Zack Malibu

Cole: Why is there trash all over the place? Coach: Let's go to the Fink and find out! Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen it is time for the much delayed OAOAST 24/7 title battle royal! The crowd claps politely Announcer: The rules for this match are as follows; Once a competitor gets a pinfall he must makes his way back to the waiting Snapple taxi cab (cab is shown on screen) and exit the arena. However on his way back to the Snapple taxi cab he can be assaulted and pinned by any one who wants to win the illustrious 24/7 title. With that in mind lets meet the competitors. *Cue "Satan" Cole: Uh Oh! Announcer: Now making his way to the ring from Hollywood Florida, weighing in at Two hundred and Twenty-five pounds....HEX MACHINA! *Cue "Satan" one more time* Coach: Jeez, someone fire this production guy. I just heard this song! Who is he, Carson Daly? Cole: SNAP! Announcer: Now making his way to the ring....NAZ MISTRY! Coach: Look at his CWM must die T-shirt. Very well sown and excellent fabric detail. *Cue "Mindless Pawns" * Cole: It's time rock in! Coach: That's rock out! Rock out! Announcer: Now making his way to the ring, from Yokohama, Japan, weighing in at Two hundred ten pounds, Mongoose FOSHI!!!! Crowd: Foshi! Foshi! Foshi! *Cue "Stupid Girl" * Cole: What the...? Please tell me it's not who I think it is. Oh lord have mercy on me if it's Choko! Announcer: Making her return to the OAOAST....Choko! *Cue "Cult of Personality" * Announcer: Now making his way to the ring, from Cleveland, Ohio weighing in at a lot of pounds....COLVID! *Cue random production music* Announcer: Uh.....uh......hmm......ladies and gentlemen making their, um, triumphant return to the OAOAST, members of the original In Crowd, the Mean Street Posse, JOEY ABS, RODNEY AND PETE GAS! Before their music can be played, Rando and Zero charge down the entrance ramp and attack the Posse! Coach: Don't even ask, Cole. Cole: Ask about what? Coach: Ask if all of these tag team partners are going to team up and try to win the belt together. It's not possible. It's not a tag team belt, it's a singles title and one man can win it. Cole: I know that. Every man for himself and all that jazz. Colvid yanks a trash can full of modems from under the ring. He throws a CNET internal modem at Zero and an AOL Broadxent modem at Foshi. Hex clocks Colvid in the back with a clock to end the modem assault. Pin attempt by Hex 1....2....broken up by Rodney. Hex and Rodney brawl, while Zero and Colvid exchange toaster shots. Rando hits Foshi and Pete with a MOONSAULT FROM THE TOP TO THE OUTSIDE. Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Zero DDTs Colvid onto a lava lamp causing lava liquid to fly into the crowd. Joey and Rodney fuck Hex up with a double powerbomb. Joey turns his back to celebrate and gets drilled in the head with the Stanley Cup by Rodney! Pin attempt 1...2....3!! Cole: Rodney's got to make it to the Snapple taxi cab! Hurry up Rodney and run. Naz throws Rodney into the ring. Rodney tries to scramble out but a series of right hands to the jaw by Naz end the escape attempt. Naz pounds on Rodney, Colvid attempts to light Rando on fire, and Choko pile drives Pete onto a toy fire truck. Pin attempt by Choko....what the fuck is she doing!? Go pin Rodney, dip shit! Crowd: Foshi! Foshi Foshi! Rodney hits a flapjack on Naz but gets super kicked by Colvid. Pin attempt 1...2....kick out! Colvid goes to the top. Rodney catches him with a spine buster on the way down. Rodney gets caught with a German suplex by Foshi! Pin attempt 1...2....3! Cole: Now, Foshi has to make it to the Snapple taxi cab! Coach: What's Snapple? Foshi encounters stiff resistance by Zero. Joey drops a brick on Pete's head, ending his portion of the match! Rando tosses Naz into the crowd and heads straight for Foshi. Hex has Colvid tied up in the corner Coach: Hex is choking Colvid to death! Colvid breaks free of the hold and elbows Hex in the jaw. Foshi fights off Zero and Rando, and trudges up the ramp. Abs blasts the back of his knees with a kendo stick and rolls him back to the ring. Pin attempt 1...2....kickout. Choko catches Abs in a one armed sleeper hold and proceeds to shave his head! Naz and Hex double team Rodney with a double suplex while Foshi crawls out of the ring. Cole: Does any one notice Foshi is getting away? Coach: I think Colvid does. He's heading over to cut him off! Colvid grabs Foshi by neck and tries to chokeslam him onto the steel ramp. At the last minute Foshi hits Colvid in the nose with the 24/7 title! Foshi's not in the clear yet! Rando blindsides him with a case of Vanilla Pepsi! Cole: Hey that's mine! Zero marches up the ramp and tells Rando he deserves the pin. Rando slaps Zero and the two start whaling on each other! Back in the ring, Hex is drawing a grotesque amount of blood from Choko by raking the hair clippers across her forehead. Rodney gorilla presses Naz to the outside and throws him back into the crowd! Cole: Rodney's headed to where the action and the title is! Hex grabs some anal beads and launches them full force at Rodney! Rod crashes to the ground and smacks the side of his head against the steel ramp! Hex charges into the gang that's beating on Foshi and cleans house with series of right hands!! Without surveying the carnage, Hex runs to the back! Coach: Where's he going? What a weirdo! Crowd: Booooooo! Colvid looks up just in time to see Hex driving the fucking GOLF CART that's ramming into his face! Hex throws a beer at Colvid and then runs over Rodney! Twice! Hex backs up the ramp and rams the bumper into Zero's face! Abs makes a blind charge for Hex! He speeds up and hits Abs, sending him flying into the air and onto Rodney! Hex heads towards the back. As he makes his way up the ramp Zero uses the last of the strength to throw the beer can at Hex! Hex tumbles out of the cart and watches in horror as it topples onto Rando! Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Cole: Oh my god! That cart just fell onto Rando. We need a doctor! Lots of doctors! An emergency room full of doctors! Now! Somebody get them out here! Coach: Has anyone seen Foshi? The camera switches to a shot of Foshi crawling to the Snapple cab. When he finally makes it to the door someone decides to step on his head. Voice: Hush little baby. Just hush. This will be over soon. Just roll over and let daddy pin you. The camera pans out to show the vicious and psychotic, Northstar. Cole: What's he doing here? Where the hell is security? He just tried to kill Tim Moysey but now he gets a free pass into the building? Gimme a break! Northstar uses his foot to roll Foshi onto his back. Pin attempt 1...2....3. Northstar slides into the cab. We can see him take a sip from a refreshing Snapple ice tea as the cab drives into the night. Announcer: Your winner and new 24/7 champion......NORTHSTAR! Crowd: Bulllllshit! Bulllllshit! Coach:"Are you kidding me!? He wasn't even in the match...was he?" MC:"24/7 Rules, Coach. Anything goes, and it everything went! Shattered...Smink...NORTHSTAR just got the hell out of dodge with the 24/7 Title!" Coach:"Tim is NOT going to be happy about this." MC:"Not many people are. Look at the trash in the ring." Coach:"That was there before the match started." MC:"I don't think Big Gulp cups were part of the arsenal." Coach:"Says you." MC:"Well, it's been another wild and hectic HeldDOWN~!. For Michael Cole, I'm...what now? We still have another segment? Well we've only got a minute and 13 seconds left, lets go to whoever!"

