JJ Johnson

I was Kid Gorgeous. Then, Kid Presentable. Then, Kid Ugly. Then, Kid Moe.

And the one at Judi Dench's Fish & Chips.

Sugar? Sure, here you go. Sorry it's not in packets. You want cream? Um... no.

As incompetent as the Raiders are, I really don't think that you can top the Lions, who are so accepting of being losers that it drove Barry Sanders into an early retirement.

In all of his murder-attempting, election-rigging, rake-stepping glory. Sideshow Bob! You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! No truth handler, you! Bah! I deride your truth-handling abilities!

Had I gotten the number 1 pick, I would have picked Burns, more than likely.

I'd be in.

Derek Roddy, ex-Hate Eternal

I just got tickets to Kings/Preds, so I'm hoping it's a good game. At the very least, they're kickass seats.

Demetri Martin claims it's because it would simply sound as though you stuttered. "Yes, I would like B-batteries please." "What kind?" "B-batteries!" What is it about quarterbacks with first names for last names that cause them to fail? Jeff George, Rohan Davey(?), etc. Your days are numbered, Matt Ryan.

Scottsdale Community College Fighting Artichokes. That artichoke isn't even fighting anything. And their colors are purple and green. If that's not the worst, I don't know what is.

Suffocation very nearly made my top 5. Kickass band.

When New England beats me 29-14, and Oakland is up 24-0 at the half on me, the Clutch Games thing is a little broken. Woe is Chiefs.

I've grown to appreciate some Pink Floyd, by the way. I blame being 15 at the time. However, my enthusiasm for bad analogies will live forever.

Dreaming is their second-heaviest album behind Enemies of Reality. Now, just because Enemies is heavy doesn't mean it's good, this being Job For A Cowboy's Law, and I don't care for it myself. Dead Heart's nothing special, though, and Politics and the self-titled are good if you're into Jeff and Warrel's old band, Sanctuary.

5) Nevermore 4) Machine Head 3) Mastodon 2) Akercocke 1) Death Now, since we're all big Death fans, album rankings? Mine looks something like this. 6) Scream Bloody Gore 5) Individual Thought Patterns 4) The Sound of Perseverance 3) Human 2) Symbolic 1) Leprosy

I think Kirk's voice is perfect for their music. If they had an incredible singer (such as, to disagree with your other point, Rob Lowe from SA), it wouldn't fit as much as a gravel-throated fat guy wailing about his various sorrows. The vocal melodies themselves aren't all that metal, but the fact that he sounds so rough helps offset that. This is Lemmy's Law of Gravel. Crowbar's in the annoying position of being so influential that there's pressure to like them, much like Acid Bath, who I don't like. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go Agent-proof my house after that last statement.

This. That was one of the three albums that really hit me as far as Album of the Year goes, along with Meshuggah - obZen and Opeth - Watershed. I had high hopes for the new Scar Symmetry, but they really cranked the Bon Jovi to nauseating levels. The aforementioned Nachtmystium album is good, but it's not better than the aforementioned AoTYCs. The new The Haunted album comes out in October, and it's going to kick ass. The one song I've heard sounds like they're blending stuff from rEVOLVEr and The Dead Eye, mostly the thrash of the former and the peculiar structures of the latter.

Dallas wins at least 11 games and goes out of the playoffs ASAP due to the Third Annual Tony Romo Crunch Time Sucktacular.

Man, a big heapin' helping of fuck you for Dre Bly, stopping my potential game-tying bomb to Javon Walker with a well-placed tackle at the 3. Still, 28-21 isn't a bad result when you're playing as the Raiders.

I'm curious what gave Max the opinion my team was second-best, and what gave the majority almost the exact opposite opinion.

Right, picking for Smartly again. He takes: Lance Briggs, OLB 2x All-Pro 3x Pro Bowl and Lorenzo Neal, FB 3x All-Pro 4x Pro Bowl Blocked 11 straight 1000-yard rushers dating back to 1997

That's not entirely accurate, though. Marion Barber had 100 yards and then Julius Jones lost 99. The stats says Marion Barber was 6 attempts for -6 yards the game... Or were you just trying to be a smart ass? Smart ass. I'm a "lifelong" Cowboys fan in that if asked what my favorite team was before I watched football, Dallas was my answer, but I started watching the Cowboys just in time for the 5-11 threepeat, Emmitt Smith actually living up to his critics by being largely a product of his line, and Troy Aikman's slow but sure descent into madness. Thus, I get all "Fuck, the other shoe has fallen!" at the slightest provocation, including but not limited to the phrase "starting running back Julius Jones," who I've never seen do anything more than strive for mediocre. Or, in short, I fall under the Czech category of sports fans. How this turned into a biography is your guess.

That's not entirely accurate, though. Marion Barber had 100 yards and then Julius Jones lost 99.

Between the Buried and Me filmed their DVD last night. Good stuff.