and you guys would refuse to have that done. Why should my reaction be any different?

OK, I'm going to write a portion of the Title Wave match, and Northstar has volunteered to put in commentary throughout. Rags, are you up for writing the first portion of the match? I need to know ASAP. EDIT:Panther's match is all set, ignore what was here.

PROPS: Axel Northstar Calvin Zack BPP Mike Darring

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! TONIGHT on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! People fight! Matches are made! Promos are cut! Fans will not only cheer, but boo as well! All this and more tonight on the show that streaked longer than Naked Mideon! (NOTE: We at the OAOAST apologize for the generic and rather lame opening piece. This is what happens when you give Kevin Nash the book.) We take you know to the two men who are anything but generic. In fact, most people are glad that each of them are truly one of a kind. The Awesome Announce Team is back for another edition, so take it away... Michael Cole and Da Coach~! Coach:"WHAZZZZZAAAA!" MC:"Coach, the joke is dead. Let it go." Coach:"What joke? It was an honest question. WHAZZZZAAAA Michael Cole?" (Cole hangs his head in shame) MC:"Fans, we thank you for tuning in to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I'm Michael Cole, alongside the one, the only, the occasionally obscene Jonathan Coachman, here to bring you another action packed two hours of OAOAST action." Coach:"A show that's packed with action, because tonight, we've got two big title matchups!" MC:"That's right. Tonight Northstar will defend his 24/7 Title against a man who has come so close to tasting title gold many times here on HeldDOWN~!, Mad Matt." Coach:"Let's not forget the special stipulation to that match, Michael. Earlier in the week, Northstar approached our own "GM TM", Tim Moysey about his recent matches, which as you and our fans know have gotten quite crazy, as per 24/7 rules. However tonight, the stipulation to the 24/7 match is that it will be contested under the rules of a standard wrestling match! No hardcore weaponry, no falls counting anywhere, just two men, man to man in the center of the ring." MC:"That's actually pretty surprising of Northstar, however I put nothing past him. Our other big title match tonight will be between Ragdoll and Zack Malibu for the OAOAST X Title. Ragdoll requested some "real competition" as he needs a breather from his feud with Mad Matt, and Tim Moysey delivered in spades, signing up the former World Champion to possibly take down Ragdoll!" Coach:"That's going to be a hell of a matchup between two of the best workers on the roster." MC:"I can't wait for that one. Right now though, we're going to head to the ring, as Axel, a member of the Totally Endorsed stable, has become a little unstable due to recent losses suffered to The Dream Machines. Tonight...right now in fact, Axel has had an open challenge laid out for anyone to accept, and he's wasting no time in finding out if anyone wants to answer. Take it to the ring!"

Coach:"I can't wait, Michael. By the time the credits roll on that PPV, Crystal and I are gonna be on a boat, sailing for an unnamed tropical island, with her hand in mine, and the OAOAST Title draped over her shoulder." MC:"Coach, are you taking medication for these delusions? Because if not, you really should be." Coach:"Ah, you're just hatin' on a brother." MC:"A quick word before we start. Apparently Tim Moysey did not take kindly to the promo from that other brand, nor did he take kindly to Mike NOR Jay Darring showing up here tonight. We just got word that Charlie Hoss has removed BOTH from the building, and right now police are trying to breakup a confrontation between Charlie and Mike Darring in the parking lot!" Coach:"You're telling me that Darring fool tried to start something with Charlie? You think he needs backup?" MC:"I'm sure he can handle it." "How can you see into my eyes, like open doors..." HeldDOWN~! returns from commercial to darkness, the arena only illuminated by the glowing AngleTron which is playing Zack Malibu's entrance video. Suddenly, the arena erupts in a blast of light, as pyro EXPLODES, showering some nearby fans in sparks. Zack Malibu and Candie come pacing out from backstage out into the arena, and go right into working the crowd up. They take a leisurely pace down the aisle, slapping hands and egging on more cheers, before sliding in the ring and posing under the spotlights that flicker across the arena. MC:"It was just one week ago that Zack Malibu was inches away from winning the 24/7 Title, only to have Northstar retain after Zack took CWM out with a School's Out. Now tonight, Zack looks to add the X Title to his list of achievement, and does battle with a man that, despite his attitude, can hang with the best of 'em. I'm talking about Ragdoll." "VIVA LAS VEGAS" segues into "Deceptacon", by Le Tigre. Some noticeable female squeals, but mainly boos greet the current X Champion, as he makes his way out flanked by Josie and Melanie. Coach:"Also last week, those two hoochie mama's got their just desserts when my girl Crystal took 'em to school!" MC:"Keep your focus on the matter at hand, Coach." Coach:"Oh I'm focused. I've got my eye on them." MC:"I'm sure you do." Ragdoll swaggers slowly to the ringside area, casually taking drags from his cigarette. One fan leans over the rails clutching a sign that says "Rags is for fags", and Ragdoll just swipes it away and rips it up, not even blinking or bothering to look at the