JJ Johnson

MAIN EVENT: CAGE MATCH! “The Icon” Max King vs. Bruce Blank© (SWF Ultraviolent Champion) -Blank, because King may be a tad rusty, and it's technically a hardcore stip. FANTASTIC FATAL FOURWAY El Luchadore Magnifico© (SWF World Champion) vs. Jay Hawke © (SWF International Title Champion) vs. TORU Takahara© (SWF Tag Team Champion) vs. Stryke -Stable pride says Jay. Common sense says Mags. CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: PURE WRESTLING RULES JJ Johnson© (SWF Cruiserweight Champion) vs. Landon Maddix -The Cucaracha Internacional member SINGLES MATCH Akira ‘The Divine Wind’ Kaibatsu vs. ??? -If ??? is who I think it is, ???. COLD FRONT CLASSIC MATCH: TAKE TWO The Masked Crusader vs. ‘Hollywood’ Spike Jenkins -I predict Mags comes in as Villano XIV and repeats that last debacle. TRIPLE THREAT MATCH OF MOTIVATION Manson vs. Candace ‘The Joshi Dragon’ Onimura vs. Zyon -Onimura doesn't exist, and Manson is Manson. So Zyon.

Those sound like B-horror movies.

Chanukkah Chavoc SWF Saves Santa (Everybody knows pterodactyls hate the crack of an elbow smash!) Festivus Fury

Which, at least for me, would make reading shows more hassle than it's worth. Mags also brings up a valid point.

Reading through the thread about the upgrade, it says that posts by the same person within a certain amount of time get combined. Is that going to be problematic for people who post shows?

Apart from that, mighty fine show. More comments later.

The PPV is on the 18th, IIRC. You should be fine if you don't procrastinate.

That's the company that has a DVD called "44 ways to kill you with a pimento" right? As well as "Smells Like Steen Spirit" and "Zombies Shouldn't Run".

That was actually originated by Tom, and I stole it from him. It's a proud tradition. And a jab at those talentless PWG pigdogs.

One rule I forgot on the pure match: the title can change hands on a disqualification.

You get extra time to write for the Christmas PPV because, well, it's Christmas. You need more time, because you'll be doing more stuff to keep you away from writing.

That was Drowning Pool.

Quackensmash The Tempest Tail of the Dragon Inazuma Suplex Special 1 & 2 Deja Vu DDT Tiger Driver '96 Towering Inferno Alligator Clutch Flying Figure 7 Damn Quackenbush's poorly-described moveset. Damn it to hell.

Sent.

Bruce Blank vs. JJ Johnson in a "Too Violent for Lockdown" dark match. You know you love it.

Because they're boring, that's why. Gotta entertain the kids.

Your pants shall feel the full brunt of my wrath for leaving me off the card in Toronto! Even if the rules DO cancel out my entire moveset! Bah!

*cough*Jun Akiyama*cough* Excuse me. I've had a nasty cold. And both of these promos have been great. Two of the more sadistic men in the fed, given someone who wants to learn submissions and strikes by any means necessary = ratings.

Zyon, stats update/overhaul complete. If you're using my old ones, don't. Use my new ones. Because I'm awesome.

Cheater.

The Butterfly Lock Effect is the ultimate subject for a paper.

On a side note, what's with all these 7 CST due times lately?

Lmaoa Joe

... ...holyfuckingshitIwon. Less expletive laden/more readable comments later.

