Zack Malibu

OK guys, let's start a pool as to how long it takes him to get blocked!

Pssh, it'll take more than that to tear us apart! I mean, uh...HEY LOOK LEENA'S NEKKID!

You know, in all the time I've known you, I haven't talked to you on AIM once. Then again, I don't use it as much as I used to these days anyways.

He looks like he just read a Johnson post. OH TAG~!

we're both weird then, I'm the same way. Liar, you're never on AIM.

Friends with benefits, guys. C'mon, you knew that!

Well, it's not like there was much discussion going on anyways.

Backstage, interviewer extraordinaire, and admitted metrosexual JOSH MATTHEWS~! is standing idly by, waiting for his next interview assignment, as various backstage personnel scurry past and do their various tasks for this live episode of HeldDOWN~! JOSH (to cameraman) So whaddya think, Marty? Hit up catering before the pre-match interview? MARTY Sounds good to me. Although from what I hear, you might wanna stay away from the roast beef. That stuff'll slide right through ya. JOSH It's probably how COD stays so skinny. But I kid, come...wait...Marty? MARTY Yeah? JOSH Why the hell are you filming this? MARTY Well ya know, I figure take some candid video footage and compile it one day, make a nice little documentary about the OAOAST. JOSH And somehow me talking about catering is going to make the cut? MARTY Well, uh... JOSH You haven't thought this through yet, have you? MARTY Not, uh...not really. JOSH I see, well... "Hey, Matthews! Over here." JOSH Oh...um, OK! Marty, c'mon, this could be good. The camera wobbles as Marty scurries behind Josh Matthews, who has headed over to ZACK MALIBU, and immediately shoves a mic in his face. Malibu slowly lowers Josh's hand (and the mic) so that it's not jabbing him in the chin. MALIBU Jeez, ten seconds later and already you're waving this thing in my face. Give me a minute to prep myself. Malibu, clad in jeans, a studded belt, and a PANIC! At The Disco t-shirt, cracks his neck and clears his throat, while Josh and Marty wait on him. MALIBU OK, I'm good. You ready. JOSH Ready. MALIBU OK. So...ready? JOSH Ready. MALIBU ...soooooo? JOSH What? MALIBU You're Josh Matthews... JOSH Yes. Zack slaps his head, while Marty's chuckling can be heard. JOSH Oh...OH! OK wait, let's start this again. Marty, are you ready? MALIBU Oh forget it, give me the mic! Irate, Zack swipes the mic and pushes Matthews off screen, taking the interview into his own hands. MALIBU Ladies and gentlemen, fans of the OAOAST, it is at this time I would like to extend my deepest apologies to Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard, the tag team known as the New, New Midnight Express. It seems last week in all the focus being placed on The Upstarts, that I seemingly blew off their upcoming challenge for the World Tag Team Titles, and for that, I'm sorry. The New, New Midnight Express are one of the top tag teams in wrestling today, and are a definite threat...although the only thing Jim Cornette appears to be a threat to is a buffet table and good fashion sense. Still, his cunning and scheming has led the NNMX this far, and they'll soon get the rematch they've lusted after, much like how Ned lusts after women who can't speak English, since he can't understand when they reject him, and thus he goes home feeling good about himself despite the fact he's been told to "drown in a bag of cat cheese". See, it's like this, NNMX... Malibu's sly grin morphs into a grim scowl, and his eyes arch as they stare dead into the camera. MALIBU ...the Zack that cracks jokes and gets under the skin of his opponents? The Zack who slaps hands and kisses babies? You're not getting him. He's gone. He's dead and buried, covered in the blood from a Peter Knight beltshot. Soaked in the betrayal of a man called Axel. The Zack Malibu you're getting is a machine, hellbent...some say hellbound...but hellbent on the destruction of those that seek to destroy him. Simon and Ned, while this may not concern you directly, the fact is that you've picked the wrong time to come after something that's mine. You were in a fight before everything went down these past two weeks, and now? Now you're in for the fight of your life, and you have The Upstarts to thank for that. When I step into that ring and look across towards your corner, I won't just see you. I'll see Axel. I'll see Peter Knight. Scotty Static. Johnny Jax. Christian Wright. Bohemoth. Jamie O'Hara...EVERY GOD DAMN PERSON THAT LUSTS FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF THIS COMPANY AND LONGS TO BEAR WITNESS TO THE END OF MY CAREER. Zack breathes heavily, but pauses, as he's growing increasingly angered with every syllable. MALIBU I apologize to you, New, New Midnight Express, for not acknowledging you when I should have. I'd also like to apologize in advance for what is to come, because you two have to look forward to becoming casulties of war. See you soon. With that, Zack throws the mic back to Josh Matthews and storms off, leaving Josh wild-eyed and shocked, as the cameras cut from backstage back out to the arena.