guy. The treacherous trio make it to ringside, with Rags taking a final puff of his cigarette before turning around and flicking it, nonchalantly, at a fan. Josie and Melanie step away, as the X Champion jumps up on the apron and steps through the ropes, his music now fading out. Ragdoll walks into the center of the ring, and Zack comes away from the ropes where he was stretching, as we are ready to get underway. The referee raises the belt up in the air, showing it off to everyone in the audience. After handing it over to the timekeeper, the bell is sounded. Ragdoll and Zack start to circle the ring, and then come at each other in the center, locking up. Both men jockey for position, with Ragdoll grabbing a headlock, but Zack slips out easily and grabs one of his own. Ragdoll tries to counter by lifting Zack with a back suplex, but Zack shifts his weight forward, carrying Ragdoll over with a takedown and keeping the headlock cinched in. Ragdoll kicks his legs up, wrapping them around Zack's head with a headscissors, but Zack pries the legs off of his head. Both men get up, and Zack takes Ragdoll back to the mat with a fireman's carry, and then goes for a quick cover, getting a simple one count on the X champ. He goes to pick him up, but Ragdoll cradles him in a small package, and the champion only gets a one count on the challenger. Both men get to their feet, and Ragdoll tries to hiptoss Zack over, but Zack hangs on, then tries to use his own hiptoss, but Ragdoll blocks that, and then grabs Zack's other arm, going for a Tiger Suplex, but Zack headbutts him to break! Ragdoll falls back, stunned, and Zack goes for another attempt at the hiptoss, but Ragdoll spins behind him, rolling him up with a schoolboy...not even a two count! Ragdoll pulls Zack up and uses an Irish Whip, but Zack turns back towards him, nails a kick to the gut, and takes him over with a butterfly suplex! Ragdoll hurries up to his feet, and gets knocked right back down, courtesy of a dropkick by Zack Malibu. Ragdoll goes to get up again, but when he sees Zack waiting on him, he scurries to the outside, sliding under the bottom rope and to the floor, into the waiting arms of Josie and Melanie. Ragdoll catches his breath, while Zack looks on, staying focused from his point in the ring. Candie pounds the apron, rallying behind Zack as are many of the fans. Coach:"I think Ragdoll's a little upset tonight, Michael. He's got someone he can't take lightly, and that means less showboating." MC:"It also means more stalling. Look at what's happened already. We're what, about three minutes into the match, and he's already bailed out, looking to be saved by his ladies." Ragdoll gets up on the apron, and when Zack looks to meet him, Ragdoll calls to the ref, telling him to hold Zack back. The ref does tell Zack to allow him in, and Ragdoll takes the open chance to hurry back into the ring and charge Zack, catching him off guard with an elbow shot to the face! Ragdoll slams several forearms down on his back, and then stands Zack up, striking him with a hard knife edge chop across the chest! Rags wrenches the arm, and then tries for a Russian Legsweep, but Zack elbows out of it, hitting one of his own and floating over for a cover...Two Count! He picks Ragdoll up, but gets a shoulder driven into his gut by the champion, who then backs up and bounces off the ropes, then floats over Zack's back, landing on his feet. He grabs Zack in a waistlock, but Malibu fires an elbow back, then breaks from his grip and grabs a waistlock of his own, dropping him with a German Suplex...holds on...and another German Suplex...STILL holds on...and ANOTHER German Suplex...Malibu hangs on...a FOURTH German Suplex! Zack rolls up, bringing both men to their feet, and tries for another, but Ragdoll is dead weight. Zack tries for a fifth suplex, but Ragdoll winds up flipping over his shoulder, landing on his feet...GERMAN SUPLEX BY RAGDOLL...WHO HANGS ON...a second one...a third one...HE BRIDGES ON THE FOURTH ONE! The referee hits the mat once, twice...TWO COUNT ONLY! Both men lay on the mat, as the crowd applauds heavily. Each man's respective valet(s) urge them on, as the referee gives the standard standing ten count. Ragdoll gets up first, looking out to the crowd with a sadistic grin, as if to gloat about some evil plot in his head. He pulls Zack up to his feet and nails him with several elbow shots, then sends him into the ropes. Ragdoll tucks his head, preparing for a back bodydrop, but Zack puts on the brakes and kicks him back to a standing position, then tries a lariat, which gets ducked by Ragdoll, who then reaches back and hooks a backslide on Zack! Pin attempt...only for two! Ragdoll picks Zack up, uses a facelock, and tries to lift him, but Zack won't go up. Ragdoll tries again, and Zack shoves him away, and when Ragdoll moves in towards him, Zack NAILS him with a ROARING ELBOW~! that sends Ragdoll spilling to the mat! Zack falls to his knees, trying to get himself together, as Ragdoll puts his hand to his mouth, making sure all of his teeth are still intact. Both men get up at just the same time, and Ragdoll comes at Zack, but Malibu quickly counters, taking him to the mat with an STO that takes the wind out of Rags' sails! Zack then runs the ropes, and comes off with a legdrop, dropping it right across the throat of the X Champ! Zack grabs Ragdoll and pulls him off the mat, and then whips him hard into the corner, smashing the champs back against the hard turnbuckles. Ragdoll slouches down, and Zack charges him, then