(Another one that didn’t win – dang)
The cameras pan across the sold out, and when I say sold out I mean “People bring their own folding chairs and sit in the aisle” sold out!”, Staples Center in picturesque Los Angeles to give the eager fans a chance to get their signs on TV.
“Only a cockroach can survive twice”
“Academy Award for Best Wrestler: Wes Davenport” (complete with an Oscar statuette that has Wes’ face on it)
”Ghost Machine V2.0 = Toth”
”I came to see Jimmy the Doom – where the HELL is he?”
”I couldn’t get Anglepalooza tickets”
And after that last sign we quickly head to the ring where Funyon is busy telling everyone about the rules of this particular match.
“You know Pete, who here do not know the rules?” King says as he’s bored by Funyon’s spiel already.
“There might be people who do not know that you’re eliminated if you’re thrown over the top rope and both your feet touch the floor.” Pete replies defending Funyon’s explanations of the ClusterFuck rules.
“Oh come on, don’t you think the fans who bought the PPV knows that the winner will get a world title shot at “From the Fire”?? it’s not like it’s the first time that’s been done” King fires back just as Funyon’s explanations wind down.
“Well now the fans at home didn’t hear Funyon explain the rules – are you happy now?”
“Yes very much so Pete”
“Ladies and Gentlemen it is now time for the 2006 20 MAN CLUSTERFUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK ELIMINATION MATCH!!” Funyon yells before leaving the ring as his announcing duties for this match are over.
The lights die down for a moment both to signal the start of the match and well because Hollywood Spike Jenkins is on his way and everyone knows it.
“It’s no mystery who’s #1 this year” Pete says as the Smarktron turns bright white.
“No the idiot ASKED for it” King says with a snigger
*SCREEEEEEEEEEEEE-BAM!!*
“Black Label” blares over the PA system as Spike Jenkins walks out looking calm and confident over the humongus task ahead of him here tonight. He quickly kneels on the ramp and then crosses his arms to make the “X” symbol as the crowd cheers him on.
“Hollywood had a bit of miscommunication with Zyon on Smarkdown, which is why he’s not walking into this match as the International champion” King reminds everyone taking pleasure in reminding everyone of Spike’s failures.
“He’s a man with something to prove King – I think that’s why he went a little overboard on Smarkdown and that’s why he’s demanded to be first in the ring here tonight.” King says.
Once Hollywood Spike Jenkins is in the ring the music switches to Bouncing Souls “Óle” as the black & gold clad luchador Laberinto comes out through the curtains sprinting down the aisle as he slaps hands with anyone who wants to. Hollywood just stands in his corner and watches as Laberinto leaps over the top rope and then takes off his golden cape ready for action.
*DING*DING*DING*
“AND HEEEEEEEEEERE WE GO!!” King says excitedly as the bell rings for the 2006 ClusterFuck.
“King this could be the night where a new superstar is established” Pete says pointing out the obvious to everyone.
“The winner will face either El Luchador Magnifico or J.J. Johnson – I’m not sure that’s really a GOOD thing” King says.
Laberinto extends his right hand towards Spike Jenkins, offering him a handshake before the mach starts as a signal of good faith and intentions. Hollywood just stands there and looks at the extended hand with a sneer before gesturing for Laberinto to “come on” instead of going for the handshake.
“A little less straight, a little more edge from Hollywood – is that what it’ll take for Spike to be successful tonight?” King wonders
“Maybe so, he’s got a HUGE task ahead of himself if he’s going to win – then again so does the newcomer Laberinto” says Pete.
So instead of the handshake Laberinto and Spike lock up in the middle of the ring in a good old fashioned collar and elbow tie-up with both of them struggling for position. After a few moments of jockeying for control Spike shoves Laberinto back a few steps and then runs at him with lariat aspirations.
Laberinto leaps to the side, raising his arm like a bullfighter avoiding the snarling monster
OLÉ!!
Spike turns around quickly and once again attacks Laberinto but the lighting quick luchador once again side steps him and waves his hands like he was holding a red blanket
OLÉ!!
Laberinto can’t help but smile as quite a few fans in the audience chant along with him. When Spike comes at him a third time he leaps into the air hoping to leap frog over Hollywood, but Jenkins is half a step ahead of his opponent as he grabs hold of Laberinto mid leap and then drives him into the ground with a spine buster that Arn Anderson would be proud off
“Spike Jenkins scores the first big move of the match!” Pete says in case you’re keeping score at home.
“It doesn’t matter who scores the first move – all that matters is who scores the LAST move! with the position Spike is in I know it ain’t gonna be him, hell I’ll go out on a limb and say that he’ll be the first one eliminated!” King boldly predicts.
The second Laberinto sits up Spike moves in and kicks him hard across the chest twice before taking a step back and then
*BAM!!*
Spike’s foot strikes Laberinto square on the jaw knocking the 220 pound Luchador down to the canvas once again. With everything going his way Spike grins as he grabs his opponent by the tights and the back of his mask and drags him back to his feet.
“Spike is looking to take out El Garbajo” King quips as Spike drags his opponent towards the ropes.
“That’s a really good strategy – get the opponent out before the next one enters”
Laberinto has enough presence of mind to grab on to the top rope as Spike tries to throw him over it and manages to wart off elimination. But Spike doesn’t give up that easily and instead reaches down and grabs one of Laberinto’s legs as he tries to lift him over the top instead of throwing him.
TEN!!
“Who’s coming? Who’s next?” King asks excitedly
NINE!!
EIGHT!!
“Well we don’t know King, it could be anyone of 18 people” Pete replies suspecting that it could be a LONG night at the commentary table.
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
FIVE!!
Laberinto clings onto the top rope like he duct taped to it as Spike pushes and pulls to get his opponent out of the ring before the next one shows up.
FOUR!!
THREE!!
“So… who is it?” the Suicide King impatiently asks again.
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
Rammstein’s sweet dulcet sounds heralds the introduction of participant #3 Germany’s own Jason Von Dierch. Jason doesn’t waste much time as he races to the ring and slides under the bottom rope behind Spike and Laberinto.
“Von Dierch has been out of action for a while King, I wonder if it’s slowed him down any” Pete ponders
“I think the ass kicking Bruce Blank laid on him last time we saw him is what’s going to slow him down” King says referring to the “Trunk or Treat” Ultraviolent title match Jason Von Dierch lost a while back.
Jason quickly leaps at Spike, striking him in the back with a high knee – a move that knocks Spike down but also knocks Laberinto OVER the top rope onto the apron where he clings on to the bottom rope to prevent himself from being eliminated.