-Sting will be appearing at the tapings, although he's not scheduled to wrestle -Hiroshi Tanashi is scheduled to wrestle at the tapings -The main event for the next PPV, unless things have changed in the last 24 hours, will be Jeff Jarrett defending the NWA World Title against Christian Cage Credit: WO

You're half correct here. Charlie Haas is his real name, but for a while after Russ died he changed his name to R.C. Haas (for Russ/Charlie, obviously) in his honor.

CWM is the new Heel Turn!

Oh lord, it still haunts us. Anyways... Leena's been around TSM for years now, amidst various flamewars and bans. It's not like she's a female gimmick account.

That works, since it'll egg on the whole "Zack's ANGRY~!" deal.

I was batting around the idea of having Axel tell Zack that's he's got to make it up to the NNMX face to face, but it's a trap that puts me in a two on one NHB match, and Axel bans Rodez from coming out or else he loses his spot in the Rumble and we get stripped of the tag belts. It furthers the tag angle, and it softens me up for the "bounty during the Rumble" angle.

Of course you're not worried. White bitches fear you!

I could see Christian win it, and then offer Sting a shot for coming back to tag with him against JJ and Brown. Then JJ screws Sting somehow to cost him that match, and we get JJ vs. Sting at the PPV after that, and maybe Christian defending against Abyss?

Todd Cortez.

Five point questions: 1) The winner of the 2006 Royal Rumble will be:Rey Mysterio 2) Who will be the "Ironman" of the 2006 Royal Rumble? Bobby Lashley 3) Who will last the shortest amount of time in the ring? Snitsky 4) Who will get the most eliminations? (If there is a tie, you get your points): Lashley 5) Who will be the last man eliminated? Randy Orton 6) Will the winner be from Smackdown or Raw? Smackdown Three point questions...pick the man who will be in the Royal Rumble the LATEST (not who lasts the longest) out of the two choices below: 7) Gregory Helms or Orlando Jordan 8) JBL or Shawn Michaels 9) Matt Hardy or Shelton Benjamin 10) Bobby Lashley or Kane 11) Chris Benoit or HHH 12) Chavo Guerrero or Rey Mysterio 13) Rob Van Dam or The Boogeyman 14) Randy Orton or Booker T 15) Chris Masters or Carlito 16) Johnny Nitro or Joey Mercury One point questions: 17) Who will draw #'s 1-4? (One point for each correct person) Shawn Michaels, Chris Masters, Joey Mercury, Matt Hardy 18) Who will be the last four men in the ring? (One point for each correct person) Rey Mysterio, Randy Orton, John Cena, Triple H 19) Who will be the last RAW superstar eliminated? Cena 20) Who will be the last Smackdown superstar eliminated? Orton 21) Who will draw #'s 27-30 (One point for each correct person) Orton, Benjamin, Triple H, Big Show 22) True or False: We will see a Boogeyman/Undertaker showdown No 23) True or False: We will see a surprise return sometime during the Rumble Yes 24) True or False: Somebody in the Rumble match will blade Yes 25) True or False: Vince McMahon will interfere in the Rumble No TIEBREAKER QUESTION: Give the exact time this year's Rumble match will last: 72:10

