Zack Malibu

(Ted Weddy, Gary Busey and J-Train BURST into Tim Moysey's office! Before Moysey can react, Weddy SLAMS him up against the wall and starts choking him!) TEDDY: WHAT'S DIS SHIIIT!? WHAT'S DIS BULLLLL-SHIT!? MOYSEY: *hack* Ted, what *blargh* are you talkin' about? *cough* TEDDY: I KEEP GETTIN' SCREWED LIKE A SAIGON WHORE SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE MOOOOYYYSEY! FUCKIN' AXHOLE OR WHATEVER GETS ON THE PAY-PER-VIEW AND NOT THE PRRRESIDENT?! YOU FUCKED ME OUT OF THE PAY-PER-VIEW LAST TIME TOO! YOU FUCKED ME OUT OF BEING IN THE 24-SSSSEEVEN BATTLE ROYAL TOO! MOYSEY: *garf* Ted, you were sniffing gas fumes *spew* in the boiler room *thwb* during the battle royal! (*THWACK* J-Train pimp slaps Tim Moysey.) J-TRAIN: SHOW SOME RESPECT! TED WEDDY IS THE REALLY REAL, YOU FEEL! A YOUNG SMOKEY JOE FRAZIER, A YOUNG CASSIUS CLAY! THE KING OF THE CON-CRETE JUN-GLE! BEEA! BEEA! TEDDY: Don' matta homeslice, my dreeeam of being 24-SSSSEVEN chamPION will come to FROOO-ition soon, you better believe that I'm gonna kick WHOREthstar's ass! BUT FOR NOW, MOOOYYYYSEY, YOU BETTER MAKE THIS UP TO ME, OR ELSE I'M GONNA MAKE YOU TOSS MY SALAD! MOYSEY: *burp* Don't worry Ted, *gasp* I'll figure something out. *fart* TEDDY: GOOD! (Ted drops Moysey as he collapses on the floor gasping for air.) GARY BUSEY: Hey Ted, wanna go cross-dress in Reno? TEDDY AND J-TRAIN! HELLLL YEAH! (The Odd Squad depart as Moysey gets up, still short of breath pulls himself back to his feet- and pukes.) Coach:"Tim's got a match later on, and these guys made him sick!" MC:"I think it's the thought of having to roll around the ring with Northstar." Coach:"I think it's the thought of having his best announcer kissed by a Tough Enough reject turned teen show sidekick." MC:"Hey, I didn't WANT him to." Coach:"Yeah, sure. You and your homoeroticism have NO PLACE on this show. NONE!" MC:"Done now?" Coach:(breathes deeply)"Yes". MC:"Good, because I'm sure what Axel has to say is more important that your hate crimes. Let's go to Axel in the back." *Axel is in the back sitting on a speaker box, with somewhat of a new sinister look, black face paint under his eyes, the normal full length Leather coat, black gloves, holding a black baseball bat, with the Revolution Trophy beside him* Axel: Welcome to my world. Last week was the greatest moment of my career. I pinned Calvin Szechstein, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, one on one, clean. You had better watch your back Calvin, because there are a lot of guys that want that belt on your shoulder. Tonight we see the Dream Machines versus Totally Endorsed. Calvin, Colvid, you attacked me last week after my match. The Dream Machines saved me from the attack, and I thank them. Parka, PK, I owe you guys one. To those who oppose me, There are nine gates between life and death, and I promise to send you beyond the Ninth Gate! I am powerful, I am immortal, I can do anything, I am cursed, I am the Darkness. No one should ever forget that. I will do anything possible to reach my goal of being the man around here, wearing that big gold belt around my waist. Tonight, it will happen. I have been guaranteed that it will happen by the keeper of my darkness. Those who have pushed in front of me will feel my wrath. I am the dark demon in OAOAST; I am the one who deserves a shot at the belt. And it will happen, I am assured of it. Tonight, I guarantee, that someone will feel the pain, taste the pain, and when its all said and done, I will make them like the damn pain. *Axels eyes roll up into the back of his head, he stands up and smashes the baseball bat into a wooden crate, leaving a big hole*, as we fade to black.*