“Now if he was smart he would have helped Spike out instead of attacking him” King points out
“He could still end up eliminating Laberinto on his own” Says Pete as JVD kicks Laberinto in the mid section.
Jason grabs the top rope and then places his right foot on Laberinto’s chest pushing the luchador backwards hoping to pry him off the bottom rope and out of the match. When Jason notices that Laberinto has both his legs and arms wrapped around the bottom rope he turns away in anger and walks straight into
*BAM!!*
THE LAST DANCE!!
Spike’s superkick nails the Rage square on the jaw knocking him backwards quickly sending him into the ropes. With Von Dierch perfectly placed Laberinto quickly crawls under the bottom rope back into the ring and then signals for the 619 much to the delight of the crowd. Laberinto sprints across the ring, leaps in between the top and the middle rope and connects with ease.
“Laberinto sure knows how to get the crowd fired up” Pete says as the crowd pops for the lighting fast action.
After hitting the 619 on Von Dierch Laberinto spins back into the ring, back right into a Roaring Elbow from Spike Jenkins
“And Spike knows how to take the jump out of the jumping bean” King fires back as Spike rains on Laberinto’s parade.
Spike looks at both Von Dierch and Laberinto on the canvas and just shakes his head, either he disapproves of their clothes selections or he just doesn’t think much of their chances right now. With one hand on Jason’s long hair and the other on the back of his trunks Spike tries to gain enough momentum to launch the Rage over the top rope to the floor, but Von Dierch isn’t ready to exit the match just yet and quickly puts the breaks on while shoving Spike into the ropes instead.
“Von Dierch could take Spike by surprise here, I told you he’d be the first one out” King says as JVD has Spike on the ropes.
TEN!!
NINE!!
“Here comes the fourth entrant, if this is a big guy he could easily clear the ring of all three cruiserweights” King says as the clock counts down
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
Spike frees himself from Jason’s attempt at throwing him over the top robe by nailing the Rage with a back elbow that connects with the bridge of Jason’s nose.
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
THREE!!
The moment Spike turns around to find out where Laberinto is he’s greeted with a flying forearm with a grace and beauty that hasn’t been seen since before Tito Santana became “El Matador” and just didn’t put the same “snap” into it.
TWO!!
ONE!!
“COME ON CRIMSON SKULL!” King says rooting for someone big to come to the ring and clean up.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
The blue and white pyrotechnics that accompany Cypress Hill’s “How I Could Just Kill A Man” tells everyone in the arena that Styke is about to make his appearance
“Ah man he’s no Crimson Skull” King says disappointedly.
“No but he’s got more experience at this match than anyone else – he’s been in the Clusterfuck in 2002, 2003, 2004 and 2005 and now he’s in 2006 as well, that’s quite a record.” Pete informs everyone
“So you’re saying he’s an experienced fucker?” King fires back as they both watch Stryke jog to the ring, slide under the bottom rope and then tackle Von Dierch into the corner before the Rage has a chance to defend himself. With 4 men in the ring the action quickly splits into two separate fights as Stryke is working over Jason Von Dierch in the corner with a series of shoulder blocks and Laberinto targets Spike who’s getting back up on his knees after being knocked down by the flying forearm.
Laberinto bounces off the ropes, steps on Spike’s right leg and then connects with a Shinning Wizard
*POW!!*
“Laberinto is showing some fire here tonight – a regular Casa En Fuego!!” the Suicide King says as the lighting quick luchador gets back to his feet.
“Stryke is going pretty good too in the corner as well, he’s taking it to Jason Von Dierch” Pete adds as Stryke nails his opponent with a series of knees to the mid section.
Stryke picks up the Rage and slams him down parallel with the turnbuckles and then quickly gets up on the second rope before he a second later leaps towards Von Dierch going for a double stomp. Von Dierch rolls out of the path of Stryke’s feet but since Stryke move of choice means he lands on his feet he quickly adjusts and drops an elbow on the neck of Jason Van Dierch instead.
“Jason thought he was safe, but as Styke can attest to, You’re never safe in the ClusterFuck match” says the Suicide King
“Stryke knows better than anyone that it can be over like that” Pete says and snaps his fingers “A wrong move or letting someone sneak up on you and you could very well end up on the floor”
“You’d know that too Pete – isn’t that how you embarrassed yourself if 2003?”
“I wouldn’t say “embarrassed” King – I just didn’t win” Pete defends himself.
“You didn’t even last 6 minutes Pete go ahead and admit it” King says as he loves to torture his co-commentator.
TEN!!
“Alright here comes number 5” Pete quickly says more than happy to change the subject.
NINE!!
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
“Come on power!! We need someone to throw all these small guys around” King pleads as the count down is on.
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
THREE!!
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
”Lesson
The honoring instinct of animal
Pressure”
“Is THAT big enough for ya?” Pete says as the fans begin to boo the imminent arrival of the Raging Bull
“Oh yeah baby, Manson is plenty big and strong – we’re gonna see some CARNAGE!!” says King while rubbing his hands.
In a flash of jeans and beard Manson is in the ring looking like he’s ready to tear a few assholes! The first person to suffer the powers of Mansonosity is Laberinto as Manson almost takes his head off with a stiff lariat
“Oh man he spun Laberinto 360 degrees in the air” says King not bothering to hide his enjoyment.
“Spike isn’t just going to let Manson run wild though King” Pete says as Hollywood Spike Jenkins charges the Master of Mansonosity…
…only to find himself being dropped throat first onto the top rope as Manson uses Spike’s momentum to hot shot him. A moment later Jason Von Dierch finds himself tossed half way across the ring as he’s on the receiving end of a Bell to Belly overhead suplex that Manson releases half way through to let the Rage tumble across the canvas. With 3 opponents down Manson turns his attention on the only other man still standing in the ring
He totally no-sells the kick to the gut by Stryke and then traps Stryke under his arm and then hoists him into the air for stiff Uranage Suplex
*BAM!!*
“Man he shook the ring with that move, Stryke could be out cold” Pete says as Manson celebrates his carnage with a animalistic roar.
“There is your winner Pete, it’s Manson’s year I can feel it” King confidently states
Being the first one back on his feet Spike Jenkins shows that he’s far from out of the match, but unfortunately for him it also means that he’s Manson’s next target as the burly power house grabs the much lighter opponent around the throat and by the tights and hoists him up over his head in a gorilla press position.