Below is copy and pasted from an AIM convo I had with Janus, during which I provided running commentary on my 1-hour Ironman match against Benoit. And get my ass handed to me. Enjoy! -------------------------------------------- jdreiSWF (9:21:26 PM): Now to try something I've never done: beat Chris Benoit in a one-hour Ironman match on Expert. jdreiSWF (9:21:47 PM): With frequent pauses to update you on the action, of course. coreoftheproblem (9:21:54 PM): Huzzah! coreoftheproblem (9:22:05 PM): An hour in game time? Or is it literally sixty minutes? jdreiSWF (9:22:13 PM): Literally sixty minutes. jdreiSWF (9:23:16 PM): Pins are on, submissions are on, DQ is on, first blood is off, KO is off, rope breaks are on, entrances are off, and the ring-out count is 20 seconds. jdreiSWF (9:23:57 PM): Because the outside is my house. jdreiSWF (9:25:02 PM): Christ, the pyro that forms an arc of flames is awesome. jdreiSWF (9:26:21 PM): Two chops from J3, goes for a punch but Benoit blocks. jdreiSWF (9:26:33 PM): Dragon Screw from Benoit. jdreiSWF (9:26:52 PM): LARIATOOOOOOO~ jdreiSWF (9:26:59 PM): from J3. Gets 1. jdreiSWF (9:27:58 PM): I go for a German, blocked, switch, Benoit hits me with elbows to the back then Germans me. jdreiSWF (9:28:46 PM): Nagata Lock from me, but Benoit succesfully guesses what I was trying for and it's immediately broken. jdreiSWF (9:28:52 PM): Okay, that requires explanation. jdreiSWF (9:29:40 PM): There's four options: Submit, Drain, Rest Hold, and Taunt, each chosen by pointing the C-Stick in their respective direction. You pick one, and the opponent picks one. If the opp guesses the same one you did, the hold is broken. jdreiSWF (9:31:02 PM): CROSSFACE jdreiSWF (9:31:17 PM): But I reverse, and roll out of it jdreiSWF (9:31:25 PM): And earn a finisher to boot! Huzzah! jdreiSWF (9:32:09 PM): AMAZING IMPACT jdreiSWF (9:32:14 PM): 3 count coreoftheproblem (9:32:26 PM): How does that work? Finisher earning I mean. coreoftheproblem (9:32:40 PM): The SD series needs MAJOR work in that regard and how deadly finishers are, on a sidenote. jdreiSWF (9:32:44 PM): The same as on the Smackdown games. Build up your meter doodad until you get a finisher. jdreiSWF (9:33:18 PM): And yeah, finishers are either completely lethal or ever-so-wimpy in the SD series. jdreiSWF (9:33:24 PM): J3: 1 Benoit: 0 56:59 remaining jdreiSWF (9:34:11 PM): Punch from Benoit...BLOCKED! ROLLING ELBOW! jdreiSWF (9:34:21 PM): LARIATOOOOOOOOOOO~ jdreiSWF (9:34:26 PM): MISSESOOOOOOOOOO~ jdreiSWF (9:34:42 PM): BRAINBUSTAH~! jdreiSWF (9:34:54 PM): Benoit kicks out at 2 jdreiSWF (9:35:42 PM): CROSSFACE jdreiSWF (9:35:46 PM): PICKED WRONG jdreiSWF (9:36:01 PM): J3 TAPS jdreiSWF (9:36:16 PM): J3: 1 Benoit: 1 55:42 remaining jdreiSWF (9:37:53 PM): STERNNESS DUST...Benoit flips out jdreiSWF (9:38:13 PM): CROSSFACE jdreiSWF (9:38:17 PM): J3 TAPS coreoftheproblem (9:38:28 PM): Man. coreoftheproblem (9:38:33 PM): Move acquisition is right quick on this. jdreiSWF (9:38:39 PM): Benoit: 2 J3: 1 54:31 remaining jdreiSWF (9:38:58 PM): He reversed a finisher, thus earning him a finisher. jdreiSWF (9:39:22 PM): And his momentum is way up, so his meter is filling faster. jdreiSWF (9:39:58 PM): GERMAN FROM J3 jdreiSWF (9:40:01 