jumps, squashing him in the corner with a splash! Ragdoll falls down on his ass, in a seated position, as Zack paces the ring, still weary and using a moment to catch his breath. Ragdoll starts to come up, but Zack grabs him, however Ragdoll hooks him by the waist and lifts him up, looking to drop him facefirst on the turnbuckles...but Zack grabs the ropes on his way down, stopping himself from smashing his face! Ragdoll comes up out of the corner thinking he's stunned Zack, and when he turns around he sees Zack spring off the second rope and turn in midair, snapping Ragdoll over with a huracanrana~! Ragdoll, in shock, pulls himself up quickly with the help of the ropes, but gets dumped over the top by a charging Zack, who hits a clothesline that takes him over the top rope and to the floor as well! MC:"What momentum on that move!" Josie and Melanie hurry over to Rags, checking on him. Candie tries to check on Zack, but has her path blocked by Rags' fallen body and his two ladies. Melanie starts getting in her face, telling her to back off and shoving her. Coach:"Oh man, this is gonna get good...this is gonna get good..." MC:"Good for who? Candie, Josie, Melanie, or YOU?" Candie takes the insults in stride, but one push too many draws her ire, and she SHOVES Melanie onto her ass! Josie, who was tending to Rags, clutches the Singapore Cane and comes running over, but Candie grabs the cane from her before it can be used...AND RAPS HER RIGHT ON THE ASS! Coach:"Did she just...SPANK HER?" MC:"She hit her with a cane, Coach. It's not a paddle." Candie weilds the cane now, and threatens to swing for the fences if Josie or Melanie come near her. The two girls back away, while Candie plays to the crowd, raising the cane. As for the contestants in the actual match, Zack is up and starts to get back in, but Ragdoll notices Candie clutching his cane. He swipes it from her grip, and when she turns around he gets in her face. Ragdoll grabs Candie by the hair, and looks like he's going to crack her with the cane...but Zack saves the day with an Apron Run Diving Clothesline! The crowd pops, and Zack makes sure Candie is OK, before rolling Ragdoll back into the ring. Zack gets up on the apron, and before he can get in Ragdoll gets up, ramming a shoulder into his midsection, then dropkicking his leg out from under him, causing Zack to fall to the floor and smash his chin on the apron! Zack staggers in a daze, and Ragdoll slingshots himself up, springboarding off the top rope with a flip dive, crashing right down on top of Zack! Both men are exactly where they were just moments ago, but the high impact of that last move could be a focal turning point for Ragdoll in this matchup! A noticeable "OAOAST" chant breaks out, as Cole and Coach have production pull up a split screen replay for the fans at home. Ragdoll gets up and gloats, putting the boots to Malibu while ringside fans yell for him not to. Ragdoll turns to them and shouts them down, being sure to mention "I'm the X Champion, not you!" to those within earshot. Ragdoll picks Zack up and starts to shove him into the ring, but shakes his head no, and pulls Zack out by his leg. Ragdoll pulls Zack up again, and this time runs him headfirst into the steel post, knocking Zack silly! MC:"C'mon, I mean is that necessary?" Coach:"Why even ask, Michael? You know Rags would tell you it was!" The fans boos get louder, as Ragdoll does a little strut at ringside. Zack pushes himself up on the ringside stairs, his forehead having drawn blood upon the impact against the post. Ragdoll comes over and Zack is getting up and rams him headfirst into the top of the steel steps, then pulling Zack away and holding him in a style similar to a Dragon Sleeper...and then reverse DDTing him on the floor! Coach:"He just drilled him into the concrete!" Zack lay on the floor, holding his head, while Ragdoll pries the steps away from ringside. He sets them up on the side of Zack, and then walks over to the far side, doing a little powerjog. Ragdoll then rushes forward, running up the steps and hitting a SHOOTING STAR PRESS off the steps, down onto Zack Malibu on the floor! Zack gasps and coughs, clutching his ribs, while again Ragdoll gets up and showboats. MC:"I'll give him credit, that was a hell of a move, but if he's not going to take advantage and get a pin soon, it's gonna come back and bite him in the ass!" Coach:"Hey, we got kids watching!" Ragdoll pulls Zack up and rolls him in, then starts walking towards Candie, making the "me and you" motion to her. Nothing comes of it, as Candie backs off and Ragdoll turns his attention back to his foe in the ring. Rags gets up on the apron and looks down at Zack, then jumps up, springing off the top rope into a 450 Splash...AND HITS NOTHING BUT KNEE! ZACK GETS HIS KNEES UP! Ragdoll favors his ribs now, the hurt is apparent on his face. He starts to get up, as does Zack, and Malibu gets a quick burst of energy, rushing forward and carrying Ragdoll over with a backdrop driver, planting the champion right on his head! Both men lay on the canvas now, as the desperation move has paid off for the former World Champion. Ragdoll starts to stir, and crawls towards the ropes, while Zack sits up, but is still weary. Ragdoll makes it over to the ropes and clutches the bottom, then the middle, and finally the top, standing himself up. He turns around, and comes face to face with a recovered Zack Malibu, who SMACKS Rags across the chest with an open hand chop. The X Champion flinches, trying to turn away, but Zack grabs him and leans him