“THROW HIM OUT!! THROW HIM OUT!!” King yells encouraging Manson
“So now you can’t even pretend to be unbiased?” Pete says.
“Did I not say Spike would be the first guy out, Manson is going to make that come true” King replies.
Realizing that he’s on the bring of elimination Spike becomes a frenzy of activities as he wiggles his legs and pushes himself backwards, breaking Manson’s grip on him and allowing him to drop to the canvas behind the Raging Bull. Spike uses his position to push Manson forward driving him into the ropes, after a moment Stryke joins in the attempt to lift Manson out of the ring as he grabs him by the legs as Spike tries to push Manson’s upper body over the top rope.
“Spike seems to be all business tonight, no showboating or anything – he’s a man on a mission” Pete states.
“So which one is he? Mabel or Mo?” King quips, making a dated joke that’s probably lost on at least half of the viewing audience.
TEN!!
NINE!!
“Man has it been 2 minutes already? Time sure flies when Manson throws people around” King says as his attention turns towards the entrance ramp where participant number 6 will be coming out in 8 short seconds.
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
While Spike and Stryke are trying to eliminate Manson Jason Von Dierch is having his way with Laberinto as the still groggy Mexican is unable to defend himself from the onslaught of the man known as “The Rage”
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
THREE!!
As the crowd counts down Von Dierch raises Laberinto up into the air and viciously DRIVES him into the ground with a sit out power bomb
*BAM!!*
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
The second the buzzer goes off Stryke’s attention is temporarily diverted from the task at hand which gives Manson a chance to elbow Spike and thus ward off elimination from the two of them for now.
“Here comes the returning Christian Fury – is he ready for a match of this magnitude after a prolonged absence?” Pete ponders as “Anxiety” plays over the PA system.
“If he’s allowed to bring the Kendo Stick to the ring he just might go all the way” King says.
But when Fury reaches ringside the floor referees and road agents stop him and demands that he turns the Kendo stick over to them before he’s allowed to go in the ring. Reluctantly Fury hands the Kendo stick to William Hearford III and walks up the steel steps
“The officials are out in force tonight to prevent any cheating to take place” Pete says explaining why a guy like Judge would be at ringside for the match.
“Bleh they’re stifling people’s freedom of expression” King replies.
Fury is still on the apron when Spike Jenkins runs across the ring, leaps up on the shoulders of Jason Von Dierch from behind and then flips himself forward in a Victory Roll position that sends the unprepared Von Dierch flipping over the top and to the floor.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jason Von Dierch
ENTERED: #3
LEFT: 1st
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Spike Jenkins
LEFT IN RING: Spike Jenkins, Laberinto, Stryke, Manson, Christian Fury
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“We have our first elimination! Jason Von Dierch is the first man thrown out tonight” Pete says
“Yeah but he’ll soon be followed by Spike, like I’ve said all along he’ll be the SECOND man out of the match” King says, revising his story.
Spike quickly crawls back through the ropes into the ring and jumps Laberinto simply because he’s the closet opponent. Fury steps through the ropes and enters the ring where he’s face to face with Manson and Stryke in a 3 way staredown.
“Oh for the love of pudding! Just hit someone – anyone” King says as the three men stare at each other for a minute, memories of a match that never was hanging in the air.
After the staredown both Stryke and Christian Fury decide to attack Manson at the same time, driving the Raging Bull back into the corner as they throw punch after punch at him. Spike has Laberinto tied up in the ropes once more but Laberinto is just too quick and agile and crawls through the 2nd and 3rd rope as Spike tries to push him over the top.
TEN!!
NINE!!
Laberinto’s positioning allows him to turn the tables and a second later SPIKE is the one dangling on the edge of elimination instead.
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
“What did I say? Spike will be the next ass to hit the ground” King confidently states as Laberinto tries to shove Spike over the top
SIX!!
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
“If he is going out it won’t be now” Pete states as Spike manages to push Laberinto off using one of his feet and get back in the ring.
THREE!!
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BOO-BOO!! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE BOO-BOO!! CLANK!
“It’s the new and improved Ghost Machine” King says as the crowd begins to boo the latest product to come off the Benner Corp. assembly line.
“I wonder if his warranty will cover getting into the ring with 19 wrestlers” Pete ponders.
The curtains are pulled to the side and Ghost Machine V2.0 appears as the weird robot music plays on. The “Robot” is standing on the prongs of a fork lift that’s being driven to ringside by a very annoyed looking Chris Belcourt. When the forklift reaches ringside Belcourt raises the prongs so that they are level with the ring with Ghost Machine V2.0 remaining totally immobile.
“That’s a smart strategy right there, preserve oil for a long match” King says as the other competitors in the ring stare at the Ghost Machine.
“Preserve oil, so you’re saying he’s ecologically friendly now? Does he run on unleaded?” Pete asks mockingly.
When Ghost Machine doesn’t move Stryke turns his attention towards the other competitors and targets the man EVERYONE is gunning for tonight, Spike Jenkins, and elbows him in the gut. Then he quickly hoists him up on his shoulders in a fireman’s carry position before he begins to spin around with Spike on his shoulders
“This is one of Stryke’s favorite moves, the air-plane spin slam, but it’s been known to backfire on him” Pete says sounding all clever and insightful.
“I wonder if Spike ate before the match, if he did we may just see it come back up again” King says as Stryke spins Spike around and around.
Stryke swings Spike around and hits Manson in the back of the head with one of Spike’s legs knocking the Raging Bull down, then he strikes Laberinto with Spike’s foot to knock him down too. When Stryke began to twirl Spike around in the air Ghost Machine V2.0 springs to life as he steps off the forklift and into the ring.
Ghost Machine ducks the legs once, then again but Stryke stops dead in his tracks and then changes direction to nail Ghost Machine in the face with Spike’s foot before dropping his Straight Edge opponent the ground.
“Stryke always ends up dizzy and vulnerable himself” Pete says “And sometimes it’s NOT a good thing”
As if he was out to prove Longdogger Pete right Chris Fury rushes over to the swaying Stryke, grabs him by the tights and the back of the head and does a running toss with the Cruiserweight over the top rope to the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stryke
ENTERED: #4
LEFT: 2nd
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Christian Fury
LEFT IN RING: Spike Jenkins, Laberinto, Manson, Christian Fury, Ghost Machine 2,0
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Another ClusterFuck, another elimination for Stryke – that’s got to get old” King says as Stryke hits the ground.