Feedback attack from the Zack Attack~! -Nice opening bit with Axel doing a good job of tying everything together and cementing this as the official Upstarts unit. While the reasoning had a little too much "backstage" blame put on the shoulders of Zack and Black T, that's merely constructive criticism, although it is the m.o. of the Upstarts to blame impossible things on the Originals. -Hell, I didn't even know Hoff would be on HeldDOWN~! until a PM the night before! -Betrayal has always been something I've used to push the Zack character "over the edge", as it's been done in the past in my feuds with Popick and Evenflow, amongst others. Still, with him having been on the fringe of sanity during his "stressful" heel run, I opted to make him less of a "bouncing babyface" and more of a human, showing that the stress of this war is eating away at him. Hope it came off well. -Rick Martel on our TV? It's no worse than Tatanka coming back to RAW, lol. Foshi's done a good job handling the Rikjin character in recent weeks, as Rikjin was originally created by me to be an recurring character, but not a permanent one. Still, nice squash that has furthered the tension in this uneasy partnership. -Good bit with PRL playing ungrateful heel, making excuses as to why a former ally is not on his level. -I don't know why, but I thought of the movie Varsity Blues during Alf's promo. It seemed like a total "coach's motivational speech", and I don't mean Jonathan Coachman. -Kudos to KC for holding continuity steady in his promo, as well as making me TITTER over the NNMX parody spot. -Nice, quick match from Alf. The ending reminded me of the Shawn Michaels/Shelton Benjamin interaction a few weeks back. -Is it odd that I'd actually pay to see someone ride an ostrich to the ring? Also, dig those insider references, kids! -Great to see Ragdoll back. Any addition to the ranks is always welcome, but it's the returns of old faces and established characters that make me happy. We've had COD, Foshi, and Rags all return recently...what's next? Kotz? You see, those wrinkles on your forehead aren't the product of natural aging. No. It's the result of you falling flat on your face every time you fall off the wagon, Duncan -Forget falling off the wagon, I almost fell out of my chair reading this. Good shit all around. -CCZZHHHTREHEHHH!? For a minute, I thought Czech changed his username and invaded our show. Silly Popick. Nothing will ever beat the time Dames went through a table and said "owwww" on a live OAOAST broadcast though. Cute finish to the albeit brief match, too. -Truthfully, I wanted to do a promo going back and forth on the mic with both PK and Axel, so I did my best in the solo style. Probably not my best promo, but if it did the job and you all got the gist of it, then go me! heh. -I'd say Ned sucked me dry, but that would imply that he actually managed to get me wet in the first place. LINE OF THE YEAR. Also, the Stevie Wonder references made me smile. Patty knows why. OMG INSIDE JOKE! -Nice little promo by Popick there, capturing our past tensions. -annnnnnnnnnd the main event, which was done by moi. Although I didn't know it'd have been the main event, or I might have made it longer and a little more competitive. Blonde and Faqu, for those of you who are new (or just forgot) were two of our OAOAST Saturday Night jobbers that I came up with almost four (FOUR!) years ago. They resurfaced several times in recent years, once to be crushed by Damaramu, once as a retooled tag team helping out General Manager Josie, and now what you see before you. -The ending bit with Hoff and Tony/Black T was good, although wouldn't it have been better for him to have been escorted out earlier in the show? He didn't miss much, lol. That said, great segment. -OMG INTRIGUE~! to end the show. Good effort. Looks like things are shaping up well for the year 2006.