against the ropes, chopping him again and sending pain reeling through his body. Malibu takes Ragdoll by the arm and sends him into the opposite side, then catches him as he comes off with a Manhattan Drop, and follows up with a lariat that causes Ragdoll to do a spin bump in mid-air! Zack waves his arms at the crowd, getting some more cheers out of the fans, and points down to his foot. The fans both in attendance and at home know what's coming, as Zack positions himself. Ragdoll gets up, and Zack tries for it...SCHOOL'S OUT~!...NO! Ragdoll catches Zack's foot, and spins him around...AND ZACK SPINS AROUND RIGHT INTO HIS OWN YAKUZA KICK, NAILING RAGDOLL IN THE FACE~! Coach:"YO~!" Zack falls on top of him for the cover, hooking the leg in mid-pin...FOR TWO! RAGDOLL KICKS OUT! Zack gets up and goes to bounce off the ropes, but when he does Melanie CRACKS the cane across his back, sending Zack falling forward onto all fours! Melanie cusses out Zack, but the fans start stirring, as Candie comes around to Mel's side...AND SPEARS HER OUT OF HER BOOTS~! Candie talks down to Melanie, as Josie comes sneaking up behind her...AND CANDIE DROP TOEHOLDS JOSIE ONTO MELANIE! CANDIE HAS TAKEN CARE OF THE RAGETTES~! MC:"I'm surprised you didn't rip on Joey Styles and scream 'catfight', Coach." Coach:"Eh, Styles ain't got no style. I'm a true playa for real." MC:"English, Coach. English." Coach:"Whateva, man." The two combatants are standing toe to toe in the ring once again, Ragdoll being the one on the receiving end. Zack sends him into the ropes, but instead of coming off the ropes, Rags slides out under the bottom rope, and looks down at his Ragettes, and now starts coming towards Candie...BUT CATCHES A BASEBALL SLIDE FROM ZACK! Ragdoll goes stumbling into the guardrail, and Zack comes sliding out, retrieving him from ringside and tossing him back in. Zack slides back in himself, and picks Ragdoll up, looking for a POP DROP~!, and locks Rags in a facelock, but gets shoved off, and collides with the referee! The ref goes down, as Zack then takes a low blow by Ragdoll out of desperation, as the champion is starting to get desperate, especially without his 'backup'. Groans and jeers start coming from the crowd suddenly, and before you know it, CWM has hit the ring! MC:"What is he doing out here?" CWM stands behind Zack, and then spins him around...POLLYCUTTER~! POLLYCUTTER OUT OF NOWHERE~! Coach:"Didn't take him long to use this opportunity!" CWM pops right back up, and looks down at Zack, spitting on him. Ragdoll quickly shakes the referee, trying to revive him, and succeeding. He crawls over to Zack, who's been knocked out, and covers. One...Two...Th...NO! NO! ZACK MALIBU KICKS OUT! MC:"ALL RIGHT!" Coach:"Biased, much?" MC:"Oh and you aren't?" CWM, who was returning to the dressing room, stops dead in his tracks in the aisle and turns around, seeing Ragdoll pitching a fit. CWM starts pacing back towards the ring, while Zack sits up, but takes a hard kick to the back by Ragdoll, who then runs the ropes and makes Zack eat a basement dropkick to the chin. Ragdoll gets up and slaps his knee, then waves Zack on, eager for him to get up. Malibu starts pushing himself up, and Ragdoll charges with a DEVIL DOLL...AND GETS SPEARED OUT OF THE AIR BY ZACK MALIBU! Ragdoll clutches his ribs and kicks his feet on the mat, while Zack lay virtually motionless. CWM stands at ringside, just staring in and not even blinking. Candie pounds on the apron, as the crowd starts a "Zack" chant for more support. Zack gets up, and sees Ragdoll crawling on all fours, and readies himself. Zack starts charging, but Ragdoll sees in and quickly pulls the referee in the way! MC:"What a coward!" Zack stops short, as Ragdoll starts screaming to the ref about Zack trying to cheat him out of his title, or some such nonsense. The referee tries telling Ragdoll that the match is still going on and he had better let go of him, but Ragdoll won't. Zack starts going towards them, but CWM slides in from one side and DIVES at Zack...CRACKING HIM IN THE HEAD WITH A TIRE IRON, and rolling out the other side! CWM ducks down at ringside so he's not noticed, and with Zack down, Ragdoll comes running...STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS ONTO ZACK! Ragdoll hooks a leg, AND THE TIGHTS, as the referee makes the count. ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! Winner, and STILL OAOAST X Champion: Ragdoll "Deceptacon" starts up, as Ragdoll gets the hell out of the ring and goes to aid his recovering Ragettes. Everyone involved tonight has come out worse for wear, but probably none worse than Zack Malibu. Candie enters to check on Zack, who's forehead is even more busted open than earlier, as CWM simply walks by, looking in from ringside and laughing. MC:"Son of a...you know what this is about? He blames Zack for costing him the 24/7 Title, so he went and did the same damn thing tonight. He cost Zack Malibu the X Title!" Coach:"This rivalry runs deep, Michael. It's gone past the verbal abuse. When two men are costing each other a shot at glory, especially when it could mean a title shot down the line, you know that they don't care about anything anymore. This is a bitter, very personal rivalry!" MC:"One that is going to come to a head sooner or later, and I'm not even sure if I'd want to be in the building for it. It has been a hellacious night folks, and we are out of time. Until next Thursday, the only night of wrestling worth watching, I'm Michael Cole, speaking for the Coach, and signing off for the night!"

