sfaJack

Which is worse--when ESPN lets their TV guys write columns (i.e. John Kruk) or when they put their columnists on TV (i.e. Bill Simmons)? I'm undecided.

Me too. What a random movie from 16 years ago to make a sequel of.

So did the library get shut down or not?

In 9th grade, after reading Romeo & Juliet, our teacher announced that we were going to watch one of the film versions of it. This kid that sat in the back of the room, Sam, excitedly blurted out loud, "Is it the one that Juliet show her tits in?" The teacher looked at him with a shocked expression for a moment and then said quietly, "No, Sam, it's not" while the rest of us laughed our asses off. Then senior year, my AP Gov't teacher warned us that the movie we were going to watch had a lot "adult content" in it and reminded us that we needed to "conduct ourselves in a mature manner" or else she'd stop the film and we could go back to lecture. The movie? The American President.

The '05 Series was pretty competitive--four games decided by a total of six runs. It only seemed non-competitive because the Astros just happened to lose all four.

What makes you think it's a he? Sorry. I figured your wife is the only woman who can stand to be around you for more than two minutes.

Make him buy the tickets. That way none of your money goes to the Pirates.

You don't even have one of those prepaid cell phones that only costs you money if you use it for emergencies? You really ARE a Jew bastard.

I chose to turn off the Cubs game when the 12th inning ended because it was after 11:00 and I needed to go to bed. What a smart thing to do!

Well, I'm defeated.

Hey, fuck you. I hope you get a whole lump of cancer right in your nutsack and die a slow, agonizing death. Bitch.

Back in January, my mom scored a "1" on that exact same taste as your sis-in-law. The difference between them? My mom, who NEVER drinks/smokes/shoots up, has LIVER CANCER. She goes to chemo every Monday to treat it and is left to deal with the ill effects it leaves her, all while continuing to work (albeit half days sometimes). None of her treatment is paid for by the government, and she sure as hell isn't going to win a court case for lost wages if/when she's no longer able to work. "The system" isn't fair to whom, exactly?

I liked Mr. 3000, but I don't know of anybody else who did.

I laughed my ass off at Borat the first time, but it was MUCH less funny the second time around. I don't know if it's because I knew what was going to happen and how the "victim" was going to react to Borat or if it was because I was really tired when I watched it again, but it just wasn't very funny the second time. Napoleon Dynamite wasn't funny, but if you didn't laugh at the guy shooting the cow in front of the school kids, you need your head checked. As for my pick for this topic: Anchorman. Funny movie, but not THAT funny. It's not even Ferrell's best movie.

I don't think that picture will ever get old.

Yeah, deep cleaning was overhyped by the dentist. He made it sound like it was going to be the worst experience of my life and it ended up not being bad at all. I'd do it again if I had to, but that won't be a problem. That green teeth and gums thing is pretty disgusting. How could she let herself get that way? Ugh... On a somewhat related note though, last year, about a week before I went for the dental check-up that led to my own deep cleaning, my now-wife and I were having dinner with a friend of hers. The subject of my upcoming dental visit came up and Sonya (her friend) started telling me about how her sister-in-law, at 33 years of age, had to have ALL of her teeth pulled and replaced with fake ones because her mouth was literally rotting away--the teeth that hadn't already fallen out were BLACK and full of holes, her gums bled constantly, and Sonya said you could stand 20 feet away from her and smell the foul breath she had from all the decay. Scared the bejeezus out of me, for sure.

I don't even watch the NBA much and I might be a bit late on this, but anybody that doesn't think the Rockets' two titles were legit needs their head examined. What else, especially the '95 team, would you have them do to prove they were "worthy" of the trophy? As Ripper said, they beat four teams that won at least 57 games--that's damned impressive. Hell, it might be the greatest playoff run in NBA history. Ah, memories. What a fun time in this city...

I floss each day now. Like Scroby, my gums and teeth were so screwed up when I went to the dentist last June that I had to go through the "deep cleaning". Since then, I've been using an electric toothbrush, that Reach Access thingy to floss, and Crest ProHealth for mouthwash each day and my teeth are MUCH better. I even got told when I went for my checkup in January that I'd be on their wall of fame, if they had one.

I returned from lunch to find a crudely-made tombstone with the letters RIP and a picture of Prior taped to it, hanging on the wall of my cubicle. Oh, the hilarity!

Uh, no. At the time, barely anybody thought Peppers was a wiser pick than Carr. It sure looks bad now, but hindsight is 20/20 and all of that.

In Lee's defense, he was safe on that play. No, he probably shouldn't have been running, but he was safe. Come on, Czech. Those are all valid points you bring up, but it is still only April 25. There are 5 months to go and five other mediocre teams in the Central. Zambrano's gonna get his shit together, Lee's power will come, and the one-run games are bound to even out at some point--once that happens, they'll be in the Central race.

Shante Carver?? Good God, I remember him. Another brilliant move by Jerry Jones.

The Astros put the roof on Minute Maid Park so that the heat will not affect their play once it gets hot.

Thought you would enjoy this... I don't know how much you know about the Houston Astros, but they are constantly being accused of being racist around here because they have zero black players on their roster and not one black minor league prospect who is considered to have a shot at making the club in the near future. It's gotten to the point that one of the local sportswriters said this week that the Astros actually considered race before they released minor leaguer Charlton Jimerson (who is black) earlier this week because they're tired of hearing that they're a racist organization. Nevermind that 1) Jimerson asked to be released and 2) he sucks. The apex of this movement, however, was last year when they cut Preston Wilson--there was actually a tiny group (and I mean tiny...maybe 10 people showed up) that protested the Astros' racist tactics outside of Minute Maid Park. Good stuff.

I was gonna guess liposuction gone terribly wrong.