PM): REVERSED jdreiSWF (9:40:05 PM): GERMAN FROM BENOIT jdreiSWF (9:40:07 PM): REVERSED jdreiSWF (9:40:16 PM): BACKDROPDRIVAAAAHHHHHH~! jdreiSWF (9:40:38 PM): 2.9999 count! jdreiSWF (9:41:14 PM): Single-leg crab jdreiSWF (9:41:17 PM): J3 taps jdreiSWF (9:41:29 PM): Benoit: 3 J3: 1 53:32 remaining jdreiSWF (9:41:45 PM): Benoit gets his finisher... jdreiSWF (9:41:48 PM): Johnson bails! jdreiSWF (9:42:14 PM): Benoit rolls Johnson back into the ring! jdreiSWF (9:42:17 PM): CROSSFACE! jdreiSWF (9:42:28 PM): I pick the right one, submission thankfully broken. jdreiSWF (9:42:48 PM): ROARING ELBOWWW~~!~!~!~!~!!!!~ jdreiSWF (9:43:02 PM): 2 COUNT?!? jdreiSWF (9:43:08 PM): The FUCK?! jdreiSWF (9:43:42 PM): STERNNESS DUST~! jdreiSWF (9:43:45 PM): Rope break jdreiSWF (9:43:55 PM): SECOND STERNNESS DUST~! jdreiSWF (9:43:57 PM): ... jdreiSWF (9:44:00 PM): Oh my fucking God. jdreiSWF (9:44:09 PM): He didn't. jdreiSWF (9:44:17 PM): He DID. jdreiSWF (9:44:22 PM): BENOIT KICKED OUT. coreoftheproblem (9:45:04 PM): Benoit > you. jdreiSWF (9:45:11 PM): Apparently. jdreiSWF (9:45:39 PM): So, he's kicked out of the Elbow, and the STERNNESS Dust. jdreiSWF (9:45:57 PM): That leaves the 450, and the Boilermaker. coreoftheproblem (9:46:24 PM): I half expect to hear you tried the Boilermaker. coreoftheproblem (9:46:31 PM): Only to have Benoit Orange Crush you Flesher/Ejiro stylez. jdreiSWF (9:46:44 PM): Nah, Orange Crush isn't in the game. That's something you can lord over me. coreoftheproblem (9:46:59 PM): Hah. jdreiSWF (9:47:23 PM): AMAZING IMPACT jdreiSWF (9:47:35 PM): Too close to the ropes jdreiSWF (9:47:51 PM): Koppu kick jdreiSWF (9:47:55 PM): Climb to the top rope jdreiSWF (9:48:04 PM): WORLD'S MOST IRONIC DIVING HEADBUTT~! jdreiSWF (9:48:22 PM): 1 count. Stop kicking out of S moves, you bastard. jdreiSWF (9:48:42 PM): AMAZING IMPACT IN THE CENTER OF THE RING jdreiSWF (9:48:56 PM): ...ANKLE LOCK?!?!?!? jdreiSWF (9:49:06 PM): ... jdreiSWF (9:49:12 PM): Damn game. coreoftheproblem (9:49:46 PM): ANKLE LOCKS~! jdreiSWF (9:50:06 PM): Whip to the corner. jdreiSWF (9:50:18 PM): Punch. (In place of a SHORYUKEN~!) coreoftheproblem (9:50:27 PM): SHORYUKEN! > punch. jdreiSWF (9:50:32 PM): Get Special. coreoftheproblem (9:50:55 PM): You should KO him somehow. And get like five pins off his corpse. jdreiSWF (9:51:02 PM): Boilermaker. I'm lifting him to the top rope when I paused it, and he hasn't reversed it. It's gone into the animation, so I'm definitely going to hit it. jdreiSWF (9:51:09 PM): And I really regret turning KOs off. jdreiSWF (9:51:21 PM): Unpaused. jdreiSWF (9:51:39 PM): BBBBBBBRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNBBBBBUUUUUSSSSSSTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAHHHHHHHHH~!!!!!~!~!~!!~!~!~!!~!!!!