"Calvin!" We return from break to see Colvid opening the door to the Totally Endorsed locker room. We pan out to see Calvin, sitting on a chair, hunched over with his hands folded, looking down. He turns his head sideways, looking at Colvid. "You're late." "I know, man, sorry, my luggage got lost." "You're terrible at excuses." "You're fucking cranky today, what's the problem? Malibu? Yeah, that shit you were talking earlier, fucking freaky, but it was cool, I dug." "Calm down for a second, Colvid. We need to discuss." "Discuss what?" "Well, me and you, we're pretty much it for Totally Endorsed." "No kidding." "So, between the two of us, we've got to do a lot of work to regain the status we once had." "Uh-huh." "I've got Zack Malibu, man... before the night is up, the venom in my veins for that little son of a bitch will be enough to make him want to tear himself apart in anger." "Nice analogy." "But you... I want you to get up, man, and I want you to win some gold. Right now." "Right now?" "Right fucking now." "All right, boss... tonight, I can just picture it. 24/7 champion... no... the Dr. Pepper 24/7 Champion... Colvid." Colvid punches Calvin playfully on the shoulder. "And after that we're going to go win the tag titles, right? And then I'll win the X Title, then I'll go to IZ and win the North American title..." Colvid stops for a moment. "Has the OAOAST ever had a quadruple champion?" "I'm sure you'll be the first, Colvid. Maybe even quintuple... but you've gotta start tonight, man." "Don't worry, Calvin. That 24/7 belt is as good as mine." Colvid hops out of the room, leaving Calvin all alone once more. He smiles grimly. "The 24/7 belt is his... and soon, there's going to be another one that's mine." Cut back to the announce team. Coach:"Waitaminute...ANOTHER challenge?" MC:"But who? Could he mean Ragdoll too? I mean, I've heard about having a bullseye painted on you, but sheesh..." Coach:"Michael...what if...what if Calvin jumped ship? You know, found more endorsements from IZ sponsors? A Calvin/Jay Doring match would blow the roof off!" MC:"Well aren't we a conspiracy theorist tonight. You ready though?" Coach:"24/7 baby. I'm down for it!" MC:"Let's do it!"

MC:"Can you...did we...she's nuts!" Coach:"I know that. You know that. But does she realize it!?" MC:"You think that's bad...Ragdoll's got MORE on his plate." Coach:"What!?" MC:"Watch and learn, grasshopper." We cut to Mad Matt in a room with tables, ladders, and chairs lying about. Mad Matt also holds up a replica of the X Division Title. Mad Matt:"This title belt looks nice doesn't it. Unfortunely I won't settle for anything else then the real thing. Ragdoll unfortunely is the lucky person with the real thing. He is only X Division Champion because I allowed it. I am allowing it no longer at Angleslam." Mad Matt pauses and picks up a chair. Mad Matt slams it across a table before continueing. Mad Matt:"Vengeance tastes sweet. I remember the night of June 19th, 2003 well. Oh yes I remember it very well. The night I nearly got my skull broken like an eggshell at the hands of Ragdoll. Eggshells. That reminds me. When I get my hands on Ragdoll and you better believe it will be soon. No less than 10 days in fact, this is what is going to happen." Mad Matt picks up a carton of eggs that was lying under one of the tables. Mad Matt sets one egg on the table. Mad Matt then raises a chair and smashes the egg with it. Mad Matt now with another shot. the egg is totally cracked and smashed into hundreds of tiny pieces. Mad Matt:"To review Ragdoll. This is your head before a match with Mad Matt (holds up a fresh egg). This is your head after a match with Mad Matt(points to the mess on the table). You may say I'm insane. Crazy. Mad even. To those people I say:"Duh." Ragdoll brought this upon himself. " Mad Matt paces around the room. Mad Matt:"So let get to the point. Angleslam. I want my shot at the X Division Title. I just don't want any match. I want the match to be Tables, Ladders, and Chairs. I will first batter you with chairs. Then I will use tables. and then I will climb the Ladder and grab the X Division Title. I have a contract. It is already signed. All you have to do is sign it and the match is on. Also in this contract, I put a stipulation that if I lose, there will be NO rematches for me. I want no excuses. Either I win the title or I don't win the title. All I need is your John Hancock. So do you feel lucky Ragdoll? We will find that out soon." *Fade Out*