Chris Fury doesn’t waste time celebrating the elimination as he turns his attention towards Manson since he’s the first one to get back to his feet after being struck by Spike’s boots. Fury gets a head of steam, runs at Manson and hits him with a clothesline that sends BOTH of them over the top rope hurtling towards the arena floor. Fury manages to hand on to the top rope at the last second but Manson has no such luck and finds himself on the floor and eliminated from the match.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Manson
ENTERED: #5
LEFT: 3rd
ELIMINATED: Jason Von Dierch
ELIMINATED BY: Christian Fury
LEFT IN RING: Spike Jenkins, Laberinto, Christian Fury, Ghost Machine 2.0
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“TWO QUICKIES FOR FURY!!” King says loudly to punctuate Fury’s double eliminations.
“Manson doesn’t look happy at all” Pete says as Manson tries to rush over and drag Fury down to the floor with him.
But William Hearford and the army of referees do their best to prevent Manson from illegally eliminating Chris Fury as they give “The Fury” the chance to climb back into the ring and off the apron.
TEN!!
NINE!!
“We’re about to be joined by a 5th man in the ring – and will all Cruiserweights in there right now a powerhouse could really do some damage” Pete says
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
Spike and Laberinto’s little mini war been put on hold for a moment as the two of them actually work together to try and get Christian Fury thrown out of the ring.
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
“Now that’s what I like to see from Spike, he doesn’t care who helps him – as long as it gets him closer to a win” King says actually finding something about Spike that he likes tonight.
THREE!!
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
The strobe lights kick in to take everyone back to the seventies as KC and the Sunshine band tells everyone that the 70s Dude is YOUR boogie man. The 70s Dude’s funky walk and smarmy smile doesn’t really convince anyone that he’s their boogie man and the Los Angeles crowd is happy to tell him
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The 70s Dude enters the ring and rushes at Spike, Laberinto and Fury and throws his full weight against them, splashing all three against the ropes to take the advantage in the match. The Dude just smiles as the crowd boos him and then does his funky strut – after all he’s knocked all the guys in the ring down: Fury, Spike and Laberinto… leaving only…
“Did Ghost Machine get eliminated” Pete asks when he suddenly notices that the Machine is on the floor.
“I don’t think so Pete, I didn’t see it” King replies.
Ghost Machine just stand there on the floor, not moving an inch as the action goes on in the ring, since he’s not being told to go to the back it’s safe to assume he’s not out yet and is just preserving his battery power.
“Okay that’s just wrong” Pete says all indignant, there was no “time out” when he was in the ClusterFuck match.
The Dude drops a duderiffic elbow square on Spike’s chest, but is knocked on his back when Fury and Laberinto hit a double sliding drop kick straight to the seated Dude’s face. Fury and Laberinto then kips up in unison and raises an arm in celebration
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
The camera catches up with the Ghost Machine as he’s finally moved on the floor and is now over by the fork lift with a USB plug in one hand. With stiff calculated moves Ghost Machine V2.0 reaches up and plugs the USB port into his nose – or I/O port of whatever it’s technically called and then pushes a button on the object on the other end of the cable.
“I didn’t know he was USB compatible?” Pete says,
“Well V1.0 ran on floppy disks but this is the new and improved model” King says as the camera zooms in on the device at the other end of the USB cable.
“Savage’o’nizer”
“What the?”
TEN!!
“And here comes another entrant” Pete says as the crowd counts along with the clock once more.
NINE!!
EIGHT!!
Ghost Machine removes the USB plug and then turns his attention towards the entrance as he raises his right hand in the air, index finger extended as he rotates it in a familiar gesture
SEVEN!!
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH *Beep* YEAH!!!”
SIX!!
FIVE!!
A second after using his loud speaker to simulate a human voice he sprints down the aisle towards the entrance
FOUR!!
THREE!!
“Where is he going?” Pete asks, not really expecting an answer
TWO!!
ONE!!
Just as the clock hits zero Ghost Machine ducks behind some of the scenery and waits out of sight
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
The start of OK Go’s “Get Over it” can only mean one thing
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!
The crowd truly comes alive as one of the crowd favorites steps through the curtains and into the spotlight, HIS spotlight
WES!! WES!! WES!! WES!!
The Hollywood star smiles from ear to ear over the warm ovation Los Angeles is giving him as he’s practically in his own backyard tonight. He stops for a moment to sign an autograph for a busty woman who holds out a pen and her *a-hem* “assets” for him to sign.
“Man I want to be Wes Davenport right now” Pete says wishing that he could autograph a pair of boobs as well.
“Oh please, I’ve autographed bigger” the Suicide King says as he tries to hide his jealousy.
As Wes puts pen to flesh a flash of red and purple is seen as Ghost Machine V2.0 comes out from where he’s hiding, sprints towards Wes Davenport and totally clobbers him with a double axe handle to the back of the movie star’s head.
“Good thing mannerisms can’t be copyrighted” King says as Ghost Machine strikes a classic Randy Savage pose with one finger raised in the air.
“We’d have been out of business by now if they could King” says Pete and breathes a sigh of relief.
While the Ghost Machine keeps attacking Wes Davenport half way down the aisle there is action in the ring as well as four men slug it out between them to hopefully eliminate some else. In fact they’ve picked their target and Fury, Spike and Laberinto are all focusing on The 70s Dude, chasing him around the ring to corner the big man and hopefully use their numbers advantage to get him out of the ring.
“Spike seems to be quite the opportunist tonight” Pete says
“Yes he does” but where Pete sounded disappointed King sounded intrigued.
Davenport tries his best to fight off the Ghost Machine, but so far nothing has worked as the robot just keeps on with the assault, almost as if it was his prime directive to hurt Wes Davenport. In the ring the 70s Dude knocks Spike down with a boot to the side of the head but he’s too slow to avoid being trapped by Fury and Laberinto as they shoulder tackle him into the corner.
“I just realized something” Pete says
“That you can’t buy a prostitute with monopoly money?” King quips wishing Pete would just say what’s on his mind.
“That if Wes isn’t in the ring by the time the count hits zero he’s eliminated” Pete says exposing Ghost Machine’s “sinister plot”
TEN!!
“That’ll give him 10 seconds” King says
NINE!!
Wes realizes the same thing as the count down begins and he quickly pushes Machine off him and then runs for the ring
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
Once Wes reaches ringside he’s tackled by Ghost Machine who locks his arms around him to keep Wes out of the ring
SIX!!
FIVE!!
Out of desperation Wes kicks backwards, not knowing if a low blow will work on a robot or not. But there must be some sort of groinal socket or something because kicking him there results in Ghost Machine quickly releasing Wes to adjust something “down there” as he drops to his knees.