Michael Cole is sitting at the announce table, while Coachman has been propped up in his chair, his head leaning back as he's still zonked out. MC:"Folks I assure you, his condition has nothing to do with the show tonight. It's great to see Zack back, but right now we're gonna head to the ring, as one of Calvin's new cohorts in Totally Endorsed, Sly Summers, takes on Crystal!" Coach:"Cry...Crys...CRYSTAL!" Coachman's head shoots forward, as he's suddenly awakened. MC:"I should have KNOWN that would do the trick. To think we almost had Josh come out and give you mouth to mouth." Coach:"You almost had Josh do WHAT?" ("All You Wanted" starts up, and out walks Sly, wearing a crimson-and-grey version of a suit shirt (suit drawn on a shirt. He doesn't bother dancing too much, but he's got the mic, and when he gets to the ring, he uses it.) SLY: Now, last week, "Part One" in my multi-episode mini-series, exploring the true drama behind when ungrateful women decide to rebel against the men whose seed are the reason why they can have babies. I promised I'd show all of you my new marketing plan to get those advertisers for the teenage boy demo to buy ad time, and I'm delivering! Mr. Production Guy, please put on the screen what I asked! (a pub photo of Crystal in her ring gear appears on the screen) Here's that evil wench Crystal....a totally bad person, but her hoo-ha's and her obtuse caboose apparently make my target demo tingly in naughty places, which means they'll watch our show to feel tingly, which means they'll see the ads from the people who buy time from us. However, I have a plan to get even MORE hornballs to tune in, which means MORE advertising money will come our way! Play the next slide! (Now the screen shows Crystal's face on the body of a woman wearing a bikini) Now, I apologize for the quality, as Photoshop kept messing up here, but, as you see, even I'm starting to....(covers up down below) get tingly, which means our target demo will watch more and more often if she dresses this way, which means EVEN MORE money will be paid by our target advertisers to get their products exposure. To recap, Crystal's "diamonds" get exposed more, our advertisers' products get exposed more. Their stuff gets exposed more, I...I mean, Totally Endorsed, rakes in more money...which leads me to tonight. See, our "esteemed" *coughRodBeldingLikeSleezebagcough* commish has decided to let Crystal get her BUTT get handed to her again by myself. Since I'm gonna get bored destroying her like Deering got bored destroying Muncie in the 2000 Indiana State High School Basketball Playoffs, but this being without the upset win due to cockiness, I've decided to have my lawyers add a stipulation. If I lose...and trust me, these shoulders that your girlfriend wants to rest her thighs on; they WON'T be pinned to the mat....I must wrestle Crystal AGAIN next week, but, disgracing myself and all of those people like me by wearing a Valley basketball jersey! And, yes, it WILL be one of those totally cool "throwbacks" all the kids in our demo seem to be wearing these days. But, WHEN I win, Crystal has to, from now on, wear something like the bikini get-up displayed, week in and week out! It's money! Now, Crystal, are you happy now? Get out here! ("Just a Girl" starts, and Crystal wastes no time by running to the ring!) She connects with a flurry of rights to the side of Sly's skull. She then whips him to the ropes, and connects with an impressive high dropkick. As Sly struggles to get up, Crystal goes to the ring apron. When he dizzily gets up, she springboards, and connects with an amazing hurricanrana, sending Sly to the outside. While she celebrates her destruction of Sly thus far, Josh Matthews attempts to sneak into the ring, and sneak-attack her. But, she turns around in time to nail him with a right cross, and clothesline him over the top rope, to the floor. While Crystal plays to the crowd, Sly pulls something out from the bottom of the ring. He then tosses something into the ring. It turns out to be an authentic smelly gym sock from Screech's locker! The referee is knocked out by the wretched odor. Crystal gets a whiff, but she simply plugs her nose. As Sly sneaks back into the ring, he slides a flat piece of board (or something) into the ring. He grabs it, but she tries to attack him from behind. Using his few and varied instincts, Sly swings behind his head, and breaks the board and glass over Crystal's skull. We get a good look at it....and yes, it is a commemorative poster of Artie....the STRONGEST MAN, in the WORLD~!, signed by the man himself. Sly sweeps the ring, and cradles Crystal up, as the referee turns around...1....2.....3! COACH: My goodness, that little bastard.... MC: Yeah, he had the AUDACITY to destroy a poster signed by ARTIE! I searched for years on eBay for that... COACH: Will you stop it? When Sly gets to his own senses, Josh crawls into the ring, and they parade around girlishly over Crystal's prone body. Sly then grabs the mic.... SLY: I'll tell you...(cough)...what, girly! Next week, if Josh is up for it (Josh nods), us two, versus you and some mystery dude. Knowing you, it'll end up being some jobber like that Pinski dude that replaced Michael on Salute Your Shorts. I'm doing this just so we can parade around our NEW hit in our key demographic. And you know what happens when we get a hit in our demo? JM: Chicken Pot Pie? SLY: No, man...though I could go for some right now. MONEY! And then...we could go to a water slide or something. Heck, I'm so confident that she's out for good, and her partner will suck, that...if me and Josh lose...I'll part ways with my sidekick here! JM: But, where will I go? SLY: Don't worry, dude. I got it all covered. I got enough fury from this be....be....be....THING, ruining my swank Artie...the STRONGEST MAN... (Josh joins in)...in the WORLD! poster to take her out 46,478.324, divided by 34, multiplied by 357, carry the 4...times. Now, Josh, let's go....TO THE MAX! MC: Did you hear that, Coach? COACH: Nah, I was listening to my walkman...Sly bought me a Bayside Glee Club CD for my birthday. (singy-songy voice)....It seems like only yesterday we started; but soon we'll put away our books and pens.... MC: And I'm the idiot in this team....?!?!? Anyway, next week, Sly "The Sly" Summers and Josh Matthews, our BROADCAST COLLEAGUE, will face Crystal, and whatever partner she can convince to team with her. Here's the catch: Sly and Josh lose; they split up forever. But, Crystal will definately be at a disadvantage, since she not only will have the obvious injuries she must have suffered from the picture shot tonight, but the costumes Sly will pick out for her will probably not be comfortable to work in, and chances are will affect her game. COACH: (singing while listening to CD)....Soon, Bayside, you'll just be a memory.... MC: Whatever. More after this.