Coach:"Michael, what is with these IZ guys? First they manage to secure promo time on OUR show, probably making half the free world change the channel, and now they're popping up backstage too?" MC:"Well, given the relationship with Lauren and Jay, I can see it. If you remember, it was that way with Black Widow and Spider Poet. Mike Darring, however...WHO THE HELL IS HE? I mean, these IZ guys, they think they pose a threat to us? Isn't one of them named Dingus or something?" Coach:"I thought it was Beavis." MC:"Still, names aren't an issue. These guys don't know what they're getting into. We are the PREMIER roster in North America, hell THE WORLD today. Nevermind a brand split, one day someone is gonna get their head split!" Coach:"Michael, you sound so ANGRY. I bet your wife loves it when you're forceful." MC:"Don't go there, diddler." Coach:"You're right, I ain't going there. I'm going to my babygirl, CRYSTAL~!" MC:"You're leaving? Well, thank the..." Coach:"Nah, man. It's time for the great debate between our very own Female Phenom, and the OAOAST World Champion...a HOMEGROWN HeldDOWN~! talent if I may add, Calvin Szechstein." "THIS... is OAOAST." The voice of James Earl Jones brings us back to HeldDown, and we fade in gently on a darkened studio. There are three figures lit up: Calvin Szechstein, on one side of a table; opposite him, the vivacious form of Crystal, her hair neatly tucked back; and between them, the ever-too-calm form of Christopher Nowinski. A graphic fades in, reading "THEY SPEAK", and somebody in the production truck has a good laugh as the graphic fades out, and Christopher Nowinski begins to speak. CHRISTOPHER Hello, good fans of the OAOAST, and welcome to tonight's debate between Calvin Szechstein, OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, and the number one contender to that title, Crystal. Lady, gentleman, please make your introductions. CALVIN Hi, everybody, I'm Calvin Szechstein, OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. I'd like to take this time to thank McDonalds -- you know I'm lovin' it. I'd also like to thank my mother and father, for bringing me into this world. And finally, I'd like to thank Totally Endorsed, for helping me pave the way for a new generation of OAOAST superstars. CRYSTAL And I'm Crystal. You may refer to me as the next OAOAST Heavyweight Champion. Some 'ooooh's from the crowd at Crystal's cattiness, and Calvin grins at her. Nowinski never breaks his serious face, however, continuing to speak. CHRISTOPHER Harsh words from the #1 Contender. There have been several questions lately, directed at both Crystal and Calvin Szechstein. Calvin, we'll start with you. On IntenseZone, you spoke of a united OAOAST, rid of all of the Crystals, Zack Malibus, and Jay Darrings. My question is, do you think that your focus on heldDown and IntenseZone's friendly rivalry is effecting your mind heading into your World title defence against Crystal at World Without End? CALVIN Well, Christopher, I look at it this way. Every week I fight wrestlers, gender-undifferentiated. I fight men, I fight women, I fight midgets, I fight giants -- that, Chris, is what I do. How often, however, does one get the chance to take a group of people, men and women, and represent them, and lead them to glory? Not very often, Chris. And that's what I want, more than anything... my people here on heldDown, they're mine, and I want to see them succeed more than anything. Crystal... she's just another opponent. IntenseZone... IntenseZone is my chance to build a legacy. CHRISTOPHER Interesting words from the champion. Crystal, do you have a response? CRYSTAL Well, Chris, Calvin gets his chance to build a legacy by leading heldDown to victory over IntenseZone. I, however, don't have the luxury of being a born leader, or a born wrestler. I was born a woman, destined to be a model -- wrestling came later. And now, at World Without End, I have a chance to build a legacy of my own -- the first female OAOAST Champion. The person who ended the reign of Calvin Szechstein. These aren't necessarily the things that I covet -- what I covet is the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship. I don't care about breaking down barriers and I don't care about how evil Calvin Szechstein is -- all that I can focus on is getting that title off of his waist and around mine. CHRISTOPHER Interesting, very interesting... well, that's all the time we have for tonight. Tune in next week, when we have Howard Dean and Al Sharpton -- you won't want to miss that. Fade to black...