FOUR!!
THREE!!
TWO!!
Just before the buzzer Wes Davenport manages to pull himself under the bottom rope into the ring, being literally 1 second from elimination.
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
The second “Oh No” hits the speakers the crowd comes alive and cheers like crazy for one of the odds on favorites Todd Cortez. Todd steps into the arena, raises his right arm to acknowledge the overwhelming fan support and then quickly jogs to the ring and enters by leaping over the top rope.
“I heard that Las Vegas gave Todd really good odds if he entered in the 2nd half of the match and with him being #10 I’d have to agree” Pete says.
“We’re half way there Pete, half way to making someone famous forever”.
Laberinto rocks the 70s Dude with a drop kick that staggers the big man. Taking advantage of his ring position Laberinto quickly leaps up on the second rope and then springboards towards the 70s Dude with a Bulldog in mind. Unfortunately for Laberinto the 70s Dude has something else in mind as he holds the much lighter Luchardor up in the air, spins around and drops Laberinto
WITH ONE LEG ON EACH SIDE OF THE TOP ROPE!!
Before Laberinto has a chance to recover Ghost Machine turns his speed dial up and lands a stiff, stiff Big Boot to Laberinto’s face knocking the Tocula, Mexico native out of the ring down to the floor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Laberinto
ENTERED: #2
LEFT: 4th
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Ghost Machine V2.0
LEFT IN RING: Spike Jenkins, Christian Fury, Ghost Machine 2.0, the 70s Dude, Wes Davenport
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Someone check to see if Laberinto’s jaw is still attached to his face” King quips as the 4th man eliminated in the match is helped to his feet and directed to the back. Todd Cortez ducks under a flying elbow from Spike Jenkins and then quickly grabs Spike by the hair and the tights hoping to throw the shaken Spike out of the ring.
“Adios Spike!!” King says as Todd throws Spike over the top
But Spike lands on his feet on the apron, keeping himself in the match for at least a bit longer. Todd tries to knock Spike down with a right hand but Hollywood blocks it and then strikes Todd instead. A second blow from Spike follows moments later knocking Cortez back. The second he has a bit of space Spike grabs the top rope and springboards himself back into the ring striking Todd Cortez with a drop kick.
TEN!!
“Not only is Spike not out, he’s looking as strong as ever despite being in there from the opening bell” Pete says
NINE!!
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
THREE!!
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
The theme music to the classic Superman movies of the 80ties begins to play, leaving the crowd to wonder who’s coming out next. A moment later Matt Myers comes running out through the curtains wearing a Superman costume complete with red underwear on the outside and a cape flowing behind him as he runs to the ring with one arm in the air in the classic “flying” pose.
“Lord almighty” King groans as Matt Myers “Flies” around the ring once before entering it.
“There is your winner – I mean who can beat Superman?” Pete says as he laughs.
Matt “Superman” Myers quickly goes on the attack and strikes Ghost Machine V2 with a fist, then he moves on and strikes the 70s Dude ignoring the fact that Ghost Machine wasn’t even staggered by the punch – sensing that he’s on a roll Myers then punches Todd Cortez, Spike Jenkins and Christian Fury, each time with very little effect
“Some Superman” King says as he laughs at Myers’ pathetic attempts.
When Matt tries to strike Wes the Hollywood icon blocks it and then counters with a punch of his own that knocks Matt to the ground in a heap
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!”
“I think Wes just auditioned to be Lex Luthor” King says as Wes starts to beat up Matt “Superman” Myers
“I heard that he was once up for the part that Dean Cain had in that TV show… or was it Terri Hatcher’s part?”
“He was up WHO’S part?” King asks suddenly interested in what Pete has to say.
“Nevermind”
With “Superman’s” ass kicking well in hand Spike and Fury turn their attention back towards the 70s Dude instead. Spike strikes low with a leg sweep from behind while Fury strikes high with a drop kick to the big man’s face knocking the 70s Dude for a loop. Cortez has managed to get the Ghost Machine V2.0 up on his shoulder, then he quickly wraps an arm around Ghost Machine’s neck and..
“NECKWRECKER!!” Pete yells out as Todd scores a high impact move on Ghost Machine
COR-TEZ!! COR-TEZ!! COR-TEZ!! COR-TEZ!! COR-TEZ!!
Todd is quickly back on his feet as Ghost Machine shivers and shakes like a machine that’s jammed with a wrench. Todd looks around the ring, he sees that Fury and Spike are busy trying to lift the 70s Dude out of the ring in one corner and that Wes is busy introducing Matt “Superman” Myers to a world of pain as he drops him straight down with a Scorpion Death Drop.
“Malfunction junction for Ghost Machine – I bet he wasn’t programmed to accept a Neckwrecker as input” Pete says
“Whu?” Is all King can say as he’s just too cool for software jokes.
Eyeing a golden opportunity to audition as the villain in the inevitable “Superman Returns… again” movie Wes locks on a double chicken win on Myers as he’s face down on the canvas before flipping over forward to put an incredible amount of pressure on Myers and thus also an incredible amount of pain
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!”
“Well that’s not very “Super” now is it Myers?” says King, chiding Matt for breaking character.
“You try to remain quiet when locked into the “Six Degrees of Separation” King and then you can comment.
TEN!!
NINE!!
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
THREE!!
TWO!!
After letting Matt suffer for a while Ghost Machine stomps Wes in the stommach to make him release the hold and then resumes the attack on Wes Davenport he started earlier in the night.
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
”Oh, Oh, Oh, Ohoo little China girl”
“It’s the Joshi Dragon!!” Pete exclaims as the petite Japanese woman enters an SWF arena for the first time in quite a while.
“Chicks who want to go in there with 19 guys…” King begins to say but the realizes he can’t actually finish his thought without a HUGE fine.
The moment Candace Okimura enters the ring the 70s Dude approaches her, but not to attack her instead he seems to be saying something to her that the closest camera picks up.
“Hey baby did it hurt when you fell from heaven?” the suave (and shaggy) Dude says winking at her
Of course the corny come on line just draws an eye roll from the Joshi Dragon. The 70s Dude seems to totally have lost interest in the match, he doesn’t seem to notice Todd Cortez and Spike Jenkins landing a double drop kick on Ghost Machine V2.0 sending the “robot” into the corner. The 70s Dude only has eyes for Candace and tries once more to impress her
“If I said you had a beautiful body would you press it against me all night long” the Dude says. He figures he’s scored her and goes for a kiss
*SLAP!!*
But five Japanese fingers across the cheek tells the 70s Dude that he may NOT have scored after all. The cameras seem to focus on the exchange between the 70s Dude and Joshi Dragon but they still manage to capture Wes Davenport’s picture perfect delivery of a tilt-a-whirl slam on Matt “Superman” Myers.