MC:"Well, I didn't expect that! Zack Malibu has been asked to be Peter Cone's best man!" Coach:"Man, I hope he asks me to be an usher or something. That way I can get bizzy with the bridesmaids!" MC:"You saw American Wedding, didn't you?" Coach:"...yes..." MC:"Well, drop the comedy, because right now, we're gonna take it to something more serious. As you know, back at License To Pin a match between brothers Ragdoll and K Money ended with Money losing his title, and his career, to his brother. Ragdoll took the win a bit too far, and has fed his ego incredibly, leaving his brother not only defeated, but heartbroken. Here tonight to talk to us is K Money's valet and girlfriend, Josie." (Scene Fades from commercial to a dressing room. We see NOVA~~ sitting on a plus chair) NOVA Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back to HeldDown…tonight, I have a very special guest. Tonight, I talk to Josie Reynolds, the fiancée of K-Money. Josie, welcome… (Camera pans over to a large couch. Josie is shown sitting, causing the fans to erupt. A large "K-MO-NEY" chant starts up, causing Josie to smile slightly) JOSIE Thank you for having me, Nova… NOVA Josie, two weeks ago, your fiancée, K-Money…Ken Baker…had his career cut short by his own brother, Ragdoll…may we take a look at a clip? (Josie sighs deeply) JOSIE I would really rather we didn't, please…It's too hard to think about, let alone watch… (NOVA smiles awkwardly and nods) NOVA All right…Josie, you recently built up the strength to leave Ken's bed-side to come here and talk to me and the fans…how is K-Money doing? JOSIE Well…he's not doing very good at all, actually…Ken suffered a severely broken nose, a cut eye thanks to the Show Stopper onto the barbed wire, uh…two concussions…numerous cuts in his forehead and temple…and he lost a lot of blood. The doctors also say that the numerous headbutts, Devil Dolls, and chairshots he took had so much force, that it is a miracle he is still alive… (The tears in her eyes are now clearly visible) JOSIE …but mainly, and I don't mean to sound corny…but Ken's main pain is in his heart…he can't believe that Austin did the things he did…he blames himself, Josh…he says that he was never there for Austin… (Josie can't hold the tears back anymore, and she begins to cry. Josh puts his hand on her back, trying to console her. Suddenly Josie raises her head. Her makeup is smeared from the tears) JOSIE …Next week…I want retribution…I want Ragdoll… (the fans erupt as Josh looks at Josie, his eyes wide) JOSIE I want Ragdoll…in that ring…I can't take laying beside Ken anymore and feeling like I should have done something…I am going to do something… (Josie runs her hand through her dark brown hair and looks around) JOSIE …but I know that I cannot do it…I know that Ragdoll is a psycho…I know that he won't hesitate to break me…that is why I am asking anyone that cares to face Ragdoll at AngleSlam…I don't care who it is…I will be in their corner, and the sum of $500,000 dollars will be paid, win or lose, to whoever faces him…I want to watch Ragdoll suffer…I want whoever it is that takes this challenge to break Ragdoll in half! I want Ragdoll's head on a fucking stake for what he did to my fiancée! I…Want…Ragdoll's…Blood! (Suddenly, Josie stands up and walks off, leaving Nova with a shocked look on his face)

Cue: Imaginary The music hits and the crowd POPS~! as BLACK WIDOW makes her televised RETURN to HELDDOWN~! after the past few months' events! She comes down to the ring, looking as beautiful as ever but, somehow, even more striking tonight. She climbs the steps and goes in through the ropes carefully, instead of her usual way of sliding in under the bottom rope. Widow hits the corner and plays to the crowd as they cheer for her. After a moment, she climbs back down and takes a microphone from an official outside as her music dies down. WIDOW Wow! (crowd cheers) I wasn't expecting that! Thank you, truly. I've been out of the loop for a while now, so I wanted to come out here and let everyone know what's going on. COACH We've missed you, Widow! WIDOW After Goblin, after the trauma of being drugged so terribly, I need the time off. Peter (crowd POPS!) . . . Peter and I took some time and grew closer. We're getting married, of course, this weekend. Be sure to tune into next week's IZ and HD for some footage from the ceremony. All of this has just put things into perspective for me. I'm retiring, as of now. COACH NO! COLE Wow! Does Bard know? This is terrible! WIDOW (Shakes head as the crowd buzzes from the news) I'm sorry, to my fans. But I want to say something: Crystal is the future of this company's efforts towards the Women's division. Crystal, you and I have taken each other to the limit, kiddo. And I want you to know that, for what it's worth. I'm proud. And I'd like for you to be my Maid of Honor. (Crowd POPS!) (Widow grins) Let me know backstage, kid. Right now . . . somebody else has something to say. POWER OF THE POET~! Cue: Believe in Angels (at the chrous) The stage explodes as PETER "SPIDER-BARD" CONE EMERGES FROM THE BACK! THE CROWD GOES NUTZ~! Cone makes his way down to the ring, posing and playing to the crowd with a big grin on his face. He slides in the ring and jumps to his feet right at Widow's side, pulling her close and kissing her as the crowd pops again. As his music dies down, he takes the mic that Widow hands him and looks around as the arena continues to cheer. CONE Let's get to the point, eh? I'm out here to ask a favor of one man. There's one man that I trust to stand at my side at the altar. One man to serve at my side as I join with this beautiful woman forever. One . . . Best Man . . . (crowd buzzes) . . . ZACK MALIBU! Zack, no need to come out now, just let me know later on or announce it yourself, man. The soon-to-be-missus and I are about to head out. Come one, honey . . . (Peter pulls Widow in close, throws a hand up, and the ring explodes in pyro! When it does down, he's dressed in the SPIDER-BARD costume, and a thin, white "webline" is running from his gloved wrist to the rafters above. He pulls her in close and the two go flying upward along the line for their exit as the crowd cheers)