~~!!! jdreiSWF (9:51:52 PM): ... jdreiSWF (9:51:55 PM): I fucking quit. jdreiSWF (9:52:21 PM): Not even a 2 count. jdreiSWF (9:52:43 PM): AMAZING IMPACT gets a two. coreoftheproblem (9:53:34 PM): .... coreoftheproblem (9:53:37 PM): Make him tap. jdreiSWF (9:53:49 PM): That would be awesome, if I had any submission moves. jdreiSWF (9:53:54 PM): Wait a minute. jdreiSWF (9:54:00 PM): I have the Cobra Clutch in my sigs. jdreiSWF (9:54:22 PM): And, thanks to the magic of stealing finishers... jdreiSWF (9:54:45 PM): Lets try one more STERNNESS Dust. jdreiSWF (9:55:00 PM): And the 450... jdreiSWF (9:55:07 PM): That Benoit rolls out of the way of. jdreiSWF (9:55:10 PM): God dammit. coreoftheproblem (9:55:13 PM): On a rnadom note, you remind me the SD games need better dodging counters. coreoftheproblem (9:55:24 PM): Watching Janus do backflips over people just isn't right. jdreiSWF (9:55:39 PM): Benoit goes for the headbutt! jdreiSWF (9:55:48 PM): Unfortunately for him, I am standing, and simply move out of the way. jdreiSWF (9:56:02 PM): Pin, gets 1. jdreiSWF (9:56:41 PM): CROSSFACE jdreiSWF (9:56:43 PM): Taps. jdreiSWF (9:56:57 PM): Benoit: 4 Johnson: 1 46:52 remaining jdreiSWF (9:57:12 PM): Well, I lasted seven minutes. jdreiSWF (9:58:29 PM): Cross armbreaker. jdreiSWF (9:58:39 PM): Benoit has now forced a tapout on every one of my body parts. jdreiSWF (9:58:50 PM): Benoit: 5 Johnson: 1 45:51 remaining jdreiSWF (10:00:24 PM): I go for the lariat... jdreiSWF (10:00:33 PM): BENOIT CATCHES ME IN THE CROSSFACE jdreiSWF (10:00:54 PM): 6-1 Benoit. 44:15 left. jdreiSWF (10:01:15 PM): I hit the lariat! jdreiSWF (10:01:26 PM): And don't even get the chance to scream when he kicks out. He no-sells it. coreoftheproblem (10:01:29 PM): Benoit Is God. Literally. You can't keep him down. o.o jdreiSWF (10:01:42 PM): And he can make me submit at will. jdreiSWF (10:02:27 PM): Crossface. 7-1 Benoit. 43:33 left. jdreiSWF (10:02:32 PM): See what I mean? jdreiSWF (10:03:44 PM): I GRAB A FUCKING KENDO STICK AND SWING IT AT HIM jdreiSWF (10:03:53 PM): He reverses into a gutwrench suplex. That dick. jdreiSWF (10:04:51 PM): CROSSFACE jdreiSWF (10:04:57 PM): I guess correctly, for once. jdreiSWF (10:05:43 PM): Two Sternness Dusts in a row. He kicks out at one. jdreiSWF (10:07:03 PM): DRAGON SCREW jdreiSWF (10:07:10 PM): Get Special, go up top for the 450... jdreiSWF (10:07:15 PM): I'm out of stamina. jdreiSWF (10:07:29 PM): This game is fucking rigged. jdreiSWF (10:08:28 PM): I climb onto the apron, Benoit comes for me. I suplex him to the outside. That'll teach that sumbitch. jdreiSWF (10:09:04 PM): I've dropped him on his head at least 8 times. What happened to his surgically repaired neck? jdreiSWF (10:09:30 PM): Crossface, 8-1 Benoit, 38:58 left. jdreiSWF (10:09:56 PM): This is interesting, because I wasn't aware the rule was 'no ropebreaks unless I'm doing the move' jdreiSWF (10:10:27 PM): Rolling Germans, I kick out at 2. jdreiSWF (10:11:13 PM): ... jdreiSWF (10:11:15 PM): ... jdreiSWF (10:11:16 PM): ... jdreiSWF (10:11:21 PM): Knife-edge chop from Benoit. jdreiSWF (10:11:25 PM): 1-2-3. jdreiSWF (10:13:02 PM): I just got pinned off a damn chop. coreoftheproblem (10:13:44 PM): ... coreoftheproblem (10:13:47 PM): Rigged. jdreiSWF (10:13:54 PM): Exactly. jdreiSWF (10:14:07 PM): This warrants a Community/General topic once I'm done. jdreiSWF (10:15:06 PM): I'm going to blame Dream Theater. I've been listening to one of their songs on repeat for the last 20 minutes. jdreiSWF (10:16:21 PM): Rolling germans, 10-1 jdreiSWF (10:19:08 PM): Yeah, this is definitely becoming a Com/Gen topic. jdreiSWF (10:19:51 PM): I bust him open with an elbow. jdreiSWF (10:21:19 PM): 11-1, cross