“I guess she TOLD him” says Pete
“Just cause they slap you doesn’t mean they don’t want you” King says, speaking from personal experience.
The 70s Dude looks shocked, totally shocked that she slapped him, in an instant he switches from hitting ON her to just hitting her as he lands a couple of powerful blocks to the back of Candace’s neck. Then he grabs the very light Japanese woman around the throat and heaves her CLEAR OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
“Some men just don’t take rejection well” King says.
“The Joshi Dragon was a short visitor in the ClusterFuck but maybe this is a sign of her returning to regular competition” Pete says as a disappointed Candace Okimura walks to the back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Candace ”The Joshi Dragon”
ENTERED: #12
LEFT: 5th
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: The 70s dude
LEFT IN RING: Spike Jenkins, Christian Fury, Ghost Machine 2.0, the 70s Dude, Wes Davenport, Todd Cortez, Matt Myers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Dude brushes off his hands and then turns his attention back towards the ring, and just in time too as he is able to move out of the way of a Todd Cortez sending the Urban Legend chest first into the top turnbuckle. The Dude grabs Todd by the tights and tries to shove him further over the top but before he can succeed Christian Fury saves Todd from elimination as he takes the dude down with a Twist of Fate
“Out of nowhere!!” Pete says.
“Really? Out of nowhere? Do they have a factory there?” King quips, but the EWR joke is obviously lost on Pete.
TEN!!
NINE!!
EIGHT!!
Wes and Ghost Machine seems to once again be going at it as they exchange lefts and rights in the corner.
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
THREE!!
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
The bright flashes and Disturbed’s “I’m alive” brings Kevin Coyote out into the arena as the crowd boos the arrogant newcomer. Kevin just waves them off and heads for the ring, the second the rookie steps through the ropes everyone else in the ring have stopped fighting and are staring at him – preparing to give the rookie a taste of what it’s like to swim with the SWF sharks.
“Look at Kevin stop dead in his tracks” King says as he tries to suppress a laugh.
“It looks like they’re drawing straws to see who gets to welcome Coyote to the ring”
“They have straws??” King says, totally no selling Pete’s metaphor.
Matt Myers takes a bold, heroic step forward to volunteer for the job but is quickly kicked in the gut by Spike Jenkins to show him his place in the order of things. Fury, Ghost Machine and the Dude rush the rookie and throws him hard into the corner before laying a series of hard chops on the chest of the Coyote
*CHOP!* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Fury hits a perfectly placed knife edge chop across Coyote’s chest. Ghost Machine grabs Kevin’s “Injustice for all” T-shirt by the collar and tears it open before he adds a chop of his own striking the bare skin.
*CLANG!* WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
The 70s Dude makes a big production deal out of twirling his hands in the air before landing a chop of his own – the Dude’s chop isn’t as perfectly executed as Fury’s nor as precise as Ghost Machine’s, in fact the Dude ends up striking Coyote in the throat area instead
“Woops” the Dude says pretty unconvincingly.
Machine and the Dude grabs the hurting Kevin Coyote and whips him towards the center of the ring where he’s greeted by a Tilt-a-whirl back breaker from Wes Davenport and then a quick knee drop to the chest by Spike Jenkins. The unity there was in putting an arrogant rookie in his place is soon lost though as Ghost Machine V2.0 once again attacks Wes Davenport and everyone seems to pair off again.
“Welcome to the ClusterFuck Kevin – may your stay be painful” King says as Kevin Coyote finally gets a moment to breathe.
Todd raises Matt Myers up in the air by the red underwear he chose to wear on the outside of his trunks and then drops “Superwegie” down onto his knee for a Crotch-Droppah!! The 70s Dude has caught Spike by surprise as he’s managed to lock him up in a suplex position and then drops Hollywood Spike Jenkins on his head with a Fisherman’s Buster.
“Maybe the 70s Dude will knock some sense into Spike” Pete says as he shows his disapproval of some of the short cuts Spike has taken tonight.
“Knock some sense into? Just knock him OUT of the ring instead, much easier” King replies.
TEN!!
NINE!!
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
THREE!!
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
*BANG!!*
”EVERYBODY DANCE NOW!!”
“OOOH YEAH!! Talk about a good position to have for a power house like the Crimson Skull – it’s over half way through the match and it’s mainly Cruiserweights in the ring” King says as he waits for the arrival of the man from Kiev.
“Coming it at #14 can prove to be lucky for the Skull, he’s yet to win big but if his evil ways are successful tonight he’ll be rocketed to INSTANT super stardom.” Pete adds as the dancers come out shaking what their mommies (and plastic surgeons) gave them.
Skull swaggers out on the stage looking all fired up and ready to take over the world, starting with the 8 men in the ring and the rest of the participants. Once Skull reaches the ring he steps over the top rope and looks like a giant among the many smaller, lighter competitors. Todd Cortez is the first victim of the Skull as the big man drives him into the corner with a spear.
“WHOA BABY!! We’re cooking with Crimson fire now” King says all excitedly.
“Crimson Flame? Are you ON something?” Pete asks.
Fury tries to stop the Crimson Skull but ends up driven into the canvas with a massive Belly to Belly suplex that shakes the ring from sheer power and impact. Coyote is finally getting somewhere as he manages to take Todd Cortez down with a Tornado DDT taking advantage of Skull’s spear on Todd just moments before.
“See an opportunity, take an opportunity – something Kevin seems to have learned already” King says.
“That’s the advantage of being part of our Smark Enough contest – which reminds me season two try outs are coming up soon” Pete says
“*cough* Shill *cough*” King says and then makes ass-kisser sounds at Pete.
Hollywood easily leaps over a charging Matt Myers as the “Superman” tries to gain the advantage over the “marathon man” but Spike Jenkins no sells super heroes every day damn it! The second he lands behind Matt’s back he grabs the Superdork by the cape and uses it to assist him in a neckbreaker on Matt Myers
“Spike has been ALL business tonight King, I’m beginning to think he could do it” Pete says, obviously impressed with Spike’s performance so far.
“Yeah I don’t think so okay? In fact if I was a gambling man I’d bet on him being eliminated next” King says showing very little faith in Spike’s chances.