Also, "Beverly Hills" by Weezer for The Usual Suspects

ZACK PROMO-AGE, 2 of 2 COLE Welcome back fans to another installment of the OAOAST's Thursday Night Tradition. Already on HeldDOWN~! tonight we've... "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" COACH What are they...HEY! HEY! What's he doing out here? The camera pulls away from Sofa Central, and focuses in on the figure coming down the ramp. An irate Zack Malibu has made his way out to the arena to the surprise of many, and he immediately rounds the ring and takes the mic from Michael Buffer. Zack blows past Sofa Central, giving the evil eye to Coach before climbing up into the ring, amidst cheers from the masses. COACH Did you see the look he just gave me? Does he know who I am? CABOOSE I'm pretty sure that's why he gave it to you. You should be thankful you got off with just a look. In the ring, Zack paces for a moment, and holds his hand up to quell the ruckus from the crowd, as the world knows he has a lot to get off his chest. MALIBU You all know why I'm out here, everyone in the back knows why I'm out here, so I'm cutting right to the chase. Axel, Peter Knight, get your asses out here RIGHT NOW! The crowd roars, and all eyes are on the entranceway, but nothing. MALIBU No, don't bother getting psyched up people, see, they're not coming out here. Why would they? They're not going to strike when I know it's coming, oh no. No, they have to pick their spot. Well, kudos go out to both of you, because you truly had me last week. For months, we've been wondering who it's been, but nobody could figure it out. The revolving door of "leading men" so to speak kep throwing us off course, until you were finally able to get what you wanted, Axel. You managed to pull off a major power play, and inserted yourself into the GM position, and then let the cat out of the bag. Pretty crafty. And Peter, Peter Knight. A man that I tried to took under my wing and tried to light a fire under his ass, only to have my blood spilt on this canvas as his thanks. Congratulations, you two, you've both gotten what you've wanted. Malibu pauses, taking a deep breath. COLE This is...I mean, he's giving them CREDIT for all of the actions of The Upstarts, and for their treason last week? CABOOSE Let him finish. MALIBU Well, you two may have what you want, but let me tell you something. Now you've also got to deal with something you DON'T want, and he's standing here in the ring. COACH HA! Oh please, he had his ass handed to him last week! MALIBU You think I'm a pushover? You think that the shots you got in last week were enough to put me to rest? Then let me tell you two something. For MONTHS, I have done everything in my power to stand up to this revolution. I have sacrificed my body, I have teamed with a man who broke my girlfriend's neck...I have done it all, not for myself, but for this COMPANY. The same company that you're trying to eliminate, and start painting on a blank canvas with. The thing is, your power comes in NAME ONLY, Axel. You think this company strives on a General Manger position, or on the man holding the World Title? Both very important to the foundation of the company, but it doesn't end there. This company runs on HEART and SOUL. On blood, sweat, and tears, all of which have been spilt to provide a home for some of the best talent in the world. Do you think that this grand scheme is going to be enough? I'm not the only one you've pissed off, but I know I'm your main target. Go ahead, tell me otherwise. Tell me I'm making this "all about me" again, but from DAY ONE, it's always been about me? Why? Not because I'm a former World Champion. Not because I'm the poster boy of this company. It's because I'M THE ONE WHO WILL NOT LET IT DIE. When Anglesault vanished into thin air, who was the torch passed to? ME! And do you know why? Because that man, hate him or love him, knew that I had it in me to do what was best for this place. When that man, Caboose, right there, was forced out of here against his will, and became jaded to wrestling in general, who was it who brought him back? Who opened his eyes to show him he was a force, an integral part of the machine, that will always be needed? ME! You see, your "victory" is going to be bittersweet, gentlemen, because history has proven that I'm at my best when my back is against the wall. So I'm not daring you, I'm ASKING YOU, to do your worst. Beat me down. Bloody me. Break my bones. Piss on me like you did to the OAOAST banner. Do whatever you think you need to do to get rid of me once and for all, because once you do, I'm going to come back. Again, and again, stronger and stronger every single time. In fact, come out here right now...come on out... Zack exits the ring and brushes Michael Buffer out of his chair, then folds it up and throws it into the ring before climbing back in. MALIBU C'mon Axel! C'mon Knight! Come out here, split me open with this chair! It's right here for you! Come on, Peter, come lay me out with that World Title belt! My blood went into the history of that belt, so how about putting some more on it, huh? You want my blood? Come on! Come out here and get me! Zack rolls out of the ring in his rampage, and goes and climbs up on the commentator's table. COACH What the hell... COLE Caboose, he's lost it. CABOOSE And rightfully so. MALIBU COME OUT HERE! C'MON AXEL! PUT ME THROUGH THIS TABLE! WATCH MY BODY BREAK! MAKE ME BLEED! COACH You know, if he keeps asking for it, he just might get it! Zack hops down and rolls back into the ring, still clutching the mic. MALIBU You have asked for this. All of you, for all you've done, have brought this upon yourselves. Do whatever you want to do, anything you think you CAN do. Because for every time I bleed, for every bone I break, I will get you back tenfold. Popick's usually the relgious one, but let me tell you something...vengeance will fall upon you, and redemption is inevitable. As far as I'm concered, Upstarts, you're nothing but the walking dead! Whether your name is Scotty Static, Christian Wright, Bohemoth, Johnny Jax, Jamie O'Hara, or HOFF, you are all marked men! After what all of you have done...and you Hoff, especially, choose to show your face here after you shat on the legacy of the championship that so many of us have worn proudly? Do you think that because the winds of change have swept through for a mere seven days that things are different? None of you...NONE OF YOU, have any respect for what has made you. Even during my darkest days, it was about THE COMPANY. Now...now it's not just the company. Now it's not just a Civil War. Now, until the day I pick you all off, one by one, it's personal! With that, Zack throws his mic down and storms up the ramp, back to the locker room area, leaving an arena of speechless fans behind, as we fade to black.