armbreaker. coreoftheproblem (10:21:43 PM): You keep hitting him with giant moves and not pinning him. coreoftheproblem (10:21:46 PM): Try something small. coreoftheproblem (10:21:53 PM): Maybe it'd work. jdreiSWF (10:22:00 PM): *armdrag* jdreiSWF (10:22:04 PM): DING DING DING! jdreiSWF (10:22:11 PM): Here is your winner via KNOCKOUT... jdreiSWF (10:22:44 PM): Sharpshooter, 12-1 jdreiSWF (10:23:01 PM): Crossface, 13-1 coreoftheproblem (10:23:03 PM): So unbalanced it's not funny. coreoftheproblem (10:23:12 PM): Okay, it IS funny. coreoftheproblem (10:23:21 PM): But only from the "Haha, I'm not the one playing!" standpoint. jdreiSWF (10:24:25 PM): Sharpshooter, 14-1, just passed the 30-minute mark. jdreiSWF (10:25:06 PM): Wrist-clutch exploder, but now I'm so devoid of stamina that I can't even move. coreoftheproblem (10:25:33 PM): Now he's just going to get up and apply a hammerlock to make you tap. jdreiSWF (10:25:45 PM): I almost jobbed to a rear chinlock just now. jdreiSWF (10:25:49 PM): Luckily, I picked the right one. jdreiSWF (10:29:32 PM): On the plus side, I've gotten him to the third stage of bleeding. coreoftheproblem (10:29:48 PM): Stage? jdreiSWF (10:29:49 PM): To where it's running down his chest, and an elbow sends plasma sailing into the first row. jdreiSWF (10:30:06 PM): There's three levels of bleeding. jdreiSWF (10:30:18 PM): Busted open, bleeding badly, and Muta Scale coreoftheproblem (10:30:38 PM): Swet. coreoftheproblem (10:30:42 PM): ...sweet, even. jdreiSWF (10:31:23 PM): ROARING ELBOW!!! jdreiSWF (10:31:26 PM): ... jdreiSWF (10:31:29 PM): ... jdreiSWF (10:31:32 PM): 14-2~! coreoftheproblem (10:31:41 PM): It's comeback time! jdreiSWF (10:31:43 PM): ON THE COMEBACK TRAIL, BITCHES! jdreiSWF (10:33:06 PM): Two roaring elbows and a lariat later, it's still 14-2 jdreiSWF (10:33:30 PM): ROARING ELBOW!! jdreiSWF (10:33:31 PM): ... jdreiSWF (10:33:36 PM): 450 SPLASH!!! jdreiSWF (10:33:40 PM): 14-3~! jdreiSWF (10:33:50 PM): 23:23 left coreoftheproblem (10:34:39 PM): *starts obligatory FUCK HIM UP! chant* jdreiSWF (10:36:08 PM): Crossface. 15-3. 21:35 left. jdreiSWF (10:36:31 PM): He's immobilized! Thanks, stamina! jdreiSWF (10:38:03 PM): STERNNESS DUST! jdreiSWF (10:38:09 PM): ROARING ELBOW! jdreiSWF (10:38:15 PM): 15-4~! jdreiSWF (10:38:22 PM): 20:10 left. jdreiSWF (10:38:58 PM): AMAZING IMPACT! jdreiSWF (10:39:01 PM): 2 count. jdreiSWF (10:39:58 PM): Okay, now the amount of blood is just disgusting. jdreiSWF (10:40:47 PM): 16-4, Crossface. 18:26. jdreiSWF (10:41:13 PM): 17-4, Crossface. 18:16. coreoftheproblem (10:41:34 PM): Benoit: "Hah! You think you can defeat me? I AM GOD!" jdreiSWF (10:41:54 PM): Earlier, I almost typed 150-3 coreoftheproblem (10:42:39 PM): That honestly would not have surprised me. jdreiSWF (10:42:49 PM): Me either, sadly. jdreiSWF (10:44:09 PM): Triple Germans, leading to the countout. 18-4. jdreiSWF (10:52:47 PM): I quit, with 9:35 to go. jdreiSWF (10:52:59 PM): Final score: Benoit 20, Johnson 4 coreoftheproblem (10:53:03 PM): ....burrrrrn. jdreiSWF (10:53:21 PM): Now to put it on easy and drop him on his head to my heart's content. ------------------------------------------------ In other news, DOR2 now lies in the nearest trash can. Discuss.