Spike still has a firm grip on Matt’s cape and uses it to pull the journey man into a fireman’s carry position and then casually takes two steps backwards to dump Mr. Myers over the top.
“It’s a brick!!” King says
TEN!!
“It’s a bag of hammers” Pete adds actually getting the joke for once
NINE!!
“No it’s Matt Myers flying out of the 2006 ClusterFuck!” King closes.
EIGHT!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Matt Myers
ENTERED: #11
LEFT: 6th
ELIMINATED: None
ELIMINATED BY: Hollywood Spike Jenkins
LEFT IN RING: Spike Jenkins, Christian Fury, Ghost Machine 2.0, the 70s Dude, Wes Davenport, Todd Cortez, Kevin Coyote, Crimson Skull
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
THREE!!
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!"
...WAAAAAHHHHH...
“Ah crap” King slips in as there is a moment of silence in Landon Maddix’s entrance music.
*DUM DUM*
With “Megalomaniac” playing on full blast Landon Maddix steps into the arena with an arrogant smirk holding up two fingers to indicate that he’s about to repeat his victory from last year. After taking in all the boos and the jeers Landon takes off running towards the ring, sliding under the bottom rope and into the center of the ring before anyone in the ring can react.
“Alright I’ll personally pay someone a thousand dollars if the next person eliminated is Maddix” King says pulling out his wallet to prove how serious he is.
The first person Landon targets is Todd Cortez, they’ve been fighting for so long now that it’s just second nature for Maddix to leap at him with a flying forearm that knocks Cortez into the corner. A quick bounce on the second rope and Maddix shows a flash of his speedy style as he throws Cortez into the center of the ring with a Hurri-Lanrana.
“No, no, no that’s no way to ear a grand” an exasperated King says.
“Why not go down there and do it yourself” Pete says hoping that King would either drop his grudge against Maddix or take it to the ring.
“Don’t think I wouldn’t do it if none of these guys can get the job done.” King fires back, actually contemplating the suggestion for a moment.
After having worked over Ghost Machine 2.0 with a series of powerful kicks and elbows the 70s Dude pushes the disk fragmented Ghost Machine back in the ropes and then raises his right arm in the air as he takes a few steps away to get some distance for what he has in mind. Moving quicker than you’d think a big man can the 70s Dude runs at his victim / opponent and tries to clothesline himself and Ghost Machine V2.0 over the top rope. Unfortunately for the 70s Dude Ghost Machine can react with over 200 calculations a nano seconds and thus figures out that the easiest thing to do is drop to the canvas and let the 70s Dude hit the ropes on his own.
“There he goe… no wait, he’s not out” King says changing his story mid sentence as the 70s Dude ends up with his right hand trapped between the twisted up top and middle rope.
“Well… erm… if he stays tied up in the ropes he’s a sure fire participant in the final 3 way dance” is all Pete can think of to say as they watch a couple of referees jump up on the apron to help twist the 70s Dude’s arm out of the rope trap.
Ghost Machine even lends a hand and helps the 70s Dude get loose, the Dude pulls his hand backwards, raises it triumphantly in the air and then
Falls backwards as the Ghost Machine extends his right arm and then pokes the 70s Dude in the chest, upsetting his delicate balance on the edge of the apron.
“Oh man the dreaded “Finger poke of Uncomfort”” Pete says as he tries to keep from laughing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The 70s Dude
ENTERED: #8
LEFT: 7th
ELIMINATED: The Joshi Dragon
ELIMINATED BY: Ghost Machine V2.0
LEFT IN RING: Spike Jenkins, Christian Fury, Ghost Machine 2.0, Wes Davenport, Todd Cortez, Kevin Coyote, Crimson Skull, Landon Maddix
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
TEN!!
“One goes out, and another one enters. We’re up to 16 in this match” Pete says informing everyone of just how far from the end we are
NINE!!
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
“Five more people to go, five people with great odds” King says
SIX!!
FIVE!!
Christian Fury and Todd Cortez have teamed up and are trying to throw Kevin Coyote over the top rope to the floor, hoping to eliminate the cocky newcomer.
FOUR!!
THREE!!
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
Once the buzzer sounds everyone is expecting music to start, but nothing happens, not a thing and no one walks out through the entrance either, much to the surprise and confusion of everyone in the arena.
“Come on, come on, come on, come on!” King says impatiently.
“Will this be the first year someone does a total no show? And who could it…” Pete stops as a thought crosses his mind
But before he can express that thought a big 6’7’’ monster of a man walks out arguing with one of the medical technicians. The second Bruce steps one cowboy inside the arena the crowd immediately starts to boo him, even the sorry state of the Trailerpark Messiah doesn’t gets him any sympathy from the crowd. The EMT is obviously trying to persuade Bruce to not enter the ring, pointing to his heavily bandaged forehead and his ear that took a lot of damage during the Japanese Death Match.
“I can’t believe he’s actually walking” Pete says and by the looks of a few of the competitors in the ring, neither can they.
“Well limping – man I got to say I don’t like his chances at ALL! I mean I’ve seen people in better shape after a car crash” King says as Bruce limps towards the ring with the EMT trying to block his way.
Bruce isn’t a man who subscribes to “common sense” and dismisses all warnings of risking his health when he just shoves the EMT out of the way striding towards the ring, one limp at the time. Quite a few of the participants in the ring are surprised to see Bruce even being able to walk to the ring. Spike Jenkins quickly shakes his surprise, then he bounces off the ropes on the opposite side of the entrance to build up speed and then
LEAPS THROUG THE ROPES DRIVING BRUCE TO THE GROUND WITH A SUICIDE DIVE!!
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!
“My god what was he thinking? Spike could have broken his neck on that stunt” Pete yells out as Spike lands on top of the already hurting Bruce and starts to pound away with repeated rights to Bruce’s bandaged up ear.
“You know I don’t think Spike likes Bruce at all” King deducts using all his Sherlock Holmeslike skills.
After driving his fist into Bruce’s skull a few more times Spike lets go of the Trailerpark Messiah and slides back in the ring, happy with the damage he's done to Bruce
“Bruce hasn’t even stepped in the ring and Spike has already busted him open” King laments as they see Bruce bleeding from under the bandage over his ear.
“The Japanese Deathmatch took it’s toll, frankly I think Bruce is a fool for requesting to be in this match as well” says Pete
As the action goes on in the ring Bruce slowly crawls up the ring steps, he’s already hurting but he’s determined to compete in the ClusterFuck match.