Backstage, Calvin Szechstein, the OAOAST World Title draped over his shoulders, is pacing back and forth, chit-chatting on a cell phone. CS:"Why yes, I can hear you now. It's much too kind of you to send all of Totally Endorsed free cell phones. Now, as per the arrangement, we'll have cardboard cutouts of us in the windows of every Verizon Wireless in the US, as long as you remember to add on long distance fees at no extra charge. Being that we're going to see the world in style since I'm the aptly named World Champion, I..." Calvin turns around, and is face to face with the man he won the title from. After an absence last week, ZACK MALIBU is staring Calvin in the eyes, and the crowd, seeing this scene on the AngleTron, pops HUGE. Calvin does a fearful gulp that Vince McMahon would envy. Candie is at Zack's side. ZM:"Hey, Calvin." CS:"Mr. Malibu, how are you, my friend?" Calvin, with false sincerity, extends a hand to Zack. Zack looks down, and quickly looks back up. He knows better than to take his eyes off of Calvin. CS:"OK, Zachary. Get it out of your system. What do you want." ZM:"You know what I want." CS:"Oh...(pats title belt)...this, right? Get in line, pal. They come at you from all directions when you have this thing. I mean I've got guys on IZ, this kid Axel beat me in a non-title match last week, you know being a fighting champion is TOUGH. But you'd know all about that, wouldn't you, Zack? There's just one difference. I don't let it get to me. I don't let my emotions get involved with my workrate. You wear your heart on your sleeve, pandering to the fans, the suits, and whatever bimbo decides to surgically attach herself to your arm on a given day." Calvin leers at Candie, who scowls back at her former employer. ZM:"Calvin, you've got a big mouth, and an even bigger ego, moreso since you got one over on me. I haven't made any excuses, hell I had to take a week off because you tried to hang me at AngleSlam. You showed no remorse. You showed that when dealing with you there could be no limits. Chalk it up to experience. It's not going to happen again." CS:"Indeed it's not, Zack. Not for a while, at least that's the way I see it." ZM:"What was that?" CS:"Zack, have you gone back and watched our match from AngleSlam? That match was like a metaphor for your entire OAOAST career! Everytime you're near the top of the ladder, you CHOKE." Zack starts fuming. Candie keeps him from losing his cool, telling Zack "this is what he wants". CS:"And I'm what you want, babe. Don't deny it. As for you, Malibu, you had your run. Mr. Company Savior, Mr. Ultimate Good Guy, Mr. Hero, that era is over. It's time for Armani suits to be worn, for aged champagne to flow freely. Calvin Szechstein has rejuvenated this company. You, on the other hand, need to climb the ladder all over again, and we know how good you are at that, now, don't we?" Calvin snidely smirks, then turns away, ignoring Zack and Candie and talking on his cell phone. The camera pans in on Zack, with Candie looking up at him, as we cut to commercial.

I'll be posting hD~! now gang, but I dunno if I can make the chat. I'm sick as a dog and have been laying down all night. I think once HeldDOWN's up I'm just gonna hit the sack.

I'll be Jermaine.

Written by myself and Jay Doring, it's the first time I've had something on the main site. Let me know what you guys thought.

Love my way.

Good thinking Tim.

I don't know what was so bad about 9/11/00, considering 9/11/01 was the unfortunate tragedy.

Whores have nothing to do with love.

Beat ya to it, Quote Fucker Upper!

In the name of love, before you break my heart.

Don't say you love me, you don't even know me.

Love to love you baby.

I'll have my pics with Jimmy Rave and Chris Sabin up tonight.

Love Gun.

Love bites.

Love is a battlefield.

That's all you care about!? ::cries::

A lightbulb just went off over my head. Somehow, Sandie and lightbulbs just go hand in hand.

I have the original NES and a perfectly functioning updated version (the aforementioned rare one from the first post).

11/29. Request it off now.

Judging by the subject title I thought this was going to be about a 4 Non Blondes/Black Eyed Peas collaboration. ::ponders if anyone will get that::

It wasn't all Joe's fault though. It was that great an outing for everyone. Average match, but nothing special. My bias had nothing to do with it, nothing at all. Though one funny thing did happen... I took a pic of Joe coming out with the belt, and for whatever reason, the belt came out in the pic, but Joe himself didn't. And I was RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM. His charisma must have destoyed my camera! ::runs::

I wasn't around most of the weekend (due to the BEST CONCERT EVER and an ROH show the following night), so here is the better late than never thread for what to expect on HeldDOWN~! this week. As far as I know, I'm posting the show so send segments to me.