(We see Josh and Sly re-entering The Max, with Josh wearing the Sharkey's shirt that Tony gave him. They quickly run back to their girls.) Samantha: Finally...hey, Josh, where'd you get that shirt from? JM: Uh...uh....uh.... SS: He accidentally pointed upward in the bathroom, if you know what I mean, and he needed another shirt. JM: Yeah, I guess.... SS: Hey, Josh, wanna go up to order at the window? JM: There's an order window? SS: (whispers) There was in the early episodes! (They excuse themselves, but when they go to the door, it swings open, and Wendy & Cindy enter, as Sly & Josh fall on their asses.) W&C: What are you doing here?!?! (Samantha & Josie get up from their booth, and over to the door.) S&J: Who are YOU?!?!? W&C: We're their dates! S&J: So are we....wait, those pigs set us up! You're gonna die! Wendy: Yeah, they are. Big Brother?!?!? (Teddy Weddy, J-Train, & Gary Busey enter, looking mad.) SS: Wait, so he...and you....and you're Wendy Weddy?!?!? Teddy: Yeah, she is! You just messed with the wrong guy's little sister, dude! J-Train: Beya-beya! (Teddy tries punching Sly, who's standing now, but he misses, and nails a Bayside student, who goes through the jukebox. Max comes out to see what's going on.) Max: Great! Now yet another thing Bayside's going to put on my back taxes that'll cause me to lose this place! SS: Wait, you're losing The Max? Max: 'Fraid so. Bayside says we're not pulling in enough money anymore, so they're going to shut the place down if we don't come up with $5,000 by the end of August. SS: Time out! (Everyone but Sly freezes, spotlight put on him) If The Max gets shut down, that means no more cool hangout for Bayside kids. But if Teddy gets ahold of me, he'll hang me out the window! Wait, I got an idea! Time in! (Lights come back, people moving again) I got an idea, Max! We got a Pay-Per-View, AngleSlam, coming up. If Teddy can wait until then, we'll do something I'd like to call The Max Invitational, where I'll have our wrestlers, and other guys, pay to fight here. Plus, I got some buddies in high places who can get me some top-dollar sponsors, who can pay the rest of your taxes, and whatever damages we do during the fight! How about it, guys? Teddy: I guess I can wait until then, if it's for such a worthy cause. How about you guys? (Busey stares at the arcade screens in awed silence) J-Train: Beya-Beya! Teddy: We're in. Max: Sounds like quite the plan! I like it. SS: Just do me a favor. Max: Anything you want. SS: Help me disappear! Max: You got it! (Max does a magic trick to make Sly & Josh disappear. Busey gets scared and jumps on top of the arcade machines, J-Train starts "bustin' caps" with a ketchup bottle, and Teddy tries calling Colin Powell to "get these terrorists" gone.) Back at the arena, Cole and Coach are speechless. MC:"That was...different." Coach:"He does the magic tricks...you know you get tricked once, you get tricked twice. I got the largest di..." MC:"WE'LL BE BACK~!"

We cut backstage, where Crystal is once again watching the action on the backstage monitor. One of the ring crew guys barges into the room with flowers and candies.... Crystal: What in the hell is this?!?!?!? RCG: Uh....(looks at card on flowers) These are, like, totally from your secret admirer dude! (Hands them to Crystal) And he has this thing (pulls out note) that he wants me to totally read to you! Dear....whoa! Crystal: (Crystal shoves him out of the room with one of her crutches, but he drops the letter. She sits down, and reads the letter silently) That was sort of sweet.....(Guy pops his head back in the door) RCG: Where's my tip, dudette? (She slams the door on his head) OWWWW! Not gnarly! Crystal: (camera closes in on her, almost smiling while reading the letter)....what? Get out! NOW! (Cameraman runs out of the room, Cut back to announcers.) MC:"Oh Coach, this is SO you doing this." Coach:"I'm telling you, it's not...and when I find out who it is...grrrrr..." MC:"Turning green, Coach?" Coach:"Yeah, you could say that. I'll Hulk out on his ass." MC:"No, I meant your jealous." Coach:"That too." MC:"You think you're a superhero now? Oh this is priceless." Coach:"Can we just cut over to Sly." MC:"Sure. Doof." (Sly & Josh enter Sharkey's together, and sit at the reserved table, where they meet Wendy and Cindy, their dates.) SS: Josh, this is your date Cindy. Now.... (Just then, their waiter, ex-California Dreams band member Tony Wicks, comes over to take their order.) SS: Dude...Josh, do you know who that is? JM: Aren't you from USA High?...(Sly smacks Josh in the back of the head.) SS: No, you dumb-BUTT. That's Tony Wicks, drummer for my favorite band ever, the California Dreams! What are you doing back here? Tony: After college, I couldn't find any acting jobs, so I came back here to make a living until my agent gets me a job. Here's his card. Now, what do you guys want to drink? SS: (asks girls) We'll all four have sodas. (Tony takes the order and walks away). (Reading card)...Sly Winkle Talent Agency. So I guess Pacific University didn't work out for him. JM: You mean, P.U.? (the girls and Josh laugh, Sly looks at him weird) (Wicks comes back with the drinks, but accidentally spills one all over the table) Tony: I'm REALLY sorry....(sees Josh's Max shirt that he left on the floor, thinks it's a rag)...I'll get it. (rubs away) Hey, you can use my shirt (give Josh his Sharkey's uniform shirt) as an exchange. JM: Geez, thanks, man! SS: Hey, Josh, let's go to the bathroom! JM: But I don't need... (Sly yanks him out of his seat, and way from the table, where they then crawl out the door. As they leave, the girls see that the shirt is from The Max, and Wendy goes to the pay phone for some reason. HeldDOWN~! heads for the commercial on this cliffhanger. Tune in for the climax when we come back!)