TEN!!
NINE!!
At nine Bruce crawls into the ring ensuring that he’s still in the match
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
“You know Bruce is so big and heavy that very few men can lift him off the ground if he chooses to stay down” King points out
SIX!!
FIVE!!
“Good point” is all Pete can say as it IS a good point.
FOUR!!
THREE!!
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
THE KING...HAS...RETURNED!
“I never left” The Suicide King quickly interjects in case his millions… and millions of fans thought he wasn’t in the arena.
Saliva’s “Superstar” kicks in as a different king than the Suicide King enters the arena: “the Icon” Max King. Unlike both Landon and Bruce Max has opted to wear his title to the ring as he proudly displays the SWF tag-team title gold strapped around his waist. Landon seems to be the only person in the ring who’s stopped and taken any notice of Max King sauntering down the aisle, everyone else is busy fighting. Bruce is busy trying to stay in the match as both Spike Jenkins and Wes Davenport and trying to lift the big man up from his crouched down position near the ropes. Ghost Machine and Kevin Coyote are taking turns hitting Todd Cortez as the Urban Legend ping-pongs back and forth between them. And Crimson Skull? Crimson Skull is busy doing something totally evil and reprehensible by just standing there and enjoying everyone else beating each other up.
“We are 3 from the end here King and there are quite a few guys in the ring” Pete says
“We’ve been low on eliminations so far, but high on action and drama” King says sounding like he was shilling the latest NBC “Edgy drama series”
Max has finally reached ringside, figuring that he wouldn’t mind if someone was eliminated before he entered. Once at ringside he removes the Tag-Team title and then quickly rolls under the bottom rope and stands up
Face to face with Landon Maddix!!
“These guys are the champs, but if you think they’re united you’re dead wrong!” Pete says as the stare intensifies between King and Landon.
“Max has been on Landon’s tail since he returned, he’s been besting him at every turn and now keeps him close by teaming with him” King adds.
Both Landon and Max seem to be talking a LOT of trash to each other, neither backing down, neither moving an inch – UNTIL THE CRIMSON SKULL KNOCKS THEIR HEADS TOGETHER!!
“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!”
The favorable reaction from the crowd surprises the Crimson Skull
“Maddix hate is a universal feeling” King explains.
Right behind Skull’s massive back Coyote is working over the man that every entrant seems to just HAVE to get a shot in, Bruce Blank – he’s got the big man trapped in the corner under the bottom rope and he’s actually STANDING on Bruce’s throat with one foot as he uses the ropes for balance.
“You know if Kevin can bring that kind of intensity to EVERY match then he could go fa-“ King is cut off before he can finish his thought as Todd Cortez nails Coyote with a flying forearm that knocks him off Bruce.
As Todd and Kevin exchange fists in the corner Bruce drags himself to his feet, drawing deep breaths of air as he tries to recover from Coyote’s attack.
TEN!!
NINE!!
“Alright let’s add another mad man to the asylum” King says as the countdown starts up again.
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
The fans are on their feet as Ghost Machine, Crimson Skull and Bruce Blank are pooling their effort to throw Hollywood Spike Jenkins over the top rope.
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
“Oh man Spike is teetering on the edge” Pete says as they keep one eye on the clock and one on the action in the ring
THREE!!
TWO!!
“I’ve said it all along: Spike will be eliminated next” King boasts as it looks like that guess is about to come true.
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
“I’m Born”
That’s all the Smarktron gets to show before a khaki colored speedster runs from the back and breaks the 100 yard dash record on the way to the ring.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!
“It’s another champion – Zyon is wasting no time heading to the ring” Pete says in case the youngster is moving too fast for the people at home.
The Unique Youth leaps up on the apron and then uses the top rope to provide enough momentum to leap up on the top rope quicker than you can say “Damn he’s fast”. After balancing on the top rope for a mere fraction of a second Zyon leaps half way across the ring and recklessly throws his body against Skull, Blank and Ghost Machine to knock all three of them down.
“HE SAVED SPIKE!!” Pete yells out in surprise
“Idiot” is all King can say.
“Now Spike may have come off a bit hot headed lately but they’re still friends” Pete says.
With the three men down Spike is saved from elimination once again, but it’s not a look of approval that he gives Zyon but something much darker, much more annoyed instead. Spike yells something at Zyon but before the Unique Youth can respond he’s flattened by a Maddix kick that catches the Cruiserweight champion totally off guard.
“That’s what you get for not paying attention” Spike is overheard muttering as Spike then in turn lands a stiff lariat on Landon.
“You think he was he talking about Zyon or Landon?” Pete asks
“Yes” is the only enigmatic answer that King gives in return.
Max King is poised to lock on the Katihajime on Bruce Blank but his plans are foiled by the Crimson Skull who attacks Max either to save Bruce or just because he felt like beating Max King up, hard to tell really. But if Bruce thought he was safe he’s mistaken as he knocked down by Wes Davenport as he tackles Ghost Machine V2.0 into the King of Pain.
“Wes Davenport and Ghost Machine V2.0 have been on each other from the moment the Ghost Machine saw Wes come down the aisle” Pete says.
“I wonder if a robot can hold a grudge? If he is a robot that is” Pete says.
“Are you saying Benner Corp. Would lie to you?” King says defending the integrity of faceless conglomerates all over the world.
Zyon strikes Kevin Coyote with a drop kick, knocking the rookie into Spike as Hollywood tries to suplex Landon but instead ends up falling over with Landon crashing down on top of him.
TEN!!
NINE!!
Spike shoots Zyon a really nasty glare but he’s not able to follow up on the glare as Landon takes him down with a drop toe hold.
EIGHT!!
SEVEN!!
SIX!!
FIVE!!
FOUR!!
THREE!!
“We’ve got 2 more to go!! And loads of people can still win this” Pete says.
TWO!!
ONE!!
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!
”Everything feels good, nothin' can stop me”
“IT’S THE JAPANESE HAMMER” Pete yells even though he’s properly mike’d and doesn’t really have to yell at all.
TORU walks out without any hint of emotion on his face, as always, he doesn’t acknowledge any fans or do anything other than march straight to the ring focusing on Max King and Landon Maddix. As he approaches the ring he quickly whips off his jacket, but keeps his shades on as he steps through the ropes.
“No sign of Card or Natasha, have they parted ways after Chris Card was unable to deliver a tag-team partner good enough the keep the titles?” King ponders as the Japanese Hammer leaps into action by knocking Bruce Blank down with a stiff laria