Back from commercial, the camera is focusing on a pair of smooth, shapely legs, and tilts up to reveal HeldDown's newest star, Lauren Gellar! The crowd POPS as they see here walking through the hallway, carrying her gym bag. Off camera, a hand SHOOTS out and stops her! A hand belonging to the "Professional" Mike Darring. MIKE: Hello Ms. Gellar. LAUREN (staring daggers at Mike): Why are you here? MIKE: I'm one of Calvin Szechstein's many many many sponsors, and I came to give him his monthly royalty check. Also, I knew you were debuting tonight, and I wanted to thank you. LAUREN: Thank me?! MIKE: You see honey, you deserted my dear, darling brother when he needed you the most, in pursuit of your selfish personal goals. He now knows that he no longer has any true friends in this company, and it's eating away at him. Thanks to you, he's almost at the breaking point, and it's now all the easier for me to take him out of his hellhole. LAUREN: Listen you arrogant, twisted little prick, I still love your brother, I'll ALWAYS be there to support him. Jay's a LOT stronger than you think he is, and I can't WAIT until he shuts you up and proves you wrong, just like he's done with everyone who's doubted him his entire life. MIKE (smirking): My my, such moxie and foolish optimism...you know, I don't know how a loser like my younger brother managed to snag a fine piece of tail like you, you're even better in person than in those photos on the Internet. (Mike starts to runs his finger's through Lauren's hair.) MIKE: So nice, you know honey, you may be a "rassler" but I can still overpower you with ease. What's to prevent me from having a little fun? LAUREN: (points behind Mike) That guy behind you. MIKE: What? Mike turns around, and gets DRILLED in the face with a steel chair! The camera swings around to reveal "SHOOTER" JAY DARRING! LAUREN: What took you so damn long? JAY: You know me, I like to make a dramatic entrance. LAUREN: Ugh. JAY: I've got this covered gorgeous, good luck with your match tonight, I'll be watching. LAUREN: Kick him in the balls for me! (Lauren leaves the frame as Jay kneels down, addressing his fallen brother.) JAY: You come in here, you disrespect my chosen profession, you try to kill my best friend, you try and force yourself on the girl I love? Huh? Mike, you think you can take whatever you want? World Without End, I get to take what I want from you, pints and pints of your blood. You're going to get taken to limits you never knew existed, feel pain in places you didn't know you had, and when it's all said and done, the Harsh Reality is you'll respect me and this business, because it will be *beaten* into you. (Jay steps on his brother's head, wipes his foot on it, and walks off, leaving "The Professional" a dazed heap on the floor.)

::The Following is a paid announcement of INTENSEzone:: HeldDown is managed by selfish men. HeldDown holds onto its titles without giving others a fair shake. In a business ran by greed, only IZ provides the fans with matches they want to see...not what they're forced to want by grubby bookers. FACT: In a meeting with OAOAST Officials just hours before School's Out, HeldDOWN managers including its producer Zack Malibu outright refused management's decision to put the belt on Stephen Joseph, thus creating the confusing finish many fans complained about. FACT: In order to stay fresh, HeldDown has improperly and negligently signed big-name talent that has raided OAOAST finances and caused shows like Aggression to be shut down. These big-names then left after being paid exorbinant prices per appearance. FACT: HeldDown has added titles that OAOAST Management refuses to recognize. Supporting HeldDown with your time and money supports men who care about their wallets, not your enjoyment. IZ -- Innovative. Less yackin', more whackin'. IntenseZone, Tuesday Night just got hotter The innovation has arrived!

*Cue "Get low"* Josh: To the windows!!! This here J.Math, the only mother fucker in the OAOAST who keeps his pimp hand so strong he could bench a rhino. And this here Josh's High five, takin you into the Mathillenium! Got ma dawg, Dj 2-day spinnin the dopest hip-hop beats. Holla at a playa, 2-day. 2-day: What's goin down witchya playa? Josh: Chillin and a lil bit of illin. You know sumthin? Dat mother fucker Coach put a hit on me! Ain't dat some shit? (The production crew plays a sound of a toilet flushing) Josh: Oh hell no! They didn't? 2-day: They did. Josh: Oh well. Guess it's time for J.Math's "Oh shit, that dude got fucked up" award. Dis here award go out to the crunkest mother fucker of them all who straight up put the hurt on some sad ass piece shit. This week we give the "Oh shit, that dude got fucked up" award to the OAOAST world champion for that crackadelic speech he gave to all mah dawgs on the heldizzle roster. Completely dropping the punk card at Intense Zone's door. Yo Cal, your Corona is in the mail dawg. Represizzle yo shizzle. 