So I'm figuring that this week I'll cut a hell of a promo regarding the turn last week, but it gets interrupted by you two, which is where the bounty stipulation regarding the Rumble gets put into full effect. I can write the whole thing up and you two can edit as you see fit (if you see fit) and post it here sometime tomorrow afternoon (I actually have tomorrow off, so I'll be able to finish things fairly early).

ZACK PROMO-AGE, part 1 of 2 As we return to our live broadcast, a camera just so happens to be recording in the backstage area...and ZACK MALIBU just happens to have just walked through the back door! The muffled sounds of a crowd roar are heard in the distance, as they're witnessing this in the arena on the AngleTron, and also witness Zack storming through the backstage area. MALIBU Where are they? Where's Peter Knight? Huh... Ring crew, road agents, and all the assorted supporting characters look at Zack with bit lips, knowing he's on a rampage, but also in fear of the new General Manager, who'll make their lives into a living hell if they lead Zack in his direction. Malibu continues pacing through the backstage area, leaving no door unopened in his quest to find the newly revealed leader of The Upstarts and the current OAOAST World Champion. MALIBU AXEL! KNIGHT! Figures you'd be hiding you sons of... As Zack turns the corner, he comes face to face with another Original, someone he's never seen completely eye to eye with, but someone on his side nonetheless. Tony Brannigan, one half of Black T. BRANNIGAN Malibu, calm down. MALIBU The hell I will. Have you seen them? Look, just... Malibu tries to blow past Tony, but Branngian holds him back. BRANNIGAN CALM DOWN. Listen, this will be taken care of but not tonight, ok? MALIBU Get the hell... BRANNIGAN NOT TONIGHT, Zack. You're smarter than this. You KNOW this is what they wanted. They want you on edge, making rash decisions. You're feeding right into it. MALIBU Call it what you want, but I came here tonight to finish this once and for all. Tony surveys Zack, giving him the once over. BRANNIGAN You don't even have your gear with you. MALIBU I didn't say I came to wrestle, I said I came to end the war. BRANNIGAN Listen, Malibu, you do what you want, but don't do anything crazy. MALIBU Crazy? Oh I won't do anything crazy...I'm just going to do what's necessary. Malibu storms off, leaving Tony to shake his head in a moment of worry about what could go down tonight, as we cut away.

Off the top of my head: "Plowed" by Sponge-I believe this was the first non-SBTB theme that I used. "Bring Me To Life" by Evanescence-Zack Malibu April 2003-May 2004 "Nothing" by Stabbing Westward-The Thrillogy "Pop Princess" by The Click Five-Candie (current...well, whenever she appears. She used this during the "we're having a baby" promo).

All right, good enough. I had envisioned doing a promo only to have Axel cut off my mic, and the two of you standing tall as the Two Man Power Trip that you are and basically running myself and the company down. Still, I'm sure I can get my points across in a solo promo.