All eyes are on the ring when we come back. Sans introductions, Caboose and Stephen Joseph are standing at the opposite edges of the ring with TIm Moysey in the center, standing near a chair at a head of a oaken table in the middle of the ring. Two chairs are on the ends, obsentibly for the two men. MC:"Fans, welcome back. When we were on break, Stephen Joseph, whom we know is now relegated to a strict IZ contract, appeared in the ring. After refusing to leave amicably, he was granted a word to explain himself to Tim Moysey. Apparently, we're going to get a Sopranos style "sitdown", right now, between Stephen and his longtime rival, Caboose!" All three have microphones, but it is Tim who speaks first. Tim: Guys, sit down, now...We're here to make this official, and that's the ONLY reason you're allowed on HeldDown Stephen....and you too Caboose Caboose: C'mon, get this over with... Stephen: Gladly ::Stephen, without sitting, grabs the contract from his side and signs it with a pen laid down on that end of the table. He tosses the clipboard at Caboose, who signs it as well.:: Tim: Now that's taken care of...leave. ::Stephen begins to walk towards the ring ropes, sliding in between the top and mid ropes. The crowd groans and cheers when Caboose races from the other side, leaps over the table, and connects with Stephen's back with a thunderous battering right hand, stopping Stephen and laying him on the ropes. Caboose: ::into mic:: Not Yet! ::Caboose pulls Stephen up and tries to pick him up...:: Tim: NO! Caboose: Fuck you ::Caboose lifts...but Stephen reverses the momentum, headbutting Caboose, and Caboose spins around in pain. Almost by instinct, Stephen Joseph claspes in a frontal choking full-nelson, and snaps Caboose up, flipping his legs to be underneath Stephen's armpits, Caboose's head near Stephen's kneecaps... and Stephen SITS DOWN...Synchronicity V3!!:: ::Stephen, dazed, looks around as he lies on the mat, then almost as a gleeful idea crosses his mind, he rolls over to cover caboose, stephen's back on caboose's chest, one arm hooking the left leg, and the other slaps the mat 1! 2! 3! Stephen holds it for a moment, then just slides out of the ring. Cole: Well, there's retribution for you. Caboose sneaked an attack on Stephen Joseph on iZ and had the ref count three. And NO ONE has ever kicked out of the Emerald Fusion. Coach: But Stephen has answered back on HeldDown, counting his own pinfall on Caboose after the Synchronicity V3, a move that NO ONE has kicked out of Cole! Cole: Which one of these two men will still have a career after AngleSlam? Coach:Will EITHER of them?

HeldDOWN~! returns, to...a black screen? For the second time in as many weeks, ominous music plays over, as words scroll up the screen... Time passes on… Time flows endlessly… Time continues itself… The time you have… With those you care… Love it… Make the day yours… Make the night yours… Make the world yours… The time is there… Care for love ones… Embrace it… Your time will come… Your time will pass… Your time is nigh... The time will end… They will know… Cherish it… Life flourishes for you… Life blooms for you… Life crumbles for you… The time is now… Take your love… Show it… It will begin… It will grow… It will fade… The time has come… You will know… Feel it… *Cut back to Cole and Coach* MC:"Well, that was...different." Coach:"The song, the words, Northstar...what?" MC:"All of it! I mean, we've had Dark Goblins, violent midgets...what ELSE is HeldDOWN~! in for?" Coach:"Only time will tell, MC baby. Only time will tell." MC:"Well, I do know what we're in for now at least. Last week, HeldDOWN~! became home to the World Tag Team Champions, as Parka and PK, the Dream Machines, defeated Stephen Joseph and Edward Robins right here! Without further adieu, lets take you now to the champs!" (The Dream Machines are seen standing backstage with stand-in announcer NOVA~! Guess that OVW thing didn't pan out. Eddy stands behind them as Nova begins to interview Parka and PK.) NOVA I’m here with the current Tag Team Champions the Dream Machines and what I want to ask you two is how do you feel? PARKA We feel great. How else would we feel? We’ve finally made it after all the hard work and pain. We are now the top team in The OAOAST. NOVA I understand that this Monday on Intense Zone you will be defending those titles against Featured Attraction. How do you feel about this match? PK We welcome the challenge. Featured Attraction is a great team and we feel that they deserve the first shot. NOVA Parka there are rumors going around that your back has not been at 100%. Are these rumors true? PARKA I have been having some trouble with my back, but that’s not going to stop me from competing. Why do you feel the need to flaunt our weaknesses for everyone to hear? NOVA I was just trying to find out if the rumors were true. I’m sorry if I caused trouble. PK It’s no big deal. Parka has assured me that he’s ready to go and I believe him. Now get out of here we have stuff to talk about. (Nova walks away as The Dream Machines walk a few feet away from the camera and talk quietly amongst themselves. Parka looks somewhat worried as he points to his back and says something that can’t be heard. Finally the camera shuts off.)