2-day: Yo! Is it time for our guest? Josh: Aw yeah! All mah bitches and all mah thugs raise yo glass for the one and only Alix Spezia! (Alix walks on stage. She hugs 2-day, high fives Josh and sits on the zebra print bean bag) Josh: Mmmmm damn girl. You look like that Kirsten Dunst chick when she played that Mary Jane slut in Spider Man, STUPID FLY! Alix: Thanks Josh, you're lookin kinda cute yourself. Josh: No dizoubt. J.Math straight rockin the Lakers throwback. Now, we gots to get to the five questions. So tell me Alix, what brought you back to Northstar's side? That boy straight up dissed you on national T-V. Why continue to associate with him? Alix: Ooooh, a soft ball question. Honestly, I felt bad for leaving him. I felt a little bit sorry for sucking up to Tim Moysey while Northstar was being treated like filth. And, Northstar kept calling me on the phone and leaving messages on my machine about how sorry he was and how he wanted me back. I mean my machine was getting full in like three hours! So, I just said 'fine we can go out!' Josh: Let's speak on the Acolytes of Northstar. Who are these people? And why do they follow Northstar around? Alix: Hollywood, Flameout, Silver Star and Ice Bucket make up the Acolytes of Northstar which are highest order of the larger Church of Northstar. They've dedicated their lives to the promoting and protecting the "values" of the church of Northstar. Hollywood, Silver Star and Ice Bucket all went to high school with Northstar. And, if you remember Flameout was the guy who helped Northstar attempt the murder of Tim Moysey. Josh: This church of Northstar, what the hell is it? Alix: What the hell isn't it? Josh: What the hell is it? Alix: Oh fine, I'll answer your stupid question. The Church of Northstar is responsible for taking the heat to the establishment. You can see the fruits of our labor with the diminished power of Tim Moysey. We feel that society and more specifically the OAOAST's fans continued acceptance of mediocrity is indirectly responsible for the fact that people like the Dream Machine and Crystal are vaunted members of society. As long as the OAOAST management thinks that the fan base will keep buying these awful PPVs, they'll keep sticking us with same boring, mundane cast of characters we've seen for years. We must prevent the non believers from spewing their uninformed bullshit and propaganda, unchallenged. We have to stop the non believers, the heathens from swaying those on the fringes. We're fighting to weed out the weak, the old, the ugly, and the untalented and bring in the young, the pretty and the gifted. We're creating a new beautiful world. A perfect world. Josh: Sounds cool. Northstar's a pretty big player in Hollywood. Any famous peeps part of the church of Northstar? Alix: Is the sky blue? Does the sun set in the west? Is Zack Malibu a raging homosexual? Of course famous people have joined. Or at least they've tried. Just yesterday, we had to reject Kelly Clarkson. She had a skin blemish on her neck and that simply won't do in the new world we're creating. Not at all. Josh: I know, I'm over the question limit but I've got to know. How do you even apply to the Church of Northstar Alix: Easy! Just go to the OAOAST website and fill out an application. Be sure to send us a picture of yourself. We'd like a video tape but we can do without one. Josh: DJ 2-day, we best be gettin on that Internet shizznit and get ourselves deep up in that Church of Northstar bitch! Yo, Alix, mad props to you for being our guest for tonight's show. Much love and respect to you. Alix: Right back atchya kiddo! (Alix walks off stage) Josh: Until next time! Keep it crunk! I'll holla at ya'll next week! *Cut back to Cole and Coach* Coach:"I really hate that kid. Even more than you, Michael." MC:"Since when do you hate me?" Coach:"I seen the way you look at Crystal." MC:"Coach, I'm married, remember?" Coach:"Since when is marriage the cure from promiscuity. It's cool though, I'm just playin'. I know you ain't go no shot." MC:"...right Coach, sure. Are you ready to call this match now?" Coach:"Bring it on!" "Higher" by Creed hits, signaling the arrival of Mad Matt. The challenger for the 24/7 champion is all business, not even acknowledging his cheering fans on his way to the ring. Cole: Can you smell that? Coach: I'll skip the obvious fart joke and just ask, 'smell what'? Cole: The smell of Matt's determination to win the 24/7 title tonight. Coach: I didn't know determination had a smell. Cole: It does and it smells like Mad Matt. *Cue "More to life by Stacie Orrico"* There's gotta be more to life... Than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me Cause the more that I'm... Tripping out thinking there must be more to life Well it's life, but I'm sure... there's gotta be more Than wanting more Announcer: Now making his way to the ring from Beverly Hills, California, being accompanied by Acolyte Hollywood, weighing in at 190 pounds, the reigning 24/7 champion, Northstar! Northstar's greeted with a chorus of jeers and taunts from the audience. Northstar pays no mind to the crowd's venom as he blows them kisses. He even gives his black cape to a child in the front row. Of course he throws it on top of him, so it covers the poor kids entire body. Well, it's the thought that counts. Northstar hits the ring and spits in Mad Matt's face. When Matt charges at Northstar the 24/7 champion hides behind Hollywood. Coach: Wow, that Hollywood sure is a looker. If that's the kind of the poon Northstar's got up in his tree house maybe I need to join the Church of Northstar. Usual lockup to start. Mad Matt tries to force Northstar the corner. Northstar gets the upper hand and shoves Matt to the canvas! Northstar starts to do the running man for your viewing pleasure! Coach: Look at that stud! Such rhythm, such grace, such excellent dancing ability! Did you know he was tutored by Gregory Hines when he a little boy? Matt goes for another lockup. He spins behind Northstar. He tries a sleeper hold but it's countered with a diamond cutter! Northstar uses his foot to roll Mad Matt outside of the ring. Hollywood puts the boots to Mad Matt, while Northstar uses his compact mirror to check his makeup. Crowd: We want Sminky! We Want Sminky! Northstar gracefully exits the ring and barks orders to Hollywood. On cue, Hollywood irish whips Mad Matt towards Northstar! Northstar drop toe holds Mad Matt onto the steel steps! THUD! Cole: Damn it! You could hear Matt's face crack against that cold steel. That's a three hundred pound step that Matt's face just made contact with! I thought Northstar was into pure wrestling, not this garbage brawling. Cole: Man, an irish whip into