Cole: Hey Coach Coach: Hey Michael put a record on I want to dance with my baby Cole: Speaking of record. Last week we received a record television rating for heldDOWN! 7.48! Special thanks to all of our fans for watching. We couldn't do it without you! Coach: To celebrate there was a special party at the heldDOWN restaurant in Miami Florida. Let's take a look at some of the footage! (The screen is suddenly filled with "snow". The picture becomes clearer but is still quite murky when Sminky Applebaum is shown standing on the roof of a warehouse located next to the arena) Sminky: Cole and Coachman, I'm sorry to ruin your exercise in corporate ass kissing, but any one who continues to watch this filth deserves to be shot in the face and properly skull fucked for their crimes against humanity. That's the only way we can weed out the week among us. Cole: What's going on? What do you want Sminky? Sminky: Nothing from you, chimp. I simply felt that you might be interested in watching the gruesome, unfortunate but highly necessary death of your beloved General Manager, Tim Moysey. (The camera pans out to show Tim Moysey being held over the roof by his shirt. He's crying profusely and begging the tall, muscular man who's holding him not to drop him. Sminky walks over to Moysey and the camera follows) Sminky: Tim you've already met the strapping young lad who literally holds your life in his hands. But people at home meet Flameout. Let's just call him my physical assistant for the night, eh. Moysey: Sminky don't do this, man! Don't! Sminky: Don't do what? Don't avenge the sins that have been committed against me? Don't try to regain my lost glory? Tell me, Tammy, how else should I reclaim what was so wrongly stripped from me? Moysey: Thats...that's...what I'm trying to help you do! I let you take off your mask! Sminky: Ooooooh how generous of you! Your place in heaven has been sealed and your angel wings are in the mail. However, I find it interesting that you fail to mention that you were the one who put me in the fucking mask in the first place!! Moysey: But I offered you to get your name back! Please stop this! Sminky: "Please stop this. Please stop that!" You stole my name from me you sniveling little snot! You stuck me with a name I can't even fucking spell! From now on you can call me Northstar. A moniker that will be etched into your mind as you plummet to the ground! Moysey: Sminky, no! Northstar: There's that name again, mon ami. There's that name again. Moysey: Northstar. I'm sorry. Northstar: Not as sorry as your going to be. Pieces of concrete stuck into your rib cage. Your jaw where your right ear used to be. Closed casket funeral for sure. Fortunately, you'll be dead so you won't have to see the pain in your mother's eyes as she identifies your broken body. (Northstar lights a ciggarette) Moysey: Stop this. Northstar: I'm beginning to think that your one of those dolls that when you pull a string in their back they talk. Sadly, they say the same damn sentence over and over again. Much like you. And much like those dolls you grow boring quickly. Very quickly. Do you have anything new to say or shall I have Flameout release his grasp on your thirteen dollar k-mart bought shirt? Moysey: I'm sorry Northstar! Please listen I didn't mean to make you so mad! I thought I was trying to help you! Northstar: I'd like to believe you, I really fucking would. But desperate people say desperate things. I'm sure if I had confronted you in your office you would've done nothing more but have security remove me and book me in a handicap match. Am I correct? Moysey: ...yes Northstar: Finally some honesty! Finally some fucking honesty! Moysey: Please.... I have a family. Northstar: "I have a family? I have family?" God damn, I've got you staring death in the face and all you can tell me is that you have a family? Pathetic, man. I don't care about the half wits and crack babies that make up your brethren. All I want is an explanation. An explanation of why you chose me to be your pet project might grant you a stay of execution Moysey: I wanted to help you! I wanted to see you grow! The only way I could get your attention was to threaten you! I did it for you. Flameout: Don't believe that shit. Northstar: Oh, I don't believe it Flameout. Not at all. Tim, lies make baby Jesus cry and they also make Flameout loosen his grip. What's the real reason behind your cruel public humiliation of me? Moysey: What are you talking about?! Northstar: Moysey, my friend, in your greatest hour of embarrassment I'm giving you the chance to come clean! I'm giving you the chance to tell the truth in front of millions world wide! Moysey: I just did! Northstar: Incorrect. The truth is this whole public humiliation was a scheme to drive a wedge between me an Alix. Moysey: No! Northstar: Yes. You were jealous of the relationship I had with Alix. You wanted her more than I did. So you plotted against me and then leapt at the opportunity that presented itself when I lost my world title match. Is that correct? Moysey:.... Flameout: Answer! Northstar: Calm down. His silence is his admission. Flameout, pull him back up. Flameout: But? Northstar: My orders are not open to debate! (Flameout pulls Moysey back up and tosses him onto the concrete flooring of the roof!) Northstar: I'm tired and you've grown to be a profound irritation. In all honesty I had no intention of killing you. At least not today. I simply wished for you to get a taste of the pain you have caused me. It was also an immense pleasure proving to the fan base that even the strongest most self righteous person will cowers in fear when presented with a madman hell bent on homicide. (Northstar and Flameout begin to walk away) Moysey: Wait! North: No thank you. Be grateful that I've shown you mercy. Next time you come near my girlfriend they'll be digging your body out of the ocean. Aurevoir, babe ! *Commercial*

(We return to the show, and to Josh and Sly meeting while entering the doors to The Max.) SS: You know what to do: say hello, order drinks, and then bail to the bathroom. JM: OK, I got it. SS: Good, let's go. (They walk to their reserved table, where the girls are already waiting. But, not before Sly sees that they're selling Max t-shirts, and buys one for himself and one for Josh.) SS: Josh, this is Samantha. Josie, I'm sure you already know me...(Sly scoots closer to his date as Max, Max owner/waiter/magician, comes over.) Max: So, what can I get you? JM: Uh....uh....Excuse me, I gotta go! (Sly excuses himself too to go chase after Josh, who runs right outside the door.) SS: Hey, hey, hey, WHAT is going on here?!?!?! JM: I dunno, I just really nervous, between being that close to a girl, and having to remember what you said, and.... SS: Don't worry, dude. Try playing it cooler at Sharkey's. Let's go. (They leave, cut back to the arena.) Coach:"Damn man, Josh gets all the breaks." MC:"See, and you said you didn't like Sly." Coach:"Eh, that guy ain't my style. I ain't no bebopping teen queen. I'm a true playa for real." MC:"Are you for real?" Coach:"That's what I said, homey." MC:"Oh lord. And now from one end of the spectrum to the other, as we now take you to Ted Weddy and his Odd Squad." Coach:"Busey was great in Black Sheep." [ Fade in] ** Ted Weddy, Gary Busey, and J-Train are seen spotted at a local rave party and doing everything under the sun. ** Ted: (Stoned off his ass and talking to a raver) "What the fuck is your problem Probius? Now drop and give me ten bitch, and toss my salad! (Noticing the camera on him) Welll heeellllloooo fellow Ammmeeeeerriccccannnnsss, this is once again Preeeesssiiiiident Teddy! I am at a looooocal raaaveee party and doin' shit." J-Train: "BEEEAAA BEEEAAA BEEEAAA, GET ME SOME OF THEM JELLO SHOTS BITCH TEDDA." Ted: (Turns to J-Train) "No Train... I'm macking with my hoe Pussy-Willow and doing freeeaaakkkkky things with glow sticks." J-Train: "SHUT THE SUCK UP TEDDA AND LET'S FIND MY BLOOD MY BLOOD BUSSAAA." Ted: "MY FLESH MY FLESH!" J-Train: "AAAAHHHH TEDDA, SUCK MY BAAALLLSSSSAAAA!" Ted: "OK." ** J-Train and Ted walk out of the rave to find Busey ** ** Busey is found with ADAM DE LA PENA~!, UFO MAN~!, AND BIG FOOT MAN~! Ted: (Looking for Busey) "BUUUUSSSSEEY, WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU BUUSSSEEEEY." J-Train: "MOTHAFUCK TEDDA, HE IS RIGHT HEREAAA!" Ted: (Sarcastic voice) "IIIIIIII knoooooow." Adam: "Waz up my peeps?" Ted: "I love you Adam, I love the way you macked out with that wiiiiiicccckkkkkeeeedddd hooooottttt chick!" Adam: "Thanks Ted, you are a phenomenon and I am one of your biggest fans and root for you in every OAOAST HeldDown~! episode." Ted: "Thanks foo." Busey: (Watching UFO MAN~! and BIG FOOT MAN~! debate) "Damn man, this is some awesome shit." J-Train: "BUSSAAA...TEDDDAA...WE GONNA THROWS THEM FISTS UP TOONIIGHT BIATCHES!" Ted: "Yeeeeeaaaahhhhh, the baaaattttlllleeee royal is gonna kick some saaaaaaalad tossing ass! I am gonna win and pin some shit mothafuckkkkkkaaaasss! I love myself~!!!!!" Busey: "Ted, calm down and think reasonably." Ted: "OK, let's buy some whiskey." Adam: "I'm buying" Ted: "Nice!" [Fade Out]

Coach:"Seems like Josh made a new friend, Cole. Jealous?" MC:"Josh and I aren't tight." Coach:"Oh c'mon, you guys are like 2/3 of Three Count. (Sings) You like the Backstreet Boys, N'Sync too..." MC:(Sings)"...Coachman's ass is gonna meet my shoe." Coach:"That...that was good improv." SABOTAGE by the Beastie Boys blast over the speakers and AXEL makes his way to the ring to cheers. Coach:"What a career this youngster has forged for himself as of late." MC:"I tend to agree with you. Axel's been seen in tag action as of late, with both Crystal and Mad Matt. Now tonight, he's seeded in the first round of the Revolution Tournament. The HeldDOWN~! brand is featuring three matches in the first round, and we saw Ted Weddy pick up a win last week to advance. The winner of tonights match will then meet the winner of Rando and Zero, who have to fight each other next week, as well as Weddy i a Three Way dance!" Coach:"And then they go onto face the IZ winner for the Revolution Trophy." MC:"You got it." Coach:"Who says I don't know what I'm talking about." MC:"Everyone." SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT hits and the crowd goes BANANA! CWM walks down to the ring with INTENSITY! MC:"Impressive upstart or not, I don't know how Axel could want to stand across the ring from THIS guy lately." Coach:"Damn right. Dude called me "Hex" the other day. I mean, I ain't nothing like that cat. I gots STYLE, Mikey!" MC:"So did Kris Kross at the time." CWM and Axel meet toe to toe in the ring for a staredown of IMPENDING DOOM~! CWM laughs in Axel's face and turns his back to him as if to say "take your best shot". Axel spins CWM around angerly and slaps him hard in the face. CWM responds with a slap of his own and it's ON! Coach:"That's one way to get it going!" MC:"That's one way to get killed!" CWM and Axel are pummeling eachother with a barrage of chops that are leaving their chests red and their ears ringing. CWM gets the upper hand with a knee to the gut and whips Axel into the ropes, CWM ducks down for the backflip but Axel Summersaults over him and chopblocks CWM's leg! Axel grabs CWM's injured leg without a monent's hesitation and starts wrenching on it. Axel goes for the Figure Four but CWM rolls him up into a small package 1 2 NO MC:"Quick thinking by CWM!" Axel gets free and kips up and hits CWM with a textbook armdrag before going back to the leg. Axel is wrestling with determination and not letting up on CWM at all. Axel locks CWM in the figure four this time and it's dead in the middle of the ring. Coach:"Early focus on the leg, good planning by Axel." CWM is yelling and cussing in agony but he refuses to give up, with a great effort he reverses the figure four and Axel is forced to break it. MC:"CWM reverses, and Axel breaks before the pressure is put on himself!" Axel is to his feet first and goes for a DDT but CWM blocks. Axel goes to the knee again and then goes for the ddt and hits it. Axel covers but doesn't hook the leg. 1 2 NO, CWM got his shoulder up. MC:"Another kickout!" Axel lifts CWM up and goes fora powerbomb BUT YOU CAN'T POWERBOMB KIDM...CWM! CWM blocks it and hits a facebuster. Coach:"Shades of Torrie Wilson's Husband~!" CWM picks a stunned Axel up and whips him into the corner...LUMBERJACK SPLASH! The ring moved from that impact! CWM hits the CONSPIRACYBOMB! 1 2 3NO!!!!! MC:"HE KICKED OUT! AXEL KICKED OUT OF CWM'S CONSPIRACY BOMB~!" Axel kicked out!! CWM can't believe it! He's livid! CWM picks Axel up and tries to whip him into the turnbuckle again but Axel reverses and CWM collides with the referee. REF BUMP! Coach:"No good can come of that." Both men are down and out. All of a sudden Hex Machina pops out from under the ring and slides into the ring. He picks CWM up and hits the REBOOT! Coach:"SEE! SEE, I TOLD YOU!" Hex puts the still out Axel on top of CWM and wakes up the ref before hightailing it back to the dressing room. 1 2 3! Axel wins! Winner and advancer in the tournement: AXEL! MC:"I'm in shock! First off, I'm happy for Axel...but Hex Machina has got a DEATH WISH now!" Coach:"CWM is not gonna be happy about this. All the Canadian Beer in the world couldn't keep him from being pissed off." MC:"Speaking of beer, we've got Commercial Sign in 5...4...3...2..." *fade out*