the steel steps is as about as common as an arm drag. Chill out. Back in the ring, Northstar's locked on the CHINLOCK! While still in the hold Matt manages to get to his feet. He tries to escape but Northstar locks on a sleeper hold and drags Matt down to the ground. Northstar rolls Mad Matt on top of him and hooks on a body scissors. Northstar's shoulders are on the mat causing the ref to count a pin. Northstar quickly breaks the hold! Northstar: What the fuck are you doing? Matt comes at Northstar a clothesline. Northstar side steps it and hits an exploder suplex! Northstar cups his hear and the crowd lets him know what they think about him. Crowd: Northstar sucks! Northstar sucks! Now on his feet, Matt unloads a barrage kicks to his rival's ribs. Northstar ends the assault with an eye rake. A battered Northstar leans against the ropes and begs for a time out. Enraged, Matt grabs Northstar's legs and yanks him off the ropes! Northstar crashes to the mat, back first! Cole: Mad Matt has a ton of a heart! He's a gritty blue collar guy who comes to work to every day and wears his heart on his sleeve. He doesn't have time for some prima Madonna scum like Northstar! Mad Matt hits rolling snap suplexes! Northstar flips out of the third suplex attempt. He tries a Rude Awakening but Matt counters with a neck breaker of his own! Matt hops to the top turnbuckle. He waits patiently for Northstar to get to his feet. Matt leaps off and assaults the 24/7 champion with a leaping TORNADO DDT! Cole: Matt's a gamer. He's come a long way since his debut match against the members of Black Label. I see big things in his future. Coach: I see a big cock in your mouth Mad Matt signals for a power bomb. Northstar hits a low blow. He lazily whips Matt into the corner. Matt jumps into the air, flips off the top turnbuckle and hits Northstar with an inverted DDT on the way down! Crowd: Matt! Matt! Matt! Cole: What a move! A moonsault into an inverted DDT. As J.Math would say, 'Holla!' Coach: Don't you start! Matt picks Northstar up. He goes for a pump handle slam. Northstar slips out! Northstar tries a full nelson suplex! Matt flips out! Running Enziguiri by Mad Matt! Northstar flips over and lands BUTT first on the canvas! Matt bounces off the ropes and smacks Northstar in the face with a basement drop kick! Hollywood jumps up on the apron. The referee tries to force her off, so she gives him the Mardi Gras special! Coach: Hot diggity damn! Woah mama! Daddy horny! Yowza! Cole: Behave! What would Crystal say if she saw you acting like this? Coach: Just because I liked the site of some other girls boobs doesn't mean my love for Crystal has died. She'd understand. With the ref still enamored by Hollywood, Matt foolishly attempts to pin Northstar. Northstar head butts him, making sure his googols smash into Matt's nose. Matt howls in pain! Northstar digs into his tights and pulls out a pair of brass knuckles. He puts them on and punches Matt in the face. Matt hits the ground hard. Northstar puts the brass knucks into Matt's tights! Cole: Hey ref! Pay attention! Northstar's showing a blatant disregard for good sportsman ship! Northstar heads to the top! He beats his chest and then flies off with a body splash! Mad Matt moves! Mad Matt moves! Oklahoma roll by Mad Matt! The ref can't count the pin because he's still busy with Hollywood! Crowd: Count the pin! Count the pin! Taking his cue from the crowd, the ref leaves Hollywood and makes the count; 1.......2.........3!!!!! Ring announcer: You're winner and new 24/7 champion....MAD MATT!!!! Cole: Do you believe in miracles, Coach? Mad Matt's done it! Mad Matt's done it!! He's finally won a singles title! God damn it, he's earned it! Coach, this is a kid with a heart the size of a beach ball. Matt goes from corner to corner and holds up his new title for the world to see. The crowd is on their feet chanting his name nearly drowning out the sound of his theme music that's blaring over the speakers. What Matt and most of the fans don't notice is that Alix Spezia has made her way to the ring. She's engaged in a heated discussion with the referee. Throughout her tantrum she points an accusatory finger at Mad Matt. Cole: Wait a second... There's Alix. What's she doing out here? This is Matt's moment not hers. Coach: She keeps pointing at Matt like he did something wrong. The referee yanks Matt off of the top turn buckle. A puzzled look appears on Matt's face as the crowd's excitement comes to a stand still Alix Spezia: They're in his costume! Ref: What's in your tights, kid? Matt: Nothing. Nothing, at all! Alix pushes the ref out of the way and digs into Matt's tights. Matt pushes her away but not before she pulls out the pair of brass knucks Northstar stashed earlier. Coach: He cheated! Cole: He didn't. Those are Northstar's. Remember? Northstar put them there. The referee snatches the title away from the dejected Matt. Alix snatches it from him and Northstar gets up and snatches it from her! He hightails out of the ring, not wanting to taste Mad Matt's wrath. Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, the referee has reversed his discussion. The winner as a result of a disqualification, and still 24/7 champion...NORTHSTAR! Northstar staggers to back, leaning on Hollywoo'd shoulder. Alix is at his side, lecturing her beau on how should be more grateful for her help. Coach: Tough break for Mad Matt. But, if you break the rules you run the risk of getting punished. That's what happened and that's the game of life Cole: What? Mad Matt didn't break any rules. It was all Northstar. Northstar's the one who cheated. Mad Matt pinned him fair and square. Coach: Hey, you keep talking like that and you'll never get into the Church of Northstar. Cole: What's the hell is the Church of Northstar Coach: What the hell isn't it?