(We cut to Josh Matthews, prepping for an interview, when Sly walks by, and grabs his attention.) JM: Hey, man, heard you weren't on tonight's show. SS: Dude, I AM the show! Listen, word on the beach is that you've been down on your luck with the ladies. So, since you're my number one fan and all (Josh grins and shrugs his shoulders), I figure, I might as well help a brother out. So, I talked to some people, and I got you the night off too. Then, I sent word out to some lovely ladies in the area that we're available for a double-date tonight. I'm going to support you completely. This isn't some "I'm gonna cheat on Michelle" thing, because it isn't....(looks into camera)I still love ya, baby! Anyway...(phone rings, Sly pulls large grey cell phone out of his back pocket) Hello....yeah, uh huh, ok....8:00 at Sharkey's sound ok? OK, great, bye! JM: Wait, I was gonna tell you that I got us a double-date at 8:00 at The Max! SS: Oh, man! Think, think, think.....I got it! You ever see that episode of the Flinstones where Barney and Fred have to be at Pebble's birthday party AND the Water Buffalos' meeting at the same time? JM: Yeah, and I saw the Boy Meets World episode that ripped off its plot! SS: Awesome. All we have to do is go back and forth between The Max and Sharkey's, but don't leave any evidence from either place behind. JM: That's brilliant! SS: Listen, just go get spiffied up, and I'll meet you at The Max in a bit. (They both walk seperate ways, and fade to black...)

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! The "Blame East Coast Power Outages and TSM Being Down For This Show Being Late" Edition~! Finally, our hosts for the night are ready. Take it away... COLE N' COACH~! MC:"Whazzup folks, welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I'm Michael Cole, sitting alongside the man whom some feel is responsible for today's power outages, Jonathan Coachman." Coach:"What? Me?" MC:"Yeah, you. Where are we tonight, Coach?" Coach:"Boston, MA." MC:"Where were many of the power outages today?" Coach:"East Coast. What does this have to do with me? You're really stretching the blame here, MC." MC:"I don't think so. You don't realize how much porn you download off the internet, do you?" *Coach blushes, and pulls Michael towards him.* Coach:"Not on the air, OK." MC:"I'll spare you this time. But we REALLY gotta talk about this habit of yours." Coach:"Later." *The two break away from their private chat.* MC:"By the way, those Crystal pictures are fakes anyways." Coach:"For the love of God, Cole, SHUT UP!" MC:"Hey, Coach-Bashing equals ratings. We should string you up like a pinata and let the roster beat on you for two hours, Mr. Blackout." Coach:"It wasn't my fault!" MC:"Eh heh. I hope the RIAA gets you for downloading those songs too, you evil bastard." Coach:"Oh now, please. Who the hell cares about Corey Hart, Billy Ocean or El Debarge anymore?" MC:"You mean besides yourself?" Coach:"Can we stick to the format, please?" MC:"Sure. Fans, as you saw, Calvin Szechstein did not come out on the better end of that Ladder Match last week, as Zack Malibu retained his independence by reaching up and getting Calvin's contract, tearing it up and ramming it down his throat. I've gotten word, however, that Calvin has more to say on this matter, and will do so tonight." Coach:"Also tonight...it's been brewing for a few weeks, but finally, a new 24/7 Champion will be crowned! My girl Crystal went down...with...oh man." MC:"What? Why are you stammering?" Coach:"I just used 'Crystal went down' in a sentence. I'm getting all hot over here." MC:"Oh for God's Sakes man, get a grip! Fans...let's take you away from this madness, and send you to Josh Matthews in the back."

Nosawa? The same Nosawa as XPW? I thought he was a hardcore guy, more or less. I have heard of him working SoCal and such, but is he "X material"?

How about El Debarge-Who's Johnny (from Short Circuit) and Rythym of the Night.

Reel Big Fish-Sell Out and their cover of Take On Me.

Naz "stole this gimmick from a leper". I win.

CWM: why do that when Allison does it for me? CWM, buddy. Pal. Alison LEFT ZACK A MONTH AGO.

...oh? Well no worries. I've got Zack Malibu (in essense our Triple H), so I'm deserving of a push when Choko and Slacks get back. ...if they get back. Waitaminute...how am I Triple H? I help elevate!

Mafia's not a gimmick, it's a way of life.

Nevermind.

I'm putting a hit on Deranged Hermit. And did my tagline rule, or what?

That's Freedom Mafia to you.

I dig this one, maybe because of the Italian colors and I'm (duh) Italian.